4.5 Stars
CWs:
incurred bullying/harassment, incurred homophobia, depictions of anxiety, panic attacks, and obsessive compulsive tendencies
Maulik Pancholy has written a beautiful debut that is funny, charming, heartfelt, and very necessary.
Rahul is a young gay Indian-American kid who is really working through internalized self-hatred. He's embarassed about the color of his skin, the texture of his hair, and he's terrified at the idea of looking inwards to try and understand who he really is and what he really wants. Throughout his life, he's been taught not only to value whiteness, but to covet whiteness. And the more he tries to mindlessly emulate that, the further he gets away from his true self.
This story also tackles the model minority myth: this idea that being perfect in all aspects of life will win you acceptance, when actually, conforming to rules that were not made for you only ends up stripping away your individuality. But it also asks how we can navigate sterotypes while pursuing our truth. For example, Rahul is really good at math, and considers joining the Mathletes, but he's terrified that doing so will "confirm" the assumption that all Indians are nerdy and good at math.
We also see this in Rahul's exploration of his identity. He's relentlessly bullied and teased because he "looks gay," which builds in this feeling of shame and sadness. So what would it mean for Rahul if people found out he really was? To me, this speaks to how sometimes sterotypes are not unfounded, but that the stigma surrounding sterotypes can sometimes be even more harmful than the sterotype itself.
This is a beautiful depiction of how family, friendship, and culture can be lifelines in an otherwise confusing and overwhelming world. I had so much fun listening to this audiobook, and I really hope that we can look forward to more books from Maulik Pancholy, because his voice is one we absolutely need.