Ties That Bind, Ties That Break

by Lensey Namioka

Third Sister in the Tao family, Ailin has watched her two older sisters go through the painful process of having their feet bound. In China in 1911, all the women of good families follow this ancient tradition. But Ailin loves to run away from her governess and play games with her male cousins. Knowing she will never run again once her feet are bound, Ailin rebels and refuses to follow this torturous tradition.

As a result, however, the family of her intended husband breaks their marriage agreement. And as she enters adolescence, Ailin finds that her family is no longer willing to support her. Chinese society leaves few options for a single woman of good family, but with a bold conviction and an indomitable spirit, Ailin is determined to forge her own destiny. Her story is a tribute to all those women whose courage created new options for the generations who came after them.

Genres: Historical Fiction, Young Adult, Fiction, Historical, China, School, Cultural

154 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Namioka was born in Beijing, the daughter of linguist Yuenren Chao and physician Buwei Yang Chao. The family moved often in China. In 1937, the Chaos were living in Nanjing, and fled westward in the face of the Japanese Invasion. They eventually made their way to Hawaii, then Cambridge, Massachusetts. Namioka attended grade school in Cambridge and excelled at mathematics.

Namioka attended University of California, Berkeley, where her father was a professor of Asian Studies. Here she met and married Isaac Namioka, a fellow graduate student in mathematics. The Namiokas moved to Ithaca, New York, where Isaac Namioka taught at Cornell University, and Lensey Namioka taught at Wells College.

In 1959, the Namiokas' first daughter Aki was born, followed by a second daughter Michi, who was born in 1961. The family moved to Seattle in 1963, when Isaac Namioka accepted a position at the University of Washington.

In the 1970s, on a visit to Japan, Namioka visited Namioka Castle. The experience inspired her to learn more about the samurai. This study culminated in The Samurai and the Long-nosed Devils, which was published in 1976. Namioka expanded this book into a whole series of books about samurai. Namioka also wrote a series of books about a Chinese American family named Yang, and several books about young women and girls facing difficult choices.

Lensey Namioka is the only person known to have the first name "Lensey." Her name has an especially unusual property for a Chinese person born in China: there are no Chinese characters to represent it. Lensey's father, Yuenren Chao, was cataloguing all of the phonemes used in Chinese. He noted that there were two syllables which were possible in the Chinese language, but which were used in no Chinese words. These syllables could be written in English as "len" and "sey." His third daughter was born soon after, and he named her "Lensey."

Reviews

[Meisha (ALittleReader) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this my freshman year of high school and remember the images and story telling of the binding really freaking me out. The idea of feet binding scared me. But I also remember loving getting to learn about another countries history other than our own!

[Julie S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This young Chinese girl decides that she did not want to have her feet painfully bound, going against tradition. This novel takes us through her struggles and accomplishments that come as a result of this choice.

The main character was strong, so I found myself rooting for her quite early in the book. It is always nice to see strong female characters.

It was very interesting to see a book that dealt with Chinese culture without mocking it or being over-awed at it. This seemed to look at it through a clear lense, one that showed a reality.

This book really had a zoomed-in view of the question "what is beauty?". In different times and cultures, the standards of beauty have drastically varied. It makes me wonder what future generations will say of our attempts to make ourselves more attractive:

Fake tanning? Why would you pay to give yourself skin cancer and premature wrinkles?

High heels? Aren't they just super hard to walk in?

and so on.

[Ashlee Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

"I was no delicate shoot buried in the sand. I was a stalk of bamboo, strong enough to stand against wind and snow.”

Chinese society in 1925 left few options for a single woman borne of a respectable family. She could marry well, join a nunnery, or become a concubine. However, Ailin Tao’s bold conviction and indefatigable spirit not to conform allowed her to forge her own path. To stand proudly, courageously, on her two big, unbound feet. Running freely, unraveling her own desires, and learning about the broader world in the process, she helped pave the way for all the female generations that would come after her.

