Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men

by Peggy Drexler

Raising thriving, emotionally healthy sons does not require a man around the house! That's the conclusion of a groundbreaking research study that will open eyes, stir debate, and reassure nearly 10 million single mothers.

As the number of single-mom and two-mom households has grown, so have concerns about the possible damage to boys caused by the lack of a male role model in the house. Peggy F. Drexler, Ph.D., listened to all the dire warnings; but her training as a research psychologist told her she had to see the evidence. So she embarked on a long-term study comparing boys raised in female-headed families with those whose fathers were present throughout their childhood. What Dr. Drexler discovered is as heartening as it is
o Female-headed households may be even better parents for boys than households with men
o Sons from these families are growing up emotionally stronger, more empathetic, and more well-rounded than boys from "traditional" mother-father families
o While more in touch with their feelings, these boys remain boyish and masculine in all the ways defined by our culture
Raising Boys Without Men offers an inclusive vision of what family can mean and a blueprint for raising happier, healthier sons.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Self Help, Psychology, Family

240 pages, Hardcover

First published August 20, 2005

Reviews

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is not a sociological treatise and aside from being written by a sociologist (or was it anthropologist), it should not be read as such. Many other people have critiqued it for its blanket statements, repetitiveness, etc.

The Amazon reviews on this book went on for pages and were very angry at times. I disagree that the book is arguing that moms are better parents than dads, or that 2-mom households are superior to traditional households. The book, rather, defends single mom and 2-mom households as appropriate alternative families for boys to grow up in. Mom and dad families are great too! Sometimes the author didn't say that enough to the taste of traditional families, many of whom have dissed the book (mostly men who felt offended that fathers might not be necessary.) Parents are necessary of course and fathers are a parent like mothers. If you have a mother-father family, of course you're necessary! If you have a two mother family, both moms are part of the equation! Everyone should relax and be happy with whatever family situation they have and not worry about people making other choices.

It would be interesting to read a book about daughters raised by 2 men or single dads. I think it would show that those daughters are as well-adjusted as these boys. I think when you have two parents, or even one parent (but I do think two parents is easier) - and they want the child and they are willing to support that child - that it's going to turn out all right. Gender doesn't have much to do with it so much as having a support system, being prepared to be a parent, and doing your best job.

What I liked best about the book were the stories about the boys. The boys seemed interesting, smart and well-adjusted. As the expecting mother of a boy in a 2-mom family, I felt better reading about the different types of boys and I also felt reassured that I could be a good mom (and dad at times) even though I have no experience with boys.

[Miss Lasko-Gross · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this book might provide an interesting perspective on raising a son, but what it delivers is an odd faux-empowering female supremacist world view.

It's an uncomfortable read for anyone who loves men and appreciates that their contributions to the world go beyond providing "seed" and being somewhat distant masculine role models for this new breed of "Head and Heart Boys." (Boys whom the author never misses a chance to point out are superior in every way to traditional men/boys largely due to the absence of male influence)

It's possible that living in New York City I take for granted that single Moms, blended families and Lesbian couples make just as great (or awful) parents as anyone else. Maybe there is a place for a book that not only values non-traditional families but glorifies them at the expense of all others. That place is not my bookshelf.

[Renee · Rating 1 out of 5]

The focus of this book was one dimensional...too much on raising a son in a same sex marriage.

[Laura Lawless · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thought this admittedly dated book would still have gems of wisdom, but what it had was homophobia and transphobia, an absence of scientific data, an oberreliance on the anecdotal stories of a wealthy, privileged wet of white parents, and little practical advice. I finished it for the same reason I slow at traffic accidents.

[Melodie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book and I did enjoy the premise. But the topic was better suited to an article - the book was just drawn-out. Reading the back cover is enough.

[Maggie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this would be a little more insightful as to raising boys as a single mom...I was dissapointed...

[Marouan Abed · Rating 1 out of 5]

You gotta be a genuis to write a book this bad..

[Nathan Bender · Rating 1 out of 5]

Full of confirmation bias, and very selective interviews, and "anecdotes" galore.

Lot's drop some real scientific study statistics here, shall we:

Children in fatherless households are 20x more likely to be incarcerated. (Texas Dept. of Corrections, 2018).

85% of children from fatherless homes are more likely to exhibit a behavioral dysfunction than those of two-parent homes. (Center for Disease Control, 2018).

[Jeanette Rupel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliant book. I recommend it to all moms of boys, no matter if the father is in their lives or not. This book encourages the mother-son bond, citing evidence that boys raised by mothers turn into men who are more empathetic, more in touch with their feelings, and better able to discuss their feelings. While this is geared for the single mother, I found is a helpful reminder that fathers do not always know what's best for raising boys (example boys don't need to shut out their parents to become men) and that mothers shouldn't leave the physical parts of child raising to fathers. It also pointed out that boys benefit from a variety of good male role models. I cannot say enough about this book. I actually have to replace my copy because I gave it away.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though I'm afraid people will think I'm divorced when I carry it around, I have enjoyed the practical insights found here. The author followed 2-mom and single mom households of boys and talks about the characteristics which seem to have led to the raising of some really cool guys. I figure if I can include some of these things and still have an involved husband/dad, then we're getting all sorts of benefits, right?? Easy read, interesting stories, and helpful bullet points at the end of each chapter. Some redundancy, but that's only slightly annoying.

[KD · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book uses extensive research with single mom and lesbian families to show that the absence of a father in the home does not negatively impact boys; in fact they may have more contact with a wide range of men than boys with a father at home do, and they are often more verbal and more emotionally mature than their peers in conventional families. The book is worth reading for these points, however I found the writing style boring and so I skimmed it. Thankfully the author summarizes each chapter with bullet points so you can get the gist of it while skimming all the anecdotes.

[Steph]

I guess this book is a product of its time (and place?), showing how far we’ve come in the last 15 years. I respect the intent of demonstrating how well single-mothers do at parenting, and what we can learn from their successes, but I agree that it’s more suited to an article than a book, or perhaps the target audience is less-confident parents. Not sure.

Oh and it should be called Raising Boys Without *Dads*, since every kid in this book has men in their lives.

Three stars as read in the year 2021, but perhaps it was stronger in the context of a 2005 when it was first released.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was interesting, not entertaining, reinforcing the thought that women can and do successfully raise boys without the influence of men. It even makes you ponder whether or not men are more sensitive and caring, less likely to fall into gender roles without the daily influence of man. Most of the informations you already know.

[Jennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly ideas that sound familiar, yet many a good reminder of how to approach patenting challenges--appreciated the specific examples from her case studies.

Interesting fact: p 168 about boys being more fragile than girls, so being tough with them is not the way to go.

[Karla Strand · Rating 3 out of 5]

some good points, some obvious

[Alice]

Just picked this up today. Can't wait to read it!