Turbulent Priests

Dan Starkey #3

by Colin Bateman

Dan Starkey investigates the birth of a new Messiah on a small island off the coast of Ireland. Back together with his wife Patricia and the baby -- Little Stevie -- that resulted from her affair, Dan accepts a curious commission from Cardinal Daley to investigate the tiny island of Wrathlin, where the inhabitants appear to believe that the new Messiah has been born. The child in question turns out to be a girl called Christine, and the local population has become as defensive and generally crazy as the cast of The Crucible. At first it's just funny for Dan and Trish, but fairly soon the mood turns very much darker. Packed with Bateman's trademarket mixture of jokes, shocks and tenderness, Turbulent Priests is his best novel yet.

Genres: Fiction, Mystery, Humor, Audiobook, Comedy, Ireland, Crime

288 pages, Paperback

First published December 6, 1999

About the author

Colin Bateman was a journalist in Northern Ireland before becoming a full-time writer. His first novel, Divorcing Jack, won the Betty Trask Prize, and all his novels have been critically acclaimed. He wrote the screenplays for the feature films of Divorcing Jack, Crossmaheart and Wild About Harry. He lives in Northern Ireland with his family.

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another Bateman chilling but madcap romp, but with Dan Starkey in a somewhat different situation in both family and environment terms. He's on Wrathlin Island off the Antrim Close at the behest of a Cardinal concerned about a new Messiah and the island cult growing up around her. I'm not sure I enjoyed it quite as much as usual, perhaps its Wicker Man-esque plot is too familiar.

[Jayne Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was an exhilarating originality about this novel - an isolated community off the coast of Northern Ireland becomes convinced one of its number is the second coming of Christ. Journalist Dan Starkey arrives to investigate. It becomes clear that this is one of a series of books featuring Starkey, and given that I've not encountered him before it was a bit like crashing a party halfway through, but it was one where I felt welcome, and everything the reader needs to know about what has gone before is economically conveyed without disturbing the narrative. There's a lot of drinking (despite the fact that the island is "dry") and a lot of wisecracking. The humour reminded me of my husband - frequently corny to an almost unbearable degree, but amongst it some really cracking humour that makes wading through the corn that bit less painful. And you really have to applaud the one-liner at the end of chapter 20, whilst acknowledging the complexity of the scaffolding that had to be erected around it to permit it to be delivered.

I was hoping the book might bring me a tiny bit closer to understanding Northern Ireland and the whole religious divide. "Protestantism never has and never will be about religion" remarks Starkey in chapter 1. "It's about property and culture and spitting at Catholics". I was none the wiser, but that observation summed up in a nutshell everything about sectarianism that is baffling to outsiders.

I enjoyed the first half more than the second - there was a lot of good personality-driven plot and a lot of good humour. From halfway on, though, something happened. It became like a screenplay in waiting. Guns and fisticuffs and overwrought near-death experiences took over. Despite some pretty graphic action, you knew everything was going to be broadly OK: is the author really going to allow his serial character to be killed off? There are surely plenty more wisecracks to come.

[Jeff Hare · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dan Starkey - journalist, philanderer and borderline alcoholic - is given an assignment by the Catholic Church. Visit his old friend Father Flynn and document going ons at his parish with the soul intent discredit the man's claims. His claim being that the Messiah has come again to save our souls...and is a four year old girl called Christine.

Colin Bateman's journalist returns in another darkly comic romp. The Starkey ingredients are here; very funny lines, the occasional cheating on his long suffering partner Patricia and death. Lots of death.

The prose style is very good and keeps the novel rattling along. The author does on occasion forego the tension of the situation for a good one liner which can be distracting, however, in this novel, he is forgiven as this style of writing did lead to a random yet truly exceptional Bill Oddie joke I didnt see coming and yet laughed out loud at. Superb wordplay!

The finale is a little rushed and, to be honest, utterly absurd, but the journey to get to that point was so enjoyable the flawed logic of the finale is forgiven.

