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The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance
Giraffes? Giraffes!
A collection of humorous trivia about giraffes makes no promises that everything the book reveals is true, sharing details in the fields of history, biology, and civilization that reveal the giraffe's fondness for iced oatmeal cookies, the role of a giraffe's spots as intergalactic receptors, and the papier mache that comprises a giraffe's neck. 25,000 first printing.
64 pages, Hardcover
First published September 28, 2004
2 people are currently reading
541 people want to read
About the author
Doris Haggis-on-Whey
14 books52 followersDr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey are a joint pseudonym of Dave Eggers and his brother Christopher.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
May 6, 2015
This is one of the funniest books I have ever read. Its beautifully illustrated and aimed at impressionable children who may well believe any old lies thrown at them as facts rather than discerning adults who may well doubt that giraffes came here directly from Neptune. Rather than continue with my thoughts, I will just add the book description:
"For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their ways into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips. "Giraffes? Giraffes!" is the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable. The book puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but become angry if asked about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90 percent of what we see in mirrors; and that the Giraffe navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press."
"For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their ways into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips. "Giraffes? Giraffes!" is the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable. The book puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but become angry if asked about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90 percent of what we see in mirrors; and that the Giraffe navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press."
November 4, 2007
At first I thought, OK I "get" it, this is anti-humor. Like Zippy the Pinhead, or that little Kaufman dude who used to wrestle chicks.
But this isn't anti-humor, it's just not funny. A cannabis salad served with a dressing of posh graffix by some glib McSweeney's hepcats.
Here's some examples of the hilarity to be found within: repeatedly calling giraffes "aminals", a feature about "How to Make a Bread Sandwich", the factoids that giraffes don't believe in croûtons, stethoscopes, or subleasing. Why Giraffes control the world's ice supply. The story of the giraffes' feud with the assistant secretary of agriculture... I can't go on. Either these jokes are dead or my watch has stopped. Hmmm, maybe if the entire book were translated into ubbi dubbi...?
Also -- and I bet this bong-fugue insight is what launched this particular Eggers Bros. project -- giraffes really are inherently funny. This book captures that key fact in one (1) place: the hilarious photo spread "Some of the Best-Looking Giraffes". But then even that is inevitably ruined by the "funny" captions (e.g. "watching jai-alai, staring at almonds").
Postmoderninity, get up off your lazy ass and make me laugh!
But this isn't anti-humor, it's just not funny. A cannabis salad served with a dressing of posh graffix by some glib McSweeney's hepcats.
Here's some examples of the hilarity to be found within: repeatedly calling giraffes "aminals", a feature about "How to Make a Bread Sandwich", the factoids that giraffes don't believe in croûtons, stethoscopes, or subleasing. Why Giraffes control the world's ice supply. The story of the giraffes' feud with the assistant secretary of agriculture... I can't go on. Either these jokes are dead or my watch has stopped. Hmmm, maybe if the entire book were translated into ubbi dubbi...?
Also -- and I bet this bong-fugue insight is what launched this particular Eggers Bros. project -- giraffes really are inherently funny. This book captures that key fact in one (1) place: the hilarious photo spread "Some of the Best-Looking Giraffes". But then even that is inevitably ruined by the "funny" captions (e.g. "watching jai-alai, staring at almonds").
Postmoderninity, get up off your lazy ass and make me laugh!
February 16, 2008
A conveyor belt brought the first Giraffes to earth close to 500,000 years ago and nothing has ever been the same! Due to my public school education and an inability to apply myself, I missed out on this and dozens of other fascinating giraffe facts the first time around. Fortunately the Haggis-On-Whey library has all the (undoubtedly true) answers I could hope for.
Watch out for gila monsters my long-necked friends!
Watch out for gila monsters my long-necked friends!
April 16, 2008
I love the Haggis-on-Whey books. They are hillarious and mere nonsense. What you learn about giraffes are that they arrived to this planet via a conveyor belt. They are one of the top 5 misunderstood animals. Sworn enemies of all giraffes are The Gila monster, the toucan, the Queen of Norway, and Matthew Perry. Just a little tidbit on Giraffes which I learned from this book.
September 12, 2007
This book is freakin' awsome. I'm thinking of calling people and reading excerpts from it daily on their answering machines.
http://www.haggis-on-whey.com/
http://www.haggis-on-whey.com/
January 9, 2008
If you don't like this book, I don't like you...
July 19, 2010
Piece of shit? Piece of shit!
August 25, 2019
This is the only book I’ve ever read that I liked. Period.
February 8, 2008
i picked up the first edition of this thinking i'd learn something about giraffes and that i'd be able to pass that on to my kids as part of the important process of learning about the environment. boy, was i wrong! this is a bunch of stuff that seems like it is supposed to be funny. what's that, a giraffe from terra haute, indiana! oh! hahahahaha! oh wait, a group of giraffes from terra haute?! now that is really something!!!!! ahahahhahahhahah ahhaa hahah ha. zzzzz
October 26, 2007
What do you really know about giraffes? Did you know the Queen of Norway is the sworn enemy of giraffes? Did you know that giraffes invented plastic? Are you aware of the fact that giraffes came to Earth on a conveyor belt from Neptune? THIS BOOK HAS PICTURES TO PROVE IT. You’re laughing, but it’s true. Seriously.
July 2, 2011
The McSweeney crew usually makes me recoil. After awhile, I felt like this book was trying to hard. Thank goodness, though, it's not long. And there are pictures. I liked the book for what it was. And I definitely like the cards at the back of the book.
December 2, 2007
The best book on my shelf. I learned that giraffes come from the moon on a conveyor belt.
January 19, 2019
A fun little treat as ridiculous and colorful as the cover suggests, full of entertaining tales of giraffes from Neptune, giraffes who dreamed of being human and building bridges, and pictures of the best looking giraffes. A good book to have in case a giraffe ever visits you and begins playing your piano. With this book, you'll know how to respond!
November 28, 2025
This book is a delight. Initially confusing before your child brain takes over and imagination once again floods your tired grey matter with the colours you forgot you once knew. You accept, you believe, you smile, then you close the book and know you can always go back. Except I can’t find this book anywhere now!!
January 23, 2021
(4☆ Would recommend)
I was not sure about this book when I first started reading it. When I figured out that the entire book is written in sarcasm, I laughed throughout the rest of the book. Good read.
I was not sure about this book when I first started reading it. When I figured out that the entire book is written in sarcasm, I laughed throughout the rest of the book. Good read.
May 26, 2017
This is one of the funniest books I have ever read, it's basically a bunch of made up silly facts about giraffes but I was crying I was laughing so hard. It's just so ridiculous and wonderful.
January 8, 2018
Everything I expected it to be, and more.
August 13, 2018
When you need some intelligently-dumb nonsense, this is perfect.
January 12, 2019
Clever and entertaining but not really a book that you can sit down and read in one go. It’s too absurd to be anything more than a (good) coffee table book.
July 22, 2019
Totally bonkers, and I love it!
January 26, 2020
Ridiculous in the best possible way. Highly recommend!
May 1, 2021
Fantastic nonsense. I love it!
February 15, 2023
The premise was interesting, but the jokes and silly ideas didnt really stick the landing. A quirky one to be sure, but maybe their succeeding works could potentially have better execution.
August 26, 2023
Silly, absurd & fun
November 7, 2024
Very silly faux-informational book. Aimed at kids but even adults can enjoy it!
December 16, 2024
Hands down best book next to the Bible
February 6, 2009
This was a total stumble-upon-in-the-thrift-store book. I didn't know what to make of it in the 30 seconds I glanced through it, but bought it anyway.
BEST PURCHASE EVER!!
Though, I assume, it is aimed toward kids, it is totally tongue-in-cheek, and the unconvetional format makes it nearly impossible to read aloud. Between the random charts and diagrams, the text can feel quite dry and academic, until you realize what you're actually reading, even on the copyright/publication page in tiny print:
"All rights reserved, except the righ to wear orange and brown together, which we leave to you people who do that kind of thing. Permission to reprint this book in whole or part is prohibited, unless your name is Myron. We love people named Myron. If you can prove your name is Myron, then we allow you to do anything you want with this book. You can use it for insulation, you can make wedding dresses from it. Up to you. If you are not named Myron, you are permitted only to read this book and to set up a shrine in a corner of your home where you may worship this book. You may read it eleven times, BUT NO MORE! More than eleven times can be very dangerous. Take our word on that. Eleven times only. Pace yourself."
So to give you an idea of the material, here are some little known facts about giraffes from the book:
-Giraffes came to this planet on a conveyor belt
-Giraffes necks are made of paper-mache and their legs are filled with various types of fruit juice.
-Giraffes do not believe in snap buttons, shoes with velcro, croutons, subleasing, fruit roll-ups, and teen angst (among others).
-Giraffes control most of the world's ice supply
Each article/story in the book is not what it seems. For example, the section titled "What are giraffes made of?" also contains an explanation and diagram of a pendulum, as well as a chart for the uses of various types of apples. Extremely informative.
Ok, this review is getting out of hand....it's just funny and random and worthy of a coffee table.
BEST PURCHASE EVER!!
Though, I assume, it is aimed toward kids, it is totally tongue-in-cheek, and the unconvetional format makes it nearly impossible to read aloud. Between the random charts and diagrams, the text can feel quite dry and academic, until you realize what you're actually reading, even on the copyright/publication page in tiny print:
"All rights reserved, except the righ to wear orange and brown together, which we leave to you people who do that kind of thing. Permission to reprint this book in whole or part is prohibited, unless your name is Myron. We love people named Myron. If you can prove your name is Myron, then we allow you to do anything you want with this book. You can use it for insulation, you can make wedding dresses from it. Up to you. If you are not named Myron, you are permitted only to read this book and to set up a shrine in a corner of your home where you may worship this book. You may read it eleven times, BUT NO MORE! More than eleven times can be very dangerous. Take our word on that. Eleven times only. Pace yourself."
So to give you an idea of the material, here are some little known facts about giraffes from the book:
-Giraffes came to this planet on a conveyor belt
-Giraffes necks are made of paper-mache and their legs are filled with various types of fruit juice.
-Giraffes do not believe in snap buttons, shoes with velcro, croutons, subleasing, fruit roll-ups, and teen angst (among others).
-Giraffes control most of the world's ice supply
Each article/story in the book is not what it seems. For example, the section titled "What are giraffes made of?" also contains an explanation and diagram of a pendulum, as well as a chart for the uses of various types of apples. Extremely informative.
Ok, this review is getting out of hand....it's just funny and random and worthy of a coffee table.
January 11, 2016
(I was able to read this book thanks to interlibrary loan. Sadly the 5 information cards were not included.)
There is a difference between being clever and simply being random. That being said, the central concept for this book series is clever: faux science texts full of made-up facts about each subject. But the contents of this volume, despite showcasing creativity and specificity, are merely random. It felt like a giraffe-themed book of Mad Libs would have yielded results of equal quality. ("Giraffes live in...?" "Ooh! Terre Haute, ID!" *chortle* *chortle*)
I can speak only for my experience as an adult reader. The book didn't make me laugh. The humor was so dry it had no wet; the ideas, while absurd, weren't winningly so; the design was stylish, but not fun. As a whole, the experience was disappointing--like leaning forward and forcing a smile hoping such kindling could inspire laughter--and occasionally charming.
In it, we learn the following things about giraffes:
There is a difference between being clever and simply being random. That being said, the central concept for this book series is clever: faux science texts full of made-up facts about each subject. But the contents of this volume, despite showcasing creativity and specificity, are merely random. It felt like a giraffe-themed book of Mad Libs would have yielded results of equal quality. ("Giraffes live in...?" "Ooh! Terre Haute, ID!" *chortle* *chortle*)
I can speak only for my experience as an adult reader. The book didn't make me laugh. The humor was so dry it had no wet; the ideas, while absurd, weren't winningly so; the design was stylish, but not fun. As a whole, the experience was disappointing--like leaning forward and forcing a smile hoping such kindling could inspire laughter--and occasionally charming.
In it, we learn the following things about giraffes:
August 22, 2010
Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey and her stumbling husband Benny give us a stunning history into all things giraffe related, such as the fact they travel long distances on large conveyor belts and control the world's supply of ice.
This and other common-knowledge facts about giraffes are presented in this children's picture book in an easy-to-read-yet-completely-easier-to-agree-with way. You're welcome, science.
The Haggis-on-Whey couple took Donald Barthelme's idea of children's picture books and ran with it. Ran with it like giraffes on conveyor belts towards ice-containing places.
If you are a fan of pictures, small references to Utah, complete knowledge or giraffes, then this is the book for you. Better yet, it is the first in a series of picture books that could eventually reach triple digits.
Dr Doris Haggis-on-Whey and Benny Doris Haggis-on-Whey have a close, seemingly DNA-ly association with Dave Eggers and his young brother Toph, the two of which are chronicled in Eggers' memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. He that hath ears.
This and other common-knowledge facts about giraffes are presented in this children's picture book in an easy-to-read-yet-completely-easier-to-agree-with way. You're welcome, science.
The Haggis-on-Whey couple took Donald Barthelme's idea of children's picture books and ran with it. Ran with it like giraffes on conveyor belts towards ice-containing places.
If you are a fan of pictures, small references to Utah, complete knowledge or giraffes, then this is the book for you. Better yet, it is the first in a series of picture books that could eventually reach triple digits.
Dr Doris Haggis-on-Whey and Benny Doris Haggis-on-Whey have a close, seemingly DNA-ly association with Dave Eggers and his young brother Toph, the two of which are chronicled in Eggers' memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. He that hath ears.
December 3, 2014
Written by Dr. Dorris Haggis-On-Whey and her husband Benny, the Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance book series will boggle your mind. Boggle boggle boggle. Just like that. Have you ever wanted to know where giraffes came from? Why, giant interstellar conveyor belts of course! And where can you find them in the United States? Terre Haute and Atlanta (known to giraffes as Hotlanta!). Learn catchy giraffe sayings ( "You salt-water sauerkraut ", "Bolt the Door, I'm in the spin cycle "), read the story of Ted "Theodore "Logan Who Considered Himself a Friend of Descartes But Who Was Not Invited to His Wedding, and see attractive giraffe centerfolds. A clear and concise series of science books, chock full of unbelievable facts and lively illustrations!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews