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Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal
Enthusiastically praised by everyone from Deepak Chopra to Daniel Goleman to Larry Dossey, Rachel Remen has a unique perspective on healing rooted in her background as a prominent physician, a professor of medicine, a therapist, and a long-term survivor of chronic illness. In the form of a deeply moving and down-to-earth collection of true stories, this prominent physician shows us life in all its power and mystery and reminds us that the things we cannot measure may be the things that ultimately sustain and enrich our lives. Kitchen Table Wisdom addresses spiritual issues: suffering, meaning, love, faith, courage and miracles in the language and absolute authority of our own life experience.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
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About the author
Rachel Naomi Remen
37 books311 followersRachel Naomi Remen is one of the earliest pioneers in the mind/body holistic health movement and the first to recognize the role of the spirit in health and the recovery from illness. She is Co-Founder and Medical Director of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program featured in the Bill Moyers PBS series, Healing and the Mind and has cared for people with cancer and their families for almost 30 years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 626 reviews
February 10, 2009
When I originally wrote a review of this book I neglected to mention what it is that Dr. Remen does. She is a medical doctor who works as a counselor to cancer patients. This book is a series of stories about the counseling, a kind of lessons learned book. This is what I wrote: The stories are complex, beautiful, painful, affecting, intense. It bothered me for a while that this Jewish woman is teaching a philosophy of wholeness when she is not observant in her own religion. I recognized her achievements, but felt some reservation. After I read her account of the Vietnamese woman all my negative judgement fell away. Dr. Remen is who she is, she does and has done great good in this world, she listened to this woman, really listened and was not destroyed by it. In fact, the woman was helped. I feel great respect for Dr. Remen. These are her words, "So sometimes, before I see a patient I offer up a little wordless prayer: Understanding the suffering is beyond me. Understanding the healing is too. But in this moment, I am here. Use me."
October 28, 2007
I loved this book. I have it out from the library and I keep renewing it so that I can re-read my favorite parts. It is a compilation of short stories and insights written by a medical doctor that works as a counsellor.
Kitchen Table Wisdom shares a story called The Container which I first heard in the Primary Broadcast in January 2003 in a talk by Gayle M. Clegg. I would have read this book long ago if I had checked the source of the container story in her talk. The whole book is filled with stories and wisdom. I'll share one story.
The Task Gets Between Us is a story about a man who enjoys mountain climbing with his son until he (the dad) becomes ill and can no longer climb mountains. The father describes the change in his relationship with his son:
"I can't do much just now, so we sit and talk. I ask him about his life and how he feels about it. For the first time I know what is important to him, what sort of a man he is, what keeps him going. And I talk to him too. I know now that I am important to him, that he wants to spend time with me and not because we can do physical things together. Sometimes we just sit together, being alive. The mountain got between us before. I had not known that."
For me this was a good reminder that quality time is about relating to each other.
Kitchen Table Wisdom shares a story called The Container which I first heard in the Primary Broadcast in January 2003 in a talk by Gayle M. Clegg. I would have read this book long ago if I had checked the source of the container story in her talk. The whole book is filled with stories and wisdom. I'll share one story.
The Task Gets Between Us is a story about a man who enjoys mountain climbing with his son until he (the dad) becomes ill and can no longer climb mountains. The father describes the change in his relationship with his son:
"I can't do much just now, so we sit and talk. I ask him about his life and how he feels about it. For the first time I know what is important to him, what sort of a man he is, what keeps him going. And I talk to him too. I know now that I am important to him, that he wants to spend time with me and not because we can do physical things together. Sometimes we just sit together, being alive. The mountain got between us before. I had not known that."
For me this was a good reminder that quality time is about relating to each other.
July 29, 2018
When I first read this, years ago, I wrote this short review:
I'll keep this forever. I reread it from time to time, and it makes me feel like if I ever get sick or am grieving over health issues, this book will keep me strong. It does make me cry, but you just have to love Dr. Remen. What a beautiful spirit she has.
Well, I just reread it, and I found even more in this book to treasure. Dr. Remen has suffered greatly from Crohn's Disease, which both hurt and enlightened her. As she says in the Foreword, "Suffering - whether physical, emotional, spiritual, or as often the case, all three - can be a doorway to transformation." Whether because of or in spite of her illness, she has a generous and intelligent mind, seemingly an old soul, and she has much wisdom to share.
As a woman just turned 60, I found much that is relevant now, in the second half of my life. Here are some examples:
"Life-threatening illness may cause us to reexamine the very premises on which we have based our lives, perhaps freeing ourselves to live more fully for the first time." and
"The willingness to consider possibility requires a tolerance of uncertainty...there may be more to life than the mind can understand."
What an uplifting, inspiring book. I will keep it forever.
I'll keep this forever. I reread it from time to time, and it makes me feel like if I ever get sick or am grieving over health issues, this book will keep me strong. It does make me cry, but you just have to love Dr. Remen. What a beautiful spirit she has.
