This book as written by Cecil B. DeMille.
Enter TAITA, dark haired, gorgeous, excellent physique, good at everything.
TAITA: I am a eunuch. but you can't tell, because i do weight-lifting every day.
TAITA postures significantly. His expression is sombre, profound, behind his back the nile flows, a crocodile ambles out of the bushes.
Enter LOSTRIS, nubile and gorgeous, dressed in saffron. [director's note: for God's sake, increase her age to 18, not even Game of Thrones got away with sexually portraying a 14-year-old girl]
LOSTRIS: I am Lady Lostris, daughter of the Evil grand Vizier! I curse my luck for having been born so beautiful, so accomplished, and so utterly implausible,the daughter of a stereotypic villain! but I rely wholly on my friend and teacher Taita, who cannot be accused of pedophilia, having been incapacitated in adolescence.
Suddenly enter TANUS, big and blond, holds out his arms to LOSTRIS, his arms full of longing.
LOSTRIS: Oh, Tanus!
TANUS: Oh, Lostris!
The two clutch each other in their arms.
TANUS: I love you, Lostris!
LOSTRIS: I Love you, Tanus, but we cannot marry, because my stereotypical evil vizier father hates you, and will kill you! But it will be all right, because TAITA will fix it with his many awesome skills and magical clairvoyance.
Enter INTEF and PHARAOH, concealing themselves in the corner, their faces in shadow, connive.
INTEF: Oh, Pharaoh, in among all my other villainous schemes, I have found the time to propose that you marry my beautiful nubile daughter. Oh, by the way, if you could kill off Tanus for me? That'd be great, thanks.
[Ominous music sounds as the wedding scene unfolds with at least three thousand extras, we can reuse the set of Cleopatra for that, or something]
LOSTRIS: I want to die!
LOSTRIS clutches a dagger in her shapely white hands, poising it dramatically over her throat - this is not in the book, but it makes good cinema.
TAITA: My Lady! I can predict the future! I predict immense grossing at the film release! Please do not die! Also, I predict thatin five years you will be a convenient widow.
LOSTRIS: Okay!
TANUS and TAITA ride through a wind-swept desert, in the background, military march sounds. Enter a squad of ROBBERS, and a fight scene ensues. TANUS in close-shot, with his face set in determination, sword stabbing into an adversary, TAITA, in close shot, his face sombre. The ROBBERS are defeated.
TANUS: Lord Pharaoh, we found the head of the bandits!
PHARAOH: You did? Crap! I wanted you to die! Well, okay, who is it?
TANUS points a ponderous finger at INTEF while drumrolls beat in the background. INTEF is dragged off and executed [plan for an additional three thousand extras here].
LOSTRIS: Tanus....
TANUS: Lostris....
Fade to black.
PHARAOH: I have a son!
[dies]
For the next twenty years things develop exactly as you would expect them to.
TANUS: Luke, I am your father!
The End.
Reviewer's Note: The book would not take much adjustment in order to make such a film. In fact, the writing is evocative of ponderous Hollywood close-up shots, emotional drama with all the most cliched loves, temperaments, betrayals and twists (who didn't see the issue of Lord Intef vis-a-vis the robbers coming?) and characters that are FABULOUS, with all caps.
I struggled through it, I am still not sure how.