MeShack's Post: Why Vampire Boy Bands Suck!!

Why Vampire Boy Bands Suck!!
by MeShack Hooshmand

Hey Everybody!
This is MeShack from the novel Fire Baptized. Many know me as the Hot, extremly talented Were-cheetah that sings lead for the band Mahogany Groove.

But I'm not just that sexy guy that you dream about . . . I’m also a big music enthusiast.

There is just one type of music that I hate.
Vampire boy bands

Here are my top FOUR reasons why Vampire boy bands suck.



1- Their love songs sound like takeout orders.



Check out the Vampire boy band Stake’s lyrics for “Love Feast”


I’m famished. I need your love, baby
I’ve been starving for you, lady.
When I come to your window full of hunger and need.
Going to take you in my arms and feed.

Personally, that song scares ME.


2- Sweet-talking your food is weird and creepy.


First of all, is it just me, or is having sex with your food insane? I mean these Vampire bands sing about love and sex, but here’s what they really are saying:

“Hey baby, can I drink your bodily fluids to survive? I also want to sex you down, baby . . . as I eat you.”


The last supernatural music awards on MTV gave out at least twenty awards to Vampires.
Ridiculous!

Maybe I should write a ballad about my desire to hump and eat a sandwich.


3- They’re not BOYS!

Just about every Vampire in those boy bands is over a hundred years old. Am I the only one that sees a problem with these old Vampires singing to high school girls?
Clearly this is pedophilia.


4-There’s so much more great music out there.


In fact, here are two albums that are currently on my play list:

The Siren alternative rock group Sea Flower released their latest album, Odyssey Vol. 2: Homer Go F**k Yourself. It’s awesome.

My favorite rapper, a Were-wolf and fraternity brother, Primal
had a new song called Shift It. It’s really sexy so definitely not for anyone under eighteen.

In conclusion, save your ears and brain cells! Throw all of those albums of Vampire boy bands away.