Stop Overreacting: Effective Strategies for Calming Your Emotions

by Judith P. Siegel

When you are criticized or rejected, do you have a tendency to lash out or withdraw entirely? Both types of knee-jerk reactions can have lasting and unintended consequences, affecting our friendships, careers, families, and romantic relationships. The truth is, overreacting hurts us as much as it hurts the people around us. You may see overreacting as an unchangeable part of your personality, but in reality, this tendency, like any other, can be unlearned. Stop Overreacting helps you identify your emotional triggers, discover a new way of processing impulsive thoughts and feelings, and understand how your emotions can undermine your ability to think rationally in moments of crisis and stress. You'll learn how to neutralize overwhelming emotions and choose healthy responses instead of flying off the handle. Ready to make a change for the better? It's time to stop overreacting and start feeling collected and in control. Stop Overreacting is a valuable guidebook for navigating the basic struggles of our emotional world. --Beth Jacobs, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Writing for Emotional Balance

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Mental Health, Audiobook, Emotion

202 pages, ebook

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Judith P. Siegel, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., is a professor and a marriage and family therapist in private practice. A recognized expert in her field, she is the author of several academic books and numerous articles on marital dynamics and marriage therapy. She has also published extensively in the field of family therapy and has presented throughout the United States. Additionally, she has appeared on the Today Show and Good Morning America.

Reviews

[Meredith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Same old, same old. Not what I was looking for, but nothing in the self-help genre ever really is quite what I'm looking for, but it wasn't totally useless. Just not really for me, but I can still try to incorporate some of the ideas. I'm trying to find something that will help me learn how to roll with the punches better and not get my feelings hurt so easily. I thought adulthood would do that. Not so much.

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok, not really what I wanted. Mostly focused on increasing self-awareness about your childhood.

[Elevetha · Rating 1 out of 5]

So I think if you can believe what they say about the disconnect between the right and left brain, how our emotional side takes over and it's extremely difficult to even access the part of our brain that would allow us to calm down (which I do, and has come up in other self-help books) then it was interesting to have a more scientific approach to WHY we react the way we do. But scientifically I have trouble with it because it was mostly claiming that 99% of any reactions/issues you might have all stemmed up your childhood and how you grew up. I call BS. The reason why I struggle with keeping calm is because I'm overstimulated and have three small children crying/screaming/asking for help/talking/playing noisily with toys/etc all day long. It's a lot and I'm not convinced that my childhood is ruling my emotions unconsciously. I think it's just a lot of noise and a lot of work and I'm burnt out.

And then she talks about Freud and how he thought little boys have "little penis" syndrome or something because they both hate (because he's taking their mother away from them) and fear (because he's gonna chop their penis off) their fathers. What in the world?? And she acts like this is something she uses with her clients to explain...something, I guess. I have no idea what this would be explaining.

I personally gave up at this point, skipped about 80 pages because it wasn't relevant anyways, and came back when we actually got to coping mechanisms. But there were not so many "effective strategies" to be found here, there were the usual (deep breathing, repeating a mantra, mindfulness, etc) and a couple more unique, but nothing earthshattering.

A pass from me on this one. I'm sure there are better out there.

[thewanderingjew · Rating 4 out of 5]

This brief, little book attempts to explain the differences between people who explode and people who implode, between people who use the left thinking side of the brain and the people who use the right emotional side of their brain, governed by the frontal lobe and amygdala.

It then attempts to help the reader to find a better way to solve problems, without letting one side or the other rule, without striking out, without retreating inside oneself, and instead, it tries to help the reader find out the underlying cause of these overreactions so there will be a more sensible response, neither implosion or explosion, since both of these reactions do not lead to viable solutions. Using just the right amount of each side of the brain to reach a solution, coupled with the knowledge of why we react to different stimuli in different ways and what in our past triggers these reactions, we are able to think more clearly and make better judgments in troubling situations.

Unlike many other self help books I have read, this one gives examples that the reader can really identify with, since they don’t seem plucked from a tree of anecdotes. Also there are a series of exercises at the end of the chapter to help the reader work through issues and distinguish which behavior is caused by certain memories of the past so that the reactions can be controlled in a better way and the problems can be worked through using healthier behavior.

This book can really assist the reader because the examples given are easily identified with and feelings are easily processed with the exercises provided. One can even skim the book to find the areas of most concern. If one can learn what triggers the distorted reactions, and then stop the immediate knee-jerk response, the consequences after the confrontation will be neutral.
Why are we envious, jealous, angry? What sets off our fight or flight reaction? If we can figure that out, we can lead a happier more centered life. Who wouldn't want that?

[Luu Thanh Tam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some good suggestions on how to handle emotions and overreactions but it's mostly focused on increasing self-awareness about your childhood. It's still the book you guys should try to read anyway. :D

[Karolyn B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This felt tedious to get through. And Judith really LOVES suggesting that all of your emotional triggers stemmed from your childhood. I don't completely agree, but, nevertheless, there were some good take aways to hold space in my brain. 


1. I am 75% imploder. I'll avoid conflict like the plague and pretend things are fine. 

2. I have power to rewire my brain, praise God! "The stronger the circuits that connect left and right, the better able you are to tolerate and diffuse intense emotions." Get out of the amygdala, ask questions, identify feelings, and connect those circuits from left and right brain. 

3. Old triggers or schemas can color the way you see/respond to current conflicts/triggers. They may be an overreaction to what's currently happening, but your body remembered those old triggers and geared you up to handle it! Gee, thanks, body. 

4. I'm a splitter. I have an all or nothing mentality.

5. Yikes, I'm a narcissist, maybe? "Often the root of intense reactions to criticism is tied to narcissistic vulnerability." I like to protect myself from feeling like a failure or "less than" at all costs. Even if it means denying, deflecting, or arguing. "Narcissism can be described as a pattern of defenses that make people excessively dependent on feedback in order to regulate their self esteem." I need others to give me self worth. For sure.

6. Get centered. The book didn't give us all that many new ways. Just the standard pause, distance yourself, name your feeling, breath exercises, challenge perspective...you get it.

[Themountainbookie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book seems typical of a bad therapist apt. The book spent 10 chapters pointing out all the different ways you could be overreacting and what they are. During those 10 chapter really having you become aware of your flaws. I now know I’m a perfectionist which can lead to me feeling envy and then I blow up. But when it comes to ok what do we do with this knowledge the author gives us half a chapter of how to fix it. I found the author really left the reader hanging. I would have appreciated if she had incorporated the tools of how to get better in each chapter. It was chopping because of that and said hey keep looking forward to chapter 12 which ended being a disappointment.

If your wanting to work on your outbursts, or like me yell less this isn’t the book for you.

[Angie Botner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stop Overreacting - Judith P Si
My biggest take away from this book was learning to pay attention to the physical responses to my emotions, especially when I was about to lose my cool or shut down. Learning to that I start fidgeting with my hands and squirming around helps me to notice that my emotions are about to take over a situation before it’s too late to intervene. I really like how Ms. Siegel explains the breakdown of emotions and what causes them in a manner that is easy to understand and even easier to relate to. I would especially recommend this book to parents that find themselves struggling with managing their own emotiuons while teaching their young ones to navigate theirs.

[Overbooked ✎ · Rating 2 out of 5]

A lot of emphasis is put on childhood negative experience and upbringing which feel a bit dated these days. Non much new content or insights either, the end of chapter exercises are pretty bland and the promised “effective strategies” are the usual techniques (identify triggers, deep breathing, mindfulness etc.) that can be found in any other self-help book.

[Mira Gold · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great tools in this book for anyone's psychological toolbox. Especially useful for parents, and generally excellent information everyone needs to know. So much pain and heartache could be avoided if folks understood the principles outlined here and the nature of the human mind. The exercises at the end of each chapter are very helpful.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book for my clinical supervision and found that it was very easy to read. I think Ms. Siegel does a good job of explaining complicated theories/experiences in simple terms. I did not particularly enjoy reading this book because the information was not new but I will recommend it to patients.

[Fiona Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really resonated with me as a lot of my trauma stems from childhood and I found I could relate to the information. I had a lot of tears working through the end of chapter exercises, although it will take awhile to put into practice changing my brains pathways and reactions I actually feel like it's possible, so thank you I have hope for healing

[Zoe McKey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did all the exercises in this book and they were awesome, life-changing, eye-opening, you name it.

[Nightkid · Rating 3 out of 5]

這本書與預期有落差，單看書名還以為內容會與人際關係中的情緒勒索相關，結果作者卻一直在述說童年的原生家庭如何影響人格的塑造、當時的經歷如何讓人變得反應過度，然後導致人生步向不幸。全書內容算是簡單易懂，但個人認為作者似乎過份強調童年陰影的影響力��我不太認同吧。

[Amber Taylor]

A little too focused on childhood stuff. Yeah , sure that's important, but it gets a bit tiresome.

[Daphsam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to read after The Power of Neuroplasticity. Topics and themes are very similar but this is more to do with anger management.

[Jaco · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book is quite short and to the point.
References childhood impact quite repeatedly.
Concepts are easy to digest and understand.
Good explanations of reactions and why they take place.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not very helpful

[Alexis Volen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insights

This had the core of what I was hoping to get out of it and good exercises at the end of each chapter.

[Jessie Dible · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so overwhelmingly good that I think I only retained 5%.

Future reread when I’m mentally ready

[Valaree · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's okay.

[Stefania · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some good advice on how to manage emotions and not react too strongly to things. I found it useful in helping understand why people overreact, and what can be done about it.

The format is typical of the genre, going through people's stories and helping you relate it to your own. I think some other reviewers thought the book did not offer new information, but for me, it offered a practical and useful advice.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful, simple guide towards better understanding and managing your emotions. What I like most about this book is the many examples it gives which are very relatable. It breaks down the most common emotions we face in an easy-to-understand way, and offers practical advice on processing and dealing with overreactions. This is a book which I would recommend to those seeking to better understand their overreactions.

[JoAnn J. A. Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some good suggestions on how to handle emotions and overreactions. It has effective exercises and examples of situations that help illustrate the situations that one may encounter.

I recommend this book to anyone seeking to better manage their emotions.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely gives good insight. I can relate to many of the issues gone over in this book and the techniques to help with them definitely seem plausible. Some of the things I am already trying and in fact, definitely do notice a difference.

[Rana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly Useful

Most "self-help" books leave me cold, but this is an insightful text with actionable information. I learned a great deal from this book I can actually use in my daily life.

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

helpful, but not a lot of new information.

[Stephanie Holt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some very basic information, a simple approach to connecting with emotions in a healthy way. I found it somewhat useful, good for some exercises to explore emotions.