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Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope
I've told my kids for years that God doesn't make mistakes," writes Mary Beth Chapman, wife of Grammy award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. "Would I believe it now, when my whole world as I knew it came to an end?"
Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth's story is our story--wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story--both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE. Includes a 16-page full color photo insert.
Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth's story is our story--wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story--both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE. Includes a 16-page full color photo insert.
289 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2010
338 people are currently reading
10359 people want to read
About the author
Mary Beth Chapman
15 books46 followersMary Beth Chapman is the wife of Grammy and Dove Award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. Steven and Mary Beth have six children, including three little girls adopted from China.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 979 reviews
January 24, 2011
Last October, my church had the Chapmans (Steven Curtis and his wife and kids) for an outreach event. I didn't buy tickets because I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the grief of this family not far removed from the death of their 5 year old daughter in a horrific accident in which her brother ran over her with a car. I can't stand the sugary sweet "God is in control" and we were instantly happy that he had taken our daughter to be with him schlock that is so common in Christian books/speaking events.
A co-worker had an extra ticket and I ended up going. The night was a mix of SCC's music, their sons' band and Mary Beth speaking. I could take or leave the music. But I liked her immediately. It was the first time she'd ever spoken in public and of all subjects - about the journey of acceptance following the accident. But she was sarcastic always, angry at times and real. I'm not a terribly emotional person when it comes to this kind of thing. She spoke, I was touched and left moved -- but not to tears.
I got a Kindle for Christmas. I saw this book on the "limited time offers" for like $2 a few weeks ago. After church today, I was especially raw and something made me start this book. I finished it today as well. I took about a four hour break in between the first and second sections. The first section sets up Mary Beth's story of faith and doubt. She tells of her struggle with clinical depression and the difficulties in her marriage with Steven Curtis. Mary Beth doesn't linger over the details but gives enough for me to connect with her in a way that I don't with other women Christian authors. Thankfully, there are no "beloveds" or "dearests" in this book. (You Beth Moore and Kay Arthur fans know what I'm talking about.) I saw a lot of myself in her description of herself. I'm hoping that is what made the second part of the book so terribly painful for me. I cried from the moment I knew what was coming right until I finished the book. Not because I know what she feels from having lost a child but from the raw emotion of her daily struggles questioning God and finding the answers through others and Scripture, then losing it and having to start over the next day.
This isn't the deepest book you'll ever read. And having heard her speak, I can fill in where the narrative is lacking which others won't have the benefit. But I'd recommend this book. It will spur good conversation about what you build a marriage on, when your faith becomes real, how you deal with anger at God, etc.
And I'm not a crier. I have a horrible headache from all this stupid crying.
A co-worker had an extra ticket and I ended up going. The night was a mix of SCC's music, their sons' band and Mary Beth speaking. I could take or leave the music. But I liked her immediately. It was the first time she'd ever spoken in public and of all subjects - about the journey of acceptance following the accident. But she was sarcastic always, angry at times and real. I'm not a terribly emotional person when it comes to this kind of thing. She spoke, I was touched and left moved -- but not to tears.
I got a Kindle for Christmas. I saw this book on the "limited time offers" for like $2 a few weeks ago. After church today, I was especially raw and something made me start this book. I finished it today as well. I took about a four hour break in between the first and second sections. The first section sets up Mary Beth's story of faith and doubt. She tells of her struggle with clinical depression and the difficulties in her marriage with Steven Curtis. Mary Beth doesn't linger over the details but gives enough for me to connect with her in a way that I don't with other women Christian authors. Thankfully, there are no "beloveds" or "dearests" in this book. (You Beth Moore and Kay Arthur fans know what I'm talking about.) I saw a lot of myself in her description of herself. I'm hoping that is what made the second part of the book so terribly painful for me. I cried from the moment I knew what was coming right until I finished the book. Not because I know what she feels from having lost a child but from the raw emotion of her daily struggles questioning God and finding the answers through others and Scripture, then losing it and having to start over the next day.
This isn't the deepest book you'll ever read. And having heard her speak, I can fill in where the narrative is lacking which others won't have the benefit. But I'd recommend this book. It will spur good conversation about what you build a marriage on, when your faith becomes real, how you deal with anger at God, etc.
And I'm not a crier. I have a horrible headache from all this stupid crying.
December 30, 2010
What I loved most about this book was Mary Beth's honesty about her struggles with depression, adoption, the loss of her daughter, and trusting in God and His word. Her journey of faith is easy to relate to. She admits to being a flawed human being, desperately clinging to Jesus. She's not a perfect Christian wife and mother (because NO ONE is), yet she is living out the journey God has placed her on. I can definitely relate to her as she talks about telling God her plans and then having to admit that only He is in control.
I now want to listen to all of SCC's music, especially the new CD "Beauty Will Rise".
I picked the book up because I remember reading the story in People about the tragic accident that took little Maria's life and involved son Will. I'm always skeptical of media coverage so I wanted the whole story. As an adoptive mom, I wanted to hear about their journey.
I now want to listen to all of SCC's music, especially the new CD "Beauty Will Rise".
I picked the book up because I remember reading the story in People about the tragic accident that took little Maria's life and involved son Will. I'm always skeptical of media coverage so I wanted the whole story. As an adoptive mom, I wanted to hear about their journey.
September 15, 2010
I remember hearing when the daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman was killed in a tragic accident. I knew of Steven's music, but wasn't really familiar with him or his family. I remember thinking at the time what a difficult thing to go through. Steven's wife Mary Beth writes of the experience here in her book, Choosing to SEE. She shares their early life; their young marriage, Steven's perseverance in moving his career forward, the birth of their three children and the adoption of three daughters from China.
Always at the forefront is their faith: their faith in God and faith that he has a plan for their lives. Mary Beth is candid in sharing her struggles with depression, her anger at God and her fears of adoption and the subsequent joy she found with her new daughters. When young Maria Sue was killed in a car accident, the situation was doubly tragic because it was the Chapman's son who had been driving. While we get a glimpse of Will Franklin's struggle, I would love to hear his story.
Interspersed throughout the book are lyrics to songs written by Steven Curtis Chapman, many of which were written after Maria Sue's death. The latter half of the book is a series of excerpts from blog entries and letters written by Mary Beth after Maria Sue's death and which helped her to work through some of her grief.
This is a simply written, yet moving story of a family who has learn to SEE that the sun always rises and spring always comes and God is always with us, especially in our deepest moments of grief and despair.
Always at the forefront is their faith: their faith in God and faith that he has a plan for their lives. Mary Beth is candid in sharing her struggles with depression, her anger at God and her fears of adoption and the subsequent joy she found with her new daughters. When young Maria Sue was killed in a car accident, the situation was doubly tragic because it was the Chapman's son who had been driving. While we get a glimpse of Will Franklin's struggle, I would love to hear his story.
Interspersed throughout the book are lyrics to songs written by Steven Curtis Chapman, many of which were written after Maria Sue's death. The latter half of the book is a series of excerpts from blog entries and letters written by Mary Beth after Maria Sue's death and which helped her to work through some of her grief.
This is a simply written, yet moving story of a family who has learn to SEE that the sun always rises and spring always comes and God is always with us, especially in our deepest moments of grief and despair.
November 14, 2011
This book was recommended by a variety of people, so I thought it was time to read it. I feel very hard-hearted admitting it didn't live up to my expectations. Mary Beth Chapman is working through the grief of losing her daughter who was hit accidentally by her son. The book is not well written, although I appreciated the quotes and song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter.
I identified with two particular quotes. In talking about her past, Mary Beth writes, "I'm not sure whether it was the church, my work ethic, or a little bit of both, but I ended up thinking that the one thing that could change in my changeless world was my eternal destiny." The introduction is written by Beth Moore. She talks about wanting God to communicate with her through dreams and visions, but instead, "It became clear to me along the way, if not downright humorous, that God saw me in the category of people who were safer -- both to themselves and others-- sticking primarily with Scripture." She goes on to relate a dream she received to share with Mary Beth.
Last year I read the book about the two Taylor University students whose identities were switched at the scene of an accident. For over a month, one family thought their daughter was dead, while the other sat vigil at what they thought was their daughter's bedside. When I finished that book I was humbled and instructed by the faith of the families. When I finished Mary Beth Chapman's book I felt exhausted, like a girlfriend helping her friend through her crisis. I think Mary Beth may have written the book a little too soon as it is obvious she is still grieving.
I identified with two particular quotes. In talking about her past, Mary Beth writes, "I'm not sure whether it was the church, my work ethic, or a little bit of both, but I ended up thinking that the one thing that could change in my changeless world was my eternal destiny." The introduction is written by Beth Moore. She talks about wanting God to communicate with her through dreams and visions, but instead, "It became clear to me along the way, if not downright humorous, that God saw me in the category of people who were safer -- both to themselves and others-- sticking primarily with Scripture." She goes on to relate a dream she received to share with Mary Beth.
Last year I read the book about the two Taylor University students whose identities were switched at the scene of an accident. For over a month, one family thought their daughter was dead, while the other sat vigil at what they thought was their daughter's bedside. When I finished that book I was humbled and instructed by the faith of the families. When I finished Mary Beth Chapman's book I felt exhausted, like a girlfriend helping her friend through her crisis. I think Mary Beth may have written the book a little too soon as it is obvious she is still grieving.
February 13, 2012
If you were listening to the radio at all that spring of 2008, you heard it too, and probably froze or bowed your head in prayer immediately like I did: Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman’s five-year-old daughter Maria was hit by a car driven by their son Will in their own driveway, and it killed her. It threatened to kill Will too (emotionally and spiritually). Can you imagine the guilt? He didn’t see her. He wasn’t on his cell phone or driving fast. He just didn’t see her.
So this book tells the story of that loss, but it backs up to Mary Beth’s childhood, and begins her story there. The book takes you through some marriage issues, her clinical depression, and how all six of her children came to be (the last three were adopted from China). The book shows such a personal glimpse into the Chapman home, both before and after Maria’s passing, that at times I felt I shouldn’t be reading it. It’s so personal. I’m sure this type of a book can not be written without many, many tears and the physical pain that comes with talking about the deepest grief a person can experience.
I read the book in two sittings, late into the night, because the “journey of struggle” was so intense it made me sick to my stomach, and I desperately wanted to enter that “journey of hope” (from the subtitle of the book) before doing anything else. There is hope in the book. But the struggle was so raw, the hope is not the feeling I am left with upon completing the book. The hope is a glimmer and a promise, an amazing, unbelievable testimony to the family’s faith in God even when they hate what has happened. It is there. But it is still shrouded in pain.
The accident took place May 21, 2008. Only a little more than two years ago. It is still fresh. I will be interested to see how the Chapmans are doing several years from now.
This book was really hard to read. I don’t like to think that something like this could happen to good, God-fearing people like the Chapmans, but it did, and tragedy happens to other Christians in our communities and all over the world too. It could happen to us, if it hasn’t already. Pain and grief are part of life in a fallen world. The question is, as people who believe in a risen Savior who has overcome death itself, how do we respond?
I will be thinking about how the Chapmans responded for a very, very long time.
At the end of the book, I was left feeling depressed, not hopeful. I won't read it again.
So this book tells the story of that loss, but it backs up to Mary Beth’s childhood, and begins her story there. The book takes you through some marriage issues, her clinical depression, and how all six of her children came to be (the last three were adopted from China). The book shows such a personal glimpse into the Chapman home, both before and after Maria’s passing, that at times I felt I shouldn’t be reading it. It’s so personal. I’m sure this type of a book can not be written without many, many tears and the physical pain that comes with talking about the deepest grief a person can experience.
