A loving king and queen present their daughter with a gift from God - her first kiss - to keep or to give away. The wise girl waits for the man who is worthy of her precious gift. Where is he and how will she ever find him? The surprising answer in this marvelous parable will touch the heart of parent and child alike.The Princess and the Kiss beautifully portrays the ageless message that "love... comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith" (1 Timothy 1:5 NIV)
I saw this book in a documentary about young girls attending a so-called purity ball where they sign a document stating they won't have sex before marriage. One of the girls has been attending every year since she was seven years old. I can't think of a more fucked up thing than telling a seven-year old to keep her legs shut. What the fuck?
Stop sexualizing young girls, and stop telling them their body isn't their own. Educate teenagers properly when they actually get to an age where they have questions, feelings and natural curiosity about sexual topics. It's every young person's own choice whether or not they want to engage in sexual activities with their peers, and it's better to educate them how to do it safely than to tell them "God loves you less if you have sex". Purity culture leads to unnecessary guilt and shame, not to mention high teen pregnancy rates. And even if you don't care about all of that, imagine what a message like "your worth is tied to your virginity" does to sexual assault survivors.
The goal of this children's book is to impress upon young girls ("Ages 9-12") to save their "first kiss" for the right guy, and to not give it away prematurely. The "kiss" is a very thinly veiled metaphor for virginity, and is visualized in the story as a glowing orb. The princess in the story does wait, and is rewarded.
It's worth noting that the book doesn't promise that such a guy will come. As the mother explains: "Oh, yes, my dear. I think God will bring a husband to you. But, if he does not, the kiss will be yours to treasure forever."
Clearly this Christian book lines up with the American Evangelical ethic, but does it follow from the scriptures? Sometimes:
1) "While the princess was growing up, the king and queen kept this precious gift [the 'kiss'] safe in their care."
Yes: In the scriptures, a daughter's reproductive role was her father's property. If a daughter was cheapened by rape (Deut 22:28-29) or seduction (Exodus 22:16-17), the damage was done to her father's assets, and he must be paid. The standard bride-price was thirty shekels of silver ($423) even if the father refused to give her up. (There are still vestiges of this in American culture, when the father "gives away the bride" at her wedding.) The reduction in her worth to the father was independent of the cause (whether the depetaling was consensual or not). All in all, it was a violation of the father's rights.
2) In the story, the princess accepts the farm boy's surprise marriage proposal.
No: Marriages were arranged by the father.
3) The farm boy offers his glowing orb of virginity to the Princess, saying "My parents kept it for me until I became a man."
No: In the Hebrew Bible, virginity is an attribute only of women. The word "virgin" is only used with females (save one reference in Revelation concerning the 144,000 men that will be saved (apparently, no women in that saved group)). The scriptures frequently talk of women who have not known a man, but never men who have not known a woman. Indeed, this book is targeted to girls, not boys.
Incidentally, this resolves another question. If a man of the scriptures only had one globe, to which of his possible many wives would he give it to? Approx 40 men of the Bible had multiple wives, including such heavy hitters as Abraham (3), Jacob (4), David (8 + some concubines), and of course Solomon (700 + 300 concubines). Indeed, polygamy is presumed in the law (Deut 21:15-17), which we'd assume is reaffirmed with Matt 5:17-18.
The Princess and the Kiss is one of those books that deserves more hate.
Beautifully drawn with an ugly message, The Princess and the Kiss tells the story of a Godly princess whose parents give her a wonderful gift when she’s born: her first kiss. Rather than give away this treasure to the first suitor that comes a-calling, the princess waits for the right one. It’s not Prince Romance with his chocolates or Prince Money bags with his money, no it’s a poor beggar boy dressed in rags that the princess falls for because HE TOO HAS KEPT HIS FIRST KISS. And he gives it to her! The message is that what’s valuable about a person when it comes to relationships is whether they’re sexually “pure” or not. There’s a sort of sexual prosperity gospel that the purity culture promotes that goes like this: If you wait until marriage, then you’ll be blessed with a wonderful relationship and an awesome sex life, and you’ll live happily ever after and never have a problem with your partner as long as you live. Real relationships are a lot more complicated than that, but purity culture teaches both boys and girls that the only important thing about a romantic partner is their virginity. In fact, you want to be so virginal that you haven’t even kissed until the altar. Your first kiss should be with your wife. This extreme approach to purity often emphasizes “emotional purity” in addition to sexual. That’s the idea that you shouldn’t engage in relationships until you’re sure that the person you’re going to build this relationship with is someone that you’re going to marry. The root cause of sex is relationships, so the best way to remain a virgin is to abstain from relationships altogether. If you want to raise some fucked up and lonely kids, this is a good set of beliefs to do it with.
