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Stop Whining, Start Living
Dr. Laura Schlessinger agrees that there are things worth whining about! A certain amount of whining allows for some venting of reasonable pain, disappointment, fear, frustration, or frank rage. However, staying stuck in whining mode can become a life-long problem. This is where Dr. Laura steps in with Stop Whining, Start Living to help folks conquer the temptation to retreat from living life to the fullest.
As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the opportunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do my best to help you with that. . . . I know of what I speak, as this has been my torturous journey also." Building on the principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura issues an important message in the no-nonsense but compassionate voice that is her trademark: If you don't like your life, quit talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how difficult or impossible your situation seems.
While it is healthy to vent occasionally, endless rumination on the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining, Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes; shift perspective; open up to gratitude and goodness; and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be doing—instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities—will have you feeling better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in incredible ways.
Illustrated by calls and letters from members of Dr. Laura's huge international audience, Stop Whining, Start Living features brave testimonials from real human beings facing real challenges. These folks have benefited enormously from Dr. Laura's powerful lessons.
Stop Whining, Start Living gives readers stuck in their suffering the jump start they need to break out of reactive mode and get proactive, moving in the direction of a joyful, meaningful, happy, fulfilling, and purposeful future. Everyone can use a kick in the pants sometimes, and Dr. Laura, who "preaches, teaches, and nags" to millions every day on her radio program, is here to deliver it!
As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the opportunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do my best to help you with that. . . . I know of what I speak, as this has been my torturous journey also." Building on the principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura issues an important message in the no-nonsense but compassionate voice that is her trademark: If you don't like your life, quit talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how difficult or impossible your situation seems.
While it is healthy to vent occasionally, endless rumination on the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining, Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes; shift perspective; open up to gratitude and goodness; and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be doing—instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities—will have you feeling better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in incredible ways.
Illustrated by calls and letters from members of Dr. Laura's huge international audience, Stop Whining, Start Living features brave testimonials from real human beings facing real challenges. These folks have benefited enormously from Dr. Laura's powerful lessons.
Stop Whining, Start Living gives readers stuck in their suffering the jump start they need to break out of reactive mode and get proactive, moving in the direction of a joyful, meaningful, happy, fulfilling, and purposeful future. Everyone can use a kick in the pants sometimes, and Dr. Laura, who "preaches, teaches, and nags" to millions every day on her radio program, is here to deliver it!
197 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
76 people are currently reading
407 people want to read
About the author
Laura Schlessinger
63 books253 followersLaura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 111 reviews
February 9, 2017
I learned a lot from this book. You can ask me for the full list later, but here are my top three (pardon the French):
"As a wise person once said, recognizing that reflexive emotions happen and seem to be out of our control, still we can 'Let them, like birds, land on our heads-but we don't have to let them build nests.'"
"When you spend your time whining, justified or not, you lose time living. Don't make that trade-off."
"If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own damn lawn."
As a side note, it only took reading about 5 pages before I started thinking differently and changing for the better.
"As a wise person once said, recognizing that reflexive emotions happen and seem to be out of our control, still we can 'Let them, like birds, land on our heads-but we don't have to let them build nests.'"
"When you spend your time whining, justified or not, you lose time living. Don't make that trade-off."
"If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own damn lawn."
As a side note, it only took reading about 5 pages before I started thinking differently and changing for the better.
March 25, 2008
i rarely award a book a full 5 stars, but i did so with this book. There wasn't really any novel or 'revelationary' information, but i was still left feeling inspired and ready to take on the day. This is one that I want to own and mark and re-read again and again for a further kick in the pants to get going. It leaves me wondering about the actual biological causes and treatments of clinical depression, but still inspired that no matter what the origin, there is plenty i can do to influence and improve it.
May 13, 2008
Let me tell ya, that Dr. Laura is a BEAST but she is always right. She changed the way I saw my husband in "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" which probably saved my marriage. Now she's changed the way I see myself, which I hope will save my sanity.
November 9, 2022
This book sounds rather cheesy, but it was actually pretty good. I definitely view life with negative lenses sometimes, so I needed the reminders in the book. I read the whole thing in about 24 hours!
This is a secular book so there was some language sprinkled throughout as well as talk about sex (usually - but not always - within the context of marriage).
This is a secular book so there was some language sprinkled throughout as well as talk about sex (usually - but not always - within the context of marriage).
April 2, 2019
I’ve always appreciated Dr. Laura’s active style (“let’s pitch the rotten lemons and make something amazing despite our wayward feelings”). She’s not wrong about being active in service toward others (love by action) or because her insights into people’s situations are off-base. Many of her points are good- life is not fair, see the blessings you have received and be thankful, and don’t beat up the people you love because you’re unhappy or disappointed about the past or others they can’t control.
Her system is far better than the selfishness of materialism or the competitive delusion of feminism. But the book misses the mark due to lack of enduring hope outside of life under the sun.
Having said that, she offers coping mechanisms without the understanding that you might do all the right things and people won’t respond with thankfulness and joy. You may allow them to cut in front of you - and they go on their way complaining because you didn’t give them your car.
Better behavior without a real heart change is ultimately quite meaningless. You can’t infuse yourself with new life, or force yourself to have a better life by acting better. If you do all the right things and all your changed behavior doesn’t produce a better environment or marriage or job life, what then?
Life has to be given from outside yourself; it can’t be given to you, by you, for you. Perhaps she’ll be given this wisdom before she leaves the earth.
I still like reading her books though. They include good challenges to make changes and grow today, stop whining today.
Her system is far better than the selfishness of materialism or the competitive delusion of feminism. But the book misses the mark due to lack of enduring hope outside of life under the sun.
Having said that, she offers coping mechanisms without the understanding that you might do all the right things and people won’t respond with thankfulness and joy. You may allow them to cut in front of you - and they go on their way complaining because you didn’t give them your car.
Better behavior without a real heart change is ultimately quite meaningless. You can’t infuse yourself with new life, or force yourself to have a better life by acting better. If you do all the right things and all your changed behavior doesn’t produce a better environment or marriage or job life, what then?
Life has to be given from outside yourself; it can’t be given to you, by you, for you. Perhaps she’ll be given this wisdom before she leaves the earth.
I still like reading her books though. They include good challenges to make changes and grow today, stop whining today.
November 18, 2008
There was a time about a decade ago, I really needed to hear what Dr. Laura said. So I've always liked her, but never read any of her books. But now that I read this, her most recent book, it's all coming across a little too harsh in a way.
I don't like the message that whatever your problem is, you could prevent it, if your behavior was better. But overlooking that, there were a lot of other uplifting messages and stories that could motivate you to eliminate whining in your life.
At the end she talks about brave people who go through trials without complaining, and that the admiration and influence of that example lasts for generations. How many generations is whining remembered?
I would recommend the book if you want to cure yourself from whining, but if your issues are more complex than that, it's not for you.
I don't like the message that whatever your problem is, you could prevent it, if your behavior was better. But overlooking that, there were a lot of other uplifting messages and stories that could motivate you to eliminate whining in your life.
At the end she talks about brave people who go through trials without complaining, and that the admiration and influence of that example lasts for generations. How many generations is whining remembered?
I would recommend the book if you want to cure yourself from whining, but if your issues are more complex than that, it's not for you.
August 11, 2015
amazing as usual dr Laura, how a little step of stop whining can change a whole life and a family, touching stories from listeners of dr laura radio program, and how her advises turned their lives and made them change the perspective and love their husbands till their last breath and be grateful with whatever life might bring on.
January 19, 2018
I was a little underwhelmed with this book. There are a few good points but I didn’t love that she focused so much on women serving men rather than mutual serving each other. Here are my notes:
Stop Whining, Start Living by: Dr Laura Schlesinger
-DO good and then FEEL good.
-We must feel all the feelings, not just the good ones.
-Happiness is a habit, not a circumstance
-Look at life like nothing is a problem, only an opportunity
-Perspective is everything.
-Real life requires a sense of humor and an ability to forgive
-Complaining about a problem and talking about it might be initially therapeutic to get the word out there, later on talking about that same problem over and over actually is the opposite of therapeutic and just gives fuel and energy to that problem and keeps it alive and on your mind. It also wears out your support system and makes them feel like them helping you through it without you fixing it is a failure to them as well.
-You are better than some people and worse than some people, so is everyone else. Don't make everything a competition.
-Closer isn't always possible or even necessary. Sometimes just let go of it.
-Trying to go over something from the past over and over again only fixates you into the past.
-Pooh happens continuously. It is a part of life, for everyone.
-If you can't be the tree that bends then you will break.
-Not everything is worth whining about. Sometimes you need to just leave it be. Use that energy for the stuff in your life that actually matters.
-steps to coping:
1-There is no cure for the reality and magnitude of what has happened to you.
2-Coping will happen in phases: shock, anger, denial, depression, and then hopefully the ability to put thoughts and feelings into perspective to make the best out of what is left.
3-Turn to those that you respect that have been there and done that. If it isn't friends or relatives then support systems groups.
4-Don't push away those blessings that still remain. They will give hope, solace, warmth, meaning, and strength.
5-Never underestimate the power of hugs over words. Whine less and do more.
-Just say no to hurt feelings.
-You have the opportunity to except or deny your own feelings.
-In order to be good enough or worthy enough we need to work on our own quality of character and quality of behavior. Be the kind of woman a person wouldn’t want to leave.
-Ownership of problems. I can choose to be miserable or choose to be happy with what I have. I can 1- suck it up and deal with it. 2-make the problem better and grow from it. 3-or whine about it.
-You are in control of your own reactions and behaviors.
-I can control MY actions and words. No one else’s.
-Use your struggles and your experiences with your struggles to help other people that struggle.
Stop Whining, Start Living by: Dr Laura Schlesinger
-DO good and then FEEL good.
-We must feel all the feelings, not just the good ones.
-Happiness is a habit, not a circumstance
-Look at life like nothing is a problem, only an opportunity
-Perspective is everything.
-Real life requires a sense of humor and an ability to forgive
-Complaining about a problem and talking about it might be initially therapeutic to get the word out there, later on talking about that same problem over and over actually is the opposite of therapeutic and just gives fuel and energy to that problem and keeps it alive and on your mind. It also wears out your support system and makes them feel like them helping you through it without you fixing it is a failure to them as well.
-You are better than some people and worse than some people, so is everyone else. Don't make everything a competition.
-Closer isn't always possible or even necessary. Sometimes just let go of it.
-Trying to go over something from the past over and over again only fixates you into the past.
-Pooh happens continuously. It is a part of life, for everyone.
-If you can't be the tree that bends then you will break.
-Not everything is worth whining about. Sometimes you need to just leave it be. Use that energy for the stuff in your life that actually matters.
-steps to coping:
1-There is no cure for the reality and magnitude of what has happened to you.
2-Coping will happen in phases: shock, anger, denial, depression, and then hopefully the ability to put thoughts and feelings into perspective to make the best out of what is left.
3-Turn to those that you respect that have been there and done that. If it isn't friends or relatives then support systems groups.
4-Don't push away those blessings that still remain. They will give hope, solace, warmth, meaning, and strength.
5-Never underestimate the power of hugs over words. Whine less and do more.
-Just say no to hurt feelings.
-You have the opportunity to except or deny your own feelings.
-In order to be good enough or worthy enough we need to work on our own quality of character and quality of behavior. Be the kind of woman a person wouldn’t want to leave.
-Ownership of problems. I can choose to be miserable or choose to be happy with what I have. I can 1- suck it up and deal with it. 2-make the problem better and grow from it. 3-or whine about it.
-You are in control of your own reactions and behaviors.
-I can control MY actions and words. No one else’s.
-Use your struggles and your experiences with your struggles to help other people that struggle.
August 25, 2017
Evidently, Laura Schlessinger has a popular radio show where she answers questions from callers about their lives and problems. I have never listened to her radio show. I picked up this book out of curiosity and did wind up reading the whole thing.
Positive Comments:
- I agree with Laura that if you make a career out of whining or living in the past it saps your energy and prevents you from moving on and doing other productive things with your life.
- She offers a lot of common sense advice.
Critique:
- I found her congratulating herself on what a wonderful job she does at giving advice - way too much throughout the book.
-I have a problem, in general, with people who give advice after a 5 minute conversation with someone - without knowing the whole complicated story and without actually meeting the person one on one. In my opinion, that often can be dangerous.
Positive Comments:
- I agree with Laura that if you make a career out of whining or living in the past it saps your energy and prevents you from moving on and doing other productive things with your life.
- She offers a lot of common sense advice.
Critique:
- I found her congratulating herself on what a wonderful job she does at giving advice - way too much throughout the book.
-I have a problem, in general, with people who give advice after a 5 minute conversation with someone - without knowing the whole complicated story and without actually meeting the person one on one. In my opinion, that often can be dangerous.
September 21, 2018
While most of the stories and advice seems to be aimed at her target audience of women, much of the book can be applied universally. Changing perspective is hard when you are part of the situation and flooded with your own emotions, but it can be very enlightening to see the effects of your actions on others. She also talks about how having positive conversations, even when you don't feel like it, will actually improve your outlook on life, while whining makes it worse. And which type of conversation would you like to have with someone?
February 16, 2021
This gave me so much to think about! When I have listened to Dr. Laura on her Sirius XM show there are often things I disagree with, but she never fails to make me look inward and think about how I treat others, how I treat myself, or where I am prioritizing my family, time, etc.
This book does the same. I think our culture and my personal upbringing really embrace whining and complaining. Stop Whining helped me to reevaluate what I say, think, and appreciate (or fail to appreciate) around me.
I will definitely listen to this again in few months or so.
This book does the same. I think our culture and my personal upbringing really embrace whining and complaining. Stop Whining helped me to reevaluate what I say, think, and appreciate (or fail to appreciate) around me.
I will definitely listen to this again in few months or so.
May 15, 2018
Stop whining and start living is a stark reminder to view every situation as positively as we can because it can change your outlook on even, what we feel are, the bleakest of situations. Though, most of the book can be summarized in the title and aptly should in some respects because it’s much easier to apply a simple concept than a complex idea.
March 28, 2019
Lots of good stuff in here to remember when your day seems to be going in the negative direction. My favorite quote was the last one.. and I don’t think I have it word for word but you’ll get my understanding hopefully...if the grass seems greener on the other side, start watering your own darn lawn!
April 15, 2019
I have always loved Dr Laura's honesty and her ability to communicate important truths so profoundly without being too wordy. However, all of her books pretty much have the same feel - a bunch of stories relaying how wonderful she is by her listeners/readers, followed by an important truth. It gets a little old, but the overall content is worthwhile.
August 12, 2020
A book written by Karens, for Karens. I mean, the author looks like a Karen. These darn millennials and their whining. Back in my day we asked for the manager and tried to make everyone’s life miserable. This book is one big meme, accept the fact, and my advice is pretend you didn’t write it so people will read your other books.
December 7, 2021
An excellent read at every age!
This hit the target on every level. I am 71 and began reading it to understand myself and attempt to understand my adult children.
The book gave me a roadmap for a much more positive relationship with my daughters. I,too, can now move forward. I feel much lighter! Thank you, Dr Laura, for opening my door!
This hit the target on every level. I am 71 and began reading it to understand myself and attempt to understand my adult children.
The book gave me a roadmap for a much more positive relationship with my daughters. I,too, can now move forward. I feel much lighter! Thank you, Dr Laura, for opening my door!
January 29, 2019
I picked this up from a bookshelf at an Airbnb. Unfortunately, Laura is homophobic, racist and anti-feminist. However, despite these obvious flaws I actually enjoyed her no nonsense message and it is worth a quick read. It is a short book and I read it in a couple of hours.
June 3, 2019
The basic idea of this book is to take responsibility for your actions and for your happiness. I like Dr. Laura even though she is harsh, and this book rang true to me for a lot of reasons. I enjoyed it!
February 9, 2019
3.5 stars love Dr. Laura's no nonsense, give it to you straight approach. Lots of good reminders to change your attitude to that of positivity and to take action to change your life.
February 17, 2020
Touching book that helped me appreciate the sadness in others lives. I have no need to whine. I am so blessed! Take action. Stop the victim mentality and live life fully!
June 14, 2020
Great information for yourself and for dealing with other whiners. Many different examples.
December 26, 2020
Good points
April 23, 2021
Another jewel. Loved the message of this book. Stop whining and start living courageous. A life of purpose is what will create happiness and peace.
May 13, 2022
Better than her other book I read.
November 12, 2023
I have loved every Dr Laura book I’ve read and this was no different. She is entertaining and her message is clear and worthwhile. Glad I read this one during this part of my life!
April 19, 2024
Exceptional book for us complainers! 😂
A huge slap in the face kinda book, if this doesn’t stop your whining nothing will! 🤐
A huge slap in the face kinda book, if this doesn’t stop your whining nothing will! 🤐
March 26, 2025
The book you read when you're in a weird funk but aren't really sure why.
October 14, 2008
What this book teaches: Happiness is a choice; sounds trite, but it's not. It takes grit and spirit to live your life in a positive manner. Terrible things happen to all of us. Whining has a temporary place in life - it can heal us to be able to whine or vent about something; it's when it takes up permanent residence that it is a negative thing.
Instead of whining about all of our needs that aren't being met strive to fill other people's needs. We will find that our own needs are filled up in that way.
Every time I apply Dr. Laura's advice in my life, very positive results ensue. She is very opinionated, but she is real. She insists that you have to work hard and consciously choose to have a happy life. We can't control a lot of what happens in life. We can control how we react to it. It sounds simple, but Dr. Laura uses real life examples from phone calls to her show and letters and emails written to her to drive the points home over and over again. This helps the reader to figure out how to apply the concepts to herself.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"Yes, indeed, just join the human race; better than some, not as good as others, but always striving for the heavens - AND - with an attitude of loving appreciation for the opportunities, not a self-loathing discounting of your potential."
This is in application to a woman who is dying of cancer and chooses to have a quality life with her family instead of undergoing further futile chemo treatments that are very disruptive and painful:
"At these times you can curse the coming darkness or praise the available light. I am always deeply moved by people who embrace the latter. It's all we have actually, those moments of life with those who matter."
"There are no real excuses for not doing the right thing."
"Deciding to make a choice is the decision to become supremely human. Lower animals run largely on instinct. What makes humans so special is the ability to reason and make choices. That's your power. Use it."
An excerpt from a letter to Dr. Laura from a woman who is very overweight due to drowning out her sorrows by emotional eating - her fiance has broken off the relationship as a result:
"I have to regain my health and show this great guy - and he is a good man - that I care enough about my life to be the gift he truly deserves."
Dr. Laura preaches that we can pretend to feel a certain way and that it will almost always turn into our actually feeling that way:
"So even before you have a change of mind or heart - you can behave as though you have a change of mind or heart. Funny thing, it usually makes you feel a change in mind and heart."
"Despair is a cheap excuse for avoiding one's purpose in life. And a sense of purpose is the best way to avoid despair." - Rabbi Menanchem Schneerson as quoted by Dr. Laura
Remember the stories we tell about our grandparents and great grandparents who stood up to adversity and worked hard for what they got:
"In a nutshell, when you spend your time whining, justified or not, you lose time living. Don't make that trade-off. Make the story of your life an inspiration to the generations."
An excerpt of an email/letter to Dr. Laura:
"If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own damn lawn."
AMEN.
Instead of whining about all of our needs that aren't being met strive to fill other people's needs. We will find that our own needs are filled up in that way.
Every time I apply Dr. Laura's advice in my life, very positive results ensue. She is very opinionated, but she is real. She insists that you have to work hard and consciously choose to have a happy life. We can't control a lot of what happens in life. We can control how we react to it. It sounds simple, but Dr. Laura uses real life examples from phone calls to her show and letters and emails written to her to drive the points home over and over again. This helps the reader to figure out how to apply the concepts to herself.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"Yes, indeed, just join the human race; better than some, not as good as others, but always striving for the heavens - AND - with an attitude of loving appreciation for the opportunities, not a self-loathing discounting of your potential."
This is in application to a woman who is dying of cancer and chooses to have a quality life with her family instead of undergoing further futile chemo treatments that are very disruptive and painful:
"At these times you can curse the coming darkness or praise the available light. I am always deeply moved by people who embrace the latter. It's all we have actually, those moments of life with those who matter."
"There are no real excuses for not doing the right thing."
"Deciding to make a choice is the decision to become supremely human. Lower animals run largely on instinct. What makes humans so special is the ability to reason and make choices. That's your power. Use it."
An excerpt from a letter to Dr. Laura from a woman who is very overweight due to drowning out her sorrows by emotional eating - her fiance has broken off the relationship as a result:
"I have to regain my health and show this great guy - and he is a good man - that I care enough about my life to be the gift he truly deserves."
Dr. Laura preaches that we can pretend to feel a certain way and that it will almost always turn into our actually feeling that way:
"So even before you have a change of mind or heart - you can behave as though you have a change of mind or heart. Funny thing, it usually makes you feel a change in mind and heart."
"Despair is a cheap excuse for avoiding one's purpose in life. And a sense of purpose is the best way to avoid despair." - Rabbi Menanchem Schneerson as quoted by Dr. Laura
Remember the stories we tell about our grandparents and great grandparents who stood up to adversity and worked hard for what they got:
"In a nutshell, when you spend your time whining, justified or not, you lose time living. Don't make that trade-off. Make the story of your life an inspiration to the generations."
An excerpt of an email/letter to Dr. Laura:
"If the grass is greener on the other side, water your own damn lawn."
AMEN.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 28, 2008
Overall really liked the book, especially the last 1/3. There were a lot of quotes I wanted to write down, but had to take it back to the library before I was able to. It gave me some good insight into some personal habits I have and helped me see how I would like to be different. I tend to be a whiner and feel sorry for myself, so this was a good reminder to do something different instead of staying in generational patterns that aren't making me or my family happy. This is my first Dr. Laura book that I've read all the way through (own and have started but never gotten into or finished "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" which was a gift from my mom). I don't agree with her on everything and was often surprised by her frankness and somewhat abrasive style (especially since I am a therapist and don't do therapy this way, and am still developing my therapeutic "style"). I also did get sick of the cliches she used, just seemed out of place and silly to me. But despite those few minor annoyances, the book made me think and face some skeletons in my closet, so I'm grateful for the perspective Dr. Laura gives, despite how odd her approach and style often are.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 111 reviews