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The Only Girl in the Car: A Memoir
The Only Girl in the Car
Bookworm and dreamer, Kathy was a young girl with a tender heart, an adventurer’s spirit, and a child’s terrible confusion about her proper place in the world. As the oldest daughter in a family of six children, she seemed trapped in her role as Big Sister and Mommy’s Helper. Then, one day, teetering on the brink of adolescence, hormones surging, she heard someone call her “cheesecake,” and suddenly saw her path.
“Cheesecake, jailbait, sex kitten”--the very words seemed to be “doors opening” to a splendid new self. But from the moment she decides to lose her virginity and reels in her prey, a “full-grown man,” fourteen-year-old Kathy is headed for trouble. One cold, raw March night some months later, parked in a car with four boys on the outskirts of her small suburban town, she finds it.
Though she could never have foreseen the outcome of that night, the “boys in the car could just as well have been Gypsies foretelling my future,” she writes. Girls who break the rules in small towns like the one she lived in are expected to pay a very high price for their transgressions--and she did.
And yet...this young girl, as scrappy a protagonist as any in our literature, manages to transform her fate. The story of how she came to be in that car, and how she stepped out of it forever altered, to be sure, yet not forever damaged, is the theme of this extraordinary coming-of-age tale.
Bookworm and dreamer, Kathy was a young girl with a tender heart, an adventurer’s spirit, and a child’s terrible confusion about her proper place in the world. As the oldest daughter in a family of six children, she seemed trapped in her role as Big Sister and Mommy’s Helper. Then, one day, teetering on the brink of adolescence, hormones surging, she heard someone call her “cheesecake,” and suddenly saw her path.
“Cheesecake, jailbait, sex kitten”--the very words seemed to be “doors opening” to a splendid new self. But from the moment she decides to lose her virginity and reels in her prey, a “full-grown man,” fourteen-year-old Kathy is headed for trouble. One cold, raw March night some months later, parked in a car with four boys on the outskirts of her small suburban town, she finds it.
Though she could never have foreseen the outcome of that night, the “boys in the car could just as well have been Gypsies foretelling my future,” she writes. Girls who break the rules in small towns like the one she lived in are expected to pay a very high price for their transgressions--and she did.
And yet...this young girl, as scrappy a protagonist as any in our literature, manages to transform her fate. The story of how she came to be in that car, and how she stepped out of it forever altered, to be sure, yet not forever damaged, is the theme of this extraordinary coming-of-age tale.
228 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews
June 22, 2012
This was truly a great read and a wonderful coming-of-age tale, but the reason I only give it 4 stars is because I felt as though Dobie was not being completely honest to the reader. Sometimes it seemed like she was almost in denial of her own story. She takes the role of the lost, rebellious girl of a morally-righteous family who is "looking for love in all the wrong places." While the reader must remember that she is only 14 years old at the time, it was still difficult for me to believe that she was not completely aware of how much trouble she was getting herself into, blind to the consequences of her actions. When Dobie gives the reader a glimpse inside the many nights she spent late at night in the cars of boys, she always seems to understand what she's getting herself into; but as soon as she steps out into the real world, she becomes so naïve to her own situation. I had a hard time understanding her mind-set. Either way, it was good to see her turn her life around in such a way that she could look back to such unfortunate events and tell it in her own optimistic perspective.
March 30, 2011
This was such a sad story, but so understandable. I ached for this girl who had such a gut wrenching need to be loved for herself, and who went about finding that love in the wrong ways with the wrong people. I understood her need to be who she wanted to be, and the claustrophobia she felt when she saw the "type" that many around her expected her to be. That this created friction in her family that eventually deteriorated into volatility was unsurprising, as was her search for acceptance among peers...not realizing at the time that those to whom she turned would damage her in ways she could not imagine. What does seem somewhat surprising (to me) is the short amount of time it took for her to really hit bottom. You don't envision that situations like what Dobie described can develop so fast...but they can, and the fallout is enormous. Twenty plus years later, the effects are still apparent. What is comforting here is that she survived without more damage...and that, even at age 15, she understood that she could change her life, and set about to do so.
May 24, 2023
Well, this was sad and spellbinding. I couldn’t stop reading. Very graphic memoir of the author’s young teenage years. She had an ideal family, but longed to growup and be free, and thought that meant becoming sexually active at age 14. She enjoyed sneaking out at night and having wild adventures with men and boys (some over 40). She loved their attention and their desire and would have sex with whoever, wherever. It’s a miracle she wasn’t killed. She did, however suffer because of her stupidity/naivety. She was used terribly by the boys she thought cared about her, who would then spread the word about the things she’d do with them. The girls and boys of the community both despised her for the same reason, her being willing to do anything a guy asked. Her wake up call came one night in the back of a car with a bunch of boys/men. This pivotal moment was the turning point in her life. This book reminded me of girls I knew, some not so lucky to come back from the edge of life changing addictions. My heart broke for her mom; it seemed she did everything right yet how do you protect your child from themselves???
March 17, 2010
I almost want to give this two stars because unless I really, really hate a book I don't like to hand out a one star. But I didn't finish this and I wasn't into it at all so I can't say that it's okay.
I actually started this a week ago and I'm usually on a book for a day or two before I finish. A week later and I'm not even a quarter of the way in.
I don't like Dobie and I found myself not caring about her or her family or friends. The stories were boring to me. I don't care that she only has two pictures of so and so. Or that her brother ran away a hundred times. Or that her Dad used to tickle her. There's nothing here that grabbed me in any way.
It's very slow and that's a compliment. I could say it's at a stand still honestly.
Another pet peeve of mine is when an author over details everything. I don't know if some authors do this intentionally or not but it's almost like there is a certain number or words needed and maybe there is nothing important to say so let's add in some details about nothing. Sometimes it seems it's done to make themselves sound more intelligent. I can't guess.
That's what this is all about - the tree can't just be this and that. It has to be tall, green, branchy, planted in the dirt, in this state, with a bird in it, with the bird on this branch, an ant walking on the trunk. Enough alread! At least make it an interesting subject if you're going to detail it in such a manner!
There are quite a few good reviews on this so it must not be so bad. It's just far too bland for my taste.
I actually started this a week ago and I'm usually on a book for a day or two before I finish. A week later and I'm not even a quarter of the way in.
I don't like Dobie and I found myself not caring about her or her family or friends. The stories were boring to me. I don't care that she only has two pictures of so and so. Or that her brother ran away a hundred times. Or that her Dad used to tickle her. There's nothing here that grabbed me in any way.
It's very slow and that's a compliment. I could say it's at a stand still honestly.
Another pet peeve of mine is when an author over details everything. I don't know if some authors do this intentionally or not but it's almost like there is a certain number or words needed and maybe there is nothing important to say so let's add in some details about nothing. Sometimes it seems it's done to make themselves sound more intelligent. I can't guess.
That's what this is all about - the tree can't just be this and that. It has to be tall, green, branchy, planted in the dirt, in this state, with a bird in it, with the bird on this branch, an ant walking on the trunk. Enough alread! At least make it an interesting subject if you're going to detail it in such a manner!
There are quite a few good reviews on this so it must not be so bad. It's just far too bland for my taste.
August 4, 2014
I found it hard to buy into the author's pop-psychology summation of herself and the people in her life, and after she stated that a student in her school was stabbed by a pencil and almost died of lead poisoning, I was put in the uncomfortable place of doubting the details that she used to create her narrative.
October 27, 2014
I had very mixed feelings about this book.
During the first few chapters, there was this feeling of being 'soiled' to be reading a book about a 14 year old girl who is 'giving out' - like I peering through someone's bedroom window.
It was kind of bearable, so long as I kept in mind that the book was a memoir. It still felt a bit voyeuristic to be reading about the sexploits of a young teenager; but, rightly or wrongly, I could stand it if I understood these to be the true experiences of the now grown up female author.
Then, about half way through, I was trying to change the settings on Goodreads to an edition that more closely matched the one I had (an uncorrected proof) and I came across an edition that appeared to have been written by "Peter Turrini".
Immediately my perception of the book changed - here I was reading a book written by a middle aged male (judging by the picture) pretending to be a girl who was barely more than a child. It took me a good while to persuade myself that the author on that edition was incorrect and had been set to Peter Turrini by mistake. In the meantime, I had seriously considered taking the book into the garden and burning it.
I finished the book, and passed it on to a work colleague (a lapsed Catholic) to see what she thought of it (as of this today she is not finding it easy to get into), but the whole experience really makes me question how my experience of a book is shaped by what I know (or not) about the writer.
It makes me question the entire nature of received wisdom and tends me to the belief that the best way to learn about anything is through direct experience rather than through the unreliable (for me) filter of other people's thoughts and words.
The book itself is well written and easy to read, tending towards a literary style, but the subject matter may not be to everyone's taste.
It's funny about books - sometimes the experience is more about me than it is about the actual book or, by extension, the author.
Hmm.
During the first few chapters, there was this feeling of being 'soiled' to be reading a book about a 14 year old girl who is 'giving out' - like I peering through someone's bedroom window.
It was kind of bearable, so long as I kept in mind that the book was a memoir. It still felt a bit voyeuristic to be reading about the sexploits of a young teenager; but, rightly or wrongly, I could stand it if I understood these to be the true experiences of the now grown up female author.
Then, about half way through, I was trying to change the settings on Goodreads to an edition that more closely matched the one I had (an uncorrected proof) and I came across an edition that appeared to have been written by "Peter Turrini".
Immediately my perception of the book changed - here I was reading a book written by a middle aged male (judging by the picture) pretending to be a girl who was barely more than a child. It took me a good while to persuade myself that the author on that edition was incorrect and had been set to Peter Turrini by mistake. In the meantime, I had seriously considered taking the book into the garden and burning it.
I finished the book, and passed it on to a work colleague (a lapsed Catholic) to see what she thought of it (as of this today she is not finding it easy to get into), but the whole experience really makes me question how my experience of a book is shaped by what I know (or not) about the writer.
It makes me question the entire nature of received wisdom and tends me to the belief that the best way to learn about anything is through direct experience rather than through the unreliable (for me) filter of other people's thoughts and words.
The book itself is well written and easy to read, tending towards a literary style, but the subject matter may not be to everyone's taste.
It's funny about books - sometimes the experience is more about me than it is about the actual book or, by extension, the author.
Hmm.
June 29, 2015
Just wonder what her parents thought she was doing? And where was her sister who was one year younger and "so close they knew what each other was thinking"; did they never talk about where Kathy was every night?
December 31, 2023
Great book! Very brave, beautiful writing and compelling story about the dark shadow slut shaming casts, and the incredible ability of the human spirit to survive trauma, bullying and social rejection. Big ups to Dobie for going all out. I’m looking forward to reading more of her stuff in the future.
May 17, 2012
Ugh. For the first 75% of this book I was thinking, "wait, is this girl only 14?" and "wait, her mom was home when this creep came into their front yard?"
and then "She left at 10 pm when she was 15 years and her parents were cool with it?"
and then "Why didn't her parents know where she was going?"
and then "Why didn't her parents have a HUGE problem with a 33 year old man coming into their home and taking their daughter out??!"
At one point, Lil Miss Dobie is reflecting on when she was 14 and describes herself as something along the lines of "brimming with sultry sexuality." I actually said out loud, "P.S. you were not, you were fucking 14 years old."
And then it all comes around. Something terrible that should never happen to anyone happened to her. Her naivete comes crashing down and crushes her. Everything we all saw coming finally came. And it made me pity Kathy Dobie.
When people write books like these, with subject matters like these, it makes me wonder how/what/if they told their parents. Did Kathy sit her parents down and say, "hey guys, I wrote a book and it got picked up by a publisher. This is a copy from the first publication. I hope you enjoy it." OR did she say something like, "hey guys. I wrote a book and it is being published. I figured I would tell you what it is about, so when your friend from church says, 'I heard Kathy wrote a book, I got a presale copy' you can be prepared to be avoided in the grocery store by said friend." OR did she say, "Thought you guys might want to know what I am going to write about my sexual exploits as a 14-year old girl. Also, the 33 year old guy you met ended up taking my virginity awkwardly in the back of his car."
and then "She left at 10 pm when she was 15 years and her parents were cool with it?"
and then "Why didn't her parents know where she was going?"
and then "Why didn't her parents have a HUGE problem with a 33 year old man coming into their home and taking their daughter out??!"
At one point, Lil Miss Dobie is reflecting on when she was 14 and describes herself as something along the lines of "brimming with sultry sexuality." I actually said out loud, "P.S. you were not, you were fucking 14 years old."
And then it all comes around. Something terrible that should never happen to anyone happened to her. Her naivete comes crashing down and crushes her. Everything we all saw coming finally came. And it made me pity Kathy Dobie.
When people write books like these, with subject matters like these, it makes me wonder how/what/if they told their parents. Did Kathy sit her parents down and say, "hey guys, I wrote a book and it got picked up by a publisher. This is a copy from the first publication. I hope you enjoy it." OR did she say something like, "hey guys. I wrote a book and it is being published. I figured I would tell you what it is about, so when your friend from church says, 'I heard Kathy wrote a book, I got a presale copy' you can be prepared to be avoided in the grocery store by said friend." OR did she say, "Thought you guys might want to know what I am going to write about my sexual exploits as a 14-year old girl. Also, the 33 year old guy you met ended up taking my virginity awkwardly in the back of his car."
November 17, 2011
I really didn't enjoy this book. I felt like I had to keep reading it, because I wanted it to climax. I kept waiting for the author to have an epiphany of some sort, but that never happened.
(SPOILER ALERT)
I liked the author's memories of her childhood, and reading the first third of the book. So I wanted her to succeed, I wanted her to to become a heroine. That just never happened at all. She only spends a miniscule section at the end of the book discussing how she got over what had happened and how it affected her adult life. If she would have spent as much time on that portion of the book as she did on reminiscing about her childhood, it would have had a point. But there is not point to this book!
The only lesson I got out of this book, is don't have sex when you are 14 years old, and don't be a slut. That's it plain and simple. I wouldn't waste my time with this book or anything else by Kathy Dobie.
(SPOILER ALERT)
I liked the author's memories of her childhood, and reading the first third of the book. So I wanted her to succeed, I wanted her to to become a heroine. That just never happened at all. She only spends a miniscule section at the end of the book discussing how she got over what had happened and how it affected her adult life. If she would have spent as much time on that portion of the book as she did on reminiscing about her childhood, it would have had a point. But there is not point to this book!
The only lesson I got out of this book, is don't have sex when you are 14 years old, and don't be a slut. That's it plain and simple. I wouldn't waste my time with this book or anything else by Kathy Dobie.
February 21, 2011
More like 3.5 stars if it were possible. Maybe even 4. I appreciated her honesty and lack of defensiveness in telling her story. What was missing for me was why she chose this path. It seemed like such a deliberate choice and such a radical change from her childhood. This didn't make the book less interesting for me though. It was actually thought provoking. Can this happen to any 14 year old? It seemed like her parents tried so hard to be good parents. I would have thought that something major would have had to happen in her life for her to go this way. Maybe I missed something. Maybe she didn't have enough insight in telling the story. Or most disturbing of all, maybe any 14 could go down this path.
April 20, 2012
This book was sad to me - I have known girls like her, who wanted attention so badly that they would do whatever guys tell them to do, just to get that attention. The ending was great, and I am so happy that she turned her life around and realized the mistakes she made and that she was willing to write about it in the hopes to spare other young girls the humilation she endured as a result of her actions. Kudos to her for being brave enough to write about this issue that not many people think about.
December 18, 2008
This book is stunning about a young girl in New Jersey who is full of life and sexuality and her story about what happens to her and the lack of trust towards men as a result. I remember Kathy Dobie because she used to write for the Village Voice and we were in the same school for our undergraduate; she is a terrific writer. The end becomes flat with where she brings the story up to her current life. I stayed riveted till near the end with her story. She is brave to have written this book.
November 6, 2008
Wow - so powerful. This is a sad story but not written in a way to bring you down. She is an amazing writer. While this book has a traumatic event in it, that's not what the book is about. The book is about risk taking and being a woman in a man's world. Her painfully honest account of her behavior is powerful.
December 7, 2007
"Extravagant feelings need to be expressed physically... just to hold him was a revelation."
"The truth of this was suddenly real. I could have died; she had saved my life. We thought that's what being sisters meant."
"The truth of this was suddenly real. I could have died; she had saved my life. We thought that's what being sisters meant."
September 17, 2010
The Only Girl in the Car is at once as comfortable as a dear friend and as terrifying as a dear friend's darkest secret. Open and honest and dignified, this is the memoir, often funny, of a family, but, most of all, of a remarkable and resilient girl's intimacy with her own mistakes.
June 30, 2014
The book is about Kathy who overcame great obstacles including being gang raped and labeled the school slut and used those experiences to propel her to a life of meaning as a feature writer for magazines. I thought it is was an inspiring story of how one has the ability to self correct after making the wrong choices in life so I give this book 3 stars.
Kathy was a horny girl who always knew she craved physical affection. She was a girly girl who was always imagining things with her head up in the clouds. Kathy really grew up in an idyllic household in which her parents were in love and her siblings and her got along. But even the most idyllic household is no match for adolescent hormones and the wreckage it can bring. Kathy became completely selfless so she would become special in her mother's eyes, a St. Katheline. Unfortunately, she has a thing for bad boys who are loners. Kathy was attracted to outsiders be it the bad boy with no friends or her spinster aunt.
It must be a universal event that girls and boys self-segregate during puberty. Kathy seems to be real sexually charged @ 6th grade. Kathy and 2 of her friends created Julie as their sexual alter ego who seemed real to them after awhile. Kathy felt kinship with Julie in that Kathy wanted to be bold and solitary like Julie. Kathy seems to be well suited for fiction writing as she created Julie and she seemed real to her. Kathy loved reading b/c it seemed to be a window to places she has never been but unlike her mother, she wanted to experience life as though she was one of the characters from the books she read. At 14, she continued to be sexually precocious as she would re-read stories with sexual references in it. She also became jailbait to men during her family camping trip and she shockingly discovered men found her desirable.
Her father was a good storyteller who his kids loved b/c of his stories. Her father asked his children for their opinion about current events. He expected his children to have opinions about current events to live in the world and not in their heads. He loved to debate and at times he would get so caught up in the debate that he would forget that it was children he was debating. Her father believed everyone had a part to play in this life.
Bill was the first to rebel from "The Family". Bill had a romantic nature combined with reckless heart and tender hearted can only lead to trouble. While Michael was the responsible brainy son, Bill carved the role of rebel but did not have the heart for it to be totally committed to it. Her mother was resistant to the change engulfing her family b/c she knew her choice to be a stay @ home mom would be soon derided by the feminist movt as antiquated. Bill wanted to be his own man outside of Michaels purview.
Whereas Sylvia saw the Dobie family as a well runned army with everyone knowing what chores to do, Kathy saw her family as suspicious of outsiders but deeply loyal to each other.
14 yrs old Kathy decided to lose her virginity to a 33 yrs old man named Brian and followed that up with a sexual encounter a 42 yrs old trust fund baby named Victor. Kathy loved bad boys because they knew what they wanted and went for it while nice boys made her feel awkward b/c they themselves were awkward. She decided to run away b/c she wanted to be with all the bad boys she could handle. She was boy crazy and made up stories and tried to run away just to be with them. She was attracted to boys who were unrestrained although she did not like the destructive energy that they gave off during parties. She would rather be engulfed by a 16 yrs old boys desire rather than wait for his respect. Small town in the 70 were just beginning to feel the effects of the rebellious 60's and so Kathy's mother received the brunt of her rebelliousness.
She decided to have sex like the boys and flaunt her sexuality like men so she got a bad reputation. Since she thought any reputation especially a bad one is good, she did not care about tiny whispers that besmirched her good name. She even did not care that the Queen B's in her school were talking about her highly sexual escapades. She hung out with the multi-cultural crowd.
She loved the mischievous Jimmy whose happy-go-lucky attitude hid his bad boy tendencies. She must yearn for physical intimacy b/c she has never had an orgasm yet but still loves having sex with men. Kath did not notice that Jimmy had a girlfriend named Crissy and her crew became openly hostile to Kath and her Boyz were nothing more than Jimmy's posse. She failed to realize that she was the only interloper of the bunch.
Trouble found her when Jimmy and his boys went to where Kath babysat and destroyed the Lugano's home and scared their little boy. What is worse is Kath was loyal to her Boyz and refuse to rat them out to the cops. Because of what she allowed to happen to the Lugano's home, her father was so mad that he no longer spoke to her at the dinner table and she lost all her babysitting gigs forever. Jimmy and his Boyz felt Kath betrayed them by getting them for the damages that they had done to the Lugano's home. Her father found out that Jimmy had a probation record that Kath thought just came with the package of who Jimmy is. So like a good father, he grounded Kath which she ignored and went out with Jimmy anyway.
Kath got what she deserved by fawning over delinquents she got gang raped by Jimmy and his boys and the fact that she would be ever associated with being a cum rag for the Jimmy and his boys while he had a real girlfriend served to wake her up from the dream she made up about Jimmy and herself. Although I think she got what she deserved from wanting a sleeze bag like Jimmy who has a probation record a mile long, a high school drop out and disobeying her father in seeing him, I do not think she should have been jeered by the gangbang by the girls in the Teen Center who clearly hated her for being so loose with the boys. B/c she wanted to be famous, she has now been branded the town slut and both boys and girls thought that she would be the towns punchline. After reading Basketball Diaries, she concluded all boys saw girls who gave it up as sluts.
Kath was able to escape the bad press in her life only by focusing on her sister, Cindy, who had issues with her back and so needed her sister's help to cheer her up. As a result of focusing on someone else issues, she gained perspective in her life. Unfortunately, Kath wanted to talk to Jimmy in what happened during the gangbang so she went to see her only to have him reject her again and to find that he told his friends that she was staying with Sylvia to the horror of Sylvia's mother who promptly kicked Kath out.
B/c Kath was ridiculed by her peers and was banned from visiting Sylvia, she retreated into herself into a world of writing and reading. Fortunately for her, she had a gift for creative writing and teacher who encouraged her creativity. She decided to transform herself from someone who was a believer to an atheist who still talked to God and wanted to do away with her past and live for the future after high school. She was able to transform her outsiders status into something useful. With her parents giving her a typewriter for Christmas and tickets to see a musical in NYC, she dreamed of a time when she would be able to become a writer in NYC out of her small town that labeled her a slut and into the anonymity of the big city where she could make a name for herself.
While she turned inward becoming more of self-absorbed intellectual, Cindy was becoming popular with both male and female as her friends which Kathy could not stand. She found comfort in Ayn Rand and loved that her heros were all male who loves his work so much that the outside world will try to destroy him for it. The heroes are always pure and uncompromising. What was good about Rand is that Kathy pariah status suddenly acquired nobility status. She turned her pariah status to a sense of superiority toward human race. A job got her out of her Rand persona into a state of simply being. As a member of a team, she is liked and she likes people she works with in return. At least, Kathy had fellow outcast black friends who looked out for her bidding her time until she would leave for good for a better future.
She got accepted to NYU but dropped out b/c she could not cut it. She is now living in a big household with friends as her new family and a kind of loose domesticity in which she never lives with her boyfriend. She is a writer of nonfiction who writes about outsiders which she still gravitates towards. She is interested in the narrative a person tells him/herself in order to survive a given ordeal. She has arrived in what she wants to do with her life and used her bad experience as a way to move forward.
Kathy was a horny girl who always knew she craved physical affection. She was a girly girl who was always imagining things with her head up in the clouds. Kathy really grew up in an idyllic household in which her parents were in love and her siblings and her got along. But even the most idyllic household is no match for adolescent hormones and the wreckage it can bring. Kathy became completely selfless so she would become special in her mother's eyes, a St. Katheline. Unfortunately, she has a thing for bad boys who are loners. Kathy was attracted to outsiders be it the bad boy with no friends or her spinster aunt.
It must be a universal event that girls and boys self-segregate during puberty. Kathy seems to be real sexually charged @ 6th grade. Kathy and 2 of her friends created Julie as their sexual alter ego who seemed real to them after awhile. Kathy felt kinship with Julie in that Kathy wanted to be bold and solitary like Julie. Kathy seems to be well suited for fiction writing as she created Julie and she seemed real to her. Kathy loved reading b/c it seemed to be a window to places she has never been but unlike her mother, she wanted to experience life as though she was one of the characters from the books she read. At 14, she continued to be sexually precocious as she would re-read stories with sexual references in it. She also became jailbait to men during her family camping trip and she shockingly discovered men found her desirable.
Her father was a good storyteller who his kids loved b/c of his stories. Her father asked his children for their opinion about current events. He expected his children to have opinions about current events to live in the world and not in their heads. He loved to debate and at times he would get so caught up in the debate that he would forget that it was children he was debating. Her father believed everyone had a part to play in this life.
Bill was the first to rebel from "The Family". Bill had a romantic nature combined with reckless heart and tender hearted can only lead to trouble. While Michael was the responsible brainy son, Bill carved the role of rebel but did not have the heart for it to be totally committed to it. Her mother was resistant to the change engulfing her family b/c she knew her choice to be a stay @ home mom would be soon derided by the feminist movt as antiquated. Bill wanted to be his own man outside of Michaels purview.
Whereas Sylvia saw the Dobie family as a well runned army with everyone knowing what chores to do, Kathy saw her family as suspicious of outsiders but deeply loyal to each other.
14 yrs old Kathy decided to lose her virginity to a 33 yrs old man named Brian and followed that up with a sexual encounter a 42 yrs old trust fund baby named Victor. Kathy loved bad boys because they knew what they wanted and went for it while nice boys made her feel awkward b/c they themselves were awkward. She decided to run away b/c she wanted to be with all the bad boys she could handle. She was boy crazy and made up stories and tried to run away just to be with them. She was attracted to boys who were unrestrained although she did not like the destructive energy that they gave off during parties. She would rather be engulfed by a 16 yrs old boys desire rather than wait for his respect. Small town in the 70 were just beginning to feel the effects of the rebellious 60's and so Kathy's mother received the brunt of her rebelliousness.
She decided to have sex like the boys and flaunt her sexuality like men so she got a bad reputation. Since she thought any reputation especially a bad one is good, she did not care about tiny whispers that besmirched her good name. She even did not care that the Queen B's in her school were talking about her highly sexual escapades. She hung out with the multi-cultural crowd.
She loved the mischievous Jimmy whose happy-go-lucky attitude hid his bad boy tendencies. She must yearn for physical intimacy b/c she has never had an orgasm yet but still loves having sex with men. Kath did not notice that Jimmy had a girlfriend named Crissy and her crew became openly hostile to Kath and her Boyz were nothing more than Jimmy's posse. She failed to realize that she was the only interloper of the bunch.
Trouble found her when Jimmy and his boys went to where Kath babysat and destroyed the Lugano's home and scared their little boy. What is worse is Kath was loyal to her Boyz and refuse to rat them out to the cops. Because of what she allowed to happen to the Lugano's home, her father was so mad that he no longer spoke to her at the dinner table and she lost all her babysitting gigs forever. Jimmy and his Boyz felt Kath betrayed them by getting them for the damages that they had done to the Lugano's home. Her father found out that Jimmy had a probation record that Kath thought just came with the package of who Jimmy is. So like a good father, he grounded Kath which she ignored and went out with Jimmy anyway.
Kath got what she deserved by fawning over delinquents she got gang raped by Jimmy and his boys and the fact that she would be ever associated with being a cum rag for the Jimmy and his boys while he had a real girlfriend served to wake her up from the dream she made up about Jimmy and herself. Although I think she got what she deserved from wanting a sleeze bag like Jimmy who has a probation record a mile long, a high school drop out and disobeying her father in seeing him, I do not think she should have been jeered by the gangbang by the girls in the Teen Center who clearly hated her for being so loose with the boys. B/c she wanted to be famous, she has now been branded the town slut and both boys and girls thought that she would be the towns punchline. After reading Basketball Diaries, she concluded all boys saw girls who gave it up as sluts.
Kath was able to escape the bad press in her life only by focusing on her sister, Cindy, who had issues with her back and so needed her sister's help to cheer her up. As a result of focusing on someone else issues, she gained perspective in her life. Unfortunately, Kath wanted to talk to Jimmy in what happened during the gangbang so she went to see her only to have him reject her again and to find that he told his friends that she was staying with Sylvia to the horror of Sylvia's mother who promptly kicked Kath out.
B/c Kath was ridiculed by her peers and was banned from visiting Sylvia, she retreated into herself into a world of writing and reading. Fortunately for her, she had a gift for creative writing and teacher who encouraged her creativity. She decided to transform herself from someone who was a believer to an atheist who still talked to God and wanted to do away with her past and live for the future after high school. She was able to transform her outsiders status into something useful. With her parents giving her a typewriter for Christmas and tickets to see a musical in NYC, she dreamed of a time when she would be able to become a writer in NYC out of her small town that labeled her a slut and into the anonymity of the big city where she could make a name for herself.
While she turned inward becoming more of self-absorbed intellectual, Cindy was becoming popular with both male and female as her friends which Kathy could not stand. She found comfort in Ayn Rand and loved that her heros were all male who loves his work so much that the outside world will try to destroy him for it. The heroes are always pure and uncompromising. What was good about Rand is that Kathy pariah status suddenly acquired nobility status. She turned her pariah status to a sense of superiority toward human race. A job got her out of her Rand persona into a state of simply being. As a member of a team, she is liked and she likes people she works with in return. At least, Kathy had fellow outcast black friends who looked out for her bidding her time until she would leave for good for a better future.
She got accepted to NYU but dropped out b/c she could not cut it. She is now living in a big household with friends as her new family and a kind of loose domesticity in which she never lives with her boyfriend. She is a writer of nonfiction who writes about outsiders which she still gravitates towards. She is interested in the narrative a person tells him/herself in order to survive a given ordeal. She has arrived in what she wants to do with her life and used her bad experience as a way to move forward.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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January 18, 2026This book is wonderful. It is an exploration into the past, the past I grew up in, the past of the 1970s in another state, when the boys were everywhere, driving down Thurman street and speeding past Wallace Park in NW, marijuana smoke billowing out of the open windows, when they were on the hunt, skinny, determined, beautiful and sometimes even dangerous, slowing down when they saw me rushing home after dark, alone.
So much of this book reminds me of my own life during the lonely 1970's that I grew up in, in Portland Oregon, when so much of what Kathy wanted, I wanted, too. Dobie's language is lovely, elegant and always just right. The night of a wild party, she won't give the boys names who came by and trashed the house of the couple she was babysitting for, even when the police grill her and her father is furious. She protects them. I protected a boy like that once too, but for a different reason.
When she is accosted by a group of boys who knew of her, three years after that fateful night, and all the boys she had sex with as a young teen, she is reminded of how the hatred of a sexually active girl never goes away, and finds expression even in boys who don't even directly know her, but only that she was a "cunt" because she had slept around, so she was guilty of course, of some grandiose crime.
This book examines the absolute woman hatred that is taught to boys and men. The guys who suffer from the Madonna/Whore Syndrome, much like "Jimmy" did. Good girls don't like sex, or give it to you rarely. Bad girls, whores, they like sex too much. They don't say no, they enjoy it, and in the end, they come under the wrath of men and boys who basically despise women for that reason.
Though Dobie doesn't directly approach the idea of rape. She WAS raped. That cold night in March, when she was fifteen. She was raped and then victimized again by the later vilifying of the boys who assaulted her. This is such a courageous book.
I love how this is what we writers can do. I've done the same thing upon occasion. You settle scores and you do it with the pen in your hand. It's an incredible feeling of empowerment. I have so much respect for Kathy Dobie. This book is a MUST read for every girl or women who wants to understand the ways that MEN hate WOMEN. I love how in the end, she leaves those simple minded boys behind, goes to college and becomes a successful writer and author. She ended up so much more than any of them could ever hope to be. She won, in the end.
So much of this book reminds me of my own life during the lonely 1970's that I grew up in, in Portland Oregon, when so much of what Kathy wanted, I wanted, too. Dobie's language is lovely, elegant and always just right. The night of a wild party, she won't give the boys names who came by and trashed the house of the couple she was babysitting for, even when the police grill her and her father is furious. She protects them. I protected a boy like that once too, but for a different reason.
When she is accosted by a group of boys who knew of her, three years after that fateful night, and all the boys she had sex with as a young teen, she is reminded of how the hatred of a sexually active girl never goes away, and finds expression even in boys who don't even directly know her, but only that she was a "cunt" because she had slept around, so she was guilty of course, of some grandiose crime.
This book examines the absolute woman hatred that is taught to boys and men. The guys who suffer from the Madonna/Whore Syndrome, much like "Jimmy" did. Good girls don't like sex, or give it to you rarely. Bad girls, whores, they like sex too much. They don't say no, they enjoy it, and in the end, they come under the wrath of men and boys who basically despise women for that reason.
Though Dobie doesn't directly approach the idea of rape. She WAS raped. That cold night in March, when she was fifteen. She was raped and then victimized again by the later vilifying of the boys who assaulted her. This is such a courageous book.
I love how this is what we writers can do. I've done the same thing upon occasion. You settle scores and you do it with the pen in your hand. It's an incredible feeling of empowerment. I have so much respect for Kathy Dobie. This book is a MUST read for every girl or women who wants to understand the ways that MEN hate WOMEN. I love how in the end, she leaves those simple minded boys behind, goes to college and becomes a successful writer and author. She ended up so much more than any of them could ever hope to be. She won, in the end.
February 24, 2023
Kathy wächst als ältestes von sechs Kindern in einer streng religiösen Familie auf. Sie ist die perfekte Tochter und große Schwester und eine Unterstützung für ihre Mutter. Aber je älter sie wird, desto weniger gefällt ihr diese Rolle. Dann fällt ihr ihre Wirkung auf das andere Geschlecht auf und sie sieht einen Ausweg.
Kathys Wandlung von der braven Tochter zu einem Mädchen, das mit jedem Mann mitgeht, ist nicht so überraschend wie man annehmen möchte. Sie war sich schon früh ihrer Wirkung bewusst, allerdings wusste sie noch nichts damit anzufangen. Sie spielt eher als dass sie provoziert.
Dann wird alles anders. Kathy nimmt sich vor, ihre Unschuld zu verlieren und und als das passiert ist, gibt es für sie kein Halten mehr. Egal, was die anderen sagen: Sex ist für sie Macht und diese Macht kostet sie aus.
Es ist schwer vorzustellen, dass ein junges Mädchen so berechnend sein kann. Auch nicht, dass sie nicht merkt, in welche gefährliche Richtung sich das Ganze entwickelt. In der Beziehung ist sie dann doch noch ein junges Mädchen und keine erwachsene Frau, auch wenn ihr Handeln etwas anderes aussagt.
Die beiden Teile ihres Lebens sind getrennt voneinander, anders ist es kaum möglich dass Kathys Eltern nichts mitbekommen. Für sie ist Kathy immer noch die brave Tochter, während andere Personen ihr ganz andere Namen geben.
Die Geschichte hat mich verwirrt zurückgelassen. Dass ein junges Mädchen so bewusst den falschen Weg einschlägt und die Konsequenzen ihr egal sind, konnte ich nicht weder verstehen, noch konnte ich die Gründe nachvollziehen.
Kathys Wandlung von der braven Tochter zu einem Mädchen, das mit jedem Mann mitgeht, ist nicht so überraschend wie man annehmen möchte. Sie war sich schon früh ihrer Wirkung bewusst, allerdings wusste sie noch nichts damit anzufangen. Sie spielt eher als dass sie provoziert.
Dann wird alles anders. Kathy nimmt sich vor, ihre Unschuld zu verlieren und und als das passiert ist, gibt es für sie kein Halten mehr. Egal, was die anderen sagen: Sex ist für sie Macht und diese Macht kostet sie aus.
Es ist schwer vorzustellen, dass ein junges Mädchen so berechnend sein kann. Auch nicht, dass sie nicht merkt, in welche gefährliche Richtung sich das Ganze entwickelt. In der Beziehung ist sie dann doch noch ein junges Mädchen und keine erwachsene Frau, auch wenn ihr Handeln etwas anderes aussagt.
Die beiden Teile ihres Lebens sind getrennt voneinander, anders ist es kaum möglich dass Kathys Eltern nichts mitbekommen. Für sie ist Kathy immer noch die brave Tochter, während andere Personen ihr ganz andere Namen geben.
Die Geschichte hat mich verwirrt zurückgelassen. Dass ein junges Mädchen so bewusst den falschen Weg einschlägt und die Konsequenzen ihr egal sind, konnte ich nicht weder verstehen, noch konnte ich die Gründe nachvollziehen.
July 22, 2023
Fascinating, and heartbreaking at the same time. Ms. Dobie's clear eyed description of her teen rebellion, including the gang rape in her "boyfriend's" car, the random hookups with boys she didn't really know, the humiliation and fear she felt when the other girls threatened her, and the distances that it put between her and her family could have been an echo of some of my experiences - I survived, and so did she - to tell her story without shame, without self-recrimination and with a sense of her own power and worth - I wish I was half as brave as she is.
July 6, 2022
more like a 3.5/5 ⭐️
“When I got home, I took a bath because it seemed more reflective than a shower. So I lay there in the bubbles and reflected. I didn't feel any different. I'd thought that sex was something you'd like no matter
what. Still, I wasn't disappointed. I had posed and passed my own initiation rite into the world- -losing my virginity. I figured now I was ready for my life, the real one, to begin.”
“When I got home, I took a bath because it seemed more reflective than a shower. So I lay there in the bubbles and reflected. I didn't feel any different. I'd thought that sex was something you'd like no matter
what. Still, I wasn't disappointed. I had posed and passed my own initiation rite into the world- -losing my virginity. I figured now I was ready for my life, the real one, to begin.”
July 26, 2022
Im not sure how to rate this book.. a memoir of a 14 year old girl who is striving to define herself as she explored her sexuality. Scene after scene where she is used by boys and men lead up tone devastating experience. Sad but real st the same time. My heart broke for her in that car and in each situation she exposed herself too. Grateful for the happy ending to such a harrowing story.
January 16, 2023
While author, Kathy Dobie & I had wildly different teenage years three decades apart, we share so many thoughts & experiences. She writes about girlhood in a way only someone who has experienced it can. I loved her descriptions & literary choices she made. She is a hell of a writer & I am very happy I came across this book.
February 19, 2021
Such a sad story of a young girl whom just wanted to fit in, be accepted. She took all kinds of nasty behaviour from those around her but the turning point was when she was gang raped on her boyfriends request. Such a sad sad story.
February 24, 2021
Kathy Dobie writes with such verve, such attention to detail, such descriptive power that one is knocked over. A beautiful book, sad but also so true and compassionate. I will remember scenes from this memoir for a long time.
February 19, 2025
I’ve been trying for four days to get through this book. It’s no doubt meant to be shocking, titillating, starts off somewhat promising then devolves into far too many chapters of uneventful and really uninteresting childhood tales. I’m sure there’s salacious stuff coming, but I just gave up. This is just not a very good memoir, self-indulgent, self-congratulatory, none too self-aware in a cliched feel-good/feel-bad manner. To repeat a theme I often invoke, where was her editor?
July 27, 2017
Kathy, you broke my heart...
January 28, 2019
Super memoir that evokes the both the time period and Dobie's coming of age so clearly it hurts.
January 27, 2022
Stunningly sad
April 18, 2022
At first, it was hard to get into, but then I got into the flow of her words and the poetic way she writes. It is a story about anyone of us; so much universality to it.
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