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High on Arrival
The eldest daughter of John Phillips and stepdaughter of Michelle Phillips, both lead singers of the 1960s band The Mamas and The Papas, Mackenzie Phillips grew up in a wild household, where a typical evening might include rolling joints for her dad or fending off advances by Mick Jagger. Far from idyllic, she describes her parents’ home as “dirty and broken” with “very little going on inside except sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”. But in spite of the turmoil at home, Mackenzie found success onscreen, becoming famous at age fourteen for her role in the iconic film American Graffiti, which landed her a starring role as Julie Cooper on the hit sitcom One Day at a Time alongside America’s sweetheart Valerie Bertinelli. Even though she seemed to have it all, Mackenzie couldn’t escape the dark secrets and constant drug use at home and began to use herself. Her professional life suffered and she was written out of the show. For the next two decades she battled her drug addiction, going through rehab several times, and managing to stay clean for ten years, until Labor Day 2008, when she landed back in the tabloids for possession of cocaine and heroin at LAX. What led to her relapse is a shocking, life-long secret that she’ll reveal in-depth for the first time here, in High on Arrival .. Riveting, heart-wrenching, yet ultimately uplifting, Mackenzie’s story is an all-too-real testament to the power of drugs—but it’s also a story of courage, forgiveness, and true redemption. .
292 pages, Hardcover
First published September 23, 2009
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About the author
Mackenzie Phillips
7 books84 followersLaura Mackenzie Phillips is an American actress and singer best known for her roles in American Graffiti and as rebellious teenager Julie Cooper Horvath on the sitcom One Day at a Time.
In September 2009, Phillips' memoir High on Arrival was released. Phillips appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show for an hour-long interview. She told Winfrey that she first tried cocaine when she was 11 years old, and that her father did drugs with her and injected her with cocaine.
During the interview, Phillips read excerpts from her book. She said that at the age of 19, on the night before her first wedding, "I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father." Both reportedly were under the influence of drugs at the time. Phillips then told Winfrey, "It became a consensual relationship," describing her participation as "sort of Stockholm Syndrome, where you begin to love your captor."
Phillips said the incestuous relationship lasted ten years, and that she ended it when she became pregnant and did not know who had fathered the child. She stated that her father paid for her to have an abortion, "and I never let him touch me again."
In September 2009, Phillips' memoir High on Arrival was released. Phillips appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show for an hour-long interview. She told Winfrey that she first tried cocaine when she was 11 years old, and that her father did drugs with her and injected her with cocaine.
During the interview, Phillips read excerpts from her book. She said that at the age of 19, on the night before her first wedding, "I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father." Both reportedly were under the influence of drugs at the time. Phillips then told Winfrey, "It became a consensual relationship," describing her participation as "sort of Stockholm Syndrome, where you begin to love your captor."
Phillips said the incestuous relationship lasted ten years, and that she ended it when she became pregnant and did not know who had fathered the child. She stated that her father paid for her to have an abortion, "and I never let him touch me again."
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February 26, 2010
Wow. This memoir was hard to read and hard to put down. Whatever may be going on in Ms. Phillips's life at the moment, or whatever may have motivated her to write this, I really felt like she was trying very hard to be truthful. I grew up during the same era and though my life wasn't the least bit like hers, some of her experiences and feelings really resonated with me. I wish her all the best in her recovery and hope that she can stay sober.
ETA: I've read a couple of GR reviews that take issue with the fact that John Phillips received a liver transplant despite his reckless drug abuse, and with the fact that he continued to use alcohol (and probably other drugs) after his transplant. As a transplant nurse I would like to mention that there are guidelines in place for transplantation and that the available organs go to the sickest patients, there is no second-guessing or morality involved. It's not an ideal situation--I've seen organs given to patients who have tested positive for drugs when they come in for transplant, and I've seen patients resume their drinking/drugging behavior after transplant. It's very rare but unfortunately it does happen. As it stands now in the US patients cannot be denied transplant because of their personality defects. There are simply not enough organs available, so the sickest patients are at the top of the list regardles of how they got there or what the indications might be for their behavior post-operatively.
My little rant here has a moral--Donate Life! Be an organ donor.
ETA: I've read a couple of GR reviews that take issue with the fact that John Phillips received a liver transplant despite his reckless drug abuse, and with the fact that he continued to use alcohol (and probably other drugs) after his transplant. As a transplant nurse I would like to mention that there are guidelines in place for transplantation and that the available organs go to the sickest patients, there is no second-guessing or morality involved. It's not an ideal situation--I've seen organs given to patients who have tested positive for drugs when they come in for transplant, and I've seen patients resume their drinking/drugging behavior after transplant. It's very rare but unfortunately it does happen. As it stands now in the US patients cannot be denied transplant because of their personality defects. There are simply not enough organs available, so the sickest patients are at the top of the list regardles of how they got there or what the indications might be for their behavior post-operatively.
My little rant here has a moral--Donate Life! Be an organ donor.
March 19, 2012
Wow. I think this was definitely the hardest autobiography I have ever read. I can't even really decide what my opinion is on this book. At moments I loved it and at moments I just felt so bad for Mackenzie that I had a hard time getting through the rest of the book. And yes, sometimes I wanted to knock some sense into her.
She had such a horrible childhood, raised by her totally useless father (except to music, he was John Phillips of The Mamas and The Papas) who really didn't care what she did as long as she didn't ruin his high. Other useless characters in this book are Mick Jagger who seduced Mackenzie at age 18 and said something to the effect that he had been "watching and waiting for her" since like age 10. Creeper much? Also, Keith Richards, who drove a car with a juvenile Mackenzie in the backseat at 125 miles per hour.
I really don't know anything about this family as I am not a fan of The Mamas and The Papas (I like one song, total, and I don't much care for that one now either) and I never watched "One Day at a Time." I did like Wilson Phillips (Mackenzie's sister Chynna was a member of this group), though.
Essentially, Mackenzie was raised in a drug filled home. And by "drug filled," I mean hypodermic needles all over the floor and pills and cocaine stashed everywhere. I feel so bad that she was raised in this environment. Part of me feels that she had no choice but to grow up and be an addict herself, since that was all she ever saw or knew. Mackenzie did end up cleaning up her act a couple of times. She was even sober for like 15 years one time. I think she is sober now, too.
Mackenzie also had an incestuous relationship with her father for many years. At some points she calls it consensual and at others she calls it rape. Whatever it was, it was wrong and her dad was sick. At one point, she even aborted a fetus that could have been his. Gosh. How do you even wrap your head around that? Several of her family members have called her a liar since she made this allegation public and publicly disowned her. Michelle Phillips is one of the people publicly calling her a liar. Michelle Phillips was part of the scene when Mackenzie was given drugs at such a young age so I think she should just shut up. I believe Mackenzie. This book paints Mackenzie in a horrible light and I can't see what she would stand to gain from it, so I can't see why she would lie.
I hope that by writing this memoir, she finds some kind of peace.
She had such a horrible childhood, raised by her totally useless father (except to music, he was John Phillips of The Mamas and The Papas) who really didn't care what she did as long as she didn't ruin his high. Other useless characters in this book are Mick Jagger who seduced Mackenzie at age 18 and said something to the effect that he had been "watching and waiting for her" since like age 10. Creeper much? Also, Keith Richards, who drove a car with a juvenile Mackenzie in the backseat at 125 miles per hour.
I really don't know anything about this family as I am not a fan of The Mamas and The Papas (I like one song, total, and I don't much care for that one now either) and I never watched "One Day at a Time." I did like Wilson Phillips (Mackenzie's sister Chynna was a member of this group), though.
Essentially, Mackenzie was raised in a drug filled home. And by "drug filled," I mean hypodermic needles all over the floor and pills and cocaine stashed everywhere. I feel so bad that she was raised in this environment. Part of me feels that she had no choice but to grow up and be an addict herself, since that was all she ever saw or knew. Mackenzie did end up cleaning up her act a couple of times. She was even sober for like 15 years one time. I think she is sober now, too.
Mackenzie also had an incestuous relationship with her father for many years. At some points she calls it consensual and at others she calls it rape. Whatever it was, it was wrong and her dad was sick. At one point, she even aborted a fetus that could have been his. Gosh. How do you even wrap your head around that? Several of her family members have called her a liar since she made this allegation public and publicly disowned her. Michelle Phillips is one of the people publicly calling her a liar. Michelle Phillips was part of the scene when Mackenzie was given drugs at such a young age so I think she should just shut up. I believe Mackenzie. This book paints Mackenzie in a horrible light and I can't see what she would stand to gain from it, so I can't see why she would lie.
I hope that by writing this memoir, she finds some kind of peace.
October 18, 2009
"She's just fourteen
Little movie star queen...
She's always too high on arrival
She runs on her high platform heels
She falls flat on her face
She knows how life feels
And she's just fourteen."
This excerpt from a John Phillips song sums up, in many ways, the journey of Mackenzie Phillips, from the star studded circle of celebrities who were an entourage in her father's life and hers by extension to the near-death experiences that punctuated her existence.
In these settings and with drugs and a life of no rules as her constant companions, it is no surprise that she took to drugs like a "duck takes to water."
The surprising part of this celebrity memoir is the in-depth soul-searching Ms. Phillips has had to do in order to earn and maintain her sobriety. With many slips and relapses behind her, some of which were quite public, she has fiercely sought the answers that would eventually win for her the right to a "normal" life.
Admitting the incestuous relationship between herself and her father took guts. And acknowledging her "complicity" could not have been easy either. It would have been so much simpler to lay all the blame on the "abuser," although in my opinion, he, as the person in the "power" position in the relationship should bear the brunt of responsibility. Nevertheless, the role drugs played was significant.
Overcoming addiction is a day-to-day battle that will consume the rest of her life, but her story ends on a positive note, as she talks about the strengths she has finally discovered within herself.
A completely forthright, heart-wrenching and perilous story that should help others suffering the same fate, "High On Arrival" is a memorable and courageous tribute to an embattled life.
Little movie star queen...
She's always too high on arrival
She runs on her high platform heels
She falls flat on her face
She knows how life feels
And she's just fourteen."
This excerpt from a John Phillips song sums up, in many ways, the journey of Mackenzie Phillips, from the star studded circle of celebrities who were an entourage in her father's life and hers by extension to the near-death experiences that punctuated her existence.
In these settings and with drugs and a life of no rules as her constant companions, it is no surprise that she took to drugs like a "duck takes to water."
The surprising part of this celebrity memoir is the in-depth soul-searching Ms. Phillips has had to do in order to earn and maintain her sobriety. With many slips and relapses behind her, some of which were quite public, she has fiercely sought the answers that would eventually win for her the right to a "normal" life.
Admitting the incestuous relationship between herself and her father took guts. And acknowledging her "complicity" could not have been easy either. It would have been so much simpler to lay all the blame on the "abuser," although in my opinion, he, as the person in the "power" position in the relationship should bear the brunt of responsibility. Nevertheless, the role drugs played was significant.
Overcoming addiction is a day-to-day battle that will consume the rest of her life, but her story ends on a positive note, as she talks about the strengths she has finally discovered within herself.
A completely forthright, heart-wrenching and perilous story that should help others suffering the same fate, "High On Arrival" is a memorable and courageous tribute to an embattled life.
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June 7, 2023Can't even bring myself to rate this
I am so fucking disturbed and disgusted.
I am so fucking disturbed and disgusted.
June 28, 2023
i have huge admiration for mack's bravery and candor in this reflective memoir. her father raised her to be an addict, and she is phenomenal for surviving so many years of heavy drug use and coming out the other side.
celebrity memoirs, and particularly those of abuse and addiction, are tricky. where is the line between money-grubbing sensationalism and cathartic confession? i'm not sure, but none of the disturbing details mack shares here feel like they're included for shock value. they're included because they're part of the story, part of the long road that brought mack through severe drug addiction, recovery and motherhood, grief and relapse into addiction, and back to sobriety.
she spares no detail about the gritty reality of her drug use, which escalated over the years. and as it was one of her earliest and most reliable coping mechanisms, i don't blame her for sounding almost nostalgic for the zonked out days she's left behind.
and she is detailed about other things as well. the lavish drug-infused party house of her youth comes to life, and she describes in beautiful detail many of the homes she lived in, as well as her over-the-top outfits. on the flipside, she often mentions that she doesn't remember certain moments or details, because much of her life has been spent in a drug haze.
huge props to mack for speaking with such candor about her father, in particular. her daddy issues are deep rooted in a neglectful childhood. i can understand how in the depths of addiction, she came to accept the sexual abuse inflicted upon her, and eventually became self-destructively complicit in their incest. from the way she talks about her relationship with her dad, it's clear that she has done a ton of work in therapy. she is brave as hell for being honest about her story, and for having achieved such growth.
celebrity memoirs, and particularly those of abuse and addiction, are tricky. where is the line between money-grubbing sensationalism and cathartic confession? i'm not sure, but none of the disturbing details mack shares here feel like they're included for shock value. they're included because they're part of the story, part of the long road that brought mack through severe drug addiction, recovery and motherhood, grief and relapse into addiction, and back to sobriety.
she spares no detail about the gritty reality of her drug use, which escalated over the years. and as it was one of her earliest and most reliable coping mechanisms, i don't blame her for sounding almost nostalgic for the zonked out days she's left behind.
and she is detailed about other things as well. the lavish drug-infused party house of her youth comes to life, and she describes in beautiful detail many of the homes she lived in, as well as her over-the-top outfits. on the flipside, she often mentions that she doesn't remember certain moments or details, because much of her life has been spent in a drug haze.
huge props to mack for speaking with such candor about her father, in particular. her daddy issues are deep rooted in a neglectful childhood. i can understand how in the depths of addiction, she came to accept the sexual abuse inflicted upon her, and eventually became self-destructively complicit in their incest. from the way she talks about her relationship with her dad, it's clear that she has done a ton of work in therapy. she is brave as hell for being honest about her story, and for having achieved such growth.
