Getting Unstuck: Breaking Your Habitual Patterns & Encountering Naked Reality

by Pema Chödrön

Have you ever had an itch and not scratched it? In the Buddhist tradition, this points to a vast that by refraining from our urge to scratch, great peace and happiness is available.

On Getting Unstuck , Pema Chödrön introduces a rare Tibetan teaching she received from her teacher, Dzigar Kontrul Rinpoche, and one that has become critical to her practice. Here, she unveils the mystery of an ineffable a pre-emotional feeling that arises in us, brings us discomfort, and causes us to react by escaping the discomfort often with harmful habits.

With Getting Unstuck , she offers us a first look at both the itch and the scratch, which Tibetan Buddhists call shenpa. On this full-length recording, Pema Chödrön, bestselling author and beloved American Buddhist nun, shows us how to recognize shenpa, catch it as it appears, and develop a playful, lively curiosity toward it. Join Pema Chödrön to discover more

Critical mind―how to recognize this fundamental shenpa, and approach yourself and others with a sense of humor and loving-kindness
• Ways to unravel the patterns of self-denigration, and develop the fundamental maitri ―loving-kindness―toward yourself
• How to cultivate acceptance of your irritability, insecurities, and other simply human traits
• Recognition, Refrain, Relaxing, and the four R's of working with shenpa, and more
An urge comes up, we succumb to it, and it becomes stronger, teaches Pema Chödrön. We reinforce our cravings, habits, and addictions by giving in to them repeatedly. On Getting Unstuck , Chödrön guides us through this sticky feeling, exploring the moments when we get hooked, and offers us tools for learning to stay with our uneasiness, soften our hearts toward ourselves and others, and live a more peaceful life in the fullness of the present moment.

Genres: Buddhism, Nonfiction, Self Help, Spirituality, Audiobook, Psychology, Philosophy

3 pages, Audio CD

First published November 30, 2004

About the author

Ani Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.

She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.

While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.

Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.

Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.

Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.

Reviews

[Elision · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of talks by Pema Chodron are on the topic of "shenpa," an idea roughly translated as "hooks" or "attachment." When we get trapped in our head instead of being present, it's this shenpa we're experiencing. Shenpa is not the thoughts we have or the emotions we feel, but the sticky part that keeps us from getting back to the present moment. When we realize that something is hooking us, we can take an attitude of curiosity and joy at discovering the shenpa and get back to the present.

I liked this audio collection a lot, and I'd recommend it for anyone interested in Buddhism, meditation, and spiritual growth. Pema Chodron is a delightful speaker, who displays and advocates curiosity, compassion, and humor for everyone (including ourselves). Her explanations of techniques, terms, and reasons for both are helpful and accessible. She explains everything a few different ways, so even if something doesn't make sense at first, it will eventually click.

All of my previous meditation experience had been in silence, with closed eyes, and generally in connection with some sort of yoga practice. This audio collection was useful for helping me realize that that isn't how meditation has to be, and in fact, there are other ways that work better for some people. For instance, being present with sound (as oppose to breath) is much more effect for me. I'm sensitive to sound, and half oblivious to inner-physical sensation.

I appreciated Pema Chodron's explanation of how and why to touch thoughts, emotions, and sensations without attachment. The whole idea of meditating to lessen shenpa's spiral effect, instead of meditating to quiet the mind and dull pain, was very helpful. We have noisy minds, but it is okay and possible to think, feel, touch while being present in the moment and not trapped in some sort of potentially harmful dream space.

Pema Chodron is pretty neat. She is an American Buddhist nun who speaks internationally and donates money from her events to a variety of worth-while organizations. You can learn more about her at her website, here: http://pemachodron.org/

[Arlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pema Chodron makes Tibetan Buddhism accessible to the western mind. I found this one particularly relevant and helpful. I find it fascinating that, while westerners, and Christianity in particular, emphasize our shortcomings and original sin, Buddhists emphasize the basic goodness, the soft spot in the human heart. Personally, I find this much more helpful.

In order to make a difference in the world, one must learn compassion. And the place to start is with compassion for one's self, and one's shortcomings. If we were perfect, compassion would be impossible, since we would be incapable of understanding another's pain and struggles. Rather than dwell on where we have failed this week, instead rejoice in the fact that we recognized it, and stopped it before it escalated further.

In tough situations, if we can be fully present, not fight the feelings, but fully experience them, without getting hooked into anger or retaliation, expressing compassion for ourselves, that feeling will spread, and our world may, one small step at a time, become more compassionate.

[Andrea Luquetta · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is no escaping Pema Chondron's simple language. Her voice is beautiful, her tenor compassionate, but her call to mindfulness and staying present is unwavering and pure.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Technically, this isn’t a printed book. It’s a recording of a talk Pema did in six parts over a weekend at a retreat. The wisdom and value in this discussion is more valuable than I can express.

Seriously, get this audiobook if you ever find yourself stuck inside your own head after someone or something upsets you, making your thoughts spiral down the well of negative thinking that’s nearly impossible to escape from. Pema offers Buddhist teachings and meditative techniques on how to catch those those initial thoughts and instead of trying to hide from the overwhelming emotions that come with the negative thinking, she teaches how deal with and sit with them in a peaceful way so that your thoughts don’t spiral into a nightmarish hell. It’s powerful stuff.

One thing I love about Pema, a Buddhist nun, is how human she is. She’s very funny, and at the same time her voice is like balm to the soul.

[Angel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I probably should have listened to this last year because it's pretty useful when addressing covid anxiety. I have a lot of that so I liked this quite a bit.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pema Chödrön shares her knowledge of the how-tos of meditation and the benefits of meditation with an audience on a retreat in this three-hour audio.

[Hailey Hunt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This could possibly be the most powerful, life- and perspective-changing thing I've ever heard. Through light-hearted humor and deep empathy, Pema shares stories that will stick with you to explain the power of meditation and staying. If you want to be less critical of yourself and others, discover how to sit with deep emotions, reframe your mind on the thoughts that enter your head, redirect your habits toward what actually matters in your life, and really create personal freedom, give this a listen. I could not recommend this more - a must "read" (listen) for every human.

[Z · Rating 4 out of 5]

With great compassion, humour, and accessibility, Pema Chödrön guides us through experiencing negative emotions, identifying 'hooks' or 'shenpa' - that very first moment when you feel hurt or threatened, that sharp intake of breath and momentary blindness - and working with shenpa to understand it and strip it of its reactive and instinctive power. Since listening to this audiobook I often smile to myself when I notice my own moments of shenpa and remember her phrase, 'shenpa attack.' If nothing it makes you aware of the transitory nature of emotions and potentially reduces the senseless damage one would instinctively wreak in certain emotionally charged situations.

[Jenni Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pema just makes me feel so okay with my entire experience of being human!

[Paul Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

To Remember:
- Shenpa is undefinable, but it can be characterized as stickiness, or the immediate association of yourself with a thought (there's is not awareness of separateness).
- 1:49:30 - Living your life as a ceremony: "there is some sense of living your life as a ceremony. You begin with intention, and then you can go about your day. Needless to say there is a lot of forgetfulness about this intention." That is an exercise at the beginning, and at the end of the day you review the day (but not with a polarizing good/bad labeling - but of a statement and observation).
- 1:50:19 - "For me, when I see that I connected with my aspiration even briefly once during the whole day, I feel a sense of rejoicing. And when I see that I blew it, lost it completely, I rejoice that I have the capacity to see that. For him when he tries so hard to teach the students and what he says is the most challenging thing to teach is: what is it overall that knows when we blew it? It's your own wisdom.
- 2:44:55 - Adding items to your toolbox: "Curiosity, patience and curiosity and acceptance, put them in your toolbox, for sure. Loving kindness, humor, put them in your toolbox."

Key Highlights:
- 1:31:28 - "Since death is certain, and the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?"
- 1:32:40 - Enjoying the process: "So the path of moving in this direction of obstacles being our teachers and a life teaching us and a life waking us up, rather than becoming more and more of a burden, and more and more depressing, and us becoming more and more discouraged, is really fundamentally learning to stay: learning to stay with a good sense of humor, learning to stay with loving-kindness toward yourself and the outer situation, bringing in as much warmth and gentleness into the equation. Learning to stay is the basis of humility because if you see your own mind, it's impossible to be arrogant. It's the basis of compassion, because as I've often said in the past, the more you stand in your own shoes, the more you learn to stay and recognize shenpa."
- 1:46:32 - "You begin to realize that the shenpa is blinding you to the enjoyment of life."
- 1:49:30 - Living your life as a ceremony: "there is some sense of living your life as a ceremony. You begin with intention, and then you can go about your day. Needless to say there is a lot of forgetfulness about this intention." That is an exercise at the beginning, and at the end of the day you review the day (but not with a polarizing good/bad labeling - but of a statement and observation).
- 1:50:19 - "For me, when I see that I connected with my aspiration even briefly once during the whole day, I feel a sense of rejoicing. And when I see that I blew it, lost it completely, I rejoice that I have the capacity to see that. For him when he tries so hard to teach the students and what he says is the most challenging thing to teach is: what is it overall that knows when we blew it? It's your own wisdom.
- 2:15:19 - "In this very lifetime I could change the movie so that the same things don't keep happening to me now, such as always getting with another abusive partner" and later, for yourself or the generations to come.
- 2:07:31 - "The emotion was always there. I just didn't allow it to drag me down and pull me back."
- 2:36:00 - Lines from a Buddhist: "Blind to mind's true nature, we hold fast to our thoughts, which are nothing but manifestations of the true nature, the open spacious nature. And this freezez awareness into solid concepts such as I and other, desirable and detestable, and plenty of others. And this is how we create samsara."
- 2:44:55 - Adding items to your toolbox: "Curiosity, patience and curiosity and acceptance, put them in your toolbox, for sure. Loving kindness, humor, put them in your toolbox."

All Highlights:
- 38:16 - "We get to choose what we get better at. Mindlessly we get better at the things we don't like about ourselves, interestingly enough - like our out of control anger or low self-esteem or our self-pity or our fearfulness. And then the more we strengthen, the more we do it."
- 53:55 - "Shen luk means turning shenpa upside down, or shaking it up. So renunciation isn't about renouncing food or sex or work or relationship or whatever it is. It's not really talking about things themselves; it's talking about the shenpa. So what we are announcing is the shenpa and the interesting thing is there is no way to really renounce the shenpa."
- 56:12 - Stopping the chain reaction to addiction or craving or drive: "there has to be the willingness to fully acknowledge that something is happening and then the willingness to refrain from having just one more drink or refrain from binge eating or whatever it is. But that has to be done in someway that you equate it with love and kindness and friendliness and warmth toward yourself, rather than equate it with some sort of straight jacket that you're putting on yourself, because then you're getting into struggle."
- 1:05:55 - Four R's: "recognizing, refraining (not going down that road), relaxing (into the underlying feeling), and resolve (do it again and again)."
- 1:31:28 - "Since death is certain, and the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?"
- 1:32:40 - Enjoying the process: "So the path of moving in this direction of obstacles being our teachers and a life teaching us and a life waking us up, rather than becoming more and more of a burden, and more and more depressing, and us becoming more and more discouraged, is really fundamentally learning to stay: learning to stay with a good sense of humor, learning to stay with loving-kindness toward yourself and the outer situation, bringing in as much warmth and gentleness into the equation. Learning to stay is the basis of humility because if you see your own mind, it's impossible to be arrogant. It's the basis of compassion, because as I've often said in the past, the more you stand in your own shoes, the more you learn to stay and recognize shenpa."
- 1:35:22 - "Thoughts in the mind are like waves in water. Sometimes the water is still, but you're never going to get still water forever, and often the waves get huge, and sometimes they just are ripples. That's the image for the nature of our minds."
- 1:46:32 - "You begin to realize that the shenpa is blinding you to the enjoyment of life."
- 1:49:30 - Living your life as a ceremony: "there is some sense of living your life as a ceremony. You begin with intention, and then you can go about your day. Needless to say there is a lot of forgetfulness about this intention." That is an exercise at the beginning, and at the end of the day you review the day (but not with a polarizing good/bad labeling - but of a statement and observation).
- 1:50:19 - "For me, when I see that I connected with my aspiration even briefly once during the whole day, I feel a sense of rejoicing. And when I see that I blew it, lost it completely, I rejoice that I have the capacity to see that. For him when he tries so hard to teach the students and what he says is the most challenging thing to teach is: what is it overall that knows when we blew it? It's your own wisdom.
- 1:51:36 - "This leads us to the delighting and seeing rather than despairing and seeing. Letting us build confidence rather than go into a depression and feel discouraged and hopeless. Being able to acknowledge the shenpa, being able to see the shenpa, that is the doorway to freedom, just being able to acknowledge it and being able to see it.
- 2:07:31 - "The emotion was always there. I just didn't allow it to drag me down and pull me back."
- 2:15:19 - "In this very lifetime I could change the movie so that the same things don't keep happening to me now, such as always getting with another abusive partner" and later, for yourself or the generations to come.
- 2:36:00 - Lines from a Buddhist: "Blind to mind's true nature, we hold fast to our thoughts, which are nothing but manifestations of the true nature, the open spacious nature. And this freezez awareness into solid concepts such as I and other, desirable and detestable, and plenty of others. And this is how we create samsara."
- 2:44:55 - Adding items to your toolbox: "Curiosity, patience and curiosity and acceptance, put them in your toolbox, for sure. Loving kindness, humor, put them in your toolbox."
- 2:58:20 - "When you're really hot under the collar, it's good to go out for a walk and some thing and cool down before you go on with the subject."

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author is a Buddhist nun and an author. I've read a few of her books and I've loved them. This one was a little different but I loved the messages she weaved in and around habits. I already feel like a reread is in order. There was so much to ponder.

I will read whatever she puts out there. So 5 stars.

[Sher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shenpa: a Tibetan Buddhist word that translates loosely to something that indicates the root cause of aggression and craving.

This is the topic of this series of live talks led by Pema Chödrön, which I enjoyed and found quite interesting. She's a very calming (and really funny!) and even keeled facilitator - oh, and also an American Buddhist nun. I consider it my Chödrön primer and will continue seeking out and learning from her teachings.

Another new word: Shinjan = thoroughly processed. Feels like more space in your mind, bigger perspective on what's happening, and more at ease with your mind, body, and world.

With spiritual teachings: "we remember stories more than anything else" (in reference to John Nash's mental struggles in "A Beautiful Mind")

The teachings end with this chant

An Aspiration for World Peace
May all sentient beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness
May they be free from suffering and the root of suffering
May they not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering
May they dwell in great equanimity that is free from passion, aggression, and prejudice

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first book by Pema Chödrön and it was delightful. A great meditation practice especially for me right now with everything that is going on in the world (COVID19).

[Boolia Bart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love her

[Raul Mazilu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not an audiobook, but recordings of wonderful talks given by Pema Chodron. Some takeaways:

Shenpa: the primordial restlessness
1. We're all in the habit of distraction, of leaving, of not being fully present in the immediacy of our experience. This distraction is called Shenpa.
2. Shenpa is that itch, that restlessness, the urge to gratify your addiction.
3. Food, alcohol, sex, shopping, working = things that in moderation would be delightful, but we imbue them with an addictive quality. We empower them with the idea that they'll bring us relief and remove the static hum of unease.

4R: the path to enlightenment
Thoughts aren't a problem. The problem is that they hook us and we believe in them so strongly. How do we strip them of their addictive quality? When Shenpa arises in you:
1. Recognize it (by labelling the action e.g., say "thinking")
2. Refrain (from being absorbed into it e.g., focus back on your breath)
3. Relax (into the underlying feeling)
4. Resolve (to go through this process again and again, without expecting it ever fully dissapear)

Self-reflection and acceptance
1. Take delight in the self-reflection: when you see that you've given in to Shenpa once more, don't beat yourself up over it and add more Shenpa. Instead, take delight in the fact that you're able to recognize the pattern repeating itself
2. Transforming self-reflection from a cause of anger and self-loathing into a source delight primes you to notice the patterns more often
3. Your life now is no longer about keeping this armor of anger to protect yourself; it's about learning to get in touch with the soft spot underneath it, rejoice its presence, and take it into the world.

[Piat Orendain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short but sweet! This book helped me talk about addiction with a friend of mine that is currently trying to quit smoking. In trying to do some research to help my friend out, I also learned a great number of things about myself and how we as a people are addicted to so many things, critical thinking; sugar; beating ourselves up; and all sorts of other really insidious mental traps that spiritually bog us down. What we don't realize is that we allow ourselves to be ruled by these so-called personal programmings. We get stuck in ourselves because of ourselves. Pema Chodron illustrates the cycle of addiction and suffering through the Buddhist lens, but also makes it accessible to everyone, Buddhist or not.

[Happyreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend was told by her counselor, "You're not depressed. You just have bad habits." Don't we all.

I loved these CDs. It's all about how we get hooked and how we can unhook ourselves with compassion rather than continue with the habits we think will bring us comfort, by avoiding the present moment, but ultimately keep us trapped.

I just need to remember the four Rs: recognize, refrain, relax, resolve. Heck, if I could refrain, I'd be all set.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Her descriptions of our common nature and common suffering is beautiful. She inspires us to become more present and to stay with our habitual patterns to uncover and move forward on our path. I love her insights.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was refreshingly deeply helpful and reminded me of how helpful studying Buddhism was to me when I was in college and very depressed. Also, at the same I could not quote you a single idea from this book so I need to read it again lmao why is my brain like this

[Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderfully down to earth talks on using the dharma as a kind and loving way to work on the ways we sabotage our own lives.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listening to this book - actually a collection of lectures. She's a good speaker - she can be light and funny while talking about pain. She's honest about her own faults, which is encouraging.

[Jekaterina Dmitrijeva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lekciju sērija par shengpa - āķiem, ko ieķer mūsos atsevišķas domas, emocijas vai idejas. Un ko ar tiem āķiem darīt, kā pārtraukt bezgalīgo ciešanas veicinošo apli.
Pema ir brīnišķīga skolotāja - pat neklātienē viņa iedvesmo ar savu vienkāršo skaidrojumu sarežģītiem budisma jēdzieniem, lielisko humora izjūtu, izteiktu cilvēcību, Rietumu dzīves uztveres saprašanu un laba stāstnieka spēju - spēju radīt sajūtu - ka arī viņa ir bijusi tur, kur es šobrīd, arī viņa ir sastapusi savus dēmonus un viņa joprojām smaida ar labestību pret pasauli. Viņa ne tikai māca, bet atgriež cerību.

[Marsha Raasch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Self help isn't my favorite or hasn't been for awhile. Back in my 20s and 30s, sure. But I'm firmly into escapism now. However, one needs a refresher now and then. 😛
Pema Chodron's gentle humor while teaching how we can "learn to stay with our uneasiness, soften our hearts toward ourselves and others, and live a more peaceful life in the fullness of the present moment", was enjoyable and just what i needed this past week.

[Stephanie Dargusch Borders · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook of this, which was live recorded and is more of a series of lectures. It’s my introduction to Chodron and I think I would have chosen something different to start with. There’s a lot to take in and I think I’ll be better served on a reread.

[Linda Beldava · Rating 5 out of 5]

Budistu mūķenes dzīvo lekciju audio ieraksti.
Tāds vieglums un humors viņas attieksmē. Iedvesmo! Šo noteikti pārklausīšos vēlreiz un vēlreiz.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorites of her many books... maybe because I so need these lessons about “shenpa” (being hooked by an emotion or train of thought).

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant honest and easily accessible book for moving out of pain or just the feeling of being stuck into a realistic place of moving forward. So real without overpromising what life is or can be like. Peña Chodron is so down to earth while highly spiritual. She is a gem.

[Lisa Milne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just the little nudge you need to get your mind right for your next journey. Loved the audio - author is speaking at a retreat, so it’s real and in the moment.

[L]

I needed to hear about “shenpa” and that “death is certain, time of death is uncertain” at exactly this moment. I’m really glad I happened to pick this.

[Nazeil lively · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this! It’s a recorded talk about meditation, staying with our emotions, and breaking patterns. She throws a bit of humor in there as well.