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I Didn't Know I Needed This: The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself
From TikTok star Eli Rallo, an irreverent, laugh-out-loud funny, and searingly honest take on modern dating and romance with tips, tricks, and survival-guide style rules.
I Didn’t Know I Needed This is the dose of confidence every girl needs to live their life on their own terms. Eli Rallo is a social media superstar, a Carrie Bradshaw for the TikTok age, a true romantic at heart, and the best friend every young woman wishes she had. As someone who prides herself in feeling fully and deeply, Eli is on the ride with you, kissing the frogs, sending (and deleting) the risky DMs, climbing down frat house gutters, making the friends you’ll have for life, all while finding love and falling in love with yourself and learning that everything will be alright. In this earnest and vulnerable look at what it’s really like to date as a young woman in the modern world of dating apps, rotating rosters, and social media snafus, Eli gives her rules for each stage of the game—tried and true tricks of the trade.
I Didn't Know I Needed This follows the natural lifecycle of dating, starting with being single, flirting, and navigating the apps to going on dates, having sex, falling in love, and managing relationships, to finally dealing with heartbreak, finding closure, prioritizing your friends, and honoring your life.
Discover the rules that have worked for her, and garnered her more than a half million TikTok With touching stories of her own adventures and mishaps, Eli helps you navigate dating in a way that’s frank, honest, funny, and relatable, giving the advice that you didn’t even know you needed.
I Didn’t Know I Needed This is the dose of confidence every girl needs to live their life on their own terms. Eli Rallo is a social media superstar, a Carrie Bradshaw for the TikTok age, a true romantic at heart, and the best friend every young woman wishes she had. As someone who prides herself in feeling fully and deeply, Eli is on the ride with you, kissing the frogs, sending (and deleting) the risky DMs, climbing down frat house gutters, making the friends you’ll have for life, all while finding love and falling in love with yourself and learning that everything will be alright. In this earnest and vulnerable look at what it’s really like to date as a young woman in the modern world of dating apps, rotating rosters, and social media snafus, Eli gives her rules for each stage of the game—tried and true tricks of the trade.
I Didn't Know I Needed This follows the natural lifecycle of dating, starting with being single, flirting, and navigating the apps to going on dates, having sex, falling in love, and managing relationships, to finally dealing with heartbreak, finding closure, prioritizing your friends, and honoring your life.
Discover the rules that have worked for her, and garnered her more than a half million TikTok With touching stories of her own adventures and mishaps, Eli helps you navigate dating in a way that’s frank, honest, funny, and relatable, giving the advice that you didn’t even know you needed.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2023
1608 people are currently reading
10887 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,668 reviews
December 6, 2023
oof.
I have MANY thoughts about this book, hardly any of them good. Two stars was generous, imo.
I am admittedly not the target audience for this book, but wanted to read it because I follow Eli on TikTok and love her sense of humor. I was interested to dive into her writing and read about her experiences.
The biggest problem with this book for me was the fact that's it's a self-help guide. I guess I wrongly assumed that it was more of a memoir or a collection of meaningful/humorous essays about the author's life. But it has Eli's rules and tips and tricks for dating, sex, and relationships. But to me, being an influencer or TikTok personality (or even going to j-school) doesn't qualify you for offering that kind of advice. And not only is the author giving advice I don't believe she is qualified to give (um, she's 25!), I think much of it is not just unwarranted, it's reckless. I don't think Eli is the right person to be writing this book, and reading much of the "advice" she gives made me upset. Not just because I don't agree with it -- most of it is just mantras/advice that isn't fully-formed or ultimately helpful. She's 25. It's immature twenty-something thoughts. Just because she's been around on dating apps doesn't mean she's the go-to expert. The book even existing doesn't make sense to me. If we want Eli to write a book, make it essays about her experiences, not professions of knowledge or expertise. I really, above all, think this book is irresponsible.
Also, the writing is so reminiscent of Pinterest-graphic quotes that are flowery and don't actually mean anything. For example, she says "It's in the moments we stop pressuring ourselves to be loved that we become loved." What? What does that even mean? It's aspirational, but doesn't end up saying much. It's shallow-level execution and even though the author seems to be saying "be okay being single!" by the end of the book, I don't think the author convinced us of that at all. She still gushes about her relationship (which, fine, we're glad you're happy), but don't make your whole schtick about loving yourself as an individual (she even says "being single is a final destination") while still very holding onto and trusting in relationships to validate her. The message wasn't there and I'm not buying what she's selling.
Also, this book is a viewpoint that is *extremely* privileged. It's got cis-het white girl all over it and it's honestly icky. The author doesn't thoroughly (or even more more than an extremely brief surface-level mention) acknowledge this. It's almost tone-deaf. Again, why are we wanting HER to write this book?? It really puts dating woes as the most "harrowing" experiences of her (and assuming the readers) lives, when they're not? Like, there is so much going on in the world and our rejection on a dating app isn't the end-all, be-all of life, happiness, or our focus? I think more thought and intention needs to be put into the kinds of books this publisher puts out. You can do better.
Overall, I wanted this book stopped or altered WAY BACK at the beginning of this process, or at the very least, edited within an inch of its life. ("For a while I felt a little like a flat, forgotten water bottle in a backpack." Is this the best simile we can do??)
I acknowledge that anyone writing a book should be applauded, because man, that's a big job and really admirable. But this book should stay for the author's personal memoir or majorly fixed. I cannot, for many reasons, recommend this book to anyone.
Thank you to William Morrow and Netgalley for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
I have MANY thoughts about this book, hardly any of them good. Two stars was generous, imo.
I am admittedly not the target audience for this book, but wanted to read it because I follow Eli on TikTok and love her sense of humor. I was interested to dive into her writing and read about her experiences.
The biggest problem with this book for me was the fact that's it's a self-help guide. I guess I wrongly assumed that it was more of a memoir or a collection of meaningful/humorous essays about the author's life. But it has Eli's rules and tips and tricks for dating, sex, and relationships. But to me, being an influencer or TikTok personality (or even going to j-school) doesn't qualify you for offering that kind of advice. And not only is the author giving advice I don't believe she is qualified to give (um, she's 25!), I think much of it is not just unwarranted, it's reckless. I don't think Eli is the right person to be writing this book, and reading much of the "advice" she gives made me upset. Not just because I don't agree with it -- most of it is just mantras/advice that isn't fully-formed or ultimately helpful. She's 25. It's immature twenty-something thoughts. Just because she's been around on dating apps doesn't mean she's the go-to expert. The book even existing doesn't make sense to me. If we want Eli to write a book, make it essays about her experiences, not professions of knowledge or expertise. I really, above all, think this book is irresponsible.
Also, the writing is so reminiscent of Pinterest-graphic quotes that are flowery and don't actually mean anything. For example, she says "It's in the moments we stop pressuring ourselves to be loved that we become loved." What? What does that even mean? It's aspirational, but doesn't end up saying much. It's shallow-level execution and even though the author seems to be saying "be okay being single!" by the end of the book, I don't think the author convinced us of that at all. She still gushes about her relationship (which, fine, we're glad you're happy), but don't make your whole schtick about loving yourself as an individual (she even says "being single is a final destination") while still very holding onto and trusting in relationships to validate her. The message wasn't there and I'm not buying what she's selling.
Also, this book is a viewpoint that is *extremely* privileged. It's got cis-het white girl all over it and it's honestly icky. The author doesn't thoroughly (or even more more than an extremely brief surface-level mention) acknowledge this. It's almost tone-deaf. Again, why are we wanting HER to write this book?? It really puts dating woes as the most "harrowing" experiences of her (and assuming the readers) lives, when they're not? Like, there is so much going on in the world and our rejection on a dating app isn't the end-all, be-all of life, happiness, or our focus? I think more thought and intention needs to be put into the kinds of books this publisher puts out. You can do better.
Overall, I wanted this book stopped or altered WAY BACK at the beginning of this process, or at the very least, edited within an inch of its life. ("For a while I felt a little like a flat, forgotten water bottle in a backpack." Is this the best simile we can do??)
I acknowledge that anyone writing a book should be applauded, because man, that's a big job and really admirable. But this book should stay for the author's personal memoir or majorly fixed. I cannot, for many reasons, recommend this book to anyone.
Thank you to William Morrow and Netgalley for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest, unbiased review.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 21, 2023
This was the stupidest book I’ve ever read.
As a married, religious, old soul kinda woman, I do not understand why I was picked to received and advanced copy of this book. Why did I apply for it? Because my best friend said “hey I saw this book on tiktok, read it and tell me if it’s any good??”
First off, I have to say I love the cover. That’s what the one start was. The cover. The rest of it however… oh my lord almighty. The intro is where I started my hatred for this book. Author, I don’t want to know about your sex life, I don’t care who you dated, I don’t need your advice, especially when it’s not really advice, it’s just telling stories about yourself. This book isn’t an advice book it is a book about the author. About half way into the intro I was like who is this girl??? I have never heard of her. So of course I go to her insta. What do I see?? Of course a white girl!!!
This book is about how to sleep around and how to cope when that doesn’t work out. This book is about how to be single and STAY single bc there’s nothing in this book that will help you get a partner. This book is how to life a great suburban white girl life. This book is all the advice you “didn’t know you needed” but guess what, you don’t actually need it. It’s an insult to womanhood, but mostly, this book is only about Ali Rallo. So if you want to read a book about her, then it’s great. But like my biggest question is… what the heck is your demographic on this book???
Thanks NetGalley for the advanced copy I guess.
As a married, religious, old soul kinda woman, I do not understand why I was picked to received and advanced copy of this book. Why did I apply for it? Because my best friend said “hey I saw this book on tiktok, read it and tell me if it’s any good??”
First off, I have to say I love the cover. That’s what the one start was. The cover. The rest of it however… oh my lord almighty. The intro is where I started my hatred for this book. Author, I don’t want to know about your sex life, I don’t care who you dated, I don’t need your advice, especially when it’s not really advice, it’s just telling stories about yourself. This book isn’t an advice book it is a book about the author. About half way into the intro I was like who is this girl??? I have never heard of her. So of course I go to her insta. What do I see?? Of course a white girl!!!
This book is about how to sleep around and how to cope when that doesn’t work out. This book is about how to be single and STAY single bc there’s nothing in this book that will help you get a partner. This book is how to life a great suburban white girl life. This book is all the advice you “didn’t know you needed” but guess what, you don’t actually need it. It’s an insult to womanhood, but mostly, this book is only about Ali Rallo. So if you want to read a book about her, then it’s great. But like my biggest question is… what the heck is your demographic on this book???
Thanks NetGalley for the advanced copy I guess.
December 10, 2023
1.5 stars. i have so many thoughts
first off, i’m not even gonna touch on the critique of “what advice does a 25 year old privileged white girl have to give?” because while valid, i still think it could be a good book, albeit with a narrow audience.
what i am gonna touch on is how this book, even giving it the merit that it’s not gonna be for everyone, is bad. at the beginning of each chapter is a set of “rules” on a topic (relationships, first dates, situationships, etc) followed by twenty or so pages of eli describing the experiences that have led her to give this advice. at first i didn’t mind this, but it very quickly got repetitive and boring. the “rules” are entertaining in the form of a tiktok, but in a book they feel cliche. the stories from her life are also not in any kind of chronological order, so it’s impossible to keep up with all of the guys she talks about (how am i supposed to remember “gemini boy”?)
but the most disappointing thing is the writing, because eli does seem like a creative person who’s passionate about the work. but the writing sucks ass. she relies on inane metaphors and similes, and uses polysyndeton constantly. it reminds me of how i wrote freshman year of college before i got some genuinely good critique on my essays from a professor. maybe it’s meant to come off as romantic and irreverent, but it just made me want to get out a red pen.
one good thing i do believe about this book is that it would motivate someone to go on more dates if they haven’t in a while. but that person probably wouldn’t bother finishing the whole book, because once you reap that benefit it’s not entertaining to read.
i do think eli could write a much better memoir/collection of essays with more skillful writing and better editing. but this unfortunately was not it.
first off, i’m not even gonna touch on the critique of “what advice does a 25 year old privileged white girl have to give?” because while valid, i still think it could be a good book, albeit with a narrow audience.
what i am gonna touch on is how this book, even giving it the merit that it’s not gonna be for everyone, is bad. at the beginning of each chapter is a set of “rules” on a topic (relationships, first dates, situationships, etc) followed by twenty or so pages of eli describing the experiences that have led her to give this advice. at first i didn’t mind this, but it very quickly got repetitive and boring. the “rules” are entertaining in the form of a tiktok, but in a book they feel cliche. the stories from her life are also not in any kind of chronological order, so it’s impossible to keep up with all of the guys she talks about (how am i supposed to remember “gemini boy”?)
but the most disappointing thing is the writing, because eli does seem like a creative person who’s passionate about the work. but the writing sucks ass. she relies on inane metaphors and similes, and uses polysyndeton constantly. it reminds me of how i wrote freshman year of college before i got some genuinely good critique on my essays from a professor. maybe it’s meant to come off as romantic and irreverent, but it just made me want to get out a red pen.
one good thing i do believe about this book is that it would motivate someone to go on more dates if they haven’t in a while. but that person probably wouldn’t bother finishing the whole book, because once you reap that benefit it’s not entertaining to read.
i do think eli could write a much better memoir/collection of essays with more skillful writing and better editing. but this unfortunately was not it.
January 14, 2024
This was an interesting first read of 2024, to say the least. I picked this up through Libby because I am a casual fan of Eli's content on TikTok, however, I quickly came to realize that I was not the right audience for this book. Having been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now, I don't need any dating advice. That was my bad, I didn't look into the topic of the book before picking this up and assumed it was more of a memoir-type read. Regardless, the dating advice was sub-par, and I wouldn't recommend this book or advice to help any of my single friends looking for a book on dating advice.
The format and organization of the book were frustrating for me. Each chapter focuses on a different topic, and Eli lists 10+ rules to start off the chapter. I found the rules to be vague and repetitive, she should have focused on 3-5 per topic instead of listing off 10+ that ultimately went in one ear and out the other. She then shares stories, experiences, and advice that have to do with the topic and rules, but I found these sections hard to follow because she doesn't share these stories in any kind of chronological order, and often jumps to different men she dated and years of her life with little rhyme or reason. She did have chapters focused on friend love and self love, which I enjoyed more than the rest of the topics since it was more relatable to me, however, the advice was still very surface-level. I can appreciate what Eli was trying to do with this book, but overall I think the execution was poor. I truly think the only people who will have a good experience with this book are die-hard Eli Rallo fans, so I wouldn't recommend checking this one out unless you're a part of that niche group.
The format and organization of the book were frustrating for me. Each chapter focuses on a different topic, and Eli lists 10+ rules to start off the chapter. I found the rules to be vague and repetitive, she should have focused on 3-5 per topic instead of listing off 10+ that ultimately went in one ear and out the other. She then shares stories, experiences, and advice that have to do with the topic and rules, but I found these sections hard to follow because she doesn't share these stories in any kind of chronological order, and often jumps to different men she dated and years of her life with little rhyme or reason. She did have chapters focused on friend love and self love, which I enjoyed more than the rest of the topics since it was more relatable to me, however, the advice was still very surface-level. I can appreciate what Eli was trying to do with this book, but overall I think the execution was poor. I truly think the only people who will have a good experience with this book are die-hard Eli Rallo fans, so I wouldn't recommend checking this one out unless you're a part of that niche group.
December 17, 2023
Oh boy. I’m going to try and be as objective as possible because Eli is MY GIRL. But I do have to say, a lot of the criticism of this book is warranted.
The first half was phenomenal. Eli does a great job at capturing the anxieties of a single girl in her 20’s navigating patriarchal, heteronormative expectations of relationship and life timelines while trying to find love. As a single 25 year old, I resonated deeply with this half of the book. Some of the content felt a bit more for late teens-early twenties, and I also didn’t relate with the college content as I stayed at home during my undergrad years. But I disagree with the reviews saying it’s only relatable for college girls.
From the relationship chapter onwards, though, the writing got pretty choppy and I found myself skimming without realizing. While I understand this is a book of personal essays, I don’t think Eli’s integration of her personal essays with her lists of tangible advice was done very effectively. It very much felt like “here’s a recap of my relationships. Now here’s what I suggest you do”. Not much connection between her own experience and her advice, even though I can tell that’s what she was going for.
The repetitive critique is spot on. The second half of the book regurgitated many of the same ideas and themes in different phrases and cliches. Certain analogies she used were nonsensical; sometimes it felt like she just wrote things for the sake of writing them. Also, I think “coquettish” is one of her fave words, from the amount of times it showed up in the book, lol.
Honestly if she kept the book focused on how to be single, it would have felt a lot tighter and cleaner. I didn’t really see the “life cycle of a relationship” concept unfold in the way she had mentioned it would when promoting the book. In fact, the last chapter felt like a bit of an afterthought in order to make it seem cyclical, when it didn’t add anything new to what had already been said.
So, overall, it was an enjoyable read and because I am an avid consumer of Eli’s content, I can appreciate what she was going for. That said, the execution could have been far, far stronger.
The first half was phenomenal. Eli does a great job at capturing the anxieties of a single girl in her 20’s navigating patriarchal, heteronormative expectations of relationship and life timelines while trying to find love. As a single 25 year old, I resonated deeply with this half of the book. Some of the content felt a bit more for late teens-early twenties, and I also didn’t relate with the college content as I stayed at home during my undergrad years. But I disagree with the reviews saying it’s only relatable for college girls.
From the relationship chapter onwards, though, the writing got pretty choppy and I found myself skimming without realizing. While I understand this is a book of personal essays, I don’t think Eli’s integration of her personal essays with her lists of tangible advice was done very effectively. It very much felt like “here’s a recap of my relationships. Now here’s what I suggest you do”. Not much connection between her own experience and her advice, even though I can tell that’s what she was going for.
The repetitive critique is spot on. The second half of the book regurgitated many of the same ideas and themes in different phrases and cliches. Certain analogies she used were nonsensical; sometimes it felt like she just wrote things for the sake of writing them. Also, I think “coquettish” is one of her fave words, from the amount of times it showed up in the book, lol.
Honestly if she kept the book focused on how to be single, it would have felt a lot tighter and cleaner. I didn’t really see the “life cycle of a relationship” concept unfold in the way she had mentioned it would when promoting the book. In fact, the last chapter felt like a bit of an afterthought in order to make it seem cyclical, when it didn’t add anything new to what had already been said.
So, overall, it was an enjoyable read and because I am an avid consumer of Eli’s content, I can appreciate what she was going for. That said, the execution could have been far, far stronger.
December 18, 2023
as it turns out I did not need this. I standby my sentiment that not everyone needs a book and I’d like to add that you shouldn’t be allowed to write an advice book before the age of 35.
January 4, 2024
"When I moved to New York after I graduated from college, I went on approximately fifty first dates , with fifty different guys, who all wore glasses."
"Swiping on dating apps until my fingers hurt."
Yeah ... this book was never going to work for me. Eli spent more than half the book championing for women to be single and not needing romantic relationships to validate themselves - all things I strongly believe in. However, Eli has never been single (at all times in her book she describes herself seeing someone, in a relationship or franticly on dating apps) and also is currently in a relationship. This felt like a personal diary and quite frankly I'm shocked this was published.
Lastly, should anyone be writing an advice book when they're 25? Rough.
*Want to note I do love Eli's TikTok content - she really puts out a lot of positive and funny videos. This just didn't feel like the Eli content I follow at all.
"Swiping on dating apps until my fingers hurt."
Yeah ... this book was never going to work for me. Eli spent more than half the book championing for women to be single and not needing romantic relationships to validate themselves - all things I strongly believe in. However, Eli has never been single (at all times in her book she describes herself seeing someone, in a relationship or franticly on dating apps) and also is currently in a relationship. This felt like a personal diary and quite frankly I'm shocked this was published.
Lastly, should anyone be writing an advice book when they're 25? Rough.
*Want to note I do love Eli's TikTok content - she really puts out a lot of positive and funny videos. This just didn't feel like the Eli content I follow at all.
December 12, 2023
I couldn’t finish this book. I’ve never been a big fan of Eli and actually find most of her posts super annoying. I had to read the book just to give her a final chance. If you are not a single / young female then there is nothing to relate to in this book. It seems more like she tried to publish her diary and turn it into advice for others. It is just not good.
December 14, 2023
I couldn���t even finish this book I was physically cringing the entire time. I didn’t want to have to spend my money on this so I listened to the audiobook via Spotify and Eli’s narration is just bad. She has this sort of voice that is not nice on the ears.
As for the content of the book itself, Eli seems to praise herself for being the “Carrie Bradshaw” of the new age. She is not. Her way of writing about sex and love is surface level and is only useful for girls who base their entire personality off of being single and sleeping around.
As for the content of the book itself, Eli seems to praise herself for being the “Carrie Bradshaw” of the new age. She is not. Her way of writing about sex and love is surface level and is only useful for girls who base their entire personality off of being single and sleeping around.
March 12, 2025
I didn't know who this was before picking up the book. I don't have TikTok, and there's no reason she or someone like her would ever find their way into my social media algorithm. It might be a generational thing, but I did not connect with the author on any level. I was hoping there might be something I could learn from her - generally what I look for in memoirs. I did not find anything she had to say worth learning from. If anything, I might've offered her some wisdom and advice instead. Good for her in finding her own success, but this might be a book only someone from Gen Z might really get?
I'll round up to three.
I'll round up to three.
December 17, 2023
Ugh! I wish I had better things so say. I was hesitant to even rate+review this book because Eli is such a positive person online and made it so clear what a dream writing a book is for her so I didn’t want to put out any negativity regarding her accomplishment. But I’ve reviewed every book I’ve read this year and don’t get many people reading my reviews (lol) so might as well be honest. I like watching Eli online and think she’s funny and witty so I was super excited to read her book—I found a copy at my local book store a few days before the official release date and took it as a sign I would love it.
It wasn’t bad the writing is good and some things she says could be valuable but I just didn’t get anything useful since I’m out of college and Eli is only 25 and therefore HEAVILY relies on her experience in college relationships and friendships. I think this book would be a great read for the incoming college freshman but beyond that probably not worth the time. Even though the advice was not particularly helpful I found some of the book entertaining. Unfortunately though it was much heavier than her online content and made many situations that are pretty run in the mill for a college girl overly dramatic and depressing. I don’t know, I like Eli and think she was so deserving of this book deal but it just didn’t land with me at least.
It wasn’t bad the writing is good and some things she says could be valuable but I just didn’t get anything useful since I’m out of college and Eli is only 25 and therefore HEAVILY relies on her experience in college relationships and friendships. I think this book would be a great read for the incoming college freshman but beyond that probably not worth the time. Even though the advice was not particularly helpful I found some of the book entertaining. Unfortunately though it was much heavier than her online content and made many situations that are pretty run in the mill for a college girl overly dramatic and depressing. I don’t know, I like Eli and think she was so deserving of this book deal but it just didn’t land with me at least.
December 20, 2023
Honestly, love the girl, but this was a hard read. It simply wasn’t good. The writing was very mediocre and she had several crutch words that stuck out too much throughout the book. Eli’s personality and content is better suited for a medium like social media, in smaller doses, not a book. This was simply a retelling of several relationships she had in college. No real advice here, no real inspiration, just a lot of, “trust me, because I’m happy now!” Just not interesting😢 felt like writing a book just to write a book, and I’m bummed because I love her 🫣
December 18, 2023
I just finished this book 🥹 it was everything I knew it would be and so much more! It felt like a big tight hug to my younger self letting her know that it gets better and we find the love and acceptance that we were so desperately searching for and that her big emotions are okay and won’t be too big for the right people. 🫶🏻
December 17, 2023
i'm gonna say 2.5 stars. i was planning on 3 until i got to the absolute word vomit of the final chapter, and i had to lower my rating.
i want to preface this by saying that i have a deep parasocial relationship with eli, so i am biased in my opinions being that i am so proud of her for publishing her first book. alas, i promised honesty to my less than 2000 instagram followers, so here we go.
this book was very much the fumbling, less mature little sister to tinx's book. eli faltered with writing this same concept in 1) the fact that she is simply too young (and, let's face it, privileged) to have good enough dating advice for anyone over the age of 20, and 2) the format of this book was confusing as hell.
every chapter was a flip flop between stories about eli's relationships (i use that term loosely, i think she's only had 1 defined relationship before her current one) and self-help content. it was extremely confusing trying to keep up which boy was which, and it distracted me from the true lessons and "rules" of the chapters. she would have benefitted from focusing less on making sure she covered the full range of her romantic endeavors (completely out of order) and instead honing in on the lessons she wanted to impart. i also sound petty saying this, i'm aware, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone in a relationship talks about how great being single is, which is what the entire first chapter was dedicated to.
overall, i think this book could have benefited from being edited to an inch of its life, as another reviewer stated perfectly. one of my pet peeves is using the word "just" as a qualifier, and it was in what felt like every paragraph of this book. i love eli's content and online presence deeply, but the majority of this book read like a tiktok voiceover. i would have devoured this as a 19 year old that didn't even consider the guy who ignored me for days on end wasn't going to be my soulmate. as a 25 year old who has a firm education in the tinx school of dating, there wasn't much here for me.
i want to preface this by saying that i have a deep parasocial relationship with eli, so i am biased in my opinions being that i am so proud of her for publishing her first book. alas, i promised honesty to my less than 2000 instagram followers, so here we go.
this book was very much the fumbling, less mature little sister to tinx's book. eli faltered with writing this same concept in 1) the fact that she is simply too young (and, let's face it, privileged) to have good enough dating advice for anyone over the age of 20, and 2) the format of this book was confusing as hell.
every chapter was a flip flop between stories about eli's relationships (i use that term loosely, i think she's only had 1 defined relationship before her current one) and self-help content. it was extremely confusing trying to keep up which boy was which, and it distracted me from the true lessons and "rules" of the chapters. she would have benefitted from focusing less on making sure she covered the full range of her romantic endeavors (completely out of order) and instead honing in on the lessons she wanted to impart. i also sound petty saying this, i'm aware, but one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone in a relationship talks about how great being single is, which is what the entire first chapter was dedicated to.
overall, i think this book could have benefited from being edited to an inch of its life, as another reviewer stated perfectly. one of my pet peeves is using the word "just" as a qualifier, and it was in what felt like every paragraph of this book. i love eli's content and online presence deeply, but the majority of this book read like a tiktok voiceover. i would have devoured this as a 19 year old that didn't even consider the guy who ignored me for days on end wasn't going to be my soulmate. as a 25 year old who has a firm education in the tinx school of dating, there wasn't much here for me.
December 27, 2023
1.5 - a nice message i guess but this was truly a white woman white womaning and saying the same thing over and over and over. also lowkey unrelatable
March 1, 2024
Kinda sad bc I genuinely really like Eli Rallo’s Instagram/Tik Tok content but I actually do not think I needed this book :( I will preface this with saying that there were many takes and sections that I thoroughly enjoyed, but I think that’s largely due to the fact that I am in the slim and incredibly specific audience and demographic that this book is meant for (so if you’re not a single girl in her early 20s dating around NYC I literally cannot imagine how you would tolerate even a second of this)
I found this to be a little too long and the writing was simply trying too hard to be flowery and “beautiful” in a way that made it pretty cringe. The smartest takes and best moments were small, and clearly all meant to be delivered in the form of a 3 min Tik Tok or Instagram video, not a 300 page book.
Ultimately, it was a little annoying to read a book from someone who kinda claims to have had all of these big revelations and have it all figured out when they’re literally only 25… She would go on about how different things were at 23 and I was like…. That was only 2 years ago, maybe we grow a little bit more before writing this very final-seeming explanation.
If you’re craving this kind of book, read Everything I Know About Love, you genuinely probably DO need that one.
I found this to be a little too long and the writing was simply trying too hard to be flowery and “beautiful” in a way that made it pretty cringe. The smartest takes and best moments were small, and clearly all meant to be delivered in the form of a 3 min Tik Tok or Instagram video, not a 300 page book.
Ultimately, it was a little annoying to read a book from someone who kinda claims to have had all of these big revelations and have it all figured out when they’re literally only 25… She would go on about how different things were at 23 and I was like…. That was only 2 years ago, maybe we grow a little bit more before writing this very final-seeming explanation.
If you’re craving this kind of book, read Everything I Know About Love, you genuinely probably DO need that one.
January 22, 2024
Stop giving white mid-20s women book deals why the hell do you think you have anything to add to society I’m sorry but why? I loved Eli on tiktok just sharing fun bits of her life, but a whole book shows how out of touch she is with reality. I am SICK OF WHITE WOMEN WRITING BOOKS ABOUT DATING. STOP. Also like you are way more interesting than your dating life? I can’t. I listened to this as an audio book which was narrated by Eli herself and it’s just made me so angry like talking about ghosting on the same level of importance of like something with WAY MORE IMPORTANCE like PLEASE THIS IS INSANE Okay that’s it I’m sorry if you see this Eli please I think you’re so much fun but this book was entirely unoriginal and I truly believe you have way more to say than just how to date people
This is the same way I feel towards Tinx and I will not be reading her book
Good bye
Also I was not the audience for this given I am with the LOML and plan to stay with him I didn’t read the blurb before o just thought it was like something about being in your 20s and her journey to tiktok fame or whatever
This is the same way I feel towards Tinx and I will not be reading her book
Good bye
Also I was not the audience for this given I am with the LOML and plan to stay with him I didn’t read the blurb before o just thought it was like something about being in your 20s and her journey to tiktok fame or whatever
December 8, 2023
"I Didn't Know I Needed This" by Eli Rallo is a fun book filled with advice for college aged students and 20-somethings alike. Within the book, Rallo creates lists of "rules" to follow when dating and finding yourself, that may be very helpful to young women who do not have an older sister or mother to tell them these things. However, the book is mostly anecdotes about the author’s life.
My main issues with the book were that the writing can be very choppy and repetitive at times, and some of the advice and anecdotes come off as immature. She also talks a lot about sex and her own sex life — which is fine if that’s something you want to read about.
Overall, this book would make a great gift for the college aged girl or 20-something in your life.
Thank you to the publisher & NetGalley for the ARC!
My main issues with the book were that the writing can be very choppy and repetitive at times, and some of the advice and anecdotes come off as immature. She also talks a lot about sex and her own sex life — which is fine if that’s something you want to read about.
Overall, this book would make a great gift for the college aged girl or 20-something in your life.
Thank you to the publisher & NetGalley for the ARC!
October 6, 2023
In this tender, vulnerable, funny debut, Eli Rallo gives us tips for first dates, fostering friendships, and falling in love with ourselves.
One of the most magical parts of this book is seeing Rallo’s evident love for prose. She strings together sentences with intentionality and reverence.
I was also surprised by how incredibly funny and witty the book was. I caught myself laughing and reading specific passages out loud to whoever was nearby.
Some may say I’m biased, and I will be the first to agree that I am. I am lucky to call Rallo a good friend, but I was surprised by how much I still learned about this incredible woman in this book. It’s essays; it’s self-help; it’s catchy to-do lists and everything in between. I, also, didn’t know I needed this.
One of the most magical parts of this book is seeing Rallo’s evident love for prose. She strings together sentences with intentionality and reverence.
I was also surprised by how incredibly funny and witty the book was. I caught myself laughing and reading specific passages out loud to whoever was nearby.
Some may say I’m biased, and I will be the first to agree that I am. I am lucky to call Rallo a good friend, but I was surprised by how much I still learned about this incredible woman in this book. It’s essays; it’s self-help; it’s catchy to-do lists and everything in between. I, also, didn’t know I needed this.
December 21, 2023
I would, with zero hesitation whatsoever, sell my soul to read this again for the first time. Frankly, I would read Eli’s grocery list. There is so much beauty and wisdom in this book, and the way Eli is able to capture all of the ups and downs of love and loss is just stunning. I knew I needed this book, and oh my gosh did it deliver. Everyone stop what you’re doing and read this immediately
February 3, 2024
Maybe this is harsh, because I do like Eli's content and think she has good intentions with this book, but ultimately this was just poorly organized and did not offer wisdom or takeaways I haven't already seen in #Girlboss Instagram quotes. It was really hard to get through 300 pages of run-on love and life advice from someone three years older than me. Also the amount of time the word "coquettish" was used...
January 15, 2024
It was a struggle to force myself to finish this book. I used to really like Eli, and while I think that some of her online content can be entertaining and that she has good intentions, nothing about her online presence translates well into a book. As a 24-year-old Gen Z, I don't think I even fall into the target audience for this book. I feel like this is a book for high school girls that have never been in a relationship. I probably would've loved this when I was 15. However, I don't think Eli, at 25, has lived enough life, or is even self-aware enough, to be writing a dating guide/essay collection. 95% of her advice is framed within the bubble of college, and she quite literally refers to her own advice as "bible" within the first few pages.
For starters, the incessant use of Gen Z/TikTok lingo doesn't translate well into a medium like a book, and it immediately dates her work in a very cringe way. It does nothing to regard her as a "serious writer" nor as "Carrie Bradshaw." It only gets worse by the fact that "coquettish" and "sticky" are the only two adjectives she uses throughout 200+ pages.
85% of this book is the same tired "dating rales" recycled into different phrases chapter after chapter. These recycled phrases both sound like they came off a 2013 Pinterest board and like she was trying to hit a word count: "Every ending is also a new beginning. Every new beginning is also, in some ways, and ending. Birth comes with death, and death comes with birth. Love comes with loss, and loss comes with love. Once we accept that the good never exists without the bad, the bad starts to look less bad." Literally WHO thought this deserved to be published on any medium other than Wattpad? There's also the fact that many of her rules are either common sense, absolutely toxic, or just plain stupid. "Don't be someone else's cup of tea when you can be a shot of tequila." What does that even mean? Why do I feel like she saw this written on a mug in T.J. Maxx and ran with it?
Literally every single chapter is about how Eli wanted something more from a man that did not feel the same, and it shattered her self-worth. While this a canon event for any young woman, Eli truly is not self-aware enough to actually be vulnerable in sharing her learnings. She cares more about talking about herself and her experiences than to look outside of herself or acknowledge any real roots that result in her insecurity. Even as she talks about her current relationship, you can tell that she places too much of her self-worth on her relationship status, which is incredibly contradictory to the thesis she's trying to make throughout this book.
Not everyone can be Carrie Bradshaw, and not everyone should try to be.
For starters, the incessant use of Gen Z/TikTok lingo doesn't translate well into a medium like a book, and it immediately dates her work in a very cringe way. It does nothing to regard her as a "serious writer" nor as "Carrie Bradshaw." It only gets worse by the fact that "coquettish" and "sticky" are the only two adjectives she uses throughout 200+ pages.
85% of this book is the same tired "dating rales" recycled into different phrases chapter after chapter. These recycled phrases both sound like they came off a 2013 Pinterest board and like she was trying to hit a word count: "Every ending is also a new beginning. Every new beginning is also, in some ways, and ending. Birth comes with death, and death comes with birth. Love comes with loss, and loss comes with love. Once we accept that the good never exists without the bad, the bad starts to look less bad." Literally WHO thought this deserved to be published on any medium other than Wattpad? There's also the fact that many of her rules are either common sense, absolutely toxic, or just plain stupid. "Don't be someone else's cup of tea when you can be a shot of tequila." What does that even mean? Why do I feel like she saw this written on a mug in T.J. Maxx and ran with it?
Literally every single chapter is about how Eli wanted something more from a man that did not feel the same, and it shattered her self-worth. While this a canon event for any young woman, Eli truly is not self-aware enough to actually be vulnerable in sharing her learnings. She cares more about talking about herself and her experiences than to look outside of herself or acknowledge any real roots that result in her insecurity. Even as she talks about her current relationship, you can tell that she places too much of her self-worth on her relationship status, which is incredibly contradictory to the thesis she's trying to make throughout this book.
Not everyone can be Carrie Bradshaw, and not everyone should try to be.
April 2, 2024
(2.75)
Disfruto mucho del contenido de Eli Rallo en TikTok (siento que seríamos buenas amigas), entonces más o menos sabía qué esperar de este libro.
Sí, a veces su privilegio es SÚPER notorio. También habla con mucha autoridad sobre algunas cosas cuando en realidad no ha experimentado mucho más que nosotras las lectoras. A veces me parecía que necesitaba un poco más de tiempo para madurar algunas ideas y un par de capítulos tenían bastante relleno… pero a veces me hizo llorar porque daba en el clavo de la manera en la que solo una amiga honesta puede hacerlo, también me hizo reír.
Al final, aunque en sí no aprendí algo en específico, it’s a fun book. Es chismear con una amiga con margaritas o una botella de vino de por medio, sin tapujos, sin sentir vergüenza por nuestras dudas y corazones rotos, riéndonos de citas fallidas, compartiendo las ilusiones para nuestro futuro, diciéndonos la una a la otra: “You got this”, aunque las dos estamos más o menos igual de perdidas (lol).
Disfruto mucho del contenido de Eli Rallo en TikTok (siento que seríamos buenas amigas), entonces más o menos sabía qué esperar de este libro.
Sí, a veces su privilegio es SÚPER notorio. También habla con mucha autoridad sobre algunas cosas cuando en realidad no ha experimentado mucho más que nosotras las lectoras. A veces me parecía que necesitaba un poco más de tiempo para madurar algunas ideas y un par de capítulos tenían bastante relleno… pero a veces me hizo llorar porque daba en el clavo de la manera en la que solo una amiga honesta puede hacerlo, también me hizo reír.
Al final, aunque en sí no aprendí algo en específico, it’s a fun book. Es chismear con una amiga con margaritas o una botella de vino de por medio, sin tapujos, sin sentir vergüenza por nuestras dudas y corazones rotos, riéndonos de citas fallidas, compartiendo las ilusiones para nuestro futuro, diciéndonos la una a la otra: “You got this”, aunque las dos estamos más o menos igual de perdidas (lol).
December 13, 2023
reviews for this book are all over the place from what i’ve seen - and i get why. it’s not for everyone in the way a lot of popular books are. this book gives the older sister advice in a variety of aspects of life (primarily dating). i felt like a lot of the book had lessons about being in the casual dating world (so it doesn’t relate to me which made it a bit hard to get through). the chapters on how to honour your life and friendships really resonated with me along with some of the authors own dating experiences which was nice. i did find the authors writing style to be really nice (although not for everyone) and i found the writing structure a bit hard to follow as some people come up multiple times so the timeline was a bit confusing for me. bottom line: i will read more by this author as i really like her perspectives and writing style. however, this book is not for everyone (probably best for single girls who have a decent amount of privilege)
November 7, 2023
I love Eli so much — she is so raw and vulnerable. The end of Part 2 and all of Part 3 were my favorites. There are some phenomenal lines and great advice throughout the book, and she is a fantastic writer — I felt like I was living bits and pieces of her life with her. I also loved the emphasis she places on friend and self love.
I found the book to be pretty repetitive, and the organization was quite confusing — the chapters bounced between different years and different people quickly and often. I’m also just not that into survival-guide-esque, self help books, which is a me problem and not a her problem. I’m also still in college and didn’t relate to many of the 20-something year old relationship/dating chapters, so they were a little less interesting to read.
I found the book to be pretty repetitive, and the organization was quite confusing — the chapters bounced between different years and different people quickly and often. I’m also just not that into survival-guide-esque, self help books, which is a me problem and not a her problem. I’m also still in college and didn’t relate to many of the 20-something year old relationship/dating chapters, so they were a little less interesting to read.
March 19, 2024
3.5 stars rounded up bc holy shit these reviews are harsh ??? Why are you picking up a book about the life cycle of dating, being single, having sex, and dealing with heartbreak as a middle aged religious purity culture woman? Obviously this book isn’t for you girlie <3
Anyways, I thought this was sweet and was a nice spring reminder to stay open and love big and cherish your friends. It wasn’t revolutionary and was a bit cliche and repetitive, but overall I would recommend it to a friend who is thinking about or actively dating.
Honestly, my biggest issue was how often the word coquette was used, once I started noticing I couldn’t stop xxx
Anyways, I thought this was sweet and was a nice spring reminder to stay open and love big and cherish your friends. It wasn’t revolutionary and was a bit cliche and repetitive, but overall I would recommend it to a friend who is thinking about or actively dating.
Honestly, my biggest issue was how often the word coquette was used, once I started noticing I couldn’t stop xxx
December 28, 2023
think of this as a complimentary 3 stars rather than a harsh one. I kind of had low expectations because I thought this was going to be very cheesy, but I could actually relate to it quite a bit and found some of the insight helpful. my main problem was that eli is in fact 25 and I feel like she hasn’t necessarily had enough life experience to give concrete advice on the ins and outs of love and life. better than expected, a solid read, but not one I would rave about
December 19, 2023
so many of the reviews for this book are just a) straight up mean and/or b) written by people who know they aren't the target audience for this book but are still shocked that they didn't enjoy it
seriously idk why the reviews for this are irritating me so much but they just are
this book felt like reading the diary of an older sister that i never had. the writing wasnt necessary poetic prose but more conversational; it really did feel like reading a diary and while that might not be objectively "good" writing it felt real and was easy to read and keep reading
the target audience for this book is very much girls in their late teens early 20s who arent sure if they're doing life right and that's me right now lol so as the target audience i had a good time and left feeling reassured that everything would be okay 🤷🏻♀️
seriously idk why the reviews for this are irritating me so much but they just are
this book felt like reading the diary of an older sister that i never had. the writing wasnt necessary poetic prose but more conversational; it really did feel like reading a diary and while that might not be objectively "good" writing it felt real and was easy to read and keep reading
the target audience for this book is very much girls in their late teens early 20s who arent sure if they're doing life right and that's me right now lol so as the target audience i had a good time and left feeling reassured that everything would be okay 🤷🏻♀️
December 11, 2023
This is a book that feels like a hug from a older sister. Someone who understands the dating culture we’re all struggling through, but who doesn’t know all the answers. While I think it’s true that what Eli lacks in life experience (being only 25 years old) she makes up for in vulnerability… I also think this would have been a better book if she waited a decade or so to write it. (I suppose then it would miss the generation it’s most intended for, though, so I’m torn).
What I know for sure is that it’s absolutely heartening to read someone’s literal dream come true. Eli Rallo is incredibly easy to root for, and my copy of her book is already well worn with underlined sentences and dog-eared pages that I’ll be texting photos of to my friends shortly. Worth the read!
What I know for sure is that it’s absolutely heartening to read someone’s literal dream come true. Eli Rallo is incredibly easy to root for, and my copy of her book is already well worn with underlined sentences and dog-eared pages that I’ll be texting photos of to my friends shortly. Worth the read!
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