Losing Your Parents, Finding Yourself: The Defining Turning Point of Adult Life

by Victoria Secunda

When we lose a parent in our adulthood, we are expected to take it in stride, relatively unchanged by the experience. But to lose one's parents in adulthood is to find oneself at a crossroads that has a profound effect on one's life, relationships, & choices. Indeed, it is the defining turning point of adult life after which nothing is ever the same. This book examines what happens to grown men & women when they are on their own in ways they have never been before, such How are one's attachments to others altered by the experience? How does one's behavior & decision-making change? How does the loss of a parent affect feelings among siblings? What does it mean to be existentially ''alone'' -- at the top of the generational ladder?

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Grief, Nonfiction

312 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 2000

Reviews

[Denis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't share the author's experience of finding it liberating when my parent died. Ms. Secunda's experience of realizing when her parent passed, that the author had been unaware that she felt stifled in some ways by her parent. So she was able to blossom upon her parents' passing.

I'm sure I'm oversimplifying, but my point is that unless you have a similar relationship with your deceased parent (feel held back by your overbearing parent), this book won't be helpful to you.

I don't mean to criticize or in any way pass judgement, but just like all of us who have lost a parent, I am searching for answers and I didn't find them here.

[Joseph DeBolt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very valuable book in an under-researched area of study: adult orphans. Based on interview data, Secunda lays out the possible changes in a person's life when a parent passes away: between that person and the surviving parent, the siblings and the spouse. It can define what you have experienced and presage what you may.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful and insightful.

[Chrissy DeVore · Rating 3 out of 5]

No doubt very well-researched but perhaps too soon in my loss journey to be of much help to me

[Amy Kimball · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of interesting things to think about in this book. The interreliances of families, and how these can change

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

My son gave me this after my father died. This is a book which recounts dozens of other folks' experiences with losing their parents. Happens everyday to someone, somewhere and yet when it happens to you it can be monumentally life changing. I was completely unprepared for how desolate I would feel so am glad for the wisdom of others who've been through it.

[Toyka]

You can't read this the first 12 to 18 months following your loss; however, beyond that point this book will greatly contribute to bringing you out of that seemingly impossible to escape pit known as grief.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's interesting for those of us who find ourselves at this point in our lives. The author reprints the survey upon which she based her results in the back of the book, so there's an opportunity for personal reflection and comparison if the reader so chooses.

[Cameron]

Recommended by a good friend after she learned about the death of my father in law.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, for what it is. I'd love to finish it someday. Maybe.

[Jean Brazil · Rating 2 out of 5]

Study of how people react to death of parents.

[Tess White · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very well thought out & well written. Good food for thought on becoming your own person after your parents die!

[Judi Adamo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was helpful to me. I read it six months after my father died. My mom had died five years before. It was comforting that there was a book about the subject. (There are others.)

[Maricelam]

Really helpful.