The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

by Stephanie Jones

"This is the book that would've saved me nine different therapists, decades of self-analysis, thousands of pounds, twelve different doctors and untold amounts of pain, frustration and trauma - in spending a lifetime looking for the right answers in the wrong places I've become an accidental expert." In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy. Steph confronts the statistics, inadequate practices and ableist therapists head on and poses the questions of how we can make therapy neurodivergence-affirming and how to create safe spaces for autistic individuals. With strategic and practical advice to help recognise the 'red flags' of a dodgy therapist and provide a clear roadmap to finding your confidence and setting the appropriate boundaries with a new therapist, Steph has every question answered. To support therapists striving for inclusivity and a neurodiverse affirming practice, the inclusion of a context guide provides a deconstruction of each therapy session so you can recognise how undiagnosed (or diagnosed) autism may present itself during therapy and how you can start to explore this in the therapeutic space.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Disability, Counselling

255 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 21, 2024

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stephanie is a therapist who is also autistic, although she didn't always know that she was autistic. She has experience of therapy herself and much of it before her diagnosis was counterproductive. She decided that it might be a good idea to write a book for those who are autistic and seeking therapy or have had bad experiences of therapy. For those seeking therapy, there's a section on what to look for, what works well and what doesn't really work. For those who have had bad experiences, she tells you that you aren't alone and it's not your fault.

As a late diagnosed autistic myself who also has been through the therapy system at various stages, this was a helpful book. Where there wasn't as much support is for those who have co-occurring mental health conditions such as personality disorders, bi polar disorder, schizophrenia and such. For those with mild mental health issues, this book is great. I'm not sure how helpful it is for those who are stuck in the system, have experience of being an inpatient and are on medication not out of choice. That's not to say that the book isn't good, it's just that it isn't really an "autism and mental health" book. Please, please, Stephanie, don't see this as a criticism. It's just to let readers know what to expect.

[Hedda · Rating 5 out of 5]

The importance of this book cannot be understated. As it says on the back: "An absolutely crucial resource in a world where autistic people are desperate for effective therapy - a real gem that will change lives." [Samantha Stein]

[Joanne Mango · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a late diagnosed autistic therapist myself I found this book extremely helpful both in relation to my own diagnosis and also as a practitioner. I loved the relational, enquiring approach Steph took to the book, asking questions and and making suggestions rather than positioning herself as 'expert'. I felt this gave lots of room for personal reflection and diversity in autistic people's experience, and also provided a stimulus for further collaborative reflection in what helpful therapy for autistic people may look like.

I found the section on trauma and difficulties with rumination particularly resonates with my own experience and led me to questioning the role and perhaps limitations of therapy, reflecting that I have found myself talking and thinking about the same experience with multiple therapists over the last 15+ years with limited relief. It has also led me to reflect on my work with other autistic clients and the shape this has taken and what may be helpful going forward, particularly around themes of living with injustice. I found suggestions around psychoeducation on harmful motives and behaviours of others a helpful one. I also liked Steph's exploration around different therapeutic approaches, particularly the use of art and also the potentials of EMDR. I have also long thought that therapy itself needs to be more compassionate.

I loved that Steph was so positive and optimistic about autistic strengths and working collaboratively towards creating a more authentic autistic friendly life in which we can thrive. I also think this is something we as a society need to think about more as radical external social change is also needed to thrive.

Personally I would have liked even more critique of a harmful consumerist, aggressively capitalist, unequal and discriminatory society in which so many people struggle to feel valued and basic needs for connection and stable living conditions are unmet, perhaps particularly as a working class person. I am also thinking of the harm perpetuated by a hostile education system within which so many of us struggle and which continues to cause great harm to our young people. It brings to mind the saying that for many of these problems what we need is revolution more than therapy! (And perhaps this is a different book!)

[Kristine · Rating 5 out of 5]

“As a child when I was deeply upset I would often hysterically cry out, ‘No one gets it, I want to go home,’... If only I had the knowledge and language to communicate what I was really trying to say: ‘I recognize that I am different to other people, doing the same things as them is exponentially difficult for me somehow, and I am desperate to be around like-minded others because feeling misunderstood is…soul crushing.”

This was a great book for me to read. I didn't come away with that many specific suggestions. But what the author said resonated so much with my experience that I came away from the book feeling seen (and feeling more acceptable than I've felt in a long time).

Maybe I don't have to work through some deep-seated trauma to figure out why responding to emails is so hard for me, or why I fall to pieces when I lose something (even of I didn't care that much about it in the first place), or why I can have a fantastic time at a party and still come home so exhausted I think I'm going to be sick.

I'm going to struggle with some things that others find trivial. That's fine. My neurodivergence also makes some things come a lot easier to me than they do to other people.

“Accepting myself and working around my quirks” sound a lot easier than “hoping *this* therapist clicks with me even though the last ten didn't.” One of these days, I might find a therapist who specializes in working with late-diagnosed neurodivergent clients. Even better, maybe a little more self-acceptance might mitigate my problems enough that I don't have to.

[Baylee Swank · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book whether you’re an autistic person or you’re a clinician working with autistic people. The author provides great perspective in a clear-cut format. I’d highly recommend!

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt like this book was very validating and made me feel seen. It deconstructs therapy and the myriad of therapeutic models through the lens of neurodiversity and raises so many pertinent questions about how autistic people are viewed through the clinicians eyes. As a community that faces mental health challenges, she is able to speak from the perspective of a neurodivergent therapist who can form a bridge between the two camps. She includes a translation table that challenges the misdiagnoses that many of us face and turns them around to the neurodivergent reality. That form of advocacy is powerful enough in itself.

I think I will be reading this book again (and maybe again after that). It was new for me to feel seen and understood through a therapist’s eyes and I am sure that is the experience of many autistic people. She even dares to ask the question if it is really therapy that we need or a life that is in alignment with our neuro type. She has empowered me to ask for more from a therapist and to take more seriously the things I can for myself to regulate and thrive.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books on Autism and mental health I have read in a long time.

As an Autistic therapist who has also been a client, Stephanie Jones offers insights from both perspectives. She poignantly notes key areas where a therapist can do more harm than good, particularly if they apply neurotypical models and explanations to Autistic clients experiences and behaviours.

Stephanie explores how Autistic preferences, communication differences, or sensory needs can be pathologised or mislabeled within mental health services/therapy, leading to inappropriate and harmful interventions. She advocates for a world where Autistic people can build a life which works for their neurotype, and offers ideas around how therapists can support clients in this goal.

I wish every Autistic person could have access to this book before they enter therapy, or to use alongside this, so they can be equipped with knowledge and skills to mould therapy to their needs, rather than the other way round.

As someone who works as a therapist, I will also be recommending this book to colleagues.

[Christopher Porzenheim · Rating 2 out of 5]

In theory, this is intended as an autistic consumers perspective of various kinds of therapy. In practice, this is a collection of autistic individuals anecdotal experiences reviewing kinds of therapy.

I suppose that means this work achieves its goals, though I found it too meandering for my taste. It seemed to me as if this work had no editor, and overgeneralizes from its limited data set of anecdotes.

[Moon Captain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot stress enough how extremely helpful this book will be if you've struggled in therapy. Especially if you are afab and late to realize you're autistic. It explains how and why therapy modalities didn't work, and reminds you gently that you're not suffering from 10 different mental illnesses, you are just autistic. Really important. This book actually changed my life. Holy shit.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential reading for any therapist

[Lisa Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for ALL therapists, especially those of us who are neurotypical. As a NT therapist, I need to understand how neurodivergent folks are interpreting the therapy they are receiving, if it’s actually helpful and how I may need to adjust my style in order to accommodate them. For a group of folks living in a world not designed to accommodate them, they’ve already been gaslit their whole lives into thinking something is wrong with them. We need to find better ways to affirm ND folks, highlight their strengths and support them in creating lives that can accommodate them. Enough with pathologizing just a different way of thinking and reacting. This book is written by a ND/autistic therapist, and we can learn so much if we will just PAY ATTENTION.

[Ingrid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book! I recommend it to all autistic people and for therapists. I have read many bools about autism, i count this as one of the best! It goes into therapy tips but also into autistic experiences of therapy and autism in general.

I feel very validated by this book as an autistic person who has gone through many of the same difficulties as the author has in therapy. Veronica the therapist is a caricature, but unfortunately i see many of the same things in my previous therapists. I found the end part that correlates her therapy story to autistic traits to be a clever addition.

Maybe this book could have gone deeper in certain aspects, like in specific therapy forms. But the point of this book is accessibility and it is a good, easy read.

[Jessica Hammond · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a clinician, we receive such little information and guidance on neurodiversity during grad school. This book helped me understand neurodiversity in such a different way, and has already had such a big impact on how I work with my clients!

[Jen Kemp · Rating 5 out of 5]

massively important book and I'm grateful to be a neurodivergence informed DBT therapist that has helped many others like myself that are late diagnosed to heal and build their best lives worth living

[Faith · Rating 4 out of 5]

took a long break from this because it was a lot of information to digest, but overall helpful. I don't know what changes it will magically bring to my life but it did give me more insight into why I am the way I am (stuck like this unfortunately).

[Isabella McShea · Rating 5 out of 5]

my life raft while working with this population - eternally grateful for this book and will probs reread every few years!!!!!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is it, the best book on autism i read so far.
incredibly well researched and structured, very helpful on the topic of therapy as an autistic person and easy to understand and follow.

[Cristan✨🪐 · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5⭐️

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

„Before I found out I was autistic I truly believed I was suffering from early onset dementia“ - relatable 😭
Generally loved the book so much :)

[Mia D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It was so enlightening, but also easy to read. I loved the writing and it helped me understand myself better, and gave me a lot of guidance in my search of a therapist. I would 100% recommend !

[Asel Kenova · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.3/5

I’m not sure how to rate this book. As someone who’s on the spectrum and works with neurodivergent clients this doesn’t provide much new info. I can imagine, that this would be a good starting point for neurotypical therapists or neurodivergent folks wanting validation for experiences and what to look for in a therapist. I don’t think “guide” is the most appropriate term, it’s definitely a good starting point though.

A lot of the therapy experiences sound like horror stories. Sometimes it’s hard to follow who is talking in the anecdotes and the book lacks cohesive structure, sometimes veering into personal opinion or tangents. Because the book is so short, it mainly features generalizations and doesn’t get to address diversity and intersectionalities of identities on the spectrum.

[Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

Didn't love this as much as I'd hoped - the style was almost too accessible, I think I wanted something a little more serious - but that feels like criticising what the book wasn't rather than enjoying what it was, and I'm certainly grateful it exists. I particularly liked the parts where specific therapeutic concepts/modalities were broken down and looked at as they relate to an autistic experience - as a therapist and an autist I would have liked more of that, because there was certainly nothing like it in my training!

[Sam Peeters · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stephanie Jones’s The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy tackles an important and underexplored topic: the challenges autistic individuals face in traditional therapy. Written by a late-diagnosed autistic therapist, the book combines personal anecdotes with professional insights, aiming to offer practical advice to autistic individuals and guidance to therapists working with neurodivergent clients. While the book has many strengths, it doesn’t entirely deliver on its promise as a comprehensive guide.

The strongest aspect of the book is its validation of autistic experiences. Jones dismantles harmful myths about autism and challenges the pervasive stigma that often frames autism as something to "fix." Her discussion of masking—concealing autistic traits to meet societal expectations—is particularly poignant, highlighting the psychological toll it takes and its connection to trauma. This message of self-acceptance is crucial and will resonate with many readers.

The book’s critique of traditional therapy models is also a standout feature. Jones points out how conventional approaches, like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), often fail autistic clients by pathologizing their traits or forcing them to conform to neurotypical norms. Her exploration of alternative approaches, including dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and creative therapies, provides helpful suggestions for both clients and therapists.

However, while the book’s insights are valuable, its execution is uneven. The anecdotes, though relatable, can feel repetitive, and the book occasionally veers off into less structured territory, making it feel more like a collection of thoughts than a cohesive guide. Readers looking for a deep dive into therapeutic techniques or a rigorous exploration of autism in therapy may find the book lacking in depth and scientific grounding.

Additionally, the book’s focus on late-diagnosed autistic individuals with lower support needs limits its applicability. While Jones acknowledges the diversity within the autistic community, the book doesn’t fully address the needs of those with higher support requirements or intersecting identities, such as race, gender, or socioeconomic status. This narrow focus may leave some readers feeling excluded from the conversation.

Despite these critiques, the book does succeed in offering practical advice for navigating therapy. Jones’s tips for recognizing red flags in therapists, setting boundaries, and advocating for oneself are empowering, even if they lean toward the basic. Her likening of finding a therapist to dating—emphasizing the importance of the relationship—provides a useful framework for readers new to therapy.

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy ultimately feels more like a starting point than a comprehensive resource. While it shines in its critique of ableist practices and its validation of autistic experiences, it misses opportunities to delve deeper into systemic issues and therapeutic strategies.

This book offers valuable insights and relatable anecdotes but falls short of being the definitive guide it aims to be. It’s a worthwhile read for late-diagnosed autistic individuals and therapists seeking a basic introduction to the topic, but those looking for deeper exploration or broader applicability may find it somewhat lacking.

This review appeared before in a slightly shorter and Dutch version on the Belgian autismblog Tistje.com

[Julie]

I enjoyed this book. The author is both a therapist and a late-diagnosed autistic woman, and comes at the topic from that perspective. Jones discusses how traditional therapeutic approaches are designed for neurotypical people and might not work – and indeed might be harmful or traumatic – for autistic people. Throughout the book there are also anecdotes and tips from her community and from other autistic mental health professionals. I think this is a really important read both for therapists generally and for autistic people who might be interested in therapy. That said, I also feel like the book is directed primarily at a particular type of autistic person: people with relatively low support needs, who are late-diagnosed or undiagnosed, or who may have been diagnosed with other conditions (anxiety, PTSD or C-PTSD, depression, BPD, etc.) but find treatments for those conditions aren’t working for them. This is a book for someone who might struggle to hold a job, maintain friendships, or wonder why they’re “weird,” not for a very high support needs person who’s been diagnosed since childhood. That said, if you ARE the particular type of autistic person the book is targeted at (or if you are a therapist who doesn’t know a lot about autism), this is a helpful guide, and I’d recommend it.

[Kony · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to via Spotify. An engaging and affirming resource for late diagnosed autistics (and their potential therapists) trying to chart a path to wholeness through a field dominated by “medical model” based stereotypes of autism.

Appreciated the insight that sometimes, the primary cause of a person’s distress is not “maladjustment” due to some obscure trauma, but rather a simple mismatch between their sensory-cognitive needs and the environment. (Although, of course, both types of causes can co-exist and interact with each other.)

Also appreciated the chapter on various therapeutic modalities and their possible benefits and pitfalls from a neurodivergent perspective. The (mis)use of psychodynamic theory to impose pathologizing narratives on people’s behavior is a real thing. So is the (mis)application of CBT to invalidate neurodivergent experiences of a world not designed for sensitive, monotropic brains and nervous systems. DBT and ACT are among the approaches recommended by the author, which aligns with my own research and intuition regarding what “works.”

All told, this book is a definitely a good starting point as a resource, although i’d hope that therapists looking to educate themselves wouldn’t stop here.

[Davis Evanoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting enough, my current therapist recommended this book to me! Though I’ve read only a few books that are first person narrative in relation to autism, I’ve always been astounded by the quality of the work in that realm. This book is certainly no exception to that thought! Stephanie does a delightful job guiding through the difficulty and benefit of the autism spectrum in correlation to therapy.

Taking in this book as someone on the spectrum myself, this is full of great perspective and information. Work from other authors on the spectrum that I’ve read touches on the discrepancies of the autism spectrum in the medical field briefly, but this book has a lot of specifics and referenced research. This made the testimonies much more real and accessible to me as the reader.

The very facts behind what the book discusses is distressing as someone on the spectrum. With that though, I am very fortunate that Stephanie has decided to take it upon herself as a therapist to discuss the dilemma that we face as individuals on the spectrum in therapy. Very grateful for this book, and one that I will certainly return to.

[Amir Aharoni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tried reading some books and articles about psychology and psychotherapy and I hated all of them. This is the first one that I loved. The first book on these topics that I tried reading and that made sense and wasn't a bunch of completely useless mumbo jumbo full of fallacies. It's validating. It's lively. Even though it's mostly based on the experience of a specific person, it presents it in a way that can be usefully generalized and applied. In this regard, it is different from all the other psychology books I've read, which gave examples of people that were perhaps valid for them, but are definitely completely irrelevant to me. It also frequently quotes other opinions, which are sometimes contradicting, but that's okay, because this is not an entirely exact science, and different perspectives help to make smarter decisions. Also, before reading this book, I could not even understand what is therapy for and how it can work. I didn't believe in therapy at all. This problem is addressed in the book just perfectly, and my perspective about it is now significantly different. I'm so happy I read this. I feel that this is going to be life-changing.

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is excellent. The author provides an intimate look at living as an undiagnosed autistic woman trying to improve her life through therapy. She also provides the perspective of what autistic individuals experience in neurotypical therapy, which is usually harmful to them. I really appreciated the case examples and input provided throughout the book by autistic individuals, many of them mental health professionals themselves. I will definitely be integrating much of what I learned in this book into my own therapy work with my neurodivergent clients. This would also be a very helpful guide, as the title obviously states, for autistic individuals as they try to find the help that will be most helpful to them.

[Nabi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was surprisingly very validating! I have had bad experiences with therapists in the past, with all of them stating that they don't believe I have autism or other invalidating statements such as: "Everybody has a little autism." I was inspired to start my search for a therapist again, after taking a long break from therapy due to trauma and the aforementioned experiences. I'm excited to look for somebody that might understand the autistic experience, rather than shame me for having a "victim complex."

[Grace Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an autistic who’d spent over three decades, off and on, in therapy, this book was enormously validating. I’m recommending it to all my autistic friends (and parents of autistic teens) who are thinking about therapy. This book has great advice for how to approach the process and identify red flags in potential therapists. In addition, the brief rundown of therapy types is also quite useful.