Validation: The New Psychology of Influence

by Caroline Fleck

" this book will make you a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend..." —Adam Grant, NYT bestselling author 

"As an engineer, I appreciate when complex human dynamics can be broken down into practical, actionable steps. Dr. Fleck has done exactly that with validation—a skill that, when mastered, becomes nothing short of a superpower..." —Mark Rober, founder of CrunchLabs

"Dr. Caroline Fleck reminds us that being present, listening, suspending judgment, and really hearing someone is the greatest gift we can give or receive. There is such magic in validation, and Dr. Fleck shines a light on something that can enliven our sense of possibility and self." —Dr. Ramani Durvasula, NYT bestselling author
 
"Validation is a vital skill for fostering real connections and inner resilience. For the first time, we have a clear and practical self-help guide for bringing this often underdeveloped skill into your everyday life... Highly recommended."—Steven C. Hayes, originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
 
Unlock the secret to true and lasting change.

We all spend a lot of energy trying to get people to listen to us, and despite our best efforts, we often fail. But what if the secret to influencing others was to demonstrate acceptance?

Enter validation — communication that one accepts and sees the validity in another person's experience.  Research on validation shows that it has profound effects, from improving relationships and de-escalating conflicts to increasing one's influence and self-compassion. In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck explores how validation's unique ability to demonstrate acceptance while fostering change makes it one of psychotherapy's best-kept secrets. More importantly, she takes us step-by-step through eight skills we can use to communicate validation and experience its power firsthand.

Full of captivating stories, laugh-out-loud moments, and actionable takeaways, Validation reveals how the science of seeing and being seen is the key to inner and interpersonal transformation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Communication, Personal Development, Relationships, Business

274 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 1, 2025

About the author

Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and an Adjunct Clinical Instructor at Stanford University. She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets, including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Caroline is a world renowned expert in validation. Her new book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life (Penguin Random House, 2025) has been translated in nine different languages.

Caroline’s therapy practice specializes in evidence-based treatments for adults, adolescents, and couples, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), and Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Her corporate work focuses on creating high-performing individuals and teams using the proven methods of behavioral science. Caroline graduated from the University of Michigan (BA) and Duke University (MA, PhD).

Reviews

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ideas from the book:
✦ Validating someone's feelings does not mean agreeing with them, but rather acknowledging their emotions as valid and real.
✦ Validating others strengthens communication and builds trust in relationships.
✦ Validation requires open-mindedness and a willingness to see things from another person's perspective.

[Mat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shares key skills for improving relationships with and getting what you need from everyone in your life. The author, a practicing clinical psychologist, shares the trainings clinicians receive in order to help patients in crisis (meaning this stuff WORKS in even the toughest cases)

This author's style is immensely readable- the book is filled with fascinating studies and memorable storytelling that evokes Malcom Gladwell in her ability to share academic study learnings with everyday language. Amazing stories about patients, deeply personal moments, and many pop culture references - super readable and funny throughout.

Check it out!

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such much to think about between these pages.

[Milagro E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book!
Dr. Fleck has a wonderful way of connecting with her readers through humor and personal experiences which makes this book an easy, fun read yet so profoundly impactful. I found myself laughing out loud and learning vital communication skills at the same time!
I love that Dr. Fleck's practical steps are easy to put into practice right away and immediately rewarding. It's research backed and it works! Using these skills opens a level of connection that is otherwise difficult to achieve. Very fulfilling. You'll see what I mean when you read it!
It has truly transformed the way I communicate, enriching every relationship I have.
Keeping it on my coffee table to refer to often.
Highly recommend! Everyone should own a copy!

[Sascha Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's instructive and funny. I learned a lot. Fleck has written a great book on validation. My main takeaway is that people with high sensitivity should be naturally good at validation but it seems my work on mastering the skills is valid. Two components which I did not find as clearly explained as Fleck does are negative reinforcement and emoting. The best part of this book is that Fleck is non-stop witty. While it's a serious topic and addresses serious topics, there's a least on funny line on every page. I had to laugh hard at: "What. The. Hell. Mind. Explain your reasoning."

[Emily Sablatura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed out loud a few times and learned quite a bit. I especially found her chapter on self validation helpful and I loved how she walks us through her whole thought process. The author is very vulnerable in this book and I found it to be incredibly helpful. This is one I'll be reading again.

[Keelin Rita]

Well this is awkward... Last night I received an email through my blog (which I do not have listed on goodreads and have not updated in a year) from the author's husband. He wrote a lengthy defense of her, one that I'm curious if she knows about. I understand the desire to defend your wife, I think everyone can, but it's not appropriate. When someone publishes a book, they are opening themselves up to critique of the content of their book and their person. And here on goodreads, a site for reviewers, we leave our critiques for other readers to use how they wish. I invite Mr. Fleck to radically accept that people will have opinions that may be unfavorable towards his wife as a consequence of her putting herself out there. I'm intrigued as to why he chose to go to such lengths to find a way to privately email me about this. Perhaps there is some awareness that this is not an acceptable thing to do and violates the agreement that exists between reviewers and authors where authors don't interact with reviews. I do not wish to engage him in conversation nor anyone else close to the author. This is simply to alert other readers that this happened.

Original review:

Where to begin with this book? My feelings are complicated. On the one hand, I think what Fleck lays out is actually pretty legit. I think the 8 levels of the three phases make sense, are based in science, and are effective. I know this from my own personal knowledge of DBT, but also because Fleck refers to many different studies that support what she's saying. And on that note, there was one moment (on page 26) where Fleck mentions that she's someone who needs data, research, the science behind something in order to believe in it. "I always find it disappointing, and suspicious, when people tout the remarkable effects of their approach without providing any data to substantiate their claims." Yes girl, me too. Reading that was, in a word, validating. I wasn't expecting a book on validation to validate me about my need for statistics and data in order to, as she puts it, assuage my doubts, but it was very nice that it did.

As far as the 8 levels of validation that are laid out, none of them are really groundbreaking. She takes a lot from DBT so if you're familiar with it, I don't think any of this is going to be wholly new. They are Mindfulness skills (Attend and Copy), Understanding skills (Contextualize, Equalize, and Propose), and Empathy skills (Take Action, Emote, and Disclose). The book talks about how to validate others with one chapter at the end on how to validate yourself. I'm glad she included a chapter on self-validation because I feel like this would be incomplete without it.

That said, I have mixed feelings on Fleck as a person. Some of the things she used as an example were very pro military, and there is one "trick" she has that she calls the "golden snitch" which... is obviously not great, and there were times when she was talking about her experiences with mental health challenges and her physical health that just had me squinting my eyes. I'm suspicious but not outright against her because she does say some affirmative, progressive things, but there are too many weird things for me to not address it. I wouldn't deter people from reading this because of those things, but I felt it was important to point it out. Plus I think harry potter jump scares are worth noting.

[Sarah Jensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Review: Validation: The New Psychology of Influence by Caroline Fleck

Introduction
Caroline Fleck’s Validation: The New Psychology of Influence offers a compelling reexamination of persuasion, social dynamics, and human motivation through the lens of validation—a fundamental yet often overlooked psychological need. Moving beyond traditional models of influence, such as compliance tactics or cognitive biases, Fleck argues that the desire for validation shapes decision-making, relationships, and societal trends more profoundly than previously acknowledged. Blending psychological theory, behavioral research, and practical applications, the book presents a fresh framework for understanding how validation operates in personal, professional, and cultural contexts.

Themes and Analysis

The Core Argument: Validation as a Driver of Behavior
Fleck posits that validation—feeling seen, heard, and affirmed—is a primary motivator behind human actions, often surpassing even rational self-interest. She dismantles the assumption that people are purely logical actors, demonstrating how emotional and social validation can override objective reasoning. This perspective challenges classical influence models (e.g., authority, reciprocity) by emphasizing the subconscious pull of belonging and acceptance.

The Validation Spectrum
The book introduces a continuum of validation, ranging from overt praise to subtle social cues. Fleck explores how different forms of validation—such as mirroring, acknowledgment, and affirmation—affect self-esteem, conformity, and resistance. Particularly insightful is her analysis of “negative validation,” where individuals seek attention through contrarianism or outrage, reinforcing identity through opposition rather than agreement.

Applications in Marketing, Leadership, and Social Movements
Fleck extends her theory to real-world domains, illustrating how brands leverage validation in advertising (e.g., personalized messaging, social proof), how leaders foster loyalty through empathetic recognition, and how movements gain traction by validating shared grievances. Case studies from politics, consumer behavior, and organizational psychology ground her claims in observable phenomena.

Critique of Modern Validation-Seeking
A provocative thread throughout the book is the examination of digital culture’s impact on validation-seeking. Fleck argues that social media platforms exploit this need through likes, shares, and algorithmic reinforcement, creating cycles of dependency and performative identity. She warns of the psychological costs—such as anxiety and diminished authenticity—when external validation becomes a primary source of self-worth.

Critique
While Fleck’s thesis is innovative, some arguments would benefit from deeper engagement with counterpoints. For instance, her focus on validation occasionally downplays other motivators (e.g., survival instincts, curiosity). The book’s structure, though accessible, occasionally meanders between theoretical exposition and anecdotal examples, which may frustrate readers seeking a strictly academic tone. Additionally, the “how-to” sections on applying validation strategies, while practical, risk oversimplifying complex social dynamics.

Conclusion
Validation: The New Psychology of Influence is a thought-provoking contribution to social psychology and behavioral science. Fleck’s synthesis of research and relatable examples makes the book accessible to scholars and general readers alike. By centering validation as a key to influence, she offers a nuanced alternative to manipulative persuasion tactics, advocating instead for empathy and ethical engagement.

Final Thoughts & Rating
Fleck’s work is timely in an era of polarized discourse and curated online identities, providing a lens to understand everything from viral trends to workplace morale. While not without minor flaws, its core insights are transformative for anyone studying or practicing influence—whether in marketing, therapy, leadership, or personal relationships.

Rating: 4.4/5

Originality & Concept: 5/5 – A groundbreaking take on influence.
Theoretical Rigor: 4/5 – Strong but could engage more dissent.
Practical Relevance: 4.5/5 – Applicable across disciplines.
Readability: 4/5 – Engaging though occasionally digressive.
Depth of Research: 4.5/5 – Well-supported but leans on select examples.
Recommendation: Essential for psychologists, marketers, and leaders, as well as readers interested in the intersection of culture and cognition. Its insights into digital-age behavior make it particularly valuable for navigating contemporary social landscapes.

[Christian · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s fine. It’s a lot more self-help oriented than I expected. So if you like that type of book (guidelines, how-tos), then you’ll like this book. For me I’ve historically retained these types of books pretty poorly. I also personally didn’t find much of this interesting to me personally. It’s possible that’s because I’ve basically had to relate to people for my job for the past decade and subsequently had a ton of training and experience. So in that way I can offer that I can vouch for everything she says in this book.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very powerful, some great research based insights and tools. Kudos to her for her honesty and sharing her story.

[Ashley Rieple · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ rounded up. Some good info and a lot of common sense. Some chapters were a lot more useful than others. I enjoyed the work section and the relationship section.

[Mary E · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the author’s narrative style to be engaging and believable with an amount of humor that kept me reading for both learning and enjoyment. While she’s obviously skilled and successful in her work with others she also shows grace and humility by acknowledging that we might have also found an effective way through experience. I personally found the self validation chapter most instructive. No spoiler but by the end of the book I felt her courage was off the charts.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you work with the public in any way, shape or form, this book is worth reading. Fleck has simply broken down a simple word into several do-able steps in which to make you a better listener, helper and generally a better version of yourself. Her writing is very humble and reads as if she's talking to you as a friend. Fleck infuses a lot of humor and wit into her writing so I will say this was the most enjoyable psychology book I've ever read. When you do pick up this book, READ THE FOOTNOTES!

[Tessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s probably recency bias talking but this self-help book is just more helpful than anything else I’ve read in the genre.

Now, my biggest pain point in self-help is how everything has to be broken down into steps, acronyms, sub-steps, trendy catchy little names for everything, and then homework at the end of each chapter like it’s a freaking text book, and this book does those things. I see the necessity, but I don’t like it because I will not remember the vocabulary for something five minutes after reading it, I will not remember what order you’re supposed to do the steps, I will not remember the complicated math of “always do X when Y happens except if Z is present”; all it does is confuse me and make everything seem harder.

I also have to say, one strength of the book is its brevity; it cuts to the chase with very little filler. However, that strength is also a weakness as in some cases I really needed more examples of how a skill works, more details on when to use each skill, more exceptions to the rule, just more. It’s nice that it’s short but it also goes by quickly, leaving me with unanswered questions.

But overall, I’m very impressed by the book and moreover, I feel like I have a new superpower now: the power of validation. Sounds cheesy, feels true. I think I have decent emotional intelligence, but certain blind spots always left me a little confused. There are times when I’ve tried to be there for a friend, yet felt like something I said or did just made things worse, or I didn’t know what to say at all. There have also been times where I have gone to others looking for something and left feeling more lonely and hurt than before. I couldn’t name it before, but the secret sauce that was missing in those scenarios was validation. Memories from childhood to the present and everything in between popped into my head while reading this book, and like a laser pointer, the book pointed at all these memories and said: “there! You felt so good because of validation… you felt isolated because of invalidation. You felt connected to another person, a moment of ‘clicking’ with them, because you validated them… you felt awkward or iced out, because you invalidated them.”

It’s like this book is a magic revealer pen for all of life’s invisible ink. All of a sudden, validation and invalidation are all I see: in microtransactions with strangers, in longstanding patterns of behavior with loved ones, in my relationship with my own spouse and children. I think the book works so well because the author uses Disclosure, a high-level validation skill by her own metric, so effectively. She shares examples from her family, friends, and therapy clients, and she shares her experiences with depression, MS, and breast cancer, effectively blending memoir with self-help. That, and unlike MANY books in the genre, I never felt like, “this book could have been an email, and that email could have been a one-slide infographic on Instagram, and that infographic could have just been a single bolded all-caps word.” Every single part of the book had purpose and intention.

I only just finished the book and will have to see how I feel as time passes, my memory fades, and as really challenging scenarios come up that test my validation skills. I will say that as soon as I started reading the book, it made me more attentive to my friends and family, and much more intentional about validating them. Bland, unhelpful platitudes like “always be kind” “be a good listener” always left me frustrated and feeling like something was missing. This book filled in the gaps, and I’m starting to understand the nuance and the method that goes into listening, empathizing, and validating.

[Kate Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Caroline is one of my kind of people. I feel like part of my tribe.

[Charles Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

78%

Oh, girl, MS, and Having for mastectomy. That means you had breast cancer. That's Oh terrible, I'll be. It wasn't something more like, yeah, your breast cancer, but you also had all of this other cancer like, yuck, because that is not uncommon. I appreciate hearing about the social sciences psychology. I use psychology and social sciences constantly. It's an important, very important part of my above my work, validating others Making sure that they are included not feeling Like they're being set out. Testing from any specific behaviors, Our thoughts. It's, like, well, You know, It's just really. I'm extremely valuable skill, Especially if you're working with, uh, Customers, or Or other people, Because by validating them, you actually raise yourself In their eyes as well. You raise your own position, So it's not just And I'll shoustic thing necessarily, but you also get to get kind of back on social points really. So, If it's not enough for you To validate person, just because their person and they exist, You know, there's a whole social play aspect to this, which I always say, you know, there's I have a certain cutoff for how cheap I will sell anything. And at that point, I will just give it away Because they just went way more To for me to just get Point social. The social points, Same thing where I intentionally invite negative feedback and criticism. But regardless, Uh, so you don't need to validate actions by validating the person their emotional state, Absolutely. Because they are human, And you can develop them just for being human. You don't need to have love every part of them. You don't need to love them all the time, even Maybe with their own children. Like, see if your child is hitting you. Do you need to love them? I absolutely not, not a that moment. This whole idea of Loving someone Unconditionally. That's toxic. It's genetic, but it's extremely toxic and excuse for abuse unfortunately. So, uh, yeah. I really enjoyed learning about her life as well, who served as a mixed modem Of This social science And psychology of validating others. How to do so? Thought processes behind it, and an autobiography of her own life as well, which I enjoyed learning about her.

[Catherine Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very engaging book. Ultimately, spending some effort on how to be a better human being has its own rewards aside from generally improving our relationships. I enjoyed this book.

[Dave Bagley · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. So many good things to learn and remember about validation. Really enjoyed this book. Found new insights around a topic I’ve been learning about a bit already and trying to find ways to implement the topics of the book into my day to day at work and home

[Mark Moloney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read, filled with little tidbits and nuggets of wisdom:

- Only validate the valid
- communicate validation only to the extent you can do so authentically
- validation is not agreement
- validation does not equal praise or approval
- validation does not equal problem solving

Wanna help someone become more assertive?
Accept them.

1. There is a dance between acceptance and change
Principles of behaviourism is one piece of this puzzle; validation skills are another
(Validity of your own struggle and also the utility of it

Validation of others affects one’s own health and vitality )

2. We are judgmental by nature; your judgments won’t go away, but with practice, you can get better at noticing them and reframing them

Challenging instinct with intention is how character is formed
3. It’s possible to both embrace and resist suffering - with a tenacious spirit to fight against it and an eye toward the awareness, understanding, empathy and acceptance it inspires, suffering can be channeled into meaning.

When validating
Focus on showing the other person that you’re there , you get it and you care

Too much shame drives people to violence
Enough understanding brings them to change

2 mistakes for emoting
1 diminishing someone’s experience
2 Invalidating strongly held beliefs

Shame is contracted through social interaction and is also healed by it

Behind the puffed up fur of anger, ask yourself:
What are they afraid of?
Or
How are they feeling threatened?

Conflict can be damaging but if you can keep the ratio of validating to invalidating to 5:1, you’re in good shape

[Julie Simons · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this 4 stars mainly because I adored the author; she is so smart & funny & likable & clearly determined to get this book out there despite her medical issues. So I want to validate her efforts! And taking on a topic as big & broad as validation is a huge undertaking. I think she did a good job tackling it but it was a lot to pack in & with the subject being so nuanced I think it would take a college course to be able to integrate this information in a meaningful way.

[Natalie Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good solid information and how to put it into use for more effective communication and connection.

[Racer_rajesh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Book, This mostly about how to engage with people. Understanding and striking a chord to have great conversations. I truely appreciate the author for delivering this, understanding the limitation that she had. Must read for parents, managers and adults (who are having rough relationships)

[Leonardo Longo · Rating 5 out of 5]

O que mais chamou minha atenção no livro da psicóloga Caroline Fleck é que ao invés de focar em como convencer e influenciar, a autora apresenta a importância da validação.

A ideia central é que a verdadeira influência não vem da argumentação, mas da capacidade de fazer os outros se sentirem vistos e compreendidos. Este livro é um manual sobre o "sistema operacional" das conexões humanas e a autora transformando a “validação” de um conceito abstrato em um conjunto de oito habilidades práticas e acionáveis.

O framework de Fleck nos guia por um caminho dividido em três etapas. Tudo começa com as habilidades de atenção plena (famoso “mindfulness”), onde aprendemos a dedicar nossa atenção completa e sem julgamentos e a espelhar a linguagem do outro para construir rapport. Em seguida, avançamos para as habilidades de compreensão, buscando ativamente o contexto por trás dos sentimentos da pessoa, normalizando sua reação e até oferecendo hipóteses sobre o que ela pode estar sentindo. Por fim, as habilidades de empatia, que se manifestam em ações concretas para ajudar, na expressão de emoções alinhadas às do outro e no compartilhamento de experiências pessoais para criar uma conexão mais profunda e genuína.

[Andres Felipe Contreras Buitrago · Rating 4 out of 5]

La validación tiene un efecto en las relaciones sociales, puesto que aumenta la intimidad y confianza con alguien, evita los conflictos en las discusiones, ayuda a tener mejor comprensión e impulsa cambios en las personas. Los primeros hallazgos sobre cómo influir en las personas serio con el conductismo por medio del refuerzo positivo, la aceptación es una forma de cambio desde la terapia dialéctica conductual, la aceptación es pues, reconocer la realidad de una situación sin juzgarla o intentar cambiarla. La validación se define como demostrar que uno está presente, entiende a la persona y le importa. Las recompensas verbales como validar y retroalimentar son valiosas lo fundamental para el autor es no fingir la validación, muchas personas sufren de invalidación.
Cuando se valida hay que mirar si se debe resolver un problema, la variación también es una forma de atención plena centrada hacia otra persona, hay que tener cuidado cuando creemos estar convencidos de que entendemos algo, debemos ignorar lo que está mal en la perspectiva de las personas y validarlo, por ello es importante la empatía, puesto que conectamos con las emociones de la otra persona demostrando cariño. Hay que validar lo que es válido, para ello es importante tener en cuenta el comportamiento de la otra persona y los objetivos deseados de la misma, las emociones a su vez en su mayoría son válidas, algo fundamental es que no hay que cambiar para obtener la validación siempre hay que validar las personas tal cual como son, en pocas palabras, hay que aliviar sin juzgar, comprendiendo, enfatizando y aceptando.
Desde la dialéctica, la validación es fundamental a las aceptar la perspectiva de una ambos, permitiendo la coexistencia de opuestos, en el sentido de que los seres humanos somos buenos y malos, fuertes y débiles, desde la dialéctica que descubrir lo razonable y válido en las personas, hay que aprender en este capítulo no ser tan críticos con las personas, con todo lo anterior se pasa a la segunda parte en el que hay 3 conjuntos de habilidades para validar las cuáles son las habilidades de atención plena, empatía y comprensión en el medio. Para ello es importante la repetición para fomentar el aprendizaje y podemos aprender viendo de los demás.
De estos 3 conjuntos de habilidades se desglosan 8, el primero es asistir, en el que se debe prestar atención, mantener contacto visual, acercarnos siempre que podamos y a sentir, escuchar no solo es guardar silencio, sino que debemos concentrarnos en lo que dice la otra persona por lo que se requiere un compromiso al escuchar, también hay quien marcar el punto de vista de la otra persona y preguntar sobre la experiencia de la otra persona, por lo que es importante no forzar las preguntas, siempre hay que plantear estas desde el interés y la curiosidad.
La segunda habilidad es copiar lo cual consta de imitar o reflejar el comportamiento de una persona, se puede repetir adjetivos y descripciones exactas, resumir o repetir puntos que dijo la otra persona, copiar es bueno cuando se entra en conflicto con otra persona, pero hay que tener cuidado con copiar aspectos como la tristeza y la ira.
La tercera habilidad es contextualizar, para ello es importante determinar las cadenas de causa que llevaron a una persona a actuar, por eso es fundamental comprender, entender el pasado de la persona, informarnos y no hablar desde la desinformación.
La cuarta habilidad es igualar, la cual consta que ponerse en el lugar del otro hay que igualar y validar la singularidad de la situación, por lo que no hay dos situaciones iguales.
La quinta debilidad es proponer, qué se basa en leer la mente de la otra persona, por eso es bueno usar frases como tal vez, me pregunto si o me parece. Por lo que éste pronto se basa en proponer sugerencias o preguntar.
La sexta habilidad es actuar, el actuar significa intervenir en nombre de otra persona para resolver algo, la cuestión es cuándo actuar y para ello la autora menciona 3 preguntas que debemos hacernos, la primera es si la persona tiene los recursos necesarios para una acción, la segunda si ellos pueden aprender por sí mismo esas habilidades y por último si entra en conflicto esa acción con nuestros valores. Hay que saber muy bien cuando actuar cuando una persona no nos dio nuestra ayuda muchas veces nuestro accionar empeora la situación, por eso hay que preguntarse antes de actuar y que nuestra acción no genere conflicto, También podemos ayudar interviniendo haciendo cosas como leer un correo electrónico o escuchando algo que nos mandó otra persona.
La séptima habilidad es emocionar, lo cual significa mostrar nuestros sentimientos,expresar cómo nos sentimos cuando hablamos con otra persona o también los pensamientos que expresan una moción, muchas veces hay que mantener la calma y no usar emociones tan intensas, o a veces llegamos a expresar una emoción que no es la adecuada con la otra persona.
La última habilidad es revelar, donde es importante no minimizar lo que siente otra persona, no cruzando límites y jamás perdiendo el enfoque hacia la otra persona, tal vez esta es la habilidad que más cuesta entender.
La tercera parte se basa en usar la validación en la crianza de niños algo fundamental para los padres, en el ámbito de las parejas destacó el no castigar las pequeñas mejoras que hace nuestro cónyuge, jamás debemos anular los sentimientos de otra persona, debemos evitar expectativas poco realistas, por ello se reiteran no minimizar los esfuerzos que hace nuestra pareja, otra forma de validación lo hace la autora desde el ámbito laboral en una mirada de los jefes.
Respecto a la valoración de nosotros mismos generalmente somos muy severos y autocríticos con nosotros, juzgamos o trivializamos nuestras emociones por lo que no hay que castigarnos muchas veces a nosotros mismos, como se había abordado anteriormente hay que entender el contexto que ha llevado al sentir esa emoción que nosotros tenemos, tenemos un epílogo en el que la autora de manera desgarradora menciona que tiene cáncer, algo triste, teniendo al final un apéndice para entender mejor la escalera de la validación y con unas muy buenas referencias bibliográficas lo cual hace que el libro tenga mayor validez.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is a worthwhile read for anyone who is trying to improve their relationships. With friends, family, coworkers, anyone.. as someone who does thinks they don’t do much validation of others, it certainly gives a lot to think about and some direction on actions to take. The one challenge I had was that much of the action was advice to try things for a period of time, and I found myself wanting to follow her directions but also not wanting to practice something for a week without progressing through the book. I ended up finished the book and will circle back to try and implement some of the skills on a different time frame.

[Pook · Rating 5 out of 5]

You could say I have low EQ but this is probably the first non-fiction book with advice that I've tried that actually seems to work/be helpful. The book could use more examples of stock phrases I can use but overall it has helped me to be more validating and express support to my partner.

I didn't finish the whole book but 5 stars for the impact it has on my life.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s great! The importance of validation. How to validate others - family, workplace, friends, etc. How to validate yourself (self compassion). It was so good! And applicable. I listened to the audiobook but own the paperbook too so will review and learn and get better at validation!
Highly recommend!

[Andria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook.
This was honest, insightful and might be really helpful for people that have no idea where to start if they want to improve on their EQ.
I found this book while scrolling through the list of audiobooks on libby and I’m glad I found it! A few tips I was already using but didn’t know it was a thing/had a proper term, so it was cool to learn all this in the psychology aspect.

[Nicholas Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly helpful and vulnerable read

I saw Caroline’s interview on Lewis Howes and was immediately interested in a topic I was admittedly lacking in. This book is an incredible guide to understanding validation and acceptance of yourself and others. Thank you Caroline for this beautiful work and having the courage and vulnerability to share with us

[CreativelyRed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, engaging and useful exploration on validation and its many approaches. She highlights why it's useful to validate and what it can mean for ourselves and others. Good guiding points and scaffolding. And what a store she shares about herself too.