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This Is How We Grow: A Psychologist's Memoir of Loss, Motherhood & Discovering Self-Worth & Joy, One Season at a Time
What happens when a clinical psychologist and expert on women’s mental health, postpartum depression, grief, and parenting finds her world turned upside down? After her sister and brother-in-law die, Dr. Christina Hibbert inherits her two nephews, delivers her 4th baby, and goes from three to six kids practically overnight. This is How We Grow invites readers into Dr. Hibbert’s upside-down world as she fights to find a little right-side-up. A deeply personal true story blended with psychological insights, This is How We Grow offers an intimate glimpse into the doctor becoming the patient as Dr. Hibbert struggles to put her theories and expertise to the test in an effort to grow a new family and grow herself.
Following four years and four seasons, Dr. Hibbert’s story explores such topics as death and suicide, loss and grief, motherhood, marriage, sisters, family, relationships, spirituality, self-worth, joy, and love. This Is How We Grow demonstrates how hard life can be. Yet it also illustrates how, when we choose to grow, we can and will overcome, become and eventually, flourish.
Following four years and four seasons, Dr. Hibbert’s story explores such topics as death and suicide, loss and grief, motherhood, marriage, sisters, family, relationships, spirituality, self-worth, joy, and love. This Is How We Grow demonstrates how hard life can be. Yet it also illustrates how, when we choose to grow, we can and will overcome, become and eventually, flourish.
440 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 12, 2013
23 people are currently reading
497 people want to read
About the author
Christina G. Hibbert
4 books38 followersI'm a clinical psychologist specializing in women's mental health, parenting, grief/loss, self-esteem/self-worth, and maternal mental health. I have a private practice one day a week and spend the rest of my work time writing and speaking. I'm also write for my popular blog, "The Psychologist, The Mom, & Me" on my website, http://www.drchristinahibbert.com.
I'm a mom of six great kids, ages 6 to 17, which keeps me very busy. I still feel like a stay-at-home mom, since I work only when they are in school or asleep!
In my limited "free" time, I love reading, writing, songwriting and singing, and naps. Oh, and I also love dark chocolate--Ghiradelli 72%.
My first book, This Is How We Grow, shares my family's true story of loss and how we overcame and "chose to grow" through it. Already a bestseller on Amazon, it is a memoir with a self-help feel and demonstrates the power of the human spirit. I am currently working on my next book on the topic of Self-Esteem After a Breakup, for New Harbinger publications.
I'm a mom of six great kids, ages 6 to 17, which keeps me very busy. I still feel like a stay-at-home mom, since I work only when they are in school or asleep!
In my limited "free" time, I love reading, writing, songwriting and singing, and naps. Oh, and I also love dark chocolate--Ghiradelli 72%.
My first book, This Is How We Grow, shares my family's true story of loss and how we overcame and "chose to grow" through it. Already a bestseller on Amazon, it is a memoir with a self-help feel and demonstrates the power of the human spirit. I am currently working on my next book on the topic of Self-Esteem After a Breakup, for New Harbinger publications.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
June 24, 2014
First of all, this was an excellent book. This won't be an in-depth review of the book itself, but I wanted to preface and say that I will first give my (slight) critiques before the praise. I've had the privilege of hearing Dr. Hibbert teach at an intimate church gathering, and that somewhat personal connection led me to her blog, and then this book. Even though I have not experienced a traumatic death of a close family member, I found that was not necessary to relate to or learn from this book.
It took me a couple of chapters to get the flow of this book. Each chapter begins with a lesson, followed by relevant journal entries from the author's actual journals. At first, this set-up seemed a bit awkward to me, and I had a hard time understanding the rhythm and sequencing of the book. However, I soon got past it and was able to even appreciate it towards the end. The second critique I have is not necessarily a critique, but just that at times I did not relate to the author since we are somewhat different in many aspects. I'm sure (100%) that this is unintentional, but I often felt lazy in comparison to Dr. Hibbert and all that she accomplished. I felt very out-of-touch with my own sense of self and my life purpose, which isn't a bad thing because this book is helping me realize where I need to GROW. (Ha?)
And that is why I loved this book. It made me want to improve. I've been inspired to write in my journal again, which hasn't happened in four years. I've been inspired to write in other ways more, and to put an effort into things that make me happy--being creative. I read straight through the kindle edition of this book, but I would love to pickup a hard copy to highlight and refer back to, to actively work on each lesson. I'm inspired to work on growing where I'm at, even if it's not an ideal place to be. There have been a lot of changes in my life lately, and though I'm no psychologist and my "trauma" not so severe, I recognize in myself some of the symptoms and behaviors exhibited in this book. I've realized that I've become someone I don't want to be, and I've also been very self-deprecating. I only wish I had the means to see a therapist, because I feel I could benefit greatly from that (just as many of us could, I'm sure!).
While this review is a bit lengthy and a bit personal, I felt it was the best reflection of what Dr. Hibbert was trying to inspire when she wrote her story.
It took me a couple of chapters to get the flow of this book. Each chapter begins with a lesson, followed by relevant journal entries from the author's actual journals. At first, this set-up seemed a bit awkward to me, and I had a hard time understanding the rhythm and sequencing of the book. However, I soon got past it and was able to even appreciate it towards the end. The second critique I have is not necessarily a critique, but just that at times I did not relate to the author since we are somewhat different in many aspects. I'm sure (100%) that this is unintentional, but I often felt lazy in comparison to Dr. Hibbert and all that she accomplished. I felt very out-of-touch with my own sense of self and my life purpose, which isn't a bad thing because this book is helping me realize where I need to GROW. (Ha?)
And that is why I loved this book. It made me want to improve. I've been inspired to write in my journal again, which hasn't happened in four years. I've been inspired to write in other ways more, and to put an effort into things that make me happy--being creative. I read straight through the kindle edition of this book, but I would love to pickup a hard copy to highlight and refer back to, to actively work on each lesson. I'm inspired to work on growing where I'm at, even if it's not an ideal place to be. There have been a lot of changes in my life lately, and though I'm no psychologist and my "trauma" not so severe, I recognize in myself some of the symptoms and behaviors exhibited in this book. I've realized that I've become someone I don't want to be, and I've also been very self-deprecating. I only wish I had the means to see a therapist, because I feel I could benefit greatly from that (just as many of us could, I'm sure!).
While this review is a bit lengthy and a bit personal, I felt it was the best reflection of what Dr. Hibbert was trying to inspire when she wrote her story.
April 18, 2014
I am naturally a pessimist. My sister is an over the top, glass is overflowing optimist. She is one of those people who fill her FB page with corny quotes and sickly messages of how wonderful life is, whereas I don't even have a FB page.
So it really surprised me how much I loved this book. On the book cover it says 'When life throws you in the mud, plant yourself and grow'. This is the kind of thing that usually I would think 'OK whatever'.
I actually picked this book for two reasons. The first one is that I am about to start studying to become a Psychologist (people and the mind fascinate me). Two because the reviews were really good.
From the first few pages my emotions were stirred, not long after the tears flowed.
This is a remarkable story about a remarkable family. It is extremely sad (the death of her sister leading to her trying to adopt her two nephews). This book really resonates with me. I have previously suffered from depression, lost a loved one in unnatural circumstances and really have been pretty messed up in the past. Like the author i too have my faith to see me through. Sometimes that is not enough, we need to find ourselves. DO what is right for us. I think the author is a Mormon which happens to be a religion that i really admire (I am a Muslim).
I really felt for Christina and her husband for what they were going through. It takes a strong couple to live through so many emotions and obstacles. I pray the children find a way to cope with what happened to their mother, as hard as this may be it seems they couldn't have a better person to help them than Christina. This is an extremely emotional book and the opportunity so see so deeply into another persons psyche is very rare. This is definitely one book I wont be selling on.
So it really surprised me how much I loved this book. On the book cover it says 'When life throws you in the mud, plant yourself and grow'. This is the kind of thing that usually I would think 'OK whatever'.
I actually picked this book for two reasons. The first one is that I am about to start studying to become a Psychologist (people and the mind fascinate me). Two because the reviews were really good.
From the first few pages my emotions were stirred, not long after the tears flowed.
This is a remarkable story about a remarkable family. It is extremely sad (the death of her sister leading to her trying to adopt her two nephews). This book really resonates with me. I have previously suffered from depression, lost a loved one in unnatural circumstances and really have been pretty messed up in the past. Like the author i too have my faith to see me through. Sometimes that is not enough, we need to find ourselves. DO what is right for us. I think the author is a Mormon which happens to be a religion that i really admire (I am a Muslim).
I really felt for Christina and her husband for what they were going through. It takes a strong couple to live through so many emotions and obstacles. I pray the children find a way to cope with what happened to their mother, as hard as this may be it seems they couldn't have a better person to help them than Christina. This is an extremely emotional book and the opportunity so see so deeply into another persons psyche is very rare. This is definitely one book I wont be selling on.
January 24, 2014
What can I say? I lived it. I wrote it. I love it. Hope others learn from my experiences and love it, too. As a psychologist, I recommend it for those facing life challenges and looking for new ideas to help you through--especially for mothers and those experiencing grief/loss or struggles with self-worth. If you're looking for inspiration to help you overcome, become, and flourish, this is the book for you! :)
March 20, 2014
I received a free copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program.
As someone with a M.S. in Counseling Psychology and also as a mother, I was both interested and terrified to read this book. After her brother-in-law and sister die, Christina took her two nephews into her home thus becoming a family of 8 people. As an outsider you might think she is more prepared than the average person in knowing how to deal with loss and the changes that come from adding to your family, but I don't think anyone can be prepared for the changes until they actually happen to you. This is not a drill. This is real life.
Christina shares a very honest and inspiring look at her own life's work with personal anecdotes of the first four years of adjusting to her new circumstances while dealing with the loss of her sister and many other close people in her life. If you are dealing with loss or significant change, this book can help give you ideas on what you could do to grieve and to deal with the new reality.
As someone with a M.S. in Counseling Psychology and also as a mother, I was both interested and terrified to read this book. After her brother-in-law and sister die, Christina took her two nephews into her home thus becoming a family of 8 people. As an outsider you might think she is more prepared than the average person in knowing how to deal with loss and the changes that come from adding to your family, but I don't think anyone can be prepared for the changes until they actually happen to you. This is not a drill. This is real life.
Christina shares a very honest and inspiring look at her own life's work with personal anecdotes of the first four years of adjusting to her new circumstances while dealing with the loss of her sister and many other close people in her life. If you are dealing with loss or significant change, this book can help give you ideas on what you could do to grieve and to deal with the new reality.
November 9, 2018
How We Grow is the story of how a woman from an extensive Morman family and community survived the death of her sister and the adoption of her sister's children. The story is interesting but does not provide straight-forward non-religious guidance for surviving the death of an adult sibling, which was my interest in the book. Dr. Hibbert is admirable, energetic, and also vulnerable. However, she describes her extensive support system and seems to have sufficient wealth to afford counseling, vacations, and childcare, resources which many do not have. I did not find the help I was seeking. Instead I recommend Resilient Grieving by Dr. Lucy Hone who provides an authentic guide for dealing with unexpected loss.
November 27, 2013
I am a huge reader- everything from chic lit to historical novels, and this is by far one of the best books I have ever read. If you have dealt with any of the topics Dr. Hibbert touches on, this book will truly move you. Even if you haven't experienced them, her style of writing is absolutely consuming and heartfelt. Dr. Hibbert gives us a very personal glimpse into her life, her deepest desires, fears and hopes. It is a rare occasion to get the opportunity to see someone's true emotions, much less a psychologist. I cannot recommend this book enough!
January 12, 2014
I appreciated the candor of this memoir of loss, depression, overwhelming change, and growth. Though I found it difficult to relate to the specific challenges of the author at times, there were other times that I connected directly to her daily frustrations. And I learned a lot about growth and overcoming and persistence and patience, and CHOOSING to do these things. A wonderful message, a difficult but touching story. Makes me count my own blessings.
March 25, 2014
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It is moving in a very raw, realistic way. Although our experiences may differ, the feelings the author expresses ring true to anyone who has dealt with loss and grief. It was refreshing to read an honest account of deep emotions. I have recommended this book to many people and will continue to recommend it to others in the future.
January 30, 2014
Well written book (with an unfortunate editor-missed error on pg 1). Be prepared to ache with the author as she experiences death (more than once) and struggles with her own inner demons as she works to turn her blended family into a "normal" family.
November 22, 2013
Very good memoir but exceedingly sad.
December 3, 2013
Definitely a page-turner! Helpful advice was spliced throughout the story. It helped me so much even though I've never experienced the loss of a loved one.
December 5, 2013
I would highly recommend this book to everyone. A true inspirational read.
December 12, 2013
I think this Mormon memoir was very brave and beautiful. I learned a lot from it even if I didn't always relate to the author's struggles.
April 30, 2014
This book was an honest look into the author's struggles as she grieves the loss of her sister and takes on the care of her nephews. I found this to be an interesting and enlightening read.
March 29, 2014
Wow. This book certainly uncovered a lot of emotions. I do feel like I can better identify some of my own needs and tendency for dealing with "situations". Glad I read it, makes me want to be better.
February 24, 2014
Really great book that has a lot of insight on coping with loss. It also is just a great book to learn about dealing with our feelings and troubles. I need to reread again for 3rd time.
April 23, 2014
This book is beautiful! It is honest and raw and heartbreaking but filled with hope. I loved it and would recommend it to all.
July 23, 2017
This one is hard to rate. The emotions and struggles are very open and real and I loved the way she expressed how she was feeling. The complaining about going on vacations around the world (many times) was hard for me (being someone who pretty much never gets to go on vacation and then it's usually just to visit grandmas). Many of her difficulties are self-inflicted as she tries to maintain a facade (and, yes, I also had 6 children all under the age of 9 at one point although my circumstances did not involve great tragedy). I am rating this four stars because 3.5 is not an option and even though this took me a very long time to get through (since I only read a digital copy while I was waiting to pick up kids over a long period of time) I really connected with many of the emotions and feeling she expressed and have great respect for her sharing those feelings in such a true and honest way.
July 10, 2019
This is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy longer than it needs to be. In terms of the title, it's probably 10% about loss, 65% about motherhood, and 25% about discovering self-worth and joy (which often connects to the author's religion). I found it tedious, unrelatable, and unhelpful with my own grief. The book is mostly comprised of mundane diary entries, and around the halfway point, many of those entries are about how the author wants to publish a book. So she published her diary. Yawn. Remind me not to read self-help books by Christian authors anymore. I couldn't finish this one, and that's rare for me.
October 5, 2018
3.5 stars
enlightening, interesting, supportive
enlightening, interesting, supportive
July 2, 2016
I had the privilege of meeting Christina on a retreat in Zion National Park and after hearing a little about her story was so excited to read her book! I also struggle with postpartum depression and had a really hard time getting on medication for this as I felt like I should be strong enough to get through it without medicine. But, I have learned with each child how valuable modern medicine can be and how much it helped me with being a better mother. Christina opens herself up in this book and shares her story of dealing with postpartum, death,motherhood, and loving her 4 children and 2 adopted nephews. There were a lot of quotes I could type in here but I'll put my two favorites:
"That's the best gift we can give anyone-- to help them feel loved. to help them know they are not alone. To connect. How do we connect? We listen. We hear. We respond. We feel. We reach out and ask, "how are you?" and wait for the honest answer. Then, we reach out again. And again. We say, "I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking with you." We look past our discomfort, or we say it out loud, "I don't know what to say or do. I just want to be here for you." We are willing to be in that space of our own discomfort or pain, because we know it's not about us. It's about loving the one we love. As we provide space for the other person's needs, they feel our love more completely. We connect. Strength and healing are in the connection. The next time someone shares their "story", their loss, their pain, we can choose to connect--to stay with them in that space. It doesn't take much. A look, a tear, an embrace. It's being there for one another that heals us. It's being there that bonds and makes us inseparable forevermore."
"At it's core, love is really all about growth--growth of our spirit and mind and heart, growth, both body and soul. Growth is really about love. When hard times come our way, we can go through them or we can choose to grow through them, and when we choose to grow, we do so out of love. When we help others grow, we reach our most loving potential. My favorite definition of love explains what I mean. "I define love thus: the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or another's spiritual growth." As we nurture and love our family, neighbors, world, and self, we grow, together, in love. We need each other."
"That's the best gift we can give anyone-- to help them feel loved. to help them know they are not alone. To connect. How do we connect? We listen. We hear. We respond. We feel. We reach out and ask, "how are you?" and wait for the honest answer. Then, we reach out again. And again. We say, "I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking with you." We look past our discomfort, or we say it out loud, "I don't know what to say or do. I just want to be here for you." We are willing to be in that space of our own discomfort or pain, because we know it's not about us. It's about loving the one we love. As we provide space for the other person's needs, they feel our love more completely. We connect. Strength and healing are in the connection. The next time someone shares their "story", their loss, their pain, we can choose to connect--to stay with them in that space. It doesn't take much. A look, a tear, an embrace. It's being there for one another that heals us. It's being there that bonds and makes us inseparable forevermore."
"At it's core, love is really all about growth--growth of our spirit and mind and heart, growth, both body and soul. Growth is really about love. When hard times come our way, we can go through them or we can choose to grow through them, and when we choose to grow, we do so out of love. When we help others grow, we reach our most loving potential. My favorite definition of love explains what I mean. "I define love thus: the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or another's spiritual growth." As we nurture and love our family, neighbors, world, and self, we grow, together, in love. We need each other."
July 21, 2014
Mine is a mixed review.
Good things:
1- I thought the incorporation of journal entries helped me to feel the day-to-day rollercoaster that is trauma recovery.
2- I found it beneficial to see how knowing about healing isn't the same as actually healing.
3- I thought the author did a good job showing the joy and the struggle.
My criticisms:
1- Not only was the author reluctant to consider and begin medication, she was determined to get off of it as quickly as possible. While I can appreciate this perspective from the author as an individual, I had a hard time accepting that as a psychologist, she was perpetuating the stigma that surrounds taking meds for mental health. I felt she modeled exactly the opposite of what needed to modeled.
2- Along the same lines, her memoir is chock full of frenzied busyness, almost to insane level, while the author repeatedly expresses profound weariness and fatigue. Again, as a psychologist, the author modeled something that may be a detriment to some readers. I kept wondering why she prided herself in doing so many optional things when it appeared to me that the pace at which she was living was hurting her.
3- The author beats herself up a lot and spends an enormous amount of energy trying to be better. Again, as an individual I get this. Coming from a psychologist, it didn't model self-compassion.
So, I guess I am giving it 3 stars because the personal story was interesting, but the self-help angle was counter productive.
Good things:
1- I thought the incorporation of journal entries helped me to feel the day-to-day rollercoaster that is trauma recovery.
2- I found it beneficial to see how knowing about healing isn't the same as actually healing.
3- I thought the author did a good job showing the joy and the struggle.
My criticisms:
1- Not only was the author reluctant to consider and begin medication, she was determined to get off of it as quickly as possible. While I can appreciate this perspective from the author as an individual, I had a hard time accepting that as a psychologist, she was perpetuating the stigma that surrounds taking meds for mental health. I felt she modeled exactly the opposite of what needed to modeled.
2- Along the same lines, her memoir is chock full of frenzied busyness, almost to insane level, while the author repeatedly expresses profound weariness and fatigue. Again, as a psychologist, the author modeled something that may be a detriment to some readers. I kept wondering why she prided herself in doing so many optional things when it appeared to me that the pace at which she was living was hurting her.
3- The author beats herself up a lot and spends an enormous amount of energy trying to be better. Again, as an individual I get this. Coming from a psychologist, it didn't model self-compassion.
So, I guess I am giving it 3 stars because the personal story was interesting, but the self-help angle was counter productive.
January 24, 2014
What can I say? I lived it. I wrote it. I love it. Hope others learn from my experiences and love it, too. As a psychologist, I recommend it for those facing life challenges and looking for new ideas to help you through--especially for mothers and those experiencing grief/loss or struggles with self-worth. If you're looking for inspiration to help you overcome, become, and flourish, this is the book for you! :)
November 13, 2014
There were moments that I really connected with the author and felt like she and I had experienced similar feelings about loss. But there were many times when I could not relate to her emotions or the pressures that she continually heaved upon herself. So that is a 3 star rating for me. I went in and out of like for this book.
November 23, 2014
I appreciated reading about the struggles she faced and ways that she was able to gain perspective. In a way though, I felt like it was reading about how rich people cope with struggles. Most of us can't go on elaborate vacations or similar methods of coping. I did learn some tidbits here and there in the book. She is a great person that accomplishes some amazing things.
July 22, 2014
Encouraging! Highly recommend
October 24, 2014
I've read this book before... Under the title Stereo Instructions. You'll trudge through this one.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews