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I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying
“Do you know what happens if you laugh while crying? Hair grows out of your butthole.” It was a constant truism Youngmi Mayer’s mother would say threateningly after she would make her daughter laugh while crying. Her mother used it to cheer her up in moments when she could tell Youngmi was overtaken with grief. The humorous saying would never fail to lighten the mood, causing both daughter and mother to laugh and cry at the same time. Her mother had learned this trick from her mother, and her mother had learned this from her mother before it had also helped an endless string of her family laugh through suffering.
In I’m Laughing Because I’m Crying, Youngmi jokes through the retelling of her childhood as an offbeat biracial kid in Saipan, a place next to a place that Americans might know. She jokes through her difficult adolescence where she must parent her own mother, who married her husband because he looked like white Jesus (and the singer of The Bee Gees). And with humor and irreverence and full-throated openness, she jokes even while sharing the story of what her family went through during the last century of colonialism and war in Korea, while reflecting how years later, their wounds affect her in New York City as a single mom, all the while interrogating whiteness, gender, and sexuality.
Youngmi jokes through these stories in hopes of passing onto the reader what her family passed down to The gift of laughing while crying. The gift of a hairy butthole. Because throughout it all, the one thing she learned was one cannot exist without the other. And like a yin and yang, this duality is reflected in this whip-smart, heart-wrenching, and disarmingly funny memoir told by a bright new voice with so much heart and wisdom.
In I’m Laughing Because I’m Crying, Youngmi jokes through the retelling of her childhood as an offbeat biracial kid in Saipan, a place next to a place that Americans might know. She jokes through her difficult adolescence where she must parent her own mother, who married her husband because he looked like white Jesus (and the singer of The Bee Gees). And with humor and irreverence and full-throated openness, she jokes even while sharing the story of what her family went through during the last century of colonialism and war in Korea, while reflecting how years later, their wounds affect her in New York City as a single mom, all the while interrogating whiteness, gender, and sexuality.
Youngmi jokes through these stories in hopes of passing onto the reader what her family passed down to The gift of laughing while crying. The gift of a hairy butthole. Because throughout it all, the one thing she learned was one cannot exist without the other. And like a yin and yang, this duality is reflected in this whip-smart, heart-wrenching, and disarmingly funny memoir told by a bright new voice with so much heart and wisdom.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published November 12, 2024
348 people are currently reading
16271 people want to read
About the author
Youngmi Mayer
1 book96 followersYoungmi Mayer is a standup comedian and host of the podcasts Feeling Asian and Hairy Butthole. She has been on The Today Show, ABC News, Rolling Stone, CNN, Vice Munchies, Eater’s Guide To The World and The Mind Of A Chef. Her work has been featured in Netflix Is A Joke, Comedy Central and BBC. She has written for Lucky Peach, Cherry Bombe, InStyle and Women’s Health Magazine. She is one of the rare comedians working today who has obtained success both on online platforms and in the mainstream. She lives in New York City with her son, Mino Bowien.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 499 reviews
March 27, 2025
this is the type of vibe i bring to the function.
this is an extremely funny, extremely interesting book. all you have to do to enjoy it is agree to the following terms:
- youngmi mayer was the most brilliant first grader with the most potential in global history
- every person you encounter in life looks "exactly" like a specific public figure
- a lot of sweeping declarations and devastating tragedies will be disclosed without an.ounce of decorum.
this sort of former gifted kid rhetoric is fine by me, and i admire a dark sense of humor, so outside of some kinda wack coverage of breastfeeding i had a great time reading this.
the format rocked, i learned a bunch of things, i laughed, i cried (or the reading equivalent of both, so closer to puffing air out of my nose).
i'd never heard of the author before reading this (that's how diehard a memoir fan i am — i don't even need to be aware of the synopsis), but i'm an appreciator of hers now!
bottom line: another win for the only kind of nonfiction i read.
(thanks to the publisher for the arc)
this is an extremely funny, extremely interesting book. all you have to do to enjoy it is agree to the following terms:
- youngmi mayer was the most brilliant first grader with the most potential in global history
- every person you encounter in life looks "exactly" like a specific public figure
- a lot of sweeping declarations and devastating tragedies will be disclosed without an.ounce of decorum.
this sort of former gifted kid rhetoric is fine by me, and i admire a dark sense of humor, so outside of some kinda wack coverage of breastfeeding i had a great time reading this.
the format rocked, i learned a bunch of things, i laughed, i cried (or the reading equivalent of both, so closer to puffing air out of my nose).
i'd never heard of the author before reading this (that's how diehard a memoir fan i am — i don't even need to be aware of the synopsis), but i'm an appreciator of hers now!
bottom line: another win for the only kind of nonfiction i read.
(thanks to the publisher for the arc)
November 11, 2024
i tore through this! i’ve followed youngmi online for a while and ive always been impressed with her reflective commentary, but this was on another level. so much life is packed in here with the most touching and incredible analysis of her own story and the world around her. loved it
November 19, 2024
my friend described this book as “singular,” and while at the time of her recommendation, i thought the description felt a bit hyperbolic, i do agree with it after finishing the book.
i think the best way i can describe this book isn’t by words but with a feeling. this book feels like a long 4 hour catch up session with a close friend. there’s inside jokes and fun and playfulness, but also a raw emotional intimacy and vulnerability that i as a reader almost don’t feel like i deserve. i ended the book feeling like i was saying goodbye to this close friend— happy to have shared this time and these emotions together, not sure when ill see her next, but looking forward to when i do.
i think the best way i can describe this book isn’t by words but with a feeling. this book feels like a long 4 hour catch up session with a close friend. there’s inside jokes and fun and playfulness, but also a raw emotional intimacy and vulnerability that i as a reader almost don’t feel like i deserve. i ended the book feeling like i was saying goodbye to this close friend— happy to have shared this time and these emotions together, not sure when ill see her next, but looking forward to when i do.
December 14, 2024
Last 2 chapters launched me into the stratosphere
December 20, 2024
I was only vaguely aware of Youngmi Mayer from tiktok before picking up the audiobook of this blunt and honest memoir, read by the author. I think experiencing it as an audiobook greatly enhanced my experience- the sections in which the author's voice shook with emotion when describing, in particular, the hardships her family experienced during the Japanese occupation of Korea, meant the memories hit much harder than they might have if I was reading in print. Overall I was very impressed by Mayer's insights on her multi-cultural mixed-race childhood, how her parents' traumas impacted their ability to be present for their kids, and how that damage played out in her teens and early twenties. This book tackles a lot of heavy subjects including colonial violence, bullying, fat-shaming, eating disorders, drug use, suicide, and depression. The tone, which is almost aggressively matter-of-fact, with flashes of piercing insight and occasional jokes, kept me riveted. I do wish a late chapter on a brief queer relationship had been more thoughtful; that was one section that felt kind of half-baked and unnecessarily gender-binary. But overall I'd still recommend this memoir, especially for those looking for critical takes on the fault lines of both Korean and American culture.
December 7, 2024
Mayer’s analysis of life in Korea is raw and fascinating, but when it comes to telling her own stories, she does herself a disservice by prematurely stunting the endings of many of them. She’ll begin retelling the abuses of her parents or introduce a family history, only to be distracted by another point she wants to make, forgetting to wrap up loose ends. In her own words, “This entire book has been full of repetitive ideas that go around in circles and come out without an answer.” Also, it’s a weird flex to say how you tried and failed to get addicted to heroin.
November 28, 2024
youngmi the woman that you are!!!! I'll be thinking about this book for the rest of my life. the parts about Mino especially 🐻😭❣️ fav book of 2024 by far.
March 30, 2024
I received a copy of the book "I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying" from NetGalley. Youngmi Mayer is a standup comedian. She writes of growing up in Korea and Saipan. She writes of being a bi-racial girl. with a Caucasian father and Korean mother. Although she writes of her life with a sense of humor she had a very tough childhood. Her mother could be very blunt and cruel { never having anything positive to say} Kids at school could be mean to her. She moved many times over her childhood. in her late teens she ended up in America. She eventually became a stand up comic using her difficult childhood and adult years in her act. Even though she wrote this book with humor it is sometimes tough for me to read feeling sympathy for her. The title of the Book comes from a quote she learned in life that you can be "laughing because you are crying" when a person can be heartbreaking but laughing at the same time. A pretty good read. like I mentioned sometimes hard to read about the obstacles that Youngmi Mayer had in life.
April 10, 2025
This was so good! I have read a lot of memoirs by comedians, but this one is my new favorite. I would read it again. I was not familiar with her work, so I went into her life story blindly. It was sooo interesting! This wasn’t superficial at all. It tells the story of a Korean immigrant dealing with growing up in the 90s and how she got to where she is today. It’s heartfelt and inspiring but it’s also a look into mental health and how people, especially women, learn to mask their unhappiness using humor. This technique is something learned from our elders who pass it down as a form of resilience to the struggles and trauma of life.
I am so impressed by the writing style and the historical lesson that this was. Great job!
I am so impressed by the writing style and the historical lesson that this was. Great job!
November 13, 2024
The best book I’ve read all year. My library hold came in late last night and I read it straight through. Youngmi’s writing is expertly crafted, hitting a perfect balance of being so dark yet funny enough to pull the darkness back a bit. I also appreciated that there was a lot of attention to detail in explaining the history of her family and of Korea and Saipan.
This is the first time in a while where a book has really resonated and caused me to think about my own life choices and relationship with my parents. I’m already planning on re-reading it.
This is the first time in a while where a book has really resonated and caused me to think about my own life choices and relationship with my parents. I’m already planning on re-reading it.
June 3, 2025
One of the best/most accurate korean experience books i’ve read.
March 10, 2025
I had never heard of Youngmi Mayer (a Korean/American comedian), but I'm a Korean poetry lecturer, so I assume that's why this book popped onto my radar. And I AM SO GLAD IT DID! Youngmi's not only a comedian, but also a writer, and a social commentator. This book is so good!
She writes that I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE I'M CRYING is about "... two wolves inside of you: a white guy who can't shut the fuck up and an Asian woman who feels ashamed every time she talks. You are both. They are you and you are them. The white guy and the Asian woman live within each and everyone of us" (page 8).
Although her experiences are not mine -- and although hers were so, so, so, so challenging -- she writes so specifically about her experiences that they become relatable. And she writes in a way that makes me have empathy and understanding for why she responds to the world through dark humor. And also why the world operates the way it does.
Throughout the book, Mayer explores Korean history, culture, and social norms, including sections about American soldiers in Korea, and international adoption.
She doesn't care about offending people -- whites, Americans, men, Koreans, Christians, etc. She's blunt. Brash. She's in your face. And she is annoyed, frustrated, and not at all pleased, if you're unhappy.
The section on Korean names and how Koreans view them (as sacred) was fascinating. This section also reminded me that Koreans are referred to as their relation to others (or age), and not by their names. As a Korean poetry lecturer, I found her cultural commentary and explanations of social norms particularly useful!
Her family has dealt with so much trauma. Her lineage is rife with abuse, racism, poverty, terror, death, isolation. It's remarkable (and yet understandable) how she is able to find laughter and comedy. Yet, I wonder: what other choice she (or her relatives) had?
This book is DARK. I thought it would be light-funny. And yes, it's funny (sometimes), but mostly IT IS HORRIFIC; it's disturbing; it's heart-breaking sad. I found it unsettling that she's younger than me, but has dealt with everything she has.
The chapters are divided by subsections and there are Korean characters/words interspersed throughout, which I loved.
If you're looking for an easy, comedy-laced read, this is not it. But if you're looking for deep insights, irony, honesty around race, stories and anecdotes, and an exploration of tradition and centuries of mistreatment, of politics in action, with punchlines that resonate, I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE I'M CRYING is the text for you.
"[Men said] Christianity was about loving the Lord, but what they meant ... was it was about controlling women and perpetuating a social hierarchy" (page 51). I knew this to be true, but I had never thought/saw/heard it like this. This is how the book is. Mayer says things that I know, but in a way that makes it resonate deeper than it has before. I read the above quoted sentence over and over as I thought of every white man who "could hear the dog whistles in the sermons...." and I began to understand why Christianity is for men on the far right.
The book is political (all art is, right?) but written in a way that doesn't make it uncomfortable or in-your-face. As long as you're okay reading about some really dark and disturbing things, PICK THIS BOOK UP! You won't be disappointed.
She writes that I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE I'M CRYING is about "... two wolves inside of you: a white guy who can't shut the fuck up and an Asian woman who feels ashamed every time she talks. You are both. They are you and you are them. The white guy and the Asian woman live within each and everyone of us" (page 8).
Although her experiences are not mine -- and although hers were so, so, so, so challenging -- she writes so specifically about her experiences that they become relatable. And she writes in a way that makes me have empathy and understanding for why she responds to the world through dark humor. And also why the world operates the way it does.
Throughout the book, Mayer explores Korean history, culture, and social norms, including sections about American soldiers in Korea, and international adoption.
She doesn't care about offending people -- whites, Americans, men, Koreans, Christians, etc. She's blunt. Brash. She's in your face. And she is annoyed, frustrated, and not at all pleased, if you're unhappy.
The section on Korean names and how Koreans view them (as sacred) was fascinating. This section also reminded me that Koreans are referred to as their relation to others (or age), and not by their names. As a Korean poetry lecturer, I found her cultural commentary and explanations of social norms particularly useful!
Her family has dealt with so much trauma. Her lineage is rife with abuse, racism, poverty, terror, death, isolation. It's remarkable (and yet understandable) how she is able to find laughter and comedy. Yet, I wonder: what other choice she (or her relatives) had?
This book is DARK. I thought it would be light-funny. And yes, it's funny (sometimes), but mostly IT IS HORRIFIC; it's disturbing; it's heart-breaking sad. I found it unsettling that she's younger than me, but has dealt with everything she has.
The chapters are divided by subsections and there are Korean characters/words interspersed throughout, which I loved.
If you're looking for an easy, comedy-laced read, this is not it. But if you're looking for deep insights, irony, honesty around race, stories and anecdotes, and an exploration of tradition and centuries of mistreatment, of politics in action, with punchlines that resonate, I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE I'M CRYING is the text for you.
"[Men said] Christianity was about loving the Lord, but what they meant ... was it was about controlling women and perpetuating a social hierarchy" (page 51). I knew this to be true, but I had never thought/saw/heard it like this. This is how the book is. Mayer says things that I know, but in a way that makes it resonate deeper than it has before. I read the above quoted sentence over and over as I thought of every white man who "could hear the dog whistles in the sermons...." and I began to understand why Christianity is for men on the far right.
The book is political (all art is, right?) but written in a way that doesn't make it uncomfortable or in-your-face. As long as you're okay reading about some really dark and disturbing things, PICK THIS BOOK UP! You won't be disappointed.
March 7, 2025
i know i rate nearly every memoir highly (because they’re telling their truth, okay? who am i to judge?) but this one resonated with me so deeply! she illustrates the biracial experience so uniquely yet flawlessly, and her writing is brimming with wit and emotion. you can also tell how much research into korean history was put into this and i appreciate how she masterfully ties it to her own experiences. i’m grateful that i listened to the audiobook because her delivery was so touching and humorous, but i want to purchase a printed copy and sleep with it every night under my pillow! <3 youngmi mayer - the woman you are!! i love you my fellow messy wasian queen!
