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The Chosen
What do you get when you mix a couple of immortals, a snotty archangel, the Father of Lies, a redneck street preacher and a couple of wiseass waitresses from Texas? You get a cross-country road trip to save the world, of course!
Adam (yeah THAT Adam) has been around for a long time, but even he's never seen anything like this. He has to gather his ex-girlfriend and his youngest daughter with his ex-wife (you remember Eve, right?) and his oldest surviving son (Cain) and get them across the country for a meeting with Archangel Michael and Lucifer to determine the fate of the world. Along the way there are strip clubs, cheap beer, expensive whiskey, biker bar fights, shotgun blasts in motel parking lots, sing-alongs in public parks and other wild adventures as our group of intrepid immortals and universal icons travel to save the world.
The Chosen is the first novel from award-winning poet John G. Hartness. A wild comic ride through biblical genre-bending, The Chosen is as funny as it is probing. With characters pulled from the pages of the Bible and from everyday life, The Chosen takes a hard look at what happens when the divine becomes the everyday.
Adam (yeah THAT Adam) has been around for a long time, but even he's never seen anything like this. He has to gather his ex-girlfriend and his youngest daughter with his ex-wife (you remember Eve, right?) and his oldest surviving son (Cain) and get them across the country for a meeting with Archangel Michael and Lucifer to determine the fate of the world. Along the way there are strip clubs, cheap beer, expensive whiskey, biker bar fights, shotgun blasts in motel parking lots, sing-alongs in public parks and other wild adventures as our group of intrepid immortals and universal icons travel to save the world.
The Chosen is the first novel from award-winning poet John G. Hartness. A wild comic ride through biblical genre-bending, The Chosen is as funny as it is probing. With characters pulled from the pages of the Bible and from everyday life, The Chosen takes a hard look at what happens when the divine becomes the everyday.
218 pages, Paperback
First published August 24, 2010
42 people are currently reading
210 people want to read
About the author
John G. Hartness
191 books591 followersJohn G. Hartness is a teller of tales, a righter of wrong, defender of ladies’ virtues, and some people call him Maurice, for he speaks of the pompatus of love.
He is also the award-winning author of the urban fantasy series The Black Knight Chronicles (Bell Bridge Books), the Bubba the Monster Hunter comedic horror series, the Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter dark fantasy series, and many other projects.
In 2016, John teamed up with a pair of other publishing industry ne’er-do-wells and founded Falstaff Books, a small press dedicated to publishing the best of genre fictions “misfit toys.”
In his copious free time John enjoys long walks on the beach, rescuing kittens from trees and playing Magic: the Gathering.
For free short stories and to follow his activities and appearances on his newsletter, follow this link - http://eepurl.com/fV4In
He is also the award-winning author of the urban fantasy series The Black Knight Chronicles (Bell Bridge Books), the Bubba the Monster Hunter comedic horror series, the Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter dark fantasy series, and many other projects.
In 2016, John teamed up with a pair of other publishing industry ne’er-do-wells and founded Falstaff Books, a small press dedicated to publishing the best of genre fictions “misfit toys.”
In his copious free time John enjoys long walks on the beach, rescuing kittens from trees and playing Magic: the Gathering.
For free short stories and to follow his activities and appearances on his newsletter, follow this link - http://eepurl.com/fV4In
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
November 28, 2010
The Chosen is a fun little book that reads very quickly. As self-published ebooks go, it's well formatted and has only a couple of typos. Written from the point of view of Adam (yes, the biblical Adam) it takes place in the modern day south. It's written with a lot of tongue-in-cheek dry hyperbole, which suits me fine - Adam makes many of the same observations about the world and the personalities in as I do, with much the same sense of snide superiority. There were several LOL moments, and the whole book has a lighthearted levity to it.
The cast of characters is small, but involves some heavyweights from the christian tradition. Eve is hardly the pushover described in the old testament, and has styled herself as a barbrawling stripper with an acerbic tongue. She's the most interesting character in the book, IMHO, and seems to be more like the traditional Lilith than the western conception of Eve. Cain is unfortunately underdeveloped, and he exists mostly as a counterpoint to the argument du jour, swaying the plot one or the other as the plot requires. Lucifer, of course, makes several appearances and, as is typical in this sort of story, he's the character I would like to see get a lion's share of "screentime". The archangel Michael is the distillation of everything that everyone complains about in organized religion; he's clearly a sock puppet and punching bag for every inequity foisted upon the western world at the hands of organized religion.
The mortals involved in the journey include Myrna, Adam's most recent lover, who fortunately does more than just decorate the plot. Myrna and Adam's daughter Emily occupies a role much like Cain, though she gets a lot more dialogue. Sydney, a street preacher from Nashville, has a pivotal role in the story, but after his late appearance he's another sock pupppet - he dutifully trots out the right lines at the right places, but he feels like a cardboard shadow next to Adam, Eve and Lucifer.
This book has two main parts. The first is getting Adam, Myrna and their daughter Emily together with Eve and Cain. The archangel Michael is chaperoning this adventure, and hilarity and tears often ensue as the immortals find ways to overcome the resentments that have been burning inside them for eons. This part of the book explores human relationships, and it's where the author's ability to casually drop LOL observations into every other sentence really shine through. Once the party is assembled, they leave New Orleans for Nashville to collect Sydney and the second part of the book.
Once Sydney is gathered into the band of merry christian pillars, Michael explains he is to make a Choice that will affect humanity for generations - cue the Garden of Gethsemane "oh why me" chorus - though thankfully it's cut short with a minimum amount of navel gazing. Adam will need to make a Choice as well, of the same order of magnitude as Eve eating the forbidden fruit. The party rolls north to Washington, DC for the final choice. This part of the book has a slightly different tone; there's not a lot of character development, but plenty of dialogue where the ideas of 'free will', 'sacrifice', 'true love' and 'commitment' get hashed out again. Unfortunately, despite the interesting characters the author has to work with, no conclusions are drawn that haven't been drawn a million times before.
The final scene, ironically, felt predetermined despite the couple of hundred of escreens discussing free will before it. By the time the final confrontation between Lucifer and Michael takes place, it really does feel like these characters are going through motions they've been rehearsing since page one. It was a bit anticlimactic, really, and lowered my opinion of the book. I feel that if an author is going to draw from the roots of the christian canon for their material, they should either have something new to say or be prepared to go somewhere nobody has gone before.
As an entertaining book filled with funny and snide commentaries on human nature, this book wins. But as a story that asks important questions and answers them in thoughtful ways, it falls a bit flat. I would recommend this to anyone who likes to read skeptical interpretations of christian mythology, and/or lightweight familial dramas with a humorous tone.
The cast of characters is small, but involves some heavyweights from the christian tradition. Eve is hardly the pushover described in the old testament, and has styled herself as a barbrawling stripper with an acerbic tongue. She's the most interesting character in the book, IMHO, and seems to be more like the traditional Lilith than the western conception of Eve. Cain is unfortunately underdeveloped, and he exists mostly as a counterpoint to the argument du jour, swaying the plot one or the other as the plot requires. Lucifer, of course, makes several appearances and, as is typical in this sort of story, he's the character I would like to see get a lion's share of "screentime". The archangel Michael is the distillation of everything that everyone complains about in organized religion; he's clearly a sock puppet and punching bag for every inequity foisted upon the western world at the hands of organized religion.
The mortals involved in the journey include Myrna, Adam's most recent lover, who fortunately does more than just decorate the plot. Myrna and Adam's daughter Emily occupies a role much like Cain, though she gets a lot more dialogue. Sydney, a street preacher from Nashville, has a pivotal role in the story, but after his late appearance he's another sock pupppet - he dutifully trots out the right lines at the right places, but he feels like a cardboard shadow next to Adam, Eve and Lucifer.
This book has two main parts. The first is getting Adam, Myrna and their daughter Emily together with Eve and Cain. The archangel Michael is chaperoning this adventure, and hilarity and tears often ensue as the immortals find ways to overcome the resentments that have been burning inside them for eons. This part of the book explores human relationships, and it's where the author's ability to casually drop LOL observations into every other sentence really shine through. Once the party is assembled, they leave New Orleans for Nashville to collect Sydney and the second part of the book.
Once Sydney is gathered into the band of merry christian pillars, Michael explains he is to make a Choice that will affect humanity for generations - cue the Garden of Gethsemane "oh why me" chorus - though thankfully it's cut short with a minimum amount of navel gazing. Adam will need to make a Choice as well, of the same order of magnitude as Eve eating the forbidden fruit. The party rolls north to Washington, DC for the final choice. This part of the book has a slightly different tone; there's not a lot of character development, but plenty of dialogue where the ideas of 'free will', 'sacrifice', 'true love' and 'commitment' get hashed out again. Unfortunately, despite the interesting characters the author has to work with, no conclusions are drawn that haven't been drawn a million times before.
The final scene, ironically, felt predetermined despite the couple of hundred of escreens discussing free will before it. By the time the final confrontation between Lucifer and Michael takes place, it really does feel like these characters are going through motions they've been rehearsing since page one. It was a bit anticlimactic, really, and lowered my opinion of the book. I feel that if an author is going to draw from the roots of the christian canon for their material, they should either have something new to say or be prepared to go somewhere nobody has gone before.
As an entertaining book filled with funny and snide commentaries on human nature, this book wins. But as a story that asks important questions and answers them in thoughtful ways, it falls a bit flat. I would recommend this to anyone who likes to read skeptical interpretations of christian mythology, and/or lightweight familial dramas with a humorous tone.
November 4, 2010
There is a tiny subgenre of fiction that will make me squee with delight like a Twilight Fan discovering Robert Pattinson is coming to her high school and she will be showing him around. It probably doesn't have a specific name, but I'd call it Theology for the Well Versed and Irreverent. Up until now it was such a small subgenre that I had only found three examples, Good Omens, The Life of Brian, and Dogma.
Make that four now.
The Chosen by John Hartness is an example of all that is good and joyful in fiction. I love this book. It's fast paced, very well voiced, and genuinely funny.
In a nutshell, Adam, as in Adam and Eve, Father of Humanity, has to gather up his family, and head off with the Archangel Michael (described as a skinnier version of James Marsters) to find the human who will make another Eve level choice.
What's an Eve level choice? Well, there's where some of the irreverent theology comes in. Every so often one human is picked to make a choice that will effect them all. Eve made the first one, and others have followed, and now it's time for the final massive, humanity altering choice, and everyone who was there for the first choice has to show up for this one.
So, Adam, Eve (his very ex-wife), Cain (can't you already feel the how much fun this family reunion is going to be?), Myra (Adam's latest girlfriend), and Emily (their 23 year old daughter and stand in for Able, who, for obvious reasons, can't make it) need to find the man who will make the choice and get him to the place of choosing. Along the way Michael and Lucypher (This is my only quibble with this book, Lucypher? Really? There's no need to muck with the spelling on that one.) lend a hand (or fiery sword).
Along the way expect fist fights, lots of booze, guns, and the ever present voice of Adam, done with perfect pitch and tone. It's easy to believe this character has been around since literally the beginning of time and has seen it all.
The plot is fairly simple, find all of the main characters, get them all into the same place, and then make the choice. If it was a role playing game, it'd be called linear. It's the characterization and voice of these characters that make this book so much fun.
