Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption

by Scott Simon

In this warm, funny, and wise new book, NPR’s award-winning and beloved Scott Simon tells the story of how he and his wife found true love with two tiny strangers from the other side of the world. It’s a book of unforgettable when Scott and Caroline get their first thumb-size pictures of their daughters, when the small girls are placed in their arms, and all the laughs and tumbles along the road as they become a real family.Woven into the tale of Scott, Caroline, and the two little girls who changed their lives are the stories of other adoptive families. Some are famous and some are not, but each family’s saga captures facets of the miracle of adoption. Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other is a love story that doesn’t gloss over the rough spots. There are anxieties and tears along with hugs and smiles and the unparalleled joy of this blessed and special way of making a family. Here is a book that families who have adopted—or are considering adoption—will want to read for inspiration. But everyone can enjoy this story because, as Scott Simon writes, adoption can also help us understand what really makes families, and how and why we fall in love.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Memoir, Parenting, Biography Memoir, Biography, Adult

193 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

SCOTT SIMON is one of America's most admired writers and broadcasters, having reported from all over the world and from many wars. He is now the award-winning host of Weekend Edition Saturday. With over 4 million listeners it is the most-listened to news program on NPR. Simon has won a Peabody and an Emmy for his reporting and also has over 1.2 million followers on Twitter.

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 1 out of 5]

When another friend told me she read this book, she gave the very lukewarm comment that "It doesn't add anything new to the discussion" about adoption. I couldn't agree more. I supposed I should have expected as much when the subtitle is "In Praise of Adoption".

There is nothing new about a book that seeks to reassure adoptive parents that their feelings are perfectly ok. And by the way! Never fear! There are many many adopted kids and adults who are happy and well adjusted! They love their adoptive parents, even if they have questions! But don't worry, some of them don't want to know anything about those pesky birth parents! Some of them MIGHT want to know, and sometimes it even works out OK! And even if the Chinese government switches your referred baby with some other baby, "It doesn't matter". (Really?? What happened to that other baby?)

Simon's discussion of race and transracial adoption is also so very predictable it is a cliche. Clearly race isn't going to matter much to these chinese kids because they eat Latkes! They embody the multiculturalism of America so all that other race stuff will likely roll right off their backs. And his kids have Chinese connections too. Even the people in the Chinese restaurant love them. Gah.

Don't get me wrong, this is a book by a Dad who really, really loves his kids. In fact, they SAVED him. They GAVE HIM the life he has. (No pressure there, girls.) Adoptive parents, we love our kids. But do we really need to be so self-congratulatory, sappy and shallow about it?

This was a nice little book, but there was no depth. Adoption is complicated. It is bittersweet. All that love doesn't erase those losses. I suppose I was wrong to hope a reporter would dig a little deeper.

[Larry Bassett · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the early 1960s when I was a teenager my parents bought a Volkswagen Bug. In those days VW drivers honked and waved whenever they passed another VW. Living in a suburb of the Car Capital, Detroit, buying a foreign made car was not exactly the right thing to do but still there were a lot of Volkswagens to honk at. And there were clever VW ads in the magazines. I cut out the ads, probably from Time magazine, and put them on the wall inside our garage where they remained for several years. Maybe until I went to college.

One of the things I learned in college is that people pay close attention to advertisements for things they have recently purchased, especially major purchases like a car. We do this to reinforce our need to feel that we have made a good choice. Viola! My parents bought a VW and I plastered the garage with dozens of VW ads.

These days every time I see something about China or Chinese adoptions, I put it on my list to read. I am the father of a 7 year old girl from China who was 3½ when she came to us. That means half her life so far has been spent in another country living a life about which we know very little. I read about the history of her birth country to understand how we brought a little bit of China into our house, to affirm our decision and to see what those missing 3½ years might have included. I read the fiction of Pearl Buck and the nonfiction of Peter Hessler. I take a course on Chinese culture. I follow China in the news.

Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other is, I think, better described by the subtitle: In Praise of Adoption. Simon explores the worlds of adopted children, the people who adopted them and the people who are the birth parents. He especially focuses on Chinese girls because that is his personal experience. The beginning focuses on the experience he and his wife had deciding to adopt, going through the bureaucratic process and actually going to China to get their first daughter. Much of the book is a pep rally for adoption. It is not judgmental about the birth parents and has several moving stories about adopted children being reunited with a birth parent. Simon does clearly negatively judge the Chinese one-child policy.

The book covers a lot of information and ideas in its quickly read 180 pages. Lots of statistics and facts and anecdotes about the outcomes of some specific adoptions are woven together with both the good and the bad. But, regardless of any cautions and negative details, the book is positive overall with a lot of emotional content.

Simon goes into some detail about the concept of primal wounds as it relates to adopted children. This theory says that the separation of the child from the mother – even immediately after birth – damages the child since a child has those nine months in the womb and has an intimate relationship with the mother as a result. The infant knows that the caregiver is not the familiar mother and suffers a psychic wound. Simon seems to take a middle ground about this concept, neither accepting nor totally rejecting.

If you who have adopted internationally, especially from China, you will want to read this book. It will tug at your heart strings but I mostly did not mind the sentimentality. As a guy who finds it hard sometimes to display emotions, I appreciated that this book sometimes (especially at the beginning and the end) brought the tears out. People considering international adoption should include this on their reading list to help decide if this kind of adoption is for them. The opening sections of the book that cover the adoption experience of the author and his wife really put you right there in the room with them. From our Chinese adoption experience, it was like he was writing about us.

Since Scott Simon is a well known personality from National Public Radio, there are some famous people whom Scott has evidently met through his work and their adoption stories. The fame of the author and some of the subjects will likely give this book some buzz that it might not have experienced otherwise. It is a small book worth reading.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book; after reading some of the other reviews here I have to say I find it bizarre and sad that all several people seemed to get out of this intensely personal and purely anecdotal narrative (it never claims to be anything more!) was that Simon's children are impossibly spoiled (God, jump to harsh judgments based on nothing much?!) and that he portrayed adoption in "too sappy" or "one-sided" of a manner. I also find the comment that Simon suggests people turn to adoption "instead of having children the normal way" (as one reviewer put it) ridiculous. That is so obviously NOT what he's saying that it almost merits no response.

I, for one, found the openly emotional style and somewhat positive (though I don't know how anyone can simply gloss over stories of an adoptive daughter who overdoses from drugs and dies / a pair of brothers shuffled mercilessly from orphanage to orphanage their entire lives) anecdotes a nice diversion from the immense supply of anti-adoption or even just overly worry-filled literature out there.

Take this book for what it is and you will enjoy it: a collection of extremely personal and varied stories about all types of families and adoptions. You'll laugh, you'll cry - and that might be all. And that's ok.

[Annamaria · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an adoptive mother I struggled for years to put words to my experiences and nothing I ever wrote or spoke sounded "right" to me. Now in a few short pages Scott Simon has managed to do it for me.

[King · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could feel the oxytocin flowing from the pages of this book. I cant help but cradle its contents with much cherish. It surprisingly had me teary eyed at some parts, particularly when Simon was describing tender moments with Lina and Elsie. I was also surprised to find some of my favorite media people in it's pages. Specifically "Freakonomics" author Steven Levitt(who after enduring tragedy, adopted) and NPR's Steve Inskeep(who himself, was adopted). Huffington once opined, that the media has stopped telling stories that matter. Stories that have heart and teach us something. This book has that and much more. It is as beautiful and moving as the smile of a newborn.

A personal Note:

As I write this, next to me there is a fresh issue of National Geographic, still wrapped in its plastic mail skin. On the cover, a snaking highway with cars zooming leaving a trail of light in their wake and in big bold letters: POPULATION 7 BILLION. I have always thought that much of our worlds ill's can be traced to economics and relative depravation theory. In some ways, I am a Marxist I guess. I also have to thank Thomas Malthus for my decision to not have kids, although I must admit I am only superficially aware of his theories. But with news on how global warming is making it difficult for the agricultural sector to provide the world with the supply, I feel more firm in my decision.

I just find it strange that people would decide to add more instead of trying to take care of those that are already here. I cringe when I hear about people who have kids that they are ill equipped to have. You know the story, an impoverished person juggling not one or two kids, as if that weren't difficult enough, but 4 or 5. When people get a dog or a pet, we encourage them to adopt one from a shelter. To save a life in essence. Why don't we apply this same logic to our own species?

[Lain · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting anecdotal interviews and experiences about adoption but I wouldn't want Simon's spoiled daughters (his description) in my class or as my employees. I hear how much he loves them and that's fantastic - but it seems like they're treated as extra-special BECAUSE they're adopted while kids who were born the "traditional" way are just, well, normal.

I guess I figure that we're all just people with our own burdens, strengths and weaknesses. Whether we were adopted or not, we are all of equal value. But somehow I get the impression that Simon thinks he loves his kids MORE than the average parent. He certainly spoils them more than I spoil mine! But I consider it part of my parental duty to say 'no' every so often.

This is purely anecdotal, but I've seen this same dynamic play out in other families, specifically those with girls adopted from Asian countries by parents in later life. The girls are treated as little princesses who can do no wrong, rarely reprimanded or disciplined and usually given exactly what they want. I can't help but wonder what the result of this parenting style will be on the child's development and ability to get along with others in later life.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really thought I would love this book. And I really wanted to love this book. However, I really did not love this book. His writing style annoyed me -- it was patronizing and obvious and self-righteous and his parentheticals were unnecessary and not funny. I question whether his interviewees actually approved of him including certain personal details. In general, the adoption stories were nice. I was annoyed that the people featured were basically all his friends and therefore many of them were semi-famous people; it did not seem like a good representation of adoptive families. After each story about someone else he talked about his own children -- at best this was awkward and tedious, at worst he seemed defensive or rationalizing. I don't really know the purpose of this book.

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dreadful pablum, written from the perspective that love solves all problems and eating food from many parts of the world addresses all issues of cultural adaptation. I expected Simon--whose Saturday morning NPR show I have enjoyed--to do better. In this whole book, there are only "happy adoptees," all of whom have simple views of adoption as a miracle. Life is a miracle, to be sure, but adoption is complicated. This book is dismissive and uniformed. He could have done a lot better.

[Dixie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book! If you have enough time for a quick read that will make you feel great--read this book. It is warm, funny, full of love and beautifully written. Scott Simon, of Weekend Edition on NPR, writes about adoption and especially about the story of his family--he and his wife adopted two little girls from China.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this short book, an adoptive father sensitively discusses his and his wife’s life-changing experience of adopting two daughters from China. He also interviews other adoptive families about their experiences. What made this book extra special for me was a surprise — Years ago, I read a memoir titled Alex: The Life of a Child by Frank DeFord, a touching but unsentimental story about a brave young girl who died of cystic fibrosis when she was eight. So, I was moved and happy to find the story here of how her parents later adopted a child from the Philippines and how they have kept Alex’s memory alive in their family. One appreciates the openness of all the families involved about their experiences

[Ellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book at KUER's sidewalk sale. I love Scott Simon's show on NPR, plus the subject is of great interest to me, since my niece and husband are trying to adopt a baby. Parts of this book touched me greatly, and brought me to tears. I might have enjoyed it more had I not felt a bit of envy of the Simons. Sure, their adoption process was not easy, but having plenty of money helped. I was slightly annoyed too, when he wished for the day that people would turn to adoption, not as a last resort but in place of the traditional way to have a family. Knowing how hard it is to adopt and how some couples wait for years in vain to get a baby, this almost made me laugh. And while it was touching reading of Scott and Caroline's deep love for their daughters, and of Scott offering no apologies for spoiling his daughters as much as possible, it seems their indulgences go a little too far. For example, his daughter's screaming tantrum at the airport, in which she threw herself on the floor. Scott merely sat next to her on the carpet and waited it out calmly. It made me think that these girls are going to expect the world to revolve around their wishes and desires their whole lives. They could use some gentle discipline.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was drawn to this one by the parallels between Scott Simon's adoption experience and my own. We've both adopted 2 girls from China and both followed the same process with our first and second. The experience and emotions that I encountered in these processes are expertly explained through Mr. Simon's direct and engaging prose.

This book could have covered only the author's experiences and viewpoints, and I would have been happy. But the book took some unexpected turns in describing other adoptions and the experiences of adoptees and adoptive parents alike. It's a book that lives up to it's subtitle "In Praise of Adoption"

Like Mr. Simon, I too wish that all couples would explore adoption as one of many options in building a family, and not only as a feasible option once all others have been exhausted. For my wife and I, adoption was our first consideration, and I can't imagine a life without the fruit of that decision amazing and befuddling me every day.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Warm and humorous if rambling memoir about one of my beloved NPR radio hosts and his wife adopting two girls from China.

I'm a bit put off by the highly non-chronological order, but it's still an engaging and very real book of the joys and challenges (paperwork! intrusive questions and clearances! more paperwork!) of adoption and parenthood.

Simon intersperses his own family's story with the stories of friends and acquaintances who are adopted or have adopted children, usually touching on the effect on all parts of the adoption triad: birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted child

This is a heartening book for people like me still going through the long pre-child adoption process, and a great introduction way for non-adoptive people to understand the physical and emotional details of adoption.

I confess I'm getting all mushy, even over the spitting-up stories. And reading some of the humorous moments to my husband.

[Agatha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the ode to adoption – and 'love letter' to his daughters – written by the NPR Sat. morning radio host, who, with his wife Caroline Richard, has adopted two little girls from China. It is warm and fuzzy. I liked the section where he addresses whether it is ever able to love a child who is not your flesh-and-blood relative and where he says adoption has been around for all of time: since Moses was picked out of the reeds of the river and raised by the pharaoh's daughter; since relatives have always taken in orphaned nieces and nephews; etc.

[Regina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very nice, personal book about adoption by a great storyteller. Make a cup of tea, curl up, and you can finish it in an afternoon - I did.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of touching vignettes though I would have liked to hear more of his story. Almost four stars.

[Linda Wolfe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being the mother of two adopted children, I found this book interesting and enjoyable. My children were adopted locally so my experience was a little different than Scott Simon's, but the love I felt (and still feel) toward my children comes through in this book. I adopted through Children's Home, they put you through a rigorous, sometimes brutal but extremely important screening and learning program before they accepted you as one of their parents. I have many stories I could tell about that experience, but I will only say that the process was one of the most informative and nurturing processes in my life. I wish all parents to be could be prepared in the same way. Maybe Simon's process was as informative as mine, but he realizes the importance of vetting parents. The miracle of adopting a child should be lauded and encouraged and supported in today's society. This book does that. And when Scott Simon is no longer with us, his girls will have this wonderful book to hold on to. Bravo!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

The concept of adoption has been around almost as long as man so let's all continue to learn about it.
Scott Simon does just that in this thoughtful collection of essays on adoption. I am PRO adoption because my life has been directly altered by adoption on four occasions. If you are considering adoption, want to be supportive of someone adopting, or just want to better understand the power of adoption this is a great read.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scott Simon and his French wife adopted two baby girls from China, and as good a writer as he is, these stories are some of his finest, revealing the loving and compassionate person he is. He includes interviews with adoptive parents from his own circle of friends and colleagues, adoptees (Steve Inskeep and Thomas Lauderdale) and adoptive s (Frank Deford). Scott also describes the ins and outs of parenting familiar to any mom or dad, and the special concerns that often haunt an adoptive parent.

[Barbara Pearlman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Scott Simon writes an interesting memoir/non fiction book on adoption. The story starts with his own experience as he and his wife adopt two lovely Chinese girls. Interwoven through his experiences are those of other adoptions and interesting facts about adoption.

[pianogal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this one, but I don't know how helpful it was. I'm pretty sure that my husband and I won't be able to adopt from China, so most of the stories here won't be applicable for us. Still a good read.

[Adoree Blair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well done

Through his own adoption experience, through others, 'also, a fine read about today's adoption experience. Truly enjoyable. Would have only wished for more attention to the children in our own child welfare system.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked this up for the St Clair reading challenge, for author with same initials. He said of a couple of things that I want to write down and ponder. I enjoyed the many different outlooks he presented on adoption. Overall I enjoyed this book.

[Kimberly Patton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a heartwarming yet informative adoptive perspective. I learned so much and felt the writer showed his true personality on the pages. I really appreciate the effort he went to, interviewing several families and offering his own story. Well done.

[mary m miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happy Tears

Another reason to lone Scott Simon! A lovely and honest compilation of the joys and struggles of adoption, interspersed with the experiences of other adoptive families.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can hear Scott Simon's smooth voice in my head as I read it. And read it again. And again.

[Lee Pomrenke · Rating 4 out of 5]

A feel-good book about being an adoptive parent

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book about the joys and realities of adoption.

[Jo Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This charming memoir made me want to do a shout out to ALL the good parents in the world, no matter how they became parents. Not taking it for granted! Not taking it for granted!

[C · Rating 1 out of 5]

The stories of adopted people are not an adopter's story to tell (or profit from).