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Teen-Proofing Fostering Responsible Decision Making in Your Teenager
John Rosemond is a renowned child psychologist who has helped millions of parents learn to raise their children and remain sane.
In Teen-Proofing , now available in paperback, he tackles the challenges of raising a teenager with his trademark user-friendly, humorous, and commonsense style. Rosemond lays out a perfectly sound and logical case for recognizing the realities of the teen-parent relationship, forming the foundation, and parenting with the "Long Rope Principle." In short, the author demonstrates how Mom and Dad can avoid the pitfalls of becoming dictatorial "Control Freaks," skirt the potholes of turning into permissive "Wimps," and enjoy the freedom and rewards of parenting in a controlled (but not controlling) and relaxed manner. Teenagers, Rosemond readily admits, can be a challenge. But infusing young adults with a sense of personal responsibility, then showing them the results of good and bad choices, is a goal every parent can achieve.
In Teen-Proofing , now available in paperback, he tackles the challenges of raising a teenager with his trademark user-friendly, humorous, and commonsense style. Rosemond lays out a perfectly sound and logical case for recognizing the realities of the teen-parent relationship, forming the foundation, and parenting with the "Long Rope Principle." In short, the author demonstrates how Mom and Dad can avoid the pitfalls of becoming dictatorial "Control Freaks," skirt the potholes of turning into permissive "Wimps," and enjoy the freedom and rewards of parenting in a controlled (but not controlling) and relaxed manner. Teenagers, Rosemond readily admits, can be a challenge. But infusing young adults with a sense of personal responsibility, then showing them the results of good and bad choices, is a goal every parent can achieve.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
157 people are currently reading
421 people want to read
About the author
John Rosemond
52 books73 followersJohn Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society. In 1999, his alma mater conferred upon John the Distinguished Alumni Award, given only once per year. Upon acceptance, he gave the commencement address.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
April 23, 2009
While I agree that Rosemond can seem a bit condescending, I think it's mostly it's part of his plan to get people to lighten up about themselves a little. I found this book amazing and am anxious for my husband to read it so that we can be on the same page. We happen to be blessed so far with a teenager with a sunny personality and good behavior. We're not stupid and think she's going to remain perfect, but this book gives practical advice. I was able to utilize some of his tactics tonight. She has a big test to study for in order to be placed higher in high school next year. This outcome is her desire so that she doesn't have to take two math classes in one semester in her sophomore year. She has an opportunity to study and practice for the test. My husband and I have been reminding and cajoling and arguing for her to study. Tonight - like a lightbulb - it occurred to me that we were more stressed about her passing than SHE was. Not good. So, we announced to her tonight that we would no longer remind, argue, complain or cajole. This is HER decision, HER goal and if she chooses not to pass that test, SHE will have to live with the consequences (two math classes in one semester) However, if SHE decides to commit to the goal of passing the test, we will be more than happy to help her with her studying. Now, she can't get mad at US for nagging her. She'll have to nag herself. It's great to see her struggling with how she's going to set her priorities. I hope she chooses to study and pass the test, but if she doesn't my husband and I will not be stressed. She will - which is how it should be. I would recommend this book to EVERY parent with a teenager!
July 18, 2012
Oh, how I wish I had picked up John Rosemond when he was recommended to me over ten years ago! I'm extremely grateful I didn't wait any longer. This book contains not only a great deal of good sense and very practical advice for the parents of teens and pre-teens, but also a huge dose of humor. Rosemond invented the term "tweenager" (which has now entered the vernacular as tween) and tells astonishing stories of helping teens gain a great deal of freedom by becoming responsible and reliable, well on their way to good citizenship.
Best of all, this is a book you can try yourself to see if it works. We have, and it does! I did not believe some of the stories of teen transformation (from monsters to model citizens) at first: they seemed too good to be true. But having put some of it to the test, albeit in a limited way, I am now a practitioner myself.
My advice: read at least two-thirds before you make a judgment, because he doesn't put all his cards on the table up front. I liked it more the further I read.
Since reading this I have picked up two more Rosemond books. My wife continues to hear me guffawing as I read, and we are gaining a lot of helpful input on parenting as well.
Best of all, this is a book you can try yourself to see if it works. We have, and it does! I did not believe some of the stories of teen transformation (from monsters to model citizens) at first: they seemed too good to be true. But having put some of it to the test, albeit in a limited way, I am now a practitioner myself.
My advice: read at least two-thirds before you make a judgment, because he doesn't put all his cards on the table up front. I liked it more the further I read.
Since reading this I have picked up two more Rosemond books. My wife continues to hear me guffawing as I read, and we are gaining a lot of helpful input on parenting as well.
June 15, 2017
This is actually my second time reading this book. This time, I read it with my husband. I love John Rosemond's books. He is so practical and so calm. I get tons of great perspective and advice on how to discipline my children; but, best of all, I get great advice on how to think about child-rearing. Thanks, Dr. Rosemond! Oh--and this stuff really works. I am down to one teen in the house, and this book has been very helpful with all of them.
April 21, 2018
1.5 stars
Summed up: micromanagement is bad and backfires, the Bible backs up what I'm saying, I've had 2 teenage kids so I know EVERYTHING, I've published books so I know everything.
Teen-Proofing is the first John Rosemond book I've finished. He seems old-fashioned, stubborn, arrogant and judgmental. He speaks with "ultimate authority" and acts as if he knows everything. Some of his ideas are decent, but they are ruined by references to the Bible, completely unnecessary judgement, and bad ideas. Reading this book showed me some bad advice and theories I completely disagree with. He really stresses how important parental authority is, and how without it your kids will be screwed up for life. He is right that having no boundaries will cause problems, but the amount of strict authority and "do it because I said so" isn't good either.
The (Few) Good Things
Solution-based. He tackles some problems with concrete consequences or solutions.
Some of the 6 'C's. His idea on cash for teenagers is very intelligent (give $100 a month for spending on things they want, but that's it, no more. If teens want more they can get a job). In today's society majority of teens DO have jobs, so maybe the amount should be smaller (or start younger, at tweens) - but it does teach saving and being money smart while eliminating potential conflicts. The portion on curfews isn't too bad either.
Sometimes, his ideas on drinking/drugs and SOMETIMES sex were reasonable. Not always though.
Want proof the book sucks? Read these quotes.
"Occasionally, someone will ask why I never talk or write about parents who don't care - parents of the lazy, irresponsible, good for nothing sort." (Rosemond, 4).
"Parents began to think that one error could mar a child's emotional makeup forever, resulting in some permanent sexual neurosis or deviation (anal retentiveness, penis envy, homosexuality)." (9).
>>Um, so you're saying being gay is a form of "sexual neurosis or deviation"? What?
"Furthermore, as every gregarious adult who was once a shy child (me included) will tell you, "Deep down inside, I'm still very shy, really.'" (12).
>>The author loves speaking for every single person!
"Being human, he is imperfect--in theological terms, sinful." (16).
>> *Eye roll*
"You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe, promise, or "good" reason, but simply because we say so. He can question his parents' decisions, but he cannot question their authority. Why? Because their authority is legitimate, and therefore not open to question." (25).
>> So old-fashioned! Kid asks why, parent says "Because I told you so, end of conversation." What a healthy and good relationship where learning opportunities aren't passed by!
"His parents, therefore, don't need to go to any lengths to motivate him to always do his best. In short, he's a 'good kid.'" (31).
>> Because the world is black and white and if you're a kid you're either good or bad. Having one problem or behaviour determines if you're bad. Great!
Everything wrong with this quote:
"[T]he only type of parent who is willing to spend 75 or more dollars for 45 minutes of counseling with another imperfect, sinful human being is responsible, committed, hardworking, concerned, and all the things good parents should be. Lazy, irresponsible parents don't micromanage." (43).
All the judgment in this:
"Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not going to persuade fundamentally lazy people who have no common sense to begin with that they're acting like unmitigated idiots." (61).
"If you respect your parents, you will try not to disappoint them. You will try to please them. It's as simple as that." (71-72).
>> Yeah, no.
"Ideally, a teenager's free time should be fairly equally distributed among:
a. activities that are organized and adult-directed (clubs, sports teams, Scouts, church youth groups)
[shortened] b - peers, c - family, d - solitary" (101).
>> HA, if my parents made me join a frickin CHURCH GROUP I would be furious! That's so embarrassing and stupid for teenagers!
"Please note that my children could be as insolent, each in his/her own way, as anyone else's children, which only goes to prove: Perfect parenting does not result in perfect children." (127).
>> Ever Mr. Arrogant, aren't you? No, your kids definitely did NOT have perfect parenting, because you're not perfect! And as you said, no parent is ever perfect (since "God's children" are imperfect and sinful)!
His take on a girl who liked to stay in her room and not interact with her family:
"Obviously, she was a World Class Creep only when around her own family, which had done nothing to deserve her rude, sassy, insolent, petulant, bratty, obnoxious, creepy behaviour. One day, during the family meal, the parents were talking about something they'd done the night before, trying to ignore the Creep..." (137).
>> Okay, dude, do you even understand what a creep is? *Facepalm*.
"Sex education can, indeed, be effective, but most existing programs flunk the litmus test. Those that send the strong message "You are not ready for sex, so don't do it" are clearly the most successful.... Instead of stressing knowledge or open communication or getting in touch with feelings or values, Grady's program stresses one word: No." (202)
>> Abstinence-only sex-ed doesn't work. It just doesn't. Teens are going to have sex anyway! DUH, as a teen would say!
"'Best Friends,' which is now in more than 20 cities nationwide, stresses abstinence from sex and drugs, positive role models, and self-respect (as opposed to self-esteem, which is a code word for perpetual narcissism). The core message inside it is that every young girl has it within her grasp to achieve a good and even noble life." (203).
"A disrespectful child has clearly done something wrong. She requires, therefore, correction. If, on the other hand, we think of the child as being "angry," the implication is that the child's parents may have done something wrong." (206).
>> Did you ever think maybe it's a two way street and both the parents and child have a role in the child misbehaving or being upset?? Of course not. The child is 100% wrong, it is all their fault and the parents are fault-free.
"This is unfortunate, given that the Judeo-Christian ethic informs us it is impossible for anyone to develop true self-respect without first having developed respect for others, beginning with one's parents." (207).
>> Self-respect and respect for others go together - if self-respect is low, respect for others is low. If self-respect is high, respect for others is high. It's not one before the other. They're linked. The author doesn't get this? A child learns to respect themselves after being seen and understood by their parents.
"I speak with complete authority on this subject because I spent most of my childhood in two stepfamilies." (211).
>>Yes, because you having stepparents means you are 100% right, your situation means your suggestions apply 100% to everyone else, and you know everything about the subject (which is how he wrote)? No.
Author believes stepparents should assume "full parental responsibility" (in his exact words), no matter what the situation. Doesn't matter the personalities of the children, parent and stepparent, it should be automatically that way.
>> I totally disagree. It should be based around personalities, child's ages, etc. It's a unique family-on-family basis.
"You might also want to point out that AIDS can be transmitted by means other than sex, and that is, therefore, wrong to judge a person on the basis of this one characteristic.” (227).
>> I can't tell if he is implying that getting AIDS from sex is something you should be judged for.
If an ex is talking bad things about you to your kids, say:
“‘I’m sorry that your father tells you such things. It must hurt and confuse you a great deal. I’m not going to confuse you any more than you already are; therefore, we’re not going to talk about it.’” (254).
>> What a horrible way to deal with this. There's an issue, and the parent just says "we're not going to talk about it"? God.
“Here’s what I really think: Today’s teenagers are not, by and large, smarter than “we” were, the “we” in question being middle-aged baby boomers. They are not even as smart, on average.” (267).
>> Of course, your generation was the best, smartest, etc. and 'today's teens' (written a while ago) just have all the problems.
Would recommend to: No one. This is not a book I would say is worth reading.
Summed up: micromanagement is bad and backfires, the Bible backs up what I'm saying, I've had 2 teenage kids so I know EVERYTHING, I've published books so I know everything.
Teen-Proofing is the first John Rosemond book I've finished. He seems old-fashioned, stubborn, arrogant and judgmental. He speaks with "ultimate authority" and acts as if he knows everything. Some of his ideas are decent, but they are ruined by references to the Bible, completely unnecessary judgement, and bad ideas. Reading this book showed me some bad advice and theories I completely disagree with. He really stresses how important parental authority is, and how without it your kids will be screwed up for life. He is right that having no boundaries will cause problems, but the amount of strict authority and "do it because I said so" isn't good either.
The (Few) Good Things
Solution-based. He tackles some problems with concrete consequences or solutions.
Some of the 6 'C's. His idea on cash for teenagers is very intelligent (give $100 a month for spending on things they want, but that's it, no more. If teens want more they can get a job). In today's society majority of teens DO have jobs, so maybe the amount should be smaller (or start younger, at tweens) - but it does teach saving and being money smart while eliminating potential conflicts. The portion on curfews isn't too bad either.
Sometimes, his ideas on drinking/drugs and SOMETIMES sex were reasonable. Not always though.
Want proof the book sucks? Read these quotes.
"Occasionally, someone will ask why I never talk or write about parents who don't care - parents of the lazy, irresponsible, good for nothing sort." (Rosemond, 4).
"Parents began to think that one error could mar a child's emotional makeup forever, resulting in some permanent sexual neurosis or deviation (anal retentiveness, penis envy, homosexuality)." (9).
>>Um, so you're saying being gay is a form of "sexual neurosis or deviation"? What?
"Furthermore, as every gregarious adult who was once a shy child (me included) will tell you, "Deep down inside, I'm still very shy, really.'" (12).
>>The author loves speaking for every single person!
"Being human, he is imperfect--in theological terms, sinful." (16).
>> *Eye roll*
"You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe, promise, or "good" reason, but simply because we say so. He can question his parents' decisions, but he cannot question their authority. Why? Because their authority is legitimate, and therefore not open to question." (25).
>> So old-fashioned! Kid asks why, parent says "Because I told you so, end of conversation." What a healthy and good relationship where learning opportunities aren't passed by!
"His parents, therefore, don't need to go to any lengths to motivate him to always do his best. In short, he's a 'good kid.'" (31).
>> Because the world is black and white and if you're a kid you're either good or bad. Having one problem or behaviour determines if you're bad. Great!
Everything wrong with this quote:
"[T]he only type of parent who is willing to spend 75 or more dollars for 45 minutes of counseling with another imperfect, sinful human being is responsible, committed, hardworking, concerned, and all the things good parents should be. Lazy, irresponsible parents don't micromanage." (43).
All the judgment in this:
"Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not going to persuade fundamentally lazy people who have no common sense to begin with that they're acting like unmitigated idiots." (61).
"If you respect your parents, you will try not to disappoint them. You will try to please them. It's as simple as that." (71-72).
>> Yeah, no.
"Ideally, a teenager's free time should be fairly equally distributed among:
a. activities that are organized and adult-directed (clubs, sports teams, Scouts, church youth groups)
[shortened] b - peers, c - family, d - solitary" (101).
>> HA, if my parents made me join a frickin CHURCH GROUP I would be furious! That's so embarrassing and stupid for teenagers!
"Please note that my children could be as insolent, each in his/her own way, as anyone else's children, which only goes to prove: Perfect parenting does not result in perfect children." (127).
>> Ever Mr. Arrogant, aren't you? No, your kids definitely did NOT have perfect parenting, because you're not perfect! And as you said, no parent is ever perfect (since "God's children" are imperfect and sinful)!
His take on a girl who liked to stay in her room and not interact with her family:
"Obviously, she was a World Class Creep only when around her own family, which had done nothing to deserve her rude, sassy, insolent, petulant, bratty, obnoxious, creepy behaviour. One day, during the family meal, the parents were talking about something they'd done the night before, trying to ignore the Creep..." (137).
>> Okay, dude, do you even understand what a creep is? *Facepalm*.
"Sex education can, indeed, be effective, but most existing programs flunk the litmus test. Those that send the strong message "You are not ready for sex, so don't do it" are clearly the most successful.... Instead of stressing knowledge or open communication or getting in touch with feelings or values, Grady's program stresses one word: No." (202)
>> Abstinence-only sex-ed doesn't work. It just doesn't. Teens are going to have sex anyway! DUH, as a teen would say!
"'Best Friends,' which is now in more than 20 cities nationwide, stresses abstinence from sex and drugs, positive role models, and self-respect (as opposed to self-esteem, which is a code word for perpetual narcissism). The core message inside it is that every young girl has it within her grasp to achieve a good and even noble life." (203).
"A disrespectful child has clearly done something wrong. She requires, therefore, correction. If, on the other hand, we think of the child as being "angry," the implication is that the child's parents may have done something wrong." (206).
>> Did you ever think maybe it's a two way street and both the parents and child have a role in the child misbehaving or being upset?? Of course not. The child is 100% wrong, it is all their fault and the parents are fault-free.
"This is unfortunate, given that the Judeo-Christian ethic informs us it is impossible for anyone to develop true self-respect without first having developed respect for others, beginning with one's parents." (207).
>> Self-respect and respect for others go together - if self-respect is low, respect for others is low. If self-respect is high, respect for others is high. It's not one before the other. They're linked. The author doesn't get this? A child learns to respect themselves after being seen and understood by their parents.
"I speak with complete authority on this subject because I spent most of my childhood in two stepfamilies." (211).
>>Yes, because you having stepparents means you are 100% right, your situation means your suggestions apply 100% to everyone else, and you know everything about the subject (which is how he wrote)? No.
Author believes stepparents should assume "full parental responsibility" (in his exact words), no matter what the situation. Doesn't matter the personalities of the children, parent and stepparent, it should be automatically that way.
>> I totally disagree. It should be based around personalities, child's ages, etc. It's a unique family-on-family basis.
"You might also want to point out that AIDS can be transmitted by means other than sex, and that is, therefore, wrong to judge a person on the basis of this one characteristic.” (227).
>> I can't tell if he is implying that getting AIDS from sex is something you should be judged for.
If an ex is talking bad things about you to your kids, say:
“‘I’m sorry that your father tells you such things. It must hurt and confuse you a great deal. I’m not going to confuse you any more than you already are; therefore, we’re not going to talk about it.’” (254).
>> What a horrible way to deal with this. There's an issue, and the parent just says "we're not going to talk about it"? God.
“Here’s what I really think: Today’s teenagers are not, by and large, smarter than “we” were, the “we” in question being middle-aged baby boomers. They are not even as smart, on average.” (267).
>> Of course, your generation was the best, smartest, etc. and 'today's teens' (written a while ago) just have all the problems.
Would recommend to: No one. This is not a book I would say is worth reading.
March 31, 2021
Great book on parenting a teen, though a little outdated (written in 1998), worth the time!
November 13, 2021
A healthy, at time humorous reality check that parenting is tough, mistakes will be made and due to the unpredictability of human nature, the outcome of parenting your teen isn’t related to the effort/time/good intentions you put in. Though, I will take the stance this parenting thing is all worth it!
October 22, 2010
As a parent who has had a reputation for being a bit of a softy this is an outstanding book for parents with "tweens" and teens!
Exactly the right book for the right time (for me)!
It spoke to me loudly as a parent who realizes that he can no longer be a softie and teach his teenage son (now) how to better deal with the "real life" situations that are coming in just a few short years.
While the secondary line in the title (Fostering Responsible Decision Making in Your Teenager) isn't as attention grabbing as the main title, it is the vital essence of what this book is about.
Not only do I love John Rosemond's approach to "rearing", mentoring, disciplining and ultimately empowering "tweens" and teens, but his style is highly readable, and often very funny!
I liked it a lot and have already implemented a few of his "techniques" successfully.
If you have a teen, read it!
Exactly the right book for the right time (for me)!
It spoke to me loudly as a parent who realizes that he can no longer be a softie and teach his teenage son (now) how to better deal with the "real life" situations that are coming in just a few short years.
While the secondary line in the title (Fostering Responsible Decision Making in Your Teenager) isn't as attention grabbing as the main title, it is the vital essence of what this book is about.
Not only do I love John Rosemond's approach to "rearing", mentoring, disciplining and ultimately empowering "tweens" and teens, but his style is highly readable, and often very funny!
I liked it a lot and have already implemented a few of his "techniques" successfully.
If you have a teen, read it!
September 23, 2017
Ok. So I'm a micromanager. Seems I need to step back and let them make choices (and have consequences) while they are home so that when they leave they can function on their own.
May 1, 2018
Interesting thoughts and plans in this book...This book helped me see how to transition to raising kids into into adults, how to give them the appropriate amount of freedoms, but yet hold them accountable and still have rules. I was surprised at some of the ideas, but find myself much better prepared to raise a teen after reading. I borrowed from the library, but bought a used to keep on hand for referring back to in the future since I have 5 kids to raise through the teen years yet.
May 14, 2017
What I learned from this parenting book is that I tend to micro manage my teens. It is a hard thing to step back and let them take the reins in their life after you've been their "boss and manager" for so many years. I have to learn how to step back and let them make choices and let them suffer the consequences and then I can hopefully help them learn lessons that will help them in the future
February 4, 2018
I would recommend this book to parents of children age 2 through 18, and especially for parents of children age 10 through 17. He provides several examples of creative, and likely effective, consequences. For parents of younger kids, he offers insight into the terrible 2's as well as how to establish a good foundation before the tween and teen years arrive.
May 28, 2019
all time favorite parenting book. I read this when my children were toddlers, and it sort of made me begin with the end in mind.
May 3, 2020
I picked up this book years ago when my kids were toddlers, knowing I'd need it someday. I'm so glad I kept it around, because although it was written many years ago and has gathered a ton of dust, it is chalk full of brilliant advice and wisdom. And yes, it is all still pertinent to today's raising of teens. You just have to substitute 'vape' with 'cigarette,' and you're good to go.
I've read a lot of John Rosemond and he tends to be very traditional and "old school," which I mostly like, but I wasn't sure it was going to work in the teen years. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he also believes that some of his 'my way or the highway' methods simply don't work on teens. And the gist of it is, we don't want it to. As he says, you want to give them enough rope to get into trouble so that they make the mistake and thus do the learning. It's sort of counter-intuitive, but he explains it so you get it. I appreciated his reassurance that teens do and will mess up, and that it's all normal.
One particular piece of advice that I liked and need to remember is to go ahead and let your kid have "the last word." "Old school" advice would probably warn against this, saying you can't let your kid exert this power and disrespect over you. However, John Rosemond explains that by letting your kid have the last word, you are, in effect, cutting off the argument; so overall, it's a win for you! I also liked his advice that it's okay, and often advantageous, to wait several days before dispensing a consequence. Sometimes it's better to wait for something that will get their attention. He also talks about "Checkmate Moves," in which you bring down a sledgehammer so hard, they (hopefully) won't forget (or mess up) for a LONG time. However, use judiciously.
Highly recommend to all teen parents!!
I've read a lot of John Rosemond and he tends to be very traditional and "old school," which I mostly like, but I wasn't sure it was going to work in the teen years. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he also believes that some of his 'my way or the highway' methods simply don't work on teens. And the gist of it is, we don't want it to. As he says, you want to give them enough rope to get into trouble so that they make the mistake and thus do the learning. It's sort of counter-intuitive, but he explains it so you get it. I appreciated his reassurance that teens do and will mess up, and that it's all normal.
One particular piece of advice that I liked and need to remember is to go ahead and let your kid have "the last word." "Old school" advice would probably warn against this, saying you can't let your kid exert this power and disrespect over you. However, John Rosemond explains that by letting your kid have the last word, you are, in effect, cutting off the argument; so overall, it's a win for you! I also liked his advice that it's okay, and often advantageous, to wait several days before dispensing a consequence. Sometimes it's better to wait for something that will get their attention. He also talks about "Checkmate Moves," in which you bring down a sledgehammer so hard, they (hopefully) won't forget (or mess up) for a LONG time. However, use judiciously.
Highly recommend to all teen parents!!
January 4, 2020
My first book read for 2020 and it is my OWN book, not a read aloud for the boys - though I know those totally count!
John Rosemond books are wonderful and this one did not disappoint.
As I'm only at the beginning of my "teen years" with the three boys, I imagine I'll be revisiting this book a few times in the years to come.
John Rosemond books are wonderful and this one did not disappoint.
As I'm only at the beginning of my "teen years" with the three boys, I imagine I'll be revisiting this book a few times in the years to come.
October 12, 2023
read this as i was in my senior year in high school i wish my parents would have read it instead of me though. and no hate towards the book but the authors religious and political views don't really line up with the type of stuff he advocates for in this book.
April 19, 2025
Great insight into changing roles as a parent as pre-teens and teens start to find their own path in life. This book is a bit dated, as it was written before social media. I'd be interested to read a current version with the state of the world in 2025.
July 15, 2017
Good advice here and there....but poorly written.
December 13, 2017
Really like the concept of the book. only complain would be in some, not all, cases the ideas were pretty vague. Not enough on teaching how to impliment the ideas.
February 17, 2019
Wonderful, highly informative, entertaining to read. All parents should read John Rosamond's books!
April 2, 2019
Gleaned some good nuggets. Made me think a little differently about parenting teens.
January 26, 2021
Really helped me to understand the various phases of child-rearing.
July 16, 2021
Some contradictory things, preachiness, and religious references that detracted from this book, but otherwise some good insights and ideas on teen behavior/parenting.
January 1, 2023
the title of this book looked promising: your teen making their own decisons but the book fell short of REALLY letting them; it was more of a discipline-in-advance system.
like he says to buy your teen a car and pay the bills for 3 months but then they have to take care of the payments (and keep their grades up) or you'll sell the car. (that's why YOU buy the car - so you can sell it). BUT he also uses taking the car away as a disciplinary action for other things and selling a car can only be done once. not to mention the cost associated with selling a 3-6 month old car. what a waste.
his ideas of curfew are convoluted: tell your child in grade 9 they can have NO curfew when they turn 16.... ok, what's the catch? well, you start with a 9pm curfew and if you arrive on time (everytime) you get to move it a 1/2 hour later. repeat till you are 16 with a curfew of midnight - except now it's no curfew. hmm. i'm not comfortable with NO curfew at 16. this guy must have boys. oh - and this 'no curfew' thing is only for non-school nights, and they still have to tell you who they are with, where they are going, and set an arrival time and not stray from it. i can't see how the carrot of this many-strings-attached-no-curfew will ever work.
what else?
he thinks kids need to discuss any purchase over $50 even if they earn their own money
that expecting a good attitude with obedience will lead to less obedience so don't worry about the bad attitudes
that smoking parents yield a higher proportion of smoking teens and smokers move to cannibis quicker that non-smoking teens
that a natural deterrent to early sexuality is a close relationship between father/daughter
that kids should doing chores as a means to keep out of trouble and that letting screens be your child's primary source of entertainment leads to increased drug use.
not saying i agree with all of this, but i need to place it down here.
he did make a good point about authority: if you haven't achieved the position you wanted by the time they are teens, it's too late. instead, ACT like you've resolved the issue and move forward.
and i liked his approach to teens and sexuality: you can have that open discussion without pushing your own agenda by just asking questions,like what do you think comes after kissing? how do you feel about that? and what comes after (whatever they said)? and how do you feel about that? finally - how will make sure you keep the boundaries you've established for yourself?
like he says to buy your teen a car and pay the bills for 3 months but then they have to take care of the payments (and keep their grades up) or you'll sell the car. (that's why YOU buy the car - so you can sell it). BUT he also uses taking the car away as a disciplinary action for other things and selling a car can only be done once. not to mention the cost associated with selling a 3-6 month old car. what a waste.
his ideas of curfew are convoluted: tell your child in grade 9 they can have NO curfew when they turn 16.... ok, what's the catch? well, you start with a 9pm curfew and if you arrive on time (everytime) you get to move it a 1/2 hour later. repeat till you are 16 with a curfew of midnight - except now it's no curfew. hmm. i'm not comfortable with NO curfew at 16. this guy must have boys. oh - and this 'no curfew' thing is only for non-school nights, and they still have to tell you who they are with, where they are going, and set an arrival time and not stray from it. i can't see how the carrot of this many-strings-attached-no-curfew will ever work.
what else?
he thinks kids need to discuss any purchase over $50 even if they earn their own money
that expecting a good attitude with obedience will lead to less obedience so don't worry about the bad attitudes
that smoking parents yield a higher proportion of smoking teens and smokers move to cannibis quicker that non-smoking teens
that a natural deterrent to early sexuality is a close relationship between father/daughter
that kids should doing chores as a means to keep out of trouble and that letting screens be your child's primary source of entertainment leads to increased drug use.
not saying i agree with all of this, but i need to place it down here.
he did make a good point about authority: if you haven't achieved the position you wanted by the time they are teens, it's too late. instead, ACT like you've resolved the issue and move forward.
and i liked his approach to teens and sexuality: you can have that open discussion without pushing your own agenda by just asking questions,like what do you think comes after kissing? how do you feel about that? and what comes after (whatever they said)? and how do you feel about that? finally - how will make sure you keep the boundaries you've established for yourself?
February 27, 2010
I was surprised to find this book interesting & thought provoking. Rosemond seems much more reasonable in his approach to teenagers than to younger children. He seems to have developed his theories about child-parent relationships WHILE his children were teenagers which perhaps explains why his theories about toddlers seem based in an alternate universe.
His suggestions for parents of teenagers boil down to this: give them freedom AND responsibility, in a carefully outlined plan. (For instance: set a curfew time. Outline your expectations for abiding by that time, and for later curfew times that will come if the child follows the rules for a certain amount of time. Detail what will happen if the child violates the rules. Stick to what you've said.) It seems very sensible.
I was intrigued by his discussion of why parents shouldn't micromanage teens -- in particular, why you shouldn't make a big deal about how they talk to you or their tone of voice, etc. He says you should focus on what they do, not what they say, and if they need to mouth off & get the last word, let them, as long as they do what they need to do. I'm pondering how this might affect us right now.
Anyways, this was a much more nuanced and thoughtful book than I expected from Rosemund, and one that I'm happy I read.
His suggestions for parents of teenagers boil down to this: give them freedom AND responsibility, in a carefully outlined plan. (For instance: set a curfew time. Outline your expectations for abiding by that time, and for later curfew times that will come if the child follows the rules for a certain amount of time. Detail what will happen if the child violates the rules. Stick to what you've said.) It seems very sensible.
I was intrigued by his discussion of why parents shouldn't micromanage teens -- in particular, why you shouldn't make a big deal about how they talk to you or their tone of voice, etc. He says you should focus on what they do, not what they say, and if they need to mouth off & get the last word, let them, as long as they do what they need to do. I'm pondering how this might affect us right now.
Anyways, this was a much more nuanced and thoughtful book than I expected from Rosemund, and one that I'm happy I read.
March 2, 2010
Thank you to the person who recommended this book - I think either Dana or Kim? Anyway, I really enjoyed it. It is an older book, so some of the material seems just a bit dated, but it certainly doesn't impact the underlying content.
It definitely falls into the "tough love" category of parenting books. In fact, if you don't lean towards the "suck it up" philosophy of parenting, this book could be a real turn-off. It is also christian-based, but not to a degree that isn't fairly easily overlooked if that isn't your bag.
The book is filled with incredibly concrete examples, recommended actions, and even sample dialogue for very specific behaviors/actions that Rosemond lumps into what he identifies as the six most basic conflicts between teens (or pre-teens) and parents - cash, curfew, cars, etc. - yes, they all start with C - catchy, huh!?
In a nutshell, the book encourages parents to give pre-teens/teens plenty of opportunities to demonstrate responsibility, thereby earning a great deal of freedom, that is up until the point that they screw up. At that point, you tell them they screwed up, place the blame squarely on them (rather than trying to rack your brain figuring out where you, as a parent, went wrong), and start them back at some lesser degree of freedom until they once again earn your trust.
It definitely falls into the "tough love" category of parenting books. In fact, if you don't lean towards the "suck it up" philosophy of parenting, this book could be a real turn-off. It is also christian-based, but not to a degree that isn't fairly easily overlooked if that isn't your bag.
The book is filled with incredibly concrete examples, recommended actions, and even sample dialogue for very specific behaviors/actions that Rosemond lumps into what he identifies as the six most basic conflicts between teens (or pre-teens) and parents - cash, curfew, cars, etc. - yes, they all start with C - catchy, huh!?
In a nutshell, the book encourages parents to give pre-teens/teens plenty of opportunities to demonstrate responsibility, thereby earning a great deal of freedom, that is up until the point that they screw up. At that point, you tell them they screwed up, place the blame squarely on them (rather than trying to rack your brain figuring out where you, as a parent, went wrong), and start them back at some lesser degree of freedom until they once again earn your trust.
October 17, 2011
This came across my Kindle for free with great reviews. I've read some of Rosemond's columns in the paper and was ready for most of his approach to parenting teens, though I was a bit surprised by just how Biblically-based his views and motivations are. I skipped over that and found many fabulous gems. I love Rosemond's reminders that the teens are the time to allow kids to make mistakes. I love his non-emotional responses to teens' mistakes and some of their silly attitudes and over-reactions, balanced with an unyielding expectation for respect. I don't like the negative phrasing he uses: "give them enough rope to hand themselves" nor his disrespectful attitude at times. I also believe that homeschool removes many of the challenges that schooled kids and their parents have to manage. However, I think this book is well worth the read for anyone who is facing raising a teen ager.
March 5, 2009
A year or two ago, my husband and I attended one of the author's seminars and received a copy of this book. With a 13 year old exhibiting classic "teen" behavior at times, I decided to see what he had to say on the matter. First off, I found the author's tone condescending, his humor unfunny and his writing unpolished and too wordy. That said, he offers interesting insights into a teen's behavior and suggestions for parents of teens. Basically, he recommends that today's parents should return to the parenting style that reigned before the mental health profession promoted a parenting style that focused on a child's self-esteem. He urges parent to give children responsibility for their actions and decisions, allow them to make mistakes, punish their bad behavior, and, of course, give them unconditional love. Above all else, don't micromanage.
June 22, 2016
Much to parents' chagrin, children do not come with manuals when born.
There are millions of books available on parenting with seemingly a million philosophies.
It is often frustrating to find yourself at a point in parenting when you simply cannot figure out which way to go when guiding your adolescent(s). As it turns out, the values my husband and I have toward parenting and family goals match those of John Rosemond; Mr. Rosemond speaks a language my husband and I happen to understand and agree with.
Reading Teen-Proofing is the helpful manual I wish I had discovered years ago -- before my children reached adolescence -- so that I could be firm and comfortable with the big picture of parenting. Parenting is difficult. Being firm with children you hold dear is challenging from time to time. Tough love is sometimes tough on the parent, too. This book may speak to you, too.
There are millions of books available on parenting with seemingly a million philosophies.
It is often frustrating to find yourself at a point in parenting when you simply cannot figure out which way to go when guiding your adolescent(s). As it turns out, the values my husband and I have toward parenting and family goals match those of John Rosemond; Mr. Rosemond speaks a language my husband and I happen to understand and agree with.
Reading Teen-Proofing is the helpful manual I wish I had discovered years ago -- before my children reached adolescence -- so that I could be firm and comfortable with the big picture of parenting. Parenting is difficult. Being firm with children you hold dear is challenging from time to time. Tough love is sometimes tough on the parent, too. This book may speak to you, too.
May 27, 2009
I highly recommend this book - especially to read it before your kids become "tweenagers". What is taught goes along with the Plan of Salvation. We cannot force our children to obey - "not even God can make his children obey". We need to let them make their choices and then help them learn from their mistakes by poviding the needed discipline when that time comes. I learned that I tend to micromanage my children and need to learn to let up so I don't make matters worse. I like that he doesn't go along with most other psycologists in assigning something to blame for why the kids behave as they do. There are only a few things in the book that I disagreed with.
May 6, 2008
This book was v. helpful in learning how to parent a teenager. I started parenting this teen when he was 13. He was 15 when I checked this book out of the library. I didn't use everything in the book but I have implemented many things and it has truly made ALL the difference. The way I found this book among the many teenager parenting books was through John Rosemond's column. He writes a syndicated parenting column. I can't recommend it enough especially if you are spending more time arguing about the things your teen is supposed to be doing and his/her "attitude".
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