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What's He Doing in There?
The Professor was congratulating Earth's first visitor from another planet on his wisdom in getting in touch with a cultural anthropologist before contacting any other scientists (or governments, God forbid!), and in learning English from radio and TV before landing from his orbit-parked rocket, when the Martian stood up and said hesitantly, "Excuse me, please, but where is it?" He was asking directions to the loo, as it happened. It was the Professor's Wife, always a perceptive hostess, came to her husband's rescue by saying, "Top of the stairs, end of the hall, last door." Oddly enough, it was the start of a puzzling and all but unspeakable misadventure. As it were.
18 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 1957
13 people are currently reading
96 people want to read
About the author
Fritz Leiber
1,225 books1,036 followersFritz Reuter Leiber Jr. was one of the more interesting of the young writers who came into HP Lovecraft's orbit, and some of his best early short fiction is horror rather than sf or fantasy. He found his mature voice early in the first of the sword-and-sorcery adventures featuring the large sensitive barbarian Fafhrd and the small street-smart-ish Gray Mouser; he returned to this series at various points in his career, using it sometimes for farce and sometimes for gloomy mood pieces--The Swords of Lankhmar is perhaps the best single volume of their adventures. Leiber's science fiction includes the planet-smashing The Wanderer in which a large cast mostly survive flood, fire, and the sexual attentions of feline aliens, and the satirical A Spectre is Haunting Texas in which a gangling, exo-skeleton-clad actor from the Moon leads a revolution and finds his true love. Leiber's late short fiction, and the fine horror novel Our Lady of Darkness, combine autobiographical issues like his struggle with depression and alcoholism with meditations on the emotional content of the fantastic genres. Leiber's capacity for endless self-reinvention and productive self-examination kept him, until his death, one of the most modern of his sf generation.
Used These Alternate Names: Maurice Breçon, Fric Lajber, Fritz Leiber, Jr., Fritz R. Leiber, Fritz Leiber Jun., Фриц Лейбер, F. Lieber, フリッツ・ライバー
Used These Alternate Names: Maurice Breçon, Fric Lajber, Fritz Leiber, Jr., Fritz R. Leiber, Fritz Leiber Jun., Фриц Лейбер, F. Lieber, フリッツ・ライバー
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
September 16, 2019
A humorous first contact story
Review of free Kindle edition
Publication date: March 24, 2011
Language: English
ASIN: B004TPZE3K
18 pages
This is one of Fritz Leiber's funniest and best known stories. It was published in the December, 1957 issue of GALAXY magazine and I suppose has been in print somewhere for a good bit of the time since. The only dated science is that the alien is a Martian but where he is from is inconsequential to the story. The humor is in the cultural misunderstanding in this first contact story.
For those unfamiliar with Leiber here is a quote from Wikipedia, "Fritz Reuter Leiber, Jr. (December 24, 1910 – September 5, 1992) was an American writer of fantasy, horror, and science fiction. He was also a poet, actor in theater and films, playwright and chess expert. With writers such as Robert E. Howard and Michael Moorcock, Leiber can be regarded as one of the fathers of sword and sorcery fantasy, having in fact created the term. Moreover, he excelled in all fields of speculative fiction, writing award-winning work in fantasy, horror, and science fiction."
From an introduction he wrote, I learned that he was a fencer and knowledgeable about different swords. He was not a fan of the U.S. Model 1913, "Patton" sabre. I believe he said that it might be useful for toasting marshmallows.
I downloaded this story via Kindle Unlimited.
Review of free Kindle edition
Publication date: March 24, 2011
Language: English
ASIN: B004TPZE3K
18 pages
This is one of Fritz Leiber's funniest and best known stories. It was published in the December, 1957 issue of GALAXY magazine and I suppose has been in print somewhere for a good bit of the time since. The only dated science is that the alien is a Martian but where he is from is inconsequential to the story. The humor is in the cultural misunderstanding in this first contact story.
For those unfamiliar with Leiber here is a quote from Wikipedia, "Fritz Reuter Leiber, Jr. (December 24, 1910 – September 5, 1992) was an American writer of fantasy, horror, and science fiction. He was also a poet, actor in theater and films, playwright and chess expert. With writers such as Robert E. Howard and Michael Moorcock, Leiber can be regarded as one of the fathers of sword and sorcery fantasy, having in fact created the term. Moreover, he excelled in all fields of speculative fiction, writing award-winning work in fantasy, horror, and science fiction."
From an introduction he wrote, I learned that he was a fencer and knowledgeable about different swords. He was not a fan of the U.S. Model 1913, "Patton" sabre. I believe he said that it might be useful for toasting marshmallows.
I downloaded this story via Kindle Unlimited.
August 13, 2016
A fun short story from Fritz Leiber about Earth's first alien visitor and his visit to the toilet.
Though his prose may sound a bit dated and run-on to our modern ears, I still can't stop enjoying it.
Plus, as a cultural anthropology bachelor's degree holder, I appreciate his first sentence: "The Professor was congratulating Earth's first visitor from another planet on his wisdom in getting in touch with a cultural anthropologist before contacting any other scientists (or governments, God forbid!), and in learning English from radio and TV before landing from his orbit-parked rocket..."
Though his prose may sound a bit dated and run-on to our modern ears, I still can't stop enjoying it.
Plus, as a cultural anthropology bachelor's degree holder, I appreciate his first sentence: "The Professor was congratulating Earth's first visitor from another planet on his wisdom in getting in touch with a cultural anthropologist before contacting any other scientists (or governments, God forbid!), and in learning English from radio and TV before landing from his orbit-parked rocket..."
March 1, 2025
🖊
This was a humorous short story about a Martian visiting an Earth family and spending a bit too much time behind a closed door. This was fun science fiction from The Golden Age of Science Fiction.
📕Published — Galaxy Science Fiction, Vol. 15, No. 2, December 1957.
🎨Illustrated.
જ⁀ 🍋 Read on Project Gutenberg.
જ⁀🍇 Kindle.
༻ ༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻ ༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻ ༺
He went where no Martian ever went before—but would he come out—or had he gone for good?
This was a humorous short story about a Martian visiting an Earth family and spending a bit too much time behind a closed door. This was fun science fiction from The Golden Age of Science Fiction.
📕Published — Galaxy Science Fiction, Vol. 15, No. 2, December 1957.
🎨Illustrated.
જ⁀ 🍋 Read on Project Gutenberg.
જ⁀🍇 Kindle.
༻ ༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻ ༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻༺ ༅ ✬ ༅ ༻ ༺
August 20, 2021
Fantasy listening
A will written fantasy Sci-Fi space opera adventure novella with interesting will developed characters. A Martian visits a family and goes into the bathroom 🚻and stays in there all night 🌙. When the Martian comes out in the morning, he ask where the family slept? I would recommend this novella to anyone looking for a quick read or listen 🎶. Enjoy the adventure of reading or listening 2021
Alexa reads to me due to eye damage and issues from shingles. Stay safe
A will written fantasy Sci-Fi space opera adventure novella with interesting will developed characters. A Martian visits a family and goes into the bathroom 🚻and stays in there all night 🌙. When the Martian comes out in the morning, he ask where the family slept? I would recommend this novella to anyone looking for a quick read or listen 🎶. Enjoy the adventure of reading or listening 2021
Alexa reads to me due to eye damage and issues from shingles. Stay safe
January 28, 2022
cute Martian story short
I really liked this one. It’s short so I can’t tell much. But a funny misunderstanding between a Martian and his “hosting” family. This was a free download on Amazon
I really liked this one. It’s short so I can’t tell much. But a funny misunderstanding between a Martian and his “hosting” family. This was a free download on Amazon
August 10, 2023
Well told tale with a nice twist
An interesting story told with fetching humor and charm. The author unfolds this light-hearted cautionary tale about the perils inherent in attempting to establish cross-cultural communications.
An interesting story told with fetching humor and charm. The author unfolds this light-hearted cautionary tale about the perils inherent in attempting to establish cross-cultural communications.
October 12, 2019
Answer: sleeping
November 5, 2020
Cute little story about an alien's first contact with Earthlings...asking where's the bathroom!
August 22, 2021
Sci Fi with a touch of humor.
August 31, 2021
Wonderful short story
Quick read, quirky characters, a look at cultural differences and a delightful ending. Smile and enjoy this gem from Fritz Leiber.
Quick read, quirky characters, a look at cultural differences and a delightful ending. Smile and enjoy this gem from Fritz Leiber.
March 23, 2016
Clever. In terms of scifi I always expect social commentary but the end of this was not what I expected. Funny though.
July 12, 2016
A humorous little story.
November 11, 2016
What indeed?
An amusing take on cultural (in)competence that asks how to be a gracious host to a visitor from Mars, from the eminent SF writer Fritz Leiber.
An amusing take on cultural (in)competence that asks how to be a gracious host to a visitor from Mars, from the eminent SF writer Fritz Leiber.
May 22, 2023
Audiobook, raised to 3.5
March 12, 2013
Don't pass up this amazing short story it's currently free on iBooks.
April 22, 2017
Somehow, this story made me think of Michael Valentine Smith and sharing water. Great little take.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews