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Systematic Training for Effective Parenting
One of the country's most popular parenting guides. Helps parents meet the challenges of raising a family today. THE PARENT'S HANDBOOK shows parents how they can become more knowledgeable, confident and successful in relating to their children. Discusses misbehavior, communication, encouragement, natural and logical consequences, family meetings, drug and alcohol abuse prevention. This book is part of the STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) series, the world's best selling parent education program.
138 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1976
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
February 19, 2013
Just a brief review of this one, as it really is fairly self-explanatory. The advice is sound, but the writing is aimed at the barely literate. Some of the concepts of family structure seem a bit outdated, and the challenging scenarios (and their overly simplistic solutions) seem thoroughly contrived. Nevertheless, if you can get past the lowest-common-denominator writing level and the painful simplicity, there are a few hidden gems of wisdom hidden within that make the overall read more or less worthwhile. Probably worth investing the hour or two it would take you to read it.
December 21, 2018
I included this in my special-needs folder because some of the tips actually helped me with my son especially. I could have really used this book about 15 or so years ago as much of what is in it would have helped me more with my oldest two and through trial and error, I'd learned to do with my younger two. It validated a lot of what I'd been doing with them and there were enough new to me ideas to keep me turning the pages. I really recommend this for first-time parents, especially if they have strong-willed kiddos as I do.
February 9, 2011
In 1978 I graduated w/an M.Div. in psychology from U.T.S. in New York and moved back to Chicago with the intention of finding a job commensurate with my training. No luck. No one had told me that each state has different requirements for practice in psychotherapy. The only jobs I was offered after taking federal, state and city examinations were for addiction counseling or in prisons or state mental hospitals. Not agreeing with the authorities about drug policy, the first option was out the question. Prisons--yeah, if they really worked towards rehabilitation. State mental health facilities? Well, I went to Madden and Reed Zone, saw their "time-out" facilities and coercive neglect policies and gave up that idea.
I ended up searching the want ads daily and found a job with The Jewish Childrens' Bureau, working in a group home for six adolescent boys who had all been, I was told, diagnosed as psychotic. With one possible exception, I discovered this was entirely untrue.
Shortly after hire the person who ran the home had a nervous breakdown and I became de facto head, without a pay raise. I hired staff and ran the place for several months before a new woman was brought on, a former nun, Marlyn. For some reason she left the agency soon thereafter, around the time of our summer break, when the boys went home to their families and the staff had a unpaid vacation.
During that vacation Marlyn called me, inviting me and one of the fellows I'd hired to join her at another agency, The Mission of Our Lady of Mercy, "Mercy Mission", downtown. They had a similarly misdiagnosed population, boys 13-18, with a transitional program for ones 18-21. A much more institutional setting with a much larger population and its own school, The Angel Guardian Center, the Mission had, in addition to three staff shifts, two psychiatric social workers, both of them graduates of the Adler Institute in Chicago.
Despite the low pay, I liked the kids, my coworkers and the job itself. I particularly liked the Adlerian approach maintained by our director and the social workers and the fact that we on the day and evening shifts were trained not only in aspects of that, but also in the Unitarian-Universalist's sex education program. Thus, although we had no real status, we taught classes both for two high school populations, boys and girls, and for our own kids and their parents and caretakers. The STEP books were central to the latter endeavor.
The central point of our Adlerian practice was that if you want to create responsible citizens for a democracy (Adler was a democratic socialist), then you treat them as rational beings and encourage them to assume responsiblities. Consequently, the Mission had two sets of rules. One was obedience to the laws of the greater society, laws which we freely discussed and often criticized, but which were recognized as part of the social reality beyond our walls. The other was the set of those rules we made for ourselves, staff and kids together. We enforced the latter set ourselves, leaving the former for the authorities: the cops, school officials and truancy officers.
The formulation of our own rules was an exercise in democracy. Rules had to have reasons, they couldn't just be the tastes or prejudices of the staff--the kids saw to that. Discussion led to common sense: you should be able to do whatever you wanted so long as that didn't hurt others. Kids that broke rules received consequences directly related to their infractions. Thus a kid that ran away would lose the freedom to leave the premises without supervision for a time, a kid that missed a meal would go without food until the next meal and so on. The system worked well. Almost all of the kids responded to it quite naturally and recognized our, the staff's, good intentions as regards themselves.
The STEP Progam for parents and caregivers consisted of reading, discussion and exercises, some alone with the parents, individually and in groups; some with the parents and their kids, either in family or in larger, multi-family groups; some, we hoped, between the kids and their parents when we of the staff weren't present. The point was to encourage intelligent, respectful cooperation whereby the walls of unquestioned authority were breached and thoughtless habits of behavior brought to mutual recognition and examination. In my experience, with the families I dealt with, this seemed to work, the only problems being my linguistic limitations with those who had Spanish as their primary language.
Over the years I have, very occasionally, been looked up by some of the kids, all of them adults now. They're the successes I suppose, a self-selected group, the ones who want to let me know that now they've got their own homes, their own jobs, their own marriages and families.
I ended up searching the want ads daily and found a job with The Jewish Childrens' Bureau, working in a group home for six adolescent boys who had all been, I was told, diagnosed as psychotic. With one possible exception, I discovered this was entirely untrue.
Shortly after hire the person who ran the home had a nervous breakdown and I became de facto head, without a pay raise. I hired staff and ran the place for several months before a new woman was brought on, a former nun, Marlyn. For some reason she left the agency soon thereafter, around the time of our summer break, when the boys went home to their families and the staff had a unpaid vacation.
During that vacation Marlyn called me, inviting me and one of the fellows I'd hired to join her at another agency, The Mission of Our Lady of Mercy, "Mercy Mission", downtown. They had a similarly misdiagnosed population, boys 13-18, with a transitional program for ones 18-21. A much more institutional setting with a much larger population and its own school, The Angel Guardian Center, the Mission had, in addition to three staff shifts, two psychiatric social workers, both of them graduates of the Adler Institute in Chicago.
Despite the low pay, I liked the kids, my coworkers and the job itself. I particularly liked the Adlerian approach maintained by our director and the social workers and the fact that we on the day and evening shifts were trained not only in aspects of that, but also in the Unitarian-Universalist's sex education program. Thus, although we had no real status, we taught classes both for two high school populations, boys and girls, and for our own kids and their parents and caretakers. The STEP books were central to the latter endeavor.
The central point of our Adlerian practice was that if you want to create responsible citizens for a democracy (Adler was a democratic socialist), then you treat them as rational beings and encourage them to assume responsiblities. Consequently, the Mission had two sets of rules. One was obedience to the laws of the greater society, laws which we freely discussed and often criticized, but which were recognized as part of the social reality beyond our walls. The other was the set of those rules we made for ourselves, staff and kids together. We enforced the latter set ourselves, leaving the former for the authorities: the cops, school officials and truancy officers.
The formulation of our own rules was an exercise in democracy. Rules had to have reasons, they couldn't just be the tastes or prejudices of the staff--the kids saw to that. Discussion led to common sense: you should be able to do whatever you wanted so long as that didn't hurt others. Kids that broke rules received consequences directly related to their infractions. Thus a kid that ran away would lose the freedom to leave the premises without supervision for a time, a kid that missed a meal would go without food until the next meal and so on. The system worked well. Almost all of the kids responded to it quite naturally and recognized our, the staff's, good intentions as regards themselves.
The STEP Progam for parents and caregivers consisted of reading, discussion and exercises, some alone with the parents, individually and in groups; some with the parents and their kids, either in family or in larger, multi-family groups; some, we hoped, between the kids and their parents when we of the staff weren't present. The point was to encourage intelligent, respectful cooperation whereby the walls of unquestioned authority were breached and thoughtless habits of behavior brought to mutual recognition and examination. In my experience, with the families I dealt with, this seemed to work, the only problems being my linguistic limitations with those who had Spanish as their primary language.
Over the years I have, very occasionally, been looked up by some of the kids, all of them adults now. They're the successes I suppose, a self-selected group, the ones who want to let me know that now they've got their own homes, their own jobs, their own marriages and families.
November 10, 2008
A very easy to read book with great information. Especially helps explain the reasons for "misbehavior" and shows that most behavior issues stem from the parents needing to make changes in their own behavior to best help their children.
August 12, 2024
Muy recomendable!
February 19, 2020
Wow. Ich habe das Buch in der Bücherei entdeckt und war vom Rückentext angetan. Bis auf ganz wenige, zu vernachlässigende Stellen, merkt man dem Buch sein Alter absolut nicht an. Aufmachung und Ratschläge sind gut strukturiert und sinnvoll. Ich bin echt sehr positiv überrascht. Werde ich bei Gelegenheit auch nochmal drin blättern.
April 8, 2019
A handbook for parents to use as they take the STEP class for parenting teens. I found this book to be more complicated than it had to be, but it is a wonderful resource for parents to turn to as they encounter challenges with their teenagers.
January 17, 2021
Bought it based on a reference from somewhere else. It's a generic framework articulated in a book, and some of the advice has been proven wrong since original publication...felt a little out of date.
January 3, 2012
Reinforces much of what How to talk so kids will listen . . . says about communication and respect and discipline. Easy to read, and even though many of the scenarios sound corny and probably would not play out the same way in my house, it's still very useful information. I'm glad I bought the books (this one and the Parenting Young Children book) so I can look back at them often.
August 29, 2011
This is a simple book about parenting. It begins by pointing out that kids want to belong, and will behave in order to feel accepted. Gives good tips on understanding behaviors. I really like the simplicity of this book. There are no big phrases or systems to memorize.
July 29, 2013
This was an excellent guide to the foundations of effective parenting. It was written at about a fifth grade reading level so it is very accessible and assumes that the parent knows potentially nothing about parenting. Simple and short. I would put this in the hands of a parent without a doubt.
June 16, 2021
I bought as many copies of the 1982 version of this book Parent's Handbook: Step, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (the one with the orange cover) to share with others. It is far superior to this version. I am so disappointed that it has gone out of print.
September 23, 2011
This book had some really great advice.
March 6, 2013
Even though Sophia is only 2, this book has helped SO MUCH in communicating with her and dealing with her demands and tantrums. Reading it with Rick has been awesome.
July 28, 2017
Pretty good information.
May 31, 2016
Super helpful overview for parents learning parenting skills and how to read their child.
July 19, 2016
I recommend this book often in my practice.
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April 2, 2019Essentially the same as the Positive Discipline books by Jane Nelson.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews