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He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time: 40 Unmistakable Behaviors of Men Who Avoid Commitment and Play Games with Women
How to Tell if a Man Wants You for a Lifetime or Only for the Moment Men don’t really have “commitment issues.” At least, not in the way most women think men do. When a man tells you he has “commitment issues”, there’s a good chance that what he REALLY means is he’s not that interested in you and is just using you to pass time with until he meets someone "better." When a man isn’t interested in a relationship with you, his “commitment issues” are nothing more than an excuse to waste your time and reap the benefits of your decision to stay with him in order to “see where this thing goes.” It’s at this point where many women make one of the worse dating decisions possible, as they choose to remain with a half-interested man, hoping that over time they’ll be able to “lull” him into a serious commitment. The Biggest Reason Why Men Pull Away and Suddenly Lose Interest Women often wonder why men pull away and lose interest in a blossoming romance without so much as a warning. Though there could be a ton of reasons why a man might pull away, the most common reason for his loss of interest is he wasn’t THAT interested in you to begin with. In general, even though men are more than able to commit to a woman once certain conditions in their life are met, they will not directly inform you when you’re not the right girl for them or that now isn’t the right time for them to take a woman seriously. And because men are far more opportunistic when it comes to dating, a lot of guys won’t hesitate to take advantage of a dating situation that reaps high rewards (good for him) with as little effort possible (bad for you). How to Avoid Dating Men Who Will Keep You Unloved and Perpetually Unclaimed No matter which way you look at it, even though men don’t really have commitment issues, they don’t find it necessary or in their best interest to inform a woman when she’s nothing more than a beautiful distraction, a way to earn the respect of his peers, or just a target to sharpen his seduction skills so that he’ll be primed and ready when a “better” woman comes along. This is the ugly truth, but there’s hope. In this book, you’ll get an inside look at how a man thinks and interacts with a woman when he’s not that interested in her. This sort of male behavior is actually easy to spot IF you know what to look for. It’s extremely difficult for a man to waste your time and treat you like a short-term plaything without exhibiting certain unmistakable behaviors that clearly communicate that he’s trying to keep you interested…but unclaimed. Here's what you're going to learn The seductive language men use when they want to discourage you from wanting a COMMITTED relationship.How quickly learning this ONE thing about him can tell you if he’s “unequipped” to handle a serious relationship.The pattern in a man’s dating history that IMMEDIATELY reveals if he’s a commitment-phobic time waster.How to avoid being confused by men who might love you tenderly, but would NEVER make you their girlfriend.How to stop losing sleep wondering “DOES HE LIKE ME?” and get him to either take you seriously or take a hike!How observing this simple behavior reveals if he thinks you’re “TH
125 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 2, 2015
1810 people are currently reading
997 people want to read
About the author
Bruce Bryans
52 books189 followersBruce Bryans writes books for men and women who want to become both irresistible and irreplaceable romantic partners to the opposite sex. This is the focus of all of his books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
June 20, 2019
Do not pass go.
Do not waste your time on this book.
Pass it straight up for 'He's Just Not That Into You,' which is a five-star read.
Or, if you're into having an author MAN-SPLAIN to you for nearly three hours, repeating his statements twice CONSTANTLY because you must not be listening, you might actually enjoy this.
Also I don't need a dude named Bruce to tell me that a guy avoiding eye contact is a red flag.
Good grief, what a trash book. (I'm a librarian, I don't use those words lightly.)
Do not waste your time on this book.
Pass it straight up for 'He's Just Not That Into You,' which is a five-star read.
Or, if you're into having an author MAN-SPLAIN to you for nearly three hours, repeating his statements twice CONSTANTLY because you must not be listening, you might actually enjoy this.
Also I don't need a dude named Bruce to tell me that a guy avoiding eye contact is a red flag.
Good grief, what a trash book. (I'm a librarian, I don't use those words lightly.)
March 4, 2022
2.5 you can skip the book if you know this: sometimes men are not interested in you and it has nothing to do with you! But books like this suggest playing mind games and it makes the whole thing worse. Ugh.
Men treat you how you expect to be treated. Don’t fight for scraps. The more determined a man is to act with integrity with you, maintain your dignity, and cherish your offers of love, the more he values being with you.
Men treat you how you expect to be treated. Don’t fight for scraps. The more determined a man is to act with integrity with you, maintain your dignity, and cherish your offers of love, the more he values being with you.
February 20, 2020
Being in the dating world and navigating it can be pretty tricky. I wanted to have the know how in order to not deal with crappy situationships and dud dates and this book really helped. It breaks down the inner thought process behind manipulative or unknowingly indecisive guys and makes it a lot easier to recognize this behavior early on so as to not get caught up. I have an insane story that spans over a month regarding a really shady guy and this book felt like it was written for me, I really appreciated how it took a tough love approach and helped me to see that if I had wasted anymore time, I would have been played like a fiddle. PHEW. On to the next book!
June 16, 2016
Straight talk on men. This book guided me into ending a relationship and I am thankful for the wisdom it provided. Several passages were so important that I will refer back to them in future relationships.
January 29, 2023
This is really a good read, especially for the inexperienced people like me. This book shares with you certain red flags of men who cannot commit, so that you don’t have to waste your time performing trial and error. I wish I have read this book early, in my 20s. Nevertheless, it’s not too old to learn.
Some key takeaways I learnt, which are not exhaustive:
1. Having prior experience, I learnt (and am still learning) that it’s important to actively communicate your expectations of what you want to achieve out of the dating. But of course, communication is an art and you definitely would not want to come off as too aggressive. Before you do that, you must also be certain of what you want. So please do self-reflections before dating consciously, so that you do not waste each other’s time.
2. As highlighted, be clear of what you want and focus on your needs. It’s not your job to fix people, although I have a tendency of being overly helpful at the expense of my own interest. I am still learning how to take care of my own needs.
3. Believe whatever the person said, and never rationalise the person’s statements.
4. Set strong boundaries and standards. This is important, because you definitely won’t want to settle for anyone who treats you like a trash. This sounds commonsensical, but I have sadly seen cases where the women accept men who treated them like disposables.
5. Set a timeline, and know when to walk off. Each time you choose to hang on to a failing relationship, you close your door of finding a better partner.
6. Never settle down for a man who cannot give his all, and still pines for his ex.
I will definitely go back to this book from time to time.
Some key takeaways I learnt, which are not exhaustive:
1. Having prior experience, I learnt (and am still learning) that it’s important to actively communicate your expectations of what you want to achieve out of the dating. But of course, communication is an art and you definitely would not want to come off as too aggressive. Before you do that, you must also be certain of what you want. So please do self-reflections before dating consciously, so that you do not waste each other’s time.
2. As highlighted, be clear of what you want and focus on your needs. It’s not your job to fix people, although I have a tendency of being overly helpful at the expense of my own interest. I am still learning how to take care of my own needs.
3. Believe whatever the person said, and never rationalise the person’s statements.
4. Set strong boundaries and standards. This is important, because you definitely won’t want to settle for anyone who treats you like a trash. This sounds commonsensical, but I have sadly seen cases where the women accept men who treated them like disposables.
5. Set a timeline, and know when to walk off. Each time you choose to hang on to a failing relationship, you close your door of finding a better partner.
6. Never settle down for a man who cannot give his all, and still pines for his ex.
I will definitely go back to this book from time to time.
July 9, 2022
Had a lot of great points and I saw a lot of things in me that need to be addressed. Wasn’t thrilled with some of the language used, talked a lot about “winning” the woman, or talking about how women are a prize. Just felt like old sexism, which might be because it was written by a man with tips on how to avoid non serious men. I do think a lot of this book is solid and can help people who date discover when their SO isn’t as great or as interested as you would like. Most of these points in the book didn’t seem directly connected to men but an overarching theme of what to avoid while dating.
January 2, 2020
A LOT of gendering or behaviors here, which annoyed me to no end. A lot of red flag behaviors seem like common sense, but as someone who has gone through shitty relationships, it was helpful to hear it flat out.
March 7, 2018
Excellent Read
My first time reading a relationship advice book and it was sooooo helpful . I will definitely be reading more titles by this author
My first time reading a relationship advice book and it was sooooo helpful . I will definitely be reading more titles by this author
October 1, 2020
Please stop playing games with me nathanial. Now that I read this book via the audible sound waves I am impermeable towards evil men magic. (TLDR if you read this book he doesn’t like you Bethany)
August 7, 2021
I don't usually read such books but i absolutely loved this one, i needed to read these words especially these days and I'm really grateful i gave it a chance because it's one of my favourites now
January 9, 2022
Wish I had read this sooner in life. It would have opened my eyes to a lot of what I've dealt with in relationships and why.
Read
January 7, 2025"He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time: 40 Unmistakable Behaviors of Men Who Avoid Commitment and Play Games with Women" by Bruce Bryans attempts to illuminate the often confusing dynamics of modern dating, particularly as they relate to men who are reluctant to commit. While the book promises to provide insight into the behaviors of men who play games in relationships, it unfortunately falls short in delivering fresh perspectives or substantial advice.
The core premise revolves around identifying clear signs of a man’s lack of interest or commitment, which Bryans outlines in 40 specific behaviors. While some of these behaviors may resonate with readers who have experienced similar situations, much of the content feels like reiteration of common wisdom that could be easily gleaned from personal experience or casual conversation. For instance, points that remind readers to be wary of men who don’t make plans or show inconsistent communication tend to come off as mere "mainsplaining" rather than actionable advice.
Additionally, the book suffers from repetition; many behaviors listed overlap in meaning or context, which contributes to a sense of redundancy throughout the text. This repetitiveness could have been streamlined to create a more engaging and concise reading experience. Readers looking for deeper analysis or new strategies for navigating the dating landscape may find themselves disappointed, as the insights provided often feel superficial and lack depth.
Moreover, Bryans' tone can sometimes come off as condescending. Readers may feel that their experiences and intuitions are being oversimplified or dismissed, which detracts from the overall impact of the book. Instead of empowering women with useful tools to recognize and address unhealthy dating patterns, it risks leaving them feeling frustrated or misunderstood.
In summary, "He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time" by Bruce Bryans may touch upon relevant behaviors that many women will recognize, but the book does not offer much in terms of new insights or helpful strategies. Readers seeking meaningful advice on navigating dating and relationships might be better served by exploring other resources that provide a more nuanced understanding of commitment and attraction. Ultimately, while the book contains some useful reminders, its common-sense approach and repetitive content may not warrant a deep dive into its pages.
The core premise revolves around identifying clear signs of a man’s lack of interest or commitment, which Bryans outlines in 40 specific behaviors. While some of these behaviors may resonate with readers who have experienced similar situations, much of the content feels like reiteration of common wisdom that could be easily gleaned from personal experience or casual conversation. For instance, points that remind readers to be wary of men who don’t make plans or show inconsistent communication tend to come off as mere "mainsplaining" rather than actionable advice.
Additionally, the book suffers from repetition; many behaviors listed overlap in meaning or context, which contributes to a sense of redundancy throughout the text. This repetitiveness could have been streamlined to create a more engaging and concise reading experience. Readers looking for deeper analysis or new strategies for navigating the dating landscape may find themselves disappointed, as the insights provided often feel superficial and lack depth.
Moreover, Bryans' tone can sometimes come off as condescending. Readers may feel that their experiences and intuitions are being oversimplified or dismissed, which detracts from the overall impact of the book. Instead of empowering women with useful tools to recognize and address unhealthy dating patterns, it risks leaving them feeling frustrated or misunderstood.
In summary, "He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time" by Bruce Bryans may touch upon relevant behaviors that many women will recognize, but the book does not offer much in terms of new insights or helpful strategies. Readers seeking meaningful advice on navigating dating and relationships might be better served by exploring other resources that provide a more nuanced understanding of commitment and attraction. Ultimately, while the book contains some useful reminders, its common-sense approach and repetitive content may not warrant a deep dive into its pages.
December 28, 2018
I was browsing through my Kindle when I stumble upon this ebook. Got my attention since I think I'd be out on a dating scene maybe sometime next year, who knows so I thought I'd give it a shot. Finished this ebook roughly in 2 hours!! I cannot put it down! Truthfully this book is more of a common sense type but you know women are typical dictated by their emotions once they start to fall for someone and tend to lose control, and hate to admit it but, we surely can be stupid. And men do obviously know how to take advantage of that. Of course they won't tell but that's the ugly truth (to some men). Women who rated this 3-stars below must be really good catching these men time wasters and don't fall hard for them (atleast to the ones they really like and I mean it in a sarcastic way), 'cause I honestly think this is just the book every single and/or dating woman should read! Anyways, I cannot express the love for this book as I like how the author appreciate and value women. It's totally worth reading and some need our head get some good knocking.
May 27, 2020
As I said in my other reviews of Bruce Bryans's books, I absolutely loved each and every title.
I listed to 7 of his books on Audible and I believe I now have a better grasp of the dating life.
I've been in a super long relationsip that ate all my 20s and now I'm in my early 30s faced with the dating life that I never had to deal with as I started going out with my ex when I was 16.
I have a clear tendency of seeing the good in people and due to my lack of experience in dating, I sometimes tend to get overly excited about men who don't deserve it.
All Bruce Bryans's books are mind revealing and they open your eyes in a way no friend or family could.
I listed to 7 of his books on Audible and I believe I now have a better grasp of the dating life.
I've been in a super long relationsip that ate all my 20s and now I'm in my early 30s faced with the dating life that I never had to deal with as I started going out with my ex when I was 16.
I have a clear tendency of seeing the good in people and due to my lack of experience in dating, I sometimes tend to get overly excited about men who don't deserve it.
All Bruce Bryans's books are mind revealing and they open your eyes in a way no friend or family could.
May 5, 2024
I already knew all of this information, through common sense. And statements were repeated, like idiots are reading. Apparently, we are; we gave this book a shot and lost. Might be suitable for those in toxic relationships or one-sided ones. Not particularly helpful to those that already know this common sense knowledge.
February 6, 2023
Ok book it has a couple interesting things although nothing growing breaking all mentioned previously in other self help books at some time or another in a better format.
Really short, might as well read those books like think like a man act like a lady or why men Love bitches
Really short, might as well read those books like think like a man act like a lady or why men Love bitches
March 9, 2020
Lousey
Awful no info. Baby bad bad. Awful. No info . Do not buy bad bad.........awful bad yuk yuk yukyuk yuk
Awful no info. Baby bad bad. Awful. No info . Do not buy bad bad.........awful bad yuk yuk yukyuk yuk
October 7, 2022
It an okay book for creating some perspective to behavior patterns. Not extremely good nor bad…
April 16, 2024
Basically if a man breathes, hes not interested!!
August 2, 2024
No pierdan el tiempo con este libro, parece un artículo de Yahoo, seco y con datos obvios.
June 19, 2023
I read this book to get over my reader's block. It was advertised repetitively on my Instagram, so I figured I was meant to read it.
It's a pretty great book, a really good one. Not every reader would find this man's advice useful, as it may be quite obvious to some. However, if you've just started in the world of dating and romance, this is a go-to. The writer's advice is clear enough for the reader to understand, yet sensitive enough to not make you feel attacked or diminished.
This book is most likely a "list" of boundaries a woman must keep in mind in order to filter out any jackass or man-child when dating. The author explains them quite briefly, which is nice if you don't like Robert Green's all-out paragraphs. It includes very few tints of sexism: as long as you don't take them radically, you get his point.
I can rescue four statements out of this book:
1. "If a man disrespects you, he doesn't care about earning your respect; therefore, he is just conveniently passing time with a beautiful distraction"
2. "Never rationalise a man's inconsiderate behaviour, specially if he hasn't proven himself as reliable"
3. " A man might feel attracted to you and desire you; that doesn't mean he is interested in you or in commitment"
4. "A guy who doesn't want to go out with you might still be very affectionate, caring, charming and thoughtful. That doesn't mean the relationship is progressing, although it may feel like it has momentum"
It's a pretty great book, a really good one. Not every reader would find this man's advice useful, as it may be quite obvious to some. However, if you've just started in the world of dating and romance, this is a go-to. The writer's advice is clear enough for the reader to understand, yet sensitive enough to not make you feel attacked or diminished.
This book is most likely a "list" of boundaries a woman must keep in mind in order to filter out any jackass or man-child when dating. The author explains them quite briefly, which is nice if you don't like Robert Green's all-out paragraphs. It includes very few tints of sexism: as long as you don't take them radically, you get his point.
I can rescue four statements out of this book:
1. "If a man disrespects you, he doesn't care about earning your respect; therefore, he is just conveniently passing time with a beautiful distraction"
2. "Never rationalise a man's inconsiderate behaviour, specially if he hasn't proven himself as reliable"
3. " A man might feel attracted to you and desire you; that doesn't mean he is interested in you or in commitment"
4. "A guy who doesn't want to go out with you might still be very affectionate, caring, charming and thoughtful. That doesn't mean the relationship is progressing, although it may feel like it has momentum"
June 23, 2023
men dont have commitment issues
(If he says that, hes not interested & passing time- this cant be changed OR there's a high price to his loyalty and he's not convinced he can commit to you which can be influenced with time)
How to know:
Hasn’t introduced you to family/friends
If after going on a couple of dates, doesnt communicate with you often
Has clear intentions
Wont disappear for a few days at a time = doesnt consider you a prize = no respect for you or has other options
Does what he says
Shows you off
Pay attention to how he treats you & responds to your offers of love & loyalty
Plans with you in mind
If he is fully aware of certain things but complains about them later, hes looking for an exit
Doesnt Intimidate to leave
Fboys- ‘i don’t believe in titles’
Doesn’t play hot & cold
Doesnt demand or control you
Doesnt ignore you in social settings,
Doesnt get annoyed when you leave behind things at his place
Doesnt mock you as jokes in front of others
Dont be his savior, dont 'fix' him
Doesnt make plans last minute, not agraid of commitment
Doing things that make you happy even if he hates it, & everyday things, not just fun things
Dont fall for good honest intentions/ sincerity, only look at integrity and actions
2 first months - be sincere affectionate loving warm, then DTR - do not waste time, but be sure to express desire for relationship in the beginning
Have boundaries and dont be shy
(If he says that, hes not interested & passing time- this cant be changed OR there's a high price to his loyalty and he's not convinced he can commit to you which can be influenced with time)
How to know:
Hasn’t introduced you to family/friends
If after going on a couple of dates, doesnt communicate with you often
Has clear intentions
Wont disappear for a few days at a time = doesnt consider you a prize = no respect for you or has other options
Does what he says
Shows you off
Pay attention to how he treats you & responds to your offers of love & loyalty
Plans with you in mind
If he is fully aware of certain things but complains about them later, hes looking for an exit
Doesnt Intimidate to leave
Fboys- ‘i don’t believe in titles’
Doesn’t play hot & cold
Doesnt demand or control you
Doesnt ignore you in social settings,
Doesnt get annoyed when you leave behind things at his place
Doesnt mock you as jokes in front of others
Dont be his savior, dont 'fix' him
Doesnt make plans last minute, not agraid of commitment
Doing things that make you happy even if he hates it, & everyday things, not just fun things
Dont fall for good honest intentions/ sincerity, only look at integrity and actions
2 first months - be sincere affectionate loving warm, then DTR - do not waste time, but be sure to express desire for relationship in the beginning
Have boundaries and dont be shy
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 15, 2019
I bought this book because, as a counselor, I work with a lot of women who have experienced mistreatment by the men in their life and need a bit of "tough love" at times to start undoing the behaviours that encourage or at least don't DIScourage the men in their lives from treating them as less than their worth.
This book wasn't "bad" - it is honest, offers sound advice, and the unmistakable behaviours are obvious - but the problem I had with it is that it was scattered with links to self-promote other works and there wasn't anything "new" for me.
So, consider this: I'm already partnered for life, so I'm not the target audience here. And two, I've invested quite a bit of time attempting to find new ways to help my clients change their habits and beliefs about low quality men.
If you are just starting out with trying to figure out the whole relationship puzzle and how to spot the "wrong" man and haven't read too much into the material out there, this will be very helpful. If you have already read several books about how to identify signs that a man isn't interested, then I really doubt you'll learn anything new from this book.
This book wasn't "bad" - it is honest, offers sound advice, and the unmistakable behaviours are obvious - but the problem I had with it is that it was scattered with links to self-promote other works and there wasn't anything "new" for me.
So, consider this: I'm already partnered for life, so I'm not the target audience here. And two, I've invested quite a bit of time attempting to find new ways to help my clients change their habits and beliefs about low quality men.
If you are just starting out with trying to figure out the whole relationship puzzle and how to spot the "wrong" man and haven't read too much into the material out there, this will be very helpful. If you have already read several books about how to identify signs that a man isn't interested, then I really doubt you'll learn anything new from this book.
January 7, 2019
Some Valid Points
A lot of common sense stuff but also some other items that were explained further as to why some guys behave the way they do. I found this helpful as I was frustrated how my recent ex couldn’t see his own behaviors (had about 10 off the list) so I was reassured of my intuition after reading this book. I was like WOW OMG that is him to the T....really confirmed what I was thinking.
It’s hard to generalize the whole population but I think the author did a fair job in trying to explain the type of guys/girls he was writing about.
A lot of common sense stuff but also some other items that were explained further as to why some guys behave the way they do. I found this helpful as I was frustrated how my recent ex couldn’t see his own behaviors (had about 10 off the list) so I was reassured of my intuition after reading this book. I was like WOW OMG that is him to the T....really confirmed what I was thinking.
It’s hard to generalize the whole population but I think the author did a fair job in trying to explain the type of guys/girls he was writing about.
January 3, 2020
Excellent read
I started reading this book out of curiosity and to kick start my reading for the new year. However, i realized how sound his writing is, i can relate and identify with so much of what is written. This is a good read even for those in a stable relationship. I found it to bring clarity and explained a lot of behaviors that I’ve seen in previous relationships. Awesome!
I started reading this book out of curiosity and to kick start my reading for the new year. However, i realized how sound his writing is, i can relate and identify with so much of what is written. This is a good read even for those in a stable relationship. I found it to bring clarity and explained a lot of behaviors that I’ve seen in previous relationships. Awesome!
April 5, 2018
Great read, will read again!
I am at the end of a divorce and am back in the dating game. It's helpful to have a reputable source for male advice. I've encountered many of these men already... and now I've been warned of the rest. I'm hopeful to find a high-value man as I commit to behaving as a high-value woman.
I am at the end of a divorce and am back in the dating game. It's helpful to have a reputable source for male advice. I've encountered many of these men already... and now I've been warned of the rest. I'm hopeful to find a high-value man as I commit to behaving as a high-value woman.
August 27, 2018
Great and concise read
Bruce Bryans breaks it down in an easy to understand step by step format. This book should help anyone interested in better long term relationships that matter. There is something for everyone here and you can examine past mistakes to be a better you going forward with dignity.
Bruce Bryans breaks it down in an easy to understand step by step format. This book should help anyone interested in better long term relationships that matter. There is something for everyone here and you can examine past mistakes to be a better you going forward with dignity.
December 16, 2019
This book was downloaded to my Kindle accidentally.
The author is a straight shooter.
His tips are spot on.
The chapters tell what to look for and how not to waste time on men unworthy of your love.
I believe women searching for genuine men could benefit from the information within this book.
The author is a straight shooter.
His tips are spot on.
The chapters tell what to look for and how not to waste time on men unworthy of your love.
I believe women searching for genuine men could benefit from the information within this book.
December 8, 2021
Great points
Every point made was definitely something to consider. There was only one I was skeptical about which is “Bringing you around family and friends”. Tons of men will introduce you to their friends and families and you can be the third girl of the week. Other than that I will keep these book for reference while I date.
Every point made was definitely something to consider. There was only one I was skeptical about which is “Bringing you around family and friends”. Tons of men will introduce you to their friends and families and you can be the third girl of the week. Other than that I will keep these book for reference while I date.
June 5, 2017
Great Read
This book is for any woman who needs a little push to understand things about men. I enjoyed it and it made me look at things men do in a different light so I will be doing things differently in the future.
This book is for any woman who needs a little push to understand things about men. I enjoyed it and it made me look at things men do in a different light so I will be doing things differently in the future.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews