cynically fatalistic
LOL....
That is what someone called me yesterday.
Is it true? I have no idea. I am a "glass is half-empty" person. I admit it. I prefer to see myself as a realist. This however would raise some eyebrows because I am often called a dreamer who doesn't base my thoughts in reality at all! So perhaps I am blind to the fact that I am wondering around in a fairy land with rose colored glasses, all the while viewing the world as a painful place full of hate and hypocrisy. How can it be both?
And I probably don't even make sense.
All I know is that painful as life is, there is always something else that makes it worse, OR that someone else experiences that is worse than what happens to me. I can not speak for everyone, but as for myself, people talk to me. WHY? I have no idea. I attract people of all walks of life and for some unknown reason they talk to me. I am NOT going around with a t-shirt that reads "Dump Your Troubles HERE!" I promise, yet they do! I can be inline at the grocery story waiting for the deli clerk to slice my ham and look at someone and they start talking. I grin and nod. (it's polite) and whomever it is, because you know I don't know these people, just starts talking about an ex-wife, am abusive husband, a troubled child, a daughter who sees ghosts, YOU NAME IT!! They talk about it!
So if I am so cynically fatalistic, why do strangers feel comfortable opening up to me when not provoked to?
I had a friend that said I give off good vibes. Something about me tells others I am non-judgmental and trustworthy. Those are some lofty compliments that I do not see myself holding very high. Do I really do that? AND HOW? I AM PRETTY SARCASTIC! In fact it surprises me that more of Jimmy was not sarcastic. I LOVE that line that I wrote where Jimmy says to Matt, "Because I'm not woman OR a guy..." I thought it sounded so sarcastic when I wrote it! I am often self-centered and do things out of personal interest. (what can I get for me?) This is NOT how I want to be, but it is a hard habit to break.
I love the Wicked Soundtrack. (who knows what image that gives you of me now) I saw it on Broadway and loved it. I also saw Avenue Q and thought it was hilarious! (I have that soundtrack too) "What do you do with a BA in English...?" *singing* Anyway... that song in Wicked "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" is something I have felt for the last year. It seemed like no matter what I did, my efforts were in vain and people trampled me. I guess the cynicism grew out of those experiences. When you try and try to please people and help whenever possible and all your efforts are tuned over, you tend to give up. Well partially.
Like I said I am self-centered. But that is not to say everything I do is for personal gain. It's not. Like when you give $20 the the girl scouts for a box of cookies. (sarcasm, I think they are $7/box) you feel good for helping the girl scouts and you really like eating the cookies, BUT the money does help their organization. Helping, but with the personal interest of eating their cookies! There was an episode of Friends (reruns have been on for like 10 years I think) where Phoebe realized she couldn't do ANYTHING selflessly. She said I "let a bee sting me" (and I forget her reason why) and then one of the other characters said "well you know that bee will die now because it stung you?" She felt bad and went about trying to find a truly selfless act. One of the last scenes she gives $100 to charity anonymously (or something) because it helped children or whatever, and her last words were, "Oh that makes me feel really good." --*she ten gasps* and realizes even giving anonymously still made her "feel good" and therefore wasn't completely selfless.
Can you tell I am a "stream of consciousness" thinker?
Don't ask where I was going with all of this. Perhaps I am just saying, even the smallest of things CAN be seen as self-centered because we (as humans) derive pleasure from the. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe you DON'T derive an ounce of pleasure from helping children or listening to that stranger... who knows.
I often don't like listening to some stranger ramble on about their knee surgery, but when I leave and I return home, I try to think about THEM. That person needed to talk. They needed to vent or ramble or let out their frustration and i was there. I helped in some small way. People often need someone to listen. They are not always looking for answers. Maybe that's why my cynicism and fatalistic outlook on life doesn't bother them. They are not looking to have the problem SOLVED, they are only looking for someone to hear them in their pain. We all have pain. Don't we? Differing degrees of pain, true, but pain all the same. For someone to listen to you helps. It feels good to let it out! By ourselves, we are only talking to ourselves, and as Matt's sister says in the next book, "Alone is a horrible place to be."
So... the next time you find yourself buying a box of condoms and the cashier rattles on about how her boyfriend didn't know how to use one and she got pregnant and then claimed it wasn't his... remember, she doesn't need sarcasm. Listening is often a greater gift than words of wisdom.
and these are MY words of wisdom :p
over and out-
Wade
(and for self interest purposes... go BUY and READ and REVIEW < a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/stor... Love is Not Enough!)
That is what someone called me yesterday.
Is it true? I have no idea. I am a "glass is half-empty" person. I admit it. I prefer to see myself as a realist. This however would raise some eyebrows because I am often called a dreamer who doesn't base my thoughts in reality at all! So perhaps I am blind to the fact that I am wondering around in a fairy land with rose colored glasses, all the while viewing the world as a painful place full of hate and hypocrisy. How can it be both?
And I probably don't even make sense.
All I know is that painful as life is, there is always something else that makes it worse, OR that someone else experiences that is worse than what happens to me. I can not speak for everyone, but as for myself, people talk to me. WHY? I have no idea. I attract people of all walks of life and for some unknown reason they talk to me. I am NOT going around with a t-shirt that reads "Dump Your Troubles HERE!" I promise, yet they do! I can be inline at the grocery story waiting for the deli clerk to slice my ham and look at someone and they start talking. I grin and nod. (it's polite) and whomever it is, because you know I don't know these people, just starts talking about an ex-wife, am abusive husband, a troubled child, a daughter who sees ghosts, YOU NAME IT!! They talk about it!
So if I am so cynically fatalistic, why do strangers feel comfortable opening up to me when not provoked to?
I had a friend that said I give off good vibes. Something about me tells others I am non-judgmental and trustworthy. Those are some lofty compliments that I do not see myself holding very high. Do I really do that? AND HOW? I AM PRETTY SARCASTIC! In fact it surprises me that more of Jimmy was not sarcastic. I LOVE that line that I wrote where Jimmy says to Matt, "Because I'm not woman OR a guy..." I thought it sounded so sarcastic when I wrote it! I am often self-centered and do things out of personal interest. (what can I get for me?) This is NOT how I want to be, but it is a hard habit to break.
I love the Wicked Soundtrack. (who knows what image that gives you of me now) I saw it on Broadway and loved it. I also saw Avenue Q and thought it was hilarious! (I have that soundtrack too) "What do you do with a BA in English...?" *singing* Anyway... that song in Wicked "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" is something I have felt for the last year. It seemed like no matter what I did, my efforts were in vain and people trampled me. I guess the cynicism grew out of those experiences. When you try and try to please people and help whenever possible and all your efforts are tuned over, you tend to give up. Well partially.
Like I said I am self-centered. But that is not to say everything I do is for personal gain. It's not. Like when you give $20 the the girl scouts for a box of cookies. (sarcasm, I think they are $7/box) you feel good for helping the girl scouts and you really like eating the cookies, BUT the money does help their organization. Helping, but with the personal interest of eating their cookies! There was an episode of Friends (reruns have been on for like 10 years I think) where Phoebe realized she couldn't do ANYTHING selflessly. She said I "let a bee sting me" (and I forget her reason why) and then one of the other characters said "well you know that bee will die now because it stung you?" She felt bad and went about trying to find a truly selfless act. One of the last scenes she gives $100 to charity anonymously (or something) because it helped children or whatever, and her last words were, "Oh that makes me feel really good." --*she ten gasps* and realizes even giving anonymously still made her "feel good" and therefore wasn't completely selfless.
Can you tell I am a "stream of consciousness" thinker?
Don't ask where I was going with all of this. Perhaps I am just saying, even the smallest of things CAN be seen as self-centered because we (as humans) derive pleasure from the. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe you DON'T derive an ounce of pleasure from helping children or listening to that stranger... who knows.
I often don't like listening to some stranger ramble on about their knee surgery, but when I leave and I return home, I try to think about THEM. That person needed to talk. They needed to vent or ramble or let out their frustration and i was there. I helped in some small way. People often need someone to listen. They are not always looking for answers. Maybe that's why my cynicism and fatalistic outlook on life doesn't bother them. They are not looking to have the problem SOLVED, they are only looking for someone to hear them in their pain. We all have pain. Don't we? Differing degrees of pain, true, but pain all the same. For someone to listen to you helps. It feels good to let it out! By ourselves, we are only talking to ourselves, and as Matt's sister says in the next book, "Alone is a horrible place to be."
So... the next time you find yourself buying a box of condoms and the cashier rattles on about how her boyfriend didn't know how to use one and she got pregnant and then claimed it wasn't his... remember, she doesn't need sarcasm. Listening is often a greater gift than words of wisdom.
and these are MY words of wisdom :p
over and out-
Wade
(and for self interest purposes... go BUY and READ and REVIEW < a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/stor... Love is Not Enough!)
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Deeze, -->pessimist that looks on the bright side :)oddly, Although I am cynical, things normally fall together for me for no reason at all. Weird...
xoxo
Wade, I love this post wow its one to think about you have a way with words lol! I think I am mainly optimistic I like to believe that everyone has some good in them, but sadly I have been disappointed many times and now I can be cynical about lots of things which I was never before. But I like to do good not because its expected of me....I just want to and it makes me feel happy. Sometimes I get taken advantage of and that annoys me but I can usually get over it i generally have a sunny disposition, smiling and laughing but if you cross me well then I can be lets just say stubborn!You keep writing Wade you obviously love it!!
Vio xxx
I like to do good or help others but I tend to wait to be asked. Partly because I don't want to be pushy and partly because I'm kinda lazy, so if anyone asks me to help I will, but I wont always offer first. I have found a trend in cases were I offer a few times and then it suddenly becomes expected of me, so that always plays a part in my deciding whether to offer or just wait to be asked.
I like the feeling that I helped someone though. Just the other day an old lady stopped me outside her door asking me if I could open a bottle for her. She was so sweet in making sure she wasn't making me late by asking LOL.
OK sorry for the rambling LOL.
Take care Wade, Hope the writings going well.
You both can ramble all you like, its nice to see some honest everyday thoughts and emotions expressed!
I think there are lots of people who are interested in slice-of-life stories. Mundane doesn’t not necessarily equate to boring. Have you ever checked out the despair.com? Love it. They have a points of view drinking glass that I would love to have. I am so a glass is half empty kind of gal.
I haven't seen Wicked or Avenue Q but do own the soundtracks. Drives hubby batshit crazy since he is not a fan of musicals and that’s all I usually buy, though I do listen to other types of music – that’s what Pandora is for. He can tolerate The Full Monty but I think because he likes the song Big Ass Rock since it talks about a big ass rock.
I'm sure by now you've noticed that we don't mind you're rambling. I kind of like actually, since I'm that way and I haven’t gotten lost following your train of thought.
I can saw that I don't derive an ounce of pleasure from helping children or listening to strangers, maybe a dram but not an ounce. Small talk and I do not go together well at all.
I guess I'm more pessimistic than optimistic, but that doesnt stop me from hoping for the best. So does that mean I'm a optomist that looks on the down side? or a pessimist that looks on the bright side?
I also tend to ramble when I don't know what to say lol.
Take care Wade,