Well, I just reread it, and I found even more in this book to treasure. Dr. Remen has suffered greatly from Crohn's Disease, which both hurt and enlightened her. As she says in the Foreword, "Suffering - whether physical, emotional, spiritual, or as often the case, all three - can be a doorway to transformation." Whether because of or in spite of her illness, she has a generous and intelligent mind, seemingly an old soul, and she has much wisdom to share.
As a woman just turned 60, I found much that is relevant now, in the second half of my life. Here are some examples:
"Life-threatening illness may cause us to reexamine the very premises on which we have based our lives, perhaps freeing ourselves to live more fully for the first time." and
"The willingness to consider possibility requires a tolerance of uncertainty...there may be more to life than the mind can understand."
What an uplifting, inspiring book. I will keep it forever.
May 29, 2012
Cleaning out my book shelves, I ran into my copy of Kitchen Table Wisdom. I remember loving it and had to skim it again to recall exactly why. Rachel Naomi Remen is a beautiful human being who believes we find healing in our own life stories.
Here is an example of what I love about this book: Remen tells a story of going to her grandfather to learn whether or not God would forget her....
"What he said was, "Nischuma-la" ["Little Beloved Soul]... He said, "if you wake up at night, would you know if you were alone in the house? Would you know if Mom and Dad had gone out to the movies if you wake up in the dark at night?" And I said, "Sure!" Then he said, "How would you know that you weren't alone in the house? Would you see them and look at them?" I said, "No." He said, "Would you hear them? Is that how you'd know?" I said, "No." He said, "Would they talk to you? Is that how you would know?" I said, "No," and I remember thinking, "How odd. He's asking stupid questions like a grown-up," because my grandfather never did that. I said with irritation, "No - I would just know. I would just know that I wasn't alone in the house."
"My grandfather smiled at me with great love and said, "Good. That's how God knows you're there. He doesn't need to look at you. And that's how you know that God is there. You just know." In remembering this, I realized for the first time that perhaps this was what prayer was - that knowing. That's how you pray, by that knowing. You know that God is there and you're not alone in the house.
"So, this knowing is a way in which I orient myself. I know which way is up and which way down. It's as profound, as deep and unconscious, as gravity's impact on every cell in my body. I am held by the Infinite in the same way I am held by the Earth."
Here is an example of what I love about this book: Remen tells a story of going to her grandfather to learn whether or not God would forget her....
"What he said was, "Nischuma-la" ["Little Beloved Soul]... He said, "if you wake up at night, would you know if you were alone in the house? Would you know if Mom and Dad had gone out to the movies if you wake up in the dark at night?" And I said, "Sure!" Then he said, "How would you know that you weren't alone in the house? Would you see them and look at them?" I said, "No." He said, "Would you hear them? Is that how you'd know?" I said, "No." He said, "Would they talk to you? Is that how you would know?" I said, "No," and I remember thinking, "How odd. He's asking stupid questions like a grown-up," because my grandfather never did that. I said with irritation, "No - I would just know. I would just know that I wasn't alone in the house."
"My grandfather smiled at me with great love and said, "Good. That's how God knows you're there. He doesn't need to look at you. And that's how you know that God is there. You just know." In remembering this, I realized for the first time that perhaps this was what prayer was - that knowing. That's how you pray, by that knowing. You know that God is there and you're not alone in the house.
"So, this knowing is a way in which I orient myself. I know which way is up and which way down. It's as profound, as deep and unconscious, as gravity's impact on every cell in my body. I am held by the Infinite in the same way I am held by the Earth."
February 26, 2008
Rachel Naomi Remen, is an intelligent, compassionate woman, with a keen since of observation, and a memory to be envied, (at least by this fifty-nine year old). She has a list of life’s events, that perhaps, had caused a pause and reflection early on in her human journey. In her interaction with cancer patients she has counseled, she experienced many touching and poignant situations. She shares these stories with insightful commentary, and compassionate wisdom. The stories are reflective, in that when we are put in dire situations, we have choices, but may not not be aware of them all. These stories are about finding our choices, and sometimes seeing the positive in what we thought was negative. They are about living life, and what we find to be the truly important items when presented with a grave event in life. Ms. Remen is a wonderful story teller. I think every doctor should read this book. I would not recommend reading this book in public. Reading it made my eyes . . . moist, more than once. (Don’t tell the guys).
December 7, 2021
I've been reading this book for the past 2 years, kind of saving it for the times things got tough. It was a source of great comfort and hope.
February 28, 2024
Wonderful stories of people facing death.
A few quotes:
"The relationships in which we are truly seen and heard are holy relationships. They remind us of our value as human beings. They give us strength to go on. Eventually they may even help us transform our pain into wisdom."
"Over time, our vulnerability may become our strength, our fear may develop our courage, and our woundedness may be the road to our integrity."
"Most people have come to prefer certain of life's experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the things that come wrapped in plain or even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all cost, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk, we often cheat ourselves of discovery; in denying our suffering, we may never know our strength or greatness."
"Becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy."
"One of the blessings of growing older is the discovery that many of the things I once believed to be my shortcomings have turned out in the long run to be my strengths, and other things of which I was unduly proud have revealed themselves in the end to be among my shortcomings. What a blessing it is to outlive your self-judgments and harvest your failures."
A few quotes:
"The relationships in which we are truly seen and heard are holy relationships. They remind us of our value as human beings. They give us strength to go on. Eventually they may even help us transform our pain into wisdom."
"Over time, our vulnerability may become our strength, our fear may develop our courage, and our woundedness may be the road to our integrity."
"Most people have come to prefer certain of life's experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the things that come wrapped in plain or even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all cost, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk, we often cheat ourselves of discovery; in denying our suffering, we may never know our strength or greatness."
"Becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy."
"One of the blessings of growing older is the discovery that many of the things I once believed to be my shortcomings have turned out in the long run to be my strengths, and other things of which I was unduly proud have revealed themselves in the end to be among my shortcomings. What a blessing it is to outlive your self-judgments and harvest your failures."
February 1, 2015
I think I finished this book so I could write a review. There are some really beautiful stories in here and the author is best when she relates what others have seen and marveled about. I highlighted several passages that I will continue to refer to and that were very meaningful to me. However, the book has one of those red flags of memoirs--the author never makes a mistake. That gets to be grating. You get the feeling that she comes jangling in with flowing jewelry, sand tables and candles and sets the world to its mystical rights. I related to her perfectionism and desire to break away from that, and I empathized with her physical limitations, but I think that the book would have been richer had it contained some more angst after she began to search out complimentary medicine.
March 25, 2023
I’m beyond grateful that I took Healer’s Art and that the faculty gifted us with this book at the end of our course. Kitchen Table Wisdom is something I’m sharing with all my friends and classmates and is something I’ll continually revisit throughout my next few years in school and hopefully the rest of my career. These are lessons on healing and death that I want to carry for the rest of my life.
September 24, 2023
The fact that it took me 6 months to read this book is a sign in itself. Good content but overall meh
December 3, 2013
Far and away one of the most important books I will read in my lifetime. How did I not read this sooner? Thing is, had I read it in my twenties, I may not have understood or appreciated what Rachel Remen has to say in this book about, well, life. I'm thinking of getting this book for all the women on my Christmas list; it's certainly a book to have around for the rest of one's life as it will always be applicable. As always, here are some favorite excerpts:
pg. 142: "The Fijians are aware of a basic human law. We all influence one another. We are a part of each other's reality. There is no such thing as passing someone and not acknowledging your moment of connection, not letting others know their effect on you and seeing yours on them. For Fijians, connection is natural, just the way the world is made. Here, we pass each other with out lights out as ships in the night." (this passage comes after the author explains the difference between strangers passing each other on the street in Fiji, as opposed to NYC. An extremely profound and charming anecdote, indeed.)
pg. 148: "Becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy. The part in us that feels suffering is the same part that feels joy." Oh, how wonderful this sentence is. How wonderful that this sentence is also so very, very true.
pg. 158: "Many people live their lives this way, sharing homes, jobs, and even families with others, but not connecting. It is possible to be lonely in the midst of family, in your own home. Too often we even practice medicine in this way. Side by side, patient and physician focus on the disease, the symptoms, the treatments, never seeing or knowing each other. The problem gets in the way and we are each alone."
pg. 166: "All lives touch many others. Sometimes this network is very large, sometimes small, but somewhere in it a certain quality of love is needed if we are to be able to survive. It is not a question of numbers. Sometimes it can given by only one person. I often ask patients where the love that has sustained them has come from. For one man, the child of an abusive and alcoholic family, it was his dog."
Here's the kicker for me, pg. 172: "There is a fundamental paradox here. The less we are attached to life, the more alive we can become. The less we have preferences about life, the more deeply we can experience and participate in life. This is not to say that I don't prefer raisin toast to blueberry muffins. It is to say that I don't prefer raisin toast so much that I am unwilling to get out of bed unless I can have raisin toast, or that the absence of raisin toast ruins the whole day. Embracing life may be more about tasting that it is about either raisin toast or blueberry muffins. More about trusting one's ability to take joy in the newness of the day and what it may bring. More about adventure than having your own way."
pg. 211: "Perhaps there is a way to "tend" life, a way to grow despite difficulties and limitations." (After the story about helping patients through plants).
pg. 217: "Everyone alive has suffered. It is the wisdom gained from our wounds and from our own experiences of suffering that makes us able to heal."
Another kicker, pg. 223: ""Broken" may be only a stage in a process. A bud is not a broken rose. Only lifeless things are broken. Perhaps the unique process which is a human being is never over. Even at death. In our instinctive attachments, our fear of change, and our wish for certainty and permanence, we may undercut the impermanence which is our greatest strength, our most fundamental identity. Without impermanence, there is no process. The nature of life is change. All hope is based on progress." (this after the most amazingly profound story of a gift the author's father gave her when she was 13; a gift she felt so very undeserving of.)
pg. 142: "The Fijians are aware of a basic human law. We all influence one another. We are a part of each other's reality. There is no such thing as passing someone and not acknowledging your moment of connection, not letting others know their effect on you and seeing yours on them. For Fijians, connection is natural, just the way the world is made. Here, we pass each other with out lights out as ships in the night." (this passage comes after the author explains the difference between strangers passing each other on the street in Fiji, as opposed to NYC. An extremely profound and charming anecdote, indeed.)
pg. 148: "Becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy. The part in us that feels suffering is the same part that feels joy." Oh, how wonderful this sentence is. How wonderful that this sentence is also so very, very true.
pg. 158: "Many people live their lives this way, sharing homes, jobs, and even families with others, but not connecting. It is possible to be lonely in the midst of family, in your own home. Too often we even practice medicine in this way. Side by side, patient and physician focus on the disease, the symptoms, the treatments, never seeing or knowing each other. The problem gets in the way and we are each alone."
pg. 166: "All lives touch many others. Sometimes this network is very large, sometimes small, but somewhere in it a certain quality of love is needed if we are to be able to survive. It is not a question of numbers. Sometimes it can given by only one person. I often ask patients where the love that has sustained them has come from. For one man, the child of an abusive and alcoholic family, it was his dog."
Here's the kicker for me, pg. 172: "There is a fundamental paradox here. The less we are attached to life, the more alive we can become. The less we have preferences about life, the more deeply we can experience and participate in life. This is not to say that I don't prefer raisin toast to blueberry muffins. It is to say that I don't prefer raisin toast so much that I am unwilling to get out of bed unless I can have raisin toast, or that the absence of raisin toast ruins the whole day. Embracing life may be more about tasting that it is about either raisin toast or blueberry muffins. More about trusting one's ability to take joy in the newness of the day and what it may bring. More about adventure than having your own way."
pg. 211: "Perhaps there is a way to "tend" life, a way to grow despite difficulties and limitations." (After the story about helping patients through plants).
pg. 217: "Everyone alive has suffered. It is the wisdom gained from our wounds and from our own experiences of suffering that makes us able to heal."
Another kicker, pg. 223: ""Broken" may be only a stage in a process. A bud is not a broken rose. Only lifeless things are broken. Perhaps the unique process which is a human being is never over. Even at death. In our instinctive attachments, our fear of change, and our wish for certainty and permanence, we may undercut the impermanence which is our greatest strength, our most fundamental identity. Without impermanence, there is no process. The nature of life is change. All hope is based on progress." (this after the most amazingly profound story of a gift the author's father gave her when she was 13; a gift she felt so very undeserving of.)
July 6, 2011
I enjoyed this book but not as much as another I had read by a doctor on the power of prayer. I wanted more from this book. More detail as to what she really does in a session. I wanted a bit more depth so I could learn for my self what she does and how she approaches her practice. That is why I gave it 4 stars, others may find it perfect and love it as is. The shortness of each chapter makes it easy to read with out feeling overwhelmed at each topic.
What I did find interesting was the concept that Doctors do not understand death. It brought to mind a quote by the Prophet Joseph Smith that the most important thing we could study and learn is death. Here are some of the brightest minds, people with great skill, and deal daily with the sick and wounded and they do not understand death. When I thought about it I realized the truth of the statement. As a nurse death and treating the sick and dying was a daily task. The only time doctors were present at a death was in an emergency situation, someone brought in by ambulance, or a crisis on the operating table. Otherwise, for the chronically ill it was and is nurses and family members that are present at the time of death. Nurses live with it, we go home haunted by it and it becomes a fabric of our being because we learn quickly that death is not always preventible. We are taught to bring dignity to those that are dying and try to give comfort in the best way we can. Doctors often feel that death means they failed, and that should not be the case.
I appreciated her journey of self awareness of what her gifts and talents really are. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Not just to learn wisdom, but to understand that Doctors and medical personnel are people who have lives and fears, and people in the medical profession need to understand patients need much more than a clinical/scientific diagnosis.
I loved the fact that kindness, love, and the act of just listening, and I mean listening not the type of listening I was taught in nursing school (giving feedback) but silent listening bring a healing and acceptance of those around us.
There are thoughts and ideas that helped to bring into greater focus my own personal relationship with God, but also how I can be a better person and how can I become the real me. I would not define this as a religious book, but I think anyone regardless of their belief in God can come to some kind of internal satisfaction and growth.
One more note that has little to do with the book. If you are a believer in low carb diets and health do not let the introduction by Dr. Ornish stop you from reading the book. Skip over it if you need too. For me I just skimmed through it.
What I did find interesting was the concept that Doctors do not understand death. It brought to mind a quote by the Prophet Joseph Smith that the most important thing we could study and learn is death. Here are some of the brightest minds, people with great skill, and deal daily with the sick and wounded and they do not understand death. When I thought about it I realized the truth of the statement. As a nurse death and treating the sick and dying was a daily task. The only time doctors were present at a death was in an emergency situation, someone brought in by ambulance, or a crisis on the operating table. Otherwise, for the chronically ill it was and is nurses and family members that are present at the time of death. Nurses live with it, we go home haunted by it and it becomes a fabric of our being because we learn quickly that death is not always preventible. We are taught to bring dignity to those that are dying and try to give comfort in the best way we can. Doctors often feel that death means they failed, and that should not be the case.
I appreciated her journey of self awareness of what her gifts and talents really are. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone. Not just to learn wisdom, but to understand that Doctors and medical personnel are people who have lives and fears, and people in the medical profession need to understand patients need much more than a clinical/scientific diagnosis.
I loved the fact that kindness, love, and the act of just listening, and I mean listening not the type of listening I was taught in nursing school (giving feedback) but silent listening bring a healing and acceptance of those around us.
There are thoughts and ideas that helped to bring into greater focus my own personal relationship with God, but also how I can be a better person and how can I become the real me. I would not define this as a religious book, but I think anyone regardless of their belief in God can come to some kind of internal satisfaction and growth.
One more note that has little to do with the book. If you are a believer in low carb diets and health do not let the introduction by Dr. Ornish stop you from reading the book. Skip over it if you need too. For me I just skimmed through it.
April 9, 2017
Ovo je zbirka kratkih priča koje bih mogla okarakterizirati kao self-help literaturu. Autorica Rachel Remen je liječnica, dugo godina je radila na odjelu gdje su bili smješteni pacijenti koji imaju rak, a onda je počela biti savjetnica, svojevrsna psihologinja i pomagala je ljudima da se na psihičkoj razini pomire ili bore sa svojom bolesti.
Priče se mogu podijeliti u dvije kategorije – dio njih opisuju autoričin život i rad te njenu bolest, a ostale su priče o njenim pacijentima i njihovoj borbi s rakom. Sve priče su istinite.
Knjigu sam odabrala jer je i meni trebala pomoć i utjeha zbog moje vlastite borbe i stvarno mi je pomogla da se nosim sa svojim tegobama. Priče nadahnjuju i potiču pozitivno razmišljanje, a u isto vrijeme neke od njih na humorističan način opisuju i sretne i tužne životne situacije te poručuju da je važno boriti se za život.
Priče se mogu podijeliti u dvije kategorije – dio njih opisuju autoričin život i rad te njenu bolest, a ostale su priče o njenim pacijentima i njihovoj borbi s rakom. Sve priče su istinite.
Knjigu sam odabrala jer je i meni trebala pomoć i utjeha zbog moje vlastite borbe i stvarno mi je pomogla da se nosim sa svojim tegobama. Priče nadahnjuju i potiču pozitivno razmišljanje, a u isto vrijeme neke od njih na humorističan način opisuju i sretne i tužne životne situacije te poručuju da je važno boriti se za život.
July 22, 2009
This is a book of surpassing kindness - stories of varying lengths, pulled from Remen's life as a doctor growing gradually more and more comfortable with the idea of the inexplicable; with, in Remen's own words, "mystery and awe."
Taken as a whole, the book is a wonderful reminder to value every part of our daily experience, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. There is much in the book about the saving grace of science, but even more about the strength of individuals in the places where science can't go - especially when facing death. There's a sweet weight to each story that lingers long after the book is closed - I'm glad to have taken what feels like a breath in reading this, to have made room for a little impossibility and wonder.
Taken as a whole, the book is a wonderful reminder to value every part of our daily experience, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. There is much in the book about the saving grace of science, but even more about the strength of individuals in the places where science can't go - especially when facing death. There's a sweet weight to each story that lingers long after the book is closed - I'm glad to have taken what feels like a breath in reading this, to have made room for a little impossibility and wonder.
August 27, 2021
Although there is nothing inherently wrong with the book, it is not one I enjoyed reading. Short stories, 2-3, pages with messages of hope, healing, happiness, kindness, etc... For me the format never got me engaged enough in a story to feel emotionally connected or want to continue on. So I left it on my coffee table and would at random pick it up read one or two and then think, okay what am I going to read for real now.
February 4, 2018
Insightful.
August 25, 2011
I LOVED My Grandfather's Blessings and was excited to read this book by the same author. I LOVED this book, too, and the way that Dr. Rachel Remen teaches us how to heal and help others heal! She shares so many neat stories and examples as a doctor and believer in God and in people and the power they have to heal. It's not all science, but the power of people and stories that connect us, heal us and make us whole again. This book reminds me of the importance of living with an open heart.
Here are some of my favorite quotes and ideas that she shares:
"We usually look outside ourselves for heroes and teachers. It has not occurred to most people that they may already be the role model they seek. The wholeness they are looking for may be trapped within themselves by beliefs, attitudes, and self-doubt (p. 106)."
"At the heart of any real intimacy is a certain vulnerability. It is hard to trust someone with your vulnerability unless you can see in them a matching vulnerability and know that you will not be judged. In some basic way it is our imperfections and even our pain that draws others close to us (p. 113)."
"What we do to survive is often different from what we may need to do in order to live (p. 130)."
"More than a way of loving, the heart may be a way of experiencing life, the capacity to know a fundamental connection to others and see them whole....the opening of the heart seems to go far beyond love to an experience of belonging which heals our most profound wounds. When people look at others in this way, the connection they experience makes it a simpler thing to forgive, to have compassion, to serve, and to love....coming to know that in our suffering and our joy we are connected to one another with unbreakable and compelling human bonds. All of us become less vulnerable and alone. The heart, which can see these connections, may be far more powerful a source of healing than the mind (p. 140)."
"The Fijians are aware of a basic human law. We all influence one another. We are a part of each other's reality. There is no such thing as passing someone and not acknowledging your moment of connection, not letting others know their effect on you and seeing yours on them (p. 142)."
"I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart (p. 143)."
"The surprised reaction to a simple act of kindness is chilling. Perhaps we are no longer a kind people. More and more, we seem to have become numb to the suffering of others and ashamed of our own suffering. Yet suffering is one of the universal conditions of being alive. We all suffer. We have become terribly vulnerable, not because we suffer but because we have separated ourselves from each other (p. 147)."
"'I say to Him, 'God, is it okay to luff strangers?' And God says, "Yitzak, vat is dis strangers? You make strangers. I don't make strangers (p. 156).'"
"Competence may bring us satisfaction. Finding meaning in a familiar task often allows us to go beyond this and find in the most routine of tasks a deep sense of joy and even gratitude (p. 162)."
"All lives touch many others. Sometimes this network is very large, sometimes small, but somewhere in it a certain quality of love is needed if we are to be able to survive. It is not a question of numbers. Sometimes it can be given by only one person (p. 166)."
"All through my childhood, my parents kept a giant jigsaw puzzle set up on a puzzle table in the living room. [This is what I'm going to do when I grow up!] My father, who had started all this, always hid the box top. The idea was to put the pieces together without knowing the picture ahead of time.....Perhaps winning requires that we love the game unconditionally. Life provides all the pieces. When I accepted certain parts of life and denied and ignored the rest, I could only see my life a piece at a time (p. 169)."
"We all can influence the life force. The tools and strategies of healing are so innate, so much a part of a common human birthright, that we believers in technology pay very little attention to them. But they have lost none of their power. People have been healing each other since the beginning. Long before there were surgeons, psychologists, oncologists, and internists, we were there for each other. The healing of our present woundedness may lie in recognizing and reclaiming the capacity we all have to heal each other, the enormous power in the simplest of human relationships: the strength of a touch, the blessing of forgiveness, the grace of someone else taking you just as you are and finding in you an unsuspected goodness (p. 217)."
"We are, in a certain way, defined as much by our potential as by its expression....Perhaps a sense of possibility is communicated by our tone of voice, facial expression, or a certain choice of words (p. 230)."
"The inner silence is more secure than any hiding place (p. 281)."
"How easy it would have been for us to have missed each other. Had he not found that every parking spot and had to ride about a little more, or if this had been a bad day and I couldn't walk as fast, we would not be standing here together. Or if he had found his spot but had stopped for a paper, or if I had stopped for a paper, our lives would not have connected....As a statistician, he was moved, overwhelmed by a glimpse of the dance circumstances that had created the occasion of this encounter with a total stranger....This man has been changed by his experience. He finds himself more open to hidden possibilities. More appreciative of the presence of others in his life, more curious about what possible meaning or teaching may be there in the most ordinary relationships....The recognition that the world is sacred is one of the most empowering of the many realizations that may occur. It is one of the ways people heal the community around them (p. 288)."
Here are some of my favorite quotes and ideas that she shares:
"We usually look outside ourselves for heroes and teachers. It has not occurred to most people that they may already be the role model they seek. The wholeness they are looking for may be trapped within themselves by beliefs, attitudes, and self-doubt (p. 106)."
"At the heart of any real intimacy is a certain vulnerability. It is hard to trust someone with your vulnerability unless you can see in them a matching vulnerability and know that you will not be judged. In some basic way it is our imperfections and even our pain that draws others close to us (p. 113)."
"What we do to survive is often different from what we may need to do in order to live (p. 130)."
"More than a way of loving, the heart may be a way of experiencing life, the capacity to know a fundamental connection to others and see them whole....the opening of the heart seems to go far beyond love to an experience of belonging which heals our most profound wounds. When people look at others in this way, the connection they experience makes it a simpler thing to forgive, to have compassion, to serve, and to love....coming to know that in our suffering and our joy we are connected to one another with unbreakable and compelling human bonds. All of us become less vulnerable and alone. The heart, which can see these connections, may be far more powerful a source of healing than the mind (p. 140)."
"The Fijians are aware of a basic human law. We all influence one another. We are a part of each other's reality. There is no such thing as passing someone and not acknowledging your moment of connection, not letting others know their effect on you and seeing yours on them (p. 142)."
"I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart (p. 143)."
"The surprised reaction to a simple act of kindness is chilling. Perhaps we are no longer a kind people. More and more, we seem to have become numb to the suffering of others and ashamed of our own suffering. Yet suffering is one of the universal conditions of being alive. We all suffer. We have become terribly vulnerable, not because we suffer but because we have separated ourselves from each other (p. 147)."
"'I say to Him, 'God, is it okay to luff strangers?' And God says, "Yitzak, vat is dis strangers? You make strangers. I don't make strangers (p. 156).'"
"Competence may bring us satisfaction. Finding meaning in a familiar task often allows us to go beyond this and find in the most routine of tasks a deep sense of joy and even gratitude (p. 162)."
"All lives touch many others. Sometimes this network is very large, sometimes small, but somewhere in it a certain quality of love is needed if we are to be able to survive. It is not a question of numbers. Sometimes it can be given by only one person (p. 166)."
"All through my childhood, my parents kept a giant jigsaw puzzle set up on a puzzle table in the living room. [This is what I'm going to do when I grow up!] My father, who had started all this, always hid the box top. The idea was to put the pieces together without knowing the picture ahead of time.....Perhaps winning requires that we love the game unconditionally. Life provides all the pieces. When I accepted certain parts of life and denied and ignored the rest, I could only see my life a piece at a time (p. 169)."
"We all can influence the life force. The tools and strategies of healing are so innate, so much a part of a common human birthright, that we believers in technology pay very little attention to them. But they have lost none of their power. People have been healing each other since the beginning. Long before there were surgeons, psychologists, oncologists, and internists, we were there for each other. The healing of our present woundedness may lie in recognizing and reclaiming the capacity we all have to heal each other, the enormous power in the simplest of human relationships: the strength of a touch, the blessing of forgiveness, the grace of someone else taking you just as you are and finding in you an unsuspected goodness (p. 217)."
"We are, in a certain way, defined as much by our potential as by its expression....Perhaps a sense of possibility is communicated by our tone of voice, facial expression, or a certain choice of words (p. 230)."
"The inner silence is more secure than any hiding place (p. 281)."
"How easy it would have been for us to have missed each other. Had he not found that every parking spot and had to ride about a little more, or if this had been a bad day and I couldn't walk as fast, we would not be standing here together. Or if he had found his spot but had stopped for a paper, or if I had stopped for a paper, our lives would not have connected....As a statistician, he was moved, overwhelmed by a glimpse of the dance circumstances that had created the occasion of this encounter with a total stranger....This man has been changed by his experience. He finds himself more open to hidden possibilities. More appreciative of the presence of others in his life, more curious about what possible meaning or teaching may be there in the most ordinary relationships....The recognition that the world is sacred is one of the most empowering of the many realizations that may occur. It is one of the ways people heal the community around them (p. 288)."
December 17, 2023
A true blessing is this book ❤️
"Thoreau said that we must awaken and stay awake not by mechanical means, but by a constant expectation of the dawn. There's no need to demand the dawn, the dawn is simply a matter of time. And patience. And the dawn may look quite different from the story we tell ourselves about it. My experience has shown me the wisdom of remaining open to the possibility of growth in any and all circumstances, without ever knowing what shape that growth may take."
"Thoreau said that we must awaken and stay awake not by mechanical means, but by a constant expectation of the dawn. There's no need to demand the dawn, the dawn is simply a matter of time. And patience. And the dawn may look quite different from the story we tell ourselves about it. My experience has shown me the wisdom of remaining open to the possibility of growth in any and all circumstances, without ever knowing what shape that growth may take."
December 19, 2022
“Perhaps wisdom is simply a matter of waiting, and healing a question of time”. Rachel Naomi Remen’s stories and experiences are truly moving and serve as a source of wisdom to those of us who work in healthcare, specifically. She explores life in all its mysteries through her work with cancer patients, and intertwines spirituality so beautifully throughout it all.
Remen’s work is truly a gift to us all, but especially those of us who have experienced great loss. Thank you for this 🤍
Remen’s work is truly a gift to us all, but especially those of us who have experienced great loss. Thank you for this 🤍
February 23, 2025
God-given.
Read
December 28, 2021I read this book for a class. This was an interesting collection of short stories and short snippets all from the author’s experience as a physician. I found some stories really resonated with me. Some stories I wish were longer to elaborate on the themes but overall, an interesting read.
July 8, 2025
I think everyone should read this book! Dr. Rachel is a wise woman who shares her clinical & life experience in these short stories. She makes you want to be a better person and bring wholeness to every situation. We’re gifted to have someone like this in our world.
November 7, 2019
I had to take a break from this book to finish up another that was distracting me, and I am so glad I did. This book deserves a focused read, and does not disappoint. In actuality it took just a couple of days. Thoughts as I read along:
p. 184 "this woman is wonderful - she is flippin' WONDERFUL!"
p. 235 "OH MY GOSH. Seriously, you are an incredible woman"
p. 241 "Oh my gosh, this book is just the most beautiful thing"
I know those sound cheesy, but I challenge anyone reading the book to disagree.
I'll leave it to other reviewers to provide Dr. Remen's credentials and backstory, and will just say that this is a fantastic read on pain, loss, survival, endurance, self-discovery, dying, living, healing, helping - the list goes on and on. For those who are in the midst of life-threatening illness, there is much of comfort, peace and insight here. For those who hope to minister to those who are suffering, even in some small way, there is great information here.
This was an accidental book for me - I placed an order on Amazon for other books, not realizing this was in the cart, and was perplexed when it arrived with my selected books. One of the best unplanned books I've ever read.
p. 184 "this woman is wonderful - she is flippin' WONDERFUL!"
p. 235 "OH MY GOSH. Seriously, you are an incredible woman"
p. 241 "Oh my gosh, this book is just the most beautiful thing"
I know those sound cheesy, but I challenge anyone reading the book to disagree.
I'll leave it to other reviewers to provide Dr. Remen's credentials and backstory, and will just say that this is a fantastic read on pain, loss, survival, endurance, self-discovery, dying, living, healing, helping - the list goes on and on. For those who are in the midst of life-threatening illness, there is much of comfort, peace and insight here. For those who hope to minister to those who are suffering, even in some small way, there is great information here.
This was an accidental book for me - I placed an order on Amazon for other books, not realizing this was in the cart, and was perplexed when it arrived with my selected books. One of the best unplanned books I've ever read.
September 29, 2009
This book is my current favorite book, I would give it more than five stars. I learned about it from NPR's "Speaking of Faith" series when Krista Tippet interviewed the author, Rachel Naomi Remen. It is a series of many short essays as the subtitle says "Stories that Heal". the author a physician was diagnosed at 15 with Chrohn's disease and has been chronically ill most of her life. First a pediatrican, then a counselor to those with cancer, these are stories about herself and those she has worked with. I can not remember reading anything more authentic and real. I have cried after reading many of the stories, not because they are sad, but because they touch the deepest part of me. These stories have bits of her wisdom gained from her life experience delicately woven into them -- and there is a tremendous amount of wisdom altogether. I can read it slowly a few at a time. I will be sad when I finish and will read it. At least she has one more book that I can read after this.
May 15, 2007
I really like the author and her writing here, although I haven’t been interested enough to read her other work due to the subject matter – guess it was this subject in which I had interest. I really loved these stories. They were heartwarming and inspiring and very enjoyable to read, even though they’re about people’s struggles with mental and physical illnesses and disabilities. The author is a physician and she reveals some of her own health problems and I think that’s an important contribution to the book. Ultimately, it’s about how we can heal and survive and thrive despite life’s very tough parts. What I loved most was that the stories are told in such a way that I felt as though I was hearing the stories, and I still love it when someone reads to me.
February 5, 2014
I first discovered Rachel Remen through her 2001 book, My Grandfather's Blessings: Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging. I loved it and wanted more and, so, I got this book and read it much the same way--daily, 2-3 readings at a sitting, to get my day started. I've become a fan.
Her writings inspire me. First, I find I want to listen more deeply to those with whom I share the path in my world. I realize that I miss so much by being too much about my own agenda, being in too big a hurry, and habitually differentiating my self from others. My loss. Second, I aspire to become a story teller for my grandchildren. They love to hear stories, and with a little intention and a litte work, I think I could play that role--perhaps starting with Bible stories.
Her writings inspire me. First, I find I want to listen more deeply to those with whom I share the path in my world. I realize that I miss so much by being too much about my own agenda, being in too big a hurry, and habitually differentiating my self from others. My loss. Second, I aspire to become a story teller for my grandchildren. They love to hear stories, and with a little intention and a litte work, I think I could play that role--perhaps starting with Bible stories.
September 23, 2012
This book grew on me as I read it, and I grew to love it more and more. As someone who has worked as a chaplain and a caseworker, I am familiar with the inexplicable that sometimes goes on at the end of life, or simply when people are in deep crisis. Dr. Remen provides example after example of those mysteries, and adds to them deep, deep meaning and profundity. All of us have had one experience or another that points to depth, and we often write them off or shake them off. Dr. Remen gives us permission to savor them, to see them, not as outliers, but as guides and companions on the journey of living. A book to savor, a little at a time. Loved, loved, loved it.
January 26, 2014
I must have read a review recommending this book, but I was still a bit apprehensive about it when it arrived. Was it really going to be that good?
Then I started reading it - and was blown away. Rachel Naomi is a doctor, suffering from the most appalling ill health, and yet is the most giving, loving person I've ever come across.The book consists of mostly 2-page stories which are so easy to relate to, and make this a pick and glance at book, although I read it straight through in a week-end - I just couldn't put it down!!
To my considerable delight I've now found that she's still very active and I can tune into her web page - I can hardly wait!
Highly recommended
Then I started reading it - and was blown away. Rachel Naomi is a doctor, suffering from the most appalling ill health, and yet is the most giving, loving person I've ever come across.The book consists of mostly 2-page stories which are so easy to relate to, and make this a pick and glance at book, although I read it straight through in a week-end - I just couldn't put it down!!
To my considerable delight I've now found that she's still very active and I can tune into her web page - I can hardly wait!
Highly recommended
July 13, 2022
I came across Rachel Naomi Remen after listening to a podcast from On Being. Among the authors I have come across this year, Rachel is among those authors who I feel grateful to have crossed path with. She feels like a elderly soul who has such a powerful healing energy that manifests in any of the stories in the collection. Working with those who were on the edge of life, the views of this book speak about the people who have had a long view of time, of what truly matters in life. I wholeheartedly recommend this book, especially to those who found themselves in the dark, as this book offers glimmers of light, the mystery of life and life itself.
December 21, 2008
This was such a lovely book to read at this point in my life. Dr. Remen is a wonderful story teller, and she gives me hope that a career in a medical field (or any field, for that matter) can have a real soul. I heard her speak on NPR a few weeks ago and it inspired me to read one of her books. This is a quick read and I recommend it highly!
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