This is the third Starkey novel. I havent read the second one yet, but thoroughly enjoyed the first. Whilst I didnt enjoy this one quite as much and am acutely aware of quite a few plot holes, the reading experience and the witty dialogue were so good I am happy to give it a solid 4 out of 5.

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

not spectacular (or just not what i'm in the mood for at the moment). but if you've ever been curious about what male, northern irish humour is like, read some colin bateman. it's this odd mix of arrogance, self-deprecation, goofiness and sly wittiness. it's damned attractive, in a weird way.

[Jiří Pavlovský · Rating 3 out of 5]

Je celkem jasné, v čem spočívá síla Colina Batemana. V kombinaci humoru a absolutní nelítostnosti. Představte si, že čtete třeba Terryho Pratchetta, humoristický román plný celkem sympatických a komických figurek – a pak je jedna z těch figurek zahučí do masového hrobu a utopí se v vyteklých vnitřnostech a tělesných šťávách. Bateman hned prvním románem z téhle série dokázal, že v jeho literárním vozidle někdo odmontoval brzdy… a evidentně si je mezi knihami nestačil nechat znovu namontovat.

A tohle vypadá celkem mile. Hlavní hrdina dostane zakázku – prověřit příchod mesiáše. Ten se měl zjevit na malém irském ostrově a co víc, měla to být holka. Takže sebere svou manželku a čerstvě narozeného potomka (který není jeho, ale bohužel si nemají s manželkou co vyčítat) a vyrazí na idylický ostrov, aby tam sondoval, psal svůj velký román, a hlavně hodně chlastal.

Jenže, když dorazí na ostrov, zjistí, že tam berou Spasitele nějak moc vážně. Alkohol je zakázaný, televize taky… a i na knihy se dívají s lehkou nevolí. A bude hůř. To, co vypadalo jako rázovitá komedie se pomalu začíná měnit v křesťanskou verzi Wicker Mana. Nač tajuplné sekty, když si oficiální církev úplně vystačí?

Zpočátku jsem byl spíš rezervovanější, přišlo mi, že tím že to autor přesunul z Irska do uzavřeného panoptika, ztrácí kniha (ve srovnání s jedničkou) na tempu a satirickém ostří. Což zpočátku sice ztrácí, ale v druhé polovině knihy se to snaží usilovně dohnat.

S čím jsem měl problém (a koukám, že podobný problém jsem měl i s jeho řadou Mystery Man) je hrdina. Což může být moje ryze osobní věc, že jsem byl nabiflovaný, že hrdina nesmí být blbec. Tady je to přímo nesnesitelný kokot, který všechny okamžitě uráží (a často ne zase tak vtipně), není schopný nechat péro v kalhotách a vůbec se chová tak, že lidi kolem ani nepotřebují žádné velké důvody, aby ho chtěli zabít. Já vím, je tady rozdíl mezi anglickým a americkým humorem, kdy se Američani snaží, abyste jejich komediální hrdiny měli, i přes všechny defekty, rádi… kdežto angličtí autoři vás povzbuzují k tomu, abyste jejich postavy toužili přejet autem.

K českému vydání – přijde mi, že se překladatel fakt snažil, aby vytvářel solidní české ekvivalenty slovních hříček… a vydavatelé se snažili, aby tomu vymysleli co nejodpudivější obálku. Klasika.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an Irish thriller about the dangers of religious fanaticism, set in a small island community. A really compelling second half that keeps you guessing, and I can imagine it making a good film. Bateman is a very funny writer, although it's certainly not a 'light read' because there are some nasty murders in it. A birdwatcher character who is possibly Bill Oddie appears briefly - but probably a case of mistaken identity on the investigating hero's part. Good job too, because the poor old codger doesn't end well. I liked the role of the women, and I'm sure Bill would approve of the hedgehog's part in the denouement.
NB I said Kindle edition but actually I read the book online.

[Jim Bartlett · Rating 1 out of 5]

My 4th Bateman novel and I love the laugh out loud Irish black humour dialogue with original highly exaggerated and absurd characters( particularly the central character) and storylines
There is a fine balance in the writing of exaggerated characters into an exaggerated plot I find his writing curiously addictive , but I felt in this novel the story degenerated from the absurd and imaginative crime fiction into contrived rubbish. it will not stop me from reading more in the future and I take note that other readers liked the story

[Ruth Collier · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is just outright, ridiculous fun. A friend said to me 'it's not high literature' but you really don't want it to be. The protagonist is a bit of a bastard with a love of puns, the action is quick and ridiculous and the setting and plot are suitably quirky. There's a few smaller plot points that don't get fully explained, it moves too fast for that, but the ending still feels like everything's mostly wrapped up. And considering i hadn't read the earlier books, i didn't feel like i was missing out on much backstory.

[Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fast paced if implausible thriller. Bad boy journalist sent to remote island to write up a bio for a new Messiah. This one is called Christine and her mother is Moira.

He gets rather close to the Moira, and falls foul of the religious bigots on the island who are hell bent on creating another cult of the Madonna and baby. Dangerous - the locals all seem to have shotguns.

Think hot fuzz meets stepford wives.

A little far fetched and knowingly clever for me, but still an enjoyable read

[sburgwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally believable

Couldn't put it down. Read it in two sessions. First Dan Starkey novel that I've read but Will probably read the lot now.

[Gregory Totman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Religious nutters on a booze starved island ! Crazy stuff

[Alec Downie · Rating 3 out of 5]

a light, fun, throwaway read if you find it kicking about cheap.

[Michelle Knight-McQuillan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, twisting, and sometimes frustrating. Then just when you think it’s all over….there’s another twist!

[Annabel Steen · Rating 4 out of 5]

such a ridiculous storyline but in a good way, definitely original , enjoyed reading it

[Sanika · Rating 4 out of 5]

The protagonist is an over-cynical alcoholic-in-denial who also happens to be an unfaithful husband. The synopsis on the back cover doesn’t do a good job; I found the story and pacing to be far more engaging than it had led me to believe. Good descriptions, also some good jokes. And Dan, alcoholism and infidelity aside, is pretty likeable. Must say I like Patricia way more. She has more sense than he does.

Side note: It seems the Irish tut and shrug a lot more than other nationalities.

PS: I just found out that Dan Starkey is a recurring protagonist. I wouldn’t read any other book in this series. This one does just fine as a standalone book.

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

A journalist is contracted to investigate a small island parish where locals report the Second Coming has taken place.

This is a rip roaring comic story with strong thriller overtones.

A great read.

[Farzana · Rating 4 out of 5]

For those of you who need to be told that Northern Irish people are funny!

[Mike Worth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have read most of his books and can't remember all exactly - just that I have never been let down and have enjoyed Mr Bateman's writing immensely

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Northern Ireland crime writing. Witty in tone with a nice undercurrent of darkness. Shades of the Wicker Man.

[K J Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious book in the Dan Starkey series. I've no read all of them - this was a 1999 release, so quite early on. The early ones are the funniest.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Action, interesting premise and phrases that made me snort with laughter. Love this guys books.

[Chris Logan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tale of the second Messiah based on a small island in Ireland. Light hearted and funny tale, well written and above all entertaining.

[Jacqui Keenes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great read

[Daniela Kraml · Rating 4 out of 5]

well starkey is no parlabane, but i really like him the more i read of him!

[Doctor Mac · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little bit far fetched for my liking. Nonetheless it's well written and engaging throughout.

[Martin Willoughby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Riveting, chaotic, funny, dark and terrifying. And that's just the opening chapter.

[Sue Corbett · Rating 5 out of 5]

So funny.

[Michael Bolan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memories of the real Rathlin from school field trips.

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit more mellow than usual and the humour isn't as sharp. Also not enough harp being consumed.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious, unexpected and wild! I loved Dan Starkey and his blunt sense of humor especially when he told Mary that Jesus dies at the end of the Bible only to nearly be run over by her bicycle minutes later. This whole book was one gasp after the next...read it now!