Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid

The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance

by Doris Haggis-on-Whey

Animals of the Ocean, In Particular the Giant Squid, advances many heretofore unexplored discoveries and opinions, including squid dating dos and don'ts, why squid are not at all able to watch television in black and white, the ways in which people who don't know any better might think fish are not animals, the long-term effects of salt water on musical theater, and also the adventure of Günther.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Animals, Graphic Novels, Comedy, Childrens, Reference

Unknown Binding

First published November 17, 2006

About the author

Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey are a joint pseudonym of Dave Eggers and his brother Christopher.

Reviews

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is the definitive book on everything you need to know about the ocean.

It covers such diverse topics as:
Fish are animals s are other animals.
Bread and the Open Sea
Types of Dumb Dolphins (Brown ones, Pink ones, Sick ones, Packs of Dolphins, Dolphins that save people, Dolphins that let you pet them, Dolphins that ride waves, Dolphins that look like they're smiling, Grey ones)
Proper ways to address undersea animals. (Guess who gets a Chest bump and the greeting "You look like a bald fat albino man. Sir".)

All that and more is covered in only the first 14 pages of this epic 62 page encyclopedia of knowledge.

If you do not speak English be aware that the book has been "translated into several languages including Texan."

(if you guessed the Beluga your correct)

[Daren · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I thought it might be useful to know that the pufferfish we saw caught might be named Cody as it might help us calm it and get it back in the water but then I thought perhaps it would be pointless as his needles most likely ruptured his eardrums and he wouldn’t hear our soothing oohs and ahhs.

[Kristeeeee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never knew that squids were fluent Spanish and Catalan! And some even speak German! I love Dr. Dorris Haggis on Whey books so much that I want to cry and eat them at the same time.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hilarious. You need to read it with friends. Preferably while having a little something to drink.

[Fishface · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every American home library should include this book, to read to the children in front of a roaring fire at Squidmas. The illustrations are great, the commentary is great.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Crazy stuff!

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

The husband and I are always scratching our heads over what type of art to put on our walls. We have a few things by local artists, a smattering of photos, a painting the previous owners of the house forget to pack and lots of white walls. Personally, I would rather have a nice white zen wall than have bad art.

But then I ran into this book. Almost every page is potential frame-able, fully illustrated gem.

Here's the one that's going on my office wall first:

Duties of Squid Appendages (with bonus squid diagram):
1. Lifting
2. Polishing
3. Rescuing
4. Word processing
5. Deep tissue massage
6. Selecting the ripest fruits
7. Assembling bookcases and bedside tables
8. Simultaneous "up high," "down low," and "too slow"
9. Fully nuanced gesturing
10. Tickle Machine

[Emmett, Klaude, & Mingan Davenport · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book for anyone with a terribly odd sense of humor, or for giant squid owners (which I hope to one day become). It is filled with useful illustrations and charts that reveal startling insight into things like the "Most Popular Baby Names For Fifty Seldom Seen Sea Animals," in which the reader learns, for example, that the most popular name for a female Little Post-Horn Squid is Brooklyn, while the most popular name for a male Pelican Eel is Henry or Henri.

I do not believe you could find this information anywhere else, and I would highly recommend this book as a reference (or humor) book on marine life.

[Tori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing, if occasionally puzzling in its randomness. I was fond of its contrariness and its dedication to being pretty much completely wrong about everything. In a very matter-of-fact way. It's definitely something I could imagine having written with my own bigbro. I'm just not sure how much I like reading the results of someone else's bronanigans (bro plus shenanigans).

[Terri Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is quite possibly the worst book about giant squids I've ever read. I love it.

[Richard Bicknase · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this 4.5 stars if that were an option. Not quite as good as Giraffes? Giraffes! but good and funny nonetheless. I bought this as a present for my cousin to reference an inside joke about Giant Squids.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Possibly the most bizarre book I've read...at least for some time. Quirky, silly, forthright in its complete disregard for accurate information. And a great title to boot. I'm already looking forward to reading `Giraffe? Giraffes!' next.

[Brad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two-and-a-half stars. For reasons unknown, I was more tickled by this volume than Giraffes? Giraffes! The humor as a whole is still more so random than it is clever.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never knew that sharks were good at installing floor tile!

[Wiley June · Rating 4 out of 5]

me and who

[Danielle Palmer]

DNF. Way too silly for me, with odd modern day references to conair etc.

[Kerri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Silly me; I picked this up at SFMOMA store after reading the one page with the diagram on The Duties of Squid Appendages, as I thought it would be a good, fun gift for any number of my friends' young'us. Awww... too bad I found, as I read more, that it's a bit too clever, whith a bit too much talk of evisceration to be tainting the heads of any five-year-olds yet, so darn, I just have to keep it for myself.

Only after I read and enjoyed the whole darn thing did I discover, in 7 point type on the last page, that it's actually a McSweeney's book by Dave You-Know-Who (and his little brother Toph). Well, no wonder I like it. Sorry, boys, you're not getting it... at least not until I've worn it thin in another five or ten years.

[Gena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like the first two volumes of The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance, Vol. 3: Animals of the Ocean, In Particular the Giant Squid is essential to any respectable gentleperson's library. This volume is full of necessary information, including How to Know if One Is Being Eaten, the basic tenets of Shark Religion, and The Adventure of Gunther, The Lanternfish Who Wanted to Scope Out This One Part of This Cool Coral Reef Real Quick. Only for those unafraid of the truth.

[Jakey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is brilliant, hilarious and amazing. Especially if you have the kind of sense of humour that makes you want to watch monty python episodes on video from the public library.
Especially if you like Giant Squids.

[Jamie Felton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would compare this to Monty Python maybe. A mocklopedia of information about giant squid. McSweeneys does everything with great attention to detail and aesthetic value, and this is no different. It is completely ridiculous and beautifully done.

[Stefanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absurdity levels easily on par with, or possibly surpassing, that of Giraffes? Giraffes!.

[Nar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative! If you don't understand discordian, absurdist humor, you will think this book is horrible. You'd be wrong, but if you don't understand discordian/absurdist humor, the rest of us think you're horrible.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

if given the chance, the giant squid will CUT YOU. so watch your back.

you also learn that fish used to have glorious hair and the most popular names for sea-dwellers.

[Greg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goofy as hell and I wish these had existed when I was about 10. Go Dave and Toph.

[Cyndi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sooooooo funny!

[Mei · Rating 3 out of 5]

for the main purpose of enlightenment and all existential questions.

[Melindita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, NPR, for recommending this. This book made Thanksgiving 2006 with the Evans family a hilarious time. It's so bizarrely funny!

[Empress · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised to learn that the Giant Squid much prefers Usher's "Confessions" to R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet."
Fascinating.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I now know less about the deep sea having read this book. Thanks Dorris and mister Haggis-on-Whey!

[Nicholas Branigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

this threatens to be too clever for it's own good, but man i laughed too embarassingly hard in the bookstore to pass it up.