January 5, 2025
wow a really fantastic read to start off the year. I'm really glad to have read this via audio, Youngmi Mayer's vocal performance is truly so funny, full of life, and devastating. I even cracked up listening to her read the end credits. I'm a casual fan but was really wowed by this book, genuinely funny, heartbreaking, and nuanced. honestly I usually don't love when memoirs go into childhood memories, but youngmi has clearly done a lot of processing about her life, and tells stories about her youth that are entertaining but also tie into meaningful observations about life, culture, and how she came to be the person she is today. she is not shy about the many ways her parents failed her; but also demonstrates a level of compassion and understanding towards them that clearly involved many many years of therapy (#goals??). i really loved seeing her perspective of korean culture and actually learned a ton. the chapters in her adult life are honestly really juicy, and I actually really appreciated her stating outright that she experienced a number of tramatic things like sexual assault, and she didn't want to get into it in the book, but she wanted to name it. not the first sad-funny book i've ever read, but perhaps the best? and one that really plumbs the relationship between sadness and humor, and makes it feel profound? I am definitely picking up a print copy to revisit and annotate.
October 30, 2024
Absolutely incredible memoir from a both hilarious and incredibly intelligent comedian. Youngmi Mayer has one of those life paths that is just interesting - living in multiple countries with parents of different languages and cultures - but I think she could have written a mesmerizing memoir even without this life story to guide her. She has so many stories that will have you laughing out loud, and she is able to take these stories and skillfully weave in deep societal analysis that will really make you think. So deep that I have considered listening again to take notes.
Mayer grew up in Korea, and she sprinkles a lot of Korean into this book. I really loved the audio version because of this - Korean is just a beautiful language to listen to. Mayer is also just a fun narrator, and her voice brings her stories to life.
There are so many other reviews out there that go way deeper, but I am just in awe of her skill here. I hope this is not the last I read from Youngmi Mayer!
Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan audio for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Mayer grew up in Korea, and she sprinkles a lot of Korean into this book. I really loved the audio version because of this - Korean is just a beautiful language to listen to. Mayer is also just a fun narrator, and her voice brings her stories to life.
There are so many other reviews out there that go way deeper, but I am just in awe of her skill here. I hope this is not the last I read from Youngmi Mayer!
Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan audio for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review!
February 4, 2025
2nd book of 2025. I absolutely flew through the book. Reading this as a Korean American who has their fair share of both deep appreciation and love for Korea, and a deep resentment and criticism, I felt like this book captured those complicated feelings. Youngmi’s writing made me be there with her through all her years. I laughed, I teared up, I got angry, and I was filled with 정.
March 4, 2025
Parts of this book were fascinating and I really wanted to like it. But I decided to stop at page 74. It was filled so much hate towards many groups of people. She’s a comedian so I wanted to blow it off as funny, but most of what I read wasn’t a joke, she was serious. She’s got a beef against men, women, Koreans, Americans, Christians, etc.
March 3, 2025
I wanted to give this book 5 stars. The first section *was* five stars: so interesting and funny and well-paced, but the rest of it got kind of boring and overly-dramatic and navel-gazing.
December 27, 2024
Will spend majority of my bookselling career making sure this gets in as many hands as possible.
July 20, 2025
The writing was good but overall this was so uneven! It feels like the author thinks she’s the smartest person in every room which is just off putting. I did laugh a bunch! The first half was better than the second.
December 17, 2024
I’m trying recall every book I’ve ever read to be able to rank this as my favorite fairly. Youngmi writes this memoir in the way I imagine every writer aspires to write - matter-of-factly and raw and vulnerable and not giving a fuck but also holding every story and memory with the most possible care. When I was both laughing and crying in the PROLOGUE I knew it was over for me. I recommend this to any one who wants to ugly sob feel everything and laugh about the ridiculousness and absolute cruelty and beauty of it all along the way
January 11, 2025
This book was absolutely fantastic. I listened to the audiobook which was particularly fun because the author reads it herself. I loved the historical details, all of the personal anecdotes, and the sheer magnitude of scenes from the authors’ life that I could relate to and empathize with, even though we don’t share many common experiences. Highly recommend!
September 1, 2025
Youngmi told her story with such vulnerability and humor. This was sad and sweet and heartbreaking and such a joy to read. She reads it herself in the audiobook version which really added a layer of emotion throughout the book.
June 5, 2025
This was more of a 3.5 star for me. I rounded up since Youngmi taught me that there is a Pesto World Championship that exists, and every time she mentioned it she would follow it with "lol".
Low key annoyed they didn't share the award winning pesto recipe, but I think I'm placing a lot more importance on this small piece of the story than the author intended for the reader...
Low key annoyed they didn't share the award winning pesto recipe, but I think I'm placing a lot more importance on this small piece of the story than the author intended for the reader...
November 14, 2024
I read most of this book in one sitting, while I was getting my hair done for 5.5 hours :') And I was in shock for most of the time that I was reading. Maybe I live under a lil rock, because I wasn't really familiar with Youngmi before I read this book - and then I looked on IG and saw so many of my friends following her. In the beginning of the book, she said that most people (or maybe no one) have a life that's similar to hers and she's so right. I was in shock just reading about these events because she's so resilient??? Like how could all of that happen to one person??? And she's choosing to laugh about it instead of just sitting in the trauma and giving up???
Likes/things that stood out to me:
- This book is generally pretty funny!! I get it, she's a comedian, so that tracks. I wouldn't say I was straight LOL-ing the way I do with Mindy Kaling or Jimmy O. Yang, but I was definitely giggling out loud a lot.
- This book is also very smart - she really thinks deeply and is thoughtful about how she writes about topics. The last section is most memorable, because I just read it a few hours ago, but I like how she talked about the beef between Asian American women and Asian American men and referenced the story about her uncle's best friend having to slap him in class because their Japanese teacher caught the uncle speaking Korean. "Even though the hand came from the best friend, the slap did not." And then she talked about how as Asian American women and men, it's like we're slapping each other without releasing where it started and noticing that we are not the enemy - this is the system that we grow up in. Anyways, it's so refreshing to hear Asian American/Asian issues talked about with such deep thought - instead of relying on tropes like "we're Asian so we ask if you've eaten to say ily" looool
- I think about "specificity gives birth to universality" a lot (said by one of my writing teachers). Youngmi writes so specifically about her experiences and her life is so unique, but her feelings and struggles are also very relatable.
- Youngmi doesn't sugarcoat things, doesn't care about making herself look good, etc. but it's also not a takedown of people - it feels very balanced.
- I can tell that Youngmi did a lot of research for this book, because it's that great mix of history, current events, and personal narrative that I love. I learned so much from reading this book.
Dislikes:
- Ok, there actually are some instances where she's a little reductionist about Asian American stuff like when she says "Asian Americans mostly all have the same stories. But white men mostly do too and that hasn't stopped them from telling their stories! So Asian Americans/Asians should keep telling their stories!" Ok I agree with the conclusion, but I think we do have different experiences?? I know part of why I think that is because I'm from ~Indiana~ but I do still like the idea that we are unique and different and should tell our stories :D
- There were sometimes when the descriptions went on for so long and I was like ok can we fast forward lol I get it - but this is partially because I'm an impatient reader
This book is definitely not a light read lol - I was expecting it to be a little heavy but some parts are REALLY heavy. But this book was a good read and it's fun to read thoughtful, introspective work.
Likes/things that stood out to me:
- This book is generally pretty funny!! I get it, she's a comedian, so that tracks. I wouldn't say I was straight LOL-ing the way I do with Mindy Kaling or Jimmy O. Yang, but I was definitely giggling out loud a lot.
- This book is also very smart - she really thinks deeply and is thoughtful about how she writes about topics. The last section is most memorable, because I just read it a few hours ago, but I like how she talked about the beef between Asian American women and Asian American men and referenced the story about her uncle's best friend having to slap him in class because their Japanese teacher caught the uncle speaking Korean. "Even though the hand came from the best friend, the slap did not." And then she talked about how as Asian American women and men, it's like we're slapping each other without releasing where it started and noticing that we are not the enemy - this is the system that we grow up in. Anyways, it's so refreshing to hear Asian American/Asian issues talked about with such deep thought - instead of relying on tropes like "we're Asian so we ask if you've eaten to say ily" looool
- I think about "specificity gives birth to universality" a lot (said by one of my writing teachers). Youngmi writes so specifically about her experiences and her life is so unique, but her feelings and struggles are also very relatable.
- Youngmi doesn't sugarcoat things, doesn't care about making herself look good, etc. but it's also not a takedown of people - it feels very balanced.
- I can tell that Youngmi did a lot of research for this book, because it's that great mix of history, current events, and personal narrative that I love. I learned so much from reading this book.
Dislikes:
- Ok, there actually are some instances where she's a little reductionist about Asian American stuff like when she says "Asian Americans mostly all have the same stories. But white men mostly do too and that hasn't stopped them from telling their stories! So Asian Americans/Asians should keep telling their stories!" Ok I agree with the conclusion, but I think we do have different experiences?? I know part of why I think that is because I'm from ~Indiana~ but I do still like the idea that we are unique and different and should tell our stories :D
- There were sometimes when the descriptions went on for so long and I was like ok can we fast forward lol I get it - but this is partially because I'm an impatient reader
This book is definitely not a light read lol - I was expecting it to be a little heavy but some parts are REALLY heavy. But this book was a good read and it's fun to read thoughtful, introspective work.
November 11, 2024
In her deceptively short memoir, Youngmi Mayer takes readers on a journey through her incredible (and at times unbelievable) life with a straightforward, sharp voice that is uniquely her own. The daughter of a Korean immigrant mother and a Caucasian father who unexpectedly met in Alaska, Mayer begins not with her own birth but the story of her grandparents, laying the context of a complicated heritage and backstory. The memoir is both a recounting of her own life but also serves as a history lesson, noting how the impact of war and colonialism as well as deeply rooted cultural norms and expectations shaped her ancestors' lives.
Mayer herself has lived an extensive life in her relatively short years; born in Alaska, she grew up with a distant father who was frequently gone for his work as a pilot and a mother who took on low wage jobs to help make ends meet, with an abusive older half-sister from her father's earlier marriage. Over the course of her childhood, her family moved to Saipan and South Korea - until Mayer moved herself to San Francisco and attempted to build a life for herself, despite having no clear path forward. She details the deplorable living conditions she lived in as she took on minimum wage jobs, to her eventual meeting and marriage with Danny Bowien, the now-celebrity chef who took the culinary world by storm with Mission Chinese. She doesn't shy away from sharing the ways this unplanned fame and wealth changed their lives - and was a driver into their eventual divorce, even with their son Mino in their lives. Even though this would have broken many others, Mayer used the divorce as a chance to pivot her life entirely, even at the risk of failure, and make an identity for herself, on her own terms.
Despite the seemingly light-hearted title and some of the humorous sections of this memoir, this was very much a bittersweet read. They say comedy is tragedy plus time, and in no other work is this statement truer; Mayer has taken some incredibly painful and vulnerable moments in her life, but has found glimmers of humor and laughter to share. She's covered a number of difficult themes and topics in these pages as well, including racial identity and belonging; the inadequacy of being too much or not enough, especially as a woman; white supremacy and the history of colonialism, war, and abuse; racial discrimination/fetishization; classism and wealth; weaponizing of sex and sexuality; generational trauma; marriage and motherhood; and mental illness, especially in Asian American populations.
I'm so grateful I had a chance to read "I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying" before its publication, and would recommend to readers when it's published on November 12th!
Thank you Little, Brown and Co. for the advance copy of this memoir!
Mayer herself has lived an extensive life in her relatively short years; born in Alaska, she grew up with a distant father who was frequently gone for his work as a pilot and a mother who took on low wage jobs to help make ends meet, with an abusive older half-sister from her father's earlier marriage. Over the course of her childhood, her family moved to Saipan and South Korea - until Mayer moved herself to San Francisco and attempted to build a life for herself, despite having no clear path forward. She details the deplorable living conditions she lived in as she took on minimum wage jobs, to her eventual meeting and marriage with Danny Bowien, the now-celebrity chef who took the culinary world by storm with Mission Chinese. She doesn't shy away from sharing the ways this unplanned fame and wealth changed their lives - and was a driver into their eventual divorce, even with their son Mino in their lives. Even though this would have broken many others, Mayer used the divorce as a chance to pivot her life entirely, even at the risk of failure, and make an identity for herself, on her own terms.
Despite the seemingly light-hearted title and some of the humorous sections of this memoir, this was very much a bittersweet read. They say comedy is tragedy plus time, and in no other work is this statement truer; Mayer has taken some incredibly painful and vulnerable moments in her life, but has found glimmers of humor and laughter to share. She's covered a number of difficult themes and topics in these pages as well, including racial identity and belonging; the inadequacy of being too much or not enough, especially as a woman; white supremacy and the history of colonialism, war, and abuse; racial discrimination/fetishization; classism and wealth; weaponizing of sex and sexuality; generational trauma; marriage and motherhood; and mental illness, especially in Asian American populations.
I'm so grateful I had a chance to read "I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying" before its publication, and would recommend to readers when it's published on November 12th!
Thank you Little, Brown and Co. for the advance copy of this memoir!
February 11, 2025
Getting into memoirs
December 31, 2024
I follow youngmi (feels very informal to refer to an author by first name but also feels very formal to refer to a social media comedian by last name???) on instagram, where she is extremely funny. I had confidence her memoir would be equally so, but I wasn't prepared for the level of brilliance this reaches. rly excellent rhetorical approach of positing herself as a dumbass only to unload, with absolute assured confidence, a dozen sparklingly insightful, cuttingly astute (diamond-like, 1 might even say!!) truths about the human condition and the history of the unfolding, and dynamics, of power in the world along a number of axes. and then, in addition to the profound certitude, there are also moments at which she will say things like 'I think [emphasis mine] this is why my parents dah-dundun-dadah' or whatever, and she knows just when to wield that willingness to admit that so few of what we think we know can ever truly be known for certain.
just good fuckin shit. honestly a good thing my loan expired before I could write this review (I took a much-needed Break From Computer for the past two weeks and now I'm catching up) so I'm spared from trying to pick one shining perfect golden quote that could distill the veracity of all of this distinctly, because honestly, the beauty of this book is that that's not really possible, because it's about everything. am desirous of purchasing a copy for my personal library, although I am also EXTREMELY glad I listened to this on audiobook first, because mayer's (see, I'm taking it in turns) narration is...man. killer. most memoirists are also good at narrating their memoirs but truly this is next-level!!!!
just good fuckin shit. honestly a good thing my loan expired before I could write this review (I took a much-needed Break From Computer for the past two weeks and now I'm catching up) so I'm spared from trying to pick one shining perfect golden quote that could distill the veracity of all of this distinctly, because honestly, the beauty of this book is that that's not really possible, because it's about everything. am desirous of purchasing a copy for my personal library, although I am also EXTREMELY glad I listened to this on audiobook first, because mayer's (see, I'm taking it in turns) narration is...man. killer. most memoirists are also good at narrating their memoirs but truly this is next-level!!!!
April 21, 2025
she’s kinda really cool after everything she’s been through what an icon also i liked the thing she said at the beginning about coming from korea and not perceiving herself as inferior because of that because when i talk to american desis i relate to that a lot
July 15, 2025
overall i really enjoyed reading this, feels like i am in college again being introduced to different asian american experiences for the first time. honestly didnt super connect w her sense of humor at first (and i felt similarly when coming across her videos on social media previously) but youngmi’s writing style ended up coming across as strikingly authentic and real and really grew on me. felt like she was just telling a story to a friend and that was compelling
also she spent some of her childhood in saipan and it was really crazy to be reading abt her experiences with the private school system (which i am intimately familiar with) that was primarily why i picked it up initially but im glad i did! and also wasians are #valid guys
also she spent some of her childhood in saipan and it was really crazy to be reading abt her experiences with the private school system (which i am intimately familiar with) that was primarily why i picked it up initially but im glad i did! and also wasians are #valid guys
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