Home to Stay: One American Family's Chronicle of Miracles and Struggles in Contemporary Israel

by Daniel Gordis

In the summer of 1998, Daniel Gordis and his family moved to Israel from Los Angeles. They planned to be there for a year, but a few months into their stay, Gordis and his wife decided to remain in Jerusalem permanently, confident that their children would be among the first generation of Israelis to grow up in peace.

Immediately after arriving in Israel, Daniel had started sending out e-mails about his life to friends and family abroad. These missives—passionate, thoughtful, beautifully written, and informative—began reaching a much broader readership than he’d ever envisioned, eventually being excerpted in The New York Times Magazine to much acclaim. An edited and finely crafted collection of his original e-mails, Home to Stay is a first-person, immediate account of Israel’s post-Oslo meltdown that cuts through the rhetoric and stridency of most dispatches from that country or from the international media. This is must reading for anyone who wants to get a firsthand, personal view of what it’s like for a family on the front lines of war.

Genres: Israel, Nonfiction, Jewish, History, Judaism, Memoir, Politics

384 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Ilana Diamant · Rating 2 out of 5]

Generally interesting book about Israel, but the melodramatic title and the writing itself make the author sound boring and self-indulgent at times. The author clearly didn't plan to write this book with a narrative or goal in mind, it's just a compilation of his emails, letters and thoughts from years back when he was still living in the US and then decided to move to Israel. No insights or challenging thoughts besides sentimental family history that's inevitably tied to Jerusalem's day to day life once his family migrated there.

[Harry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Home to Stay is a compelling story of the Gordis family’s aliyah (immigration to Israel), its rationale, and the hardships they encountered, especially during the Second Intifada. Largely composed of his email record, Gordis documents his changing perspective of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with sensitivity to both sides.

By his own account, Gordis had a klita kallah, an easy absorption. He came knowing Hebrew from childhood visits. He had a very good job lined up, one which afforded him a multi-story apartment in one of Jerusalem’s best neighborhoods, a car, and frequent vacations to Europe, the States and Israeli resorts - in short, a life that 90% of Israelis would envy. Yes, there were bureaucratic foul-ups, but b’gadol, life was good.

I’m also amazed that his adolescent and teenage children adjusted so well. It is well known that teenagers have a difficult time making aliyah, leaving friends and schools behind, not speaking Hebrew and adjusting to new schools and culture. Yet the Gordis children seem to avoid this trauma. That is until the outbreak of the Second Intifada. The author has to wrestle with his idealism versus the possibility putting his family in harm’s way.

According to his wife, Daniel Gordis came to Israel as “Mr. Liberal Schmiberal.” He felt that peace was just around the corner, and that both sides wanted the same thing. But over time, he came to a more realistic and nuanced understanding of the conflict. Twenty years after this book was written, the prospect of peace is still a pipe dream.

Gordis also provides a strong rationale for aliyah, from having the first opportunity to live in the Jewish homeland in 2000 years, the ability to make a difference, and to the feeling of being at home versus living as a guest.

The author is an ordained Conservative rabbi and worked for the Mandel Foundation, a liberal education think tank. Thus, I find it strange that he omitted the marginalization of the liberal streams of Judaism in Israel.

[Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

On my last few days in Israel, I spent them safe in Tel Aviv but glued to the news and despairing about the new round of fighting surrounding the Temple Mount. I woke up to bloody pictures of the family murdered in Halamish. I cringed at Netanyahu's response. I dreading seeing Israel engulfed in a third (or would it be the fourth?) Intifada. Gordis perfectly captures that loving despair for Israel. "If a Place Can Make You Cry" covers his experiences of moving to Israel during the optimistic Oslo hey-day and staying to weather through the second intifada. His early optimism metamorphosing from bleak heartbreak to defiant determination is the story I recognize the most from my own time in Israel.

[Laurel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it's a good Israeli perspective but it loses something on how Palestinians precive Israel, especially in the first half of the book. After that it became pretty boring

[Bookwookie ✿🇵🇸 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a lot of complicated feelings about this book but overall I’m glad I read it (rtc)

[Miri · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book...hm. It was emotionally very difficult for me to read, especially since I'm Israeli myself. It's also difficult sometimes to make sense of the author's thoughts, since he wasn't intending to write a book and has simply compiled his emails with little or no editing.

If you already know a lot about Israeli history, this book will illuminate the human aspect of all those names, dates, and numbers of people killed. But if you don't, it will be very confusing, because Gordis often doesn't explain events fully.

I'd recommend it to anyone with existing knowledge of the situation. Otherwise, you'd best start off with something more user-friendly.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Jewish American family goes to
Israel for a yearlong visit and
decides to stay, just as Israeli
and Palestinian relations begin
to deteriorate. Will the family
stay? Should they stay? They
must; "it is our home."
Recommended.

[Roxani]

My views on the conflict differ at times from Daniel Gordis' -- and that is perhaps why I so appreciated this book. His letters and observations capture the pulse of a place that is largely unpinnable. I thoroughly treasured his insights on Jerusalem, Israel, immigrant life in Israel and the conflict, as well as his observation of what a place making you cry can mean.

[Eric O · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my teachers (for three days) on JLI (Jewish Leadership Institute) in Israel. One of the most remarkable teachers, writers, storytellers and people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. This book did make me cry, and Gordis really makes you feel like you're living in Israel with him and his family.

[Kearstin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another book inspired by my trip to Israel. A great way to learn about the experience of an American immigrant to Israel. A thoughtful voice and an interesting format (series of letter home). A little bit forced at times. . .

[Marshaferz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't agree with Danny Gordis on everything, but his writing style is very evocative and I am always interested in what he has to say.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting book to read on the eve of my latest trip to Israel. Why would someone want to move there...many answers in this book.

[Heyden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great explanation of the Jewish connection to Eretz Yisrael.

[Vivien Silber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely terrific!

[Benjamin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book that really provides the narrative context for any future later thoughts Gordis shares about the Middle East Conflict and living in Israel.

[Foxglove · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart breaking but beautiful like all Gordis books

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book right after it came out in 2002. It opened up the discussion in my family to make aliyah, which we did, a year later. Inspiring book.

[Foxglove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing, brilliant, well written, heart breaking, perfect.