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Not My Daughter
A pregnancy pact between three teenaged girls puts their mothers' love to the ultimate test in this explosive new novel from Barbara Delinsky, “a first-rate storyteller who creates characters as familiar as your neighbors.” (Boston Globe)
When Susan Tate's seventeen-year-old daughter, Lily, announces she is pregnant, Susan is stunned. A single mother, she has struggled to do everything right. She sees the pregnancy as an unimaginable tragedy for both Lily and herself.
Then comes word of two more pregnancies among high school juniors who happen to be Lily's best friends-and the town turns to talk of a pact. As fingers start pointing, the most ardent criticism is directed at Susan. As principal of the high school, she has always been held up as a role model of hard work and core values. Now her detractors accuse her of being a lax mother, perhaps not worthy of the job of shepherding impressionable students. As Susan struggles with the implications of her daughter's pregnancy, her job, financial independence, and long-fought-for dreams are all at risk.
The emotional ties between mothers and daughters are stretched to breaking in this emotionally wrenching story of love and forgiveness. Once again, Barbara Delinsky has given us a powerful novel, one that asks a central question: What does it take to be a good mother?
From the Hardcover edition.
When Susan Tate's seventeen-year-old daughter, Lily, announces she is pregnant, Susan is stunned. A single mother, she has struggled to do everything right. She sees the pregnancy as an unimaginable tragedy for both Lily and herself.
Then comes word of two more pregnancies among high school juniors who happen to be Lily's best friends-and the town turns to talk of a pact. As fingers start pointing, the most ardent criticism is directed at Susan. As principal of the high school, she has always been held up as a role model of hard work and core values. Now her detractors accuse her of being a lax mother, perhaps not worthy of the job of shepherding impressionable students. As Susan struggles with the implications of her daughter's pregnancy, her job, financial independence, and long-fought-for dreams are all at risk.
The emotional ties between mothers and daughters are stretched to breaking in this emotionally wrenching story of love and forgiveness. Once again, Barbara Delinsky has given us a powerful novel, one that asks a central question: What does it take to be a good mother?
From the Hardcover edition.
Audiobook
First published January 5, 2010
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About the author
Barbara Delinsky
308 books4,357 followersI was born and raised in suburban Boston. My mother’s death, when I was eight, was the defining event of a childhood that was otherwise ordinary. I took piano lessons and flute lessons. I took ballroom dancing lessons. I went to summer camp through my fifteenth year (in Maine, which explains the setting of so many of my stories), then spent my sixteenth summer learning to type and to drive (two skills that have served me better than all of my other high school courses combined). I earned a B.A. in Psychology at Tufts University and an M.A. in Sociology at Boston College. The motivation behind the M.A. was sheer greed. My husband was just starting law school. We needed the money.
Following graduate school, I worked as a researcher with the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, and as a photographer and reporter for the Belmont Herald. I did the newspaper work after my first son was born. Since I was heavily into taking pictures of him, I worked for the paper to support that habit. Initially, I wrote only in a secondary capacity, to provide copy for the pictures I took. In time, I realized that I was better at writing than photography. I used both skills doing volunteer work for hospital groups, and have served on the Board of Directors of the Friends of the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center and on the MGH’s Women’s Cancer Advisory Board.
I became an actual writer by fluke. My twins were four when, by chance, I happened on a newspaper article profiling three female writers. Intrigued, I spent three months researching, plotting, and writing my own book - and it sold.
My niche? I write about the emotional crises that we face in our lives. Readers identify with my characters. They know them. They are them. I'm an everyday woman writing about everyday people facing not-so-everyday challenges.
My novels are character-driven studies of marriage, parenthood, sibling rivalry, and friendship, and I’ve been blessed in having readers who buy them eagerly enough to put them on the major bestseller lists. One of my latest, Sweet Salt Air, came out in 2013. Blueprints, my second novel with St. Martin’s Press, became my 22nd New York Times bestselling novel soon after its release in June 2015. Making Up, my work in progress, will be published in 2018.
2018? Yikes. I didn’t think I’d live that long. I thought I’d die of breast cancer back in the 1900's, like my mom. But I didn’t. I was diagnosed nearly twenty years ago, had surgery and treatment, and here I am, stronger than ever and loving having authored yet another book, this one the non-fiction Uplift: Secrets From the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors. First published in 2001, Uplift is a handbook of practical tips and upbeat anecdotes that I compiled with the help of 350 breast cancer survivors, their families and friends. These survivors just ... blew me away! They gave me the book that I wish I’d had way back when I was diagnosed. There is no medical information here, nothing frightening, simply practical advice from friends who’ve had breast cancer. The 10th Anniversary Volume of Uplift is now in print. And the money I’ve made on the book? Every cent has gone to my charitable foundation, which funds an ongoing research fellowship at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Connect with me on Facebook: facebook.com/bdelinsky
Look for my photos on Instagram: instagram.com/barbaradelinsky
Following graduate school, I worked as a researcher with the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, and as a photographer and reporter for the Belmont Herald. I did the newspaper work after my first son was born. Since I was heavily into taking pictures of him, I worked for the paper to support that habit. Initially, I wrote only in a secondary capacity, to provide copy for the pictures I took. In time, I realized that I was better at writing than photography. I used both skills doing volunteer work for hospital groups, and have served on the Board of Directors of the Friends of the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center and on the MGH’s Women’s Cancer Advisory Board.
I became an actual writer by fluke. My twins were four when, by chance, I happened on a newspaper article profiling three female writers. Intrigued, I spent three months researching, plotting, and writing my own book - and it sold.
My niche? I write about the emotional crises that we face in our lives. Readers identify with my characters. They know them. They are them. I'm an everyday woman writing about everyday people facing not-so-everyday challenges.
My novels are character-driven studies of marriage, parenthood, sibling rivalry, and friendship, and I’ve been blessed in having readers who buy them eagerly enough to put them on the major bestseller lists. One of my latest, Sweet Salt Air, came out in 2013. Blueprints, my second novel with St. Martin’s Press, became my 22nd New York Times bestselling novel soon after its release in June 2015. Making Up, my work in progress, will be published in 2018.
2018? Yikes. I didn’t think I’d live that long. I thought I’d die of breast cancer back in the 1900's, like my mom. But I didn’t. I was diagnosed nearly twenty years ago, had surgery and treatment, and here I am, stronger than ever and loving having authored yet another book, this one the non-fiction Uplift: Secrets From the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors. First published in 2001, Uplift is a handbook of practical tips and upbeat anecdotes that I compiled with the help of 350 breast cancer survivors, their families and friends. These survivors just ... blew me away! They gave me the book that I wish I’d had way back when I was diagnosed. There is no medical information here, nothing frightening, simply practical advice from friends who’ve had breast cancer. The 10th Anniversary Volume of Uplift is now in print. And the money I’ve made on the book? Every cent has gone to my charitable foundation, which funds an ongoing research fellowship at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Connect with me on Facebook: facebook.com/bdelinsky
Look for my photos on Instagram: instagram.com/barbaradelinsky
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,293 reviews
December 14, 2022
Holy cow! This is a book that blew me away. Initially I thought it was a true story---it is a novel. Three high school girls make a pact to get pregnant. One of the girls' mother is the high school principal. Family, workplace and community dynamics get very interesting as the story progresses.
December 29, 2011
Although I have heard good things about Barbara Delinsky, I wasn't thoroughly impressed with her writing and I probably won't read more from her. I feel like I didn't gain a thing out of this book. The premise was appealing to me (pregnancy pact) but the book was really about what defines a 'good' mother. Which, as a mother myself, is also an appealing topic, but I just wasn't feeling this book. It went on and on about the same thing for countless pages. Even the epilogue was too drawn out!
The characters were annoying. There was no depth to them, and the story mainly consisted of boring dialogue. Susan's relationship with her mother was ridiculous. Like the woman held a grudge for nearly 20 years because her daughter got pregnant, is a total bitch to her (but Susan continues to call her) and then miraculously decides to be kind in the last few pages.
As for Susan and Rick's relationship... What the heck was that? I don't care if the book is fictional, it should still make SENSE.
Delinsky droned on and on about how bright these teens are and blah blah, yet they seemed like complete idiots to me. Their mothers should have smacked them.
The characters were annoying. There was no depth to them, and the story mainly consisted of boring dialogue. Susan's relationship with her mother was ridiculous. Like the woman held a grudge for nearly 20 years because her daughter got pregnant, is a total bitch to her (but Susan continues to call her) and then miraculously decides to be kind in the last few pages.
As for Susan and Rick's relationship... What the heck was that? I don't care if the book is fictional, it should still make SENSE.
Delinsky droned on and on about how bright these teens are and blah blah, yet they seemed like complete idiots to me. Their mothers should have smacked them.
October 11, 2010
The premice for this story was intriguing (though highly unlikely). Four 17-yr-old girls from good families make a pact to all become pregnant at the same time. (This isn't a "spoiler comment," because it occurs in the first few chapters). They don't want husbands, just babies. For no apparent reason. Which is what makes the girls unsympathetic protagonists. How can we feel sorry for those self-destructive immature idiots? Of course, they can't support themselves, so they expect to live with their families of origin while they enjoy the pleasures of motherhood sans responsibilities and without being bothered by intrusive husbands.
The book is centered on their mothers' reactions to the pregnancies. They agonize about them endlessly. Their own reputations are tarnished, particularly Susan's, as she is the high school principal. The book drags on and on and doesn't go anywhere. Everybody sits around knitting and discussing how upset they are.
I wanted to like this book, but it didn't hold my interest.
The book is centered on their mothers' reactions to the pregnancies. They agonize about them endlessly. Their own reputations are tarnished, particularly Susan's, as she is the high school principal. The book drags on and on and doesn't go anywhere. Everybody sits around knitting and discussing how upset they are.
I wanted to like this book, but it didn't hold my interest.
May 20, 2025
Not My Daughter by Barbara Delinsky
Wonderful book. Ask yourself one question as a mom or dad…What would you do if your 17 yo came up pregnant and found out it was part of a pregnancy pace?
Wonderful book. Ask yourself one question as a mom or dad…What would you do if your 17 yo came up pregnant and found out it was part of a pregnancy pace?
September 15, 2013
This book is awful.
There. I said it. It's painfully, horribly, disgustingly awful.
The biggest problem with this book is that you have ZERO sympathy for any of the main characters. The premise is that a group of girls enters into this pregnancy pact so they can have babies together. What the book is actually about is how one of the mothers deals with it. And deals with it. And deals with it. For hundreds of pages.
The author makes it impossible to feel sympathy or commiseration with the girls in the book who actually got pregnant. In addition, there is almost zero time with any of them, especially the two friends of the main pregnant girl, trying to figure out WHY they did what they did. The most confusing part is that these girls, who are touted as "the LAST ones anyone would expect to get pregnant", are constantly described as so responsible and so smart. Yet they display COMPLETE lack of understanding when they finally tell their parents and their parents are not thrilled with the situation. They act completely bewildered as to why their parents aren't happy for them. You honestly have to wonder if they are mentally handicapped, especially when the main character's daughter tells her mother that "I'm having this baby for us!" WHAT??? Not ONE intelligent, responsible college bound 17-year-old would want to have a baby with her MOTHER.
It certainly makes it hard for the reader to relate, and therefore empathize, with any of these asinine, immature and incredibly stupid teenagers. The main character's daughter, Lily, continually makes comments about how she's thought this all out, about how she'll "have the baby in spring, do the mom thing over the summer, and then go to college in the fall." She is COMPLETELY delusional about the situation she's in. On top of that, when her mother is getting backlash from the community about the situation, Lily is completely dumbfounded as to why. She is completely unrealistic and impossible to relate to in any way, especially because the author does not build her character up in any way. The only character we get any insight on is her mother, with internal thoughts and dialogue. With Lily, and even moreso with her pregnant friends, we just have to wonder why.
It also doesn't make sense because the book tries to convince us that she and her mother are just so darn close. They are their own family and are best friends, do everything together, etc. It is completely contradicting the entire premise, which is that her daughter did this without telling her mother at all and her mother did not have a freaking CLUE. Yet throughout the book, we are supposed to believe that Lily and her mother are BFF in every way.
The mother herself is, of course, the high school principal and also had her daughter at seventeen, so she is held to scrutiny by the town, superintendent, and school board. Her own parents actually exiled her, so she is extra sensitive to her daughter. The book focuses less on the girls and their reasoning as to why they did what they did, and more on the town's reaction and how the mother (Susan) is handling things. She is handling things poorly, in case you were wondering, because she does not for one minute hold her daughter responsible for her behavior. As are the other girls' mothers. The mothers instantly are, "well, what can we do now? It's done." No punishment is given out. The girls refuse to talk about this more than a few sentences at a time and that's ok, and all tell their parents "we are keeping it and there is nothing you can do." The moms TALK about how angry they are but in effect throw up their hands and all say, "teens...what can you do?" Mind boggling.
The book discusses NONE of the problems of teen pregnancy. Not one. Nowhere in it do their classmates judge them or call them names for being pregnant and not knowing/telling who the fathers are, nowhere in it do their parents sit down and talk with them and have an honest conversation. Nowhere in it do the parents even YELL at the idiotic girls. Any time any of the mothers comes CLOSE to even questioning her daughter, it's instantly portrayed as lack of understanding and judging. One of the girls has a potential problem with her pregnancy, but instead of using this opportunity to describe the very real situation of birth defects, stillborns and the potential problems that come with pregnancy in general, it's used as a way to draw the principal and her estranged baby daddy back together. And of course the baby is fine, after extensive testing and surgery.
Which brings me to another point. Oh yes, specialists are seen, MRI's are taken, surgery is performed on the fetus - not ONCE does the author talk about the significant medical costs that are being incurred, which is hundreds of thousands of dollars. There is one scene where the mother tells her daughter that she will be on her insurance, and that's it. But when they are going to the doctors nonstop and having testing done, it is all portrayed as a matter of course, that everyone who needs these tests just goes and gets it done and insurance takes care of it. No financial worries at all during the whole thing.
In addition, the three moms whose daughters are pregnant have a fourth friend whose daughter is not pregnant. This fourth friend's daughter actually was the first one to get pregnant and start the pact, but had a miscarriage so her mother is clueless about all of this. The three other friends KNOW that her daughter was involved, but won't tell her out of loyalty to her daughter. WTF? Even the high school principal feels this way! She won't tell her friend that her daughter is in the same situation, but will send emails out to the school board and community defending her daughter and being "proactive" about the situation. It is all about her and she could care less about her "friend."
In general the three head moms treat the fourth mom like complete bullies. There is a scene where one of them goes absolutely bananas on the fourth mom, completely out of line, and of course the other two moms make the fourth one feel like complete garbage and ask her why she can't just understand why the woman was screaming at her. The only time they talk to her is when they want her to pull strings on the school board or throw money into their knitting business. Throughout the book she is mostly supportive of her terrible friends, even when they call her up to whine about how she should do more to help them. Susan calls her up repeatedly to whine, and beg her to pull strings on the school board, even though it would mean putting her own neck out there, and acts like she's so terrible when she is hesitant to do so at first.
Eventually this poor woman's daughter confesses that she was the one who started the pact and first got pregnant, and then she decides she's apparently deserved all this bullying from the other moms and is even MORE supportive. Nowhere does she call out the school principal for knowing about her daughter's atrocious behavior and not telling her about it, both as a friend and as a school administrator.
The other issue I have with this book is the way the men are treated. Universally, the men are treated as nothing more than sperm donors, their feelings and lives given not a thought. For instance, one of the girl's long-time boyfriend who wants to go to college, become a doctor and actually has plans for his life is seen as heartless and cruel when he becomes angry with his girlfriend for basically ruining his life. It's perfectly ok that she has a baby without his knowledge or consent, but in sticking with the main theme of this book the second he says, "this is not ok" he is portrayed as being a real son of a bitch. In one instance Lily begs him to research and find out what's wrong with her baby, and he tells her, "I am in high school, and not actually a doctor" and she starts lecturing him about being a father and having to grow up. It's jarring because the entire time they are talking about how they don't need the fathers and now all of a sudden, HE is the one who needs to face reality?? PLEASE. And he IS in high school!! How is he supposed to find out what's wrong with a baby??
The main pregnant girl, Lily, got pregnant with the boy across the street, and although she doesn't want him to know it was him, he figures it out. He marches to her house one day with his parents and offers to help and marry her (yeah right) and both Lily and her mother apparently think this is the worst thing in the world. While I do not condone marrying someone just because they got pregnant, he was trying to do the RIGHT thing and support his child. Lily's mother has this internal agony listening to Lily respond, praying that she won't get together with her father's child, who seems like an honestly genuinely nice guy. Senseless.
Later they actually have a conversation with Lily and her mother where Lily actually says she likes Robbie (the boy she got pregnant with) for his genes and that's all, she wants nothing to do with him otherwise. Her mother is silently approving of this. Uh, your daughter is using people, changing their entire LIVES forever, for her own selfish wants, and you are only concerned about your daughter feeling independent? She honestly SHOULD have lost her job as principal. She is a horrible human being and so is her daughter. This conversation literally was sickening.
Of course, the reason she is so sympathetic to her daughter's moronic decision is because she also got pregnant at 17 and her family totally overreacted. The main difference of course, is that she ACCIDENTALLY got pregnant. Her family, especially her father (this book hates men) gave her some money to go away and never spoke to her again. Her mother is a frigid figure who barely will speak to her even though she calls her repeatedly to try to smooth things over. Eventually, her father dies and she insists on attending the funeral with her pregnant daughter. At the funeral, her family makes it VERY clear that she is not welcome, yet she insists on staying and making things awkward for everyone during the entire wake. Because, of course, it is all about her. Afterwards her mother has a complete 180 and now wants to be supportive to her pregnant granddaughter. It turns out that the only reason she was such an icicle is because her husband was so against the situation. Men are bad yet again, and the storyline practically holds a gun to your head saying, "IT IS OK FOR TEENS TO GET PREGNANT. YOU HAVE TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND NOT JUDGE THEM IN ANY WAY. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS GIRL WHOSE PARENTS DISOWNED HER."
All of this is culminating to the main character's keeping her job as principal. Members of the school board (made up of old curmudgeons who look down on teen pregnancy, like normal people) is portrayed as heartless, out of touch with reality, and cruel. They have this big meeting at the school with members of the community having their say about the whole thing, and of course eventually one of the big wigs in the community makes a plea for the main character to keep her job, accusing everyone there of throwing stones in glass houses because they have problems of their own, too. Uh, I am pretty sure their problems did not include their children deliberately getting pregnant but whatever. The whole thing is ridiculous. So the principal gets to keep her job and continue on her merry way.
But wait! Lily's baby having so many medical issues brings a silver lining - her own father, whom her mother "let live his life with no strings attached" now is back in the picture. See, years ago when Lily was born, her mother also wanted nothing to do with the father because he had goals and dreams and aspirations and she didn't want to hold him back. Now that he is concerned about his grandchild, here he is, and of course she gets back together with him. Lily points out gleefully that her baby brought her family back together, and this is portrayed as a moving, touching thing. Now that her baby is totally fine, she and her mom and dad can all live together happily. No, really. IT REALLY HAPPENS THAT WAY.
In the epilogue the girls all have their babies, and are sort of lamenting the fact that they can't go to college yet and their parents won't babysit as much as they'd like, but in general they more slightly wistful than comprehending the fact that their lives as teenagers and young adults are totally over. They are still happy they had their children. The end.
Like I said.
AWFUL.
There. I said it. It's painfully, horribly, disgustingly awful.
The biggest problem with this book is that you have ZERO sympathy for any of the main characters. The premise is that a group of girls enters into this pregnancy pact so they can have babies together. What the book is actually about is how one of the mothers deals with it. And deals with it. And deals with it. For hundreds of pages.
The author makes it impossible to feel sympathy or commiseration with the girls in the book who actually got pregnant. In addition, there is almost zero time with any of them, especially the two friends of the main pregnant girl, trying to figure out WHY they did what they did. The most confusing part is that these girls, who are touted as "the LAST ones anyone would expect to get pregnant", are constantly described as so responsible and so smart. Yet they display COMPLETE lack of understanding when they finally tell their parents and their parents are not thrilled with the situation. They act completely bewildered as to why their parents aren't happy for them. You honestly have to wonder if they are mentally handicapped, especially when the main character's daughter tells her mother that "I'm having this baby for us!" WHAT??? Not ONE intelligent, responsible college bound 17-year-old would want to have a baby with her MOTHER.
It certainly makes it hard for the reader to relate, and therefore empathize, with any of these asinine, immature and incredibly stupid teenagers. The main character's daughter, Lily, continually makes comments about how she's thought this all out, about how she'll "have the baby in spring, do the mom thing over the summer, and then go to college in the fall." She is COMPLETELY delusional about the situation she's in. On top of that, when her mother is getting backlash from the community about the situation, Lily is completely dumbfounded as to why. She is completely unrealistic and impossible to relate to in any way, especially because the author does not build her character up in any way. The only character we get any insight on is her mother, with internal thoughts and dialogue. With Lily, and even moreso with her pregnant friends, we just have to wonder why.
It also doesn't make sense because the book tries to convince us that she and her mother are just so darn close. They are their own family and are best friends, do everything together, etc. It is completely contradicting the entire premise, which is that her daughter did this without telling her mother at all and her mother did not have a freaking CLUE. Yet throughout the book, we are supposed to believe that Lily and her mother are BFF in every way.
The mother herself is, of course, the high school principal and also had her daughter at seventeen, so she is held to scrutiny by the town, superintendent, and school board. Her own parents actually exiled her, so she is extra sensitive to her daughter. The book focuses less on the girls and their reasoning as to why they did what they did, and more on the town's reaction and how the mother (Susan) is handling things. She is handling things poorly, in case you were wondering, because she does not for one minute hold her daughter responsible for her behavior. As are the other girls' mothers. The mothers instantly are, "well, what can we do now? It's done." No punishment is given out. The girls refuse to talk about this more than a few sentences at a time and that's ok, and all tell their parents "we are keeping it and there is nothing you can do." The moms TALK about how angry they are but in effect throw up their hands and all say, "teens...what can you do?" Mind boggling.
The book discusses NONE of the problems of teen pregnancy. Not one. Nowhere in it do their classmates judge them or call them names for being pregnant and not knowing/telling who the fathers are, nowhere in it do their parents sit down and talk with them and have an honest conversation. Nowhere in it do the parents even YELL at the idiotic girls. Any time any of the mothers comes CLOSE to even questioning her daughter, it's instantly portrayed as lack of understanding and judging. One of the girls has a potential problem with her pregnancy, but instead of using this opportunity to describe the very real situation of birth defects, stillborns and the potential problems that come with pregnancy in general, it's used as a way to draw the principal and her estranged baby daddy back together. And of course the baby is fine, after extensive testing and surgery.
Which brings me to another point. Oh yes, specialists are seen, MRI's are taken, surgery is performed on the fetus - not ONCE does the author talk about the significant medical costs that are being incurred, which is hundreds of thousands of dollars. There is one scene where the mother tells her daughter that she will be on her insurance, and that's it. But when they are going to the doctors nonstop and having testing done, it is all portrayed as a matter of course, that everyone who needs these tests just goes and gets it done and insurance takes care of it. No financial worries at all during the whole thing.
In addition, the three moms whose daughters are pregnant have a fourth friend whose daughter is not pregnant. This fourth friend's daughter actually was the first one to get pregnant and start the pact, but had a miscarriage so her mother is clueless about all of this. The three other friends KNOW that her daughter was involved, but won't tell her out of loyalty to her daughter. WTF? Even the high school principal feels this way! She won't tell her friend that her daughter is in the same situation, but will send emails out to the school board and community defending her daughter and being "proactive" about the situation. It is all about her and she could care less about her "friend."
In general the three head moms treat the fourth mom like complete bullies. There is a scene where one of them goes absolutely bananas on the fourth mom, completely out of line, and of course the other two moms make the fourth one feel like complete garbage and ask her why she can't just understand why the woman was screaming at her. The only time they talk to her is when they want her to pull strings on the school board or throw money into their knitting business. Throughout the book she is mostly supportive of her terrible friends, even when they call her up to whine about how she should do more to help them. Susan calls her up repeatedly to whine, and beg her to pull strings on the school board, even though it would mean putting her own neck out there, and acts like she's so terrible when she is hesitant to do so at first.
Eventually this poor woman's daughter confesses that she was the one who started the pact and first got pregnant, and then she decides she's apparently deserved all this bullying from the other moms and is even MORE supportive. Nowhere does she call out the school principal for knowing about her daughter's atrocious behavior and not telling her about it, both as a friend and as a school administrator.
The other issue I have with this book is the way the men are treated. Universally, the men are treated as nothing more than sperm donors, their feelings and lives given not a thought. For instance, one of the girl's long-time boyfriend who wants to go to college, become a doctor and actually has plans for his life is seen as heartless and cruel when he becomes angry with his girlfriend for basically ruining his life. It's perfectly ok that she has a baby without his knowledge or consent, but in sticking with the main theme of this book the second he says, "this is not ok" he is portrayed as being a real son of a bitch. In one instance Lily begs him to research and find out what's wrong with her baby, and he tells her, "I am in high school, and not actually a doctor" and she starts lecturing him about being a father and having to grow up. It's jarring because the entire time they are talking about how they don't need the fathers and now all of a sudden, HE is the one who needs to face reality?? PLEASE. And he IS in high school!! How is he supposed to find out what's wrong with a baby??
The main pregnant girl, Lily, got pregnant with the boy across the street, and although she doesn't want him to know it was him, he figures it out. He marches to her house one day with his parents and offers to help and marry her (yeah right) and both Lily and her mother apparently think this is the worst thing in the world. While I do not condone marrying someone just because they got pregnant, he was trying to do the RIGHT thing and support his child. Lily's mother has this internal agony listening to Lily respond, praying that she won't get together with her father's child, who seems like an honestly genuinely nice guy. Senseless.
Later they actually have a conversation with Lily and her mother where Lily actually says she likes Robbie (the boy she got pregnant with) for his genes and that's all, she wants nothing to do with him otherwise. Her mother is silently approving of this. Uh, your daughter is using people, changing their entire LIVES forever, for her own selfish wants, and you are only concerned about your daughter feeling independent? She honestly SHOULD have lost her job as principal. She is a horrible human being and so is her daughter. This conversation literally was sickening.
Of course, the reason she is so sympathetic to her daughter's moronic decision is because she also got pregnant at 17 and her family totally overreacted. The main difference of course, is that she ACCIDENTALLY got pregnant. Her family, especially her father (this book hates men) gave her some money to go away and never spoke to her again. Her mother is a frigid figure who barely will speak to her even though she calls her repeatedly to try to smooth things over. Eventually, her father dies and she insists on attending the funeral with her pregnant daughter. At the funeral, her family makes it VERY clear that she is not welcome, yet she insists on staying and making things awkward for everyone during the entire wake. Because, of course, it is all about her. Afterwards her mother has a complete 180 and now wants to be supportive to her pregnant granddaughter. It turns out that the only reason she was such an icicle is because her husband was so against the situation. Men are bad yet again, and the storyline practically holds a gun to your head saying, "IT IS OK FOR TEENS TO GET PREGNANT. YOU HAVE TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND NOT JUDGE THEM IN ANY WAY. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS GIRL WHOSE PARENTS DISOWNED HER."
All of this is culminating to the main character's keeping her job as principal. Members of the school board (made up of old curmudgeons who look down on teen pregnancy, like normal people) is portrayed as heartless, out of touch with reality, and cruel. They have this big meeting at the school with members of the community having their say about the whole thing, and of course eventually one of the big wigs in the community makes a plea for the main character to keep her job, accusing everyone there of throwing stones in glass houses because they have problems of their own, too. Uh, I am pretty sure their problems did not include their children deliberately getting pregnant but whatever. The whole thing is ridiculous. So the principal gets to keep her job and continue on her merry way.
But wait! Lily's baby having so many medical issues brings a silver lining - her own father, whom her mother "let live his life with no strings attached" now is back in the picture. See, years ago when Lily was born, her mother also wanted nothing to do with the father because he had goals and dreams and aspirations and she didn't want to hold him back. Now that he is concerned about his grandchild, here he is, and of course she gets back together with him. Lily points out gleefully that her baby brought her family back together, and this is portrayed as a moving, touching thing. Now that her baby is totally fine, she and her mom and dad can all live together happily. No, really. IT REALLY HAPPENS THAT WAY.
In the epilogue the girls all have their babies, and are sort of lamenting the fact that they can't go to college yet and their parents won't babysit as much as they'd like, but in general they more slightly wistful than comprehending the fact that their lives as teenagers and young adults are totally over. They are still happy they had their children. The end.
Like I said.
AWFUL.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 22, 2012
I really enjoyed this book. I felt as though it was well written and well developed. Although the novel featured several characters, it was clear and not confusing. Each character clearly had their own thoughts and feelings. The plot was an interesting one and I enjoyed the novel the whole way through. The book was well rounded up, which is something that I prefer when reading a novel. Definitely an author that I'd Iike to read more from.
April 7, 2010
"Ripped from the headlines," but with no depth. The characters were all very superficial and rather unbelievable. The perspective shifts between so many people that there's no time to develop enough of a backstory to make you feel like you knew any of them.
The extent to which Susan's job was imperiled by the pregnancy pact was not believable. Why didn't she fight back sooner? And THEN after focusing on the job angle for the whole book, that whole storyline just gets dropped at the end, with barely a mention of what happens to her position!
The other main problem with this book: it was all dialogue! You can't just tell us! Show us! Maybe if Delinsky could have shown us how conservative the town is, I would have believed her. Instead she just threw out the words "traditional" and "responsibility" a lot. How exactly is a town known for its citizens' responsibility? Dumb.
Also, I thought the resolution as a whole was overly rosy. Yay, everyone gets to have a baby, the families are all happy, and all will live happily ever after. Oh wait, one had a birth defect, but it was fixable. All better now.
I think this was a great concept for a novel (even if it smacks of Law and Order stealing from major news stories,) but the execution was poor.
The extent to which Susan's job was imperiled by the pregnancy pact was not believable. Why didn't she fight back sooner? And THEN after focusing on the job angle for the whole book, that whole storyline just gets dropped at the end, with barely a mention of what happens to her position!
The other main problem with this book: it was all dialogue! You can't just tell us! Show us! Maybe if Delinsky could have shown us how conservative the town is, I would have believed her. Instead she just threw out the words "traditional" and "responsibility" a lot. How exactly is a town known for its citizens' responsibility? Dumb.
Also, I thought the resolution as a whole was overly rosy. Yay, everyone gets to have a baby, the families are all happy, and all will live happily ever after. Oh wait, one had a birth defect, but it was fixable. All better now.
I think this was a great concept for a novel (even if it smacks of Law and Order stealing from major news stories,) but the execution was poor.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 27, 2010
What constitutes a good mother? How much responsibility must a mother take for her daughter's poor choices?
These are the issues at the root of "Not My Daughter." Susan Tate is a single mom to her seventeen-year-old daughter Lily. She had her own daughter at seventeen, her parents threw her out, and she has had to struggle alone for all these years. She has made something of her life and stubbornly clings to the hard-won control over her life. She is the principal at her daughter's school. At age thirty-five, she is the youngest principal to ever lead here.
But then she is blindsided by her daughter, pregnant at seventeen. Within weeks, her two best friends are also pregnant and a "pact" is revealed.
Suddenly fingers are pointing, questions are raised, a media storm is brewing...and Susan fears that her job will be terminated.
Her own best friends (whose daughters are also pregnant) are seemingly her only support system.
But in the weeks and months that follow, she discovers untapped strength—something she must draw on when more unexpected disasters loom.
What will Susan discover about herself and what she needs during this trying time? Will she finally be able to share her burdens with Lily's father and her own mother Ellen? What will she learn about herself and about "mothering"?
A very dramatic and somewhat unsettling story unfolds as we reach the conclusion and the answers to these questions. Definitely five stars from me!
These are the issues at the root of "Not My Daughter." Susan Tate is a single mom to her seventeen-year-old daughter Lily. She had her own daughter at seventeen, her parents threw her out, and she has had to struggle alone for all these years. She has made something of her life and stubbornly clings to the hard-won control over her life. She is the principal at her daughter's school. At age thirty-five, she is the youngest principal to ever lead here.
But then she is blindsided by her daughter, pregnant at seventeen. Within weeks, her two best friends are also pregnant and a "pact" is revealed.
Suddenly fingers are pointing, questions are raised, a media storm is brewing...and Susan fears that her job will be terminated.
Her own best friends (whose daughters are also pregnant) are seemingly her only support system.
But in the weeks and months that follow, she discovers untapped strength—something she must draw on when more unexpected disasters loom.
What will Susan discover about herself and what she needs during this trying time? Will she finally be able to share her burdens with Lily's father and her own mother Ellen? What will she learn about herself and about "mothering"?
A very dramatic and somewhat unsettling story unfolds as we reach the conclusion and the answers to these questions. Definitely five stars from me!
January 15, 2010
I found this book to be exhausting and very frustrating. The insipid behavior of the girls in this book was just ridiculous. It is a baby, not a puppy or a stuffed animal. Then....the whole pact issue....It's a pact. No, it's not a pack. Yes, it is a pact. Well, maybe it is a pack behavior. At one point, who cares! The only part that made sense to me was Abby's reasoning for starting the "pact"...I could understand her thought process....but as for the rest of them...they should have gotten a puppy for companionship. Quite frankly the only thing this book made me do was be grateful I had a son, not a daughter. UGH!!!
January 16, 2010
I usually like Barbara Delinsky, and I did read this book to the end, but I thought it was pretty flat. The characters were underdeveloped and not real. Maybe my problem is that I just can't understand how teen-aged girls could enter into a pregnancy pact in the first place, but I also didn't buy the way the girls and their mothers reacted to it.
May 23, 2010
Three bright, college bound teens make a pact to become pregnant and have babies. News of the pact is quickly leaked by one of the friends. The community's anger and disappointment is soon turned on one of the mothers......also the principal of the highschool. The mother having been pregnant herself at seventeen but still making a successful life.
The story drew me in when I wondered, 'What the heck were they thinking?" And then......pft, what they were thinking was never really explained. The girls decided after a summer of babysitting that they, as mature 17 year old girls, could be better mothers than the ones they worked for. Also it seemed so fun to have something of your own. I would like to offer up that a kitten would have been a better choice.
The book had its points. The mothers did question their culpability in the situation, wondering if they had parented wrong. And as far as the book describes, they probably didn't, but it is a question asked by most parents. It was just a foolish pact between the girls. Once the gossip mill started there were some hard times. It described fairly well what it can be like in a small town where your business is everyone elses. The maturity of the girls seemed to be on target. They were ridiculous fools. And even though Delinsky showed this........I was still more than irked. The girls were idiots. They never had a good reason for doing something SO life changing. Beyond the passing mention of adoption or abortion, the options were never really given any creedence. The main teen Lily said more than once that she didn't want the father in the picture because she wanted the baby to be 'hers'. It made me so violently angry that I wanted to poke her in the eye. So self centered and immature I wanted the community to rip her to shreds. By the end.....probably the worst part........the whole package is tied up in a snappy little bow. The babies are all born healthy. All of the parents accept the babies and their daughters. The girls live at home and get taken care of by their parents. I'm not saying that that situation isn't probably true to life at times......I just didn't like it.
The story drew me in when I wondered, 'What the heck were they thinking?" And then......pft, what they were thinking was never really explained. The girls decided after a summer of babysitting that they, as mature 17 year old girls, could be better mothers than the ones they worked for. Also it seemed so fun to have something of your own. I would like to offer up that a kitten would have been a better choice.
The book had its points. The mothers did question their culpability in the situation, wondering if they had parented wrong. And as far as the book describes, they probably didn't, but it is a question asked by most parents. It was just a foolish pact between the girls. Once the gossip mill started there were some hard times. It described fairly well what it can be like in a small town where your business is everyone elses. The maturity of the girls seemed to be on target. They were ridiculous fools. And even though Delinsky showed this........I was still more than irked. The girls were idiots. They never had a good reason for doing something SO life changing. Beyond the passing mention of adoption or abortion, the options were never really given any creedence. The main teen Lily said more than once that she didn't want the father in the picture because she wanted the baby to be 'hers'. It made me so violently angry that I wanted to poke her in the eye. So self centered and immature I wanted the community to rip her to shreds. By the end.....probably the worst part........the whole package is tied up in a snappy little bow. The babies are all born healthy. All of the parents accept the babies and their daughters. The girls live at home and get taken care of by their parents. I'm not saying that that situation isn't probably true to life at times......I just didn't like it.
April 7, 2017
I have a confession: I feel mean writing the review I'm about to write.
I have a feeling that Delinsky is one of those bestselling authors who is bound by contract to produce a book every year (or at least every other year). The books sell because the fans are loyal, but the quality of the writing suffers.
The premise is compelling. Three teenage girls, best friends since childhood, have become pregnant. They have taken a pact to get pregnant and raise their children themselves, sans the fathers. One of the girls is the daughter of their small town high school principal, herself a never married single mother. Coincidentally, the principal was the same age as her daughter when she became pregnant. The pregnancies begin rumors, and the principal's detractors accuse her of not being a good mother and perhaps not the right role model for the teenagers. Timely, provocative, thought-provoking topics.
Here's the rub. The writing quality isn't very good. Maybe it's my pickiness as a writer, but the prose seemed second rate. Too much backstory dumped in the first few pages, too much telling rather than showing, that sort of thing. On the first page, I wanted to begin rewriting the story. After a few pages, I started skimming, not reading the words so much as picking up the pieces of the plot. After fifty pages, I skipped to the back, read the book club discussion questions (those always tell a great deal about the plot) and the ending.
It's a shame because I think the author is probably capable of better work than this. I had a similar experience with another novel of Delinsky's and didn't finish it either. Disappointing.
I have a feeling that Delinsky is one of those bestselling authors who is bound by contract to produce a book every year (or at least every other year). The books sell because the fans are loyal, but the quality of the writing suffers.
The premise is compelling. Three teenage girls, best friends since childhood, have become pregnant. They have taken a pact to get pregnant and raise their children themselves, sans the fathers. One of the girls is the daughter of their small town high school principal, herself a never married single mother. Coincidentally, the principal was the same age as her daughter when she became pregnant. The pregnancies begin rumors, and the principal's detractors accuse her of not being a good mother and perhaps not the right role model for the teenagers. Timely, provocative, thought-provoking topics.
Here's the rub. The writing quality isn't very good. Maybe it's my pickiness as a writer, but the prose seemed second rate. Too much backstory dumped in the first few pages, too much telling rather than showing, that sort of thing. On the first page, I wanted to begin rewriting the story. After a few pages, I started skimming, not reading the words so much as picking up the pieces of the plot. After fifty pages, I skipped to the back, read the book club discussion questions (those always tell a great deal about the plot) and the ending.
It's a shame because I think the author is probably capable of better work than this. I had a similar experience with another novel of Delinsky's and didn't finish it either. Disappointing.
February 5, 2017
Wow! I just love books that have realistic characters. I was really able to relate to the characters because they were just so authentic.
January 9, 2012
I read "Not My Daughter" by Barbara Delinsky as the book for this month for my new book club. I expected soap opera type drama and not much to think about...was I pleasantly surprised to find a compelling story with interesting characters. The premise is taken somewhat from newspaper headlines of an actual case that occurred several years ago. A group of girls, high achievers, happy, bright, well-adjusted from "good families" make a pact to get pregnant their senior year in high school. As I could not fathom the "why" of such a situation, it was interesting to see the different motives the author assigned to each girl had for participating in "the pact".
The setting is a small town in Maine, where life is strongly influenced by the fictious company Perry & Cass, a hugely successful organization that employs many of the townspeople and whose owners are the "royalty" of the town. The story centers around four women who are best friends and who are also partners in a small cottage wool business, and their four daughters who are also best friends. The story is told by Susan, the principal of the local high school. Susan knows first-hand the difficulties of an unplanned teen pregnancy; her parents sent her away when she became pregnant and have never forgiven her or been part of her life since then. On her own, she worked diligently to provide a good life and a stable family for herself and her daughter, Lily. The other women are Kate, a mother of five children and her daughter Mary Kate, Sunny and her daughter Jessica and Pam,wife of Perry & Cass's owner and CEO and her daughter Abby.
The girls' naivete as they planned the pact, their slow realization of the impact it has on themselves, the babies and their families and the reaction of other students, parents and ultimately the town itself gradually unfolds under Ms. Delinsky's careful writing. Particularly, the consequences for Susan, who is seen by some as a bad mother and unfit to be the school principal (which I personally found a bit hard to accept but it made for good drama). What makes a good or bad mother? As parents, are we ultimately always responsible for the actions of our children? I am reminded somewhat of Jodi Piccult's moral dilemma/drama style of writing. In any event, this is an enjoyable read that will give you lots to discuss, with your friends or with your book club and I would recommend it.
The setting is a small town in Maine, where life is strongly influenced by the fictious company Perry & Cass, a hugely successful organization that employs many of the townspeople and whose owners are the "royalty" of the town. The story centers around four women who are best friends and who are also partners in a small cottage wool business, and their four daughters who are also best friends. The story is told by Susan, the principal of the local high school. Susan knows first-hand the difficulties of an unplanned teen pregnancy; her parents sent her away when she became pregnant and have never forgiven her or been part of her life since then. On her own, she worked diligently to provide a good life and a stable family for herself and her daughter, Lily. The other women are Kate, a mother of five children and her daughter Mary Kate, Sunny and her daughter Jessica and Pam,wife of Perry & Cass's owner and CEO and her daughter Abby.
The girls' naivete as they planned the pact, their slow realization of the impact it has on themselves, the babies and their families and the reaction of other students, parents and ultimately the town itself gradually unfolds under Ms. Delinsky's careful writing. Particularly, the consequences for Susan, who is seen by some as a bad mother and unfit to be the school principal (which I personally found a bit hard to accept but it made for good drama). What makes a good or bad mother? As parents, are we ultimately always responsible for the actions of our children? I am reminded somewhat of Jodi Piccult's moral dilemma/drama style of writing. In any event, this is an enjoyable read that will give you lots to discuss, with your friends or with your book club and I would recommend it.
March 10, 2012
Not My Daughter tackles a topic that gets a whiff of media attention every now and then - pacts.
In this book a group of 17 year old seniors all end up pregnant within weeks of each other and it comes out that they made a pact to all get and be pregnant together and then raise their babies together. Seemed so easy and cut and dry to them. Never mind the boys who fathered, unknowingly, the babies. Never mind their siblings who would have to endure teasing and scorn. Never mind their parents who had raised them to make better decisions and themselves are now being accused of being horrible parents. Never mind that pregnancy takes a toll on the body. Never mind that their age doesn't make them exempt from complications of pregnancy. Never mind, never mind, never mind...
The book, I felt, also ended up highlighting a major problem with today's teenagers. They actually think and believe they are adults already and capable of making adult decisions. Except they aren't and they can't! Part of being an adult is using your life experience to weigh in on your decision making process, of looking at pros and cons and deciding if the cons are worth the price, anticipating "what ifs", of realizing that what you do may and probably does bear "consequences" for someone else - what you do isn't contained to just you, it affects other people. All of those facts about being an adult shine brightly in this book as the story unfolds and one of the pregnant girls, who with her mom serves to be the main characters of the book, keeps saying, "But this wasn't supposed to happen!" Guess what little girl? Nobody ever knows what will happen but life experience and maturity certainly help us weigh those kinds of "what ifs".
The book also addresses parenting. What makes a "good" and "bad" parent? Heated debates are contained within the pages that seem as if Delinsky had listened in on an actual debate about the matter. People actually say some of the stuff she includes.
As with most of her books, Delinsky writes a good story, an easy one to pick up and a hard one to put down.
In this book a group of 17 year old seniors all end up pregnant within weeks of each other and it comes out that they made a pact to all get and be pregnant together and then raise their babies together. Seemed so easy and cut and dry to them. Never mind the boys who fathered, unknowingly, the babies. Never mind their siblings who would have to endure teasing and scorn. Never mind their parents who had raised them to make better decisions and themselves are now being accused of being horrible parents. Never mind that pregnancy takes a toll on the body. Never mind that their age doesn't make them exempt from complications of pregnancy. Never mind, never mind, never mind...
The book, I felt, also ended up highlighting a major problem with today's teenagers. They actually think and believe they are adults already and capable of making adult decisions. Except they aren't and they can't! Part of being an adult is using your life experience to weigh in on your decision making process, of looking at pros and cons and deciding if the cons are worth the price, anticipating "what ifs", of realizing that what you do may and probably does bear "consequences" for someone else - what you do isn't contained to just you, it affects other people. All of those facts about being an adult shine brightly in this book as the story unfolds and one of the pregnant girls, who with her mom serves to be the main characters of the book, keeps saying, "But this wasn't supposed to happen!" Guess what little girl? Nobody ever knows what will happen but life experience and maturity certainly help us weigh those kinds of "what ifs".
The book also addresses parenting. What makes a "good" and "bad" parent? Heated debates are contained within the pages that seem as if Delinsky had listened in on an actual debate about the matter. People actually say some of the stuff she includes.
As with most of her books, Delinsky writes a good story, an easy one to pick up and a hard one to put down.
August 8, 2011
A fictionalized version of the real-life “Pregnancy Pact,” that took place in 2008, in Gloucester, Massachusetts with 17 high school girls expecting babies. This story takes place in the fabricated, small town of Zaganack, near the coast of Maine and only has three pregnant teenagers. One is Lily. Her mother Susan, is the principal of the high school. Lily and Susan are best friends with mother-duo’s of Kate and Mary Kate, Jessica and Sunny, and Pam and Abby. The books strongest point, is how the author examines relationships, connections, and conflicting motivations between the women. The author raised some interesting points, debates, and scenario’s for the reader to ponder. However, I would have liked the story to delve more deeply into the reasons the girls wanted babies and their own journey with the process, instead of focusing so tightly on the mothers. Susan’s story was the main point, and although the tension between her past and her current job was interesting, the other women’s equally interesting problems took a backseat. Also, it seemed that everything was wrapped up very neatly and quickly, which seemed unrealistic, considering what these girls did and how it would honestly change their dynamic and relationship forever. It wasn’t a particularly moving story for me, but admittedly, I am not a mother (yet), so it was more entertaining. It hooked me in, by the fact that I wanted to see what happened to the characters but I was ambivalent about any outcomes.
No favorite quotes.
No favorite quotes.
February 20, 2010
Not my usual choice of literature, this book is definitely chick-lit. The reason I was interested is that it was inspired by a 2008 report of a pregnancy pact in Gloucester, Mass. In this story, 3 supposedly bright, college-bound Seniors make a pact to get pregnant at 17 because. . . . .and here's where the story gets fuzzy. Understanding that the girls were best friends and thought it would be cool for their kids to be best friends too, and that the girls loved babies, I still couldn't buy the premise. The main protagonist is the daughter of a high school principal, who was also a single mother at 17. And apparently the fact that she was able to raise her daughter and achieve success influenced her 17 year old daughter to attempt to do the same.
The writing was good enough to keep me reading. There are some interesting sidelines. The mothers of the 17-year olds are also best friends and they have a business together of creating, dyeing, and marketing uniquely colored yarn. I am not a knitter, but this was so enchantingly described that I started to think I should knit. The other sideline that was interesting involved the political infighting on the school board of this small town about whether the principal should be fired because she set a bad example by "allowing" her daughter to get pregnant.
The writing was good enough to keep me reading. There are some interesting sidelines. The mothers of the 17-year olds are also best friends and they have a business together of creating, dyeing, and marketing uniquely colored yarn. I am not a knitter, but this was so enchantingly described that I started to think I should knit. The other sideline that was interesting involved the political infighting on the school board of this small town about whether the principal should be fired because she set a bad example by "allowing" her daughter to get pregnant.
February 22, 2010
"Well, I know if I were in that situation I'd..."
How many times do we say that to ourselves, especially when it comes to the problems, struggles, and trials of others? "Not My Daughter" provides plenty of opportunities for reflection upon what we would do in a host of situations both large and small.
Susan is the mother of a 17 year-old who gets pregnant on purpose. As an unmarried woman who had her daughter at 18, she finds herself thrown into a situation she never anticipated. The problem is compounded by the fact that she is the high school principal. Two of her daughter's friends also get pregnant further adding fuel to the fire.
This book intrigued me as it seemed to deal more with the reactions and struggles of the mothers involved and their attempts to answer the age-old cry of mothers -- "Where did I go wrong?"
I do not know of a single mother who has not said, no matter how their kids have turned out, I should have done this differently or I should have made them do that or I shouldn't have let them do whatever. I think that is part of our nature as mothers. But at what point do we say, I did the best I knew how to do, I taught them right from wrong, they have the freedom to choose for themselves, and I cannot feel responsible for what they have done?
Of course, I thought what would I do? The daughter is college-bound, good student, responsible, communicative--but still a teenager who hasn't thought through all the ramifications of her decision, especially the impact it will have on her mother and her mother's job.
The pregnancy also dredges up all the old conflicts with her own parents that Susan has pushed down in her heart. It also gives her more understanding into how her parents reacted when she found herself unmarried and pregnant.
All in all, the book presented opportunities to think about how would I react as a parent? as a friend? as a member of the community? is it possible to be supportive of someone who has made a mistake without giving the impression you condone what has happened? as well as a host of other moral dilemmas.
The story does come to a "happy" ending, but I would have really loved to see adoption as more of a possibility for these babies. It was discussed even less than the option of abortion, which really only came up in passing once or twice.
A fast read, some good things to think about, but not the deep, life-changing story I was hoping for.
How many times do we say that to ourselves, especially when it comes to the problems, struggles, and trials of others? "Not My Daughter" provides plenty of opportunities for reflection upon what we would do in a host of situations both large and small.
Susan is the mother of a 17 year-old who gets pregnant on purpose. As an unmarried woman who had her daughter at 18, she finds herself thrown into a situation she never anticipated. The problem is compounded by the fact that she is the high school principal. Two of her daughter's friends also get pregnant further adding fuel to the fire.
This book intrigued me as it seemed to deal more with the reactions and struggles of the mothers involved and their attempts to answer the age-old cry of mothers -- "Where did I go wrong?"
I do not know of a single mother who has not said, no matter how their kids have turned out, I should have done this differently or I should have made them do that or I shouldn't have let them do whatever. I think that is part of our nature as mothers. But at what point do we say, I did the best I knew how to do, I taught them right from wrong, they have the freedom to choose for themselves, and I cannot feel responsible for what they have done?
Of course, I thought what would I do? The daughter is college-bound, good student, responsible, communicative--but still a teenager who hasn't thought through all the ramifications of her decision, especially the impact it will have on her mother and her mother's job.
The pregnancy also dredges up all the old conflicts with her own parents that Susan has pushed down in her heart. It also gives her more understanding into how her parents reacted when she found herself unmarried and pregnant.
All in all, the book presented opportunities to think about how would I react as a parent? as a friend? as a member of the community? is it possible to be supportive of someone who has made a mistake without giving the impression you condone what has happened? as well as a host of other moral dilemmas.
The story does come to a "happy" ending, but I would have really loved to see adoption as more of a possibility for these babies. It was discussed even less than the option of abortion, which really only came up in passing once or twice.
A fast read, some good things to think about, but not the deep, life-changing story I was hoping for.
January 29, 2010
First let me say that I always seem to enjoy a Barbara Delinsky book. Not just because she is a New England author, but because her stories most always about real life situations. This particular novel is about a subject that would make most mothers of teenage girls cringe: A Pregnancy Pact.
In a nutshell Lily, Mary Kate and Jess are three teenage girls, lifelong friends, who decide it would be a great idea to get pregnant at the same time, so that their babies too could be friends. The girls are smart and popular, and even the mothers of these girls (Susan, Kate and Sunny) are friends.
Susan, the mother of Lily is the first to hear the pregnancy news. She thinks what her daughter has told her is a joke, but when she learns that she is serious, all the hopes and dreams that she had for the daughter she raised on her own, seem to be just that -- dreams. Susan always taught her daughter to be independent, and that it was possible for a woman to raise a well-adjusted child on her own.
Susan speaks from experience, as she too was pregnant at seventeen. She decided to raise Lily on her own; her own parents basically sent her on her way, and were never involved in Lily's life. Lily's father Rick, a successful news reporter, is still somewhat involved in his daughter's life and truly cares about Susan. Meanwhile, Susan has done well on her own, and is now a high school principal, and yes, at Lily's school. She has much to risk professionally, when the news of this pact breaks. Once it is out in the open, everyone seems quick to point the finger and place blame.
As I eagerly turned the pages of Not My Daughter, set in the small, close-knit (fictional) town of Zaganack, Maine it brought to mind a similar, true to life story I had heard about. An real life pregnancy pact in another coastal town, this one in Gloucester, Massachusetts. In case you haven't heard about that one, here is the link to the June 18, 2008, Time magazine article.
MY THOUGHTS - I enjoyed this book a lot. It was thought provoking, timely and emotionally gripping, but I was disappointed by the ending -- to say more might spoil it for others who plan to read this book. Despite the ending, the book is RECOMMENDED
In a nutshell Lily, Mary Kate and Jess are three teenage girls, lifelong friends, who decide it would be a great idea to get pregnant at the same time, so that their babies too could be friends. The girls are smart and popular, and even the mothers of these girls (Susan, Kate and Sunny) are friends.
Susan, the mother of Lily is the first to hear the pregnancy news. She thinks what her daughter has told her is a joke, but when she learns that she is serious, all the hopes and dreams that she had for the daughter she raised on her own, seem to be just that -- dreams. Susan always taught her daughter to be independent, and that it was possible for a woman to raise a well-adjusted child on her own.
Susan speaks from experience, as she too was pregnant at seventeen. She decided to raise Lily on her own; her own parents basically sent her on her way, and were never involved in Lily's life. Lily's father Rick, a successful news reporter, is still somewhat involved in his daughter's life and truly cares about Susan. Meanwhile, Susan has done well on her own, and is now a high school principal, and yes, at Lily's school. She has much to risk professionally, when the news of this pact breaks. Once it is out in the open, everyone seems quick to point the finger and place blame.
As I eagerly turned the pages of Not My Daughter, set in the small, close-knit (fictional) town of Zaganack, Maine it brought to mind a similar, true to life story I had heard about. An real life pregnancy pact in another coastal town, this one in Gloucester, Massachusetts. In case you haven't heard about that one, here is the link to the June 18, 2008, Time magazine article.
MY THOUGHTS - I enjoyed this book a lot. It was thought provoking, timely and emotionally gripping, but I was disappointed by the ending -- to say more might spoil it for others who plan to read this book. Despite the ending, the book is RECOMMENDED
May 20, 2010
Interesting story - four 17 year old girls decide it would be 'fun' to all get pregnant and have babies together. They don't want to involve the fathers at all, and don't really understand why their families think planning a pregnancy at 17 is a bad idea.
There are so many characters and the story jumps around so much, that I got confused and had to keep thinking about what character was involved. That was distracting from the story. For some reason, the entire "fault" for the girls' pregnancies is the high school principal? She is the mother of one of the pregnant teens, but the story really focuses on the principal and the fact that SHE was a 17 year old single mother also.
It was really disappointing that everything worked out 'wonderfully' in the end. All three pregnant girls had very supportive families and no difficulties at all with money or medical insurance, or even needing a job to earn money for themselves and their baby. Certainly not a good 'example' for teenage girls to read.
There are so many characters and the story jumps around so much, that I got confused and had to keep thinking about what character was involved. That was distracting from the story. For some reason, the entire "fault" for the girls' pregnancies is the high school principal? She is the mother of one of the pregnant teens, but the story really focuses on the principal and the fact that SHE was a 17 year old single mother also.
It was really disappointing that everything worked out 'wonderfully' in the end. All three pregnant girls had very supportive families and no difficulties at all with money or medical insurance, or even needing a job to earn money for themselves and their baby. Certainly not a good 'example' for teenage girls to read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 10, 2011
I read the news stories and saw the Lifetime original movie about the real-life pregnancy pact teen girls. Now I've read the book, and enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Ms. Delinsky has a wonderful writing style that evokes emotion from the reader without going overboard to maudlin or saccharine. I will admit that the ending was somewhat predictable and a little fairy-tale-ish, but it wasn't overdone. The book is really great in the last third, where people's true reactions to the pregnancies really come out. Ms. Delinksy was able to skillfully add layers of complexity to the issues in the characters' actions and reactions, making it completely believable. For someone who's never been in any of these situations, I was able to find characters with whom I agreed and sympathized, and that impressed me. I read this quickly, as the writing sucked me in and held my attention. I'm looking forward to reading more of Ms. Delinsky's books after this.
May 7, 2011
Once again, Barbara Delinsky explores family relationships and their far reaching consequences in a compelling tale of desire and responsibility, of love and trust. In “Not My Daughter,” the subject of teenage pregnancies is the catalyst for other issues. With well developed characters and plot, Ms. Delinsky illustrates how a single decision can affect so many, even to the point of dredging up old problems from years before that were never resolved. When it becomes apparent that one mother may lose her job because her daughter is pregnant, the inhabitants of the small town quickly choose up sides. Will it be too late? Can any of these friendships and relationships be saved, or will they be forever severed? Some choices, once made, cannot be undone. It’s how you deal with them, and if you have to go it alone, that makes all the difference. I received this book free from Goodreads First Reads.
November 27, 2021
A quick read that asks and explores what it means to be a good mother. Are we responsible for everything our kids do? Why do mothers get scrutinized so my more and fathers don't? What does it mean to be a good mother?
I liked it and was surprised that it took on such deep questions in a good way. This could have very easily just stuck to the main plot line but it went deeper into the consequences of the pact made by the teen girls. She nailed the short-sighted nature of teens who are unable to see beyond their own current desires - no prefrontal cortex - to consider how their decisions will actually affect their own lives and those of everyone around them. Good beach or cold weather read.
I liked it and was surprised that it took on such deep questions in a good way. This could have very easily just stuck to the main plot line but it went deeper into the consequences of the pact made by the teen girls. She nailed the short-sighted nature of teens who are unable to see beyond their own current desires - no prefrontal cortex - to consider how their decisions will actually affect their own lives and those of everyone around them. Good beach or cold weather read.
March 22, 2010
I've always loved Barbara Delinsky's books and this was no exception. I thought that it offered tasteful insight into the world on teenage pregnancy and the repercussions that take place. There were certain parts that I got angry, like the fact that the school board and the townspeople wanted to point the finger at Susan(namely, because she was the school principal)and I found myself wanting to shake Susan's mother because she was so cold and unforgiving. And then there were the sad parts(Susan's father passing and Lily's baby having CDH) All in all, this was a good book. Fast paced and interesting.
March 19, 2012
Not my daughter sheds some light on teenage pregnancy and the shadow it casts upon the family of the teenage mother.
Even though I did feel some sympathy for the girl, I felt quite a bit of sympathy for the mother. I don't even have children, but my best friend in high school, who is still my best friend today, had a son when she was sixteen. I never thought about what people said about her mom behind her back, but this book made me consider the ideas.
Good story.
Even though I did feel some sympathy for the girl, I felt quite a bit of sympathy for the mother. I don't even have children, but my best friend in high school, who is still my best friend today, had a son when she was sixteen. I never thought about what people said about her mom behind her back, but this book made me consider the ideas.
Good story.
February 14, 2010
Just started but a book not to be put down....must finish! Finished today and must say was a "dont put down" book..had tears parts because I related personally to this book, but a happy ending....it shows what mother-daughter-grandmother relationships are all about and how we should all get along....definitely worth reading...
November 1, 2017
I loved this book. One of the first things that first stood out to me was the names of some of the characters. I know a Jess, Kate and I'm a Lily.
I loved how things came together, and seemed to have worked out n the best way.
I loved how things came together, and seemed to have worked out n the best way.
June 27, 2011
This is one of those books where the discussion and questions brought up after reading are stronger than the actual book itself. The book chronicles the experience of Susan Tate: a single mother of one seventeen year old girl. A girl who happens to be pregnant along with two of her very best friends. It's news that rocks their small town: a pregnancy pact. To make things a little more interesting, Susan Tate is the acting principal at the high school all three girls attend, appointed in spite of once being a teenage mother herself.
Much of the books deals with the criteria of a "good mom". How could a "good mom" *let* her daughter get pregnant? Wouldn't a "good mom" know something was going on?
According to many members of this small town, blame had to be placed upon someone and in all three cases, it was the mom NOT the dad. Even in cases where the families were intact and both parents lived in the home, it was still the mother's fault. I find this to be an incredibly poignant question and discussion topic. As parents, we do the best we can. We hope our kid hits the toilet when he pees, we hope he says "please" and "thank you", we hope he'll grow to be kind and compassionate, we HOPE. We trust that we have taught right from wrong, we trust that our children will make the right decisions but sometimes they don't. No one is perfect. Parents aren't perfect. Children aren't perfect. Yet, when something goes wrong, there is a need for blame, for fault, and in most cases, no matter the infraction it is bestowed upon the mother. WHY??!!
Three very bright girls with promising futures made a decision to get pregnant together. Secretly. No one knew their plan, not even the boys involved. Not even their mothers. They did it because they wanted to. They loved children. They thought they could be good mothers. Heh. Their decision that one fateful day changed their lives forever and changed their small town.
Much of the books deals with the criteria of a "good mom". How could a "good mom" *let* her daughter get pregnant? Wouldn't a "good mom" know something was going on?
According to many members of this small town, blame had to be placed upon someone and in all three cases, it was the mom NOT the dad. Even in cases where the families were intact and both parents lived in the home, it was still the mother's fault. I find this to be an incredibly poignant question and discussion topic. As parents, we do the best we can. We hope our kid hits the toilet when he pees, we hope he says "please" and "thank you", we hope he'll grow to be kind and compassionate, we HOPE. We trust that we have taught right from wrong, we trust that our children will make the right decisions but sometimes they don't. No one is perfect. Parents aren't perfect. Children aren't perfect. Yet, when something goes wrong, there is a need for blame, for fault, and in most cases, no matter the infraction it is bestowed upon the mother. WHY??!!
Three very bright girls with promising futures made a decision to get pregnant together. Secretly. No one knew their plan, not even the boys involved. Not even their mothers. They did it because they wanted to. They loved children. They thought they could be good mothers. Heh. Their decision that one fateful day changed their lives forever and changed their small town.
January 24, 2013
On a whim, I picked this up, because it seemed like an interesting topic-- a handful of high school girls from a prestigious town become intentionally pregnant. The topic sounded familiar, and indeed it is. A couple of years ago, this happened in New England to over a dozen teenagers in the same school.
Along the same lines of Jodi Picoult, the topic takes your breath away-- almost any woman can insert herself into this story and test how it would feel to be in one of these many (about 15) female roles in novel. I found myself thinking about all these women well ever I had "turned off" the book.
However, the writing is a tad too literal (like a screenplay: "Susan got into the car...") and could be about 30% shorter per chapter if Delinsky would just stop DESCRIBING what everything LOOKS like. Sheesh. Leave that to the experts! And what's with all the knitting? Seemed like an awkward theme to me.
Most irritatingly, Delinsky takes the easy way out in the end. She never commits her main character, grandmother-to-be and school principal, Susan, to a particular side of the issue: is keeping her daughter's baby a good thing or a bad idea? A young mother herself, Susan is baffled at her daughter's choice to get pregnant so young, but feels she can hardly judge. At no point does Susan say, "Wow, sweetheart, you've acted like a completely selfish moron," which we know almost 99% of mothers would say to their own 17-year-old daughters in this situation, because it's entirely true. Everyone makes mistakes, but even PREGNANT teenagers need to be scolded, especially when their deliberate choices so catastrophically affect others.
Most disappointingly, I never really learned what's inside of the girls' heads who decided to get pregnant. Delinsky never looks much, since the focus is on the grandmothers. A shame really, because that's where the real story was.
Along the same lines of Jodi Picoult, the topic takes your breath away-- almost any woman can insert herself into this story and test how it would feel to be in one of these many (about 15) female roles in novel. I found myself thinking about all these women well ever I had "turned off" the book.
However, the writing is a tad too literal (like a screenplay: "Susan got into the car...") and could be about 30% shorter per chapter if Delinsky would just stop DESCRIBING what everything LOOKS like. Sheesh. Leave that to the experts! And what's with all the knitting? Seemed like an awkward theme to me.
Most irritatingly, Delinsky takes the easy way out in the end. She never commits her main character, grandmother-to-be and school principal, Susan, to a particular side of the issue: is keeping her daughter's baby a good thing or a bad idea? A young mother herself, Susan is baffled at her daughter's choice to get pregnant so young, but feels she can hardly judge. At no point does Susan say, "Wow, sweetheart, you've acted like a completely selfish moron," which we know almost 99% of mothers would say to their own 17-year-old daughters in this situation, because it's entirely true. Everyone makes mistakes, but even PREGNANT teenagers need to be scolded, especially when their deliberate choices so catastrophically affect others.
Most disappointingly, I never really learned what's inside of the girls' heads who decided to get pregnant. Delinsky never looks much, since the focus is on the grandmothers. A shame really, because that's where the real story was.
January 1, 2012
I cannot say I fully enjoyed this one as much as I wanted to, but I didnt hate it either.
A first for me from this author and I really was expecting more from it because of the subject matter, and it did start off well, but didnt get quite as good as what I was expecting.
I didnt read any previous reviews of this so didnt realise it had so many mixed reviews, so I went into this not knowing what to expect, but somehow expected more.
It wasnt the writing style so much, but the characters. I really did NOT like the characters of the young girls. I am only in my mid 20s but I do have sisters of similar age of the characters and I honestly do not think they are as stupid as the teenage girls are in this book. In fact I wanted to bang the girls heads together. I mean, babysitting as a summer job, how does that make you think you will be a good mother? I used to babysit for the kids in my street as well as my 4 younger sisters...trust me if anything it put me off kids for a bit.
But saying that I really enjoyed the relationship between the mothers, their friendship and how what their daughters did affected their whole lives. I thought it was extremely unfair how everyone attacked Susan but you couldnt help but understand where people were coming from.
The pregnancy pact is an interesting story angle and unfortunately probably does happen, but I would have liked to have gone into this in more detail. The conversation that took place between the girls and how they finally made up their minds to do it. Maybe it would have made me like them more but with the parts to this book, I couldnt relate and I didnt like any of the girls.
I wouldnt rule out reading any more of this authors books but I am not going to rush out and buy any either.
A first for me from this author and I really was expecting more from it because of the subject matter, and it did start off well, but didnt get quite as good as what I was expecting.
I didnt read any previous reviews of this so didnt realise it had so many mixed reviews, so I went into this not knowing what to expect, but somehow expected more.
It wasnt the writing style so much, but the characters. I really did NOT like the characters of the young girls. I am only in my mid 20s but I do have sisters of similar age of the characters and I honestly do not think they are as stupid as the teenage girls are in this book. In fact I wanted to bang the girls heads together. I mean, babysitting as a summer job, how does that make you think you will be a good mother? I used to babysit for the kids in my street as well as my 4 younger sisters...trust me if anything it put me off kids for a bit.
But saying that I really enjoyed the relationship between the mothers, their friendship and how what their daughters did affected their whole lives. I thought it was extremely unfair how everyone attacked Susan but you couldnt help but understand where people were coming from.
The pregnancy pact is an interesting story angle and unfortunately probably does happen, but I would have liked to have gone into this in more detail. The conversation that took place between the girls and how they finally made up their minds to do it. Maybe it would have made me like them more but with the parts to this book, I couldnt relate and I didnt like any of the girls.
I wouldnt rule out reading any more of this authors books but I am not going to rush out and buy any either.
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