With the theme song "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast ringing in my ears, I skimmed Be My Guest as rapidly as possible. My hopes were low, and they were met. My curiosity about this patriarch of a herd of badly-behaved socialites, sex-tape entrepreneurs, and other frivolous descendants had limits.
I suddenly realized amid the Horatio-Algeresque storytelling of a young man with big ambitions that I was reading about Hilton's failing marriage to Zsa Zsa Gabor, so I backtracked to find out how this blessed event had happened. Without Hilton's active participation, apparently.
"I theenk I am going to marry you," said Zsa Zsa to Conrad Hilton at a fancy dinner party, the divorcée and the divorcé meeting for the first time. Four months later it happened. "It is difficult to figure out now how I ... wound up before a judge ... entering into a civil marriage ceremony..." recalled Hilton a little over a decade later. He chalked it up to being an incurable romantic, which certainly sounds a lot better than "horny toad."
Sadly, Hilton could no longer take Roman Catholic communion (he was devout). Also Zsa Zsa ran up the bills, and Conrad was shocked "to discover that beauty can be a full-time affair." For two hours every morning Zsa Zsa applied creams and tried on brooches, scarves and perfumes. "At twelve o'clock Beauty took itself off to an elegant luncheon club which was, I suppose, its proper setting. It then shopped 'til around three and returned to settle once more before the dressing table." Divorce soon followed.
Hilton doesn't even mention his daughter with Gabor, Constance Francesca. I had to find out about her from Wikipedia. "At the time of her death [at age 67], Hilton had been homeless and living out of her car for some time," it notes.
Nor, like another world-famous hotelier, does he much mention his son Eric. When Hilton split from his first wife Mary, she took the youngest, Eric, to live with her, and Conrad took Nick and Barron.
Conrad's son Nick married Elizabeth Taylor, whose photograph he had fallen in love with. He pestered her Hollywood studio until she finally agreed to a date. But the marriage was doomed: again, Beauty is not something that can be successfully married.
If Elizabeth had been just a shade less beautiful --
If she had been a counter girl at Macy's instead of a movie star --