The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden

by The Onion

The Onion is proud to present The President of Vice: The Autobiography of Joe Biden. In this scandalous memoir, America's favorite politician discusses his early years, before he became ultimate wingman to the leader of the free world. For the first time ever “Diamond” Joe discusses the formative experiences of his life, including his childhood selling hooch in Scranton, his years cruising college campuses picking up co-eds in a Del Rio, the grade-A tang he plowed in the summer of '87, and his "sweet ass gig" as Senator of Delaware.

Speaking of his own work, Vice President Biden says, "Amigo, you're just one click away from buying Uncle Joe's tell all autobiography. My sweetest guitar riffs, bustiest lays, wildest benders, and sexiest appropriation bills, it's all in there. You'll not only hear about me and my buddy Barack, but I guarantee you'll pick up some tricks that'll serve you well in the sack. Plus, I'm deep in the hole right now and really need the scratch."

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Politics, Ebooks, Comedy

106 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 17, 2013

About the author

The satirical newspaper The Onion was founded in 1988 at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Originally a weekly humor print publication targeting a local student population, The Onion is today a booming news organization known as America’s Finest News Source.

The launch of TheOnion.com in 1996 expanded its signature brand of satire to a national and international audience. Online expansion opened doors to growth in a multitude of areas. The company has become an omnipotent news empire, reaching millions of fans through print, broadcast, radio, mobile apps, books, and, in January 2011, two new television shows on the Independent Film Channel and Comedy Central. The website continues to be the nucleus of all The Onion does, described by TIME magazine as “the funniest site on the Internet.”

TheOnion.com now averages 40 million page views and roughly 7.5 million unique visitors per month. The Onion’s digital strategy has resulted in an enormous and dedicated fan base. The newspaper’s content is delivered constantly, Tweeted at optimum times and posted on Facebook during high-traffic periods. Subsequently, users can easily embed, share, or post articles and videos to their personal Facebook and Twitter accounts. As a result, the Onion’s fans take an active role in the viral nature of the content. Within minutes of posting an article or video, the content materializes across a number of platforms.

Reviews

[Brent]

To put it simply, this is the best memoir to come out of the White House since Ulysses S. Grant penned his account of the Civil War as he lay dying of throat cancer. Just as President Grant wrote his autobiography under financial duress, Diamond Joe too completed his masterwork over several hours the day his publisher required his manuscript lest a pair of unscrupulous bookies named Taz and Jorge harm him--or worse--his beloved '81 Trans Am. In this book, Biden details how he went from Joey Scranton, slinging whiskey to kids in a tough Pennsylvania town, to his current life as "the ultimate wingman." Along the way, we are treated to his accounts of sleeping his way through America and Mexico, his friendships with Blaze, a semiliterate ne'er-do-well, a liberated elephant he affectionately dubbed Dongnose, and a host of other fascinating characters, recipes for such mixed drinks as "Dynamite Joe's Patented Fuck Your Ass Up Punch" and a "Buddy Mary," garnished with an Oliver Garden breadsticks, Slim Jims (both original and spicy) and followed by a Budweiser chaser, and the true story not told in Zero Dark Thirty of how Osama Bin Laden was killed.

Truly we as a nation and indeed the world are blessed to have a literary titan such as Joe Biden in the White House.

[Adam G]

Often, political memoirs come out in the period leading up to an election or when people are thinking about politics, which usually overlaps with the leadup to an election. As such, they tend to be milquetoast and to deal with issues in a rather bland manner. Diamond Joe Biden's memoir presents us with a different path, discussing the freewheeling life Joe Biden lived before he became Wingman in Chief. There's a great deal America can learn from this President of Vice.

[Zack Brattin]

One hell of a ride

Of course you can count on ole diamond Joe to tell it like it is. He doesn't hold back on any of the nitty gritty details you bought the book for.

[Gerry]

I'm counting this slim book toward the 20 I promised Goodreads I'd read this year. Take that, letter of the law!

The Onion's take on Joe Biden's character--that of a skirt chasing, mullet-sporting, white Trans Am driving, head-banging, hard-drinking party boy--is fleshed out to ridiculous extremes in this Kindle Single. In this faux memoir we learn the inside skinny on Diamond Joe's world. What revs his engine? What makes him tick? Why is he escaping to Mexico with just the clothes on his back and a brick of weed stashed in the glove box?

One complaint, though: the book needs once more pass through the Onion's proofreading department.

[Michelle]

I super love "Diamond" Joe Biden and have been following him on the Onion. If you haven't, it's a fictionalization of the Vice President painting him as a Trans-am loving poon scorning "sawed-off hellion" rebel and the coolest guy on Capital Hill. When they were promoting this book, the REAL Joe Biden tweeted a picture of himself claiming he actually likes red Corvettes not Trans Ams. So clearly the real Vice President is in on the joke and is promoting it, too cool. I was stuck home with the flu and needed a light read, but this is hysterical!!

[Drew]

I don't know that a review is all that necessary for this book. It's brought to you by The Onion, so I think the reader knows in advance what he/she is getting into (for those who don't know, The Onion is a satirical newspaper). I found myself laughing out loud to myself in public and frequently highlighting the gems in this book. If you read this book, you'll never look at Vice President Biden in the same way.

[Josh Neas]

The Onion's version of Joe Biden has been one of the best things they've done in a long time, so this autobiography of "Diamond Joe" is simply hilarious. If you've enjoyed the articles about him on The Onion, then you will definitely enjoy this. Seriously caused many instances of out-loud laughter. Good job, Onion.

[Derek Saul]

This very interesting insight into Joe Biden's life and history makes clear that the voters have chosen and chosen well. Biden's experiences in the United States (and adventures in Mexico) embody the American dream, and more so explore the American experience. This book is a must-read for any patriot.

[Rex]

Funny - for a one-note premise. Which is the danger of this sort of satire. You get it really quickly - he's a hard-partying cocksman who also happens to knock out the occasional appropriation bill. Invested $1.99 to fill up my new Kindle Paperwhite. Got maybe $3.99 worth of laughs from it - so I win.

[John]

I really wanted to like this. What a wasted opportunity for smart satire - the author targets and squarely hits only the lowest common denominator with this, which is crude, rude, and not at all funny.

[Neven]

The Onion's "Joe Biden" character is a three-trick pony of a rude joke, but it's all written with surprising commitment and creativity. If I had a print version of this, I'd totally keep it in the bathroom.

[Alex Nagler]

Chill babies. Diamond Joe is here to give you his story and let you know all about how he does what he does.

-Joe Biden is the Vice President of the United States of America.

[Eva Szmutko]

I should've been offended. I should've been unamused. I shouldn't have laughed. And yet...

[Jakob]

The concept makes for funny articles. Not so much a full-length book, however.

[David James]

Somewhere between Larry Flynt and Jim Anchower you'll find "Diamond" Joe Biden. How you feel about this should tell whether or not you want to read this book.

[Andie Nash]

How could I not read this? Joe Biden cracks me up.

[Tom]

Absolute classic. Joe Biden is my hero.

[Morgan]

"Fact is, Scranton's a horseshit town and you can only sow oats there for so long before yearning for some new cooch."

[Jennifer]

Diamond Joe was the only thing keeping me sane during the 2012 election. I'll ride in his Trans Am anytime.

[Knut Sigurd]

The president of vice makes Mr Biden come across like the love child of Jim Anchower and Smoove B.

[Mitch Donaberger]

Pretty funny.

[George Richard]

Funny book!! I'm not that into politic's but this guy ROCKS!! Hope now that he's got his money problems behind him he'll run for Prez in 2016!! Just what this country needs as a leader!

[Toby Grace]

Perfection

[Elnora Kelly]

Joe Biden himself is rather entertaining. This book is 10x funnier...and intentionally so. Definitely some of The Onion's very best work!

[Billy]

I needed a laugh and this book delivered

[Russ Haeber]

You'll laugh with every page.

[Sabra Kurth]

A man who should be king!

[Jonathan Gallo]

106 pgs

[Heather]

If only this was Amtrak Joe's actual memoir...

But if it was I guess he wouldn't be called Amtrak Joe now would he?

[Mike Roam]

The "Onion" comedy newspaper has published a (very silly) fake gonzo biography of Vice President Joe Biden called "The President of Vice" and I'm laughing my buns off: it's x-rated rude cross between Wanda Hickey and the kind of stuff my brothers and I might have made up with the ruder neighbor boys. (There's something called the "wife acceptance factor" that I first heard of from a salesman at Radio Shack while looking at TV antennae: this book, like a huge antenna amplifier, probably has "low wife acceptance factor.") At one point Uncle Joe "liberates" an elephant from a circus and names him "dong-nose,” in another part he compares the accommodations of various prison drunk tanks he's been stuck in and says "Barry" is getting tired of bailing him and Pelosi out of the Wash DC jail. Then he gives the recipe for the "Dynamite Joe's Patented F&$@ Your A&$ Up Punch" which starts with a garbage can, includes full bottles of tequila, blackberry brandy, ... cheap-ass champagne and a splash of pineapple juice. "Serve with a ladle or just dunk your head in there.” If you're offended by rude language, stay away: this Joe is cussin', cruisin', laughin, chasin' sweet chicks, and rating his favorite jails.