Vows: The Story of a Priest, a Nun, and Their Son

by Peter Manseau

Vows is a compelling story of one family's unshakable faith that to be called is to serve, however high the cost may be. Peter Manseau's riveting evocation of his parents' parallel childhoods, their similar callings, their experiences in the seminary and convent, and how they met while tending to the homeless of Roxbury, Massachusetts, during the riot-prone 1960s is a page-turning meditation on the effect that love can have on profound faith.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Religion, Biography, Catholic, Audiobook, Faith

416 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Intelligent and thoughtful exploration of faith and the Catholic church. Peter Manseau is the youngest of three children born to a married Catholic priest and former nun. The author attempts to explain, reconcile, and interpret the previous sentence throughout the memoir. He does so very skillfully, with his love and respect for his family guiding him. The entire thing is amazingly "clean" and well-written; the author stays the course and avoids the frequent digressions and rabbit trails that so often plague memoirs.

Although it starts off slow, the book picks up pace from about the middle to the end, where new and fairly current events and Catholic happenings keep the pages turning and the reader interested. If in the beginning you feel removed from the characters and topic, don't worry. Slowly and steadily, Manseau's sure hand draws the reader in until one is standing shoulder to shoulder with the family; a family that in spite of everything manages to endure and steadfastly hope that better things are right around the next corner. The timeline of the book chronicles a remarkable time in the Catholic church, full of simmering revolution, progress, and scandal.

I particularly liked his father's musings on faith, Christ, and the universal church. This particular passage was one I thought about for days: "' As I grow older, the passing values of much of society are seen for what they are and the basics become much more obvious. Unity continues to grow in my estimation as an imperative- human unity on all levels-sacred unity. Religious denominations, races, etc, more often than not they are idols; obstacles to reality. I do not fully know who Jesus is but I am obeying him and I am discovering life in a new way. The enigma of his person remains while my loyalty to him increases.'"

[Jennifer Hallock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank goodness these two fascinating people bore such a talented writer to tell their stories—and his. Even after I was "finished" with taking notes for my research, I kept reading for the surprise twist ending. This jocular comment seems out-of-place given the gravity of so many of the themes of this book, but it is still true.

[Walter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter Manseau is a gifted writer with an incredible eye for detail and lyrical ability to evoke these visions indelibly. This is a very good, if a bit unusual, story of the author's family, told compellingly and lovingly. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, mainly because of the author's storytelling gifts and his incredible skill with turns of phrase.

To put it mildly, Manseau's is an unusual family, and its tale is gripping. Less so the author's own evolution, perhaps, but the stories of his parents' individual and collective journeys are fascinating. And it's clear that he is loving and respectful of them and yet does not mince words (much). Interestingly, we come to understand his parents better than we do him, as he seems an even more keen observer of them than he is of himself. (I almost got the sense that in the effort to highlight his parents, he may have understated his own role and voice a bit too much.)

The story is at once particular to this family, but it has elements that are universal and, thus, is applicable to and, potentially, of interest to us all. Themes like religion and spirituality, family and loyalty, secrets kept and truths eventually revealed, etc., are dealt with in an astute way - the story moves along rapidly and yet the author's respect and love for the subjects and the subject matter are also clearly conveyed. It's also a bit of a social history as well, so fans of this genre will find its context insightful and rewarding as well.

I heartily recommend this book to all who are interested in the stories of families, institutional religion and its impacts, personal faith journeys and social history. By the time the book ended, I didn't want it to, and this, for me, is an important test. I wish that there were an update, as I'm sure that life with the Manseaus since its publication has been intriguing as well....

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

You may remember that a few months ago, I reviewed a Peter Manseau book called Songs for the Butcher’s Daughter . You many also remember that, after meeting him, I was thoroughly enchanted by this soft-spoken man with a talent of gracefully weaving disparate words and concepts together into blanket that you want to snuggle into on a cold day. This particular talent, that of blending the dissimilar, is almost the subject of his book Vows: The Story of a Priest, a Nun, and Their Son , a heartbreaking look into the lives of two people who refuse to choose between reaching for a more spiritual plane and raising a family.

Vows is a sweeping memoir that endeavors not only the history of a family, but also of the Boston Catholic Church and the city of Boston itself. Manseau shows us that these three elements—the family, the Church, and Boston-- could not exist independent of each other. Without the Church, neither of Manseaus would have begun their religious journeys. Without the rough areas of Boston, neither of them would have met. And without the family, the Boston clergy would never have been forced to take a look at the centuries-old practice of holy celibacy.

Manseau’s book made me look at Catholicism as I never had before. For a Jew, I thought I was pretty educated about the history and practices of the Catholic Church, having spent more time at mass than at synagogue throughout my time in college. Yet Manseau opened my eyes to the rather mundane reason for priestly celibacy (it’s easier to maintain control of the Church when you don’t have to apportion bits of it to a priest’s heirs), how the child abuse scandals of the Boston diocese affected Boston Catholics, and to the fact that there are far more married priests than you would expect.

Vows is proof that you can find a touching beauty and devotion to a religion, yet still push for improvement and basic human rights. No matter how poorly the Church treated the Manseaus, they continued to worship with the zeal of the truly religious and so find faith in humanity in the basic tenets of their belief. If only all of us could work to truly change things that have potential, instead of throwing our hands up in disgust and abandoning it all together.

Author's Note: I should tell you that I wrote this review before this global scandal about abuse within the Catholic Church struck. Vows actually covers quite a bit of the Boston abuse scandal (it affected the family in ways I won't mention here) and how the training of priests affects the young men sexually. If you want to gain some context for the stories you read in the news, I suggest that you pick up this book.

[DROPPING OUT · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came to Vows because I heard Manseau interviewed on NPR about his later book, Songs for the Butcher's Daughter, that received high praise. I have that book somewhere, but came across Vows and remembered it was the same writer.

The summaries tell the story many times over, of Irish Catholic Boston beginning in the 1950s, at the crest of a wave that no one would have predicted would come crashing down; of a priest who falls in love with a former nun, marries her, and in the radical spirit of the day, expected he could be married and remain a priest; of their family and its struggles; of the scandal of sexual abuse that brought down a cardinal once thought to be a possible candidate for Pope. It is the story of ordinary people in extraordinary times. Then there is the author, who an Afterword says that such a book might be expected after his parents had died, for so much frayed, worn, and discolored linens had been hung out for all to see; but his parents were still very much alive.

The greatest strength of this book is, however, not the journalistic retelling of the greater context, but in Manseau's elegant style of writing of the details. In lesser hands, an author might easily turn the reader into a voyeur, but Manseau lets the story tell itself, in all the painful details, in prose that is clear and unencumbered.

In the end I came away with the sense that these were not ordinary people caught up in extraordinary times, but extraordinary people one should be grateful to know.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

When folks get wounded by the church the response is usually bitter resentment or chucking it all; however, for the deeply spiritually connected there's a third choice that one must go on. This is the choice of pilgrimage. On the one hand there's the wound itself, but then there's the passionate tug into the this gracefully wicked beast called the Body of Christ. This is the journey Peter Manseau takes in Vows. His father is a priest (still ordained) and his mother was a former nun both of whom still love the church in all its complexities. Peter is an excellent writer and reminds me of a less wordy Pat Conroy. The book explores the faith journey of his mother, father, and his own role as questioner to this mystical journey. This is a book that treats the church with the respect it deserves while also slinging just enough sacred cow poop to remind the church and those that preside in leadership to be very cautious with the charge they've been given.

[Colette! · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard a radio story about the book years ago and didn't run into it until just now. I read it in a few hours.

A priest and an ex-nun get married in the 1960s during tumultuous times in the Catholic Church and Boston itself. The priest is convinced that what he is doing is not going against the original teachings of the church (backing it up with some very credible writings from the Church fathers), and the story of their family gets juxtaposed with the sex abuse scandal that seems to have left no diocese untouched. Are married priests the answer to sex abuse cases? Yes and no seems to be the answer.

For anyway curious about the rapid changes that Catholicism has undergone in the past half century, this book is a fascinating insight into what the past looked like, why Vatican II was such a lightbulb moment for so many religious, and why the church seems have to reined in any sort of divergent thinking ever since.

[Gene · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brilliantly written memoir by Peter Manseau, the child of a former nun and a priest who even after marriage insists on remaining a priest. Manseau shows us the worst of the Roman Catholic Church, its bureaucratic stolidity and a deep corruption that covered up decades of abuse. But he also shows us the Church at its best, through the lives of those who continue to follow its ideals against all evidence that the institution does not live up to them.

[Irene · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author traces the stories of his parents’ Catholic vocations, an experience that was emblematic of much of American Catholicism in the second half of the 20th century. In the 1950s, his father and mother were part of an unprecedented wave of youth entering the seminary and convent. Responding to the new vision of Vatican II and the social unrest around the country, both began to serve the impoverished minority community of Roxbury in the 1960s. And both joined the mass exodus of nuns and priests out of religious life to marry. But unlike most, his father refused to be laicized, insisting that he had a human right to be both an ordained priest and married. This was a fight he continued to fight through the end of the book. His mother was among the many Boston Catholics who made credible accusations of sexual misconduct against her parish priest, accusations that were often not validated because of the time that elapsed between the abuse and the legal claim. The author seemed to be critical of the Church, his parents’ religious formation and the Church’s current practices.2.5 stars

[Sarak · Rating 4 out of 5]

My review from 2007 on LibraryThing: Vows: The Story of a Priest, a Nun, and Their Son by Peter Manseau was very interesting. I know people who grew up in the Roman Catholic Church following Vatican II and I've heard their stories of the shock and delight of guitar masses, priests and nuns who seemed human and caring about real life, and priests and nuns who thought they would soon marry. Peter Manseau's parents were right in the middle of this time living as people who had dedicated their lives to the church. They re-evaluated the meaning of their vows in light of the new ways of studying the Bible and theology and were married. We now know that at the same time the Roman Catholic church in the US was also hiding sexual abuse by priests and shaming their victims into silence. From the present Peter Manseau re-evaluates how both the sexual abuse scandal and Vatican II affected his parents and made his life possible and complicated.

Very interesting!

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read most of this book but found the back stories of sexual abuse before the years of seminary and convent life so incredibly sad that I had to skip parts of the book. I had just read The Edge of Sadness which is fiction not memoir but was such a positive and honest account of the priesthood and comparing it with this devastating story was painful. I wonder what it will take to make changes in the Catholic church to allow married priests and the ordination of women as priests.

I went back and read more focussing on Manseau's own story of vocation and faith and found that very interesting. He was moved by Thomas Merton's work and visited a monastery but in a pretty amusing story heard a voice saying "You don't belong here." He found his vocation instead as an author but also as a curator of religious exhibits. He is married and has a child. Interesting. I'd like to know more.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a Catholic who is extremely disappoint in her faith, I found this book not only thought provoking but entertaining. The first section was my faith as a child. Second as a young adult and the conclusion has all my doubts and disappointments towards the RC Church. I’m looking forward to a sequel.

[Beth Leanza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vows by Peter Manseau

I really enjoyed reading this. As a former nun and devout Catholic this awakened so many memories. And revived my hopes still, that the church will change. Eliminating chastity for priests would greatly reduce the shortage. Allowing women to be ordained (dare I hope?) would also be a great thing for the church...

[Julie Barnard · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book, particularly interesting since my father was a priest for nearly 20 years before he married my mother.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful, beautifully written book. I wish Pope Francis would read it!

[Michiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard Manseau interviewed on Fresh Air a few years ago, and tucked the book back into a corner of my brain. When I saw it at a bargain book place this last fall, I had to get it. I think it was more and better than I had originally thought it would be.

While reading this book, I had been pondering how I would rate it. First 3rd: 5 stars. Middle 3rd: 3 stars. Last 3rd: 4. Maybe 5. It's a disjointed book.

I loved reading about Catholic Boston in the 1950's and the stories about the author's parents and how they entered religious life. I also liked the immigrant stories.

After the author's parents married (this is no spoiler; it's on the cover), I felt the story lagged. Also, I was annoyed with Fr. Manseau for wanting his cake and eating it too, I felt. If he can't follow the rules, he should join another club. I felt maybe the author didn't quite do enough to explain why, why, why his father should be so steadfast in remaining Catholic while at the same time confronting it. Yet, the author did try to explain it over and over. Perhaps some things just can't be put into words, especially faith things.

The final bit, the part about the erupting sex scandals in the Boston diocese, at first I really did not want to read about. But upon reflection, I decided that although it is not a subject I like to think about, perhaps if we all thought about these things, we may be able to keep repeats from happening. Silence does nothing helpful, as the Scandals show us too clearly.

I ended the book feeling very glad to have read it. No institution is perfect in this flawed world, the Catholic Church included, but I was heartened by the hope and optimism of Manseau's parents at the closing.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find it hard to pinpoint what it is about Vows that disappoints me. I suppose expected the book to delve more into the main characters' theological and spiritual journeys, but instead, the first half is a somewhat factual and chronological retelling of the author's parents' stories - told in a surprisingly cold and distant tone - and the book only glances on spiritual questions until the author himself reaches college. At that point, the book picked up steam as it became more about a spiritual awakening of sorts, but even then, I felt that a lot was being left out.

I would have appreciated less detail about supporting characters and more detail about the mother and father's personal spiritual journeys as individuals and as a family - why they really wanted to become a nun and a priest and why they chose, after years in religious service, to get married; how they first told their children the unusual story of their origin; how the author's brother and sister felt about their Catholic and yet non-Catholic upbringing; and so forth - but the book seemed to jump fairly abruptly from their marriage to their youngest child's college years.

And discussion of the parents' underlying beliefs - which, really, should be the core of the book - is sadly lacking and superficial, as if the author found it too hard to ask his parents pressing questions.

This book has its interesting parts, and is worth reading as part of a larger religious study, but I'm glad it was a library read and not a purchase.

[Beryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Bill Manseau married Mary Dougherty, an ex-nun, he was still a priest. He believed his marriage, one of the earliest and most publicized of such happenings in the post-Vatican II Church, would help spur recognition that a married Catholic clergy was not only possible, but would raise the sacrament of matrimony to the holy place God intended it to be.

The Manseaus enter marriage with the zeal of apostles, working with the poor, and sharing the liturgy - a faith that will impact the lives of their children in ways they did not foresee.

In telling his parent's story, Peter Manseau has written a brilliant and illuminating book limning the impact, both positive and negative, that the Church has on the lives of its faithful.

It reminds me of those "connect-the-dots" games we played as children. As the story unfolds, we follow the Manseau family through the labyrinth of Church policy and its theology of a celibate priesthood - dots the Church would undoubtedly prefer to remain hidden.

When Manseau's mother reveals that for more than 30 years she has carried the secret of having been sexually and psychologically abused by her parish priest, the scandal of Church power and hierarchical cover-up as revealed in Vows reaches almost incendiary power.

Nevertheless, Manseau's tone remains respectful of the Church and of the yearning for belief. I found his own search for faith the most touching and powerful story of all.

[Aldean · Rating 5 out of 5]

A startling, unexpected book. Given the subtitle, it is easy to jump to conclusion about the books subject and the tone it is likely to take. While such assumptions will likely be basically correct about the core subject of the book, the tone will just as likely be surprising. This is not a bitter memoir, nor is it a diatribe against the Catholic Church. Rather, Manseau takes the provocative union of his deeply religious parents and charts their pilgrim's progress through a time in the Church in America than "tumultuous" scarcely begins to describe. Deeply involved in not only the upheavals before and after Vatican II but also the tragic history of clerical abuse in the Boston Archdiocese, the story continues on to include the author's own deeply-felt faith journey, which leads him in unexpected directions. A powerful examination of faith and relign in the lives of very real, very sincere people.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Peter Manseau is the son of a Catholic priest and a former nun. Vows is his autobiography along with the biographies of his parents, and their spiritual involvement. Since it takes place in Boston, the various molestation charges against local priests throughout the years do figure quite heavily in the book. The Manseau and Doherty (the author’s mother) clans are deeply rooted in their faith and the author shows clearly the pros and cons of such lives.

Manseau offers a tantalizing picture of religious life both in and out of seclusion, and of two people who feel a calling both to marriage and to service to the Catholic church. Interesting and well-written: a good read.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for February Stanford Young Alumni book club. Very interesting! Not the salacious tale I expected before starting, "Vows" ends up being a beautiful meditation on the nature of faith and religion. The story of Peter Manseau's parents and their marriage in the 1960's is set against the backdrop of the revelations of hidden sexual abuse within the Catholic church especially as concerns the Boston diocese. I also started this book right after Pope Benedict's announcement of his planned abdication. Should make for an interesting book club discussion this weekend!

[Heather Stoffa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up thinking it was going to be more of a scandalous tale (judging from the tagline about a priest, a nun and their son), which would have been okay, but instead I found a moving gem about personal identity and faith. In addition to relaying the experiences of his parents, the author goes in to his own religious confusion and journey, drawing from the ideals of his family and searching for his own identity. It is one of the best and most honest books I have ever read on the subject of faith.

[Bridget · Rating 4 out of 5]

I throughly enjoyed this book. But unlike other reviewers I don't see how a non Catholic would read this book and enjoy it as much. This book is very catholic. This book does not shy away from the darkness in the church. Instead it bluntly talks about all the abuse. Cringe worthy sometimes, this book helped me navigate the often troubled waters of being a catholic. Someone much wiser than me told me that her faith was questioned every day, but it was also strengthen everyday. This book reminded me of that.

[Maureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title is a real grabber - almost tabloid - but since I had a brother who left the priesthood and married an ex-nun, it hit home. I always wondered what I child of theirs would have had to endure so this book sure gave me insight. They both entered the seminary and convent during the period covered in the book. Both the priest's and nun's story were very informative and interesting, the son's not so much.

[Alia · Rating 2 out of 5]

The circumstances of the author's family are so facinating that really this should have been a more interesting book. And some of the stuff in here about the Catholic Church was facinating. But there is too much going on. Sadly, I think I only finished it because I was on jury duty and it was the only book I had brought with me.

[Jncperrin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives a lot of background into the Catholic church. I also learned that those Priests who chose to marry were considered to be a part of the sex scandal in the Catholic church. Really good read!

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

The thoughtful and well written story of the author's parents, a priest and a nun, who married during the turbulent post Vatican II era. One sees the secretive and powerful institutional structure which hid abusive priests which so damaged the church's faithful. Fascinating book.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought provoking - certainly a different religious experience than I grew up with. Author was able to examine a very complex, emotional, and personal issue while maintaining an objective presentation.

[Daughters Of Abraham]

This book is the story of a former priest and former nun who marry. It made for a very lively discussion. It provided an opportunity to discuss the differences between individual and institutional Catholicism. It might offend really traditional Catholics.

[Judy Abdallah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just OK. I didn't find it as interesting as I expected. Too much of it is just chronological. His parents seem to be interesting characters - I would have liked to read more about their personalities in detail.