The Art of Marriage: A Guide to Living Life as Two

by Catherine Blyth

Read Catherine Blyth's blogs and other content on the Penguin Community.

A witty, thought-provoking celebration of why marriage still matters-and how to make yours work-from the author of The Art of Conversation .

Today we no longer get married for the reasons our grandparents because our families say so, because we must marry to leave home, to have sex, to have financial security. So in this modern age, why marry at all? The Art of Marriage seeks to answer this question, in an enchanting guided tour of the three-legged race that is married life.

With anecdotes from history, the latest research, and insights about couples who stayed the course, Blyth offers entertaining advice on how to enjoy a successful marriage and answers vital questions such as can housework improve sex life? Why should husbands argue? And why must wives relax?

In the age of "Bridezillas" and over-the-top destination weddings, it is all too easy to lose sight of the greater meaning of saying "I do." A wedding is not an end-it's not about the race for the ring, or planning a blow-out event-it's the beginning of a journey, full of questions and mystery, and different for each couple. As Catherine Blyth so eloquently puts it, "Each story has at least two sides. Reconciling them is the art of marriage."

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Marriage, Romance, Relationships

288 pages, Hardcover

First published June 10, 2010

Reviews

[Sid · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book serves as a manual for a happy marriage filled with many historic accounts that show examples of how the past can shape our future. In a marriage, embrace each others differences, for it is our differences that make us adept at handling many situations. Build common goals and work towards reaching them. We all know how life ends, but how it is written is unpredictable, making life and marriage all the more interesting.

I recommend this book to anyone:
a. looking to get married or recently married
b. not married but in a relationship
c. been married for many years

"Unlike our parents, or our children, we get to choose our spouse. In so doing, we stake a claim that in this person we have found somebody to complete our world. To make this wish come true, we must compromise to uphold the greater interests of our marriage. In return, we change our lives, seize our destiny, and are elevated into less selfish people, strengthened by our connection with this person who elected to complete their world with us."

[Madison · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was more tongue and cheek or sarcastic than I was expecting. I think it would have been okay except that the author peppered every few sentences with quotations from historical figures, song lyrics, celebrities and other sources. That in itself was annoying, but then she didn't explain the significance of the quote at all and sometimes it didn't make sense. If my college English teacher had been reading this she would have said there wasn't enough "so what" to support the quotes. Also, the author is British and some of what I assume must have been cultural references were lost on me.

[Kimberlee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book from a first reads giveaway. Although the author made some good points, I disagree with a lot of her philosophies. For example, chapter 7 in entitled, "The Wisdom of Adultery" with a section that is called "How to have a good affair." The first line in that section says, "An affair can conceivably help a marriage.", although her personal view is "don't do it". What? Need I say more?

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this advanced copy! it is gives good and humorous advice on a vast array of marriage related topics.
Thank you goodreads!

[Sandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got bored and have up.

[Greg Talbot · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everyything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs.
I've plays baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean.
What is there left for me but marriage"
- "The Lady Vanishes", Hitchcock (1938).

The mystery of love is unparalleled, and leads on fantastic adventure. The mystery of marriage - just as strange, but maybe more full of contradiction, uncertainty and ultimately head-scratching. Solid book about where the vows of marriage lead after a small loan is taken out to pay for the party.

Marriage redefinition may be visible with gay marriage, or polyamorous relations, or the loosening grip of religious tradition on the ceremony. But marriage remains steadfast as a vehicle as the ground for family rearing and the apogee of adulthood for most of us. How something so challenging and romantic survives...and in many ways empowered by a tech. generation rescinding from intimacy is no small feat. Perhaps a reminder that marriage is a buffer from loneliness and a significance maker beyond our individual lives.

Solid read. Without illusions. Toward a more perfect union and more happy slaves of all of us who put the chains on.

[Sydnee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picked this book up to understand my proclivity towards marriage. I love it. I took it as a more grounded Ethical Slut ( I dis-enjoyed being called a slut just because I wanted information on polyamory).
One look at the title and you think you know what the book is all about but, my friends and I were mistaken! Her book answers the why, when, who, how and what of marriage employing historical facts, anecdotes with sharp, delicious style. Her book guided me on my true feelings on matrimony and, sobered up the topic in my romantic heart!
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to explore their ideas of relationships.

[Nessa Wesley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected a serious take on marriage but found a collection of humorous stories about the quirks of marriage, often featuring celebrities or famous figures. While these anecdotes were entertaining, the book lacked the educational, advice-driven content I was hoping for. There were a few helpful tips here and there, but they didn’t outweigh the lighthearted, joke-filled tone. It’s an enjoyable read for those looking for laughs, but not ideal for anyone seeking solid marital advice. Overall, it didn’t meet my expectations, so I’m giving it 3 stars.

[Marsturgeon · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful read!

Catherine's ability to provide marital and relational wisdom from such varied sources from the Pope to famous celebrities to many in the "industry" was phenomenal.

Admitedly, after scanning through the table of contents my curiosity (and affront) took me straight to "The Wisdom of Adultery?" I was ready to toss the book into the trash after reading that title alone. However, as a First Read it was my duty to read the book. Catherine did a great job addressing that topic that harms so many marriages. Though entering the chapter as a hostile reader, she won me over. The rest of the book was as good.

Catherine did not avoid any of the toughest issues. Sex, infedelity and even money. Thinking each chapter could be its own book....

The ONLY critic is the shaded areas of the book. Generally, when I come across set-aside text, such as shaded or blocked in the margin etc, the text is a pithy quote or synopsis. Catherine's set-aside shaded text went on for pages sometimes. It was difficult for me to understand the import or purpose of such lengthy set-asides.

However, that one visual negative hardly took away from the import conveyed in the text throughout the book. Great and healthy resource

[Elizabeth M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Blyth writes in a way that is soothing, yet challenging and full of wicked fun as she delves into quite literally the A-Zs of marriage. This book is enjoyable and full of smart tips on how to get along with your spouse, their family (be gracious and remember that they knew him/her first so that is to be respected and can prove an area of curiousity) and what happens when you add kids, work, etc into this besotted mix. Lots of good thoughts on balance -allowing each other space but also making sure that there is time together-, how to argue "well" (i.e fair) and how to stay connected (get out those love letters or better yet, write one now!). Blindly skipping of any scary real issues (addiction, alcoholism, domestic violence) makes for a relatively fun read. She does touch on infidelity but in a harmless, almost carefree way which ends up feeling a little glossed over. Nevertheless this is a fun read and perfect for anyone considering taking this next big step in their relationship.

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

Started this book with high hopes for it. I had seen a lot of positive reviews about but unfortunately I only made it to chapter 3, barely. I tried and tried to like this book but I couldn't. Some of the material was confusing and some of it I just plain didn't agree with. With chapters with titles like "How to be a happy slave," I was none too impressed. Many of the references I didn't get and the anecdotes throughout the book didn't seem to fit right.

Ultimately I got bored and confused, so I quit reading it. There are so many other wonderful books out there on the subject, I wasn't going to waste my time on this one!

[Kate Ditzler · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find this book to be less self-help than an older fashioned meditation on the many facets of a particular subject, in this case, marriage. I found myself nodding along in a lot of places, as the author verbalized the thoughts on committed partnership that I myself had no words for.

It prompted discussion with my husband as I read passages aloud, and I marked many passages to turn into blog posts (meditating on subjects myself). A good thought provoking read.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book had far too many quotes and their usage was random. They were quoting people from different time periods and splashing it all together and trying to use it to make a point. And, although it tried to give you an even perspective on marriage vs divorce, I thought it kind of had a negative outlook.

I feel like the first half had a lot more information that was helpful for a couple planning a marriage.

[Ashley Greene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catherine Blyth has a way with words and away we go on a journey of self-discovery times two. She takes readers along for a very raw ride on the subject of marriage -- raising a few eyebrows, sparking on a few light bulbs as well as a tear or two along the way. Every time I put down this book I can't wait to pick it up again. A must read for anyone contemplating marriage, hopeful for it, detesting the concept of it, curious about it, or already engaged into a happy or a sad one.

[Shelie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was a mix of practical advice, historical facts and quotes, humor and anecdotes of both recent and historical vintage. It may at times challenge your idea of what constitutes a "good marriage" but provides enough evidence to let the reader know that what is good in marriage is subjective. A worthwhile read.

[Jamison · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting book. it's the kind you can browse through quickly, and get what you need out of, without actually missing anything. there are a lot of good stories of historical couples . .some not that well known. (i'm looking up the story of paul dirac, and manci wigner, myself.)

i can see where this book may help some people, but it was nothing more than a flip-through for me.

[Liisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very discursive and I can see it frustrating someone who was looking for straight forward advice. However, I enjoyed it's meandering nature. I liked reading the historical and more contemporary anecdotes and found the book as a whole informative, humorous and fun. For someone interested in marriage both as an institution and as a everyday reality I think it's well worth a read.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I set the book aside about half way through. As a newlywed looking for some hints at how to build a strong marriage and keep things in perspective, her sarcasm was rather unsettling. The historical notes were interesting but not much help. If I was looking for material to research for a sociology class, this book would be helpful. It's not what I was looking for though.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't think this book does much for a self help angle. Like other reviewers have posted, it's a lot of common sense stuff. I do love the history the author puts into the book. She shows how marriage has changed yet stayed the same over the centuries.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this paperback from the Goodreads.com First Reads giveaway. It is very well researched, informative, and thought provoking. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning more about the history of marriage and relationships.

[nightlyreadingheather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book from Goodreads! The book gives a little background on the custom of marriage and advice on a variety of situations that can occur during marriage. Thanks goodreads!

[Paige · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book in a Good Reads giveaway. Excellent information for deepening relationships here. A fast, fun read.

[Donna D'Angelo Struck · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit dry and clinical for my tastes, but seemed to contain useful information if one has the patience to trudge though.

[Anuradha Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am skimming through this book - lots of interesting little points to ponder.

[Mridula · Rating 1 out of 5]

It was meh!

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mixed-bag for me, but many clever & refreshing ideas & a great, readable format. Love the concept of this book.

[Prom · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just "meh" for me. It was funny enough in some parts. A little too accepting of certain practices in others. It was okay.

[Brandon · Rating 5 out of 5]

a beautifully well-thought-out write that is fun to read and easy to follow with perpetual nods from a reader like myself

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on marriage, its history and practical problems that married people encounter. Fun and thought-provoking, even controversial at times; no wonder, so many people dislike it.