What do you think?
Rate this book
Coming & Crying
A collection of stories from the messy, awkward, hilarious, painful, and ultimately true side of sex.
The production of this book is the result of crowdsourced fundraising via Kickstarter.com.
The production of this book is the result of crowdsourced fundraising via Kickstarter.com.
157 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
6 people are currently reading
388 people want to read
About the author
Melissa Gira Grant
10 books184 followersI’m a writer and freelance journalist covering sex, tech, and politics, in the streets and everywhere else.
My latest book, Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work (Verso, 2014) challenges the myths about selling sex and those who make them.
My reporting and commentary appears in The Nation, Wired, The Atlantic, Glamour, The Guardian, In These Times, The Washington Post, Dissent, The American Prospect, Reason, Slate, Jezebel, and Valleywag, among other publications, and I’m a contributing editor at Jacobin.
My latest book, Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work (Verso, 2014) challenges the myths about selling sex and those who make them.
My reporting and commentary appears in The Nation, Wired, The Atlantic, Glamour, The Guardian, In These Times, The Washington Post, Dissent, The American Prospect, Reason, Slate, Jezebel, and Valleywag, among other publications, and I’m a contributing editor at Jacobin.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
September 5, 2010
This anthology was not edited as carefully as it deserved.
Editing essays from different writers is difficult, but that is the editor's job. Particularly in this instance: only two of the 24 essays in this collection had been previously published, meaning most likely 22 of them had never seen an editor outside of their respective authors, and while self-editing is fine for a first draft or a casual blog, a published essay deserves more attention. These essays absolutely required more work than a first draft, a copy edit, and a proofread before being published, and many of them don't seem to have gotten that care, which is shameful. It makes me angry, because my friend is published in this book, and her work deserved more.
Touching briefly on the quality of the essays, there are a few that are very good, a couple that are terrible, and the rest are pretty all right. The best thing about this collection is that it was funded entirely by donation, and so quickly, and the editors received so much more money than they asked for from so many people. Also, they paid their contributors, and it's hard to get paid to write worthwhile things.
However, the book as a whole is messy: it's got copy errors, like irregular style and repeated words; and more subjectively, so many of the essays need more work. Some of them meander on without a point; some of them begin without bothering to conclude; some of them have the most ridiculous issues with noun cases that could have been fixed so easily, I have to wonder what went on in the editing process.
As an editor, you are responsible for the quality of work in your anthology. You choose the authors, and you edit their submissions. Maybe asking writers to make changes is more difficult with the extra-personal subject matter in their essays, but you still have to do it. Otherwise you should not be an editor. I really do not understand what happened here: was it an abdication of responsibility, or a misunderstanding of roles, or did one or both of them think that it was unnecessary? Because when you have an essay in which a character begins wearing "sweatpants" and a couple paragraphs later is suddenly undoing the pants' "button and zipper," it looks like you weren't paying attention. And your writers required your attention.
Why put out work like this when it clearly isn't your best? Especially when 22 other authors are relying on you to treat their pieces with as much care as they put into them. To do otherwise is disrespectful, and defeats the purpose of publishing an anthology altogether--don't undertake a task you can't or won't do.
[Quality issues aside, I'm so proud to know one of the contributors. She's talented and great and deserves mountains of praise for her work.]
Editing essays from different writers is difficult, but that is the editor's job. Particularly in this instance: only two of the 24 essays in this collection had been previously published, meaning most likely 22 of them had never seen an editor outside of their respective authors, and while self-editing is fine for a first draft or a casual blog, a published essay deserves more attention. These essays absolutely required more work than a first draft, a copy edit, and a proofread before being published, and many of them don't seem to have gotten that care, which is shameful. It makes me angry, because my friend is published in this book, and her work deserved more.
Touching briefly on the quality of the essays, there are a few that are very good, a couple that are terrible, and the rest are pretty all right. The best thing about this collection is that it was funded entirely by donation, and so quickly, and the editors received so much more money than they asked for from so many people. Also, they paid their contributors, and it's hard to get paid to write worthwhile things.
However, the book as a whole is messy: it's got copy errors, like irregular style and repeated words; and more subjectively, so many of the essays need more work. Some of them meander on without a point; some of them begin without bothering to conclude; some of them have the most ridiculous issues with noun cases that could have been fixed so easily, I have to wonder what went on in the editing process.
As an editor, you are responsible for the quality of work in your anthology. You choose the authors, and you edit their submissions. Maybe asking writers to make changes is more difficult with the extra-personal subject matter in their essays, but you still have to do it. Otherwise you should not be an editor. I really do not understand what happened here: was it an abdication of responsibility, or a misunderstanding of roles, or did one or both of them think that it was unnecessary? Because when you have an essay in which a character begins wearing "sweatpants" and a couple paragraphs later is suddenly undoing the pants' "button and zipper," it looks like you weren't paying attention. And your writers required your attention.
Why put out work like this when it clearly isn't your best? Especially when 22 other authors are relying on you to treat their pieces with as much care as they put into them. To do otherwise is disrespectful, and defeats the purpose of publishing an anthology altogether--don't undertake a task you can't or won't do.
[Quality issues aside, I'm so proud to know one of the contributors. She's talented and great and deserves mountains of praise for her work.]
Read
January 8, 2016Usually, I don't rate or review books that I have pieces in - it just seems wrong somehow. But I'm making an exception for Coming & Crying. This is a truly great and different collection of stories - I feel like I've been spoiled by reading stories like these online, but realize that there isn't much representation of sad, disturbing, and true stories about sex (and feelings) in print. This book changes that, and it's something that "sex positive" culture, which is all too much about sex being great! and hot! needs quite desperately.
Coming & Crying is full of unflattering self portraits. But somehow, it's not "confessional" in the secretive, shamed sense. Instead, the pieces are very matter-of-fact, but in an artful way.
The book also has an improbable number of huge cocks.
Coming & Crying is full of unflattering self portraits. But somehow, it's not "confessional" in the secretive, shamed sense. Instead, the pieces are very matter-of-fact, but in an artful way.
The book also has an improbable number of huge cocks.
December 27, 2010
I haven't read this book yet but something tells me that it is the greatest book you will read for some time, unless you are one of my blood relatives or potential employers in which case it is a terrible, terrible book that you should never, ever pick up.
September 21, 2010
I have a piece in this collection, so let's get that out of the way right off the bat! That said, while I can't say that I loved every story equally, I very much enjoyed the book as a whole, and found myself nodding in agreement in many places and LOLing in many others. Writing about sex is never easy, and for the most part I think anyone interested in frank, unsentimental stories from and about ppl of MANY sexual identities and orientations (a commendable feature, in my mind, for which the editors deserve credit) will find something to enjoy here. This book is an optimistic endeavor because it reflects a world of tolerance and exploration (which is regrettably not often the case in the 'real world), and I think it should be appreciated as such. The comment about too many 'huge cocks' to be believable is regrettably true, but to my mind is the only very minor flaw in the work as whole.
June 21, 2011
I wanted to love this, but I just can't. While inconsistency is to be expected from a collection of essays, the discrepancy in quality between each story is too much. The editing is not entirely to be blamed of course. Some of them are much too long, others are too short to get anything out of them. In most cases it's easy to see what the writers are going for, it's just not there. That's not even universally true, though. I love the concept of this book, and that makes it all the more annoying when an essay starts out really promising and then goes nowhere. The Tao Lin piece, which I'm not sure is an excerpt from his actual book or not, is one of the absolute most irritating things I've ever read. I've read Hipster Runoff, I "get" what he's going for. It's just awful. I need to mark which of the stories I actually liked and will want to reread, I guess. My rating is for the concept and the parts that I did like; if I were to go simply by the feeling it left me with and its quality as a whole, it would be lower.
January 2, 2011
I read one story a night until one morning when I didn't want to do anything else but read this book, and so I finished it. And it is still by my bed, because it is that kind of a book. It will always be by my bed, I think.
September 12, 2011
I was lucky enough to be sent a free copy from Melissa and Meaghan last month from sending a letter in response to a tumblr post. It's a wonderful anthology/collection of stories and I can't recommend it enough. It truly is a book that will be there for you when you need it. For a laugh or for a cry.
February 21, 2011
On the whole, I liked it a lot and I think it's an important endeavor.
I agree with other reviewers who say that this collection could have used stronger editing -- both for content and copyediting -- but in a way, the slipshod, really on in some parts, kinda off in others suits the tone of the book. Sex is often sloppy and leaving you wanting, wondering what's going on. I suppose that sounds too forgiving, but the heart of the book shines through the rough bits. Sex and the emotions tied up with it are complicated, not always sentimental, or sentimental for odd, disorienting reasons. This is a book I'm glad to own because I'll want to come back to some of the characters and situations in it. I also appreciate the diversity of experiences here, although it could have used more lesbians.
I agree with other reviewers who say that this collection could have used stronger editing -- both for content and copyediting -- but in a way, the slipshod, really on in some parts, kinda off in others suits the tone of the book. Sex is often sloppy and leaving you wanting, wondering what's going on. I suppose that sounds too forgiving, but the heart of the book shines through the rough bits. Sex and the emotions tied up with it are complicated, not always sentimental, or sentimental for odd, disorienting reasons. This is a book I'm glad to own because I'll want to come back to some of the characters and situations in it. I also appreciate the diversity of experiences here, although it could have used more lesbians.
December 30, 2010
Intense and visceral. I almost cried during one story, and I laughed out loud during another. Very powerful, especially when you remember they're all true.
February 3, 2015
Definitely worth the $9 I spent on the Kindle edition of this collection of essays (which are about sex and written largely by ~millennials~, so at least five of them have the same voice), which is a fairly generous compliment considering that a few of them were preeeettttty bad. But the ones that were very good certainly outnumbered the ones that were stupid. The essays by the editors, Meaghan O’Connell and Melissa Gira Grant, were both excellent. I would pay to read Charlotte Shane’s grocery lists if she let me. One of the writers, Matthew Lawrence, described a penis as “roughly the size and firmness of a Santeria candle,” which was a high point. I originally planned to go back and categorize each story as great, good, or don’t read it, but that would mean spending a good amount of time and effort so that a stranger could reap a negligible benefit so read it yourself damn it 3.5
July 5, 2016
Other reviews have pointed out that this book could have done with a bit more editing. However, I didn't think that when reading this. The stories in it are maybe a little raw, but it adds to the feel of them rather than taking away from it. These are stories about sex and relationships, in different forms. No two stories in this collection are the same, and they all touch on different aspects. They're nicely written, and probably because they haven't been polished to perfection they feel that little bit more real. It's an entertaining and interesting read, and I really did come away from a couple of the stories with the feeling of "Oh, so it's not just me then." A good book, and one I really enjoyed.
May 26, 2012
I don't really understand the criticism of strange endings, misframed narratives, content-based-whatever in this book -- each story told exactly the story it needed to tell. Some felt less powerful than others but that's a subjective given. Standouts for me were Meaghan O'Connell, Erica Moore, and Danny Vitolo. Do you have any idea how weird it is to actually read the acknowledgements page in full, fully expecting to "know" the people named? It's really really weird. Very important book.
April 16, 2013
A really wonderful collection of short stories, essays, musings about sex and the odd, sometimes inexplicable things that can surround sex and relationships. Some of the stories are erotic, some aren't at all, but every one makes you look at sex in a different way, with a fresh outlook. I had many laugh-out-loud moments, as well as introspective moments, and a quite a few "oh myyyy" moments as well. A great read!
July 6, 2011
An easy and entertaining read - it is set up as a book about sex, but is actually about the relationships, feelings, and circumstances surrounding sex. It is a memoir with multiple beautiful voices and some incredible prose writing. Highly recommended. I have lent it to many friends and have not heard a single word against it.
March 19, 2023
This book is full of gorgeous writing; powerfully existential and erotic, I finished it quicker than anything else I'd read in months. If you're looking for something to stir memories of old flames, make you want to revisit your hometown (or avoid it entirely), and look strangers dead in the eye as you walk home tonight... you're on the right path.
Currently reading
February 4, 2011Some stories are better/more interesting than others...
March 1, 2011
Very few stories in this book were good. Some of the writers did great, while others made their stories equivalent to some high school creative writing paper.
March 21, 2012
is awesome, i backed on kickstarter & love it!
September 18, 2014
Meh. A few good stories. Most left no impression. I had hoped for more.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews