A heart-wrenching story of a marriage in trouble… or rather, one that was heartbreakingly over before it truly began. Or was it?
Magnus began life as an orphan, an infant in a potato sack left on the doorstep of a wealthy household. He was taken in and raised as a servant, doing slop work. Ridiculed, called ugly, a beast, he felt worthless. Had no idea what it felt like to be loved but yearned for love and belonging.
He was taught to shoot, read and write by the master of the household, and after winning a shooting competition at the age of 16, he promptly bought himself a commission with the prize money, joined the military, and worked tirelessly to became a revered, feared, respected colonel and ultimately a national hero for saving the life of a general on the battlefield. But he never, ever, lost the deep-seated need to be loved, wanted, and not just tolerated.
He met Alexandra, the intelligent, kind-hearted, charming and very beautiful daughter of Lord Bellamy, at a house party thrown by her father. It was love at first sight for Magnus, a desire and yearning so powerful he, being aware of the family’s financial issues, impetuously struck a deal to marry her in exchange for making her father solvent again. He basically gave her no choice, strategically maneuvering to get what he wanted.
One innocent, foolish, impulsive act by Alexandra on the evening after they married, witnessed by Magnus, destroyed him emotionally and he left the following day for a five year diplomatic stint in Spain, leaving his heartbroken wife, and his heart, behind.
The book opens upon his return to England, where he is unwavering in his intent to put plans into motion to banish Alexandra to his estate in America, hopefully closing the door forever on his heartbreak.
Sharing a suite at The Grand Palace on The Thames while his (her) home was being sold brought them in proximity. And their agreed upon mission to briefly play the happily married couple so he could be assured of receiving the courtesy title of Earl which was being considered by the king, saw them sharing meals, attending balls, going to late night donkey races with Mr Delacorte (hilarious), and slowly, truly getting to know one another for the first time.
Their physical relationship (the marriage had been unconsummated to this point) was raw and intense, imbued with yearning, connection, wonder, and the joy of discovery. This connection slowly laid waste to their pride, their past hurts, and simultaneously made them feel safer, and more vulnerable. Such beautifully written, complex emotions.
There were large parts of this book that crossed the line from very angsty to “damn, this is breaking my heart” territory. This wasn’t quite the reading experience I was looking for but no way can I deduct any stars because the author has proven, once again, that she is absolutely brilliant in her ability to Make. Me. Feel. I felt every angsty, heart-wrenching emotion both MCs felt, and more than reading a story, I felt I was experiencing the story. This was definitely not the comfort read I’ve come to expect from the series but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The further I got into the story, when it became crystal clear that although they very much belonged together, and would make such a fabulous team, of husband and wife, friends, lovers, but were both seemingly still set on the plan of parting permanently, I kept thinking oh, one of you pleaseeee swallow your stubborn pride and lay your heart on the line or you will live a lifetime filled with regret for turning your back on the best thing that will ever happen to you.
Finally, she laid her head back down on his chest. She listened to the precious, steady thump, thump, thump of his battered, stubborn, vulnerable, flawed, foolish heart.
Her own foolish heart beat in time with his now.
And damn if the letter he left for her near the end of the book didn’t make me cry. I can’t remember the last time that happened. I can’t remember ever reading a love letter such as his. And yes, I read it several times over, and cried every time.
What a treasure – a story that can do that to you.
Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an eARC in exchange for an honest review