What a fascinating look into Chinese history and tradition! What a tribute to evolving thoughts, to changing customs!

Though the narration is short and simplistic, the story is no less illustrative for it. You still get a real sense of the ideology behind foot-binding—from natives, from foreigners, as well as arguments ‘for’ and ‘against.’

[Hillary Wong · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book talks about foot binding, which is a tradition in the 1910s that women had to go through. From this book, I understood how hard and how painful it is to go through this. I think the theme for this book is Be True. The main character needs to get her foot bound, but she was never the type of person that is quiet and listens to whatever people say. She is wild, energetic, and very loud. While they are quiet, peaceful, and do everything the elders say. But when she has to face binding her feet, she knows that she either does it and be like everyone else or don't bind her feet and leave her home.

[Trisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one was a freebie from Audible. The plot is set in the year 1911 when foot-binding was a mandatory practice for Chinese women. Ailin, third daughter of a rich Chinese family resists getting her feet bound, a decision which is supported by her father inspite of the disapproval from her mother. The whole story is narrated by a now grown-up Ailin as a flashback who looks back and confirms how that one small decision changed the course of her life. I found the book quite interesting since I had never read anything about foot binding before, also it had brief information about China’s political situation in the early 20th century. The narration was particularly good - can’t recall the name of the narrator now. The only negative was the writing which was too elementary, probably because it’s basically a coming of age story. But considering its short duration, I’ll recommend it for light reading listening! 🤓

3.5/5🌟(rounded down).

[Jultri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting era and topic - young girl growing up in 1920s China asserting her independence in a paternalistic society and later moving to San Francisco with her American missionary employers. Unfortunately, the plot and prose are rather simplistic and lacking in details beyond basic historical facts. It’s pretty short. Probably targeting a teenaged audience more.

Pleasant narration.

[Tegan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember reading this and being shocked, I had no idea that this happened. It's been awhile since I've read this, but it has stuck with me. I definitely need to re-read it.

[Paige_y · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ties That Bind, Ties That Break
By: Paige Y.
The title of my book is Ties That Bind, Ties That Break by Lensey Namioka. This book is definitely something worth reading, and I recommend this to anyone who loves reading historical fiction. The three main reasons I would recommend this book is one it gives the reader a different perspective of religion and how unreasonable or harsh it may be. Two, it is a very moving story with lots of detail that make it easy to follow. Three, it is very inspiring because she rebelled against religion and wrote her own story.
A quote from the book that really shows how unreasonably and harsh religion is: ‘“My fiances family broke our engagement because of my feet,” I confessed to Xueyan. “My mother is afraid nobody will marry me now. “’ I think that just because she doesn't have bound feet doesn’t mean that she is disgracing her family even if it is religion. I think that it is amazing that she stood up for what she believes in, and I think it is unreasonably that her fiances family broke her engagement just because of her feet. That is so unfair and unbelievable that just because someone has big feet that means that she in unsuitably to marry. Another direct passage is: ‘“You’re the last person to talk about disgracing the Tao family!” cried Big Uncle. “By refusing to have your feet bound, you've made it impossible for us to arrange a decent marriage for you!”’ I believe that someone who wants to truly marry you should want to marry you because of your personality, not your feet. Ailin, the main character, was very brave to rebel against tradition and follow her dreams, and I think that by following her dreams, she ended up in a much better place than anyone thought she would end up in.
This story is also very moving and a direct passage to support my thought is: ‘“We have confidence in your capability,” Mr. Warner said. “You’ve shown great skill in handling the children.” Mr. Warner was not a person who was flattered, and I knew he was sincere.”’ This to me is very moving because she is trusted by someone who she thought she couldn't trust for a while. I would be very honored if I was trusted with someone else’s children. Another example of this is: “Ailin’s little brother gets to go to a missionary school.” This is very moving because their grandmother thought that school was useless and a waste of time. Also her father died, so their mean uncle is in charge and he thought that school was a waste of time as well. So letting her little brother go to school is an amazing opportunity and he is doing what his father would want him to do. People don’t even know how lucky they are to be able to go to school, Ailin and her little brother wanted to go to school so badly so having to get the chance is very moving to me.
This book was also very inspiring and a quote to support that is: “One evening, when I was nine years old, Father made an announcement. ‘“I am going to enroll Ailin in a public school.”’ I think this is very inspiring because girls weren't allowed to go to school in 1911 and her father let her. Even though the other members of her family didn't approve of the idea, her father was supporting her every step of the way. Another example to support my idea is: “Generations of girls had to suffer excruciating pain because of somebody unknown had decreed that big feet were unacceptable in upper class society. It was high time that somebody tried to stop this senseless practice. I was proud that Xueyan and I were among the first to rebel.” I think this is inspiring because Ailin is right, this is senseless and unreasonable. I think that it is great and amazing that she is rebelling against this horrible practice because she believes in herself and she believes that she has to tell everyone that this needs to stop.
Once again, I recommend this book to anyone who loves historical fiction or just loves a good book to read. So go and get this book because you won’t regret reading this amazing, inspiring, and moving story. I promise you, you won’t be able to put this book down.

[Ariss · Rating 5 out of 5]

The year is 1911, in China young girls are expected to bound their feet, a disgusting, painful process. Ailin, a five year old free spirit, goes against her mother and uncle making her, would have been easy and boring, life hard and exciting. I read this book when my teacher recommended it to me. Ailin is a character who is very easy to relate to and you begin to feel like you are in the story and you feel for all the characters. It took me two days to read this interesting novel.

Tao Ailin,the third sister of the Taos an upper-class Chinese family, has seen what foot-binding has done to the women around her. She wants to run and play like boys her age but cannot do so if she has her feet bound. when she refuses, she breaks custom causes a tremendous uproar in the family. Leaving her to deal with the consequences. When her engagement is broken she decides she want’s to attend a school run by American missionaries with her fathers support in both going to school and not having to go to school she is very happy. When her father dies her uncle pulls her out of school and gives her the choice to be a concubine to a second brother with two wives, a nun, or a wife of a lower class farmer because she has “big feet” she rejects all and she becomes an amah, a caretaker of children, for two missionaries and their kids. when faced with the choose to either stay in China with the family that has disowned her or go to America, she comes to America, where she knows that the life is hard but for her it’s with it. In the end she see her ex fiancé and claims that she has loved the life she's lived and is very happy.


It is a great book. Very cultural, emotional and very appealing to any independent girl. If you are a person who enjoys rebellious headstrong girls or stories with a lot of culture this is the book for you.

[Shaeley Santiago · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ailin breaks with tradition when she refuses to have her feet bound. Set in San Francisco and Nanjing, China in the early 1900's, the story explores the changing role of Chinese women at that time.

[Meg GlitteryOtters · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book.a coming of age story. Girl power, strong protagonist, a little bit of romance. Great read.

[Ivy · Rating 4 out of 5]

An impressing short read about an interesting era and topic.

Ailin, a young girl in 1911 China, refuses to have her feet bound painfully. Chosing to go against a tradition all women of good families follow changes the course of her life, as the family of her intended husband breaks the marriage agreement and soon her family is no longer willing to support her. Society leaves very few options for a single woman...

I wasn't too familiar with this tradition, did some research and wow. I guess it's different times, different culture, different standards of beauty. But still, for thousand years?

I was impressed by her father, open for change but bound to tradition himself, standing up for her. And I was unpleasantly surprised to read about the females being strict and insisting to let this torture continue. But this is also something I often realize when reading about patriarchal structures.

Ailin is a strong female character and her story of struggles and accomplishments is a "tribute to all women whose courage created new options for the following generations".

Would definitely recommend, especially for those who don't know much about chinese culture.

[Jessical · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ties That Bind, Ties That Break
By: Jessica L
The title of my book is Ties That Bind, Ties That Break. This book is written by Lensey Namioka. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who loves historical fiction. The three main reasons why I would recommend this book are that the book was very emotional and moving, there were many adventures and struggles the characters go though, and lastly the storyline was very inspiring.
A very emotional time in the book was when the father of the main character, Ailin, died. She did not know what this meant until her sister brought it up.
“Second Sister’s voice was shaky, “Ailin you’ll have to think about what you will do when Father…when Father is no longer here to support you.”
This quote described the moment when Ailin’s Second Sister came to visit her father. Although Ailin lives with her Father she was oblivious to the fact that her father’s health was failing quickly. Ailin’s father was the only person that was supporting her education and choices. Earlier in the book, Ailin refused to have her feet bound because she loved running around and being free. Everyone in her family did not approve of her decision, except her father. And once he died, all her emotions just flowed out of her. I really felt her sorrow.
But this moment was just the first of many difficult moments in her life. Ailin’s life was full of adventures and struggles. After she decided to keep her big feet, her fiancé’s family broke off their engagement. She knew she no longer had a promising future. Her choices were to become a concubine, a nun, or a farmer’s wife. But instead she became an amah, or a nanny.
“I’ve decided to go and work as an amah for an American missionary family […] I thought it less disgraceful to the family name than becoming a concubine of the Fengs.”
This quote described the time when Ailin told her “Big Uncle” she was not accepting any of the choices he planned for. When she moved in with them she was not accustomed to their living styles or their clothing. But Ailin eventually caught on and started to live like an American.
And lastly, this book was very inspiring. It describes how Ailin rebelled against traditions and stayed true to herself. SPOILER ALERT: Although she had a tough childhood, she ended up being happy. But she was not the only one who rebelled. When she was in school, she met a girl her age named Xueyan. She also had big feet, but that did not stop her from chasing her dreams.
“My fiancé’s family broke off our engagement because of my feet,” I confessed to Xueyan. […]
“What’s so bad about that? I don’t intend to get married at all. After finishing this school, I’m going to study medicine and become a doctor. Then I won’t need a husband to support me.”
Xueyan did not care what tradition stated, she did not even want to get married! She was a very motivating character. I admired how she decided her own destiny and did not follow the life that was chosen for her.
I hope this book review encourages you to read this book! Although it is quite sad and emotional, it is also very moving and inspiring. This truly is a wonderful book.

[Linda Lipko · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book represents many things that I love about Young Adult fiction. There is depth of feeling, a large coming of age component, and a seriousness about the subject matter that is relative to all generations.

The setting is China in 1917 when there were incredibly strict social and cultural rules of tradition.
Wise beyond her age, high-spirited, spunky and stubborn five year old Allin is a member of a wealthy family wherein marriages are arranged according to socioeconomic standards.

The Tao family has a unique opportunity to broker a marriage for Allin to a young man from a wealthier family. However, as is the custom, the binding of feet is a necessary requisite to prove class and wealth. Because, only peasants have "big feet."

There is a wonderful weaving of historical conflict of China in great change as Western philosophies are perecieved as either eroding the culture, or moving the country forward from a secluded, claustrophobic nation.

Vehement in her unwillingness to have her feet bound and to succumb to her perceived degradation her grandmother, mother and sister experienced in this process, with her father's support, Allin is successful in averting this occurrence.

However, there is a steep price to pay because this renders Allin unacceptable for marriage to a wealthy family. Thus, the ties that bind the rich culture of the Tao family are riven with anguish. Their daughter and family are now shamed.

Through trial and tribulation Allin literally learns to walk on her own two feet.

Highly recommended!

[W.H. Beck · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ailin, the third daughter of a wealthy Chinese family in Nanjing in 1911, is smart, headstrong, and slightly spoiled. When she is five, she fights at having her feet bound. Her mother and grandmother are horrified, while her older sister is sympathetic. Her father surprises them all.

"Ailin doesn't have to have her feet bound if she doesn't want it."

"She's too young to understand the consequences," said Mother.

"But I understand the consequences," said Father.

Indeed, her father does understand that China is changing, and that maybe Ailin's world will look much different than his. Ailin keeps her spunk and spirit as she learns English, stands up to Big Uncle, and finally gains a kind of independence that no other woman in her family has ever dreamt of, bound feet or not.

I'm headed to China in August, so I'm reading up all the books I'm coming across so I can share my trip with my students in the fall.

[Yaxuan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ailin, a five-year old girl living in China at the year 1911. She faces the wrath of her family, because girls from wealthy families had to have bind feet. Salva, an eleven-year old living in Southern Sudan, is undergoing the pressure of war between two countries and losses of his dear ones. Though these two characters and their stories can seem quite distinct, a common ground is found between the two.
Glancing carefully back at the books "A Long Walk To Water" and "Ties That Bind, Ties That Break," one can definitely detect that these memorable historical fictions have something alike that makes them so inspiring. They both share a moral, one stating that all determined people can change their own destiny if they work hard enough for it, just like Ailin and Salva did.
In Ailin's story, she was encouraged by her family to have bind feet, because it kept your foot small and dainty, the words which were the perfect decription of fair ladies in the early 19's(China). She, however, saw what all her female relatives were going through and hated what they did. She loved her freedom and vowed to herself that she would never have her feet bind. Years later, she goes to America with a foregin family and decides to stay after finding her lover over there. I'd say that there was quite a bit of a feminist side to the story, because most of the book was about Ailin overcoming the shame of having large feet in (Chinese)society.
In Salva's story, though, it was rather about a child who struggled through extremly rough conditions and a heartbreakingly sad childhood. Despite all the tests life threw at him, Salva manage to make it through his journey, one that was remarkably extraodinary. After being reunited with his family and being safe from the war, Salva managed to start a foundation that provided water for Southern Sudanese people. ALWTW was an outstanding story telling people to work hard towards their goals, with a bit of history in it.
All in all, the two books are significant tales with the theme that one can reach goals by working hard. I would probably recommend them to people if they asked me for books motivating you to reach high for the goals you want to achieve. Who knows? Maybe one day, one of us would reach goals that can change everyone's lives, leaving their mark on the world.

[Iva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though this is an YA novel, it gives a very real picture of growing up in a changing China. Footbinding is examined and explained. The main character (third daughter) is a rebel and manages to avoid having her feet bound. She knows she doesn't want a traditional and restricted life. She must create her own life. A good introduction to China for younger readers, but certainly an absorbing experience for those who want to know more about China's past.

[Saskia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting story about power and control, identity and tradition within the culture of women/daughters and foot-binding in China.

It was rather like watching a play unfold vs. becoming attached to the characters, but it was an interesting story nevertheless. Weirdly, neither plot-driven nor character-driven ... theme-driven? Not sure.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

[R.J. White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, nice story

[Dominique D · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a book club book that I read during a shift at work. It was pretty good but felt a little repetitive. A solid 4.5 though!

[Sophie Kaster · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was not my favorite of all of the books I have read. I got bored while reading it and it was hard for me to read. Not because it was too advanced and hard to comprehend, just because it was boring. This book was about a girl who didn't get her feet bound. If you didn't know footbinding is when you break your toes and other foot bones to make them be very small. The reason for this is to show you are going to be married. Since she did not get her foot bound it led to some different problems.

One problem it led to was that the main character, Ailin, had to have her wedding called off because she refused to have her feet bound. She had liked Hanwei (the boy she was going to get married to) and Hanwei liked her back. Hanwei's family tried not to get the wedding called off, but that didn't happen which later was a conflict. Also, something you should probably know is that Japanese/Chinese girls are usually the ones getting their feet bound. The girls most likely will get their feet bound when they are five but their wedding arrangements are usually made when they are four to six. So Ailin was older than most kids when they got their feet bound.

I think that the protagonist is the Father in this book because he was all for what Ailin wanted to do such as going to school and not getting her feet bound. But I would say Big Uncle was the antagonist because once the father died he wanted to take her out of school and wanted everything to be traditional and for Ailin to live up to the family name.

One rising action event was when Ailin became an amah, or a nanny, for the Warners. The reason she became an amah was that Big Uncle was always giving ideas of how she could live up to the family name because her feet weren't bound, so she chose to become an amah. The way she knew the Warners was from Miss.Gilbertson, her old language arts teacher, who had been friends with them.

Ailin moving in with the Warners was also the climax. After Ailin took the job, she had to eat at different times that she wasn't used to. She also ended up moving to America with them, and she got married. You will have to read the book to find out the resolution.

The theme of this book would also be that you don't have to do what everyone else does and be stereotypical. You can be who you are and do what you want to! I do not understand why Lensey Namioka (the author) named this book “Ties that Bind, Ties that Break”. This is my good reads book review for “Ties that Bind, Ties that Break.” I hope that this review helped you decide whether or not you want to read this book.

[Kristyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about the foot bindings in ancient China. Long ago when a girl was still very young she would have her foot bound. Foot binding was a tradition that crippled girls, but small feet was considered fashionable. If your feet were unbound you were looked down upon since only girls who were farmers or very poor had unbound feet. With unbound feet you were garanteed to not make a good marriage. In this book it tells the story of a girl named Tao Ailin who refused to have her feet bound. Tao Ailin is from a wealthy and respectable family and was engaged to the son of another powerful family. When The mother of the son saw that Ailin's feet were unbound she insisted that Ailin have her feet bound as soon as possible. Ailin, of course refused so the lady broke off the engagement. Ailin later went to america and got married to the owner of a restarant. I really liked this book because it was very inspiring. It shows how a girl in China went against the tradition that had been around for hundreds of years.

[Lorena Aristizabal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Creo que no hay nada que me guste más (en términos literarios) que conocer una cultura por un libro.
Para mí, esta fue la primera vez en mi vida que miré concienzudamente la cultura china, y por ende fue un abrir los ojos a tradiciones y costumbres que ni siquiera sabía que existían, por primer vez fui más allá de la muralla.
Obviamente, como mujer, me parece un poderosísimo mensaje de reflexión ante las cargas tradicionales que se le endosan a las niñas y me llevó a pensar no solo la vida en China de ese momento, sino talvez la vida de mi abuela quien aún en un país tan distinto como el mío, sufrió cosas tan castrantes como las que leí en esta obra escrita al otro lado del mundo.
Es un libro que tiene una carga sentimental enorme para mí, y aunque han pasado 15 años desde la primera vez que lo leí, aún me transmite la misma emoción que sentí al dejarme envolver por su historia sentada a la orilla del lago de la Universidad del Valle.

[Hannah Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a beautiful, poetic book. I read this in my early teens when I was really into Asian culture, and was so in love with Ailin, the brave girl who refuses to have her feet bound, but only years later when I re-read it I understood how respectfully and delicately the author deals with this very controversial issue. It's never about being disrespectful to a culture, it's about a young girl who loves to run around and be free.

[Sarah F · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this with an advanced ESL class. I would not say that it is in any way a work of art; if anything, it's poorly written, all the characters two-dimensional, and the plot thin and at times confusing. However, my students (mostly Chinese) found it accessible and they certainly had plenty to say during discussions about the topics in the story. I don't even want to have to read it again, but I would use it again for class.

[Jaylin Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very good book. I honestly dont see much wrong with the book. Maybe at the end there could have been something telling about what with her friends and family and how their future turned out for them. If you want a book where it is "Man vs. Society" then this book is for you.

[Jas · Rating 4 out of 5]

read this in middle school and a few days later i got a super high fever. I started hallucinating that a bunch of people were in my house, trying to tie me down and bind my feet. i haven’t been the same since.

[amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

strong female protagonist defies age-old tradition and shows the patriarchy that women can be beautiful without adhering to the wretched aesthetic of tiny feet !

[Michelle Greiz · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars