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The Liturgical Mystery #8
The Organist Wore Pumps
Police chief Hayden Konig is a lucky man. He’s wealthy, he enjoys his work, he has a loving wife, good friends, and lives in the quaintest, most picturesque town in the North Carolina mountains. With all this going for him, you’d think he’d be satisfied. He’s not. He longs to be a writer, a hard-boiled, noir detective word-slinger worthy of the 1939 Underwood No. 5 sitting on his desk—a typewriter once owned by Raymond Chandler. You’d think a machine like this would help. It doesn’t.
As a detective, Chief Konig is at the top of his game. As the organist at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, he can play with the best of them. But as a writer, Hayden produces more bad prose than the St. Germaine Garden Club’s annual poetry review.
What do the bones of an ancient king, a scoodle of skunks, a farm auction, the best Christmas parade ever, and an obnoxious deacon have to do with the dead body floating in Lake Tannenbaum? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. It’s up to Hayden to pull all the clues together like two cousins in a Kentucky hayloft. After all, Epiphany is right around the corner!
As a detective, Chief Konig is at the top of his game. As the organist at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, he can play with the best of them. But as a writer, Hayden produces more bad prose than the St. Germaine Garden Club’s annual poetry review.
What do the bones of an ancient king, a scoodle of skunks, a farm auction, the best Christmas parade ever, and an obnoxious deacon have to do with the dead body floating in Lake Tannenbaum? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. It’s up to Hayden to pull all the clues together like two cousins in a Kentucky hayloft. After all, Epiphany is right around the corner!
178 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 11, 2010
10 people are currently reading
97 people want to read
About the author
Mark Schweizer
37 books83 followersIn 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.
Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?
In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.
In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.
“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.
In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.
Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?
In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.
In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.
“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.
In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
January 25, 2018
Once I start one of these, I just can't put it down.
July 29, 2015
For the eighth time, the quirky residents of Saint Germaine, North Carolina, spring to life, especially the members of Saint Barnabas' Episcopal Church. Hayden Konig, the church organist, chief of police, Raymond Chandleresque novelist, and millionaire, solves yet another murder (or two) in what has to be the most homicidal small town in America when computed on a per capita basis. It is all funny: the excerpts from Konig's truly awful novels, the convoluted life of the parish, the curiosities of small town living, the musical puns, the liturgical commentary. My prayer that Mark Schweizer never stop writing this series is enabled, in part, by the bizarre things which real-life Episcopalians do. He needn't imagine and make up weird things for his characters to do; he need only keep abreast of the church press and borrow from real life.
July 30, 2019
This is the third of "The Liturgical Mystery" series that I have read. I particularly enjoyed the substitute organist, Advent season, Christmas parade and nativity, and recurring characters. I have found these to be great books to read while traveling: on my Kindle, easy reading so if I need to put down I don't lose the sense of things, and a real tickle. The alternating "real life" of the police chief-organist-director-would-be mystery writer-and now possibly children's author and his horrible writing is great fun. Thanks, Mark Schweizer! (See also FB shoutout to composer Thomas Pavlechko who is mentioned in the book for his "Panis Angelicus.")
May 27, 2019
There’s a lot lacking in this book, which is why I only gave it 3 stars, but I did find it hilarious. If you don’t mind a main character who had a lot of money and societal power and zero experience of hardship or suffering and if you are at least somewhat involved in a church you may find this book enjoyable.
September 20, 2024
Eh. I liked the musical and church references, and some of the characters were sort of charming, if rather flat cardboard cut-outs. But in general I don't care for murder mysteries and this seemed kind of contrived. I don't think I'll be seeking out other titles in the series.
April 2, 2018
Another fun adventure!!!
December 25, 2018
This one was pasted very nicely. I really liked how the mystery warm down to the end. That was book review.
July 2, 2019
3,5 stars
Slapstick mystery fun, over the top humor and a great small town setting.
Slapstick mystery fun, over the top humor and a great small town setting.
January 22, 2020
Another hysterically funny mystery featuring Haden Konig and the gang in St. Germaine.
July 23, 2020
If I'm reading a book & I laugh out loud, you get an instant 5 stars!
May 17, 2024
Another fun, lighthearted, read by Mark Schweizer.
January 13, 2017
In St. Germaine, North Carolina, the Episcopal priest is a bishop, the organist is a cop, the thurifer is an international champion, and the mayor is a belly-dancer. Murderers move there in droves.
July 22, 2014
Once again, I thoroughly enjoyed immersing myself in St. Germaine and the hilarious antics of this quirky community. #8 in the liturgical mystery series of Mark Schwiezer did not disappoint. In this installment, police chief and part-time organist Hayden Konig is incapacitated by an auto accident and does most of his crime-solving with his arm in a cast. That requires a new organist, in the person of a fascinating character named Edna. A few dead bodies, a farm auction of expensive wine, the best ever Christmas parade, and an obnoxious deacon provide clues that only a very creative mind like Hayden's could ever put together. (With a little help from his friends.)
In the outstanding simile category, Schweizer places first delivering such lines as: "Had she been wallpaper, she would have been the beige stuff in your grandmother's bathroom." "She ...gave Dave a wink he could hang his hat on." "...a North Carolina accent so thick you could slice it, fry it up in some ham fat, and serve it with grits." "...as obvious as a tattoo on a Lutheran." Not to mention some very descriptive and perhaps even original descriptive words, such as "a scoodle of skunks."
Love these books. They fit my need for light entertainment to perfection.
In the outstanding simile category, Schweizer places first delivering such lines as: "Had she been wallpaper, she would have been the beige stuff in your grandmother's bathroom." "She ...gave Dave a wink he could hang his hat on." "...a North Carolina accent so thick you could slice it, fry it up in some ham fat, and serve it with grits." "...as obvious as a tattoo on a Lutheran." Not to mention some very descriptive and perhaps even original descriptive words, such as "a scoodle of skunks."
Love these books. They fit my need for light entertainment to perfection.
August 16, 2010
The 8th in the Hayden Konig mystery series. It is Christmas time in St. Germaine and the town is getting ready for the annual parade. Meanwhile Hayden is at an estate auction and bids on bottles of wine. Bud, the teen wine expert, keeps signaling Hayden to bid higher as another man keeps overbidding Hayden. After Hayden’s successful bid, Bud informs him that in a few years the wine will be worth over a quarter of a million dollars. The stranger who had been bidding on the wine is soon found dead. As usual, Schweizer peppers his hysterical series with Hayden’s horrible attempt at writing a murder mystery in the fashion of his hero, Raymond Chandler. Add a protest, a pregnant waitress, a temporary organist and an obnoxious deacon and you have one heckova fun read.
May 21, 2015
Anyone who has ever been active in a religious organizaton, sung in a congregational choir, or served in any capacity in any office in place of worship will appreciate the gentle humor and satire of Mark Schweizer's Liturgical Mysteries. I love them so much that I have given numerous copies away to friends. If insider knowledge of religiou affairs, an irreverent attitude and outrageous puns are your thing, these are the books for you. Who can resist an organist named Edna Terra-Pocks and a choir director who keeps a loaded Glock in the organ bench in case he has to tune up the tenors? (It's okay, he's also the chief of police and always on duty in a town that has only three police officers.) Not me, that's for sure.
May 21, 2010
Mark Schweizer continues his delightful Hayden Konig-St. Germaine series with this decent but uneven 8th submission. The murder mystery is rather weaker than usual and ends most unsatisfyingly. Yet, the grab bag of humorous incidents is right up there and the book ends with one of Schweizer's best howlers. The Raymond Chandleresque interweave is even weirder than usual, featuring a predictably slimy "Sophie Slug".
January 26, 2012
These are a must read for anyone involved in the life of the church! It's too funny and life-like! Schweizer has ceared a great mix of church and noire mystery. You need to start with volume 1 to get the "inside jokes" built in throughout the series. Being an organist with an artificial leg, I look for the opportunity to throw my prothesis on top of the organ ala Agnes Day.
May 14, 2013
I love this series. It's nice to escape to a place that for the most part is filled with nice people. I liked the mystery in this entry a little better than some others. I would start to worry about the cabot Cove syndrome in these books, but I feel a huge part of reading these is just the atmosphere of St. Germaine, NC.
May 18, 2010
All of these books by Mark Schweizer are hysterically funny, especially if you have ever sung in a church choir. The main character is church organist, hard-boiler detective fiction writer and sheriff of a small North Carolina town. Not often you get funny ecclesiastical mysteries.
June 28, 2011
One of the better ones...and I was rather fond of Sarah Slug!
November 22, 2011
Another enjoyable read, though there wasn't enough Moosey.
March 11, 2013
This one is a great mystery as well as funny.
September 3, 2012
Made me laugh out loud...enjoyed the e-book!k
September 21, 2012
The descriptions of the substitute organist at St. Barnabas who plays through the Advent season had me laughing out loud!
June 6, 2022
I really love this one. The mystery is particularly good, the church is as crazy as ever... One of my favs.
July 21, 2010
I'm so sad that I've finished all of the books in this series. I can't wait for more!!
June 25, 2016
Nothing worse than a bad organist and especially one with large breasts.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews