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One True Thing
Ellen Gulden is a successful, young New York journalist. But when her mother, Kate, is diagnosed with cancer, she leaves her life in the city to return home and care for her. In the short time they have left, the relationship between mother and daughter - tender, awkward and revealing - deepens, and Ellen is forced to confront painful truths about her adored father. But in the weeks that follow Kate's death, events take a shocking and unexpected turn. Family emotions are laid bare as a new drama is played out, and overnight Ellen goes from devoted daughter to prime suspect, accused of the mercy killing of her 'one true thing'. One True Thing is the devastating story of a mother and daughter, of love and loss, and of shattering choices.
289 pages, Paperback
First published August 30, 1994
776 people are currently reading
20036 people want to read
About the author
Anna Quindlen
86 books4,757 followersAnna Marie Quindlen is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
Her New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992. She began her journalism career in 1974 as a reporter for the New York Post. Between 1977 and 1994 she held several posts at The New York Times. Her semi-autobiographical novel One True Thing (1994) served as the basis for the 1998 film starring Meryl Streep and Renée Zellweger.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,580 reviews
January 26, 2008
This is the book that changed everything for me ... I used to HATE reading! I was a slow reader and my mind would wander while I read. During one of my last semesters of college, I took an elective course called Death and Dying. Instead of a final exam, we were required to read this book and then write a paper about it. I did not enjoy reading, so I was pleasantly surprised when I couldn't put the book down! This was almost 10 years ago, so I'm not sure if the book was really that remarkable, but the one thing I do know is that it was good enough to change my mind about reading for pleasure. For that reason, this book will always have a special place on my bookshelves :)
January 5, 2016
This was my favorite Anna Quindlin book!
People who might consider reading this:
Mothers...daughters...
Husbands & wifes...
People who value education...
People who value family...
People who value community...
People who have ever cheated -have thought of cheating --or have been a child of parents who have...
People who question 'what's right' and 'what's wrong.....(are willing to consider that maybe YOU'VE got it backwards).
People who know 'somebody' who has had cancer
People who know people who have died....
so who isn't this book for?
Got me!
People who might consider reading this:
Mothers...daughters...
Husbands & wifes...
People who value education...
People who value family...
People who value community...
People who have ever cheated -have thought of cheating --or have been a child of parents who have...
People who question 'what's right' and 'what's wrong.....(are willing to consider that maybe YOU'VE got it backwards).
People who know 'somebody' who has had cancer
People who know people who have died....
so who isn't this book for?
Got me!
January 14, 2025
I read this book a while ago, but waited until now to offer a review.
This is one of those books that haunts you long after you read it.
It is about the relationships between an adult daughter, her dying mother and the father she adores.
I really like Anna Quindlen.
Because... I think she writes very real, ordinary books that show a hidden, beautiful side of human nature.
And with this one...An especially poignant story about mother-daughter relationships.
And since I had a particularly interesting one with my own mother, I was intrigued with this book and story – especially since it dealt with end of life.
But... This story, went beyond that, and it was compelling, and thought-provoking, and the writing was amazing.
It is a thought and emotion provoking story with a great twist at the end.
There is a time, hopefully, in all daughter's lives when they begin to see their mother as a real person.
As the protagonist discovers more about who her mother is, she discovers more about herself.
Quindlen explores what we think we know about ourselves and those closest to us.
She even had me contemplating how I view my own family stories.
This is an older book, published in 1994. I believe it was made into a movie with Meryl Streep.
This is one of those books that haunts you long after you read it.
It is about the relationships between an adult daughter, her dying mother and the father she adores.
I really like Anna Quindlen.
Because... I think she writes very real, ordinary books that show a hidden, beautiful side of human nature.
And with this one...An especially poignant story about mother-daughter relationships.
And since I had a particularly interesting one with my own mother, I was intrigued with this book and story – especially since it dealt with end of life.
But... This story, went beyond that, and it was compelling, and thought-provoking, and the writing was amazing.
It is a thought and emotion provoking story with a great twist at the end.
There is a time, hopefully, in all daughter's lives when they begin to see their mother as a real person.
As the protagonist discovers more about who her mother is, she discovers more about herself.
Quindlen explores what we think we know about ourselves and those closest to us.
She even had me contemplating how I view my own family stories.
This is an older book, published in 1994. I believe it was made into a movie with Meryl Streep.
July 29, 2016
I just love Anna Quindlen. She understands life, she understands death, grieving, and our complex human emotions. And her writing is perfection; beautiful enough to bring me to tears. Quindlen had me contemplating how I view my own family stories. Are our relationships really how we imagine them, or just a “vast web of misunderstandings, a tinted and touched up family portrait, an accurate representation of fact that leaves out only the essential truth”?
Ellen has reluctantly quit her successful New York career to move in with her parents and take care of her dying mother. Ellen always had a good relationship with her father, but felt she had little in common with her mother. But as Mr. Gulden downright refuses to help in the care giving, Ellen learns what kind of man her father really is. The revelations about her mother’s stay-at-home life are surprising to Ellen as well. Early on, mother and daughter decide to form a book club so that they have something to share, reading Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, and Anna Karenina. This was a lovely idea, and gave so much insight into their relationship and ideas about women.
This story tugged at my heart. That Ellen had to watch her mom deteriorate into an unrecognizable shell of her former self, then to be accused of a mercy killing to put an end to both her mom’s and her own suffering, was very difficult to read about. But regardless, I do plan to read about it all over again someday, something very rare for me. A very rare book.
Ellen has reluctantly quit her successful New York career to move in with her parents and take care of her dying mother. Ellen always had a good relationship with her father, but felt she had little in common with her mother. But as Mr. Gulden downright refuses to help in the care giving, Ellen learns what kind of man her father really is. The revelations about her mother’s stay-at-home life are surprising to Ellen as well. Early on, mother and daughter decide to form a book club so that they have something to share, reading Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, and Anna Karenina. This was a lovely idea, and gave so much insight into their relationship and ideas about women.
This story tugged at my heart. That Ellen had to watch her mom deteriorate into an unrecognizable shell of her former self, then to be accused of a mercy killing to put an end to both her mom’s and her own suffering, was very difficult to read about. But regardless, I do plan to read about it all over again someday, something very rare for me. A very rare book.
May 31, 2012
I have been wanting to read this book, but have been reluctant to start it. I feared it would strike too close to home, and bring up many feelings of my mom's illness and death. The book did do so, of course, but in a good way...it was oddly cathartic, reassuring, and comforting. Moving the furniture around to fit the hospital bed in the living room...looking at the house layout and stairs in a whole new way. The line where she says she thinks it would be difficult to bury someone in the beginning of May undid me. The description of working so hard to make that last Christmas 'as it always was' was on the money. In many ways, the book was like someone else truly understood what I had felt. Well done.
**Only after reading other reviews and seeing the other book editions, did I remember that I saw this movie in college. I absolutely cried my eyes out then - walked out of the theater still bawling and sniffling. And yet reading the book today, I never cried. Amazing how you can approach the very same work from such a different place in your life.
**Only after reading other reviews and seeing the other book editions, did I remember that I saw this movie in college. I absolutely cried my eyes out then - walked out of the theater still bawling and sniffling. And yet reading the book today, I never cried. Amazing how you can approach the very same work from such a different place in your life.
July 11, 2012
This is one of my all-time favorite books.
You can read the synopsis for yourself, but in short Ellen Gulden is a Harvard-educated writer living in New York, on the cusp of greatness. Her father is a Lit. Professor and Ellen connects with him, more than her stay-at-home mother, Kate.
Kate is diagnosed with cancer, and with the urging of her father, Ellen leaves the city and moves home to help take care of her mother and the chores. The mind-numbing existence her mother leads quickly takes a toll on Ellen, but soon she sees what her mom does and how she does it with such grace and love, her affection shifts from the intellectual connection she has with her father to understanding her mom. There are other factors/reasons for this as well, but I don't want to post any spoilers.
When reading One True Thing, I find myself connected to both women, Ellen Gulden and her mother, Kate. I relate to both of them. As a young woman, the mere thought of keeping house and washing baby clothes was as repulsive a thought as cleaning a toilet. As a mother, I see the world through Kate's heart, and Ellen's eyes. To be a mother, and know you won't see your child marry, or your son find his place in this world is terrifying. It goes against everything we strive to accomplish.
The balance between these women and the men in their lives hits every button I possess. I read this book often, and each time I'm left in tears, yet wholly comforted in some way. I'm a great fan of Ms. Quindlen and One True Thing is just about as good as it gets.
You can read the synopsis for yourself, but in short Ellen Gulden is a Harvard-educated writer living in New York, on the cusp of greatness. Her father is a Lit. Professor and Ellen connects with him, more than her stay-at-home mother, Kate.
Kate is diagnosed with cancer, and with the urging of her father, Ellen leaves the city and moves home to help take care of her mother and the chores. The mind-numbing existence her mother leads quickly takes a toll on Ellen, but soon she sees what her mom does and how she does it with such grace and love, her affection shifts from the intellectual connection she has with her father to understanding her mom. There are other factors/reasons for this as well, but I don't want to post any spoilers.
When reading One True Thing, I find myself connected to both women, Ellen Gulden and her mother, Kate. I relate to both of them. As a young woman, the mere thought of keeping house and washing baby clothes was as repulsive a thought as cleaning a toilet. As a mother, I see the world through Kate's heart, and Ellen's eyes. To be a mother, and know you won't see your child marry, or your son find his place in this world is terrifying. It goes against everything we strive to accomplish.
The balance between these women and the men in their lives hits every button I possess. I read this book often, and each time I'm left in tears, yet wholly comforted in some way. I'm a great fan of Ms. Quindlen and One True Thing is just about as good as it gets.
August 26, 2014
Cancer Sucks!!
This book hit way too close to home for me on multiple levels. I lost my grandmother 3 years ago to Cancer, and my family moved into her home to help take care of her, eventually bringing in a nurse until we finally had to move her into hospice. I can't imagine going through this with my own parents and having these feelings and emotions illustrated so perfectly raw really took me to a whole new level of gratefulness.
Ellen comes home to take care of her mom (against her will) while her mom starts chemo and the eventual downhill that follows. Ellen gets to know her mom in a way that she never would have, they build the Gulden Girls Book and Cook Club. My heart broke for Kate and Ellen. Their relationship, the tension between husband-wife, and father-daughter felt all too real.
Only a few things really held me back from giving this book a full 5 stars. The ending was a huge letdown from the emotions that drove the rest of the book, I wanted more from Quindlen. The other thing that bothered me was how detached Ellen was emotionally-- just felt a little off.
This quote ripped my heart apart and sums up this book's emotions perfectly, "I'd read them all before. I just wanted a chance to read them again. I wanted a chance to read them with you. "
This book hit way too close to home for me on multiple levels. I lost my grandmother 3 years ago to Cancer, and my family moved into her home to help take care of her, eventually bringing in a nurse until we finally had to move her into hospice. I can't imagine going through this with my own parents and having these feelings and emotions illustrated so perfectly raw really took me to a whole new level of gratefulness.
Ellen comes home to take care of her mom (against her will) while her mom starts chemo and the eventual downhill that follows. Ellen gets to know her mom in a way that she never would have, they build the Gulden Girls Book and Cook Club. My heart broke for Kate and Ellen. Their relationship, the tension between husband-wife, and father-daughter felt all too real.
Only a few things really held me back from giving this book a full 5 stars. The ending was a huge letdown from the emotions that drove the rest of the book, I wanted more from Quindlen. The other thing that bothered me was how detached Ellen was emotionally-- just felt a little off.
This quote ripped my heart apart and sums up this book's emotions perfectly, "I'd read them all before. I just wanted a chance to read them again. I wanted a chance to read them with you. "
October 6, 2023
Oh boy....I don't think I cried so much reading a book, as I did this one. I had to quit reading it in public. I've read a couple of other Quindlen books which I enjoyed but this one took me to a gut-wrenching place that I related to much too much as I am sure other readers did who have done any long-term caregiving of family members with debilitating injuries or illnesses whether it culminated in death or not.
Ellen is a Daddy's girl, and he twists her arm to leave her life in NYC as a writer on the rise, to come back to their small town to care for her mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Ellen has a complicated relationship with her mother (tell me a mother-daughter relationship that wasn't) and is resentful. This novel deals with family dynamics amid a most difficult time in their lives. As the story progresses, I like the mother more and the dad less, yet we all deal with changing circumstances, imminent death and grieving differently; it doesn't make it wrong. What a gift of a character is Teresa Guerrero too! Quindlen also inserts the emotionally laden idea of assisted suicide into the mix. Certainly, a concept that is ripe for book club discussions.
(Ellen) "Right now I'm not much like myself, if you know what I mean." (Teresa) "Suffering transforms". (Ellen) " Suffering sucks" (Teresa) "I agree. With both conclusions, actually."
Ellen is a Daddy's girl, and he twists her arm to leave her life in NYC as a writer on the rise, to come back to their small town to care for her mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Ellen has a complicated relationship with her mother (tell me a mother-daughter relationship that wasn't) and is resentful. This novel deals with family dynamics amid a most difficult time in their lives. As the story progresses, I like the mother more and the dad less, yet we all deal with changing circumstances, imminent death and grieving differently; it doesn't make it wrong. What a gift of a character is Teresa Guerrero too! Quindlen also inserts the emotionally laden idea of assisted suicide into the mix. Certainly, a concept that is ripe for book club discussions.
(Ellen) "Right now I'm not much like myself, if you know what I mean." (Teresa) "Suffering transforms". (Ellen) " Suffering sucks" (Teresa) "I agree. With both conclusions, actually."
April 28, 2024
4.5 stars.
This is a book about family . . . plainly, painfully and honestly written. There are so many truths here about group dynamics and our place within them that I really don’t know where to begin. I was either nodding my head, shaking my head or swiping at tears throughout my journey with Harvard honors graduate and promising NYC journalist Ellen Gulden from the moment she’s arrested at age 24 for the “mercy” murder of her mother to the moment she unexpectedly faces the father she hasn’t spoken with in the eight years since her arrest. And sprinkled before and between these years are also the many-layered truths about women’s vastly ranging and complicated roles as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, friends, lovers, professionals and citizens, both in classical literature and current day.
The novel opens with Ellen speaking in a first person voice from her jail cell in the small town of Langhorne just outside New York City and works its way backward to the moment when Ellen’s father, chair of the English department at the local college, guilts Ellen into dropping everything in her life - her perfect NYC apartment, her friends, her enviable job as editorial assistant at a large New York magazine - to return home indefinitely to care for her mother who has recently been diagnosed with metastatic cancer. And because Ellen has spent most of her young life trying to win her father’s approval and because he accuses her of having no heart, she agrees to move back: “I think that the people I know now believe I went home to take care of my mother because I loved her. And sometimes I believe that was in my heart without my knowing it. But the truth is that I felt I had no choice. I felt I had to be what my father wanted me to be . . . I had to prove that, unlike Pound and Fitzgerald, I had a heart.”
Anyone who has navigated the excruciating suffering and personal upheaval that cancer inflicts on every aspect of life for patient, family and friends, or any one who is a member of any social unit or community will recognize and connect with many of the genuine scenes and lines within these pages. I certainly did, and here is one that particularly resonated with me:
“. . . how much of family life is a vast web of misunderstandings; a tinted and touched-up family portrait, an accurate representation of fact that leaves out only the essential truth.”
Considered semi-autobiographical, since Quindlen’s own mother died in her 40’s from ovarian cancer when Anna was 19, this is Quindlen’s second novel and becomes my favorite of the four books I’ve read by her so far. Recommended to all.
This is a book about family . . . plainly, painfully and honestly written. There are so many truths here about group dynamics and our place within them that I really don’t know where to begin. I was either nodding my head, shaking my head or swiping at tears throughout my journey with Harvard honors graduate and promising NYC journalist Ellen Gulden from the moment she’s arrested at age 24 for the “mercy” murder of her mother to the moment she unexpectedly faces the father she hasn’t spoken with in the eight years since her arrest. And sprinkled before and between these years are also the many-layered truths about women’s vastly ranging and complicated roles as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, friends, lovers, professionals and citizens, both in classical literature and current day.
The novel opens with Ellen speaking in a first person voice from her jail cell in the small town of Langhorne just outside New York City and works its way backward to the moment when Ellen’s father, chair of the English department at the local college, guilts Ellen into dropping everything in her life - her perfect NYC apartment, her friends, her enviable job as editorial assistant at a large New York magazine - to return home indefinitely to care for her mother who has recently been diagnosed with metastatic cancer. And because Ellen has spent most of her young life trying to win her father’s approval and because he accuses her of having no heart, she agrees to move back: “I think that the people I know now believe I went home to take care of my mother because I loved her. And sometimes I believe that was in my heart without my knowing it. But the truth is that I felt I had no choice. I felt I had to be what my father wanted me to be . . . I had to prove that, unlike Pound and Fitzgerald, I had a heart.”
Anyone who has navigated the excruciating suffering and personal upheaval that cancer inflicts on every aspect of life for patient, family and friends, or any one who is a member of any social unit or community will recognize and connect with many of the genuine scenes and lines within these pages. I certainly did, and here is one that particularly resonated with me:
“. . . how much of family life is a vast web of misunderstandings; a tinted and touched-up family portrait, an accurate representation of fact that leaves out only the essential truth.”
Considered semi-autobiographical, since Quindlen’s own mother died in her 40’s from ovarian cancer when Anna was 19, this is Quindlen’s second novel and becomes my favorite of the four books I’ve read by her so far. Recommended to all.
May 16, 2016
One True Thing by Anna Quindlen
This book is one of my favorite books by Anna Quindlen. Many years ago I read Black and Blue by this same author and it was frighteningly realistic about what it feels like to have to change your name, live in hiding, constantly on hyper alert. Because restraining orders don't save lives, when they are not taken seriously, by habitual abusers. Black and Blue, if I remember correctly, was more plot driven than One True Thing. Both are written earlier in Quindlen's writing career, but very different books.
One True Thing is more of a study in character. It starts out with a revelation in a short type of prologue. This novel does essentially at the heart of it, ask the questions of how well do we know our family and how well do we know ourselves. Over the course of reading this book my opinions about the main character Ellen Gulden changes. I formed an opinion about the type of person she was, but by the end of the book my opinion about her changed dramatically.
This book came highly recommended to me by my good friend, Elyse. She was right about this book being wonderful. It was also Elyse's favorite books by Anna Quindlen. I am glad I read this book, if only, because I learned, that we might think we know a person, but there are often many things, that change our perceptions of a person, when we don't know as much as we think we know.
I hope I remember that important lesson.
I have not mentioned what this story is specifically about. That is because I don't want to give anything away. We read the blurb on dust jackets when we are in a bookstore because we want to decide if the book is going to interest us. More recently, I have noticed that these blurbs on the dust jacket summarize what the book is about. Sometimes these dust jackets give us too much information. I went into this story totally blind and came out after reading it with a much richer, rewarding reading experience.
Not knowing much about a book is fast becoming my favorite type of reading. I appreciate the book more. Learn about the characters. Anna Quindlen's, One True Thing, the reader has got to keep in mind, while reading it, that it was published in 1994. Many things have changed such as technological advances since 1994. Even the way a novel is written has changed. This is a story that by the end, everybody can relate too. It is a story about the relationship's we build with our families. One of the character's has cancer, in its advanced stage. It is about the stories we tell ourselves, which are not always reliable. This is a book for everybody. Highly recommended to have patience with the pacing of the narrative, at the beginning of this novel, as it's rich, descriptive style is essential to understanding the outcome of this remarkable book. Five Stars.
This book is one of my favorite books by Anna Quindlen. Many years ago I read Black and Blue by this same author and it was frighteningly realistic about what it feels like to have to change your name, live in hiding, constantly on hyper alert. Because restraining orders don't save lives, when they are not taken seriously, by habitual abusers. Black and Blue, if I remember correctly, was more plot driven than One True Thing. Both are written earlier in Quindlen's writing career, but very different books.
One True Thing is more of a study in character. It starts out with a revelation in a short type of prologue. This novel does essentially at the heart of it, ask the questions of how well do we know our family and how well do we know ourselves. Over the course of reading this book my opinions about the main character Ellen Gulden changes. I formed an opinion about the type of person she was, but by the end of the book my opinion about her changed dramatically.
This book came highly recommended to me by my good friend, Elyse. She was right about this book being wonderful. It was also Elyse's favorite books by Anna Quindlen. I am glad I read this book, if only, because I learned, that we might think we know a person, but there are often many things, that change our perceptions of a person, when we don't know as much as we think we know.
I hope I remember that important lesson.
I have not mentioned what this story is specifically about. That is because I don't want to give anything away. We read the blurb on dust jackets when we are in a bookstore because we want to decide if the book is going to interest us. More recently, I have noticed that these blurbs on the dust jacket summarize what the book is about. Sometimes these dust jackets give us too much information. I went into this story totally blind and came out after reading it with a much richer, rewarding reading experience.
Not knowing much about a book is fast becoming my favorite type of reading. I appreciate the book more. Learn about the characters. Anna Quindlen's, One True Thing, the reader has got to keep in mind, while reading it, that it was published in 1994. Many things have changed such as technological advances since 1994. Even the way a novel is written has changed. This is a story that by the end, everybody can relate too. It is a story about the relationship's we build with our families. One of the character's has cancer, in its advanced stage. It is about the stories we tell ourselves, which are not always reliable. This is a book for everybody. Highly recommended to have patience with the pacing of the narrative, at the beginning of this novel, as it's rich, descriptive style is essential to understanding the outcome of this remarkable book. Five Stars.
February 22, 2008
This is one of those books that haunts you long after you read it. It is about the relationships between an adult daughter, her dying mother and the father she adores. The daughter puts her career on hold to return home, as her father demands, to care for her mother. I read it a year or so after caring for my own dying mother, and several passages were so perfectly descriptive of the emotionally charged experience that I was moved to tears. Quindlen writes as though from experience, though her own mother died suddenly when she was a young adult. The book is beautifully done, and one of my favorites of all time. Very highly recommended.
March 17, 2008
I read this book shortly after my own Mom died, so it was especially painful. I loved the book and cook club and how the daughter finally was able to establish an adult relationship with a woman she had totally misjudged. The book explores being pulled painfully out of our childhood misconceptions about who our family members are. The daughter gained a mother just to lose her, and lost a father after being forced to see him exposed to the harsh light of reality rather than through childish adoration. It's a book worth reading again.
September 11, 2007
There are some authors I'm interested in reading, but instead of reading a variety of their books, I end up rereading the same book repeatedly. One True Thing is one of those books for me. I keep thinking I'm going to read Black and Blue or Object Lessons, but read this instead. Maybe I should add a bookshelf called "books I'm tired of re-reading".
To me, the best parts of the book are her descriptions. She paints very vivid word pictures. Once or twice during my most recent reading I was so taken with the description that I lost interest in the plot; I just wanted to focus for a moment on the wordcraft.
The storytelling is okay (good enough to be made into a movie), but it's Quindlen's wordcraft that makes this book for me.
To me, the best parts of the book are her descriptions. She paints very vivid word pictures. Once or twice during my most recent reading I was so taken with the description that I lost interest in the plot; I just wanted to focus for a moment on the wordcraft.
The storytelling is okay (good enough to be made into a movie), but it's Quindlen's wordcraft that makes this book for me.
October 2, 2018
I got this novel because the girl I was into at that time, was into this book, but I just couldn't get into it.
It was OK. OKish. Maybe it's great, or maybe it's below average.
I don't know. I was too irritated, even then with the company it kept, with whom it associated so freely, to enjoy it really, to truly enjoy it.
Quindlen's Black and Blue is actually pretty good, read that one.
That one I did enjoy and even liked. It is still relevant in this climate.
But don't fall for a good woman, you'll end up disliking a perfectly good novel as a result of your failure and shortcomings, of not letting her in, of not letting her way way in.
August 19, 2016
5 stars because Quindlen is a wordsmith. This is about a daughter who gives up brilliant career to care for her dying mother, only to be accused of her death. It is a thought and emotion provoking story with a great twist at the end. There is a time, hopefully, in all daughter's lives when they begin to see their mother as a real person. As the protagonist discovers more about who her mother is, she discovers more about herself. Quindlen explores what we think we know about ourselves and those closest to us.
I feel the same as goodreads reviewer, ☮Karen, who said, "I just love Anna Quindlen. She understands life, she understands death, grieving, and our complex human emotions. And her writing is perfection; beautiful enough to bring me to tears. Quindlen had me contemplating how I view my own family stories. Are our relationships really how we imagine them, or just a 'vast web of misunderstandings, a tinted and touched up family portrait, an accurate representation of fact that leaves out only the essential truth'?”
Quotes:
“I wondered why I hadn't loved that day more, why I hadn't savored every bit of it...why I hadn't known how good it was to live so normally, so everyday. But you only know that, I suppose, after it's not normal and every day any longer.”
“All of life like a series of tableaux, and in the living we missed so much, hid so much, left so much undone and unsaid.”
“For so long I'd thought about myself as a girl who'd walked away from her mother's life that it would be a long time before I would start to think about the other part of the bargain, how easily she'd let me go.”
and my FAVORITE quote:
“You make concessions when you're married a long time that you don't believe you'll ever make when you're beginning. You say to yourself when you're young, oh, I wouldn't tolerate this or that or the other thing, . . . But time goes by and you've slept together a thousand nights and smelled like spit-up when babies are sick and seen your body droop and get soft. And some nights you say to yourself, it's not enough, I won't put up with another minute. And then the next morning you wake up and the kitchen smells like coffee and the children have their hair all brushed and the birds are eating out of the feeder and you look at your husband and he's not the person you used to think he was but he's your life. The house and the children and so much more of what you do is built around him and your life, too, your history. If you take him out it's like cutting his face out of all the pictures, there's a big hole and it's ugly. It would ruin everything. It's more than love, it's more important than love...
It's hard. And it's hard to understand unless you're in it. . . You can be hard, and you can be judgmental, and with those two things alone you can make a mess of your life the likes of which you won't believe. It's so much easier...the being happy. It's so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you're missing, or what you imagine you're missing. It's so much more peaceful.”
Warning: movie with Meryl Streep is very good, but does not do the book justice. Don't delay reading this because you saw the movie already.
I feel the same as goodreads reviewer, ☮Karen, who said, "I just love Anna Quindlen. She understands life, she understands death, grieving, and our complex human emotions. And her writing is perfection; beautiful enough to bring me to tears. Quindlen had me contemplating how I view my own family stories. Are our relationships really how we imagine them, or just a 'vast web of misunderstandings, a tinted and touched up family portrait, an accurate representation of fact that leaves out only the essential truth'?”
Quotes:
“I wondered why I hadn't loved that day more, why I hadn't savored every bit of it...why I hadn't known how good it was to live so normally, so everyday. But you only know that, I suppose, after it's not normal and every day any longer.”
“All of life like a series of tableaux, and in the living we missed so much, hid so much, left so much undone and unsaid.”
“For so long I'd thought about myself as a girl who'd walked away from her mother's life that it would be a long time before I would start to think about the other part of the bargain, how easily she'd let me go.”
and my FAVORITE quote:
“You make concessions when you're married a long time that you don't believe you'll ever make when you're beginning. You say to yourself when you're young, oh, I wouldn't tolerate this or that or the other thing, . . . But time goes by and you've slept together a thousand nights and smelled like spit-up when babies are sick and seen your body droop and get soft. And some nights you say to yourself, it's not enough, I won't put up with another minute. And then the next morning you wake up and the kitchen smells like coffee and the children have their hair all brushed and the birds are eating out of the feeder and you look at your husband and he's not the person you used to think he was but he's your life. The house and the children and so much more of what you do is built around him and your life, too, your history. If you take him out it's like cutting his face out of all the pictures, there's a big hole and it's ugly. It would ruin everything. It's more than love, it's more important than love...
It's hard. And it's hard to understand unless you're in it. . . You can be hard, and you can be judgmental, and with those two things alone you can make a mess of your life the likes of which you won't believe. It's so much easier...the being happy. It's so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you're missing, or what you imagine you're missing. It's so much more peaceful.”
Warning: movie with Meryl Streep is very good, but does not do the book justice. Don't delay reading this because you saw the movie already.
November 24, 2025
4 Stars
June 27, 2013
Not my favorite book. Probably should have read it in the month of Feb instead of smack in the middle of the summer when you want light happily ever after. I loathed the father, all the choices he made and the fact that the family compromised for him every time. My biggest issue was the fact that it was assumed that the only caregiver possible was the daughter only because she was a girl. Neither of the sons even asked if they could help with the care. She had to move, quit her job and totally change her life while every one else in the family went about their lives. Granted she ended up forging a relationship with her mother before she died and getting ride of a bit of her total selfishness which made it worth all the sacrifice in the end. I think the main reason why I didn't like this book is because I didn't like the characters. They made such bad choices all based on their selfishness. But I also feel obligated to say that it was well written. The fact that someone finally said out loud that they didn't like Elizabeth Bennett and the reasons for their dislike might be enough to recommend this book. Made me look at EB a little differently and in a new light and I have to admit that I agreed with the argument, oh my!!!
February 23, 2008
I really like Anna Quindlen. I think she writes very real, ordinary books that show a hidden, beautiful side of human nature. An especially poignant story about mother-daughter relationships.
September 17, 2015
Once upon a time, there was a woman who lost her mother then her sister to cancer, within two years of each other. She mourned and missed them but time went by and she healed. Then 14 years later, she read this book and some things she had forgotten came back to her. Hard.
Anna Quindlen did a remarkable job of describing the losses that come with cancer’s inexorable march—losses that do not include the death of the loved one with the cancer. The loss of ability, of dignity, of a way of life, of the endless possible futures that once lay before the people affected. This book brought it all back to me. I may have thought I put all that behind me, but the grief is always there, buried, lurking, waiting to come out and pull the rug out from under me. But it’s OK. I am still processing all that happened back then. But this is more than a story of cancer—it is a story of relationships, of how tricky they are, and of how unknowable people outside your own skin are. We see our loved ones in one way, and it’s very hard to change that unless something pretty spectacular or devastating happens. As it did with Ellen. As an adult with children, it makes me question what my children see when they see me, and if they really see me at all.
While this was very hard to read, it was also wonderful to read—well-crafted, well-developed, well-described. A book that makes you feel deeply and one that makes you think deeply as well.
Anna Quindlen did a remarkable job of describing the losses that come with cancer’s inexorable march—losses that do not include the death of the loved one with the cancer. The loss of ability, of dignity, of a way of life, of the endless possible futures that once lay before the people affected. This book brought it all back to me. I may have thought I put all that behind me, but the grief is always there, buried, lurking, waiting to come out and pull the rug out from under me. But it’s OK. I am still processing all that happened back then. But this is more than a story of cancer—it is a story of relationships, of how tricky they are, and of how unknowable people outside your own skin are. We see our loved ones in one way, and it’s very hard to change that unless something pretty spectacular or devastating happens. As it did with Ellen. As an adult with children, it makes me question what my children see when they see me, and if they really see me at all.
While this was very hard to read, it was also wonderful to read—well-crafted, well-developed, well-described. A book that makes you feel deeply and one that makes you think deeply as well.
December 18, 2008
I'm often distrustful when critics call a novel remarkable, but in this case they are right. Funny thing was that when this was made into a movie, and I heard Meryl Streep was in it, I thought she was all wrong for the part-- because I envisioned her as the daughter (ie ,i>my age) not as the mother, who should have been my mom's age. I laughed when I learned she played the mom, because of course, that was good casting. :)
March 29, 2008
Bah. Anna Quindlen's prose makes plucking out eyelashes seem like a reasonably fun way to spend an afternoon.
July 22, 2010
This is the best, the most carefully written, of all Quindlen's books I've read so far.
February 14, 2017
One True Thing by Anna Quindlen was a gently meandering character driven novel shining the light upon family dealing with a terminal illness. It was moving, beautifully written, and a delight to read.
Early on I couldn't relate to Ellen the novels protagonist. She struck me as hard hearted, self centred and lacking in emotion. I couldn't understand her reluctance toward coming home to care for her mother during the last months of her life. During the months spent caring for her mother Ellen developed a whole new understanding about the person her mother was. She discovered previously unrecognised depths, a new level of respect and greater love for her mother than she'd ever felt before. Whilst gradually becoming less judgemental of her mother, Ellen began understanding more about herself and became more aware of the dynamics of her relationship with her father. Over time Anna Quindlen's skillful writing changed my attitude towards Ellen. In what felt like a genuine and honest manner she allowed Ellens hard edges to soft, reduced her cynicism and allowed her humanity to break through.
Once again Anna Quindlen has delivered. Probably not my favourite of her titles but for me this was a 3.5 star read rounded up.
Early on I couldn't relate to Ellen the novels protagonist. She struck me as hard hearted, self centred and lacking in emotion. I couldn't understand her reluctance toward coming home to care for her mother during the last months of her life. During the months spent caring for her mother Ellen developed a whole new understanding about the person her mother was. She discovered previously unrecognised depths, a new level of respect and greater love for her mother than she'd ever felt before. Whilst gradually becoming less judgemental of her mother, Ellen began understanding more about herself and became more aware of the dynamics of her relationship with her father. Over time Anna Quindlen's skillful writing changed my attitude towards Ellen. In what felt like a genuine and honest manner she allowed Ellens hard edges to soft, reduced her cynicism and allowed her humanity to break through.
Once again Anna Quindlen has delivered. Probably not my favourite of her titles but for me this was a 3.5 star read rounded up.
September 7, 2007
The plot line is simple: a young woman (Ellen Gulden) starting her career in New York City is called back home, to the small college town in which she grew up, to be a caretaker while her mother (Kate Gulden) is dying of cancer. Ellen had never been close to her mother, but had sought her father's approval and emulated him in some regards; her father pressures her into caretaking her mother. As one would expect, tensions arise as a result of these familial relationships. The plot twist is that when it is discovered that Kate died of an overdose of morphine, Ellen is accused of the murder. Even without the twist, this could have been an extremely moving, insightful novel, a deep exploration of the personal and familial growth that can occur in difficult circumstances. To me, however, the characters in this novel read as one-dimensional, as stick figures emotionally speaking. Sure, the character Ellen changes and develops, but there is no complexity there, nor in any of the other characters. Usually I don't care whether fictional characters are likable, whether I can identify with them or not, but given the thinness of the characterization of Ellen, I found myself wanting to like a character. But all of the rest are so poorly developed, so marginal -- even Kate, whom we never come to know before she was diminished by her illness, not even through Ellen's memories as Ellen never saw her mother as a full person -- that there just isn't enough there to even like.
My honey Alicia went through an experience similar to Ellen's, in that as a young adult she put her life on hold to care for her dying mother even though their relationship had been less than Hallmark Card perfect, and even she found this novel insipid.
I only finished this book because I was sick and there weren't any other memoirs or novels I hadn't already read in the house.
My honey Alicia went through an experience similar to Ellen's, in that as a young adult she put her life on hold to care for her dying mother even though their relationship had been less than Hallmark Card perfect, and even she found this novel insipid.
I only finished this book because I was sick and there weren't any other memoirs or novels I hadn't already read in the house.
May 21, 2014
This was a bit of a slow start for me, and I felt the epilogue was a bit long and drawn-out, but it really picked up about half-way through, and part of the epilogue was great.
The book reminded me a little bit of The End of Your Life Book Club, although that was non-fiction and this is a work of fiction. But a young woman returns to the family home to take care of her mother as she undergoes cancer treatments and, in order to give her an "in" to her daughter's thoughts (they hadn't been very close prior to this period), the mother suggests they form a book club and they talk about Anna Karenina and Pride and Prejudice. However, unlike The End of Your Life Book Club, this book does involve more than books, also showing the passing of the baton of domestic knowledge from the mum (who was the queen of home-makers) to the daughter (who has limited housekeeping skills until now), and the growing awareness of various issues between family members and within individuals.
Some of the chapters are harrowing, especially if you are or have been in the position of caring for a loved one as their illness progresses and you watch them deteriorate. I'm going to add another Anna Quindlen to my TBR list right now (counter-productive, I know) - I just need to decide which one!
The book reminded me a little bit of The End of Your Life Book Club, although that was non-fiction and this is a work of fiction. But a young woman returns to the family home to take care of her mother as she undergoes cancer treatments and, in order to give her an "in" to her daughter's thoughts (they hadn't been very close prior to this period), the mother suggests they form a book club and they talk about Anna Karenina and Pride and Prejudice. However, unlike The End of Your Life Book Club, this book does involve more than books, also showing the passing of the baton of domestic knowledge from the mum (who was the queen of home-makers) to the daughter (who has limited housekeeping skills until now), and the growing awareness of various issues between family members and within individuals.
Some of the chapters are harrowing, especially if you are or have been in the position of caring for a loved one as their illness progresses and you watch them deteriorate. I'm going to add another Anna Quindlen to my TBR list right now (counter-productive, I know) - I just need to decide which one!
January 28, 2014
When Ellen Gulden must quit her job and return home to care for her dying mother, Ellen is resentful. Guilt is a close companion to that resentment, but as she and her mother connect during the weeks Ellen comes to know the woman who reared her as someone much more than the clever homemaker and civic minded individual of her childhood. She also comes to see her father and herself from a whole different perspective.
One True Thing is a powerful story about family, about life, about death; it leaves you knowing just how complex our connections to each other really are, and you won't find out the true irony until the end.
One True Thing is a powerful story about family, about life, about death; it leaves you knowing just how complex our connections to each other really are, and you won't find out the true irony until the end.
September 13, 2013
This novel read like a memoir: One True Thing = many true things. I had to stop reading and take breaks, because it was so intimately sad (and I have not had or nursed someone with cancer). The ending felt like it was written by a different author - didn't ring true, somewhat contrived - but it is easy to forgive.
September 12, 2012
I am loving this book, as I have the other Qundlen books I've read recently. And now I'm back on goodreads--I've been MIA while dealing with hospital, convalescent hospital, and now assisted living.
March 10, 2017
I really loved this. The characters, the family dynamics, and yes that moral dilemma.
April 26, 2014
Ellen Gulden is a 23-year-old up-and-coming magazine writer living in New York City, when her mother is diagnosed with terminal cancer. On a visit home her father tells her that she simply must leave her job and return to help her mother. Kate has always been the quintessential homemaker – excelling at cooking, decorating, sewing, stenciling, needlepoint – every craft and skill to make her house a loving and welcoming home. Ellen has been more like her father – driven and ambitious, given to literary analysis and harsh judgment – but as she spends times with her mother and begins to recognize the hard work and dedication required to be the homemaker Kate is, Ellen arrives at some different conclusions about who she is, who her parents are, and their relationships to one another.
This is a thought-provoking read for several reasons. On the surface it deals with death and dying and the way in which our society treats the terminally ill. When the book opens, Ellen is in jail, accused of the mercy killing of her mother. So the reader immediately knows what the pivotal event will be. Ellen then begins to recall the previous months.
The book then begins to deals with the complicated relationships between adult children and their parents. Ellen is a young woman who has always sought her father’s approval, and diminished the contributions of her mother. Living with them again as an adult, in a difficult and trying situation, she slowly awakens to the truth about herself, her parents and siblings. She develops a much closer relationship with her mother, even though she still resents having to be her caregiver. At the end I always did what she asked, even though I hated it … I tried to do it all without screaming, without shouting, “I am dying with you.”
Ellen comes to recognize the value of true friendship, and how she has held people at bay (and why). She learns that she must forgive – her father, her mother, the townspeople, and, most importantly, herself.
I found this a very compelling read. I was interested and engaged from beginning to end. That being said, there are some scenes which are difficult to read, because Quindlen is brutally honest about what it means to be a caregiver to a terminally ill loved one. Several scenes reminded me of my own efforts to help my mother when she was still at home; her Alzheimer’s having progressed to where she needed constant attention to ensure her safety. Kate’s behavior mirrored my own mother’s resistance to being helped – because she did NOT want to be thought helpless. She had always been the caregiver, she did not want to be the one being cared for.
This is a thought-provoking read for several reasons. On the surface it deals with death and dying and the way in which our society treats the terminally ill. When the book opens, Ellen is in jail, accused of the mercy killing of her mother. So the reader immediately knows what the pivotal event will be. Ellen then begins to recall the previous months.
The book then begins to deals with the complicated relationships between adult children and their parents. Ellen is a young woman who has always sought her father’s approval, and diminished the contributions of her mother. Living with them again as an adult, in a difficult and trying situation, she slowly awakens to the truth about herself, her parents and siblings. She develops a much closer relationship with her mother, even though she still resents having to be her caregiver. At the end I always did what she asked, even though I hated it … I tried to do it all without screaming, without shouting, “I am dying with you.”
Ellen comes to recognize the value of true friendship, and how she has held people at bay (and why). She learns that she must forgive – her father, her mother, the townspeople, and, most importantly, herself.
I found this a very compelling read. I was interested and engaged from beginning to end. That being said, there are some scenes which are difficult to read, because Quindlen is brutally honest about what it means to be a caregiver to a terminally ill loved one. Several scenes reminded me of my own efforts to help my mother when she was still at home; her Alzheimer’s having progressed to where she needed constant attention to ensure her safety. Kate’s behavior mirrored my own mother’s resistance to being helped – because she did NOT want to be thought helpless. She had always been the caregiver, she did not want to be the one being cared for.
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