But They're So Nice: Unmasking Covert Abuse & Narcissistic People

by Eleni Sagredos

The "nice guy" abusers. While abusers can be any gender these individuals possess the ability to appear gentle, kind, vulnerable, and even empathetic. It is precisely this facade that renders their abuse so insidious and bewildering, making it exceedingly difficult for those ensnared in such relationships to detect the toxicity. As a narcissistic abuse educator I work with numerous clients to heal and shed light on the dynamics of narcissistic relationships, psychological and covert abuse. This book includes stories from other survivors and my own experience to provide practical insights on the real life nuance in which abuse plays out. I hope to empower others to recognize the signs of narcissistic relationships, regain their self-worth, and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Abuse

223 pages, Paperback

Published September 29, 2023

Reviews

[K.R. Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt this was a fairly comprehensive book outlining key aspects of difficulty which arise in relationships involving people with narcissistic traits, especially the more covert behaviours which focus on a positive self image to manipulate.

This book highlighted some key theories and research around individuals with toxic and narcissistic traits, including discussion of the different ways narcissism can show up, the difference between envy and jealousy as motivators, and the steps towards healing after being a victim of narcissistic abuse.

It also explored some of the key understanding we use to make sense of their behaviours, including the need to “split” people or see them as one thing or another, instead of a multifaceted human being.

Overall, a hard book to read considering the topic, but very useful to identify those behaviours subtler than we think of when imagining what narcissism looks like.

[Luna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise, easy to read, highly informative and very helpful. Eleni Sagredos describes the narcissistic mindset down to a T. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has had close encounters with a covert narcissist or an insidious abuser. I personally found this book enlightening, validating and useful.

[Venus · Rating 4 out of 5]

A decent synthesis of information for those experiencing/have experienced narcissistic abuse. That said, there's nothing really new here if you've read any amount into the subject. Good for someone dipping their toes into it for whatever reason especially in terms of availability.

[Raakel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Explains well the ‘death by a thousand cuts’ experienced by narc victims. Also useful for those interested in the difference between “classic” abuse and Narcissistic abuse

[Mikayla Aki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good insight. Felt like the author was repeating herself throughout the book tho

[Catherine Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never felt so seen and validated by anyone, let alone a BOOK!
Thank you for reinforcing that I’m not crazy and haven’t slipped off into some delusional land of chaos.
This was a wonderful tool to put into my mental health recovery toolbox.

Soooo many sticky notes were used.