:’) it always feels a little funny to read something that you read yearrrrrrs ago
i first read this in elementary school, probably when i was a bit younger than jeremy. at the time, i really liked this book because it wrapped up so comfortably. bad things happen and then good things happen. everything goes according to plan.
now, the plot feels a little predictable. it’s a bit too perfect, but i don’t mind. it’s a nice feel-good book, although clearly meant for people much younger than me. when i first read it, i remember finding jeremy’s frustration and outbursts and everything very relatable. now, although i sympathize and get that he’s quite young, i can’t imagine ever acting that way. even when i was younger, i don’t think i would’ve been as immature.
but then as the story progressed, i found myself empathizing more and more with him, as well as his mom. this book brought up some memories of when my grandpa was in the hospital with cancer, like jeremy’s dad :’) that was when i was ~3 years older than jeremy. and even though his behaviour seemed childish at the beginning of the book, it made sense all of a sudden.
loss is such a difficult thing for anyone to deal with. at any age, especially if you’re experiencing it for the first time, it makes sense to flounder and not know what to do. jeremy making lopsided christmas tree ornaments (a tradition for their family) to try to keep things normal for his younger sister and adding stuff to his mom’s christmas stocking and taking the two of them out for hamburgers on a bad day reminded me of myself, a bit. also the fact that his dad and him really liked birds. idk. there are so many ways to process and express grief, not just crying or talking.
i don’t remember those months too well, but i remember my stubborn insistence that my grandpa’s windowsill would have as many origami lilies as i could fit in a small blue bucket i got from dollarama. i remember making the flowers on the bumpy car ride downtown, bringing my laptop to finish my french homework on a chair by the door. i remember insisting that i wasn’t too busy to go see him, even though we visited almost every weekend. (that weekly excursion, stopping by coco before going to the hospital, getting lunch at the same place with giant shrimp dumplings and egg noodles, taking snapchat selfies with my brother, walking around the city - that’s probably a big part of what made me so inexplicably fond of and attached to downtown toronto. bc as long as we were visiting downtown, that meant my grandpa was fine)
i remember feverishly making more and more lilies in the hospital lounge at 2am with my brother dozing off next to me, knowing but not *knowing* that my grandpa had died several hours prior. those flowers that a nurse so kindly put in a plastic bag for me that night have been on display on my shelf ever since. i don’t really make that specific lily anymore. i made so many, eventually i could do it perfectly with my eyes shut. probably still could.
and really, what can anyone do but their best when they find out that someone they love is never coming home? so. even though jeremy seemed rather childish (which makes sense, as he was a child) he was doing what he could.
anyways. all that to say, this is a nice book for children (or anyone) dealing with loss for the first time. it captures the numbness and anguish and general feeling of being lost pretty well. the plot is a tad too neat and perfect for my taste, but a solid book for a younger audience.