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My personal experience with purity culture and emotional purity culture is that the teachings lead to a range of problems in adult relationships. A lot of people who grew up like I did talk about the way it led to an inability to engage in meaningful relationships or be emotionally vulnerable for example. How it made them feel guilty for enjoying sex. How it gave them the idea that all interactions between two people of opposite genders have to center around sex. In my opinion, one of the worst problems is that such a shallow view of human relationships doesn’t account for bad relationships. Since the idea in purity culture is that you’ll only ever have sex with one person, people often feel that ending the relationship is not an option. Unfortunately, as many people have experienced, it’s better for some relationships to end. By cutting off the ability of the participants to leave, purity culture creates an ennabled environment for sexual abuse. The Princess and the Kiss is part of the propaganda machine for a belief system that has hurt so many people. Feed them the ideas when they’re young, and they won’t question them when they’re older. This book was written to indoctrinate children.
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For those interested in seeing how The Princess and the Kiss, fits into the world of Purity Culture watch the documentary A Courtship on Amazon Prime.
I adore this book! I picked it out for my high school graduation - my parents were surprised. I hope to someday write a book that is as moving to others as this was to me. The story illustrates a beautiful picture of how special God's gift of purity is. I love the classical artwork, characters and ultimately the message that it proclaims. It is not your average fairytale. There is no one singing and dancing around about their "true love's kiss." No, this story is a representation of any girl who, with God's guidance, has the perseverance to not give into the temporary promises of pressing suitors. I showed this book to my parents and they were so touched that they had tears in their eyes. This book is dear to my heart and I will treasure it always. PS - I still have my kiss saved until marriage. Do you?
If I could rate this 0 stars I would. Having this book read to me as a child is high on my list of religion based traumatic moments. For years it instilled ideas of shame and fear around my own sexuality. It taught me as a young girl that my body does not belong to me, I do not have bodily autonomy, and that I must ask my father for permission to "give" my body to another man (ew). That virginity not only exists, but is something that can be taken from you (a thinly veiled allegory, seriously she is "deflowered"). And, for a woman, that doing the act of sex means that you are losing a part of yourself. This book set me up to be abused as a child and not tell anybody about it because I was so ashamed that I was now "impure" in the eyes of God. This is extremely common in the Catholic church but I can honestly cite this book as being a prime motivator for keeping my silence for so long. I was terrified that people would find out I gave away my "kiss" without asking my fathers permission or being married, when in reality I was just a scared, abused child.
Regardless of your religious beliefs, please just have a good old fashioned age appropriate sit down conversation about safe, consensual sex with your children and grandchildren and dont buy this book. You can teach the importance of waiting until theyre of an appropriate age and of finding a partner that they can trust and respects them and their bodies. This book will only set them up to be afraid of impurity and groom a young mind into being easily manipulated and ultimately abused.
This book effectively scarred me for life as a child. The messages behind this are truly something I can never forget. I guess it did what it was intended to!
The book and its message about saving ones first kiss and how important it is to wait for your "prince". The part were the author makes it clear that to her "God loves girls who wait" this was very influential in my early pre teen self, which is when my mother had me read this book. Right around the time I read this book was when I was trying to figure out how to tell my mother I had been molested. But this book made it clear that no one would ever love me, especially not God. I spent the next decade of my life having delightful panic attacks anytime a boy showed even the slightest bit of attraction to me, which that sure kept me away from boys. Unworthy of love teen me spent the entirety of my teen years trying to be as perfect as possible in hopes that this could somehow make me good enough for someone to care about.
I read this book as a child and rediscovered it a couple of years ago as an adult. When I was little, I thought it was a fun, cute story. As an adult, it gave me really weird vibes. I'm pretty sure this book contributed to the shame I felt when I started developing sexually. As I was very young when I read this (only about six or seven), I didn't understand the nuance, and assumed that you had to save your first kiss for marriage.
While I understand that Christianity is important to a lot of people, its notions about purity--especially as they apply to young girls and AFAB people--is incredibly damaging. Knowing what I know now, I can no longer look fondly upon this book as I did when I was a child. This book is not the sole reason for the religious guilt I felt as a preteen/young teen, but it was definitely a part of it.
Rather than read this book to your daughters, please throw it in the garbage. Purity culture indoctrination at its finest. You’re only valuable to your future husband if you meet him with your virginity in tact.
My favorite modern fairytale for girls. I've purchased and given away at least twenty copies with personal inscriptions.
Are you tired of the princess stories where the prince shows up, kisses the princess, and off they ride into the sunset? This book actually empowers girls to exercise more wisdom, discernment and discretion before giving her kiss away to the first handsome, arrogant, or rich prince that shows up on her doorstep. This is the kind of girl-empowerment I can embrace! My three daughters are being raised to be confident and pure. My son has benefited from the story as well, learning to be a prince whom a princess can respect, learning to wait for a respectable princess as well.
This is a horrible, shameful, and downright disturbing book and I wish I could give this negative stars. What does this book tell little girls who were sexually abused? That their future husbands don’t want damaged goods because they were supposed to sully them first? Even if the little girl you want to read this to wasn’t abused, why tell her the only worth she has for someone is her purity? The fact that this book is covertly focused on the worth/cleanliness of female genitalia is more disturbing and disgusting than I can put to words.
The only positive take away with this book is the illustration. I liked the unique art style. But if this book was gifted to your daughters and your not sure if you should read it to them? Don’t. Toss it.
I'm very uncertain about how I feel about this book.
I definitely appreciate the heart behind the book, which is to give parents a tool to help them raise their daughters in purity. I give that a standing ovation. And unlike some I don't have a problem with the "kiss" and saving it. I believe most children would recognize the context as a marital one and see on Disney and stuff that you kiss and marry. Kids don't need more info than that - no matter what public schools think - until they are older. I liked how it pointed out the problems of different kinds of suitors in a simple way.
But knowing "the right one" because he has saved his kiss for you? Not so sure...if you're straight up talking about a kiss. I did save my first kiss for the altar (and didn't suffer angst from that choice), but many don't, and while I wish more did I'm not prepared to say it's a sin to kiss before you marry. And even if someone is a virgin it doesn't mean that they're the one for you. God forgives and restores those who have made mistakes.
This is a book for children, though, so how much do you say? Do you just leave it to the parent to fill in the gaps? It is a fairy tale so realism isn't exactly something we're used to in that vein.
Personally, I checked the book out from the library and don't plan on adding it to our personal collection. I know many have raved about the illustrations, but I was quite disappointed in them. They're a little ... weird? bizarre? I don't find most of them attractive at all, and since I'm on the fence about how I feel regarding the story, the unattractive illustrations make the decision for me.
I wanted to like this book: I am a Christian, I enjoy fairy tales, and I liked the lovely illustrations. I also agree with the idea that sex should be reserved for marriage. However, this book chose to represent the entire idea of purity with the image of a kiss, a specifically concrete thing. Since children are such black and white thinkers, I feel that reading this book to young children would put it into their minds that they are not allowed to kiss someone until their wedding. While that is a belief to which some Christians proscribe, I am not one of them. Also, it seemed heavily implied that the perfect relationship requires both the princess and her husband-to-be to have never kissed until their wedding; this gives people no hope for grace, forgiveness, and restoration if they do not remain chaste. I always want my children to know, not simply that God expects perfect purity from them, but that, when they fall short of His perfect standard, they have Jesus Christ, who took the penalty of sin and offers redemption. This book emphasizes human behavior in remaining pure by the image of not kissing until marriage instead of the good news of the Gospel.
So, while this book was on my shelf, I did not read it to my children. I taught them, when they were old enough, that God's design was for sex to be reserved for a husband and wife in marriage, but I didn't want them to think that purity = not kissing.
I think The Princess and the Kiss was mostly about love. I like how the princess falls for a farm boy at the end. It was wise how she was thinking about the consequences of sharing her gift, the kiss. It was amazing when she found the right man with the same exact gift that God gave her when she was born.
The princess was wise about making the decision of who she will marry. She was looking at the consequences about the man’s personality and how it will affect their marriage in life. She chose the right man at the end someone who was considerate and thoughtful.
I think this book should be recommended for children especially little girls. Little girls should read it mostly because it is about a princess. They also should read it because most little girls dream about being a princess someday.
Wonderful book for little girls! I have given several to the precious children in my life. I love the illustrations as well as the message behind the book. In the culture we live in today it is rare for people to save their affection for the one they will marry. I feel that if children learn from this book now they can save a lot of heartache in the future. The great thing about this book is that even though it described in a fairy tale it can be reality for anyone. This book also shares with children that wealth, appearance, and physical strength do not equal a great person. To be truly beautiful you must beautiful on the inside.
What a wonderful book to introduce the topic of romance with your child. It's important to start talking about love early with children, and tools like these are a wonderful way to do it. This book tells the story of a king and queen who kept the princess' kiss safe until she was old enough to choose who to give it to. She met many different suitors, but was wise enough to wait for one who had saved his kiss for her. Love this book!
In this book, a king and queen present their daughter with a beautiful gift from God, her first kiss, and the princess turns away a series of suitors before encountering the one who is worthy of receiving such a precious gift from her. I would not use this book in my classroom necessarily, but i would use it for students that are raised in a Christian home. I think this was a great book for young girls.
This has been a wonderful book to have on our shelves. Reading it to my duaghter as she grew gave her a sense of how valuable she was and to weigh EVERY decision carefully. I love it the artwork, the story is simply put, beautiful, and she STILL asks me to read it to her form time to time and she is SIXTEEN. This will be one I will make sure to have on every grandchild's bookshelves.
Another read aloud enjoyed by all the children, even the boys. It is a great story on the importance and value of protecting ones purity until they are married. When read to the younger children it is a good reminder to the older children.
We were introduced to this book about 3 years ago. It is great. Highly recommend to get the book that has the cd with it so the kids can play it over and over while looking at the book.
This book is beautiful, and introduces the virtues of purity and chastity in a child-appropriate way, while honoring the dignity of the human person and the sanctity of marriage.
I remember when this book came out several years ago. I read it several times to my daughter and son. (there is also a boy's version of this book) I loaned the book out and it never came back. I’m glad that someone enjoyed the message as much as I did. I forgot about the book and replacing it on my bookshelf. When I opened this book, I saw my now 21-year-old’s face light up. She still remembers the message that is told in this story. This book tells the story of purity. Purity isn’t a popular message these days. A much-needed message for our kid's heart.
The book is beautifully illustrated and fully colored on every page. The story reads like a fairy tale to capture the imagination of children.
The book doesn’t read like a preachy book shoving purity down your throat. It shows some of the most common traits that young girls and women look for in a man. Prince Peacock is handsome and mighty. He has one flaw he is full of himself and too self-centered. Next, you meet Prince Romance who is charming and would spoil her and take her to many places. This prince would lose interest and his feelings would wane for her when his excitement of spoiling her fades away. The last suitor is Prince Treasurechest. He is very materialistic and would shower her with treasure and give her the finest things. Her kiss would not be special to him as his eyes are on the treasures this world has to offer. Many suitors came to try and win her hand in marriage.
Would she ever find a husband who was worthy of her kiss? Her mother reminds her that God will bring her a husband, that would truly treasure her. A simple farmer comes to the castle asking to see the princess. The simple man told her, “I have no gold and have no means to take her to exotic places. He whispers all I have is one special gift to offer you. He had God’s gift that was given to him on the day he was born and saved it for the special woman who would become his wife. The book ends with 1 Timothy 1:5.
My mom started reading this to me before I could talk. It taught me to wait for the one God has planned for me and not go looking for him. Because of my mom's Biblical teachings and this book, I am still faithfully waiting without having ever dated or even kissed a boy. My first kiss will be for the man God has for me.
This book taught me a lot in its pages and for that I will always be grateful. This book helped me stay clear of the mistakes of teenhood and will help me until I marry. I will teach these teachings to my children one day. If any book could ever change your life it is the Bible and this one. ❤❤❤