The theology is light-hearted and likely to annoy the true believers. Call it Eve was set up, rather than Eve was framed. If you liked the theological precepts of Good Omens, you will like this book. Actually, let me go further here, if you liked Good Omens for any reason, you will like this book.
At $9.99 for the book and $3.99 for the Kindle edition, both versions are priced well for the content. It's two hundred pages long, so in addition to being fast paced, it's also a fast read. I easily finished it in two evenings, and wished it was longer.
Please, go buy this book and then review this book. Link to it on Facebook and tweet about it. There's only one way that self published books get attention, and that's when everyone who liked them lets everyone within the sound of their voice know about them. So, go give it a read and give John a hand getting the word out.
Make that four now.
The Chosen by John Hartness is an example of all that is good and joyful in fiction. I love this book. It's fast paced, very well voiced, and genuinely funny.
In a nutshell, Adam, as in Adam and Eve, Father of Humanity, has to gather up his family, and head off with the Archangel Michael (described as a skinnier version of James Marsters) to find the human who will make another Eve level choice.
What's an Eve level choice? Well, there's where some of the irreverent theology comes in. Every so often one human is picked to make a choice that will effect them all. Eve made the first one, and others have followed, and now it's time for the final massive, humanity altering choice, and everyone who was there for the first choice has to show up for this one.
So, Adam, Eve (his very ex-wife), Cain (can't you already feel the how much fun this family reunion is going to be?), Myra (Adam's latest girlfriend), and Emily (their 23 year old daughter and stand in for Able, who, for obvious reasons, can't make it) need to find the man who will make the choice and get him to the place of choosing. Along the way Michael and Lucypher (This is my only quibble with this book, Lucypher? Really? There's no need to muck with the spelling on that one.) lend a hand (or fiery sword).
Along the way expect fist fights, lots of booze, guns, and the ever present voice of Adam, done with perfect pitch and tone. It's easy to believe this character has been around since literally the beginning of time and has seen it all.
The plot is fairly simple, find all of the main characters, get them all into the same place, and then make the choice. If it was a role playing game, it'd be called linear. It's the characterization and voice of these characters that make this book so much fun.
The theology is light-hearted and likely to annoy the true believers. Call it Eve was set up, rather than Eve was framed. If you liked the theological precepts of Good Omens, you will like this book. Actually, let me go further here, if you liked Good Omens for any reason, you will like this book.
At $9.99 for the book and $3.99 for the Kindle edition, both versions are priced well for the content. It's two hundred pages long, so in addition to being fast paced, it's also a fast read. I easily finished it in two evenings, and wished it was longer.
Please, go buy this book and then review this book. Link to it on Facebook and tweet about it. There's only one way that self published books get attention, and that's when everyone who liked them lets everyone within the sound of their voice know about them. So, go give it a read and give John a hand getting the word out.
April 29, 2011
Our story opens at a Las Vegas casino, specifically at the gambling tables, where we find Lucky (Lucifer) and Big A having at a game of blackjack. Big A or rather, Adam -- yes that Adam -- and Lucky are trying to do a little bit o' the smash and grab at the tables, Lucky counting cards, and Big A trying to pass off 25 year-old chips from a long-demolished casino. This, of course, doesn't work. However, Adam and Lucifer's run-in at the casino is anything but coincidence, and Adam knows it. In days to come, an old girlfriend will be thrust back into his life along with a child he didn’t know he had.
This book reminded me of the movie Dogma. It's style and campy flavor reminiscent of the pulp-fiction religious satire you'll find in that film. The physical events in the book are relatively mundane. It’s a road trip story filled with bars, diners, strip clubs, and casinos. Your disenchanted group of derelicts on a quest type story. Pretty standard fare, no dead bodies, zombies, explosions, glowing briefcases, or anything interesting like that, but the subtle moments along the way, the actual conversations, which are primarily used for exposition, make it a fun read.
It was the mid-eighties and I’d gotten pretty tired of the New York music scene, what with all the pretty boys and androgyny going around. I’ve never looked very good in neon clothes, and while I didn’t mind the earrings, it’s always been important to me to be able to tell the boys from the girls. So I headed to the one place where New Wave had not gotten much of a foothold: Texas.
And of course this one from Michael when Adam asks when he became "British."
“Just now. It’s a pretentious decade and I can’t possibly fit in without an appropriately posh accent.”
And there were some very man-tastic sentimental moments, like when Adam describes his attraction to Eve.
She laughed whenever she felt like laughing, and was so moved at the beauty of the sunset that she wept, big tears rolling down her cheeks to nestle in the hollow of her throat and collarbone while she grinned a grin that kept the sun up a couple extra minutes just to bask in her light.
So yeah, we fell in love. I guess we invented it, at least among mortals. The Seraphim had a whole different level of love working, what with their nigh-infinite intellect and capacity for emotion and all. But we fell in love, and we had babies, and then we had an unfortunate interaction with a certain Seraph with ambition that had managed to lose a celestial corporate takeover bid and develop a reputation as the most disgruntled of employees. You all know how that turned out. Then there was the whole Cain inventing murder episode, and things spiraled out of control between Eve and I, and that all culminated in a certain number of butterflies in my stomach as I sat in a relatively disgusting bar in New Orleans watching my ultimate first wife take her top off for dollar bills.
The book raises some interesting religious questions, albeit through some very gritty skepticism. Some overly sensitive readers might find themselves offended by the fact that Adam is a basic low-life drifter, that Cain is still a psychotic bad-a**, and that Eve works at a strip club. Oh how far the fallen have fallen. Not to mention that Archangel Michael is a fast-talking double-dealing troublemaker who makes Lucky Lucifer seem like a saint, which he is, sort of, but no spoilers here. In general, the entire cast of characters is what you would expect in a spaghetti western. Everyone is sarcastic and everyone has a few one-liners. It's not the funniest dark religious comedy I have ever experienced, but the plot is interesting. I did like the fact that Eve was set-up in the garden and that God, The Father, was the one who set her up, not Satan, and knowing this, had allowed her to carry that guilt for an eternity until she drives herself mad. God, The Father, comes off here like a manipulative d**k and Archangel Michael as nothing more than a toady, like is brother seraphim Lucifer. This is the story of the Bible, in a sense, if the Lone Gunmen had been the scribes. We've got a lot if conspiracy theory here and a lot of conceptual religious scrutiny, scrutiny that makes you think about shit for minute or two, especially when Adam calls the Bible "a novel." Yes, it's also the kind of religious scrutiny that pisses people off, so again, this isn't a book for sensitive religious types.
Despite quite a bit of editorial awkwardness, this book was an enjoyable read from start to finish. There's not a whole lot of action here, but the drunken philosophical debates, the sarcastic monologues directed at the reader, and all the snappy one-liners move the story along at a nice pace. The chapters are very short, which makes sense because the book actually started out as a serial on Hartness' website. The brevity of the chapters, however, really made the editorial issues stand out, and there were a lot of editorial issues: fiddly bits that a decent proofreader should have caught, issues that readers will notice. The biggest problem area for me was with the dialog. There were strange dialog tags, incorrect punctuation before the tags, and some areas where dialog tags were missing altogether, which made me have to go back and reread portions to figure out who was actually speaking. This was particularly difficult when the dialog of one character was combined in the same paragraph with the narrative voice of another. Some readers might also find the dialog over-expository, resulting in a lot of sitting-around talking type situations at the expense of the plot. The plot being the group's quest to find some general nobody, who, after thousands of years and millions of other people, has been randomly chosen to make another "Great Choice" thus determining the fate of humanity. Tall order. The group has to trek across the country to find this modern nibble head and make sure he/she makes the right choice, whatever that might be, and save humanity. By half-way through the story, the merry band of immortal f**ktards has just barely managed to stop hating on each other long enough to get the plot in gear: the merry band of players being Adam, Michael, Adam's first son Cain and his last daughter Emily, his ex-wife Eve, and his ex-girlfriend Myra. Lucifer sets the plot in motion and then you don't see him again until midway through the story where he appears "just to talk" for only about a minute, but don't worry, he takes center stage during the choice making session, and he ain't the bad guy.
So is there a point to be made here? Sure. There's a lot of "being who you are" metaphors, some loosely thrown about ten commandment type stuff, and a few overt stabs at the accuracy of the Bible such as this when Adam tells the Chosen one that he is not Christian:
“Junior. Take a deep breath. Now let’s remember, I am Old Testament. I predate Christianity by about 50 millennia, give or take a couple thousand years. I met the Carpenter. The Nazarene was a good kid, but he wasn’t the first or the last to speak that speech, so I’m not inclined to follow some hippie kid just because he says the Father loves us all. I know the true face of my Father’s love, and I know I don’t need an intermediary to get me there. All I need to do to talk to God is talk to him. I don’t need to do it just on Sundays, or just in rooms with a lotta stained glass, or just through a mouthpiece. Now I liked the Carpenter. He did some good things, and he had a fantastic speaking voice. But I’m a little more old school in my religion. A little more direct, if you get my drift.”
Take it for what it is. Overall, the story has a great concept. Eve made her choice in the Garden so that Adam wouldn't have to make one, ever, or so she thought, but that deal was a lie, or rather, a misdirection, and now Adam will have to make his own choice, which is all tangled together with the choice of the "other." There is a pulp flavor to the comedy, and all the players are gritty wisecracking wannabe gangstas. Biblical gangstas that is. So if you don't mind your Christianity dressed in black -- a black velvet thong and cowboy boots -- and you don't mind your saviors tattooed and pierced like a pin-cushion, not to mention all the bar brawls and Angels who drink, swear, and muck things up, then you will love this story. I sure did. It's a snarky satirical Sunday school adventure for mature adults, so if you weren’t even the least offended by the movie Dogma, then you will love this book.
This book reminded me of the movie Dogma. It's style and campy flavor reminiscent of the pulp-fiction religious satire you'll find in that film. The physical events in the book are relatively mundane. It’s a road trip story filled with bars, diners, strip clubs, and casinos. Your disenchanted group of derelicts on a quest type story. Pretty standard fare, no dead bodies, zombies, explosions, glowing briefcases, or anything interesting like that, but the subtle moments along the way, the actual conversations, which are primarily used for exposition, make it a fun read.
It was the mid-eighties and I’d gotten pretty tired of the New York music scene, what with all the pretty boys and androgyny going around. I’ve never looked very good in neon clothes, and while I didn’t mind the earrings, it’s always been important to me to be able to tell the boys from the girls. So I headed to the one place where New Wave had not gotten much of a foothold: Texas.
And of course this one from Michael when Adam asks when he became "British."
“Just now. It’s a pretentious decade and I can’t possibly fit in without an appropriately posh accent.”
And there were some very man-tastic sentimental moments, like when Adam describes his attraction to Eve.
She laughed whenever she felt like laughing, and was so moved at the beauty of the sunset that she wept, big tears rolling down her cheeks to nestle in the hollow of her throat and collarbone while she grinned a grin that kept the sun up a couple extra minutes just to bask in her light.
