How to Be a Lady: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy

GentleManners Books

by Candace Simpson-Giles

Whether a woman is a contractor, a stay-at-home mother, or a high-powered attorney, the suggestions in How to Be a Lady will cause others to think, "Wow! She's got it all together!"

If a lady is on a diet, she does not speak of it at the table. A lady never eats a meal while behind the wheel of a car. A lady makes it a point to know the names of the teams playing in the Super Bowl.

The roles women play in society today are drastically different than they were 25 years ago, and some of the rules are different as well. Patterned after the successful How to Be a Gentleman, How to Be a Lady is a practical book of etiquette that is not snobbish, boring or intimidating. It is designed for a new century by discussing such issues as how to dress for the workplace, the importance of knowing self defense, and how to tactfully ask for the sexual history of a person with whom a lady is considering an intimate relationship.

Genres: Nonfiction, Reference, Self Help, Womens, Philosophy, How To, Parenting

154 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[d4 · Rating 1 out of 5]

This should be renamed How to be a Doormat--despite the book declaring that a lady should not be a doormat. For every piece of sound, common sense advice offered there is another to contradict it. Don't be a doormat, but also, don't express opinions with which someone might not agree and never decline any invitation. Besides this are trivial tidbits such as: A lady makes it a point to know the names of the teams playing in the Super Bowl. Seriously? There are a few helpful reminders to get frequent breast exams and take self-defense classes, but how any of that belongs in a book on manners evades my understanding.

[Sommer Melody · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this book last christmas from my dad. I thought he was joking, I just gave him a blank stare.

[Rebekah · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was helpful to read a book on ettiquette from a modern perspective (since some common courtesies are becoming obsolete or no longer necessary). However, I didn't care for all the ettiquette relating to parties and drinking wine and alcohol - because I don't drink, and I don't believe drinking alcoholic beverages is biblical. With all that being said... I did enjoy this helpful little book, and I think young women as a whole should make more if an effort to be a lady! Our society needs Christian girls to grow up and be proper ladies!

[Margot · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this little book both offensive and amusing in turns. Not to say there's not some useful stuff in here about how ALL people should behave in the world and toward one another, but it just reminded me too much of the woman's place in the world as the giver. She should give give give and never expect to receive anything in return. That is her place, so just deal with it. Eurgh.

This book is made up of little sound bites of Lady characteristics and common sense advice like:

"If a lady must excuse herself from the dinner table, she simply says, 'Excuse me.' No further explanation is necessary."

"A lady returns any item she borrows in a timely manner and in the same condition she received it."

"A lady never makes a date out of desperation."

These little quotables are broken up with a few larger sections on topics such as attending a funeral, how to make introductions, how to set a dinner table, and meeting the Pope.

Like I said, common sense--well, except for the silliness about meeting the Pope, or the President, etc. But the general manners and behavior stuff is really applicable to everybody. I guess it's the part where they specify that it's just for Ladies (oh, how we love double-standards) that gets my feminist streak to gnashing its teeth.

[Maryam Nada · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is one of the most f-ed up books i have ever experienced.

[Rhonda · Rating 2 out of 5]

...a practical book of etiquette, written in 2001, and is not so old-fashioned...contains lots of good info on lots of different situations...sometimes we forget how to be a "lady" and so many times our behavior is so casual anymore, but it would sure be nice if women at least "knew" how to behave in every situation, and it would be refreshing if they actually DID it again.
"A lady," says the author, "knows that beauty can fade and wealth can leave her, but her character is the lasting marker by which others will judge her...Being called a lady is perhaps the highest compliment a woman can receive."
Chapters include:
how to dress, going to dinner, giving and going to a party, at the office, taking care of herself, etc.
and topics range from which fork to use, how to deal with unmarried couples, taking a gift, your purse, your boss, taking a flight on a plane, email, thank-you notes to taking care of yourself.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version of this book while strolling through my neighborhood.

The book is a laundry list of basic manners. I'd love to say that these "common courtesies" were common sense, but given my interactions with people today this book could be highly useful to a lot of young women. I enjoyed the list and even noted when in my past I learned this rule or that.
I think the book would make a great gift to anyone just getting started on their own, or for anyone looking for guidance on how to start building a classy identity.
I'd call it the preschooler's guide to manners. A great place to start, but a far cry from the more complicated etiquette scenarios that are tackled by the Emily Post Institute's podcast and books.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of this is obvious but it never hurts to brush up. Especially with such fabulosity as this:
"When a guest behaves less than mannerly, a lady endures the actions of her guest, but she remembers those actions the next time she makes out her guest list."
(aka, a true lady knows how to embody the qualities of endurance and vengeance - with grace)

[Katalina Cabral-Olivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just adore this book. I wish books like this would be required reading for all of our young teenage girls today. It's a lovely breath of fresh air to read this book aloud to my daughter.

[Cindy aka "The Book Fairy" · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of helpful info ;pleasant reading :)

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

such a cute read! I love books on etiquette and social “rules” and cues.

[Shannon Evanko]

I’ve been reading a line or two from this every day for a while. It’s pretty funny, to me, and mostly common sense etiquette. Some of it is definitely “outdated” today. But if you were raised in the south, you probably know most of it.

[Bell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a cute read! Some of the rules might be out of league for me, but it definitely gave me some great insight on how to act in certain awkward or proper situations, and was very informative in an entertaining way!

I highly recommend the audiobook on Audible, I finished it in a few hours and was kept entertained!

[Giang Tran · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, this is a quick read book. I finished reading it while standing at the bookstore.

I did learn one useful tip or two from the book.
For example: How to introduce people, or how to bring gift. You should bring flowers or wine to a dinner, some food or home-made dishes to holiday party, and a sustainable gift like a kitchen tool for long stay at weekend...
While I found some social manners are accurate and useful, I think the rest of the book, those "a-lady-shouldn't-do" are a bunch of crap. (should a lady say "crap"?): a lady shouldn't have a strong opinion, a lady shouldn't talk about sensitive topics, a lady shouldn't leave a boring date...

Although the book does tell you how to behave in social circumstances, I think those behaviours are too polite for intimacy relationships.

Help yourself, take what you need, let the rest be.

[Stacie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Overall I did not like this book at all, but that does not mean the information contained in it was totally useless. in fact, this book should have been re-titled and geared toward all younger folks (ladies and gents) as a primer on good manners and common sense Perhaps the author was just pandering to a specific demographic? Who knows. Also there was nothing contemporary about the information or how it was conveyed. I specifically disliked how nearly every other sentence started with "A lady will always/never...." If the information had been presented in a different way, I might have liked the book more and believe it would appeal to a larger audience.

[Rachel Tien Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars (for a young self).

I was gifted this book on a December day when I was turning 18. My whole life I was growing up in a conservative household when man are valued more than woman. Still, I didn't find this book offensive.

This book teaches you the most basic etiquette on how to eat, seat, enter a room, overall how to be gracious. This book is a 5 stars for younger teens, but maybe a 2 stars for grown-ups? The author states the basics and it was easy and quick to read. A quick summary: have common sense.

[Davina · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is repetitive. The work is poorly organized, as it seem to move from thought to thought and topic to topic without rhyme or reason. The author also fails to provide guidance and definition on a great deal of her remarks, making them frustrating and unworkable. If you're reading a book about manners and courtesy, you may want to carefully define what proper business attire should look like rather than require that a "Lady should know." The insane thing is, I want to read her book for men, just to see what they are told.

[Betzy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was expecting to read something related to etiquette, but I found pretty basic tips, wich are valuable. However it was nothing I did not know. I liked it anyways, it served as a reminder.

Nevertheless, at points, of the pieces of advice were reppetitive and most of the book could be summarized as:

1. A lady should have common sense.
2. A lady should be gracious at every moment.

(A lady must know the SuperBowl teams playing? Really?)

[Rosalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

quick, easy, simple to read and understand. the lost art of poise and politeness is still alive and well in this time. i may not agree with every point, but find it a nice structure and idea to hold to.

[Siskiyou-Suzy · Rating 1 out of 5]

The kind of book that says stuff like, "A lady knows when to leave," but then doesn't tell you when to leave. Like, if I already could just like, trust my instinct, or something, I wouldn't need to read a book about etiquette. I hate books like this. Non-books.

[Angela · Rating 1 out of 5]

While this book does have some good reminders, and a few good comments on manners, overall it is just a list - with very loose connections - that repeats itself, contradicts itself, and basically treats ladies as fluff who can't possibly have any manners. I was pretty disappointed all around.

[Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE NAME OF THIS BOOK FOR SO SO SO LONG YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA. HOLY SMOKES. i found the title embedded in my review for Artemis by Andy Weir, of all places (FANTASTICALLY ironic isn’t it? Book with ties to ARTEMIS reminds me of the Little Pocket Guide to Internalized Misogyny), and immediately popped over here to add this one to my collection of read books.

Story time/why I’ve been searching for this title for years: I read this years ago, back in my undergrad, sometime around 2018 I think?? (Dates listed in Goodreads are estimated.) Found a copy tucked into some shadowy corner of the university library, and, being the undeclared major with anthropology leanings that I was, I picked it up to browse through and gather data about western conceptions of femininity. This book did not disappoint. It is PACKED full of all the things women are meant to do and be, contradictions and all. It also demonstrates remarkably little self-reflection or critical thinking in the implications of the suggested behaviors and attitudes to which women ought aspire. Similarly, it does not dare look any minority cultural ideas in the eye. Naturally.

I knew all this to be true going in, or at least, I assumed as much given the whole title and presentation and design and everything. But to see all these ideas about what a woman ought to be compressed so neatly into one volume?? To see them shared as raw data points to be collected by readers and stored in some vat of the mind tasked with designing the publicly-viewable self? To see all the criticisms I had experienced written out on the page and attributed to this condition of Being A Woman rather than some inherent flaw of my person specifically? To see some of the origins of misogyny expressed as societal givens for people of good graces?? All of it rewired my brain so fundamentally that I have never seen myself or my world in the same way since reading this.

As a book itself, again, it’s not self-reflective, does not make efforts to integrate ideas, and reads like your mom shooting you annoyed looks at the thanksgiving table because you made some minor misstep that reads to her like a war declaration. It’s not great. I don’t recommend reading it with the intent to change yourself or your actions to become more womanly.

I do, however, recommend reading this if you grapple with you sense of femininity in a culture (familial or otherwise) that wants to tear you down for demonstrating any proof of life. It’s weirdly reassuring seeing a presentation of the implicit rules of being a woman, for which any violation leads to cruel moments that the commenter cannot find ways of justifying. It’s almost… nice? To see the horrible things people have said about you written on a page in a book that quite clearly sets impossible standards for the modern woman. It’s like seeing someone say “I hate your existence!” followed immediately by “I love kicking puppies!” The badness of the latter discredits the speaker enough to make the former seem less crushing. This horrible, wonderful little book made me feel *less alone* about my pervasive sense of guilt and sadness about the expectations placed on myself and other women BECAUSE it was so insane!

Please do note, if any part of this review this has resonated with you at all, you’ll probably still hate this book the whole way through though be abuse it is very very steeped in misogyny. To remedy this and make the reading experience more palatable, I recommend reading with a journal or a friend to talk to so that you can occasionally stop and say “what the LITERAL fuck” and work through some personal trauma.

Would give zero stars for the DEEP misogyny, but I am giving two for the ways his book has helped me overcome my own internalized misogyny.

[Lainey · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars for entertainment purposes. 🙌 when I saw this at my library's book sale (and it was the "revised and expanded edition" from 2012). I flipped through it briefly at the library and figured I could get some laughs out of it, and the title interested me. For a lot of the book, I felt like I was stepping into the 1950s or something. So that's what entertained me as a pretty laid back 26 year old woman- caught between a millennial and Gen Zer. I thought since they did try to apply it to modern situations that have changed in our country from 2001 to 2012 that it must be from the perspective of someone like Emily Gilmore from Gilmore girls😅.

I will say there were some pieces of good advice and things that were good to know/ applicable (although a lot were common sense). But it's a quick and easy read, and it's worth, if nothing else, the laughter. If you are much older than me, you might feel differently, but that's just what I got from it.

This book: "A Lady Does not raise her voice when angry. It is only proper to shout at someone when he or she is in danger or about to score a touchdown."
" A lady makes it a point to know the names of the teams playing in the Super Bowl."

Me texting my dad this quote and trying to make a joke: "It's gonna be the New York Rangers and the Louisville Cardinals this year, right?😏"

[Esha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was excited to read the book because I wanted to know more about how to be a better lady. But it didn’t really meet my expectations. The book is about basic etiquette and it was quite helpful. But I didn’t like ‘lady’ it painted- someone stoic and not allowed to make mistakes or be spontaneous. The ‘lady’ is just too nice. Also, the points were a bit scattered. One minute we are talking about a lady hosting a dinner and the next, we are talking about her fashion sense. I feel it could have been more organized.

[Emma Sotomayor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers a complete guide to ladylike behavior, from how to politely decline an invitation to work etiquette and rules for hosting parties. It more or less covers most situations a woman would find herself in, and gently educates in polite behavior while offering practical examples and tips.

I really appreciated how this book balanced old-fashioned good manners with modern situations women deal with every day. It was an inspiration to read about the many ways I can still be classy and polite in a modern age that most decidedly is not.

[Kweku Ananse Mansoh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe the women empowerment singers should teach young ladies, especially those from my country GHANA to learn to be ladies first. Than the image they so much fight for with impudence will follow smoothly.

Ladies have become rare out here. Mere compliments are taken out of context.

Ok. I'm weaving my web.

[Lauren Carrington · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really lovely and easy to read reminder of ways to be courteous. I suppose it could all be summed up by "show respect and thoughtfulness to those around you," but I did appreciate tidbits like, if you begin a telephone call, it is your responsibility to end it. Would make an excellent gift for a young teenage girl.

[Lydia · Rating 1 out of 5]

The most informative parts are almost word for word similar to How to Be a Gentleman yet this book is shorter. Everything else is a list of many ways women should consider everyone else before their own needs with a silent smile. Not being late is mentioned a couple dozen times.

[Sedudzinam Awoonor-Sefe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well it’s not that bad,it does talk about the basic stuff.The issue is that it was written according to the trends of the then era . Some of the issues dealt with does not apply in this generation however it’s still helpful.

[Natalie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The information is alright, I suppose, but this book so poorly edited that I would not recommend it. The entire book consists of 2-3 sentence blurbs on various etiquette "rules" in no discernible order. There were numerous font discrepancies, duplicated paragraphs, and a lot of typos.