Love & War: Twenty Years, Three Presidents, Two Daughters and One Louisiana Home

by Mary Matalin, James Carville

For twenty years, James Carville and Mary Matalin have held the mantle of the nation’s most politically opposed, ideologically mismatched, and intensely opinionated couple. In this follow-up to their groundbreaking All’s Fair: Love, War, and Running for President, Carville and Matalin take a look at how they—and America—have changed in the last two decades. If nothing else, this new collaboration proves that after twenty years of marriage they can still manage to agree on a few things.

Love & War traces, in their two distinct voices, James and Mary’s story from the end of the 1992 presidential campaign—where he managed Bill Clinton’s electoral triumph while she suffered defeat as George H. W. Bush’s key strategist—till now. Mary focuses on issues of family, faith, and foreign enemies and offers insights from her kitchen table as well as the White House Cabinet Room, while James’s concentration is politics and love—the triumphant and troubled Clinton era, George W. Bush’s complicated presidency, the election of Barack Obama, the rise of the corrosive partisanship that dominates political life in Washington today, and the overriding abiding romance he holds for his native Louisiana and his wife and children. Together, the Carville-Matalins reflect on raising two daughters in the pressure cooker of the nation’s capital, and their momentous 2008 decision to leave D.C. and move their family to New Orleans. Post-Katrina, James and Mary’s efforts to rebuild and promote that city have become a central part of their lives—and a poignant metaphor for moving the nation forward.

A fascinating look at the last two decades in American politics and an intimate, quick-witted primer on grown-up relationships and values, Love & War provides unprecedented insight into one of our nation’s most intriguing and powerful couples. With their natural charm and sharp intelligence, Carville and Matalin have written undoubtedly the most spirited memoir of the year.

Genres: Nonfiction, Politics, Memoir, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Adult

337 pages, Hardcover

First published January 7, 2014

About the author

Mary Joe Matalin is an American political strategist and consultant. She is known for her work with the Republican Party. She was an assistant to President George W. Bush and counselor to Vice President Dick Cheney until 2003. In April 2004, she published the book Letters to My Daughters. In March 2005, Matalin was chosen to run a new conservative publishing imprint at Simon & Schuster. She is married to Democratic political consultant James Carville.

Reviews

[Bevan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books that I've ever read, regardless of genre. Matalin and Carville are such good communicators, story tellers, and their frank exposure of their most extreme beliefs (which they BOTH have, and BOTH are open about) is refreshing.

I've seen many reviews on here, people who rate the book lowly because they disagree with either Matalin's or Carville's political beliefs -- one review even said that they stopped reading less than a chapter in because of a one-sentence statement that Matalin made about the country's current administration. To these people, I offer my condolences. Somehow, you have been robbed of the ability to be abstractly intelligent and soak in other people's thoughts and beliefs without feeling attacked yourself, and I find that very sad. In fact, the whole purpose of these book was to combat that notion: that somehow, a person's deeply rooted (and usually identity giving) opinions that are in opposition to your own make it impossible to love or tolerate that person.

I disagree with much of Matalin's politics. I disagree with much of Carville's politics. But I loved how open and honest they were. After reading this book, I felt I knew them better as people. The book acknowledged their identities as (R) and (D), but focused more heavily on their identities as ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS whose lives are more than just what they do for a living.

Excellently and intelligently written, funny at times, heart-breaking at times, and a representation of what relationships and marriages should truly be about: Commitment through good and bad.

[Alexw · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not near as much political insights as I was hoping for and the majority was about New Orleans and their marriage with one chapter about their sex life(which was a short chapter-double entendre there).Was interesting that Mary was 40 and broke before she married James.
James insists that Gore beat Bush in the election (sound familiar?) Mary praises Cheney for his intellect.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to this one on audiobook, and think that I probably enjoyed it more that way- the authors each read their own chapters- Matalin writes more than Carville, and you can hear Carville's impatience at reading his own words sometimes, but that's ok, because his wife is the better reader, and the better writer, even if her political ideas are not my cup of tea. The book is a sweeping memoir of their time together while working in politics and being married, each in firmly different camps of the political spectrum, and, especially in today's hyperpartisan political world, as someone who is also married to someone who doesn't share my political outlook, I found the book comforting and incredibly relatable. It was easy to see my marriage within the context of theirs, but thankfully, though both of us HAVE worked in politics (me on the left, him on the right), we've never actually been working in them at the same time- I felt the strain that that cost the authors, especially when they talked about long periods of late hours and not speaking during particularly tumultuous times. Ultimately, though, these two love each other, and in spite of their differences, respect each other-- and I think that is really the key that is missing in a lot of today's political discourse- the belief that even if someone has come to vastly different conclusions that you when it comes to politics, that they came to those conclusions in good faith, with a true belief that they think their conclusions are helpful. When we become so cloistered in partisanship, it become easy to villify folks on the other side, but (and this book was written pre-Trump, which I know adds a layer today that didn't necessarily exist in 2014 when this book was published) people aren't all bad or all good, and intentions matter, people's hearts matter, families matter. And these two get that in a way that not many folks I know in real life do. So while I didn't love listening to defenses of the Bush administrations, I did find it reassuring to listen to someone who saw political leaders as human beings who loved their country, no matter which party. I hope one day, our nation is able to return to that. Four stars.

[Christine Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never understood how these two could be married. I wouldn't even date a republican much less marry one. Republicanism and cannibalism are deal breakers for me. But I digress, this book is insightful, funny and informative. I thought I would be able to say, some of Mary's political beliefs make me want to gag (if not worse) but some of James' do also. Wrong he says nothing wrong and she is a republican, nuff said. At least I found their relationship more believable when I learned they barely spoke between the 2000 election until the supreme court elected GWB. Politics aside Mary is funny as is James. Raising Children, critters, and moving to NOLA (New Orleans to those not up on their acronyms, take note of them, it only took me half the book to figure out what it meant) DUH! is what makes this book interesting. Ok, politics, too. They truly seem to be able to manage to keep it sane for their kids, it might be interesting to see the girls write a book on the subject.

[Rick McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book at the LBJ Library and had it signed. Mary and James were at a table, pens in hand, and no one in line. The moment was right and luckily I done in and grabbed a terrific read. The authors go back and forth and apply their wit, humor and smarts on a variety of topics. Their honesty and transparency shines through as they discuss emotional topics and toss a few political barbs over the transom. My sole criticism is for James. He scratched a signature that looks like a humped back whale, while Mary was fluid and kind with her words. James, you owe me a new one! Well done book.

[Maida · Rating 1 out of 5]

I stopped reading as soon as Matalin used the phrase 'Obama's economy.' Is she really that ignorant? Or has she chosen to conveniently forget all the horribly awry choices her bosses made? Sub-prime mortgages were perpetrated largely by money hungry republicans. I didn't care for her before. If possible, I care for her even less now.

[Julia Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wrote an entire review and then accidentally deleted it… so here’s the gist: this was an interesting glimpse into the married lives of two prominent politicos from across the aisle. I’m not sure I am any closer to understanding their relationship, but the story was entertaining.

Some qualms: I would have liked to hear from James Carville more and not just because I align with him politically. At times this book felt like the Mary Matalin show. Even when she wasn’t spewing random conservative talking points, I found her story telling to be somewhat contrived. To be clear, James story telling wasn’t much better, but I would have at least liked a more equal account of their live events.

Some positives: I loved hearing some of the behind the scenes stories from major events in the 2000s and 2010s. I also particularly liked reading about New Orleans. If I gained nothing else from this book, I’m happy to have walked away with a deeper respect and appreciation for that city.

[Callie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started paying attention to politics in the early nineties when I was in high school and my dad began listening to Rush Limbaugh. And I noticed when these two (Matalin and Carville) got married. I've been vaguely curious about what their marriage must be like ever since, so when I noticed this book on the new non fiction shelf at the library I had to pick it up. It's an easy, guilty pleasure kind of read. If you're not interested in politics I don't think you'll be drawn to it, but if you are, then you're going to go back and forth between nodding your head in agreement and grinding your teeth in frustration, depending on which side of the political fence you're on.

I'll be up front and say that Matalin had me grinding my teeth. I appreciate the fact that she's more of a writer than Carville and she tries to paint a picture with her words, but some of her portions just . . .chagrin. She gushes, GUSHES about Dick Cheney. Ugggh. She adores Rush and Sarah Palin. Are you kidding me? She also deeply admires Bush senior, which I'm okay with. I really hated the section where she described her 9/11 experience. She goes on and on about what she was wearing that day and how she had these really high heels on and how she was with Cheney in the undisclosed location, wherever, I couldn't even stand to read it, after a while I had to skim. It made me sick, the way she seemed to relish the fact that she was at the heart of the action. It felt very disrespectful to me when so many people lost their lives that day. She seems like a ME monster a lot during this book, in fact.

And then, for Carville, I had always thought he was kind of a screwy person, just eccentric, and off, but I came away from this book liking him better. I mean he's looking outward at the world and people in it, and Matalin seems to be at the center of her world. So, it wasn't just that Matalin's politics bothered me, her personality irked me as well. Carville, I could relate to. I wanted more Carville and less Matalin. Unfortunately, his bits are small and hers go on and on.

Here are some insights he had that I agree with:

in reference to the Iraq war: "Most times, people do something because they actually think it's going to work out. Most times, they are not evil people trying to undermine America. Most times, there's not some underlying conspiracy or motive. In Iraq, it's true that there was war profiteering. It's true that there was a lot of oil there, which made it a strategically important place. But that doesn't mean those are the actual reasons we decided to go to war. We went to war because people in power actually believed it was a good idea. They were dead-ass wrong, but I don't doubt that they believed it. . .There's a great tendency to overestimate conspiracies and underestimate stupidity. Iraq is a perfect case study of that.
And by the way, stupidity is a really good reason to vote somebody out of office. If you're massively wrong about a massively big thing, it really doesn't matter much that your motives were pure and that it fit with your political philosophy. That all might be true. But you blew it, partner. Time to go. That's what the American people should have said to Bush after his first term."

A difference between conservatives (in general) and liberals (in general): "If I bragged to one of my liberal friends that I'd never listened to Rush Limbaugh or watched Fox News, or that I never read the Wall Street Journal editorial page, that would not be cool. The first question would be "Aren't you curious to see what they're saying over there?" Similarly, if you were at a liberal or progressive party and someone said something like that, the natural response would be "What are you afraid of?" I'll argue with certainty that liberals tend to read way more conservative literature than conservatives will ever read of liberal literature.
They view it as some sort of weakness to be exposed to another viewpoint, like you're going to be corrupted if you have to listen to other people's views. I do have a theory on this. I believe conservatives view their principles as the "Truth." There is a truth. They've figured it out. And it can't be diluted or questioned or compromised. But their "truth" so often turns out to be false.
Liberals are much more nuanced than that, sometimes painfully so. We can see six sides to the Pentagon. But that's preferable to being so dogmatic that you wear blinders. Like John Maynard Keynes said, "When the facts change, I change my mind."

On growing up in a small town and being part of a big family: "When you grow up rural, and your daddy runs the local country store, and you got all your brothers and sisters to play with, and you come from a big family with tons of aunts and uncles and cousins--there's not a lot to reject you out there. There's no doubt about who you're going to spend your free time with because you're surrounded by family. . . There was something to be said for having basically everything and everyone you knew exist in a twenty-mile radius. I loved my world as it existed, and I didn't know what I didn't know. Huck Finn was always running away, floating down the Mississippi trying to find freedom. I lived right here on the banks of the river and felt as free as any boy ever has."

[Laura Skladzinski · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me as an interesting read to see politics from both sides. Unfortunately, I didn't love it - the concept of pitting Matalin and Carville against each other seemed hackneyed and sensationalistic. There were some interesting inside looks at various political events, and I particularly enjoyed learning more about what it was like to work in the White House on 9/11, but overall I was kind of bored.

[Mickey Knipp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary's part is 5 stars (75% of the book) and James is a 2 star so it averages out to a 4 Star book.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mary Matalin and James Carville, political strategists, one GOP the other a democrat met during the 1992 presidential campaign while working on opposite sides. They have been married for twenty years and have two children. I thought the book might be interesting to see how opposite keep it together. The book starts with their move to New Orleans in 2009 with Mary telling about her house hunting and finding a beautiful 1906 mansion. The book is written in two alternating and distinctive voices, they narrated the audio book and this was perfect for the way the book was written. They both covered their political work and their personal life with their children. I found the story Mary tells about September 11, 2001 in the White House with Chaney and Rice interesting, as well as the problems they had with the old cold war shelter that was poorly maintained and never used until that day. Carville is a Louisiana native and after Katrina he wanted to go back and help the city rebuild. He obtained a teaching position at Tulane University and he and Mary became big promoter of the city. The humor makes the book a fun read.

[Mlg · Rating 4 out of 5]

With all the enmity surrounding the election, I thought this book might be a nice palate cleanser.
James Carville, Democrat strategist and honcho of Bill Clinton's campaign, married Mary Matalyn, Republican strategist and lover of Poppy Bush, Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin. Certainly if these two could find happiness, there was hope for this country.
The book is entertaining and insightful, going back and forth between husband and wife, and covers the last 20 or so years in politics, their observations about life in Washington DC, and their
move to New Orleans as the city began to rebuild after Katrina.
Carville (aka Old Serpenthead) is as delightful as he is on television. He strikes me as a guy who really understands the electorate and what it takes to win and compromise. I liked Matalyn better than when I used to mute her anytime she came on tv. She is an animal lover and kindred spirit in that sense and a very funny lady. Her attempts to whitewash Cheney's legacy, however, aren't going to convince anyone that despite his bluster, Cheney knew what he was doing. And as for George Bush, she doesn't say much. Probably a good thing.

[Karen West · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up because I love James Carville, and I have enjoyed Mary and James battling on, yes, MSNBC and CNN. I found Mary's defense of the Republican machine and the "fair and unbiased reporting" of FOX news a bit hard to take. But the information regarding the elections and working in the White House was quite informative. Mary's criticism of the liberals and the liberal media was hard to stomach, and I agreed much more with James Carville and his comments, but it may be because of my liberal leanings. I did almost put the book down at some points because it made me so angry. But I do admire Mary's devotion to her cause and her strong allegiance to her "people." And I love the love story. Two very high energy, opinionated people who have made it work in a very difficult fishbowl. I also love their devotion to New Orleans and its rejuvenation after Hurricane Katrina.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

James Carville and Mary Matalin were career political advisers when they met and fell in love. It was almost a Romeo and Juliet thing because they come from opposite sides of the aisle. She's a hard core Republican and he's a tried and true Democrat. They are both great story tellers.

Why I started this book: I picked this book up when it came into my library, because I had just visited New Orleans and the title caught my eye. After reading the back blurb I was interested.

Why I finished this book: Fascinating and such an antidote to all the "irreconcilable differences" divorce cases that you hear about. Plus, this was a fun book about working in politics, serving at the White House and returning to New Orleans.

[Tom Turbiville · Rating 2 out of 5]

My fault -- I thought this book would be something more cerebral than self-serving. We get it that you're political opposites and married but why does that warrant a book of any interest. Turns out it didn't.
Kudos for a moving description of their heartbreak at the death of Tim Russert, but Mary's seemingly never-ending description of what she wore to work the morning of 9/11 was as offending as using this event to try out some humor on the reader.
It was obvious James didn't want to write this book and was bored by it.

[Susan Springer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent audio read by both Carville and Matlin describing their marriage, their politics, and the
important historical events they experienced first hand. Fascinating details of the aftermath of
9/11.

[Rose Marinelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed the dynamics of their careers, political points of view, marriage and family! Loved reading about their move to New Orleans!!

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

good read if you enjoy their story and have followed their politics. I started following their dynamic relationship after viewing the War Room with James and George Stephanapoulas.

[Jenna M · Rating 4 out of 5]

A spirited and real dual bio about two fascinating and inspiring people and their complicated lives.

[Ruth Glen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great audio, they read it.

[Connie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mary and James are very conversational by nature, and I sincerely believe that if I were in a room with them, we would have some very entertaining and meaningful dialogue.

This book, however, is not something I prefer. First of all, I am not into politics (why did I read this book, again?) and I have a strong passion against name-dropping and showing off. I can relate more to memoirs (if that's what this truly is) where the writers are more humble and gain humility throughout. I was hoping there would be more relatable moments to my own life situations in this book. There weren't. I honestly couldn't relate to either writer. Their digressions of political stories and elongated opinions regarding who they supported didn't sway me in any way (which I know was not their intent, anyway). The only honest-to-goodness theme that I took from this book was that we all go through rough times, we all believe what we are doing when we go through tough times is the best way to react, and despite everything we can still be civil to one another. It just took a lot of extra stuff to dig out that theme.

Overall, I'm glad I read it. I hope others do as well.

[Lara Lillibridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this book for background on something I was writing that then went in a different direction, but I liked the book enough to keep reading. It is the memoir (for those who don't recognize the names) of a husband and wife, one democrat, one republican who actually love each other and manage to peacefully coexist. The narration switches back and forth between Matalin and Carville, though Matalin writes the majority of the book.

One unexpected take away for me was that this book is about not giving up on a marriage—that divorce is not an option, so they had to find ways back to each other. It breaks the assumption that we can only like people we agree with on everything.

[Polina Blintsovskaya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading Mary and James' book and their perspectives on marriage, parenthood, and politics. Their narrating voices came across to me as down-to-earth and not pretentious, and easy-to-follow and thankfully not overblown or long-winded. They were refreshingly matter-of-fact and upfront about their belief systems and what they stand for, they pursue their passions with gusto, and they pepper their chapters with humorous anecdotes. The reason I am giving this book four stars instead of five is that I did not get any fascinating revelations or knowledge about politics, but then realistically, Mary and James probably cannot reveal certain things due to confidentiality and security reasons.

[Leah Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! To be honest, listening gave me PTSD because James Carvilles reads his own writing. Even if I had read it instead of the audible, his voice would have been in my head. My papa used to love him and therefore I would have to endure his obnoxiously bs rants on CNN. I find myself yelling at the TV anytime he's on it just like my papa would yell at any Republican on the screen. That said, this book is such a great lesson on coming together and loving those you disagree adamantly with. It's a real life lesson of getting along with your political enemies. And truly they are married political enemies. As much as I can't stand the politics of Carville, it made me not despise him as a person. It was overall a fun book with a good lesson.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

My last book review (Alex & Eliza) discussed one of America's first political love stories. Love and War is the story of one of today's high profile political unions. Many in Washington spouted their union to be a stunt, but 20 years later they have proven love conquers all, even party lines. Mary is a smart and intellectual writer who loves her animals and her daughters. James is a rabid LSU fan who loves all things Southern and holds nothing back when sharing his views. If you lean left or right, this book is for you. If you love New Orleans, this book is for you. If you love animals or LSU Football (😣) this book is for you. #LoveAndWar #NOLA #CarvilleAndMatalin

[Arno Hartholt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read I picked up in a cabin, finishing most of it in front of the fireplace. It’s remarkable to see the inside of a marriage between such prolific Democratic vs Republican strategists, but they sure make it work. Family, friends, work and rebuilding New Orleans are the major themes here, and there are a lot of interesting insights, regardless of your political leanings. Mary provides the bulk of the text, which at times can get lost into her love for animals, while James’ random insertions come across as almost disinterested. But on the whole, it’s an enjoyable read.

[Keisha Hoerrner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had the great pleasure of hearing this couple speak during their first book tour in the 1990s and found them to be hilarious. This book continues to make you laugh and cry (depending on the strength of your political beliefs). Kudos to them for building a marriage that has lasted more than 20 years. I may not understand it, but I can cheer for love overcoming the strife that must come from living with someone who sees every important issue differently than you see it. I guess they are happy to cancel each other's votes every two years. I am happy they chose to write another book together.

[Shari Schlosser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible read

I enjoyed this book so much. Reading the way each of them thought and felt was so interesting. I met Mary many years ago when she came to North Dakota for a republican function in Medora North Dakota. My husband picked her up at the airport and she freshened up at our home. She was a delightful and very interesting person. I too wondered how they got together but they really had a great relationship and it was so interesting to see. I enjoyed every moment and the pictures at the end were delightful. Thank you for sharing Mary and James.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be delightfully readable. I expected it to be more political than it was, however, I was not disappointed by the insights into Washington politics, process, and relationships. What I really enjoyed, though his narratives were shorter, were the James Carville insights on leadership, Catholicism, and community. If Mary and James were my neighbors, I expect I would hang out with Mary and engage in a fair number of fun sparring matches with James.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I dare you to read this book and not hear their voices saying the words...especially James Carville.

I really enjoyed this book. It was a little bit about politics, a little bit about the struggles of married life and a love letter to New Orleans. They didn’t appear to pull many punches when telling their story. It was refreshing!

I liked this book so much that it spurred my interest in reading their other books.