So yeah, we fell in love. I guess we invented it, at least among mortals. The Seraphim had a whole different level of love working, what with their nigh-infinite intellect and capacity for emotion and all. But we fell in love, and we had babies, and then we had an unfortunate interaction with a certain Seraph with ambition that had managed to lose a celestial corporate takeover bid and develop a reputation as the most disgruntled of employees. You all know how that turned out. Then there was the whole Cain inventing murder episode, and things spiraled out of control between Eve and I, and that all culminated in a certain number of butterflies in my stomach as I sat in a relatively disgusting bar in New Orleans watching my ultimate first wife take her top off for dollar bills.
The book raises some interesting religious questions, albeit through some very gritty skepticism. Some overly sensitive readers might find themselves offended by the fact that Adam is a basic low-life drifter, that Cain is still a psychotic bad-a**, and that Eve works at a strip club. Oh how far the fallen have fallen. Not to mention that Archangel Michael is a fast-talking double-dealing troublemaker who makes Lucky Lucifer seem like a saint, which he is, sort of, but no spoilers here. In general, the entire cast of characters is what you would expect in a spaghetti western. Everyone is sarcastic and everyone has a few one-liners. It's not the funniest dark religious comedy I have ever experienced, but the plot is interesting. I did like the fact that Eve was set-up in the garden and that God, The Father, was the one who set her up, not Satan, and knowing this, had allowed her to carry that guilt for an eternity until she drives herself mad. God, The Father, comes off here like a manipulative d**k and Archangel Michael as nothing more than a toady, like is brother seraphim Lucifer. This is the story of the Bible, in a sense, if the Lone Gunmen had been the scribes. We've got a lot if conspiracy theory here and a lot of conceptual religious scrutiny, scrutiny that makes you think about shit for minute or two, especially when Adam calls the Bible "a novel." Yes, it's also the kind of religious scrutiny that pisses people off, so again, this isn't a book for sensitive religious types.
Despite quite a bit of editorial awkwardness, this book was an enjoyable read from start to finish. There's not a whole lot of action here, but the drunken philosophical debates, the sarcastic monologues directed at the reader, and all the snappy one-liners move the story along at a nice pace. The chapters are very short, which makes sense because the book actually started out as a serial on Hartness' website. The brevity of the chapters, however, really made the editorial issues stand out, and there were a lot of editorial issues: fiddly bits that a decent proofreader should have caught, issues that readers will notice. The biggest problem area for me was with the dialog. There were strange dialog tags, incorrect punctuation before the tags, and some areas where dialog tags were missing altogether, which made me have to go back and reread portions to figure out who was actually speaking. This was particularly difficult when the dialog of one character was combined in the same paragraph with the narrative voice of another. Some readers might also find the dialog over-expository, resulting in a lot of sitting-around talking type situations at the expense of the plot. The plot being the group's quest to find some general nobody, who, after thousands of years and millions of other people, has been randomly chosen to make another "Great Choice" thus determining the fate of humanity. Tall order. The group has to trek across the country to find this modern nibble head and make sure he/she makes the right choice, whatever that might be, and save humanity. By half-way through the story, the merry band of immortal f**ktards has just barely managed to stop hating on each other long enough to get the plot in gear: the merry band of players being Adam, Michael, Adam's first son Cain and his last daughter Emily, his ex-wife Eve, and his ex-girlfriend Myra. Lucifer sets the plot in motion and then you don't see him again until midway through the story where he appears "just to talk" for only about a minute, but don't worry, he takes center stage during the choice making session, and he ain't the bad guy.
So is there a point to be made here? Sure. There's a lot of "being who you are" metaphors, some loosely thrown about ten commandment type stuff, and a few overt stabs at the accuracy of the Bible such as this when Adam tells the Chosen one that he is not Christian:
“Junior. Take a deep breath. Now let’s remember, I am Old Testament. I predate Christianity by about 50 millennia, give or take a couple thousand years. I met the Carpenter. The Nazarene was a good kid, but he wasn’t the first or the last to speak that speech, so I’m not inclined to follow some hippie kid just because he says the Father loves us all. I know the true face of my Father’s love, and I know I don’t need an intermediary to get me there. All I need to do to talk to God is talk to him. I don’t need to do it just on Sundays, or just in rooms with a lotta stained glass, or just through a mouthpiece. Now I liked the Carpenter. He did some good things, and he had a fantastic speaking voice. But I’m a little more old school in my religion. A little more direct, if you get my drift.”
Take it for what it is. Overall, the story has a great concept. Eve made her choice in the Garden so that Adam wouldn't have to make one, ever, or so she thought, but that deal was a lie, or rather, a misdirection, and now Adam will have to make his own choice, which is all tangled together with the choice of the "other." There is a pulp flavor to the comedy, and all the players are gritty wisecracking wannabe gangstas. Biblical gangstas that is. So if you don't mind your Christianity dressed in black -- a black velvet thong and cowboy boots -- and you don't mind your saviors tattooed and pierced like a pin-cushion, not to mention all the bar brawls and Angels who drink, swear, and muck things up, then you will love this story. I sure did. It's a snarky satirical Sunday school adventure for mature adults, so if you weren’t even the least offended by the movie Dogma, then you will love this book.
April 15, 2017
(Full disclosure: I read it as an audiobook and the narrator was great, so that helped.)
I REALLY wish the author had turned this into a series. I enjoyed this book tremendously, and I'd love to see more from the various characters. After all, most of the primary characters are 75,000 years old or more, so there's plenty of potential material to draw from. (Are you reading this, John Hartness? Pleeeaase write some prequels? Sequels? Spinoffs?)
I love books about gods / immortals living in our mundane, modern world, so I was a sucker for this one. I'm also a John G. Hartness fan, so there you go. This one had excellent character development, and just the right amount of tongue in cheek snark.
If you're looking for books in a similar vein, try Vampires of Hollywood (Adrienne Barbeau), The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break (Steven Sherrill) and American Gods (Neil Gaiman).
I REALLY wish the author had turned this into a series. I enjoyed this book tremendously, and I'd love to see more from the various characters. After all, most of the primary characters are 75,000 years old or more, so there's plenty of potential material to draw from. (Are you reading this, John Hartness? Pleeeaase write some prequels? Sequels? Spinoffs?)
I love books about gods / immortals living in our mundane, modern world, so I was a sucker for this one. I'm also a John G. Hartness fan, so there you go. This one had excellent character development, and just the right amount of tongue in cheek snark.
If you're looking for books in a similar vein, try Vampires of Hollywood (Adrienne Barbeau), The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break (Steven Sherrill) and American Gods (Neil Gaiman).
November 20, 2010
Oh my. I don't think I knew what I was getting myself into fully when I started reading this book. Hilarious doesn't even begin to describe this book. It's funny. It's well-written. It's sacrilegious. It's blasphemous. It darn well nearly made me pee my pants I was laughing so hard. I absolutely loved it!
The whole concept is so outlandishly delicious that I really wanted to pour chocolate over it and dig it. And dig in I most certainly did. I will caution that if you take yourself or religion too seriously, you might be a little offended by this book (I mean Adam - yes THAT Adam - is beating people up and cursing), but well... again, I loved it. But if you can sit back and enjoy the story for what it is, you will absolutely roll with laughter.
The dialogue (and there is quite a bit) is very well done. It's snappy, it's snark-filled, and it's snort-worthy. Eve (yes THAT Eve) will say something completely inappropriate and Cain (yes THAT Cain) will reply in kind and I just want to giggle and share it with all my friends. It's THAT kind of funny.
The editing is okay. There's a few parts where there are problems (Emily talking to Emily, for example) or a spelling error here or there, but nothing serious. The ending was satisfying, but the first "choice" made me wonder why the author bothered with that character at all. It seemed just kind of "tossed in" for no real reason. I don't think either really takes away from the book, but it is something to consider.
This book is recommended for those that, as I said, don't take themselves or their religion too seriously. It is HIGHLY recommended for Christopher Moore fans as it fits well into that genre and writing style. I really did enjoy this one and hope you will too!
The whole concept is so outlandishly delicious that I really wanted to pour chocolate over it and dig it. And dig in I most certainly did. I will caution that if you take yourself or religion too seriously, you might be a little offended by this book (I mean Adam - yes THAT Adam - is beating people up and cursing), but well... again, I loved it. But if you can sit back and enjoy the story for what it is, you will absolutely roll with laughter.
The dialogue (and there is quite a bit) is very well done. It's snappy, it's snark-filled, and it's snort-worthy. Eve (yes THAT Eve) will say something completely inappropriate and Cain (yes THAT Cain) will reply in kind and I just want to giggle and share it with all my friends. It's THAT kind of funny.
The editing is okay. There's a few parts where there are problems (Emily talking to Emily, for example) or a spelling error here or there, but nothing serious. The ending was satisfying, but the first "choice" made me wonder why the author bothered with that character at all. It seemed just kind of "tossed in" for no real reason. I don't think either really takes away from the book, but it is something to consider.
This book is recommended for those that, as I said, don't take themselves or their religion too seriously. It is HIGHLY recommended for Christopher Moore fans as it fits well into that genre and writing style. I really did enjoy this one and hope you will too!
September 27, 2010
I received this book as a part of the First-Reads program. I thought the description sounded very interesting and I was overjoyed to find out that I was right. This book was very funny and very entertaining. I didn’t want to put it down once I started reading it.
The book is told from Adam’s point of view, and being alive for several thousand years has definitely given him a sarcastic bent. I don’t want to give away any of the story, but let’s say that putting together his merry little band of travelers is very interesting. There are several twists and turns along the way, and the book ended with a definite twist, one that I really wasn’t expecting.
I would definitely recommend this book to all of my friends and family.
The book is told from Adam’s point of view, and being alive for several thousand years has definitely given him a sarcastic bent. I don’t want to give away any of the story, but let’s say that putting together his merry little band of travelers is very interesting. There are several twists and turns along the way, and the book ended with a definite twist, one that I really wasn’t expecting.
I would definitely recommend this book to all of my friends and family.
November 4, 2010
I loved this book.
From the first scene where Adam and Satan are playing blackjack together in Las Vegas to the end I did not want to put it down.
It's deeply funny, very well written, both in terms of pacing and voice, and fast paced.
I have a few small quibbles, there were some typos and grammar issues, but nothing big enough to jerk my attention away from the story to the actual writing of the book.
As a reader of a lot of self published fiction I kept expecting the story to go off the rails, for it to somehow explode into a mess of lost plot or stupid character decisions. That never happened. It stayed happily moving along, with characters that stayed perfectly in character, until a deeply satisfying last page.
From the first scene where Adam and Satan are playing blackjack together in Las Vegas to the end I did not want to put it down.
It's deeply funny, very well written, both in terms of pacing and voice, and fast paced.
I have a few small quibbles, there were some typos and grammar issues, but nothing big enough to jerk my attention away from the story to the actual writing of the book.
As a reader of a lot of self published fiction I kept expecting the story to go off the rails, for it to somehow explode into a mess of lost plot or stupid character decisions. That never happened. It stayed happily moving along, with characters that stayed perfectly in character, until a deeply satisfying last page.
May 29, 2019
One of the earliest of Mr. Hartness' works, and as a result, one of the most polished, as is typical of young writers, self-published and otherwise. This is the first "statement", long novel, he made outside of poetry.
His archetype characters are all there - a strong male fighting and making decisions, some good, some bad - strong women characters, interested in the alpha male but hold their own and making their own decisions - sidekicks, some wise and some foolish - supernatural, especially of the heaven-hell variety. Strong southern feel; strong questioning of organized religion - while still respecting aspects of the religion; humor strewn throughout.
The Chosen encompasses the seeds of what becomes Mr. Hartness' most famous series, *Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter*.
As for the story itself, basically if the movie Dogma was a road-trip movie filmed by someone who like bar fights. A good urban fantasy - not fantastic, but workable. Mr. Hartness later works are stronger, much more action-packed, but this manuscript can and does stand on its own.
(Read through Kindle Unlimited)
His archetype characters are all there - a strong male fighting and making decisions, some good, some bad - strong women characters, interested in the alpha male but hold their own and making their own decisions - sidekicks, some wise and some foolish - supernatural, especially of the heaven-hell variety. Strong southern feel; strong questioning of organized religion - while still respecting aspects of the religion; humor strewn throughout.
The Chosen encompasses the seeds of what becomes Mr. Hartness' most famous series, *Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter*.
As for the story itself, basically if the movie Dogma was a road-trip movie filmed by someone who like bar fights. A good urban fantasy - not fantastic, but workable. Mr. Hartness later works are stronger, much more action-packed, but this manuscript can and does stand on its own.
(Read through Kindle Unlimited)
January 14, 2018
This is a funny read, but not really one of my favorites by John Hartness. (What can I say, I love Quincy!)
This rendition has Adam, Eve, Cain, Lucyfer and a few mere mortals facing a second Choice (with a capital C) which has to be made for all of mankind. The banter is snarky and fun. In a nutshell, this is an urban fantasy about saving the world, snotty archangels, gambling, tattooed street preachers, immortals with family issues, bar brawls and the consequences of our actions.
Overall, the book is irreverent. So, if you take anything too seriously (especially religion and maybe even yourself), you should probably steer clear of this one.
This rendition has Adam, Eve, Cain, Lucyfer and a few mere mortals facing a second Choice (with a capital C) which has to be made for all of mankind. The banter is snarky and fun. In a nutshell, this is an urban fantasy about saving the world, snotty archangels, gambling, tattooed street preachers, immortals with family issues, bar brawls and the consequences of our actions.
Overall, the book is irreverent. So, if you take anything too seriously (especially religion and maybe even yourself), you should probably steer clear of this one.
January 31, 2020
This is what happens if Adam and Eve (yeah, that Adam and Eve) were to make their own version of Buffy's Scooby Gang and travel across the country to find the "chosen one" who will have to make a decision that could alter the fate of humanity.
This book was interesting and unique, as well full of humor and wit. It had me engaged from start to finish, I enjoyed it a lot. Very well done.
This book was interesting and unique, as well full of humor and wit. It had me engaged from start to finish, I enjoyed it a lot. Very well done.
Read
April 24, 2021Please read The Chosen!
I really liked this book. I liked the characters, especially because they were flawed but good people. I liked the twists and turns. The Cain and Abel part wad done very well. I hope there is a followup book!
I really liked this book. I liked the characters, especially because they were flawed but good people. I liked the twists and turns. The Cain and Abel part wad done very well. I hope there is a followup book!
August 13, 2020
Light-hearted book of Adam and Eve, who are still alive and kicking in modern times. As they journey through to another world affecting dilemma/choice.
September 28, 2011
I really deliberated about whether this was a 3 or 4 star book.
I went with 4 because ultimately I enjoyed the book. The concept is great - Adam and Eve and Cain - are still alive. Immortal. Lucifer (Lucypher in the novel) is kind of a "friend you hate" or an "enemy you like" to Adam and Cain. The 3 of them make up the most fucked up dysfunctional family ever to gain the field. As you might imagine. That is both entertaining and intriguing. Its a road trip novel, with fighting, drinking and sex. The characters are fun, and while some of their relationships and motivations could have been fleshed out a bit more, it didn't really stop the book from flowing.
I believe it was Hartness' first novel and is self published. As a result it has some flaws. Most obvious is some internal inconsistencies. Its sort of proof of why a good editor is so important. Hartness has some talent, but if you don't have a professional to point out some wandering plot points, to show you how you described something two different ways in the same book, its easy to miss. I'm not a detail oriented reader for fun fiction. So when I notice inconsistency, its pretty blatant. There are a couple of typos, but that's common even in well edited books.
As I said, the premise and the plot are fun and entertaining and they kept me reading when I might have put it down because of the irritation of writing flaws. I like stories. I love stories well told. Its only too bad this was his first novel and not his 4th or 5th. I imagine it would have earned its weight in 4 stars and maybe pushed to the 5 stars.
I went with 4 because ultimately I enjoyed the book. The concept is great - Adam and Eve and Cain - are still alive. Immortal. Lucifer (Lucypher in the novel) is kind of a "friend you hate" or an "enemy you like" to Adam and Cain. The 3 of them make up the most fucked up dysfunctional family ever to gain the field. As you might imagine. That is both entertaining and intriguing. Its a road trip novel, with fighting, drinking and sex. The characters are fun, and while some of their relationships and motivations could have been fleshed out a bit more, it didn't really stop the book from flowing.
I believe it was Hartness' first novel and is self published. As a result it has some flaws. Most obvious is some internal inconsistencies. Its sort of proof of why a good editor is so important. Hartness has some talent, but if you don't have a professional to point out some wandering plot points, to show you how you described something two different ways in the same book, its easy to miss. I'm not a detail oriented reader for fun fiction. So when I notice inconsistency, its pretty blatant. There are a couple of typos, but that's common even in well edited books.
As I said, the premise and the plot are fun and entertaining and they kept me reading when I might have put it down because of the irritation of writing flaws. I like stories. I love stories well told. Its only too bad this was his first novel and not his 4th or 5th. I imagine it would have earned its weight in 4 stars and maybe pushed to the 5 stars.
October 26, 2015
What an amazingly funny and serious by turns book. Adam and Eve walk into a bar is a pretty apt description, at least for part. The story begins with Adam, yes, THE Adam, the first man created by God, sitting in a casino in Vegas in the modern world playing Blackjack, when Lucky, AKA Lucifer, comes and sits in on the game. If this sounds ridiculous, it is, in the best way, Lucky's visit starts Adam on a journey that will have him meeting up with an old girlfriend of Adam's, who happened to be just barely pregnant when Adam split from her, and that result is now an early 20's woman, working in her mothers diner as Adam cruises in, having forgotten she was there. From here, a wild adventure ensues, with the Archangel Michael sending them on a mission to find a mortal who will decide the fate of mankind. Of course, they need to find Adam's psychotic son Cain, as well as Adam's estranged wife Eve. After a wild and woolly set of adventures, they meet up for the final decision showdown In DC at the top of the Washington Monument, with the fate of mankind hanging in the balance.Who will decide, and how will it turn out? Well, you'll need a copy of your own to find out, but it is so worth it. Excellent payoff. The plot moves along nicely, the characters are sharp and funny, and there are some moments of laugh out loud funny and some moments you want to cry along. The dialogue is excellent, as I've come to expect from a John Hartness book, and Andrew McFerrin really brings the characters to life. I would recommend this book to any fans of Pratchett and Gaimen's Good Omens.
September 23, 2012
I wanted to like this book. The premise sounded very intriguing, but unfortunately the execution is what fails this book.
The characters are characters, only made up, never to exist personalities would say the things or do the things in this book. I'm not talking about Lucifer, the Archangel Michael or any other characters are nonexistent and therefore unbelievable, I'm saying: even if you assume the characters and their quest would be real, none of their actions, reactions or dialogue is believable.
All the characters are trying too hard to just be. There is always a quick quip around the corner or an anecdote squeezed into a scene just so it can disrupt the flow of the story.
The characters are characters, only made up, never to exist personalities would say the things or do the things in this book. I'm not talking about Lucifer, the Archangel Michael or any other characters are nonexistent and therefore unbelievable, I'm saying: even if you assume the characters and their quest would be real, none of their actions, reactions or dialogue is believable.
All the characters are trying too hard to just be. There is always a quick quip around the corner or an anecdote squeezed into a scene just so it can disrupt the flow of the story.
August 18, 2011
This book from a new, independent author is now on my personal list of "favorites of all time."
The story features a familiar cast of characters, with an unexpected modern interpretation. The story is told in a sardonic tone that makes the book all the more enjoyable.
The story qucikly grabbedmy interest and I did not want to put it down.
I have quickly become a fan of John Hartness, but The Chosen remains my favorite.
If you are a fan of Kevin Smith, I suspect you will like this one a lot.
The story features a familiar cast of characters, with an unexpected modern interpretation. The story is told in a sardonic tone that makes the book all the more enjoyable.
The story qucikly grabbedmy interest and I did not want to put it down.
I have quickly become a fan of John Hartness, but The Chosen remains my favorite.
If you are a fan of Kevin Smith, I suspect you will like this one a lot.
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July 22, 2020I loved this book so much, I wrote Something Like a Review about it. Here's a taste:
But to read more, you'll have to visit my blog.
“The Chosen” is an irreverent and humorous poke at things people take “super cereal.” He introduces us to an Adam and Eve (yes, THAT Adam and Eve) that will send the devout for their rosaries, an angel that will make you question both your definition and affiliation with good/evil and an unforgettable motley crew as they set off on a road trip to save the world.
But to read more, you'll have to visit my blog.
February 19, 2011
Great idea for a story. The characters were likable and you really wanted to see what was going to happen. The ending seemed a little rushed and it would have been nice to see what happens a bit later but overall a good read.
July 31, 2016
Great origin story!
It's a different perspective on the whole Genesis and Old Testament thing, with some great almost Sand Man Slim action, a fair bit of drinking and, of course, an angel and devil.
It's a different perspective on the whole Genesis and Old Testament thing, with some great almost Sand Man Slim action, a fair bit of drinking and, of course, an angel and devil.
January 22, 2011
I'll write a review shortly.
December 30, 2010
I really enjoyed this book. The author did a great job bringing a bunch of historical characters in to the present day.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
to-buy-or-borrow
January 6, 2011Comparisons to Good Omens, Dogma, and Life of Brian? At least worth a look...
March 25, 2012
An amusing book with fun assortment of cast members. Will need to read it again for a more indepth write up.
May 1, 2022
What if Adam, Eve and Cain were still alive today? Interesting fantasy
January 7, 2012
I loved this book! I haven't had this much fun reading a book since I read Christopher Moore's Gospel According to Judas!
April 7, 2017
Being human
5 star book because, for me, it left me thinking about the essence of humanity. We live, we die, and in between, we have the option to do whatever we want, and to be whomever we choose to be. I absolutely loved this book. Not because of the drinking and fighting, but because the it made me laugh, made me cry, made me remember what it's like to be a man with a fucked up family, and still love them all.
5 star book because, for me, it left me thinking about the essence of humanity. We live, we die, and in between, we have the option to do whatever we want, and to be whomever we choose to be. I absolutely loved this book. Not because of the drinking and fighting, but because the it made me laugh, made me cry, made me remember what it's like to be a man with a fucked up family, and still love them all.
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