Why Do I Think I am Nothing without a Man?

by Penelope Russianoff

Through candid profiles of the women Dr. Russianoff has treated, as well as her own personal experience, WHY DO I THINK I AM NOTHING WITHOUT A MAN? offers a warm, straightforward and insightful advice on: - Becoming sexually undependent - Becoming more supportive of yourself, emotionally and financially - Learning to love being alone (if situation arises) - How a woman-or a man-can be woman's best friend.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Feminism, Relationships

140 pages, Paperback

First published September 23, 1981

About the author

http://www.nytimes.com/2000/09/05/nyr...

Reviews

[Kate L · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was written in a way my brain loved and it helped me process a lot.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gives great advice to women of all ages, who want to (or may not know they need to) become independent with the realization that they DON'T need a man in order to be happy. For someone likes me who understands that being with someone else doesn't bring the happiness I create for myself, I have and do fall into the trap of believing that my life is sometimes not complete until I'm with someone who complements me. Having the knowledge and tools that come with this book has really changed my perspective on my current and future relationships, and the way in which my toxic thinking has not only hindered those connected to me but myself as well. Some of the language and terminology is outdated, and you can most definitely apply the authors tips to any relationship (whether heterosexual, homosexual, etc.). One of the biggest things I walked away with after reading this book is changing my thinking and unrealistic expectations for my significant other and friends. Understanding that what works best for me and being open/receptive helps alleviate some of my anxiety and self-pressure.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think every woman should read this book. I at first picked it up because I feel like anomaly as a single 30 something year old woman. I have these moments of absolute contentment, to then be faced by other people’s opinions and society’s expectation, that at my age, I should be married. This sometimes makes me feel like my career (which I’ve worked towards for years!), hobbies, and friendships are meaningless because I’m not yet married. Something just doesn’t sit well with me about this...This book pulled me in initially because it showed how women, both married and single, can allow their lives to fully revolve around men. Dr. Russianoff shares stories of married women who didn’t even know their interests and passions because they were so attached to their husbands. This possibility (among many other examples she offers) terrifies me! Some women even shared how they wanted to die first because they couldn’t imagine being alone. Her remedy to living a life that revolves around a man was to become undependent. Undependence refers to the state of being content and feeling complete regardless of one’s relationship status. Undependence is achieved through enjoying time alone (which does not equate to loneliness), making the most of friendships with males and females, and going after your dreams (rather than putting them on hold because of a man). If you can relate to any of what I shared OR if the title alone is enough to pull you in, please please read this!

[Renate Eveline · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book started off alright, noting painfully familiar patterns of centering a life around "him", trying to please and endless waiting around until "he" is physically or emotionally available. The explanation of where this comes from was also good, as well as the chapter on the need to value sisterhood.

After that it went downhill, rapidly, in my opinion. Really, are male friends valuable because you will come into contact with things you wouldn't normally do like... fishing? Or because it offers the opportunity to do daunting stuff you wouldn't be able to do without them, like... eating in an Ethiopian restaurant? Okay, these were quotes from patients, but still. And to top it off a whole chapter on work and finance, which firmly places the book back in the time it was published.

The topic is valuable and Russianoff has a helpful approach, however this book is outdated. I would love a fresh take on this subject that would appeal more to current readers.

[Skylar Burris · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave this book a read because I had hoped it would have some good advice for rebuilding my self-esteem after spousal betrayal and abandonment, but I could not really relate to the men-obsessed women described in its pages. The text was dated, culturally speaking. I did find a few sentences here and there worth underling, however, and a tip or two I will strive to put into practice. The book started off better than it ended and initially drew me in before leaving me wanting to skim. Like most pop self-help psychology books, it was too heavy on the telling of patent stories of and the quoting of patients and too light on practical advice and psychological substance.

[Adeyinka Adegbenro · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has essential information for all women. Every woman should read this. The only chapter I don’t agree with on a the chapter about making friends with men. It glosses over the fact that sexual relationships with men completely affects women differently and would almost make it impossible to continue to be friendly with men. Not to mention the men would almost always attempt to get sec out of you later down the line. But the remaining chapters are chef's kiss.

[Miha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think every woman should read this book. It was published 40 years ago and it's still so actual.

[Claudie D · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny dive into the american 80s...
"Regarding sex, be aware than men are not always ready, willing, and able."

[Mary Karpel-Jergic · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is scary in that it was written over thirty years ago but I suspect that it still may hold true today. "The truth is, despite all the fashionably liberated rhetoric going around, most women do orient their lives to a very great extent around getting and then holding on to a mate - or at least a steady date".

For many women their belief is that all their problems will be solved once they find true love and modern romance. This void-without-a-man feeling, Russianoff labels 'desperate dependence'

The book is a good antidote to this phenomena and provides good helpings of self-help based upon her therapeutic practice. The book also goes some way in understanding why women are so stupid when it comes to men. She calls it the 'Noah's Ark Factor', the reality that we live in a coupledom.

"Even if the parents' relationship was less than ideal there's a whole universe of male-femal inseparable entities to find and emulate. " Then there is what she refers to as the cultural conspiracy whereby the movies, TV shows, popular songs, commercials depict love as 'all you need' and lack of love as the worst thing that can happen to you.

"Thinking that you are nothing without a man, to whatever extent, is a major assumption that you have made about your life as a result of having grown up in a society that places so much importance on The Couple"

[Julie Tanner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like other people mentioned it's unreal how a book older than I am can be so relevant even today. The advice and insight provided in the book is timeless and classic like the little black dress for your mind. Reading this for work I had mixed expectations, but was highly impressed. She touched on many areas of life and on a personal note I can see where I've grown and what work I still can do for a better life. I will certainly recommend this to any woman, be it a client or friend.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a book I should have read a long time ago it helps you to see how much we let our world revolve around someone else instead of being true to ourselves and what we love to do. I will read it again and again if I continue to be so codependent.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with most of the author's ideas. I think every woman could benefit from reading this book.