My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius

by Lynn Toler

Lynn Toler was, if anything, an achiever. At thirty-three, after Harvard, Penn Law School, and a decade as a successful lawyer, she was elected to a municipal judgeship-a black woman in a mostly white community, and a Republican in a district where Democrats held a 5:1 majority. Once on the bench, responsible for adjudicating the countless minor squabbles and foibles among her town's residents, she realized that it was one person's teachings in particular that helped her when dealing with those offenders: her mother, a woman who possessed remarkable grace, strength, and simple insight.

Her mother's "rules" for a life that saw her grow up the daughter of a poor teen mother who endured a husband who suffered mental illness and alcoholism, while raising Lynn and her equally successful and well-adjusted sister, provide the grounding for Lynn's story of her life, her family, and her career. The worldview that shaped them is based on learning how to conquer anger and become immune to insult. Lynn shows how the mindset of "a black woman who knew how to make things work" taught her about the power of knowing how to manage one's emotional business-lessons that this book offers in wrenching stories written in gracefully spare and powerful prose. My Mother's Rules is an unforgettable memoir that will captivate readers with its illustrations of how to rise above the most difficult circumstances and find peace and success in life.

Lynn Toler received her BA from Harvard University and her JD from the University of Pennsylvania before spending ten years as a practicing attorney, and then seven years as administrative judge of Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. In 2001, shehosted the TV show Power of Attorney, and her new show, Judge Lynn Toler,is scheduled to debut in January of 2007.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Memoir

300 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Lynn C. Toler is the judge of the television series Divorce Court, replacing Mablean Ephriam in 2006. She previously hosted the court show Power of Attorney. Toler brought tenacity and compassion to the courtroom enforcing nontraditional judgments, such as hand written essays.

Judge Toler is the author of My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius, in which she describes how she dealt as a child with her father's erratic behavior due to his bipolar disorder.

She earned an undergraduate degree in English and American Literature from Harvard in 1981 and a Juris Doctor from the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 1984. Toler currently resides in Ohio with her husband of 17 years and two teenage sons.

Reviews

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should have a mother like hers!

It would be fantastic if this was required reading in high schools everywhere. I'm truly amazed by her memoir and how she came to be who she is today.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I was reading, I felt like Judge Lynn Toler put her heart and soul into the writing of this book. I wasn't surprised to find out at the end that she wrote it over the course of 6 years. I learned so much useful advice. My only complaint is I wish she'd expanded more on some stories and lessons. But you know it's a good book when you're left wanting more!

I definitely will look through these rules again. So many gems in such a short time. I felt this book is especially helpful for learning how to better control your emotions and deal with feelings of anger. It was also extremely interesting and eye-opening to hear Toler candidly recall the events of her childhood. I love hearing her share wisdom on her show, and I'm so glad I decided to learn more about her by reading this book.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A no-nonsense advice/life-skills book. Toler's experience growing up in a complicated family environment, and later sitting as a municipal judge, informs her common-sensical everyday rules for negotiation, relationship-building, and keeping one's own cool.

[Nella Coiro · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in 3 days. Couldn’t put it down. With eloquence and practical wisdom, Judge Toler takes you on a journey as she shares all of the wisdom that her mother shared with her. A must read.

[June · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent practical advice 👏 delivered in a no nonsense manner.

[Joey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a fan of Judge Lynn's for over a decade, and this book (part memoir, part self-help) has incredibly useful, practical advice for learning to manage anxiety and acting in opposition to how you feel.

[Maribel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learning: In any situation, it’s crucial to first examine the role you play in it. Take a moment to pause and reflect to ensure that your response is thoughtful and intentional. It takes two to tango.

[La Hja · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been procrastinating to read this book, which turned out to be the biggest mistake I've ever done. I couldn't put it down. The author was precise and to the point. It made loads of sense and anyone can easily learn a lot out of it. Very inspirational.
ratings out of 10,
9.5/10

[D.H.E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is the first book that I have read that gave examples that I could relate to as well as practical steps in how to deal with correcting behavior. Amazing job, I am totally a Lynn Toler fan now!

[Stosch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Always liked her. I remember her saying on her show once "if i was left to my own devices Id be living in a cave" . In the same episode she talked about how you have to fight how you feel. Forcing yourself to do things that need to be done. That made me Google her and saw she wrote a book I thought id give it a whirl.

Excellent book. She talks about her childhood a bit. Rest of the book is a list of how to overcome emotional pitfalls and reactions etc. With each tactic she uses an example in her own life which really helps. Its Stoic advice for our day and age.

Highly recommend this book to anyone who has emotional problems. Quite a few sections im going to collect so I can keep reading it throughout my day. Havent read another book exactly like this.

[Raedell Cannie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok but I like hearing her spit wisdom on Divorce Court better!

I absolutely love Judge Lynn and the way she sees people beyond how they are showing up in Divorce Court. It was nice to learn more about her and how she developed such insight through reading this book. It was a bit slow and erratic at times and some of the rules seem similar. But she gives great instruction on self-management and regulation of emotions. As a highly anxious and highly sensitive person it was helpful to see how someone else with deep anxiety and depression manages and loves themselves.

[Ashley Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty insightful book. I'm beyond shocked by how colorful her life has been during her childhood and marriage. The writing was easy to digest but it can be difficult reading the amount of rules. The advice is practical and everyday, not written for the academia. I enjoyed her examples and honesty. I found myself highlighting a good portion of the rules and I can see myself revisiting them. Good thing there's a section dedicated to listing out the rules.

[Faiga Alawad · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Lynn Toler, first watch it in the TV drama "Divorce Court". She is a real Judge with a graduate degree from a low school and comes on TV to solve couples problems.
Raised in a cracked house, and had herself anxiously issues she is a genius herself in emotional control and it was nice to listen to her 7 hours book on the weekend. Learned a lot about humans emotions and the techniques to keep mine in hold.

[Sophonie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book!!! Def is a book you need to reread. I’m grateful to have come across this book because it’s literally a rule book on how to be more emotionally intelligent. It talks about a topic a lot of people overlook. We really don’t know how much our emotions control us, our actions, or words, until you do the necessary work to change it! 10/10 recommend!! More people def need to read this gem!!

[Sikelelwa Siki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started following Judge Lynn Toler on instagram about a year ago. The advise that she gives is amazing. This book contains practical advise around what you should do when your emotional well-being becomes skewed. Thank you for opening up your life to the world in order to write this book. It’s a great book and I will be re-reading it!

[Tia Sinclair · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book after listening to a recent interview with The Honorable Judge. It has been suggested that I write down the principal and words to live by that I share. Now I know I can simply refer them to this book. If they apply it, many can be find in these pages a blueprint to things that will lead to sanity.

[Paige Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I normally don't review non-fiction/ self-help because it's so subjective, but take this with a grain of salt. I have been a fan of hers for a long time. This book is half an autobiography and half self-help, how to deal with anger. I loved both. The stories about her life were heartwarming, and the rules always hit the right note. Hopefully, it won't take me 18+ years to learn them.

[Evita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. Usually I struggle reading this type of books but not Mrs.Toler’s book. She speak with so much confidence and intelligence that you would never thought she dealt with anxiety issues. This book will inspire and teach you numerous life lessons, definitely a must-read

[Rumbi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really struggled to connect with this book. I read “Letters to the daughter I never had” and absolutely loved it. I assumed this one would be in the same format. Unfortunately this book was too lengthy and seems to be more of an autobiography than anything else. I get that her mum taught her the lessons but I at least wanted to know more about the lessons on being an emotional genius than her emotionally traumatic childhood. After reading the book I know more about her childhood than I do those rules.

[Jennette Bingham · Rating 5 out of 5]

interesting and informative.

There seems to be honesty in this book and many lessons to learn. I recommend all readers use the rules and steps in mind when facing life circumstances.

[Justina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book and would recommend every reader to grab a copy. Lynn Toler in this memoir proffers guiding principles to help manage our emotions and stressful situations better. It's highly motivational and thought gripping.

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be a very insightful book.

[Rowan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book, I really did, but her traumatic childhood is kind of triggering my own traumatic childhood. This books is probably great for some people, just not for me.

[Miss.terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book. I liked the author before the book; however, after reading I have a great deal more respect for her wisdom.

[Sylvie M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the many mini lessons. The narrative of her parents life is inspiring. I will be siting some of the gems in my daily conversation.

[Babs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book about successful emotional management especially for women who have issues with aggression, unrealistic fears, self-esteem, and caring too much about others think.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! So many nuggets of straightforward reminders of common sense. We are all in need of that these days. ❤️

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book on several layers. I liked how she combined telling her families story along with the lessons learned.

[Natasha DeJesus-Boston · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve always admire Judge Lynn Toler. Her story is amazing and I identified with some of her experiences and am in awe of the caliber of woman she is.

[Joyceline MK · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the Audiobook even more. This was another good book from Judge Toler that can be passed on to our daughters.