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230 pages, ebook
First published February 25, 2012
“If I were a carpenter, I would build you a window to my soul. But I would leave that window shut and locked, so that every time you tried to look through it all you would see is your own reflection. You would see that my soul is a reflection of you.”
If I were a carpenter, I would build you a window to my soul. But I would leave that window shut and locked, so that every time you tried to look through it...all you would see is your own reflection. You would see that my soul is a reflection of you...
“Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the hardest things in the world to hold on to, and one of the easiest things to throw away.”
"Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together."
FRIDAY, MARCH 2
It's worth all the aches,
All the tears,
the mistakes . . .
The heart of a man and a woman in love?
It's worth all the pain in the world.
Before Julia passed away, we made the mistake of taking things too far, too soon—a crucial mistake on my part. It was just two weeks after we started officially dating, and Caulder was spending the night at Kel's house. Lake and I came back to my place after a movie. We started making out on the couch, and one thing led to another, neither of us willing to stop it. We weren't having sex, but we would have eventually if Julia hadn't walked in when she did. She completely flipped out. We were mortified. She grounded Lake and wouldn't let me see her for two weeks. I apologized probably a million times in those two weeks. Julia sat us down together and made us swear we would wait at least a year. She made Lake get on the pill and made me look her in the eyes and give her my word. She wasn't upset about the fact that her eighteen-year-old daughter almost had sex. Julia was fairly reasonable and knew it would happen at some point. What hurt her was that I was so willing to take that from Lake after only two weeks of dating. It made me feel incredibly guilty, so I agreed to the promise. She also wanted us to set a good example for Kel and Caulder; she asked us not to spend the night at each other's houses during that year, either.
She doesn‟t have to do much convincing. “Fine. I'll be back in an hour. But all we're doing is sleeping, okay? No tempting me.”
“No tempting, I promise,” she says with a grin.
I cup her chin in my hand and lower my voice. “Lake, I'm serious. I want this to be perfect for you, and I get really carried away when I'm with you. We only have a week left. I want to stay the night with you, but I need you to promise me you won't put me in that position again for at least a hundred and sixty-two more hours.”
“One hundred sixty-one and a half,” she says.
It's been so long since we've been alone together without the possibility of being interrupted. I hate being in this predicament, but I love being in this predicament. Her skin is so soft; her lips are perfect. It gets harder and harder to retreat.
“You've passed like three stores that sell batteries,” she says. “We need to get one now, in case it‟s too late on the way back.”
“You don't need a battery. Your battery is fine,” I say. I avoid looking at her, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see her watching me, waiting for explanation. I don‟t immediately respond. I flick the blinker on and turn onto my grandparents‟ street. When I pull into their driveway, I turn off the car and tell her the truth. What harm could it do at this point? “I unhooked your battery cable before you tried to leave today.” I don't wait for her reaction as I get out of the car and slam the door, I'm not sure why. I'm not mad at her, I'm just frustrated. Frustrated that she doubts me after all this time.
“You what?” she yells. When she gets out of the car, she slams her door, too. I keep walking, shielding the wind and snow with my jacket until I reach the front door. She rushes after me. I almost walk inside without knocking but remember how it feels, so I knock.
“I said I unhooked your battery cable. How else was I going to convince you to ride with me?”
“That‟s real mature, Will.” She huddles closer to the front door...
“Nope. I got it.” She brings her plate into the living room and sits down on the floor. We all stare at her when she takes a huge bite of a chicken strip. “Oh my God, it‟s so gooood,” she says. She shoves the rest of it in her mouth.
“Kiersten, that's meat. You're eating meat,” I say.
She nods. “I know. It's the weirdest thing. I've been dying to come over here since you guys got home so I could try some.” She takes another bite. “It's heaven, ” she says around her mouthful. She hops up and walks to the kitchen. “Is it good in ketchup?” She brings the bottle back and squirts some on her plate.
“Why the sudden change of heart?” Lake asks her. Kiersten swallows. “Right when we were about to be hit by that truck . . . all I could think was how I was about to die and I'd never tasted meat. That was my only regret in life.” We all laugh. She grabs the chicken off of my plate and throws it on her own.
“So I'm not about to apologize for loving all these things about you, no matter the reasons or the circumstances behind them.
And no, I don't need days , or weeks , or months to think about why I love you.
It's an easy answer for me.
I love you because of you.
Because of
every
single
thing
about you"