February 1, 2011
I just finished this book with tears in my eyes and a big "Wow" in my head. Mackenzie Phillips life story is one of the bravest and most interesting memoirs I've ever had the honor to read. Truly inspiring, she is one amazing woman, there is no "poor, little pitiful me" anywhere in her book, it's told with such amazing candor that it almost leaves me speechless. I'm not sure how to word all this but I know I came away with a deeper understanding of addiction and even learned some things about myself while reading it. I felt her struggles and her pain as I have felt them myself, she put into words things that I cannot. For that I thank her for sharing her story in the hopes that it will help others who struggle with addiction and ghosts from their past. I HIGHLY recommend this memoir to everyone, even those not interested in addiction, I believe everyone could learn something from her story.
February 18, 2018
What a story this is. Mackenzie Phillips is the daughter of John Phillips, lead singer of The Mamas & the Papas. She is, also, a star in her own right on the hit TV sitcom “One Day At A Time”. I was a huge fan of both and still am.
Mackenzie narrates this herself which makes it all that much more heartbreaking. She starts from the beginning of her life until now. The things she endured growing up in the limelight is truly horrific. Some of it is the fault of the family and friends around her and some is her own fault. She acknowledges this. She doesn’t hide the truth. She’s quite honest as she tells her story. I’m just sad that anyone had to go through such a tortured life. I do hope she has settled down now and can live her life in peace.
Mackenzie narrates this herself which makes it all that much more heartbreaking. She starts from the beginning of her life until now. The things she endured growing up in the limelight is truly horrific. Some of it is the fault of the family and friends around her and some is her own fault. She acknowledges this. She doesn’t hide the truth. She’s quite honest as she tells her story. I’m just sad that anyone had to go through such a tortured life. I do hope she has settled down now and can live her life in peace.
September 26, 2009
If all the teen stars of my favorite childhood shows continue to write memoirs, I will continue to read them. Few will top this one, though. Mackenzie Phillips had a drug habit that makes Maureen McCormick's pretty severe cocaine addiction look downright recreational.
Phillips has presented the seamier side of the happy hippie Laurel Canyon life (recently the topic of a pretty coffee table book I just skimmed). Five year olds wandering the beach unsupervised; junior high kids taking acid, snorting coke, and learning from their parents how to roll joints. Her father, Papa John Phillips, would go out of town and leave Mackenzie and her brother in the care of whomever was in his house at the time, or strand her at airports, or in London. His live-and-let-live, as long as it feels good, do it lifestyle was ultimately the death of him, and it goes a long way toward explaining the incestuous behavior that has been generating all the media controversy.
Mackenzie has taken some heat for these revelations, including denials from Michelle and Genevieve, her two step-mothers. Chynna and Bijou Phillips, John's other daughters, report no sexual attention from their father, which has fed the belief that Mackenzie is lying, and brought her condemnation--if she knew he was capable of this, why would she let her younger sisters live alone with John? But what the nay-sayers aren't taking into account are the facts that Mackenzie and John were working as peers at the time (touring as a Mamas & Papas reunion act), and more importantly, using drugs as peers also. These two facts excuse nothing, but explain a lot.
I hope that the fuss around this book doesn't endanger Mackenzie Phillips' fragile hold on sobriety. Good for her, for writing this book, which is gross and juicy and depressing and entertaining.
Phillips has presented the seamier side of the happy hippie Laurel Canyon life (recently the topic of a pretty coffee table book I just skimmed). Five year olds wandering the beach unsupervised; junior high kids taking acid, snorting coke, and learning from their parents how to roll joints. Her father, Papa John Phillips, would go out of town and leave Mackenzie and her brother in the care of whomever was in his house at the time, or strand her at airports, or in London. His live-and-let-live, as long as it feels good, do it lifestyle was ultimately the death of him, and it goes a long way toward explaining the incestuous behavior that has been generating all the media controversy.
Mackenzie has taken some heat for these revelations, including denials from Michelle and Genevieve, her two step-mothers. Chynna and Bijou Phillips, John's other daughters, report no sexual attention from their father, which has fed the belief that Mackenzie is lying, and brought her condemnation--if she knew he was capable of this, why would she let her younger sisters live alone with John? But what the nay-sayers aren't taking into account are the facts that Mackenzie and John were working as peers at the time (touring as a Mamas & Papas reunion act), and more importantly, using drugs as peers also. These two facts excuse nothing, but explain a lot.
I hope that the fuss around this book doesn't endanger Mackenzie Phillips' fragile hold on sobriety. Good for her, for writing this book, which is gross and juicy and depressing and entertaining.
January 7, 2016
"She just got raped again."
I announced that to my partner as I was nearing the end of High on Arrival, Mackenzie Phillips's harrowing memoir of her exceedingly dysfunctional childhood and young adulthood.
She survived a series of rapes throughout her teenage and twentysomething years. Her rampant drug use made her easy prey; it was the '70s and '80s, and rape was still seen as mostly the woman's fault, so none of these rapists were prosecuted or anything. (Kind of like it is now, only worse. At least the public is more educated now, thanks to social media campaigns.)
But probably the most stomach-turning rape was at the hands of her own father, the legendary John Phillips of the '60s singing group The Mamas and the Papas.
Mackenzie Phillips does an honorable job documenting how hard-core addiction can transform a promising young life into the soul-annihilating tedium of living for the next fix. She takes responsibility for her own actions and reveals her own transgressions with bracing honesty.
It's a miracle she lived. It's even more spectacular that she had the courage and fortitude to be so truthful about a sordid past that most people would try to hide at all costs.
Her bravery in telling her story will help those who have also suffered from abuse and neglect to throw off the chains of shame and self-blame and begin to heal.
I announced that to my partner as I was nearing the end of High on Arrival, Mackenzie Phillips's harrowing memoir of her exceedingly dysfunctional childhood and young adulthood.
She survived a series of rapes throughout her teenage and twentysomething years. Her rampant drug use made her easy prey; it was the '70s and '80s, and rape was still seen as mostly the woman's fault, so none of these rapists were prosecuted or anything. (Kind of like it is now, only worse. At least the public is more educated now, thanks to social media campaigns.)
But probably the most stomach-turning rape was at the hands of her own father, the legendary John Phillips of the '60s singing group The Mamas and the Papas.
Mackenzie Phillips does an honorable job documenting how hard-core addiction can transform a promising young life into the soul-annihilating tedium of living for the next fix. She takes responsibility for her own actions and reveals her own transgressions with bracing honesty.
It's a miracle she lived. It's even more spectacular that she had the courage and fortitude to be so truthful about a sordid past that most people would try to hide at all costs.
Her bravery in telling her story will help those who have also suffered from abuse and neglect to throw off the chains of shame and self-blame and begin to heal.
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January 22, 2010There is no way I could rank this book with stars. It was a horrible- sickening- tragic book to read. I would read one chapter and feel physically sick and lay it down to come back to it in a few minutes. If only 1/3 of this book is true, it still will make for one of the worst childhoods around. I always liked the Mamas and Papas and loved their music so even though I was never a Mackenzie Phillip's fan I wanted to read it.
If there is a group out there for sterilization, they need to make John Phillips their poster boy!! He was the most self absorbed disgusting person with the only good quality being his musical ability. His parenting skills were absolutely nil-- example the first time she was arrested for drugs, he said, "Well it's about time. You are now a real Phillips". [or something similar - I refuse to pick up the book again to find the exact quote.
I understand the path she took because she had no higher examples. When a child is taking drugs at 11 years old and her father is supplying a lot of them you don't expect a happy ending. But it was terribly sad that after being clean for many years she would began using again. There may not be any hope for her at all, but I wish her the best in the future.
If there is a group out there for sterilization, they need to make John Phillips their poster boy!! He was the most self absorbed disgusting person with the only good quality being his musical ability. His parenting skills were absolutely nil-- example the first time she was arrested for drugs, he said, "Well it's about time. You are now a real Phillips". [or something similar - I refuse to pick up the book again to find the exact quote.
I understand the path she took because she had no higher examples. When a child is taking drugs at 11 years old and her father is supplying a lot of them you don't expect a happy ending. But it was terribly sad that after being clean for many years she would began using again. There may not be any hope for her at all, but I wish her the best in the future.
August 17, 2024
A rollercoaster ride with an addict is always a ride that I am grateful that I did not have to personally ride. In my life I have observed and known and loved a number of addicts and it has never looked like fun to me.
Mackenzie Phillips has a roller coaster of a ride to tell us about, and she has found her way through and finally (hopefully) into a life of recovery.
Mackenzie Phillips has a roller coaster of a ride to tell us about, and she has found her way through and finally (hopefully) into a life of recovery.
September 14, 2015
OK, I realize everybody wants to know about the part where Mackenzie and her father, John Phillips, Did It. And while this is an admittedly interesting (albeit horrific) part of the story, it's just a small piece of the crazy puzzle that is the author's life. Written with great humor, compassion and intelligence, I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir. As a recovering addict myself, I can attest to the fact that so much drug and alcohol abuse is a means to dull deep, profound, psychic pain. And Mackenzie Phillips has had that in spades.
It also sounds like she had lots of fun, especially on the glam rock scene. I love her extreme style and applauded her decision to play up her long, lanky frame with platform shoes, skintight jeans and slinky tube tops. Look, I would never trade places with her in a million years, but I do appreciate her giving readers a glimpse into her incredible life. In addition to her wild ways, she seems to place great value on friendships. I also enjoyed reading about her private side...this is a woman who has a deep appreciation for beauty and style (I love her descriptions of her various homes) and has a strong bond with animals, as well as a great feel for music. Her description of her high school in Hollywood had me laughing out loud...MP's got a wonderful sense of the absurd.
This review really doesn't do the book justice, but I do want to stress that it's not all about nodding out and getting abused by her father. I saw it as a survivor's account of being dropped into an incredibly bizarre life and finding a way to sanity...sort of like a modern-day Alice in Wonderland.
I do hope Mackenzie maintains her sobriety, as her drug addiction is so extreme it can only lead to death and despair. She deserves better. Reading her family's cruel refutations made my heart ache for her. I hope she takes comfort in the fact that her story will help countless people who are the victims of incest. It takes a brave person to come forward with this story. I really admire this woman and I'm glad I read her book.
It also sounds like she had lots of fun, especially on the glam rock scene. I love her extreme style and applauded her decision to play up her long, lanky frame with platform shoes, skintight jeans and slinky tube tops. Look, I would never trade places with her in a million years, but I do appreciate her giving readers a glimpse into her incredible life. In addition to her wild ways, she seems to place great value on friendships. I also enjoyed reading about her private side...this is a woman who has a deep appreciation for beauty and style (I love her descriptions of her various homes) and has a strong bond with animals, as well as a great feel for music. Her description of her high school in Hollywood had me laughing out loud...MP's got a wonderful sense of the absurd.
This review really doesn't do the book justice, but I do want to stress that it's not all about nodding out and getting abused by her father. I saw it as a survivor's account of being dropped into an incredibly bizarre life and finding a way to sanity...sort of like a modern-day Alice in Wonderland.
I do hope Mackenzie maintains her sobriety, as her drug addiction is so extreme it can only lead to death and despair. She deserves better. Reading her family's cruel refutations made my heart ache for her. I hope she takes comfort in the fact that her story will help countless people who are the victims of incest. It takes a brave person to come forward with this story. I really admire this woman and I'm glad I read her book.
December 14, 2009
Wow, I love a good tell-all, but this reads like a sordid wallow in a really messed up life. The part that left me the most uncomfortable is that she still obviously romanticizes her time as a drug addict. She talks about it kind-of wistfully, as if she misses it.
On top of that, she has a really weird perspective about the people who were in her life at the times she was using. There is a lot of barely-contained bitterness towards her family and friends who wanted to help her, as if she still doesn't truly believe that she ever wanted to quit, and they're responsible for spoiling her good time. On the other hand, when she talks about her dealers and junkie friends, she takes great pains to go on about how great of people they were, other than the drug thing. Because they totally had her best interests at heart when they were giving her cocaine to shoot up while she was trying to leave for rehab.
She has been through treatment in various ways many many times in her life, but it seems like the idea of it really never caught hold for her. Like she quit drugs because she realizes it would kill her and it was hurting her child... but that she didn't really want to, and feels like the whole world is harshing her mellow. Poor her.
On top of that, she has a really weird perspective about the people who were in her life at the times she was using. There is a lot of barely-contained bitterness towards her family and friends who wanted to help her, as if she still doesn't truly believe that she ever wanted to quit, and they're responsible for spoiling her good time. On the other hand, when she talks about her dealers and junkie friends, she takes great pains to go on about how great of people they were, other than the drug thing. Because they totally had her best interests at heart when they were giving her cocaine to shoot up while she was trying to leave for rehab.
She has been through treatment in various ways many many times in her life, but it seems like the idea of it really never caught hold for her. Like she quit drugs because she realizes it would kill her and it was hurting her child... but that she didn't really want to, and feels like the whole world is harshing her mellow. Poor her.
June 10, 2011
I listened to The Mamas & The Papas every once in a while when I was a teenager sitting around my bedroom puffing on a joint enjoying the hippy vibe of the music. I never gave their personal lives any thought at all other than I knew that Cass Elliot had died at a young age. I always thought she died choking on a chicken sandwhich, but appearantly she died from a heart attack. Not sure where I got the choking story from...
After reading this memoir I'm not sure I will look at the movie stars going in, and out of rehab the same again. I feel really sad for those high paid actors/actresses that are depleting their bank accounts on poison. They hit rock bottom, left with nothing to show of their fotune, and the well has long run dry by the time regret sets in. It's sad when anyone becomes addicted to drugs, but it also dissapoints when one has the world on a silver platter and they toss the world off to make room for the coke.
In a way Mackenzie Phillips didn't satnd a chance. She had no structure as a child, and both of the adults in her life had substance abuse problems. She was loved, but it takes more than love to raise a child.
There were some pretty heavy revelations in this book, and I mean the shocking kind. I actually had to reread a sentence in this book to make sure I read it correctly because the truth was just so shocking.
I don't want to give away to much in this review, but this is an excellent memoir about drug addiction, and the battle it takes to beat that monster into the ground so you can stay on top of it.
After reading this memoir I'm not sure I will look at the movie stars going in, and out of rehab the same again. I feel really sad for those high paid actors/actresses that are depleting their bank accounts on poison. They hit rock bottom, left with nothing to show of their fotune, and the well has long run dry by the time regret sets in. It's sad when anyone becomes addicted to drugs, but it also dissapoints when one has the world on a silver platter and they toss the world off to make room for the coke.
In a way Mackenzie Phillips didn't satnd a chance. She had no structure as a child, and both of the adults in her life had substance abuse problems. She was loved, but it takes more than love to raise a child.
There were some pretty heavy revelations in this book, and I mean the shocking kind. I actually had to reread a sentence in this book to make sure I read it correctly because the truth was just so shocking.
I don't want to give away to much in this review, but this is an excellent memoir about drug addiction, and the battle it takes to beat that monster into the ground so you can stay on top of it.
August 25, 2012
This was a very disturbing book, and straight off the bat I would say that it's definitely not a book intended for younger readers. It's graphic, it's detailed, and it's the life of a very tormented woman, who surprisingly, has been candid with her story, much to the apparent chagrin of the rest of her estranged family. I'm giving it 4 stars. It was a book that I had trouble reading, because of the disgusting details within, and a book that I couldn't put down, because of the heartwrenching life that was attempting to survive by detailing these experiences. I can't go into a much more descriptive dialogue, without giving things away, but I will say that I do hope that Mackenzie will stay clean for the remainder of her days. 4 stars. Worthy read for those who remember One Day at a Time, who recall watching Ms. Phillips unravel before the public eye (kind of reminds me of our present day Lindsay Lohan, except that I believe M.P. is far more gifted ). If you enjoy reading about the psycho-social aspects of drug addiction in children, adolescents, and adults, and all that goes with those topics, then this is a good book for you. If you're a gentle soul who is easily disturbed by the often lurid details of drug addiction, then you might not enjoy this book. I was able to read it in one weekend.
April 30, 2010
Just when I might start thinking that I'm a bad parent or spouse, something like this book comes along to put a different perspective on things. Normally, if I give a book four stars, it means I recommend the book. Three stars would mean I like it but don't necessarily recommend it. I've debated back and forth what to give this book. I'm not sure I feel comfortable recommending it but the writing and story certainly are compelling and deserving of four or five stars. It is ofttimes downright depressing and sad. It is certainly a window on a world of addiction, hedonism, fame, self-deception, selfishness, anger, incest, and other associated negative issues. It is very candid and direct and often confronts very troubling topics. There is language in the book that some will find offensive but it is not out of context. It is also a book about one woman's struggle amidst all these things to find love, direction, and meaning. After reading the book, I am certainly pulling for Mackenzie Phillips to continue to stay clean, almost against all odds.
March 8, 2022
I really thought I’d give this book 4 stars most of the way through because to be that honest - wow. And the book was well written. And Phillips was and is so kind to people who are idiots. But here’s why I changed my mind:
The book exhausted me. Phillips said she didn’t write about her good 15 years clean and dry because it would be boring. Nope. It would have provided some relief from all the craziness.
Phillips only got clean when she got caught. Then she’d relapse. I began to wonder if she was writing the book to get money so when she screwed up again she could afford drugs. That’s mean I know but she was 50 when she wrote this and had been clean such a short time - was it really fair for her to expect her readers to believe that this time everything was peachy? Because 2 people told her they “saw” a person who was through with drugs?
It bothers me also that while she repeatedly spoke of her dad as a flawed human that she was still so needy. Please. He was a self-centered disgusting piece of crap
And finally I never felt like this woman really had any desire to give up drugs. She still seems as odd and self centered at 50 as she was at 20. For all of her efforts at navel gazing she never really seemed to understand how selfish her behavior was.
In the end I can’t believe I read this book. I felt like I’d pulled over to the side of a road to watch a bunch of people crawl out of car accidents
The book exhausted me. Phillips said she didn’t write about her good 15 years clean and dry because it would be boring. Nope. It would have provided some relief from all the craziness.
Phillips only got clean when she got caught. Then she’d relapse. I began to wonder if she was writing the book to get money so when she screwed up again she could afford drugs. That’s mean I know but she was 50 when she wrote this and had been clean such a short time - was it really fair for her to expect her readers to believe that this time everything was peachy? Because 2 people told her they “saw” a person who was through with drugs?
It bothers me also that while she repeatedly spoke of her dad as a flawed human that she was still so needy. Please. He was a self-centered disgusting piece of crap
And finally I never felt like this woman really had any desire to give up drugs. She still seems as odd and self centered at 50 as she was at 20. For all of her efforts at navel gazing she never really seemed to understand how selfish her behavior was.
In the end I can’t believe I read this book. I felt like I’d pulled over to the side of a road to watch a bunch of people crawl out of car accidents
February 2, 2010
I'm a sucker for celebrity biographies and memoirs, but wasn't prepared for the raw sucker punch of Mackenzie Phillip's story. Frankly, I'm not sure how she isn't dead yet after reading page after page of the drug abuse, violence, and neglect that shaped her life. From the blackouts during which she slept with her father to her firing from One Day At A Time, her drug habit ruled her -- mind, body, and soul.
High On Arrival begins in her childhood, when she would be unsupervised in her father's (Mamas and Papas John Phillips) mansion, privy to drug orgies and decadence and ends with her holed up in her house shooting up heroin as the cycle repeats itself as she neglects her own son in her desperation for the next high. She manages to kick the habit for stretches, but is always lured back by her addicted body -- even in the end, as she writes how she has finally gone clean for her son, there is a wistful edge that tells the reader how easy it would be for her slip comfortably back into that drug-addled life. One can only hope that after all she's been through, she will continue to stay the course.
High On Arrival begins in her childhood, when she would be unsupervised in her father's (Mamas and Papas John Phillips) mansion, privy to drug orgies and decadence and ends with her holed up in her house shooting up heroin as the cycle repeats itself as she neglects her own son in her desperation for the next high. She manages to kick the habit for stretches, but is always lured back by her addicted body -- even in the end, as she writes how she has finally gone clean for her son, there is a wistful edge that tells the reader how easy it would be for her slip comfortably back into that drug-addled life. One can only hope that after all she's been through, she will continue to stay the course.
April 29, 2019
To say this was a difficult read would be a massive understatement, but I also couldn't put it down. I find it sad that there are so many people with everything: talent, fame, fortune, love--who throw it away by getting addicted to drugs, but Phillips, without spelling it out, explains this to a certain extent. The emotional pain, the crazy schedules, the influence of those around her that made a drug-fuelled lifestyle seem normal and okay from the time she was a child, the easy access and non-stop flow of cash, made it almost inevitable that Phillips would end up where she did.
I hope Phillips stays clean this time, for her, but mostly for her son and loved ones, who might travel their own dark paths if they lose her. She shows through her unflinching honesty how drug addiction affects those around the addict. It took a lot of courage to write this book.
I'd recommend it for those with a taste for "seedy side of Hollywood" memoirs, with a cautionary note that this book isn't an escapist read. You are down there in the muck with Phillips, living her hell. It is a place most readers will be very grateful to leave.
I hope Phillips stays clean this time, for her, but mostly for her son and loved ones, who might travel their own dark paths if they lose her. She shows through her unflinching honesty how drug addiction affects those around the addict. It took a lot of courage to write this book.
I'd recommend it for those with a taste for "seedy side of Hollywood" memoirs, with a cautionary note that this book isn't an escapist read. You are down there in the muck with Phillips, living her hell. It is a place most readers will be very grateful to leave.
September 13, 2012
This book seems to be as much about "Papa" John Phillips as it is about Mackenzie herself. His presence is felt on every page. While being an exceptionally talented songwriter, he was one very poor excuse for a human being and father. He was the consummate hedonist; a man who lived every day of his adult life by the old 60's mantra: "If it feels good, do it". In his case, this covered everything from drug use to incest. Mackenzie was unfortunately one of his victims whose life until recently was stolen by her father's selfish and destructive behavior. She accepts her share of the blame for life she has lived as well, but in my view , she never had a chance for anything much different. I cannot overstate what a poor role model he was for his daughter.
All that said, she's written a pretty honest and interesting memoir of her struggles and her triumphs . Made pretty interesting reading. If you ever get tempted to gripe about how you were raised, give this book a look. Whatever problems you had with your parents won't seem so bad.
All that said, she's written a pretty honest and interesting memoir of her struggles and her triumphs . Made pretty interesting reading. If you ever get tempted to gripe about how you were raised, give this book a look. Whatever problems you had with your parents won't seem so bad.
August 21, 2017
It's hard to rate a book that is so personal to the author. I did appreciate her take on the different forms of treatment and what finally worked for her. It felt different than other "recovering addict" books in that it felt concluded. (That the book wasn't just a means to make money to go back to being an addict.) I believe her when she says she is done for good and that made my heart happy.
October 21, 2024
YOLO.
What a story and told so well. So much to take in, from Hollywood to New York and so many places remembered or not. The details are vivid and the writing flows organically.
Sometimes things are told with some really funny humor. There are other very serious parts of this book that requires some maturity. The bravery of telling is to be applauded. Reality is what we share and we share to help us to learn.
This book reveals what drug addiction leads to. How it creeps in and takes over. How it dares its users to stop and face withdrawal.
What a story and told so well. So much to take in, from Hollywood to New York and so many places remembered or not. The details are vivid and the writing flows organically.
Sometimes things are told with some really funny humor. There are other very serious parts of this book that requires some maturity. The bravery of telling is to be applauded. Reality is what we share and we share to help us to learn.
This book reveals what drug addiction leads to. How it creeps in and takes over. How it dares its users to stop and face withdrawal.
March 1, 2010
Ugh. I love celebrity/my life sucked memoirs. And I was totally chomping at the bit to read this one. It was a months-long exercise in self control to not drop the $20 on it at the book store before the library produced it for me.
But I prevailed and boy am I happy I did because I would be pretty sad had I dropped $20 on this thing.
Here is the deal: MacKenzie Phillips had an insane life. But it appears as though it was so insane she couldn't write about it coherently. Which I guess might be what happens if you spend the better part of your existence shooting coke?
Also, seriously, who actually shoots coke? Jeez.
The thing about this is, you sort of know the whole family is fucked up and in a world of drugs and excess. And you are excited to read her memoir and hear about it from the inside. And it was crazy. I mean, she did more drugs than are humanly imaginable and her father had sex with her and she was raped and kidnapped and good lord knows what else. And yet, she managed to make it a boring read.
So boring that I was skimming for the good bits. She basically just likes to yap yap yap, not telling stories, rationalizing and good lord knows what. I'm sure she's a nice person and ridiculously serious kudos to her for cleaning herself up in light of her insane upbringing, but this book just shows how important it is to also be a good writer.
In short, her publishers should have gotten her a ghost writer. At least for my personal joy.
But they didn't, so the book is all I shot this and then I smoked that and then party this and party that and it jumps back and forth and all over the place in time and nothing builds on anything else. Maybe she should have read Russel Brand's memoir to learn how to write a celeb addiction story.
Disappointing.
But I prevailed and boy am I happy I did because I would be pretty sad had I dropped $20 on this thing.
Here is the deal: MacKenzie Phillips had an insane life. But it appears as though it was so insane she couldn't write about it coherently. Which I guess might be what happens if you spend the better part of your existence shooting coke?
Also, seriously, who actually shoots coke? Jeez.
The thing about this is, you sort of know the whole family is fucked up and in a world of drugs and excess. And you are excited to read her memoir and hear about it from the inside. And it was crazy. I mean, she did more drugs than are humanly imaginable and her father had sex with her and she was raped and kidnapped and good lord knows what else. And yet, she managed to make it a boring read.
So boring that I was skimming for the good bits. She basically just likes to yap yap yap, not telling stories, rationalizing and good lord knows what. I'm sure she's a nice person and ridiculously serious kudos to her for cleaning herself up in light of her insane upbringing, but this book just shows how important it is to also be a good writer.
In short, her publishers should have gotten her a ghost writer. At least for my personal joy.
But they didn't, so the book is all I shot this and then I smoked that and then party this and party that and it jumps back and forth and all over the place in time and nothing builds on anything else. Maybe she should have read Russel Brand's memoir to learn how to write a celeb addiction story.
Disappointing.
July 4, 2012
I can't say that I've been a fan of Mackenzie's ... but I like reading bios. I read Valerie Bertinelli's book in August and John Phillips' book a couple years ago. Plus One Day at a Time was one of my favourite shows when I was in my teens.
Mackenzie's had a wacky childhood ... but I couldn't feel any sympathy for her at all as I was reading this book.
She still definitely needs help. She has been exposed to and addicted to drugs for most of her life (and she tells you all the details about it) and has gone through rehab a couple times to clean out. The last line in her book says that she is once again clean and now "free".
She has many many issues with her dad. He was a horrible father yet she is still obsessed with him (even though he's been dead for many years). Once she deals with that, I think she will have a better chance at being be "free".
According to her, she had a ten year sexual relationship with her dad. Eww!
At first she calls it rape. If that's the case, she was "raped" quite a few times before she acknowledges it became consensual. The first time she was "raped", she gained consciousness during the act and blacked out at the beginning and end of it. The next time she was "raped", she woke up in her father's bed with her pants around her ankles ... that happened more than once. Why did she let herself get into that situation in the first place?!
In her healing, I can understand why she would write this book. But why publish it and hurt so many in her family? Plus her dad isn't around anymore to defend himself.
If you're into bios, I'd recommend it. Mackenzie came into contact with so many well-known people and it's fun to get the scoop on them.
Mackenzie's had a wacky childhood ... but I couldn't feel any sympathy for her at all as I was reading this book.
She still definitely needs help. She has been exposed to and addicted to drugs for most of her life (and she tells you all the details about it) and has gone through rehab a couple times to clean out. The last line in her book says that she is once again clean and now "free".
She has many many issues with her dad. He was a horrible father yet she is still obsessed with him (even though he's been dead for many years). Once she deals with that, I think she will have a better chance at being be "free".
According to her, she had a ten year sexual relationship with her dad. Eww!
At first she calls it rape. If that's the case, she was "raped" quite a few times before she acknowledges it became consensual. The first time she was "raped", she gained consciousness during the act and blacked out at the beginning and end of it. The next time she was "raped", she woke up in her father's bed with her pants around her ankles ... that happened more than once. Why did she let herself get into that situation in the first place?!
In her healing, I can understand why she would write this book. But why publish it and hurt so many in her family? Plus her dad isn't around anymore to defend himself.
If you're into bios, I'd recommend it. Mackenzie came into contact with so many well-known people and it's fun to get the scoop on them.
October 2, 2009
The book was amazing. It was intriguing. It was distgusting. And it was sad. Not because of the circumstances, because it was sad. But because it shows how drugs can ruin and run someone's life. I have been a The Mama's and the Papa's fan since I was young. It always went: Elvis. The Beatles. The Mama's and the Papas. So I was intrigued with the book. I read it in less than 3 days. I literally couldn't put it down. Her drug addiction. The thing with her father. Her recovery. Her relapse. Then her final recovery. I loved the book because she wasn't giving you a sugar coat version of the story. She gave you the truth. She told you that she tripped out on Acid in HS, and then went to film American Graffiti then did cocaine. The story is gruesome. But true. I highly recommend this to everyone. Hopefully she can stay sober, and hopefully this book will help people who have experienced some of the same situations.
October 12, 2011
As a huge fan of The Mamas and The Papas and a watcher of "One Day at a Time" I was curious to read the "daughter's story". I knew about the drugs and the crazy lifestyle, what I didn't know was about the incest. And while it is sort of the bombshell of the book, it is by no means the whole story.
I believe in truth-telling; I think in the end we are rendered more compassionate and empathetic for it. I am sorry not everyone sees it that way. Incest is never consensual, even if the victim is a legal adult. Ms Phillips has told the truth. It is not pretty; it is unvarnished and raw. But, it is a well written and gripping tale of a family we loved whose loves spanned the free love, sex, and drugs 1960s through the high flying, cocaine infused 1980s and beyond into recovery in the new millennium.
May her amazingly talented father (who was also a lousy parent and a pedophile, among other things) rest in peace, and may Ms Phillips find peace in living her truth.
I believe in truth-telling; I think in the end we are rendered more compassionate and empathetic for it. I am sorry not everyone sees it that way. Incest is never consensual, even if the victim is a legal adult. Ms Phillips has told the truth. It is not pretty; it is unvarnished and raw. But, it is a well written and gripping tale of a family we loved whose loves spanned the free love, sex, and drugs 1960s through the high flying, cocaine infused 1980s and beyond into recovery in the new millennium.
May her amazingly talented father (who was also a lousy parent and a pedophile, among other things) rest in peace, and may Ms Phillips find peace in living her truth.
June 2, 2015
I was a lil upset with how some of this story was...
i can relate to alot of Makenzies issues the childhood problems, bad parenting, failed relationships, (the incest and the Day SOAPs no....But i did get a job when i was young that i made a ok life for myself....i wasn't world wide famouse BUT i was well liked, made thoasands of dollars a day)
i think i was just mad that she had made so many bad choices AND JUST KEPT MAKING THEM!!!!!! I have made just as many good and bad choices, But i can see my mistakes and learn from them. i was happy to see her shine at the end though. i do belive that she and her son deserve a good happy life.
i can relate to alot of Makenzies issues the childhood problems, bad parenting, failed relationships, (the incest and the Day SOAPs no....But i did get a job when i was young that i made a ok life for myself....i wasn't world wide famouse BUT i was well liked, made thoasands of dollars a day)
i think i was just mad that she had made so many bad choices AND JUST KEPT MAKING THEM!!!!!! I have made just as many good and bad choices, But i can see my mistakes and learn from them. i was happy to see her shine at the end though. i do belive that she and her son deserve a good happy life.
Read
December 8, 2025insane. horrifying.
November 17, 2009
Reason for Reading: I enjoy reading celebrity memoirs and was a big fan of One Day at a Time when the show was on. I had read Valerie Bertinelli's recent memoir and knowing Mackenzie Philips' checkered past figured she would have a very interesting memoir.
Comments: Mackenzie Phillips is the daughter of John Phillips (the mastermind of the famous singing group The Mamas & The Papas) and is best known for her role as Julie Cooper on One Day at a Time. In this book Mack tells her own story from birth to the present. She was born into the psychedelic world of the sixties, partially raised by a man addicted to a plethora of drugs who let her and her older brother do as they pleased. Their exposure to drugs lead them both to become users as children, happily supplied by their father. Mackenzie's life was to continue to be run by drugs for many, many years until she finally became clean for 15 years only to end up addicted to pain killers which led her straight back to the monster until she was arrested for possession in 2008. Once again clean, and pain free, Mackenzie tells all in this well-written biography.
Mackenzie's voice is very down to earth and makes for an easy read. She tells her whole life story without leaving out the ugly parts. She has secrets to reveal and does name names most of the time. One can tell right from the start though that she has not set out to trash anyone. This is her story and she accepts all responsibility for all the wrongs she's done in her life but also tells the wrongs done to her without attempting to blame anyone. I'm sure everyone knows the secret she reveals about her father (though I won't mention it, in case you haven't heard) and it is one of the creepiest, saddest, disgusting things one can read about and Mack's journey from violated victim to drug induced willing participant is an uncomfortable story to read.
The book is written with respect to all; she doesn't leave out parts, as in other memoirs I've read recently, about her siblings in so far as they concerned her life story. She stops at some point with each of them saying that it is that individual's story to tell, not hers, but at least the family dynamics are fully explored. Much time was spent on the One Day at a Time years which I fully appreciated as I was sorely disappointed in that aspect of Valerie Bertinelli's book.
Mackenzie has lived a hard life and excepts responsibility for it. Her son is the driving force behind her sobriety and staying clean. She shows how her life started on this route with the upbringing she had but as an adult she excepts making her own bad choices. It's a miracle she has pulled through this life and come out the other side. A very interesting read about the sixties/seventies drug culture, the eighties coke obsession, filled with famous names but centering on the life of a little girl who had to grow up in the middle of it all. Recommended.
Comments: Mackenzie Phillips is the daughter of John Phillips (the mastermind of the famous singing group The Mamas & The Papas) and is best known for her role as Julie Cooper on One Day at a Time. In this book Mack tells her own story from birth to the present. She was born into the psychedelic world of the sixties, partially raised by a man addicted to a plethora of drugs who let her and her older brother do as they pleased. Their exposure to drugs lead them both to become users as children, happily supplied by their father. Mackenzie's life was to continue to be run by drugs for many, many years until she finally became clean for 15 years only to end up addicted to pain killers which led her straight back to the monster until she was arrested for possession in 2008. Once again clean, and pain free, Mackenzie tells all in this well-written biography.
Mackenzie's voice is very down to earth and makes for an easy read. She tells her whole life story without leaving out the ugly parts. She has secrets to reveal and does name names most of the time. One can tell right from the start though that she has not set out to trash anyone. This is her story and she accepts all responsibility for all the wrongs she's done in her life but also tells the wrongs done to her without attempting to blame anyone. I'm sure everyone knows the secret she reveals about her father (though I won't mention it, in case you haven't heard) and it is one of the creepiest, saddest, disgusting things one can read about and Mack's journey from violated victim to drug induced willing participant is an uncomfortable story to read.
The book is written with respect to all; she doesn't leave out parts, as in other memoirs I've read recently, about her siblings in so far as they concerned her life story. She stops at some point with each of them saying that it is that individual's story to tell, not hers, but at least the family dynamics are fully explored. Much time was spent on the One Day at a Time years which I fully appreciated as I was sorely disappointed in that aspect of Valerie Bertinelli's book.
Mackenzie has lived a hard life and excepts responsibility for it. Her son is the driving force behind her sobriety and staying clean. She shows how her life started on this route with the upbringing she had but as an adult she excepts making her own bad choices. It's a miracle she has pulled through this life and come out the other side. A very interesting read about the sixties/seventies drug culture, the eighties coke obsession, filled with famous names but centering on the life of a little girl who had to grow up in the middle of it all. Recommended.
August 31, 2012
This book was a trainwreck and a half. I'm glad that at the moment she seems to have her life together, but, she was supposedly sober for a 15 year stretch before her "monster reemerged from it's slumber" last time... (I got this book on paperbackswap.com, by the way-- glad I didn't pay for it-- but, it was very nice of the previous owner to put little magazine clippings about the subject matter in the jacket of the book; when I pass it along to the next person on paperbackswap.com I'll leave them in there.)
With her messed up childhood, there's no way she could've turned out any other way-- up to a point. But, once she was older, she had so many chances to cut ties and NOT put herself in certain situations that at THOSE times I had trouble feeling any sympathy for her, more annoyance, as I'm sure most of her family did as well. You can blame the sins of the father being visited on the children up to a point, but when you get to be an adult, it's time to let go of the crutch of an excuse. When she was younger-- yes, absolutely her lousy father's fault, her lousy mother and stepmothers for not protecting her better than they had. I felt she let her mother off too easily in that-- and her father for constantly abandoning her. And when she was a child, I felt sorry for the little puppy who kept coming back, wishing for love only to be kicked aside again and again. But, when she became an adult, and a mother... well, it was a lot harder to sympathize, because she was PUTTING herself in these situations, KNOWING full well the outcome. And there was no shortage of people BEGGING her to get help, offering all the support in the universe, but she made the choices she made. I am not a judgmental person, but, I don't buy pathetic whining, either. Her father was toxic, as were most of the self-absorbed adults in her life, though, and I feel awfully for her for that...
I think that Chynna was the luckiest one of John Phillips' brood of five (Jeffrey, Laura-Mackenzie, Chynna, Tamerlane, and Bijou), because she had Michelle as a mother-- who DID protect her in the way she was unable to protect the others. However, I was intrigued by the sister/daughter relationship she had with Bijou, (and honestly adore Danny Masterson, to whom Bijou is now married, so I'm curious as to his take of her wild family, which obviously Mackenzie wouldn't know, so, it's not in the book).
Other than that, my impressions are that I wish she had better flow in her continuity. It isn't generally clear what happened when-- but that's not her fault; she honestly can't remember because of the haze that has been most of her life... That, and there's a few songs she sang on "So Weird" that I wish were on iTunes (reading the book reminded me of them).
With her messed up childhood, there's no way she could've turned out any other way-- up to a point. But, once she was older, she had so many chances to cut ties and NOT put herself in certain situations that at THOSE times I had trouble feeling any sympathy for her, more annoyance, as I'm sure most of her family did as well. You can blame the sins of the father being visited on the children up to a point, but when you get to be an adult, it's time to let go of the crutch of an excuse. When she was younger-- yes, absolutely her lousy father's fault, her lousy mother and stepmothers for not protecting her better than they had. I felt she let her mother off too easily in that-- and her father for constantly abandoning her. And when she was a child, I felt sorry for the little puppy who kept coming back, wishing for love only to be kicked aside again and again. But, when she became an adult, and a mother... well, it was a lot harder to sympathize, because she was PUTTING herself in these situations, KNOWING full well the outcome. And there was no shortage of people BEGGING her to get help, offering all the support in the universe, but she made the choices she made. I am not a judgmental person, but, I don't buy pathetic whining, either. Her father was toxic, as were most of the self-absorbed adults in her life, though, and I feel awfully for her for that...
I think that Chynna was the luckiest one of John Phillips' brood of five (Jeffrey, Laura-Mackenzie, Chynna, Tamerlane, and Bijou), because she had Michelle as a mother-- who DID protect her in the way she was unable to protect the others. However, I was intrigued by the sister/daughter relationship she had with Bijou, (and honestly adore Danny Masterson, to whom Bijou is now married, so I'm curious as to his take of her wild family, which obviously Mackenzie wouldn't know, so, it's not in the book).
Other than that, my impressions are that I wish she had better flow in her continuity. It isn't generally clear what happened when-- but that's not her fault; she honestly can't remember because of the haze that has been most of her life... That, and there's a few songs she sang on "So Weird" that I wish were on iTunes (reading the book reminded me of them).
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