The Other Side of Love: Handling Anger in a Godly Way

by Gary Chapman

Anger is a universal human experience. For many of us, it is the single
greatest challenge in every area of our lives. We have been taught that
anger itself is a sin and should be avoided at all costs. However, anger
is also understood to be nature s way of preparing man to respond in
times of danger. How then do we go about bringing this volatile emotion
under the Lordship of Jesus Christ?

Gary Chapman gives us the perfect tool to answer this and many other
questions in The Other Side of Love. In this book, he takes a fresh look
at the origin and purpose of anger. Asserting that anger is rooted in the
holy nature of God, he reverently explains that anger flows from God s
holiness and love.

Gary Chapman draws on his extensive counseling experience to instruct us
how to positively process our anger. This will help us to create and
further cultivate healthy relationships. Helpful study questions for group
or personal use conclude each chapter.

Don t let anger get the best of you. Victory begins with understanding.
Now is the time to make this critical investment in your walk with Christ.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Marriage, Self Help, Relationships, Christian, Counselling

183 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have ever read. It was very positive, practical and enlightening.
When we were engaged my mom took us and Bill and Jessamy to Gary Chapman's Toward a Growing Marriage conference in Temple and she bought this book then. Handling anger has never been one of my strengths and then after having Gloria and not sleeping and have a 'strong-willed' two year, it became a bit of an issue, so I finally read this.
He (who is very funny too) says we get angry because we are made in the image of God and it is our response to wrong, so anger itself is not bad, only how we handle it. The point of anger is for us to take positive loving action. Then there are two types of anger-valid (diminutive-someone really sins against you) and distorted (only a perceived wrong)-this was really eye opening to me on how to see my anger because much of what I get angry at is someone just being human not intentionally sinning against me. He gives lots of step by steps on anger in different situations (I am going to outline the ones that meant the most to me)
How to Handle Anger
1-Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry
2-Restrain your immediate response
3-Locate the focus of your anger
4-Analyze your options
5-Take constructive action
Processing Distorted Anger (with another)
1-Share info
2-Gather info
3-Negotiate understanding
4-(optional) request change
Dealing with Anger Toward your Spouse
1-Acknowledge anger
2-Agree to acknowledge that to each other
3-Agree that verbal or physical explosions are not appropriate
4-Agree to seek an explanation before passing judgement
5-Agree to seek a resolution
6-Agree to affirm your love for each other
Teaching your Children to deal with Anger
1-Model proper behavior
2-Take an active role in guiding them through their own anger
3-Give instruction
When you are Angry at yourself
1-Acknowledge your anger
2-Examine your anger
3-Confess any wrongdoing to God and accept His forgiveness
4-Choose to forgive yourself
5-Focus on positive action
When you are Angry at God
1-Take the anger to God
2-Listen to God's message
3-Report for further duty
How to respond to an Angry Person (first steps great for dealing with kids) Wrong responses-cap it, mirror the behavior
1, 2, 3-Listen
4-Seek to understand
5-Express your understanding (I would be angry too...)
6-Share any additional info that may shed light on the subject
7-(if you've wronged) confess any wrongdoing and perform restitution.

[Jonathan Friedmann · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book to start thinking and talking about anger problems, but It wasn't as helpful or revolutionary as I was hoping for. Ultimately, rather unremberable.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book. Some of the concepts were not new to me but I gleaned so much from what the writer presented! I highly recommend this book for anyone who has a relationship with a human.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite enlightening! I had a couple breakthroughs while reading this.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been searching for resources for a while on how to deal with anger in a godly way. I've realized over the past year or so that it's an issue for me. This book was truly a Godsend.
We all have stuff in our lives: pain from childhood, pain from disappointments and losses; and few, if any, of us grew up with parents that knew how to deal with their own negative emotions in a healthy way (which, in turn, served as a poor model, if not a vacuum, for many of us as we grew into adulthood). This statement is not meant to shame anyone, but rather acknowledge the reality that many of us didn't have the tools to process anger and negative emotions, as generations before us often did not learn these tools either (this creating a vicious cycle). This book truly helped me begin the process of exploring the roots of my own anger, and speak honestly with the Lord and with myself about what I'm feeling and why-- so I can process these feelings in a healthy way. As the scriptures say repeatedly: "Be angry, but sin not".
If you have ever wondered about how to deal with your own anger in a breakthrough way and from a godly perspective, I highly recommend this book as a starting place in your own healing journey. ❤

[Barbara Tsipouras · Rating 4 out of 5]

Das Thema dieses Buches ist auf jeden Fall sehr wichtig und betrifft uns alle und jeder kann im Umgang mit eigenem Ärger oder dem Ärger anderer noch dazulernen. Die hier dargestellten Tipps sind plausibel, die Fallbeispiele wirklichkeitsnah und nachvollziehbar. Auch die biblischen Bezüge sind fundiert.
Insgesamt scheint dies ein gangbarer Weg zu sein, Ärger positiv zu verarbeiten. Ob sich aber die Tipps in der Praxis auch umsetzen lassen, hängt wohl stark vom Einzelnen ab sowie von seinem jeweiligen Gegenüber.
Was mich persönlich etwas gestört hat, waren die Kurzzusammenfassungen am Ende jedes Kapitels sowie die Anregungen für Gruppendiskussionen. Das mag für Kleingruppen durchaus hilfreich sein, hemmt aber den Lesefluss, wenn man wie ich das Buch "an einem Stück" lesen möchte. Vielleicht ist es aber auch praktisch, wenn man nur kurz etwas noch einmal nachlesen möchte.

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are many points that I agree with and will use with my family members… however, the ability to forgive those who have hurt you, outside of those that you choose to accept back into your life, does not mean that you have to accept all that you have forgiven. I have been in relationships that I am working towards forgiveness, for myself and for them, but I can guarantee that they will not be a part of my life now or in the future when I get to that point in my process. So understand if a person is detrimental to your life they can be forgiven but they should not be allowed back to commit the same offenses. This does not mean that I will not send to that higher power positive thoughts that they will get better and get the help they need.

[Michael Toleno · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this as part of a book study for a home fellowship group through my church. Since it was over 22 years ago, I have little memory of the book. It gave some good biblical perspectives about anger, but I recall that I was often not comfortable with how the author handled scripture and drew conclusions and applications from it. I'm not a big fan of Gary Chapman and find his perspectives in general to be questionable, exemplified by the book 5 Love Languages and related materials.

[Joelen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another book we purchased upon attending a marriage conference where Dr. Gary Chapman facilitated. For me, it helped me handle conflicts not only in marriage but in personal and professional relationships.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. It is very powerful.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for everyone. I learn and am challenged each time I read this book.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good biblical perspective on anger and how to handle it in a righteous way.

[Mollieanderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helps you pull out and analyze why you feel angry and wise actions to take to resolve it. I love his viewpoint.

[Shannon Zirkle-prabhakar]

I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/12977049