Taking the Work Out of Networking: An Introvert's Guide to Making Connections That Count

by Karen Wickre

The former Google executive, editorial director of Twitter and self-described introvert offers networking advice for anyone who has ever cancelled a coffee date due to social anxiety—about how to nurture a vibrant circle of reliable contacts without leaving your comfort zone.

Networking has garnered a reputation as a sort of necessary evil in the modern business world. Some do relish the opportunity to boldly work the room, introduce themselves to strangers, and find common career ground—but for many others, the experience is often awkward, or even terrifying.

The common networking advice for introverts are variations on the theme of overcoming or “fixing” their quiet tendencies. But Karen Wickre is a self-described introvert who has worked in Silicon Valley for 30 years. She shows you to embrace your true nature to create sustainable connections that can be called upon for you to get—and give—career assistance, advice, introductions, and lasting connections.

Karen’s “embrace your quiet side” approach is for anyone who finds themselves shying away from traditional networking activities, or for those who would rather be curled up with a good book on a Friday night than out at a party. For example, if you’re anxious about that big professional mixer full of people you don’t know, she advises you to consider skipping it (many of these are not productive), and instead set up an intimate, one-on-one coffee date. She shows how to truly make the most out of social media to sustain what she calls “the loose touch habit” to build your own brain trust to last a lifetime.

With compelling arguments and creative strategies, this new way to network is perfect not only for introverts, but for anyone who wants for a less conventional approach to get ahead in today’s job market.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Communication, Leadership, Psychology, Personal Development

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2018

Reviews

[Emily]

All right, time for "what Emily got out of this self-help book" round-up:

-Networking is a mark of curiosity and empathy about what other people are doing and who they are
-Introverts have the advantage of finding it easier to ask other people about themselves than to talk about/pitch ourselves; we're also natural observers and good listeners, which are both beneficial networking skills
-Putting people in touch is like being a good neighbor!
-Don't think about your networking connections as transactional in nature; consider mutuality and what you can do for them, not just what you need to gain
-Stay in "light touch" with your connections by occasionally reaching out to check in or pass along something you think they'd find interesting--don't only get in touch when you need something
-Online opportunities for networking cater to introverts--you can form meaningful connections with people you never meet IRL or interact with in real time
-"You have to build [your network] when you don't need it," so don't be complacent about making connections just because you are in a job you like right now
-On the flip side, in uncertain times, "Chip away steadily at your uncertainties by reaching out to old and new acquaintances" for informal, informational meetings (knowledge is power!!)
-"You always know more people than you think you know."
-"Tell your story, and be clear about what you need"
-"To build a lasting network, you should aim to be generous not only with others, but also with yourself."

So let's get out there and help ourselves and each other, friends!!

[Ope Bukola · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting insights and guidance, especially on the value of weak connections and how to maintain loose connections. But overall a lot of the content felt like filler, this could have been a great long form article instead of a full book

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

It gave me reminders of things I should be doing more often, but ultimately I didn't get the insights I thought I would. Title explicitly states it's for introverts, but it was just networking for beginners. Most of the advice on aspects introverts don't like was just "do it anyway."

Lost me when discussing how "genuine small talk" should be written in an email before listing your request from them. Nothing really genuine about that though, right? Heavy on basic social media and email pointers.

[Ramona Mead · Rating 5 out of 5]

The concept for this book is absolutely brilliant. As a social introvert who is also an empath, I struggle with wanting to meet new people and make connections, and then being drained by the process. Here, Karen Wickre shows me that my natural tendencies aren't abnormal or wrong. It is possible to make/maintain connections and still stay true to myself. Her writing is conversational and straightforward. It's clear she understands what she's talking about, and she gives tons of examples and references for the reader to utilize as needed. I especially appreciate the breakdown of how to use social media in a healthy way, for maintaining connections. There's guidance on every possible aspect of networking and connecting. I will reference this book again and again as I continue to build my website, brand, and personal network.

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm fortunate to consider myself a member of Karen Wickre's large network, and have benefited from numerous introductions she's made over the years. I've always known how good Karen is at collecting connections, curating her network, and putting it to work in a variety of ways. What I never knew was *how* she does it, and this book is a wonderful dissection of how intentional she is at networking (in all its various forms).

The book is focused specifically on introverts, but I suspect many extroverts will find nuggets in here that will help. (Her thoughts on how to systematically maintain loose ties was particularly insightful for me, and I'm already thinking about how to apply her approach in my own work.) I expect the book will do particularly well among new graduates who are realizing the power of personal networks for the first time, and people experiencing career transitions.

Throughout, Karen's voice comes through. In person she's relaxed, amiable, and curious -- and she has a gift for translating those qualities to the pages in the book. Introverts in particular will feel like they have a trusted confidant who will guide them along the path to a more effective and powerful personal network.

[Matthew Haughey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really solid advice book on networking for people that hate networking. Does a good job explaining how to be helpful to others and build a network by being a nice person instead of steering you to be more pushy and self-promotional.

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

The following is my review of Taking the Work Out of Networking by Karen Wickre. I love the fact the author is from San Francisco as I am also from the Bay Area and like to read local authors.

Networking is a scary process for an introvert especially for me having to push myself into networking and having to talk about myself. I'm a social worker by trade, which you would assume would make me more an extrovert since I have to meet people on a daily basis, but it is mostly listening to others discuss themselves (which is great for my personality type). I’m much more comfortable observing and letting others take the lead in talking. As a freelance editor, I have to market myself and network, so this will be a good book for me to learn strategies to do just that and to use my natural abilities.
I liked the "try it out suggestions" as they were beneficial in providing talking points and exercises; for example, the section on small talk and using social media to do live chats.
The social media section in part 2 was invaluable and provided several suggestions on how to use some of the various platforms to engage and enhance your profile.

Overall, Taking the Work Out of Networking is a solid resource to use as a starting point for introverts to dip their toes into the water of networking.

[Leonardo Longo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Karen Wickre offers networking advice and explores how to nurture a circle of reliable contacts without leaving your comfort zone and being an introvert.
The author is a self-described introvert who has worked in Silicon Valley for 30 years. She shows you to embrace your true nature to create sustainable connections that can be called upon for you to get—and give—career assistance, advice, introductions, and lasting connections.
She shows how to make the most out of social media to sustain what she calls “the loose touch habit” to build your own brain trust to last a lifetime. She gives dozens of advices and goes into the tactical details on how to use LinkedIn, Twitter and others.
With compelling arguments and creative strategies, the author's approach to network is perfect not only for introverts, but for anyone who wants for a less conventional approach to get ahead in today’s job market.

[Karen O'Grady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not sure why this book didn’t get higher ratings - for me, someone who abhors networking and is an INFJ, the advice for loose touch networking, using social media for passive networking and how to go to events and get of there, but still be effective, were incredibly useful. The language was accessible and lively, it was written to be enjoyed and didn’t feel like a slog, as some advice or self help books can be. Perhaps this book repeats or rehashes other networking books, but for someone relatively new to it, who has not nurtured her network as she should, I found it absolutely invaluable.

[Thao Nguyen · Rating 2 out of 5]

What stuck with me in this book is the idea that disadvantages are double-sided. A good communicator sometimes doesn’t have to say a word. The book, however, contains too many nuts and bolts like how to make a great linkedin page, how to make small talks, etc. There is an abundance of articles that serve that purpose. I'm looking for books that help me declutter and turn information madness into broad timeless ideas.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't know this was an 'introvert's guide' to networking, so I was surprised to find a lot of the text and exercises are targeted towards introverts. But even if you are not, this book helps to identify how networking can happen in the modern day using the technology available. Karen Wickre demonstrates how easy and beneficial it is to network, which once practiced is not as challenging or daunting as it may seem. Be nice to people, contact them occasionally as required and give gifts through small interactions which will result in you receiving gifts too.

[Jason Sands · Rating 4 out of 5]

Networking for introverts

This is a good book about networking for introverts who really don’t like to network. The author has good tips for both online and in person networking.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well thought out tips on how to be effective in your networking.

[Christian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is quite a useful book on networking for anyone. For those new to the professional world or those recognizing the power of networking late in their career (like myself), it’s full of highly practical advice.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taking the Work Out of Networking: An Introvert's Guide to Making Connections that Count by Karen Wickre was an interesting read. There wasn't any earth-shattering and/or new advice about networking per se. Instead this was really a reframing of networking. I'll own that as an introvert (and with other identities I have/traits) networking isn't an activity I enjoy. With that in mind, this was a book that actually made me feel better about the next time I'm in a networking space. She really does a great job of explaining networking simply in a way that makes it a far less daunting practice. I appreciated that this book was almost like a boost of confidence for introverts. She explains what qualities and strategies introverts might already have that could be an asset. The tips and tricks in this one are definitely things I plan to revisit and try out down the road. Thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to check this useful tool out!

[Slav Ivanov · Rating 3 out of 5]

While reading the book, I kept repeating to myself: "This is too much work". I can't imagine myself having the time to do 20% of what the author suggests.
But all in all, it's a helpful guide to building a network before you need it.
Personally, I needed the reminder to put myself out there.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a world where job security is a fantasy, work skills are changing on a day by day basis, and career advancement is dependent on emotional intelligence and relationship building as much as raw competence, networking has never been more of an existential imperative. As a veteran communications professional that runs my own PR firm, I’m no wilting lily when it comes to social interaction, but it is easy for it to become a grind that feels far too transactional and inauthentic. When I found out Karen was writing this book, a follow-on to her must-read article on networking in Backchannel/WIRED, I couldn’t wait to get an in-depth primer with her insights. The book doesn’t disappoint, and is an important treatise on network building that serves two critical functions:

1) It will help you get into a much more positive mental frame about networking so it is no longer an icky and debasing chore. Rather, it’s something you do to build communion with your fellow humans based on curiosity, compassion, and mutual respect.

2) It’s a practical handbook with clear, step-by-step guidelines on how to operationalize Karen’s sage advice. She explains in each chapter how various networking functions work strategically and then breaks things down into doable chunks (with templates!) so it’s easy to implement. This is the kind of book you litter with Post-its so you can go back and execute on the areas she outlines. In particular, the chapter on how to engage on different social media channels - each of which have their own unique flavor and approach - was indispensable, even if you’re a digital native who feels fairly comfortable with social media.

I love that Karen devotes an entire chapter to the emotional aspect of social engagement, and the fear, self doubt, and imposter syndrome that almost always come with it, also touching on the unique challenges facing women and older career professionals. It’s supremely comforting to realize we’re not alone in these feelings and that nearly everyone has to muster up courage to put themselves out there.

This is a book that deserves a spot on every working person’s desk. It will help you build your social capital with kindness, integrity and grace, virtues the world needs more of from all of us.

[Brian Cluster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Karen Wickre is an ex- Twitter and Google employees, and a natural introvert writes a valuable book about networking.

This book both provides a both a nice refresher and has some incredibly insightful nuggets that will make you think

1) Networking as a skill is more important than before: With people changing jobs more often and pivoting several times in your career, networking skills are needed to help in building relationships and helping find new roles more frequently.

2) People hate networking for two reasons: a) Its transactional and in my words seems "Selfish) It feels needy. Networking means that you have to ask someone else and it makes you reel vulnerable. But we have to learn to get over it and embrace various types of networking because we all will need a network eventually.

3) Network when you don't need to: Face it, most of the times our network is fairly dormant until something happens or an unexpected job change occurs. In one of the most novel insights in the books, Ms. Wikre explains the Loose-Touch Habit which is basically an intentional way of networking that keeps your network at least luke warm so you don't need to start from zero in an emergency.

4) Weak ties deliver:

"Weak ties are one of the keys to the future of work in organizations today and new tools enable employees to build these ties."- Jacob Morgan

I've read tons of books about networking and job searching but I completely missed this concept. The idea of weak ties is that more weak ties are better in a job search or other networking activity than your close circle. The 'Strength of Close Circles' was a paper written in 1973 that first introduced this idea. I definitely benefited from this idea in my most recent job search and distant circles of networks.

With those four ideas this book will already be worth a read. There are additional key chapters that focuses on Small Talk or making sure you Get Out in the Real World. While the one chapter on social media was dated a bit, that was the only chapter I did not enjoy.


Recommend. And *ESPECIALLY RECOMMENDED* for job seekers.

[Nikki BHt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it is a good book but also the whole book could be summarized in a blog post as there are things that are overly explained, and there are some interesting points I learned. Here is a summery: Deep connections are more important than the number of connections// To deepen your connection, share your stories and find common grounds// have a list of connections to followup with// Be giving and helpful when you don't need to and be taking when you need// you can be giving: praise, LinkedIn recommendation, offer to review presentation or writings, etc // Keep loose touch with sending stories, etc to people from time to time// Most people would enjoy helping you so don't think of yourself as undeserving of help// we enjoy working with people who easily reveal and share// Make a personal-professional profile which gives the feeling that you are human!// Make yourself be seen by making posts about your knowledge, insights, expertise, opinions, things that everyone is talking about, evidence to support a certain idea, etc.// Make friends by helping your virtual connections or in groups!// When meeting with new people have professional stuff to talk about //Show interest in what people are up to at the beginning of an email and first focus on them, not your requests// If you find it hard to make yourself go to events, encourage yourself by buying new things, etc to make yourself feel better// At parties be strategic about 2-3 goals you have, take some time out and go on 1:1 walk//Taking initiative in organizing events, etc helps you build connections// Do not held yourself because you think you are not ready enough: people you should meet next are not the ones doing the hiring// And finally as an introvert, I found this simple sentence very interesting to think about: TALKING IS A SOCIAL LUBRICANT NOT NECESSARILY DONE TO CONVEY INFORMATION!!!

[Bookworm · Rating 2 out of 5]

Borrowed this on a whim since I am someone who identifies as an introvert and HATES networking and has never seen much come out of it, ever. It sounded like exactly what would help me: using what I do and don't like in leveraging how I can network without necessarily leaving my comfort zone. Great!

Unfortunately, there wasn't much here that was new to me. I've read several books/articles/social media posts about how introverts can network and there isn't much that I found useful or groundbreaking. For anyone who is already familiar with social media and email, there isn't a lot that's new. If you've been around them, you'll likely know the strengths and weaknesses of them, the audiences they focus on, etc.

I suppose the one section that was beneficial for me (but not necessarily telling me anything new) was the "loose touch" section where you occasionally ping someone you haven't spoken to in awhile by dropping the occasional article, post, etc. and ask them what they thought and all that. I understand this, especially since I'm wary of people suddenly showing up only to disappear when they get what they need, no thank you or acknowledgement or reciprocal help. I'm not entirely sure it's a great method (sometimes it can come across as weird) but it might work for some.

I liked the idea, but this book seems geared towards someone who maybe has no idea how to network, is new to working (like a student) or is returning after a long absence and may not be up to speed on how to use social networks, etc.

Definitely a library borrow, but it could make for a good gift for someone new to the workforce (graduating student) or re-entering it after being away for awhile.

[Nick Orvis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Karen Wickre's Taking the Work Out of Networking is a breezy and relatively pleasant read, though I'm starting to think that self-help books just aren't for me. It covers all the basics of networking for someone who's introverted - for Wickre, this clearly means mostly that the person wants to do their networking from behind a screen.

This is a little bit odd, to me, as I find my own introversion manifesting in ways that also make networking hard in digital environments (for example, not liking the thrum and back-and-forth of emails, not wanting to "bother" people with texts, etc.). But I do think a lot of her strategies and suggestions may prove useful, although the latter half of the book boils down largely to "do you know social media? You should - tactically - be on social media!" That section is also unfortunately already dated, since it goes into some detail on how to navigate particular sites that don't exist in the same form and/or have been rebranded since the book was published in 2019.

But Wickre's points about "light-touch" contacts - the ones you're in touch with infrequently, but enough to be considered an acquaintance - were eye-opening to me, particularly the observation that these are the people who are likely to make the biggest difference in a job search. I'd like to do a better job maintaining touch with people in my life partly for that reason - and also, as she points out, because there's no reason networking has to be transactional. I also like a lot of people and would enjoy being in more regular touch with them! I just don't want to be a bother.

[Matthieu Cornillon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked some aspects of the spirit of this book. Specifically, I liked that it acknowledged the dread of transactional networking and suggested a move to something more meaningful. Unfortunately, I found myself wishing it spent more time on that, instead of the concrete suggestions, many of which seemed to veer back into the transactional.

I am guessing it will be helpful for some, but for me it just felt thin: there was little more than a couple of blog posts of valuable information.

Full disclosure: I have realized that I have a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to books that are purportedly for introverts. I know there is really something to the introvert/extrovert spectrum, but my experience is that it's less cut-and-dried than the labels often suggest. Many would describe me as an extrovert, but I identify with many of the experiences that introverts share. A book that caters to an audience of self-identified introverts is fine, but it bugs me when there is an attitude of holding one's nose to navigate the world. I got that vibe in parts of this book, as I have in other books on similar topics. Why not take a less judgmental path? Why not acknowledge differences, acknowledge what people hope to achieve, acknowledge how the differences help/hinder those efforts, and then offer guidance on the navigation without value judgment? I'm overly sensitive to this, though, so take my words with a grain of salt. The author wasn't trampling!

[James Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

An informative, enlightening, and potentially transformational book

The theme/message that comes through in this must-read book is that successful networking springs from, first and foremost, gestures of generosity, a desire to help others by sharing with them information, ideas, recommendations and introductions to other people, even in some cases without their having to ask. That, and being comfortable enough to ask for help yourself when you need it, which may or may not come naturally to you. Such interactions elevate ‘networking’ into ‘connecting,’ which has all sorts of benefits for everyone involved.

For me, this is a refreshing and valuable way to rethink the old networking concept, which too often is equated with going to functions you don’t want to attend and forcing yourself into extrovert mode, introducing and then explaining yourself to strangers.

Wickre’s warm, engaging, comfortable writing style makes it feel as if you’re hanging out with a smart, long-time friend over coffee. All told, this is an informative, enlightening, and potentially even transformational book, an essential read in an era when making real, meaningful connections seems to be growing more difficult with each passing year.

[Mandy Wultsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The target audience for this book is introverts who need to know other people, and this book has some great tips for them. They could also apply to those who are not necessarily introverts, but could used some tips on socializing in a professional capacity (so just about every high school and college student).

The author has a very high opinion of introverts and their socializing skills, and, while reading this gave me confidence in my abilities to network and socialize, I also laughed at the thought of me being talented at socializing.

This book includes great advice on how to use LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter (as well as some other networking sites) and some great example of killer bios and posts. There is also in-person advice on how to socialize and network effectively.

Reading this book will do wonders for an introvert's self-confidence, with very good emotional encouragement, such as "you are worth it" and "keep moving".

This is a great guide for anyone who needs to talk to other humans, online or in-person. Those who are in high school and above would do well to follow the advice in this book.

[Harum IP · Rating 3 out of 5]

done!!! ya ampun gila akhirnya selesai juga. salah satu buku yg ternyata menarik (karena jujur sempet bosen di tengah-tengah wk, jd supaya ga bosen-bosen amat, aku coba baca dgn tempo yg slow & steady).

buku yg isinya ala-ala "how-an-introvert-conquer-their-work-life"; dimulai dgn pembahasan 3 elemen penting (listening-observing-be curious), trus menggunakan elemen tsb untuk membentuk kebiasaan "sesekali ngobrol ringan sm orang yg ngga deket-deket amat sm kita".

nah yg paling aku suka ada di chapter 2, salah satu subbab-nya berjudul "Blending the Personal & Professional". intinya sih medsos itu tricky utk dijadiin bahan pertimbangan nerima kandidat, tp kalau lihat medsos yg "gaada sentuhan personal"-nya jg kok kureeeng. jadi yah well, itu cukup oke sih jadi bekal buat diterapkan/dikembangkan di bagian SDM usaha si fiancé nanti.

overall, walau aku sempet lost di tengah-tengah sampe mikir "ini mah bukan cuma buat introvert ga sih?!" tapi alhamdulillah semakin menuju akhir, semakin ada lah setitik cuplikan "hey halo, ini buat introvert kok". hehehe so, it's still a helpful book for my fellow introvert-arian.

[DeLayna · Rating 2 out of 5]

This reads more like a basic beginners guide to networking than a guide for introverts. The overall concepts mentioned in the book are great. Keep loose connections and don’t be afraid to reach out when needed. But pertaining specifically to introverts beyond her repeatedly labeling herself as an introvert the guidance is “do it anyways” which isn’t super helpful if that is your specific issue when networking.

Even though this was only written 5 years ago it feels extremely dated. The how to on social media felt comical at this stage of life. When the book started telling me how to go to settings on linked in I laughed out loud. At one point she started talking about influencing and follower count that was no longer relevant with the ever changing algorithm. The entire middle of the book is somewhat useless due to this.

Overall: This would read better as a long form article and not a 200+ page book. Make connections, maintain those connections, use them when needed. You just networked, TADA!

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives me a confidence boost that all these 'human' things - all this 'collaboration' and the time spent 'communicating' and 'listening' and 'asking people about themselves' - add up. And they do. This book simply holds a candle to things you kind of already know but aren't sure if you actually know and aren't sure if they are important. It clarifies approaches to social interaction in the work world, and distills down what's important about different approaches. Basically, keep treating people well and trying to do something meaningful with your time, just maybe a bit more intentionally.

This past year I've realized just how diverse and interesting my network of connections is. Not in a slimy, empty way, but in an exciting way, containing all sorts of experiences I've had in my life. There are many things I'd like to learn about, perspectives I'd love to tap into. The possibility to do those things lies in reaching out to the people I've met over the past decades, and being thoughtful and intentional about how I do. And this book makes doing that a little bit easier.

[Stephanie Thoma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wickre has an interesting story of breaking into tech as an introvert. Many of the tactics she relays are online, with some irl applications.
- "Networking is more about farming than hunting." - Ivan Mizner
- "Nurture it before you need it."
- Center your networking strategy around what you can give. It could come back to you (or not).
- Putting yourself out there online (a little) photo galleries ft. pets, vacation spots, blogs showcasing favorite authors, tv shows, etc. donation requests for causes, retro photos with a story of yourself
- 5 FYI notes: 1. send a relevant article to someone how interviewed you for a job you didn't get 2. say hello to someone you met at a conference last year 3. share interesting news about your new co. w/ former colleague at a diff co. 4. pay attention to weak ties 5. reinforce connection you just made
- referrals are 5x more likely to lead to an offer than cold resume

[Chris Gaither · Rating 5 out of 5]

If the mere idea of business networking makes you want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head, this is a terrific book for you. I worked with Karen Wickre at Google, and she is one of the most well-connected people I know. Her new book shares her secrets to building your own network -- even if, or especially if, you're an introvert. Key to her approach are curiosity, generosity, and a devoted practice of staying in contact with your broader circle through "loose-touch habits." She offers tips for building relationships over coffee, email, and social media; managing small-talk; leveraging your network to help others; and using that same network to help yourself (with grace and gratitude). As a social introvert myself, I'll return to this book often when I need a good pep talk and plan for getting out into the world.

[S · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The important point here, in case it needs repeating, is first, that you are worth the effort, and second, just keep moving. There’s no time like the present to start making new inroads.”

Not as helpful as I would have hoped and not as convincing as it needed to be. Also, a bit too much emphasis on the importance of online connections in today’s world as well as networking for job hunting vs networking as part of everyday career growth and development. Sometimes basic and unoriginal but still a reasonable overview of the practice of networking. Still wish it had done more than just reiterate the importance of networking and how to do it...didn’t really speak to me as an introvert or succeed in convincing me that it’s really not as painful as it is...