✰ 4 stars ✰
“It’s such a beautiful thing to hold somebody.”
This is not a love story, but a tender story of love between two Scottish teenage boys - quiet and reserved blonde Finlay and the impulsive, if not explosive sporty redhead Banjo. The love that exists between two kindred souls who shared their lives together during their darkest days & formed a deep trust of compassion and friendship that was able to brighten up their days for even just a little bit. But, when that light is suddenly extinguished, and their friendship is torn apart over a falling out neither of them saw coming, a few years will go by, before their paths will cross again, where they will finally have the chance to find each other again. 💛❤️
Finlay and Banjo were complete opposites of each other in appearance and personality, but the one thing that held them together was their need for just wanting to be loved; the loneliness of trying to find their place in the group care home where they met three years ago - seeking out that single understanding and comforting hand that could acknowledge their presence and their pain - remind them that they see them for who they are. 'Somehow he can always tell the difference between good, so please go and good, but please stay.' ❤️🩹❤️🩹 It is that shared and tentative bond that draws them closer to one another - making them not quite friends, but someone that they trust with their heart and their hurt - the one that makes them feel safe when the rest of the world surrounds them in darkness. But, when that trust feels like a betrayal - a sting so sharp that no words, no hug can ever earn their way back into each other's heart - an explosive fallout that leaves no chance for forgiveness - then it is only time and fate on their side that will eventually lead these two Glasgow Boys back into each other's lives and hearts, as well. 🫂
“... he wanted this tender love. He wanted someone to come along and adore him, and he wanted to adore them in return.”
How to explain how gentle, but deeply moving this story was? Something so good and brave and warm about their story that was so easy to appreciate. How the narrative shifts seamlessly through their dual perspectives in the present-day, while also steadily shedding light on their respective past, where they once could have called each other friends. It was a smooth sailing kind of read - one that had this natural feel to it that made it easy to empathize and sympathize with both of them. 🥺
Eighteen-year-old Finlay's struggles run deeper than just trying to successfully pursue his nursing degree at Glasgow University. It is also the deep-rooted fear of his own sexuality being addressed - one that attempts to escape, when he is in the presence of an old friend he rekindles a friendship with, Akash - handsome and understanding and considerate Akash, who stirs a desire in him so fierce, but is impossible to overcome that prevalent insecure sense that he is unworthy of ever being loved; that deep-rooted sense of abandonment issues that prevent him from ever reaching out more than he has to - ever longing for something deeper than what has been given. 😟 'He’s never been hugged like this. Never so crushingly. It’s been years since he was touched at all. Because how could anyone ask for this?' It is a heart-wrenching struggle, one in which I loved how the author built upon the past traumas in order for him to overcome them. A resilient force that made his growth such a strong one - a testament of his own strength and capacity for allowing the vulnerable side of himself to speak up for itself. 🥺
“Love me, just love me, even if it’s hard and painful and I’m being shite, please just do it, Banjo thinks. He needs Finlay to be the one to do it.”
Seventeen-year-old Banjo's own path was paved with challenges and shortcomings - one where fighting back is his answer, proving his worth, his driving force. It's not easy for him to accept that he can belong anywhere - that his foster parents care enough about him that he should repay their favors with a more winsome attitude - that he can have healthy relationships worth keeping. It is a life of self-doubt that boils into an angry frustration at being mistreated - misunderstood - taken advantage of. 'His love is tinged with bitter shame, but his bitterness is tinged with this rotted type of terrible affection.' 😥 But, a job at a cafe that helps him build up a sense of responsibility, a job that makes him get closer to a young girl, Alena, who has her own fair share of troubles and who reminds Banjo at how he can still appreciate the good he has in life - that really allows him to hold off being so withdrawn all the time. That he doesn't always have to resort to his fists to express himself - that hostility isn't the answer and that there is still room in his heart to let others in. That the fear of rejection does have the chance of finally coming to an end. 🫶🏻
It is a debut that triumphs on the value of human connection - how important it is to know that there is someone in our corner - someone who cares enough to want you in their lives. And for each of them, the author developed a strong close-knit sense of family and friends - ones who were patient and considerate of their own shortcomings - likeable and well-developed characters that gave each of them the chance to breathe - to take the slow and steady steps to accept their kindness and realize that they are capable of being loved. 🥺 'He can’t even explain the love... To restrict it to any one category reduces it entirely. And maybe Banjo won’t understand, but Finlay does. He finally understands it within himself.' That it is okay to accept and receive that love - an optimistic and hopeful feeling that there are those who care for them. The simple joys of humor and laughter that was missing in their lives that they finally got a chance to experience - to live! They may have been broken souls - but they are not defeated; and the people around them reminded them of that every day - with their own personal struggles that helped Finlay and Banjo on the path of healing and self-discovery. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
“He realises they’re two foreigners in this world. Two people who have nothing. They’ve travelled without ever knowing a place, they’re men inside children’s bodies, they’re soldiers who have no awareness of war and yet understand its horrors.
But they’ve found one another across the bloody barracks. Not even a lover could care the way Finlay does.”
And these feelings were portrayed in a heartfelt yet bittersweet way - one that made it so easy to get immersed in - so unflinching raw, but so intense in vividly capturing their friendship - how they gravitate towards one another - something akin to innocence and sincere to it that made it hurt even more when a misunderstanding shattered that trust. 😢 How they still somehow sought each other' presence - guidance - acceptance - how it felt like a part of their hearts was missing '– that supermassive hole in his life.' It is the way that the author tied the past with the present - how the trauma and emotions they felt during that time was something that followed them into the later stage of their lives - that I could see it without being told it, y'know. It made their growth seem that much more real and genuine to me; it is a strange explanation, but it is something that stood out for me. 🤌🏻🤌🏻
The ending was so soft - it was gentle, and so fitting; it evoked such a protective streak in me, one in which I wish that moment could have gone on longer - one that spoke volumes of how much they had grown and learned and loved. 🥹 The eventual build-up was like a crescendo, but a gentle one; one that caressed and soothed the heartache both had been carrying ever since their split - a wound that was starving for forgiveness and just a chance for closure. 'It’s the greatest act of love Finlay’s ever known.' It was really beautifully done; even if it left me wanting to see more of them together, I just felt so - loved. 💛 An embrace that rewarded me with an emotionally satisfying feeling at how they were finally able to be happy and content with life - finally at a stage in their lives, where they were with those who loved them. ✨