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How to Understand Your Gender
'For anyone who's ever wished they had a smart, kind, friend with whom they could calmly and safely discuss gender issues: this most excellent book is that kind of friend'. - Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw
Have you ever questioned your own gender identity? Do you know somebody who is transgender or who identifies as non-binary? Do you ever feel confused when people talk about gender diversity?
This down-to-earth guide is for anybody who wants to know more about gender, from its biology, history and sociology, to how it plays a role in our relationships and interactions with family, friends, partners and strangers. It looks at practical ways people can express their own gender, and will help you to understand people whose gender might be different from your own. With activities and points for reflection throughout, this book will help people of all genders engage with gender diversity and explore the ideas in the book in relation to their own lived experiences.
Have you ever questioned your own gender identity? Do you know somebody who is transgender or who identifies as non-binary? Do you ever feel confused when people talk about gender diversity?
This down-to-earth guide is for anybody who wants to know more about gender, from its biology, history and sociology, to how it plays a role in our relationships and interactions with family, friends, partners and strangers. It looks at practical ways people can express their own gender, and will help you to understand people whose gender might be different from your own. With activities and points for reflection throughout, this book will help people of all genders engage with gender diversity and explore the ideas in the book in relation to their own lived experiences.
284 pages, Paperback
First published September 21, 2017
223 people are currently reading
2343 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
August 9, 2025
Words do not describe how I have fallen in love with this book! It took me on a journey of reflecting on gender and sexuality, in myself and society. It is accessible and very kind. There are pages that remind you to stop and breathe. To take a break if you need it. Of course you can ignore them if you want but I found that I needed them and was so glad they were there.
I truly believe anyone can get a lot out of this book. Cis, Trans, Non-binary.
There is stuff in here that I wish everyone would hear.
It also talks a lot about intersections and how they interact with each other. Class, Race, Ethnicity, Disability, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Religion. For example I'm White, Middle-Class, Physically Disabled, Neurodivergent, a straight trans man and Pagan. All of these things interact with each other and matter.
It talks about how gender is complex in that it's a mix of biological, psychological and social. Even though it's a complex topic, it was never confusing. Always accessible.
I highly recommend this!
Edit: Originally I thought I was a bisexual nonbinary person. I'm a straight trans man and have fixed the review. It's a long story. Also changed Wiccan to Pagan.
I truly believe anyone can get a lot out of this book. Cis, Trans, Non-binary.
There is stuff in here that I wish everyone would hear.
It also talks a lot about intersections and how they interact with each other. Class, Race, Ethnicity, Disability, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Religion. For example I'm White, Middle-Class, Physically Disabled, Neurodivergent, a straight trans man and Pagan. All of these things interact with each other and matter.
It talks about how gender is complex in that it's a mix of biological, psychological and social. Even though it's a complex topic, it was never confusing. Always accessible.
I highly recommend this!
Edit: Originally I thought I was a bisexual nonbinary person. I'm a straight trans man and have fixed the review. It's a long story. Also changed Wiccan to Pagan.
August 25, 2017
I took a really long time with this book, I wanted to be able to make sure that I paced myself and could really absorb what was being laid out by the authors of How to Understand Your Gender. I am thrilled that a book like this exists. I'm thrilled as a genderqueer/non-binary person, and I am over the moon to see it as a librarian. I feel like this title should be an essential piece of any library collection.
Iantaffi and Barker are both mental health professionals who are trans-identified. They state in their introduction that How to Understand Your Gender is meant to be a guide for people who may have questions about their gender, and what it is/how it's developing. I feel it also is a valuable title for people who don't have questions about their gender, but are curious about what transgender and non-binary is and what these mean. Particularly, if they have someone in their lives who identify as either of these.
This book really digs into what gender is, how it presents, shifts, changes, and how it intersects with other aspects of our lives (including racial intersectionality, which is so often lacking.) It's written in a easy to digest voice that is suitable for a wide range of ages and reading abilities. A teenager could pick up this book, and I think it would make excellent shared reading with younger pre-teens who are exploring their gender identity with a trusted adult.
Iantaffi and Barker are both mental health professionals who are trans-identified. They state in their introduction that How to Understand Your Gender is meant to be a guide for people who may have questions about their gender, and what it is/how it's developing. I feel it also is a valuable title for people who don't have questions about their gender, but are curious about what transgender and non-binary is and what these mean. Particularly, if they have someone in their lives who identify as either of these.
This book really digs into what gender is, how it presents, shifts, changes, and how it intersects with other aspects of our lives (including racial intersectionality, which is so often lacking.) It's written in a easy to digest voice that is suitable for a wide range of ages and reading abilities. A teenager could pick up this book, and I think it would make excellent shared reading with younger pre-teens who are exploring their gender identity with a trusted adult.
February 15, 2018
YES! It would have taken me just one day to read, but the book kept imploring me to "slow down!" and reflect on all of the ideas in periodic break pages. I appreciated that the book has an awareness about it around how much of a Gender 101 this will be for those of us who have been thinking about these issues for awhile. The new insights, which are spread out all over the place, are beautifully balanced with narratives from other people on how they experience gender, sex, and sexuality. Also, something that I very much appreciated was how smoothly the authors integrated really complex ideas about gender, surveillance, performativity, and power into their book. What a resource! Reading this felt like getting one really satisfying hug. I'll probably be coming back to this.
November 5, 2021
this is the kind of book you take your time reading, taking it in one page at a time. understanding, sitting on it, thinking and then reading some more. it was fairly accessible,, even my dumbass managed to finish it (after forever but still???) and it does help understand things for those who are questioning. would highly recommend!
August 2, 2019
Imagine you have two friends who are incredibly knowledgeable about a particular area of life experience. And one day they happen by with a thermos of tea and proceed to sit on your couch and engage you in a remarkable conversation about that area of their expertise. It's both a deep and a far-ranging discussion which confirms some things you've suspected while also challenging your assumptions and toppling your preconceptions in in all sorts of fascinating ways. There are activities. Some of their other friends pop in and out to share their experiences. You're given plenty of time for breaks.
That is what reading this book is like. Barker and Iantaffi never downplay the fact that they're two smart cookies, while always keeping their writing understandable, if not downright conversational. The wide range of approaches make the book and its concepts accessible to a wide range of learning styles and attention spans. And there seemed to be new insights around every page-turn: new ways of looking at myself, the concept of gender, and the whole gosh-darned world, really. The me who's finishing this book does not see the world the same way as the person who started it.
I highly recommend this to everyone who's impacted by gender and the way it (dys)functions in Western cultures. By which of course I mean everyone. Whether you're the cissest cis to ever cis, a proud citizen of Trans/Nonbinary Nation, or someone who's still trying to figure it all out, we alllll swim around in this sea of gender, and we're all getting pruny from it. This book is a friendly voice offering to show you multiple ways to get to shore.
That is what reading this book is like. Barker and Iantaffi never downplay the fact that they're two smart cookies, while always keeping their writing understandable, if not downright conversational. The wide range of approaches make the book and its concepts accessible to a wide range of learning styles and attention spans. And there seemed to be new insights around every page-turn: new ways of looking at myself, the concept of gender, and the whole gosh-darned world, really. The me who's finishing this book does not see the world the same way as the person who started it.
I highly recommend this to everyone who's impacted by gender and the way it (dys)functions in Western cultures. By which of course I mean everyone. Whether you're the cissest cis to ever cis, a proud citizen of Trans/Nonbinary Nation, or someone who's still trying to figure it all out, we alllll swim around in this sea of gender, and we're all getting pruny from it. This book is a friendly voice offering to show you multiple ways to get to shore.
June 20, 2024
An intelligent book. It offers a good guide to the difficult concept of gender. However, understanding depends upon debate and this book explains rather too much, side-stepping difficult issues. For example, a few sentences observe that the importance of gender reflects its importance within cultural debates. One mirrors the other. But what happens when the mirror is more than a plain mirror. I remember reading (as a teenager) a brilliant short story by Ray Bradbury. Mr Bigelow, a "dwarf," visits the hall of mirrors each night. A magnifying mirror enlarges his size and allows him to find a place in the world around him. Bradbury's story is reflection on how identity is reflected and refracted. Culture has written the gender debate in LARGE LETTERS, but is gender possibly being "inflated"? On another occasion, gender is described as a a reflection of parental input. A dynamic. That idea is quickly skipped over because another problem appears. If gender is a nexus created by child and parent, what happens when parents are cut out of the gender debate and gender is just about "I" and "Me"? The authors are excellent at explaining. But ....
February 17, 2025
Fascinating, but there were some things I wished it would have done more with.
March 10, 2020
This is by far one of the best books I've ever read. Let me explain why.
The authors are pretty clear and their language, the terms they use, their style... Everything is super readable and enjoyable. They can make connections with philosophy, language, different cultures, religion, laws, complex concepts and so on in a super accessible way. They're aware of their privileges and successfully managed to create something as more inclusive and intersectional as possible. Throughout the book you'll find some activities such as questions, diagrams and stuff I'd just call food for thought. I've always been quite sure of knowing what my gender identity / gender expression and so on were, and I wouldn't say I was mistaken but... It surely opened my eyes. I really found this work useful, illuminating and lovely (yes), even for someone like me who never believed in binarism and always considered gender to be something fluid.
In addition I really appreciated their cultural, personal and academic background. They're trans and enby, they know what they're talking about and HOW to do it properly.
I really enjoyed reading this book and I hope more people will get curious about the topic, because it's worth it. It's totally worth it.
The authors are pretty clear and their language, the terms they use, their style... Everything is super readable and enjoyable. They can make connections with philosophy, language, different cultures, religion, laws, complex concepts and so on in a super accessible way. They're aware of their privileges and successfully managed to create something as more inclusive and intersectional as possible. Throughout the book you'll find some activities such as questions, diagrams and stuff I'd just call food for thought. I've always been quite sure of knowing what my gender identity / gender expression and so on were, and I wouldn't say I was mistaken but... It surely opened my eyes. I really found this work useful, illuminating and lovely (yes), even for someone like me who never believed in binarism and always considered gender to be something fluid.
In addition I really appreciated their cultural, personal and academic background. They're trans and enby, they know what they're talking about and HOW to do it properly.
I really enjoyed reading this book and I hope more people will get curious about the topic, because it's worth it. It's totally worth it.
August 23, 2020
Cuanto más lees sobre teorías del género y cuanto más te acercas a otras posiciones, más tomas consciencia de lo fácil que es, en esta sociedad, ser encerrado en los márgenes. No te hace falta presentarte a la sociedad con un sexo diferente al asignado al nacer, basta con tener una diversidad funcional, un cuerpo no normativo, algún estado de transición mental o simplemente ser madre para sentirte en los márgenes de una sociedad donde la norma es muy estrecha y son muy pocos los que caben dentro.
Cómo entender tu género, la apología del cuidado de Alex Iantaffi y Meg-John Barker 💜🤍💗💙❤️
Reseña completa :
https://killedbytrend.com/2020/08/23/...
Cómo entender tu género, la apología del cuidado de Alex Iantaffi y Meg-John Barker 💜🤍💗💙❤️
Reseña completa :
https://killedbytrend.com/2020/08/23/...
November 21, 2021
Détracteur•ice•s du pronom « iel » et de l'écriture inclusive, tremblez... De formidables outils francophones émergent pour mieux appréhender la notion de genre et « Unique en mon genre », paru aux Éditions Améthyste, en fait partie.
Comme pour le précédent ouvrage des auteurices, « Vous n'êtes pas binaire (personne ne l'est) », la pédagogie est au centre de leur démarche. C'est un livre qui invite à prendre son temps et se ménager régulièrement des pauses. C'est aussi un livre interactif qui propose de nombreuses activités. Autre avantage, la mise en page du livre est superbe et attire l'oeil en plus d'être très claire.
Bien entendu, le livre explore avant tout la transidentité et la non-binarité, évoque notamment les notions d'expression de genre, les pronoms, les transitions sociales et médicales, le coming-out... Mais ce livre implique aussi les personnes cisgenres. À titre personnel, ce n'est pas parce que je suis une femme cis que je suis à l'extrémité « féminine » du spectre du genre et j'en ai beaucoup souffert. J'ai souvent eu l'impression de ne pas être une « vraie fille ». Ce livre m'a permis de me rendre compte que je suis loin d'être seule.
Au final, je pense que la meilleure manière de faire prendre conscience aux gens de l'importance du genre et de la manière dont celui-ci nous permet de nous épanouir ou, au contraire, nous enferme, c'est de leur offrir la possibilité de s'interroger sur leur propre genre. C'est ce que ce livre offre. En outre, je le recommande à tous les professionnel•le•s de santé qui veulent prendre en charge les personnes trans et/ou non-binaires de la meilleure manière possible.
Comme pour le précédent ouvrage des auteurices, « Vous n'êtes pas binaire (personne ne l'est) », la pédagogie est au centre de leur démarche. C'est un livre qui invite à prendre son temps et se ménager régulièrement des pauses. C'est aussi un livre interactif qui propose de nombreuses activités. Autre avantage, la mise en page du livre est superbe et attire l'oeil en plus d'être très claire.
Bien entendu, le livre explore avant tout la transidentité et la non-binarité, évoque notamment les notions d'expression de genre, les pronoms, les transitions sociales et médicales, le coming-out... Mais ce livre implique aussi les personnes cisgenres. À titre personnel, ce n'est pas parce que je suis une femme cis que je suis à l'extrémité « féminine » du spectre du genre et j'en ai beaucoup souffert. J'ai souvent eu l'impression de ne pas être une « vraie fille ». Ce livre m'a permis de me rendre compte que je suis loin d'être seule.
Au final, je pense que la meilleure manière de faire prendre conscience aux gens de l'importance du genre et de la manière dont celui-ci nous permet de nous épanouir ou, au contraire, nous enferme, c'est de leur offrir la possibilité de s'interroger sur leur propre genre. C'est ce que ce livre offre. En outre, je le recommande à tous les professionnel•le•s de santé qui veulent prendre en charge les personnes trans et/ou non-binaires de la meilleure manière possible.
March 17, 2022
I found this book deeply compassionate and it really broadened by thinking about gender. It helped me think about the many different roles, expressions, and identities I take on in different aspects of my life, in different places, and with different people. I read it on paper and have now started listening to it to stimulate further thought.
Read
January 29, 2018This book should be required reading by anyone who breathes. Amazing.
August 30, 2022
Siempre voy con pies de plomo antes de leer sobre género y presto especial atención a cada detalle, especialmente al discurso. Este libro me ha parecido una maravilla. Es didáctico y cercano: está hecho para que se entienda perfectamente y hace hincapié en matices muy importantes. Además, tiene ejercicios muy útiles para reflexionar sobre nuestra forma de movernos por el mundo, cómo interacciona nuestro género con él y nuestras relaciones en general. Deja recomendaciones de lecturas según cada tema, y tiene siempre presente el autocuidado. Se lo recomendaría sin duda a cualquier persona que se esté replanteando su género o simplemente busque conocer más sobre el tema y reflexionar.
June 25, 2017
I could not be more impressed by this incredible #ownvoices resource, which embodies the kind of accountability that I have always envisioned as possible from white folx. These writers begin by acknowledging indigenous elders, crediting their understanding of intersectionality to black feminist trailblazers, Kimberlee Crenshaw, Patricia Hill Collins, and bell hooks, and by the end, they have undoubtedly achieved the goal of writing the book they wish they had while growing up!
November 7, 2018
This book does not make you question what gender is. It describes gender as some complex biopsychosocial interaction, but does not actually explain what it is. It then shows examples of people living their lives as masculine women and feminine men, but then kind of extremely implies that your gender is how you present??? This book is just hypocritical and I don’t like it. Didn’t answer any of my questions about gender.
November 21, 2017
This book is a good beginner's guide. In addition to explaining a lot of introductory concepts, it includes frequent reflection points, written activities, and mindfulness reminders. I have some doubts about the ways that cis experiences of gender were incorporated, but both of the authors of the book are trans therapists so I assume it's a reasonable approach.
February 10, 2018
I zoomed through this in a day. A great resource; I wish it had been around twenty years ago!
September 23, 2020
useful and friendly guide, gets a little repetitive sometimes though.
December 4, 2021
I had to take this book out from the library three times this year to finish it, as it was so thought-provoking I couldn’t get through much in each borrowing period. I used it as supplementary material to think about the gender topics we’d discussed in the youth group I work with, so I could get with the program a bit and catch up with the kids on identity issues. Recommended if you want to start thinking about gender.
March 4, 2020
"How to Understand Your Gender" was a really interesting read that gave me a new perspective on gender and intersectionality in regard to gender.
As a cis woman, I'm not necessarily the target demographic and I think this book would be more helpful to non-cis people and their families and friends.
Still, it gave me the opportunity to think more about how I perform gender and how my gender impacts my life, something I see mostly in my interactions at work.
As a cis woman, I'm not necessarily the target demographic and I think this book would be more helpful to non-cis people and their families and friends.
Still, it gave me the opportunity to think more about how I perform gender and how my gender impacts my life, something I see mostly in my interactions at work.
March 20, 2021
Great book about what gender means, and lots of exercises both for people who want to explore their own gender because they aren't sure where they are, or to think more about the gender you currently are. Understanding the social/historical contexts and the way people have been socialized, expected to behave, and the ingrained systems we all live within is necessary and important.
December 1, 2022
Una excelente guía con definiciones detalladas, testimonios de personas y preguntas para ayudarte a reflexionar. También me gustó que al final de los capítulos el libro te invita a tomar un break y respirar.
February 25, 2025
I took my sweet time with this book and cannot thank it enough for all the wonderful ways it helped me ponder and unlock such beautiful parts of myself. ❤️
March 3, 2021
Amazing book. A must read for all, regardless of gender identity.
October 23, 2024
Necessari.
May 7, 2024
Un libro esencial para todo tipo de personas, sea cual sea tu expresión o identidad de género. Por favor, leerlo y hagamos del mundo un lugar mejor.
January 20, 2024
Everyone should read this. Seriously, everyone.
January 21, 2022
Je l'avais commencé fin 2021, mais entre les cours et le début de mon stage, je n'ai pas pu m'y consacrer comme il fallait, et surtout comme il le méritait. J'ai donc profité de ma semaine de vacances pour me poser et le lire. Et quel livre !
Étant moi-même non-binaire, les identités de genre sont un sujet qui m'intéresse énormément, et j'ai beaucoup appris de ce livre. À travers les différents chapitres de cet ouvrage, les auteur·rices nous proposent différents exercices d'introspection, leurs réflexions sur la société d'aujourd'hui, des conseils, ainsi que des témoignages de personnes aux expériences variées. Et bien sûr, tout cela écrit avec toujours autant de bienveillance que dans "Vous n'êtes pas binaires" ! Et c'est tellement appréciable !
Je pense qu'il s'agit d'une lecture aussi importante qu'enrichissante, qui apporte beaucoup, que vous soyez cisgenre ou non.
Étant moi-même non-binaire, les identités de genre sont un sujet qui m'intéresse énormément, et j'ai beaucoup appris de ce livre. À travers les différents chapitres de cet ouvrage, les auteur·rices nous proposent différents exercices d'introspection, leurs réflexions sur la société d'aujourd'hui, des conseils, ainsi que des témoignages de personnes aux expériences variées. Et bien sûr, tout cela écrit avec toujours autant de bienveillance que dans "Vous n'êtes pas binaires" ! Et c'est tellement appréciable !
Je pense qu'il s'agit d'une lecture aussi importante qu'enrichissante, qui apporte beaucoup, que vous soyez cisgenre ou non.
December 9, 2018
The gender binary is toxic.
It should be obvious by now that the gender binary is a total construct. The idea of trying to force these hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine roles and ideologies on people based on biological sex is ludicrous if you think about it.
On top of that, what is masculine and what is feminine is also a construct.
This whole system needs to be deconstructed.
It seems kind of silly. And arbitrary.
Ok, so maybe this stuff has been obvious to a lot of people, but as a straight cis male, it’s not something I’ve given a ton of thought to, regardless of my support for the LGBT community.
I mean, I’ve known that the gender binary was problematic, but after thinking about it, I realize it’s just plain stupid and nonsensical.
I remember once when I was little, I put a barrette into my brother’s hair. When my dad saw what I did he was pissed , and I was punished for this infraction by wearing a barrette in my hair for the rest of the day. Because what worse punishment could there be for little boy than wearing something a little girl has to wear? I’m sorry, but the gender binary is just fucking toxic.
Many people trying to force this gender binary results in abuse, destroyed relationships, and homeless kids. And, no, I don’t think I’m being dramatic.
I remember being shamed by family for not cutting my nails when they needed it. “Hey, sweetie, want some nail polish?”
And in my home we barely touched the tip of that iceberg. I know I was a disappointment to my father for not being the athletic boy he wanted. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be gay - or even slightly feminine.
But reading this book has made me do a lot of thinking. I started it a few months ago, read about ½ of it, and then came back to it just recently and started it over.
It’s helped me to understand what other people might be going through - but even to understand myself, a cis het male, even better.
Growing up, I didn’t fit the mold of how boys were supposed to be. Mainly, I wasn’t a misogynist asshole. Which, oddly, I sometimes feel like kept me from dating. (Since I didn’t aggressively cat-call and leer at and sexually objectify girls, I think a lot of people assumed I wasn’t straight.)
I can see how straight cis male groups have been closed to me. Well - because my gender expression is male, these groups weren’t “closed” - but I felt like an outsider because everything else about me relates to women better. I’m more comfortable with women. I prefer talking to women. At the risk of sounding sexist, women (to me) appear to be smarter, kinder, and more interesting. So being in The South™, it’s not quite so easy to jump into groups of men (when married couples here get together, they often segregate by gender) and feel comfortable and talkative. Especially when they’re talking about nothing I have any interest in. Football. Hunting. Guns. Sometimes when the conversation turns around to work it gets interesting. And if movies come up (thank god!) I actually can add to the conversation. But most of the time, I hate it. It took me 15 years in North Alabama to find men that I could carry on conversations with.
They raise some great questions in the book.
Why is gender identity suddenly a thing? (It’s not, BTW.)
Why are we so fixated on labeling people’s gender? (I don’t know.)
When I relate so well to the feminine, why am I so comfortable expressing myself as masculine? (Is it because it feels right to me - or because I was socialized for it to feel right to me?) [The book didn’t raise this question - I did as I was reading it.]
In history, how has the world approached gender identity? (Spoiler, Christianity and colonization has fucked this up beyond belief.)
I highly recommend this book to anyone who might be interested in gender identity. It covers a lot of bases.
It should be obvious by now that the gender binary is a total construct. The idea of trying to force these hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine roles and ideologies on people based on biological sex is ludicrous if you think about it.
On top of that, what is masculine and what is feminine is also a construct.
This whole system needs to be deconstructed.
It seems kind of silly. And arbitrary.
Ok, so maybe this stuff has been obvious to a lot of people, but as a straight cis male, it’s not something I’ve given a ton of thought to, regardless of my support for the LGBT community.
I mean, I’ve known that the gender binary was problematic, but after thinking about it, I realize it’s just plain stupid and nonsensical.
I remember once when I was little, I put a barrette into my brother’s hair. When my dad saw what I did he was pissed , and I was punished for this infraction by wearing a barrette in my hair for the rest of the day. Because what worse punishment could there be for little boy than wearing something a little girl has to wear? I’m sorry, but the gender binary is just fucking toxic.
Many people trying to force this gender binary results in abuse, destroyed relationships, and homeless kids. And, no, I don’t think I’m being dramatic.
I remember being shamed by family for not cutting my nails when they needed it. “Hey, sweetie, want some nail polish?”
And in my home we barely touched the tip of that iceberg. I know I was a disappointment to my father for not being the athletic boy he wanted. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be gay - or even slightly feminine.
But reading this book has made me do a lot of thinking. I started it a few months ago, read about ½ of it, and then came back to it just recently and started it over.
It’s helped me to understand what other people might be going through - but even to understand myself, a cis het male, even better.
Growing up, I didn’t fit the mold of how boys were supposed to be. Mainly, I wasn’t a misogynist asshole. Which, oddly, I sometimes feel like kept me from dating. (Since I didn’t aggressively cat-call and leer at and sexually objectify girls, I think a lot of people assumed I wasn’t straight.)
I can see how straight cis male groups have been closed to me. Well - because my gender expression is male, these groups weren’t “closed” - but I felt like an outsider because everything else about me relates to women better. I’m more comfortable with women. I prefer talking to women. At the risk of sounding sexist, women (to me) appear to be smarter, kinder, and more interesting. So being in The South™, it’s not quite so easy to jump into groups of men (when married couples here get together, they often segregate by gender) and feel comfortable and talkative. Especially when they’re talking about nothing I have any interest in. Football. Hunting. Guns. Sometimes when the conversation turns around to work it gets interesting. And if movies come up (thank god!) I actually can add to the conversation. But most of the time, I hate it. It took me 15 years in North Alabama to find men that I could carry on conversations with.
They raise some great questions in the book.
Why is gender identity suddenly a thing? (It’s not, BTW.)
Why are we so fixated on labeling people’s gender? (I don’t know.)
When I relate so well to the feminine, why am I so comfortable expressing myself as masculine? (Is it because it feels right to me - or because I was socialized for it to feel right to me?) [The book didn’t raise this question - I did as I was reading it.]
In history, how has the world approached gender identity? (Spoiler, Christianity and colonization has fucked this up beyond belief.)
I highly recommend this book to anyone who might be interested in gender identity. It covers a lot of bases.
June 29, 2017
How To Understand Your Gender is a guide to gender diversity and living with gender that is aimed at anyone who could be interested in reading it—people questioning their own gender, those who want to read more about gender to support people around them, or anyone who is curious in some way or another about aspects of gender and its diversity in the twenty-first century. The book is a general guide which contains discussions of biology and psychology, practical exercises, definitions of various terms, and personal accounts from both the authors and others.
It is written by people who identify as trans, which gives it a level of personal experience rather than feeling like some academic or theoretical book. The tone is soft and open, one likely to be familiar to people who know spaces that are open to all genders and sexualities, with an emphasis on self-care in each chapter, particularly after the exercises. These interactive parts are all repeated stated to be optional too, allowing people who aren’t comfortable with looking into their own gender to still read the book and maybe come back to these parts. Importantly, from the introduction the book discusses intersectionality and encourages people to take an intersectional approach to gender, considering how other elements of identity and life can affect it. These elements all make it a good initial book to read on gender, one which provides further reading suggestions and tries to stay open-ended and positive throughout.
As a practical guide and an introduction to considering gender, How To Understand Your Gender will undoubtedly be crucial to many people. In particular, it does not assume foreknowledge on matters of gender and sexuality, meaning it could be a book read by people young and old who may be approaching the topic in an entirely new way for the first time. It is the kind of book to be read alongside others like Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook, maybe as a starting point before delving into the greater personal reflection of Bornstein’s book, or to be given or suggested to those close to somebody who is trans or who is questioning their gender identity who want more information on the topic.
It is written by people who identify as trans, which gives it a level of personal experience rather than feeling like some academic or theoretical book. The tone is soft and open, one likely to be familiar to people who know spaces that are open to all genders and sexualities, with an emphasis on self-care in each chapter, particularly after the exercises. These interactive parts are all repeated stated to be optional too, allowing people who aren’t comfortable with looking into their own gender to still read the book and maybe come back to these parts. Importantly, from the introduction the book discusses intersectionality and encourages people to take an intersectional approach to gender, considering how other elements of identity and life can affect it. These elements all make it a good initial book to read on gender, one which provides further reading suggestions and tries to stay open-ended and positive throughout.
As a practical guide and an introduction to considering gender, How To Understand Your Gender will undoubtedly be crucial to many people. In particular, it does not assume foreknowledge on matters of gender and sexuality, meaning it could be a book read by people young and old who may be approaching the topic in an entirely new way for the first time. It is the kind of book to be read alongside others like Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook, maybe as a starting point before delving into the greater personal reflection of Bornstein’s book, or to be given or suggested to those close to somebody who is trans or who is questioning their gender identity who want more information on the topic.
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