I read the book in two sittings, late into the night, because the “journey of struggle” was so intense it made me sick to my stomach, and I desperately wanted to enter that “journey of hope” (from the subtitle of the book) before doing anything else. There is hope in the book. But the struggle was so raw, the hope is not the feeling I am left with upon completing the book. The hope is a glimmer and a promise, an amazing, unbelievable testimony to the family’s faith in God even when they hate what has happened. It is there. But it is still shrouded in pain.
The accident took place May 21, 2008. Only a little more than two years ago. It is still fresh. I will be interested to see how the Chapmans are doing several years from now.
This book was really hard to read. I don’t like to think that something like this could happen to good, God-fearing people like the Chapmans, but it did, and tragedy happens to other Christians in our communities and all over the world too. It could happen to us, if it hasn’t already. Pain and grief are part of life in a fallen world. The question is, as people who believe in a risen Savior who has overcome death itself, how do we respond?
I will be thinking about how the Chapmans responded for a very, very long time.
At the end of the book, I was left feeling depressed, not hopeful. I won't read it again.
January 26, 2012
I marked five stars, but I really needed more. This is an awesome book about walking your faith even through the dark days.
Mary Beth did a beautiful job of sharing this family's story in a way that is so powerful you can feel God's presence in all of it. I am in awe of the light this family has been able to share even while they carry such a heavy load of grief and loss. Remarkable!!
I want to remember from this book, Maria's message to "SEE";
the touching image of Will's brother, Caleb, holding him in those first moments of crisis and later of Will's friends surrounding him in prayer and washing his feet-supporting him in his grief;
Steven's wise use of his talents to walk his faith through music;
Emily's quiet way of hearing God's desires for her family;
Mary Beth's willingness to share her struggles, seek help, and open herself to God's grace-I so appreciated her sharing her story! I also admired her ability to see God's work in their lives in a way that allowed her to recognize the little serendipities so she could share them with us.
This is a book I will probably read again as I know there is much to be learned from it.
Mary Beth did a beautiful job of sharing this family's story in a way that is so powerful you can feel God's presence in all of it. I am in awe of the light this family has been able to share even while they carry such a heavy load of grief and loss. Remarkable!!
I want to remember from this book, Maria's message to "SEE";
the touching image of Will's brother, Caleb, holding him in those first moments of crisis and later of Will's friends surrounding him in prayer and washing his feet-supporting him in his grief;
Steven's wise use of his talents to walk his faith through music;
Emily's quiet way of hearing God's desires for her family;
Mary Beth's willingness to share her struggles, seek help, and open herself to God's grace-I so appreciated her sharing her story! I also admired her ability to see God's work in their lives in a way that allowed her to recognize the little serendipities so she could share them with us.
This is a book I will probably read again as I know there is much to be learned from it.
January 30, 2013
Anyone who kept track of the Christian music industry in 2008 (and many who didn't) heard about the loss of five-year-old Maria Chapman to a tragic accident in the driveway of the Chapman family's home. This book feels more like two shorter books: the first half being a general biography of Mary Beth's journey as Christian, wife to a CCM superstar, and mother ... the second half being her journey of sorrow and anger and hope after her daughter's death.
My reading diet of primarily fiction may have shaped my view of this book somewhat. The editing could be tighter, especially regarding the repetition. The writing itself is more like conversation than text. However, especially in the last quarter of the book (which consists of blog posts from Mary Beth in the first two years without Maria), a blogging/speaking style seems to be the point.
Choosing to SEE is brave, open, aching. It asks questions and usually doesn't have answers. Yet it settles at last on the choice to "SEE" what God has to show us, through grief and in spite of it--namely, Himself. I have so much respect for Mary Beth, revealing her heart and her flaws, her victories and defeats, to a readership of strangers like me. I'm richer for having read this book.
My reading diet of primarily fiction may have shaped my view of this book somewhat. The editing could be tighter, especially regarding the repetition. The writing itself is more like conversation than text. However, especially in the last quarter of the book (which consists of blog posts from Mary Beth in the first two years without Maria), a blogging/speaking style seems to be the point.
Choosing to SEE is brave, open, aching. It asks questions and usually doesn't have answers. Yet it settles at last on the choice to "SEE" what God has to show us, through grief and in spite of it--namely, Himself. I have so much respect for Mary Beth, revealing her heart and her flaws, her victories and defeats, to a readership of strangers like me. I'm richer for having read this book.
January 14, 2011
What did I think? I THOUGHT it was only an okay written book, skipped and rushed at certain points, but I FELT powerfully touched as a result of reading it. I read it straight through in 24 hours, even catching moments in the car. Tears came just reading the opening dedication from Mary Beth to her daughter, Maria, and I closed the book with wet tears as well.
I am deeply thankful for Mary Beth's honesty. She writes of the pain and ache up to the end. She doesn't try to wrap her family's loss and wounds up in the answers Christians are "supposed" to have. She avoids that temptation. She has to choose, over and over and over again, to see God's heart and admits the battle day after day.
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child in an accident by the hand of one of my other children. But her pain is the focus of the book with a Savior who is "acquainted with grief". She doesn't try to tell her son's story, or even the story of all her contacts through her public husband, or the money they must have had for the weddings of the older children, or vacations, or therapists. She stays focused on her process. She is now acquainted with grief, the grief of a mother, and she helps us understand that there are no easy answers, not even close, for the grief of a mother who family has been invaded by suffering.
I needed this book. Her story also helped remind my heart of the comfort of Christian culture and the hope of heaven. It reminded my heart of some of the given truths of Christianity that can help heal when taken for granted. I was deeply touched by her heart's expression of care for Chinese orphans and the story of Maria's Big House of Hope. Yes, my heart needed to be reminded of the goodness of God in the midst of suffering without it being cliched, rushed, or logically explained. This book also helped my heart to "see".
Thank you, Mary Beth.
I am deeply thankful for Mary Beth's honesty. She writes of the pain and ache up to the end. She doesn't try to wrap her family's loss and wounds up in the answers Christians are "supposed" to have. She avoids that temptation. She has to choose, over and over and over again, to see God's heart and admits the battle day after day.
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child in an accident by the hand of one of my other children. But her pain is the focus of the book with a Savior who is "acquainted with grief". She doesn't try to tell her son's story, or even the story of all her contacts through her public husband, or the money they must have had for the weddings of the older children, or vacations, or therapists. She stays focused on her process. She is now acquainted with grief, the grief of a mother, and she helps us understand that there are no easy answers, not even close, for the grief of a mother who family has been invaded by suffering.
I needed this book. Her story also helped remind my heart of the comfort of Christian culture and the hope of heaven. It reminded my heart of some of the given truths of Christianity that can help heal when taken for granted. I was deeply touched by her heart's expression of care for Chinese orphans and the story of Maria's Big House of Hope. Yes, my heart needed to be reminded of the goodness of God in the midst of suffering without it being cliched, rushed, or logically explained. This book also helped my heart to "see".
Thank you, Mary Beth.
July 27, 2014
This book has been sitting on my book shelf for close to two years. I have not dared to open its pages because it is too scary to immerse yourself into a memoir that is based on "God allowed my child to be hit by a car and die, that has driven by my son". Makes no sense. Shakes you to the core. But what a good book. Mary Beth starts the book, just skimming The Day. Then she backs it up, goes into a wonderful narrative about her own childhood, faith, brushes with The church, some crappy, some good. Her understanding Who God is, some crappy, some good. Aspects of being a wife, a mother, an over-achiever, some crappy, some good. She is very candid, very funny. Christ is REAL to her. And losing her third adopted child, her fifth child, the baby of the family hideously, so tragically-she does not sugar coat it with all those Christian-ese lines. She admits that 18 months later when she can just start to blog, that she is a mess, still. Her underlining mantra: God did not look away when tragedy ripped right through her. He was there, is here, and always be here...and it OK that she does not like it, does not understand it, never will completely, but we were made for eternity, not complete understanding on this earth with these limited minds and eyes. And God understands our limits and meets us there. Really a beautiful book. Honest, not preachy. I went away amazed by Mary Beth, but even more amazed by God, despite how books like these makes every mother want to cry and upset that God does allow horrible things happen.
May 26, 2015
I remember my sister telling me "Did you hear? Steven Chapman lost his daughter." I watched the heart-breaking story unfold like so many people, and was impressed with how public, open, and honest the Chapman's were while still honoring God.
I enjoyed reading more about the Chapman's, their faith, and their journey toward healing. I didn't understand the need to share a couple of the awkward stories that she shared in the book, however, I think it also is part of why people can relate to MaryBeth.
I recommend for older readers.
I enjoyed reading more about the Chapman's, their faith, and their journey toward healing. I didn't understand the need to share a couple of the awkward stories that she shared in the book, however, I think it also is part of why people can relate to MaryBeth.
I recommend for older readers.
December 15, 2023
Unless you have walked through the valley this family had to walk, that of losing a child at a very young age, you really can't have any idea of what it feels like. The raw grief still pouring from her heart in this book, written just two years after the accident, was difficult to read. God's hand was evident throughout but it was still gutwrenching.
September 6, 2010
Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman and Ellen Vaughn is a heart-rending account of a mother's loss and trusting in God. I remember the day I heard about the death of Maria Chapman, the daughter of popular Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman and wife Mary Beth. She was tragically killed when her elder brother Will's car hit and killed her in the family driveway. I sympathized with their pain because I had a son just Will's age and a daughter Maria's. Our son had recently gotten his license, and I felt there but for the grace of God... I knew that reading Mary Beth's account of the tragedy would break my heart before I started reading the book, but I was so inspired by her courage in writing this book, I knew that it was one I needed to read. Mary Beth tells the story of her growing up and struggling to always be perfect in order to be loved by God and her family. She loves Jesus, but believed in a works kind of faith that left her always feeling like a failure. When she met Steven in college, the two immediately hit if off, and despite her plans to finish school, get a good job and marry an accountant, she found herself married at nineteen and working to support her musician husband's dream. Mary Beth's writing voice is always warm, deeply honest, and incredibly likable. By the time I got to the section about Maria's death, it felt like Mary Beth was someone I knew and deeply cared about. I sobbed my way through the rest of the book, often with sadness, but just as often with joy at the beauty of how the Chapmans allowed themselves to be used by God and refused to let Satan win in his attack on them. Mary Beth's account of the accident is detailed, honest, and completely heart-breaking, but even in the first moments after, you can see the family's love for each other. Mary Beth doesn't pretend that she has healed from her daughter's death, and she openly shares her pain, but she always, always keeps her eye on the glory of God, and she is an inspiration for anyone who has suffered a deep and terrible loss.
August 21, 2010
Title: CHOOSING TO SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope
Author: Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn
Publisher: Revell
August 2010
ISBN: 978-0-8007-1991-3
Genre: Inspirational/memoir
All of us in the Christian internet world remember the day that the news broke that Steve Curtis Chapman lost his five-year-old daughter, Maria, in a tragic accident. Some of us flocked over to their blog, reading the terrible story and crying tears of symphathy for this family. I remember telling my husband that I thought a book would come out about this. And now I’m holding it in my hand.
The story is poignant. Heartbreaking. I opened the book and started crying through the dedications. And then bawled like a baby as I read the first chapter. My heart broke all over again for this family.
But the story doesn’t end with the grief. The story shows the struggles of the family as they worked their way through the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death discovering answers to their questions, and CHOOSING TO SEE that the God of the mountain is the God of the valley.
Memoirs are not my favorite genre to read, but this one is better than most of them I’ve read recently. The story takes you into the private pain of this public family, and as it unfolds you’ll see them struggling to maintain normalicy, to go on with life despite the horrific loss, and the pain that the one boy will bear the rest of his life. Pictures are included in the center of the book. $21.99 hardcover. 279 pages.
Author: Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn
Publisher: Revell
August 2010
ISBN: 978-0-8007-1991-3
Genre: Inspirational/memoir
All of us in the Christian internet world remember the day that the news broke that Steve Curtis Chapman lost his five-year-old daughter, Maria, in a tragic accident. Some of us flocked over to their blog, reading the terrible story and crying tears of symphathy for this family. I remember telling my husband that I thought a book would come out about this. And now I’m holding it in my hand.
The story is poignant. Heartbreaking. I opened the book and started crying through the dedications. And then bawled like a baby as I read the first chapter. My heart broke all over again for this family.
But the story doesn’t end with the grief. The story shows the struggles of the family as they worked their way through the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death discovering answers to their questions, and CHOOSING TO SEE that the God of the mountain is the God of the valley.
Memoirs are not my favorite genre to read, but this one is better than most of them I’ve read recently. The story takes you into the private pain of this public family, and as it unfolds you’ll see them struggling to maintain normalicy, to go on with life despite the horrific loss, and the pain that the one boy will bear the rest of his life. Pictures are included in the center of the book. $21.99 hardcover. 279 pages.
September 3, 2011
I enjoyed reading the story of Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman's life, and my heart grieved along with her in the loss of her precious child. I must say though, that her theology in places disturbed me. Having lost a child of my own (to cancer at age 14), I thought I might relate to her, but I did not. To me, she came across as ungrounded and mystical in places. I do appreciate her writing the book though- I'm sure it took a lot of courage. I have always loved the theology of Steven's music but didn't find the same perspective here that is found in his music. I guess they are very different from each other, which she does point out. Not trying to trash this book -I'm sure my opinion of this book is not as most in Christendom. So read it and decide for yourself what you think!
March 15, 2012
I have been a fan of Steven Curtis Chapman for a very long time. I remember when I heard the news that their 5 year old daughter had died after being hit with a car.
I have had this book on my list for a while but it took a while to start reading it. I knew it would be hard. My worst fear is losing one of my children so I knew it would be very hard to read about it happening to the Chapman family.
I was glad she included much of her life story. I didn't know she was going to talk about it but it was good to read. She was very honest and I liked that. At times I had to put the book down and cry, it was so sad. You can tell how hard this has been on their whole family.
I have had this book on my list for a while but it took a while to start reading it. I knew it would be hard. My worst fear is losing one of my children so I knew it would be very hard to read about it happening to the Chapman family.
I was glad she included much of her life story. I didn't know she was going to talk about it but it was good to read. She was very honest and I liked that. At times I had to put the book down and cry, it was so sad. You can tell how hard this has been on their whole family.
April 5, 2013
It's not often you can say you "accidentally read a book," but I'd say that's a pretty apt description. I picked this up at the house where we were staying on vacation, thinking, "oh, maybe I'll get a quick look at what happened." Next thing I knew it was 1 a.m., I'd read the whole darn thing, and my eyes were in a pretty bad state. I typically don't care for what I'd call "Christian Bookstore writing," but the Chapmans' story is very compelling, and I thought Mary Beth was incredibly brave to bear her heart and story so honestly. It is a picture of God's grace from start to finish, and I feel blessed to have read it.
October 2, 2018
This book is beautifully written by a woman who has walked through one life’s greatest losses-the death of her beloved daughter. Mrs. Chapman is transparent. She is honest. She describes her grief, her anger, her sadness and her hope with such clarity. It’s refreshing to read a Christian woman speak openly about her depression. It’s a gift how she opens up and allows her readers access into her pain & suffering. All the while, Mrs. Chapman continually bring glory back to Christ.
One of her quotes from C.S. Lewis sums it up well, “There is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it.”
One of her quotes from C.S. Lewis sums it up well, “There is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it.”
April 10, 2021
Mary Beth wrote this book primarily about the accident where her son accidentally struck and killed her daughter in 2008. Ive always avoided reading it because I remember hearing about it when the accident occurred and thinking that had to be one of the worst possible nightmares to live through as a mom.
I finally read it and I’m glad I did. Mary Beth provides some back story of her struggle with depression, how she met her husband, how they came to adopt three children from China, etc., and her candidness and vulnerability throughout the whole memoir is really appealing. She never sugarcoats how hard the death of their daughter was and continues to be, but she also continues to affirm her faith in God and belief that He still loves her even through this unspeakable tragedy.
She wrote the book in 2010. I was curious about how she was doing now so I went and looked up her and her kids (now adults) on social media. Of course she still grieves, but it was good to see her now with grandkids and still advocating for adoption.
It’s a hard book to read; I definitely bawled, but it’s a great testimony to God and one mom who continues to cling to Him in faith.
I finally read it and I’m glad I did. Mary Beth provides some back story of her struggle with depression, how she met her husband, how they came to adopt three children from China, etc., and her candidness and vulnerability throughout the whole memoir is really appealing. She never sugarcoats how hard the death of their daughter was and continues to be, but she also continues to affirm her faith in God and belief that He still loves her even through this unspeakable tragedy.
She wrote the book in 2010. I was curious about how she was doing now so I went and looked up her and her kids (now adults) on social media. Of course she still grieves, but it was good to see her now with grandkids and still advocating for adoption.
It’s a hard book to read; I definitely bawled, but it’s a great testimony to God and one mom who continues to cling to Him in faith.
July 9, 2017
I can't even imagine. The pain of not only losing a child, but also comforting the family member who was the inadvertent cause, plus being in the very public eye during this very personal time...my heart break for this family, even though this tragic event is now very nearly ten years in the past. I doubt that pain diminishes much in that amount of time.
Mrs. Chapman is brutally, gut-wrenching honest about her struggles, not only with her family's tragedy, but all her insecurities growing up, her battle with perfectionism and depression, the very public ministry work while trying to raise family whose numbers would ultimately rise to eight. She's candid and raw (almost too much, at times) and while the writing isn't exactly Nobel Prize worthy, it's heartfelt and draws you in, letting you catch a glimpse of the moments both of incredible pain, but also incredible joy, awe, wonder, and amazement. It's a beautiful story, if a painful one... but sometimes the most painful are the most beautiful.
They are strong proponents of adoption, I would assume of domestic as well as international, though their journey took them in the latter direction, as it did most of their family and friends who chose to adopt as well. They have chose to expand their family to those who would not have had one otherwise, and have seen God work wonders as a result, and not only for their family.
I pray they continue to find God's peace and blessings throughout the years to come, as hopefully the pain dulls some, and the joys increase.
Mrs. Chapman is brutally, gut-wrenching honest about her struggles, not only with her family's tragedy, but all her insecurities growing up, her battle with perfectionism and depression, the very public ministry work while trying to raise family whose numbers would ultimately rise to eight. She's candid and raw (almost too much, at times) and while the writing isn't exactly Nobel Prize worthy, it's heartfelt and draws you in, letting you catch a glimpse of the moments both of incredible pain, but also incredible joy, awe, wonder, and amazement. It's a beautiful story, if a painful one... but sometimes the most painful are the most beautiful.
They are strong proponents of adoption, I would assume of domestic as well as international, though their journey took them in the latter direction, as it did most of their family and friends who chose to adopt as well. They have chose to expand their family to those who would not have had one otherwise, and have seen God work wonders as a result, and not only for their family.
I pray they continue to find God's peace and blessings throughout the years to come, as hopefully the pain dulls some, and the joys increase.
August 31, 2010
Choosing to See
By Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn
c. 2010
ISBN: 978-0-8007-1991-3
$21.99, Revell
Review by Lisa J Lickel
You gotta love a woman who admits to peeing on her future husband before they’ve even had their first date.
I don’t tend to read much non-fiction. I picked up this book because I thought it would be another nice Bible study-themed guide I could share with a ladies group. And I like SCC music. I prefer fictional people doing fictional things to escape from the reality of all the denials in a writer’s life that barely outweigh the compliments, the catfights at church and little girls getting smushed at my mailbox when only my teenaged son is at home.
I read the back of the book and thought, great, another story about how bad things happen to famous people and they write a best-selling book about it. Then I got to the inside. Okay, yes, it’s a bad-thing-happened-to-my-family story, but it’s more than that. Mary Beth Chapman’s memoir of how she got the place of being able to still be a daughter of the King despite the fact that very little of how she planned to practice that life of faith was granted. She begins with her childhood, her heroes and her concept of failure. She talks about the energy she put into trying to be perfect, an ideal she made up.
She moves about her life and the subsequent tragedy that reminded her that no one is perfect except for the Father. To overcome the terrible accident that resulted in a dreadful loss, she started to share the experience first on her husband’s blog, then in this story. The Chapmans worked with their grief to keep it from turning bitter and even more devastating to found Show Hope, an organization that helps provide funding for the expensive process of adopting children.
Mary Beth Chapman also shares her story on the Women of Hope tour.
No, I didn’t read every word of this book. I teared up reading the introduction and dedication. No one should have to go through a tragedy like this, but if you like real stories about people who can show you how to turn mourning into joy, you’ll be blessed by this book.
“Available September 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.”
By Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn
c. 2010
ISBN: 978-0-8007-1991-3
$21.99, Revell
Review by Lisa J Lickel
You gotta love a woman who admits to peeing on her future husband before they’ve even had their first date.
I don’t tend to read much non-fiction. I picked up this book because I thought it would be another nice Bible study-themed guide I could share with a ladies group. And I like SCC music. I prefer fictional people doing fictional things to escape from the reality of all the denials in a writer’s life that barely outweigh the compliments, the catfights at church and little girls getting smushed at my mailbox when only my teenaged son is at home.
I read the back of the book and thought, great, another story about how bad things happen to famous people and they write a best-selling book about it. Then I got to the inside. Okay, yes, it’s a bad-thing-happened-to-my-family story, but it’s more than that. Mary Beth Chapman’s memoir of how she got the place of being able to still be a daughter of the King despite the fact that very little of how she planned to practice that life of faith was granted. She begins with her childhood, her heroes and her concept of failure. She talks about the energy she put into trying to be perfect, an ideal she made up.
She moves about her life and the subsequent tragedy that reminded her that no one is perfect except for the Father. To overcome the terrible accident that resulted in a dreadful loss, she started to share the experience first on her husband’s blog, then in this story. The Chapmans worked with their grief to keep it from turning bitter and even more devastating to found Show Hope, an organization that helps provide funding for the expensive process of adopting children.
Mary Beth Chapman also shares her story on the Women of Hope tour.
No, I didn’t read every word of this book. I teared up reading the introduction and dedication. No one should have to go through a tragedy like this, but if you like real stories about people who can show you how to turn mourning into joy, you’ll be blessed by this book.
“Available September 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.”
September 3, 2010
Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn in her new book, “Choosing To See” published by Revell brings us into the life of her family.
What do we expect of those individuals who have the spotlight of the Gospel? Do we hold them on a high pedestal where we can show them off and say that is hos God treats His elite? Are those whose names we hear practically every day different from the rest of us?
Steven Curtis Chapman is a multi Grammy award and Dove award winning artist. He has played at The White House and petitioned before Congress. His face has graced the covers of Charisma and other Christian magazines. Mary Beth Chapman brings us into her world, her marriage to Steven, children, bills, a home that burns down and a host of other experiences that can only happen to a family. Some of the stories are quite painful, others are humorous while others bring you to the Gates of Heaven. This is real life. Reality TV has nothing on this because here God is at the core of everything.
Ms. Chapman answers my questions above by showing us we are all human even if we do appear at The White House and win lots of awards. We have to deal with each other and we need to lean on God at all times especially when things get desperate. I felt as if I were a part of the Chapman family as I read through this book. When tragedy occurs I wonder if I could have handled it with the grace that they handled it with. This book opened my eyes to see that I need to walk moment by moment with Jesus so that I can handle everything that comes my way; both the good and the bad. I recommend this book highly.
To listen to 24 Christian music please visit our internet radio station http://www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Revell. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Available September 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
What do we expect of those individuals who have the spotlight of the Gospel? Do we hold them on a high pedestal where we can show them off and say that is hos God treats His elite? Are those whose names we hear practically every day different from the rest of us?
Steven Curtis Chapman is a multi Grammy award and Dove award winning artist. He has played at The White House and petitioned before Congress. His face has graced the covers of Charisma and other Christian magazines. Mary Beth Chapman brings us into her world, her marriage to Steven, children, bills, a home that burns down and a host of other experiences that can only happen to a family. Some of the stories are quite painful, others are humorous while others bring you to the Gates of Heaven. This is real life. Reality TV has nothing on this because here God is at the core of everything.
Ms. Chapman answers my questions above by showing us we are all human even if we do appear at The White House and win lots of awards. We have to deal with each other and we need to lean on God at all times especially when things get desperate. I felt as if I were a part of the Chapman family as I read through this book. When tragedy occurs I wonder if I could have handled it with the grace that they handled it with. This book opened my eyes to see that I need to walk moment by moment with Jesus so that I can handle everything that comes my way; both the good and the bad. I recommend this book highly.
To listen to 24 Christian music please visit our internet radio station http://www.kingdomairwaves.org
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Revell. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Available September 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
July 4, 2013
"Choosing to SEE" was recommended by a trusted friend. "It's about God" is how the author, Mary Beth Chapman, describes the book, in her own words. It's about how her family's faith in God is questioned and challenged. How they find God's will, in signs they choose to see, like "bread crumbs of grace", left during those times when the path is darkest. While most would consider the Chapmans a devoted Christian family, their story holds great meaning for non-Christians too.
Mary Beth's book covers raising her three children with husband Steven, adoption of three more and the tragic death of their youngest daughter Maria.
You cannot help but admire the compassion of this family to adopt not once, but three times from China. Mary Beth and Steven also set up a charitable foundation called "Show Hope", to help other families who want to give homes to orphans. In memory of Maria, their foundation built Maria's Big House of Hope, a six floor facility in China, caring for up to 128 orphans, with 190 staff.
But it is how the family copes with Maria's death that is the central theme of the book. I cried for Maria, Mary Beth, Steven and their family. My heart broke, especially for Will with the burden he carries.
I remembered coming across the Chapman's story before. At the time, I could not fully appreciate their suffering, until our nine-year-old daughter died in January 2012. I bought the book Tuesday afternoon and had finished it by the next day. A must-read book for those mourning after the death of a child.
Mary Beth's book covers raising her three children with husband Steven, adoption of three more and the tragic death of their youngest daughter Maria.
You cannot help but admire the compassion of this family to adopt not once, but three times from China. Mary Beth and Steven also set up a charitable foundation called "Show Hope", to help other families who want to give homes to orphans. In memory of Maria, their foundation built Maria's Big House of Hope, a six floor facility in China, caring for up to 128 orphans, with 190 staff.
But it is how the family copes with Maria's death that is the central theme of the book. I cried for Maria, Mary Beth, Steven and their family. My heart broke, especially for Will with the burden he carries.
I remembered coming across the Chapman's story before. At the time, I could not fully appreciate their suffering, until our nine-year-old daughter died in January 2012. I bought the book Tuesday afternoon and had finished it by the next day. A must-read book for those mourning after the death of a child.
August 4, 2011
I remember hearing about this book almost as soon as it came out and have been eagerly anticipating reading it ever since. Having heard of the tragic accidental death of the Chapman’s little adopted Chinese daughter when it happened, I knew the Mary Beth’s story would be heartfelt and insightful. I was not disappointed on either count. Mary Beth’s style of writing is very real and personable. It has you laughing one minute, gasping the next, and then wiping tears from your eyes. But in it all, she points the reader continually to Jesus Christ and His sufficiency in every situation.
The aspect of the story that was mostly indelibly impressed upon my heart was the emotional openness that the Chapman’s exhibited, especially in regard to their son, Will, who was responsible for the accidental death of his little sister. They didn’t downplay it or brush it under the rug, assuming he would get over it on his own. Instead they talked about it openly, encouraged the support and prayers of friends, and acknowledged how incredibly difficult it would be for him to get past the experience. In a day when so many Christians plaster on a smile and pretend like everything is okay, it was both refreshing and convicting to see the value in an emotional openness that is honest about our deep inner struggles. For in the vulnerability of this openness, we are also enabled to receive the comfort, love, and support we need from the Lord and His people.
The aspect of the story that was mostly indelibly impressed upon my heart was the emotional openness that the Chapman’s exhibited, especially in regard to their son, Will, who was responsible for the accidental death of his little sister. They didn’t downplay it or brush it under the rug, assuming he would get over it on his own. Instead they talked about it openly, encouraged the support and prayers of friends, and acknowledged how incredibly difficult it would be for him to get past the experience. In a day when so many Christians plaster on a smile and pretend like everything is okay, it was both refreshing and convicting to see the value in an emotional openness that is honest about our deep inner struggles. For in the vulnerability of this openness, we are also enabled to receive the comfort, love, and support we need from the Lord and His people.
April 11, 2013
The subtitle of this book is "A Journey of Struggle and Hope", and as I read this honest, raw, genuine story of the heartbreak a family experienced, I went on my own journey emotionally and spiritually. Mary Beth Chapman is an unbelievable writer who doesn't try to fit a mold or make herself seem perfect or together. I was so encouraged as she shared her faith struggles and the lessons learned as she walked, and continues to walk through desperate grief. About halfway through the book, I started crying and didn't stop until long after I finished reading. I had to make sure I wasn't reading it somewhere public! I feel like I experienced the reality of God ever so clearly while reading this book. It was so clear that even though Mary Beth's worst nightmare became a reality, God had his hand on everything and everyone and He was walking them through it. He cares so deeply and he grieves and suffers with us. As someone who experienced a devastating loss at a young age, I feel like God spoke to me clearly and rekindled some emotions and truths that I had stuffed down. This book encouraged me to seek His face, no matter how messy life may get, and to not care about having everything in order and having a perfect life. Drawing near to Him is the first priority, and no matter how uncomfortable things may get (because they will get uncomfortable!), He will be there at every point in the process.
December 1, 2016
While this book wouldn't get 4 stars for writing quality, I give it 4 stars for the truth and encouragement in it and the bravery it took to write this book. Some of the big takeaways for me were:
-either all of Christianity is true or ALL lie after lie. Because it is all true, we have so much hope ahead of us!
-salvation through Christ is such a gift not just personally but because of the comfort of knowing Christian loved ones who've passed away are safe and pain-free in heaven.
-Mary Beth talked about wanting a pill/surgery/cure for her grief. Then she said, maybe the reason there isn't one is because there is something to be learned about God in the suffering.
-the book was full of reminders that we do not have a high priest who cannot empathize with us! He also suffered and is right here with us in trials!
I heard once that we should consider the author of any book we read to be our mentor (so be careful who you read!). I love that I sat under Mary Beth's mentorship for the 5 hours of this audiobook! She was so gospel-centered and her honesty/transparency and love of family and friends was inspiring.
-either all of Christianity is true or ALL lie after lie. Because it is all true, we have so much hope ahead of us!
-salvation through Christ is such a gift not just personally but because of the comfort of knowing Christian loved ones who've passed away are safe and pain-free in heaven.
-Mary Beth talked about wanting a pill/surgery/cure for her grief. Then she said, maybe the reason there isn't one is because there is something to be learned about God in the suffering.
-the book was full of reminders that we do not have a high priest who cannot empathize with us! He also suffered and is right here with us in trials!
I heard once that we should consider the author of any book we read to be our mentor (so be careful who you read!). I love that I sat under Mary Beth's mentorship for the 5 hours of this audiobook! She was so gospel-centered and her honesty/transparency and love of family and friends was inspiring.
July 17, 2017
Love, love, LOVED this book! I am a big fan of Steven Curtis Chapman's Christian music and remember hearing about the tragedy of his daughter being killed when his son accidentally hit her with the car. This book is by his wife, Mary Beth. Just from the dedication to her husband, I knew I was going to love Mary Beth's sense of humor. The first half of the book talks about her early life, her struggles with depression, and her faith journey. The second half of the book deals with the sudden death of little Maria and how Mary Beth is getting through it. Even knowing what was coming, it was difficult to get through the chapters surrounding the accident. But the more I read, the more I felt the Holy Spirit confirming her words that God is in our lives, every day, and life is hard, but we will get through it when we lean on Him. I love how she recognizes Satan's attempts to foil her plans and gives praise to God throughout her story. I wish more people spoke of Christ so personally. This book is written with sincerity and reality and truth.
April 6, 2012
I truly enjoyed reading this book. I love how honestly it was told. MaryBeth talks about all the emotions she went through including being angry with God. Yes, she's married to a Gospel singer and they are a religious family, but she was not afraid to say she was mad at God for taking her child. It seemed like this book was her way of dealing with the grief. In the end she holds onto her belief in God, and there is no fault in that. Every single person deals with grief and their religion in different ways. I cried when I read this book, but I also found it helpful in dealing with my own anger at God for taking my great-niece at just 11days old (she & her twin brother were born 4mos premature weighing only 1lb each. Her twin brother is now 16mos old and is happy and healthy. I feel his sister is up in heaven watching over him as his guardian angel)! If you get the chance to read it I recommend it.
October 4, 2010
Admittedly, I began this book jaded. So many Christian books on suffering wrap it all up in a bow or 5 steps to better grieving. How wrong I was! MBC allows us into her pain and struggle and it is a HOLY JOURNEY. At times I thought, she does not have to let me in on this. So personal is the trip into a soul broken. But she did. And I am better for it.
If MBC sat next to me, I would hug her and thank her for sharing words and leading us all as we grapple with this broken world where children die. It's just wrong. And we suffer and hurt and cry and scream. And as we wrestle, God gives us strength to get up and put one foot in front of the other. She puts words to suffering and these words turn out to be a balm and a blanket of comfort.
If MBC sat next to me, I would hug her and thank her for sharing words and leading us all as we grapple with this broken world where children die. It's just wrong. And we suffer and hurt and cry and scream. And as we wrestle, God gives us strength to get up and put one foot in front of the other. She puts words to suffering and these words turn out to be a balm and a blanket of comfort.
December 30, 2011
I had to stop reading this book for a little while, as it had my emotions 'all tangled' almost from the beginning.
As my husband and I are on the adoption journey, the descriptions of how the three Chinese princesses came in to the Chapman's lives had me very emotional. This is where I had to put the book down for a bit. I knew that the book was not only about adoption, but about the Chapman's youngest dying in a car accident. I had to gather myself before I moved on in the book.
I much admire Mary Beth for her honesty in sharing her life story. How she is real with her feelings. This book let me SEE how faith, love, and the hope of Jesus shines in the Chapman's life. Even through such a horrible tragedy. One day they will be reunited in Heaven with their little Maria!
As my husband and I are on the adoption journey, the descriptions of how the three Chinese princesses came in to the Chapman's lives had me very emotional. This is where I had to put the book down for a bit. I knew that the book was not only about adoption, but about the Chapman's youngest dying in a car accident. I had to gather myself before I moved on in the book.
I much admire Mary Beth for her honesty in sharing her life story. How she is real with her feelings. This book let me SEE how faith, love, and the hope of Jesus shines in the Chapman's life. Even through such a horrible tragedy. One day they will be reunited in Heaven with their little Maria!
June 29, 2013
I've followed the singing career of Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman since I was a little girl. My heart was broken for his family when his daughter was killed in an accident a few years back.....his wife wrote this book about the heartbreak and wrenching grief that she--and the family--has undergone, and how faithfully the Lord has kept them through it all. And it is amazing to see what ministry opportunities their family now has through their personal tragedy. I read this book with tears literally streaming down my face--she is real and honest about her doubts and questioning and anger....but also about the sustaining grace and mercy of God.
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